Chapter 35
You won't be able to save the one you fear the most.
He's so shocked that for a moment he does stop probing, but it doesn't make him less aggressive. He crouches down until his face is almost touching mine. "Where did you hear that name?", he asks. "Is that how he refers to me?", he asks, disgusted, but I don't think I ever heard the Doctor call him that.
"No", I reply, trying to hold his gaze. "I learned it in dreams. It's in my mind. You are everywhere I look, but you'd be surprised by how rarely he speaks about you".
His face comes even closer. He smells good. "The drums", he says. "Why would I make you? If not to share that…that… torture. You must hear them too", he hisses. "Tell me".
"Only now that you're here", I reply. "I usually don't".
He gulps, then clenches my neck and starts laughing hysterically. "Of course you don't. Haha. So fucking unfair. I make you for me and you get to live on. Peacefully! With my… with that…".
"The Doctor's only trying… he always tried to help you".
"Stop repeating that, stop repeating that!", he whispers, his forehead against mine. "So. Fucking. Unfair!", he screams in my face, without letting go of my neck. He's not actually hurting me, but I admit, maybe I was wrong to think we could just have a… normal chat.
"You refused to regenerate!", I hiss back. "Or you will. Whatever", I try to shake him off, but he doesn't let go.
"And why would I? Regenerate? To spend another lifetime with you two watching me like a monster who needs special care? Imprisoned?".
I shiver, hearing the same word he used on the Valiant. He's so proud, I see how I got that from him. "But you do need help!", I whisper.
A couple of people are coming into the park, they stop when they hear my loud voice. Quickly, I grab the back of his neck and pull him closer, as if to kiss him. He's surprised, but he stays there. He snaps out of it and stares into my eyes.
"Don't try to trick the trickster, kid. I know what you're trying to do".
Good. Because I have no idea. I giggle, trying to mock him, hoping he stays out of my mind.
He stands up, suddenly. "Is this why you're here? To show me life goes on, and all that bullshit, and that there's hope? You don't know where I'm coming from. It was- It was… so hopeless. I had to run. Like a coward". He says bitterly.
"I know", I tell him, stretching my hand towards him. "You will tell me- no, you will tell him".
He looks at me curiously, then helps me stand up. He sighs, then looks at me and laughs.
"You're so naive. You thought we could just have a chat? Blimey, my standards are severely low in the future".
I shake my head. "Good thing you'll forget about that".
"I wouldn't be so sure, child. I can always, you know, not make you", he whispers, closing the distance between us. I turn my face to the side, his breath is on my cheek. "I don't even know how to start. And I'm a fucking genius, but maybe I won't even try". He keeps whispering, winking.
I push his chest away - he's a big man. "Well look at me. Am I… fading? Shimmering out of existence? I feel pretty inevitable". I say, patting my chest and arms with theatrical gestures, hoping to sound smug enough to convince him. "I'm fine", I wink back, mocking him.
"But will I?", he says, then quickly slams me against the tree again. "Will I?", he repeats, smirking. "Why the hell did you come here then? You show me my future, why? You don't expect a change, and I'm just supposed to erase these memories?". Something in his words betrays the fact that he's actually confused and scared, even if he's trying as hard as me to act smug and superior.
"I'm not here because of you", I shrug. "It was an accident. I may be weak but it took you a while to tear down my defence mechanism- which you yourself put there!", I raise my voice getting to the end of the sentence.
He stares for a second, then starts laughing. "An accident? My, oh my, you really are a mess", he laughs.
"The universe doesn't revolve around you, you know". I reply, trying to shake him off. He's holding my shoulders, pinning me to the tree. "Why are you here?".
"You've got my brains, kid, I shouldn't even spell it out to you. You try to run from the last great time war and let me know if you land somewhere within a stable timeline". An eerie, nagging feeling starts to itch at the side of my neck. I twitch and unfortunately it doesn't go unnoticed. "Oooh, what have we here?", he says, crossing his arm at my chest to keep pinning me at the tree. With the other hand, he caresses my neck, softly. "Have I quite literally hit a nerve?", he giggles triumphantly. "You're still trying to keep secrets from me, aren't you?".
