Prologue

Sendoh's POV.

I wonder what they'd say if they knew.

If they knew how I really spent my summer vacation after graduation I think I'd find myself friendless pretty quickly, for the most part.

I didn't lie when I told them my parents were sending me to Italy to study for the summer before I started university. But it's what I did when I wasn't at school that would make them turn away from me.

Taka Aikawa. He was an exchange student from the Japan too. God, he was so beautiful. Blue eyes, dark raven-hair, and the most gorgeous body. He said he was half European. I don't know if that was true or not, but it didn't matter. He was so in control of himself. He was who he was, and it didn't matter to him what anyone else thought.

I remember thinking at the time that I was grateful that he showed me who I really was; the reason I never asked any of the girls at school out. He told me I should never fight it, no matter what the world thought. He showed me what pleasure was.

I owe him so much and I never got the chance to thank him. I woke up one morning and he was gone. I never did find out what happened to him. Sometimes I wonder if it was all a dream.

But he unleashed something that I can't share with the people who mean the most to me. It's not that I'm ashamed of who I am. I just don't think they'd understand.

I don't know how Sakuragi would handle it. I know that Maki and Fujima would be okay. I mean, they're together. No one but me knows about it, though. I didn't mean to walk in on them.

Fujima got so upset. Maki threatened to beat the hell out of me if I told the others. Like I would. He doesn't care what they think of him, but he'd do anything to protect Fujima, and Fujima thought I'd hate him for it. How can I when I'm in the same boat as he is? He's so lucky that his family is accepting. I wish mine was.

Well, at least he wouldn't have to worry about our friends freaking out over his choice. I wish I could say the same thing.

I can't help watching him. He reminds me of Taki. Maybe it's his eyes, or that his hair is almost the same styled, or the total self-control. It doesn't matter. He reminds me of what I had with my first lover. No, to be honest, my only lover. The others don't mean anything. How can they when we rarely even exchange names?

There's something about the way he moves. That get out of my way or I'll go right through you attitude. He's so confident in his own abilities. Taki Aikawa was like that.

I know the others think he's arrogant, but I see it differently. He has the world in the palm of his hand. He's rich, and he's the youngest CFO to ever be hired in the history of the company we work for. He has power, and he knows it. He's drop-dead gorgeous. He has women falling all over him that'd give an eye for a night in his bed. If I had all that, I'd probably come off as arrogant too.

I just wish I could talk to someone about it. I could probably talk to Maki, but I don't want to. I can't help feeling that my situation is different. It's like Fujima is part of him. They've been best friends since they were kids. It only makes sense that they'd end up together.

I probably could talk to Mitsui. I know he's gay, but he doesn't go around talking about it. But he tells his foster brother everything and I don't think I'd want Miyagi to know.

Damn! Why does it have to be so complicated?

I'd probably end up with a broken jaw if he found out. I've seen him with women, so I know he's not like me. There's no sense thinking about him like that. He'd never think twice about someone like me. Even if he was that way. And he's not. Kaede Rukawa is definitely not gay.

Life sucks.

...

Rukawa's POV.

I wonder what his friends would think.

I see Sendoh watching me. He's not as subtle as he thinks. Far from it. I can't believe that they haven't noticed; or maybe the only reason I have is because I'm watching him too.

I can't help it. There's something about him, something appealing. I've thought so ever since high school. I've seen him when he's not goofing around with Sakuragi or buried in work responsibilities. There's something in his eyes then. Something deep and unfathomable. It makes me want to find out what he's thinking.

He does a good job of hiding it. As well as I do. The last thing I need in my life is for people to be privy to my...inclinations. But I can see through his act. It's too much like my own.

I wonder why he hides it. He must know he'd have nothing to worry about with Fujima and Maki. They're so accepting of everyone. And Mitsui. He has to know about Mitsui. Now Sakuragi on the other hand...I can see him having a problem with it. He'll chase anything in a skirt. I'd peg him as being intolerant, even of his best friend.

I wonder if he's as lonely in this as I am.

I just can't afford for anyone to find out. Not only would it destroy my standing in the company, I wouldn't be much of a role model for Liam. That's something he should come to on his own. Not because it's what he's used to living with.

I don't think he's seeing anyone. He can't be. He's always with Sakuragi.

I've got to find a date for that stupid party Friday night. Maybe that woman in payroll. She's nice enough, I guess. The last time I took her to a company function, she was so overwhelmed she hardly said a word all night. That works for me. I'll have my assistant call her.