He pulls my chain and stares at the pendant.
"It's just a replica, not a secret". I should put another perception filter on that thing. Maybe also a technology jammer. I could link it to the laser screwdriver.
I try to smile, but I'm afraid he's going to start probing in my mind again. What happened today, Chloe, the vortex manipulator mess, Jack, Ray and Ritter, he doesn't need to know about any of that. "Why would you think that, my Master?", I say, hoping that even if I'm making fun of him will… turn him on?… distract him? from the fact I'm actually keeping things from him. It doesn't.
"I am your Master!", he snarls, furious. "I made you. You're mine".
He doesn't see my terrified reaction because at that moment, the fastest punch I've ever seen knocks him away from me, sending him to the ground, flat on his back. The drumming in my mind gets louder. I breathe hard, looking at the looming shadow on the ground, suddenly towering over the Master.
"She's not yours", says the Doctor, shaking his hand in the air. He glances at me so fast I'm not even sure he actually looked at me. The oncoming storm, it's such a rare sight for me that sometimes I forget how menacing he can be when he wants. Also, aside from hammering Sontarans, I don't think I ever saw him physically attack anyone. That's usually me. Or Jack. Or Donna. Or River. Or Amy. Mostly me. Anyway.
The Master rolls around. "There you are!", he says, laughing suddenly. He tries to lift himself up, sitting on the ground, checks his hand after wiping his face, sees the blood coming out of his mouth. "My best mate, coming to help. Always helping, right kid?"
I feel a bit sad, also, that even after all this time the Doctor is still hiding his true feelings from me. I snapped at him because he didn't seem worried about the Master being here. He wasn't worried, he was just angry. The man does get on his nerves.
"Leave her alone", he repeats, stepping between me and him. "I know where you're running from. I was there".
"Oh yes, I know that now. The Doctor, great warrior", he spells, theatrically, mocking him. "Some great major spoilers in your little friend's impressive mind! Funny enough, she was just explaining how I will intentionally forget about all that".
The Doctor tilts his head smiling. "Seriously though, that need to hold power over someone. That desire to harm. That possessiveness. Spoken like a true Citadel Time Lord. After all the discussions and trouble we got into at the Academy trying to fight exactly that snob attitude. The war really got the worst of you out", he says, lowering to face him.
"Right back at you", he pants. "The Moment, the... Galaxy Eater. Wasn't it? I didn't think you would stand its judgement. I couldn't". He laughs. "So. I'm not hearing moral speeches about the power of the Citadel Time Lords from the one who's going to wipe the entire race from existence".
I shiver. The Doctor is surprisingly unfazed by the remark. "Yeah. See here's the thing. I have a fully functioning Tardis, and the timeline here is pretty well stable now, isn't it, Zoe?", he glances at me again. "I can send you back right where you came from. The Cruciform, wasn't it?".
When did the Doctor take this dark turn?
"Wouldn't you enjoy that", the Master smirks. "Wipe me out of existence just as all the rest of them", he wipes his face again. "Will the drumming stop then?", he laughs, then looks at me. "What do you reckon?".
"You escaped", I state. "There's a reason why you made it out of the Time Lock, why you weren't there when… when it happened". I add.
He smiles, glances at the Doctor. "You hypocrite. Always on the moral high ground, and your mate can't even say the word".
"She wasn't there", the Doctor snarls.
"Wasn't she, though? Who do you think told me to run?", he smirks. The Doctor and I pretend not to hear it, but it does worry me a bit. "I'm yet to create her", he pants, his arm losing balance as he stands up. He steadies up and gets close to him. "Why, Doctor? Do you think that my escape from an inevitable fate will suddenly change me into a good man? Do you think I feel lonely? That I need a… sidekick to travel the universe helping people? Like you?".
The Doctor stares into his eyes, then turns to me. I wasn't even sure he had actually acknowledged me being here, as focused as he is on the Master, blinded by rage. But the way he's looking at me, whoa. He turns to the Master again.
"Yes", he says.
"Theta" the Master laughs in his face. "You're insane".
"Right back at you", the Doctor says, holding his gaze, unfazed.
"Zoe", the Master calls me.
He is still holding that crazy stare, confused and torn. You won't be able to save the one you fear the most. Ok. So. When the going gets tough…
The Doctor looks at me worried as I step in front of him. I suddenly feel so small and weak between them. I can't say if they notice I'm shaking and that my confidence is gone. I feel almost human again, humbled between the two very last, very real Time Lords of Gallifrey.
"Then don't do it". I say, looking straight into his eyes.
"Zoe", The Doctor places a firm hand on my shoulder, but I shrug him away.
The Master stays silent.
"You escaped the war, you will survive the genocide. Do whatever you were about to, then, and don't make me. Don't hide into the chameleon arch, don't make me your guardian, don't make me at all. Go to Malcassairo, or don't. Run from the Doctor, or go after the Doctor and try to defeat him, just keep doing whatever it is you're doing", I say, and this time I actually know my voice is evidently shaking. "Good luck".
Gently, I take his hands and place them on my temples. Then I take his face in my hands and slowly put my forehead against his. I close my eyes and I open them again.
He's staring at me. "Interesting", he whispers. His gaze goes up above my head, he's glancing at the Doctor, looks at him, then his eyes return to mine. "No fading, no… shimmering out of existence", he swallows hard. "You're fine, right. Inevitable", he repeats, then closes his eyes and I feel his hands moving, he's now gripping my wrists to keep my hands in place on his temples.
He opens his eyes again, draws a deep breath. "Help me, kid", he says, with a wink, and smiles.
I'm so surprised that I feel my legs are giving in. Also surprisingly, the Doctor puts his hands on my waist, holding me.
I reach his forehead with mine, closing my eyes. I can't really describe what's going on inside his head, it's like a white tidal wave, first engulfing everything, then getting wiped by a second, dark, gloomy wave. I feel my memories inside his head fading, washing away as he erases his memories of everything he learned from meeting us today, and then a quiet calm comes, leaving everything black and desolate, only a loud sound marking time with its incessant, fatal rhythm of four, the ever lasting drums.
I let go, I feel his weight leaning on me, and open my eyes. He's lost consciousness. I try to steady him up when again, suddenly he's slammed to the side.
Because Captain Jack just punched his cheek. Justin showed up too, he's holding a blaster pointing at the Master.
I'm so caught by surprise that I snap out of it with the voice of the Doctor screaming. "Are you out of your mind?", he says, shaking his lanky arms about. Jack looks confused. "Not you, her. Well, also you, though!", he pauses, his gaze alternating between Jack and me. "That was… completely unnecessary", he adds.
"What?", Jack looks honestly confused. "He was attacking her! I thought you needed to wipe his memory or something like that".
"Yeeeah", the Doctor sighs, rubbing his eye, then lowering his gaze to the Master laying unconscious on the ground. "He had just done that. By, well, by himself, lower that big threathening gun, please". He instructs Justin, who sheepishly complies.
"How?", Jack asks. "He didn't seem too friendly".
"He wasn't", the Doctor says, looking at me, blankly. "Well, Zoe went all in".
Jack glares.
"What happened with Mossey?", I ask Jack, trying to break the tension. Blimey, I can't wait for the Doctor's lecture about what I just did.
"Handled him. Justin showed up just in time".
"You have quite the right timing, Justin", I smile.
"He does", Jack smiles. "Mind guarding the gates for a minute, Justin?", he asks.
"Sure, captain", he nods, and steps back.
The Doctor looks at me, then at Jack.
"Thought we saw the last of you", he then says.
Jack laughs. "I don't believe it for a second".