I hate living this lie, I have to keep up appearances, though. For everyone's sake.

There's no sense in even thinking about it, about him. I can't give in to who I really am. The life I live won't allow it. It never will. As much as I want to be with Akira Sendoh, I can't.

Life sucks.

Chapter 1

Sendoh was disgusted with himself as he lay there, the sweat still pouring from his body. He was physically sated, but there was an aching, hollow feeling in his chest.

Another night and another nameless body, he thought as he turned on his side, propping himself up on his arm and looking down at the man next to him.

"What's your name?"

Intense, blue eyes regarded him from under a mop of tangled raven-hair. "Does it matter?"

"I suppose not." Sendoh rose from the bed, reaching for his clothes and quickly dressing.

"What are you doing?"

"Leaving."

"But why?"

"Does it matter?"

He walked away without looking back. Again.

I hate Saturdays.

Rukawa wandered through the park, heading for his favorite spot, a bench beneath a huge tree next to the basketball court.

He was bored, Liam was away at a friend's house for the day, he was all caught up at work, so he was free for the weekend. He could have found something to do, but he couldn't concentrate on anything important. So, he decided to just come to the park and read. Maybe the simple act of getting out of the house would shake him from his funk.

Reaching the bench, Rukawa sat down, stretching his legs out in front of him. He looked at the book in his hands and smiled. It was something Liam had gotten for him for his birthday, arguing that he needed to read something not work related. It was surprisingly good, for fiction. Besides, he had spent his own money to buy it for him so he couldn't not read it.

Opening it to where he had last left off, he lost himself in another world, glad for the distraction from this one.

Sendoh, Maki, and Fujima reached the park entrance just as Sakuragi, Miyagi, Mitsui, and Miyagi's girlfriend, Ayako, showed up.

"Hey, spiky!" Sakuragi threw the basketball at Sendoh. "Where were you last night? I called."

Sendoh threw the ball back at him. "Asleep, probably."

"At ten o'clock on a Friday night?" Sakuragi laughed. "Dude, you need to get a life!"

"I was tired." Sendoh turned away so his best friend wouldn't see he was lying. "Are we playing or what?"

"Yeah! Let's go!" Fujima bounded ahead of them, heading for the basketball court. He was still bouncing when they caught up with him.

"Settle down, Kenji." Maki shook his head with a grin. "We have all day."

"Well, come on! I wanna play!"

"Maki, Sakuragi, and Mitsui against Sendoh, Fujima, and me," Miyagi said.

"Sounds good to me," Ayako said, taking the ball from Sakuragi.

Sendoh and Sakuragi squared off in the center of the court, waiting for Ayako to toss the ball. Even with his height advantage, Sendoh had to fight for it.

"Asshole," Sakuragi growled as Sendoh snatched the ball from the air.

"Sucker," Sendoh shot back, shouldering Sakuragi aside as he turned, throwing the ball to Fujima.

Fujima smirked as Maki stepped in front of him. Fujima faded to the right only to whip around and bounce pass the ball. Straight to Mitsui.

"Thanks, short stack!" Mitsui bolted up the court, going in for a perfect layup.

"Fujima!" Sendoh and Miyagi yelled.

"I'm sorry!" Fujima glared at Mitsui. "It's not fair when they're dressed exactly the same! It's too hard to tell them apart in the middle of game! You guys need to not have using the same bandana, dammit!"

"He has a point," Sakuragi said, laughing at the two so-called siblings. "You really do have that whole freaky twin thing going on."

"We're just foster brothers, and we're definitely not twins," Miyagi said automatically, scowling when his friends laughed.

"Fine." Mitsui reached over to Miyagi and yanked his so-called brother's T-shirt over his head and pulled off the bandana before he could protest, smirking at the other's blush as he winked at Ayako. "Shirts against skins."

"Works for me." Sendoh pulled his own shirt off, looking at Fujima who followed suit.

"Alright. Can we get back to it?" Miyagi asked, trying to regain his composure and glowering at Mitsui, swearing to himself to make him pay for embarrassing him yet again.

As the game resumed, no one noticed the figure sitting in the shadow of the tree, book forgotten in his hands.

Rukawa stared intently at the tallest of the group on the court, taking in the broad shoulders, sculpted chest and stomach, and feeling his heartbeat kick up a notch. Holy shit. Who would have thought he was built like that?