We nod, exchanging a glance. "You said you had questions".
He looks at the ground, then at the Master, then at us again.
"See, I'm now the only agent who knows Ray was Ritter all along. I'm pretty much on the run now, Time Lords, and with nowhere to go. So yes, I have questions, first of all- who is Jack?", he says, smiling. "Thought I'd try and ask for a ride far from here before you zap away in your fancy time machine".
"A jack of all trades is a master of none" the Doctor starts. I… honestly don't know where he's going with that. "Jack White? great musician of the early 21st century. Jack Ryan? hero of an unnecessary number of films and tv series, late 20th century. Jack Skellington? pretty popular Halloween costume. Or is it a Christmas character, Zoe? Aaaand, Jack Russell? lovely puppies. Jack the Ripper? No, wait. Jack Kerouac? great writer, bit boring, yeah, but overall, yes, great…".
The Jack in front of us is rolling his eyes, even if stifling a laugh.
I continue the list. "Jack Nicholson, and well, of course, Jack Torrance. Jack Black".
"Jackie Kennedy, and oh, Jackie Tyler! Jack Whitehall, Jack Johnson", the Doctor goes on, then pauses, looks at me.
"And… Captain Jack Harkness, good friend of ours", he says. "But that's… a story for another time", he adds, smiling bitterly.
"Understood". Jack lowers his gaze, clearly unsatisfied with the answer, but his cheeks still holding a smile as he finally realizes one doubt is cleared. "So I guess I will see you two again".
"Oh, can't get rid of you", the Doctor says, coyly.
We smile, we hug.
"Okay then", he salutes. Ew. "I'm ready".
We're confused. "Ready for what?", I ask.
"Aren't you going to wipe my memory? That thing you did with your… associate? The twin trainee?".
The Doctor and I exchange a quick look. "Er, no?". But something doesn't add up. At some point, Jack will end up running Torchwood in the past, where a lot of things happen to me, and him, and Chloe, that wouldn't happen if he already knew I was a Time Lady.
I feel the Doctor's soft presence in my mind. This isn't right, is it?
Well, it was a busy day. At some point, I'm perfectly aware I stopped caring about choosing my words wisely, and I'm sure we said or revealed too much.
The agency is going to frame him. But what if he runs with us now, and his future is rewritten? And he never gets to be-
My thoughts to the Doctor get abruptly interrupted with a click.
"I'm sorry". Justin says, appearing behind Jack.
He's holding the blaster, pointing it at him.
Jack groans, turning around. "You've got to be kidding me", he laughs bitterly. "Almost thought I'd made it".
"I'm sorry", Justin repeats, and quickly strides to him, attacks at his neck with a syringe. Injecting a red liquid.
"No!", I scream, stepping ahead to hold Jack as he falls unconscious towards the ground. Justin is still holding the syringe.
The Doctor stares at him. "Justin- No!", he screams as the young officer stabs the same syringe into his own neck.
We are speechless. I kneel to the ground, running a hand through my hair. I look at Jack, who wanted answers and will end up with more questions. I look at Justin, the loyal agent, too loyal to the Agency to understand what they made him do. Finally, I look at the Master, who is evil and mentally insane and really needs a lesson or two about the patriarchy, and yet he trusted me enough to do what he had to do. His face is still bleeding, I wipe his cheek with my sleeve, then stand up.
"Zoe", the Doctor calls me. I ignore him, I'm looking around, searching the area. Where… The Doctor touches my shoulder, looks into my eyes. "Come on", he says, then crouches down and helps me to lift the Master's body.
"Here", he says, after a few steps, when we reach a small marble monument. There it is! With the help of the Doctor, I lower him on the steps. As I stand up, I put my hand on the marble, under the Gallifreyan writings on its inscription. A faint, low buzzing reaches my mind. The Doctor nods at me. When we walk back, Jack and Justin are already being taken away by a patrol of agents. I try to run after them, but the Doctor stops me, grabbing my shoulder again.
I stop, finally.