He tried to tear his eyes away, but couldn't. He watched as the other moved amongst his friends, barely hearing Sakuragi's cry of protest when Sendoh grabbed a ball- carrying Fujima and lifted him over his head so the diminutive man could reach the basket.

Get your eyes off him, Kaede. You already decided you weren't going to give in, Rukawa thought, concentrating on watching the other instead. Sakuragi's not too bad, actually. Not that I'd ever tell him.

He watched as Sakuragi stole the ball from Maki and went in for a layup, accidentally elbowing Miyagi in the forehead.

"Shit, Ryo-Chin! I'm sorry!" Sakuragi turned to the shorter man, only to come face to face, as it were, with the basketball, hurled at him by Mitsui.

Rukawa snickered at the distinctly puppy-like yelp that came from the now injured man.

"Mitsui!" Maki yelled at him. "Sakuragi's on our side!"

"Not when he hits my brother, he's not!"

"I'm okay, Mitsui," Miyagi said, rubbing the sore spot on his forehead and trying not to wince. "It was an accident."

Ayako came over, pressing a tissue to Sakuragi's bleeding nose. "Well, you're one short now."

"What about you?" Mitsui grinned at her. Though he was distant with most people, he had a very close relationship with Miyagi's girlfriend.

"Not likely." She grinned back. "You guys are too rough for me. Why don't you ask Rukawa?"

"Kaede Rukawa?" Sakuragi's head snapped around, brown eyes flashing fire. "Where is he?"

"Over there." Ayako pointed to the tree. "He's been watching the whole time."

Before Rukawa could make a gateway, Fujima came bouncing over.

Doesn't he ever just walk? he thought, amused. He had been aware of Kenji Fujima since they had gone to high school; most were, given that Fujima was the only person in their school under five feet tall, but he had never really spoken to him.

"Hey, Rukawa!" Fujima smiled his ten-thousand-watt, the whole world is my friend, so I know you are too smile at the other man. "Wanna play some ball?"

"No," Rukawa replied shortly, instantly feeling a twinge of guilt when Fujima's smile faded.

"Oh, okay."

"I'm not really dressed for it." Rukawa gestured to his dress pants and leather shoes. "But, um, thanks."

"Sure. Maybe next time!" Fujima's smile was firmly back in place as he bounded away.

Yeah, right, Rukawa thought, resisting the urge to roll his eyes.

Sendoh looked toward Rukawa as Fujima came running back. He hadn't known the other was there the whole time. I wonder why he was just sitting there. Why is he just...watching us?

"He says he can't," Fujima told his friends.

"Figures." Sakuragi scowled. "Probably doesn't want to wrinkle his designer clothes."

"Lay off, Sakuragi," Sendoh said. "If he doesn't want to play, he doesn't want to."

Sakuragi looked at him strangely, wondering what his friend was doing defending Kaede Rukawa. He shrugged, tossed the blood-covered tissue in a nearby garbage can, and grabbed the ball from Ayako. "Well, I'm done bleeding. Let's play!"

Why am I doing this again?

Rukawa hacked into the university server with ease. He hadn't done something like this since high school and he had forgotten how much he enjoyed it. With a self-satisfied smile, he opened Sendoh's personal file. He had already been through the HR files at work, finding nothing particularly remarkable.

Hmm. Funny, he thought, his brow furrowed in concentration. His marks were almost as good as mine. He had a basketball scholarship? I didn't even know he was on the basketball team. Captain of the team. Interesting. Make sense, I suppose. I heard he was playing in a league on the weekends.

He closed out of the personal file and logged into the school councillor's reports.

Every problem he had was in connection with Sakuragi. Why am I not surprised? Both parents have good jobs. Doesn't seem like there were any problems at home. He spent a summer in Italy going to school? I think I remember hearing that he was born in Italy.

Rukawa sighed and shut down his computer, pushing his dark balck hair out of blue eyes.

Why am I doing this? It doesn't matter how much I know about him. Even if I could approach him, if my life would allow it, I know he'd say no. Rukawa left his office and wandered into the darkened kitchen. Too bad Liam decided to stay at his friend's house. I could use the company. Anything to get my mind off the track it seems to be stuck on.

Rukawa looked at his watch as he found himself standing outside his bedroom door. It was only ten o'clock. For lack of anything better to do, he decided to call it a night.

I really need to get a life.

Sendoh walked around the back of the warehouse, stopping at the first door he saw. Raising a fist, he banged on it twice and waited. It opened shortly thereafter to reveal a large man.

"Hey, Sendoh. I didn't think you'd be back again tonight."

"Well, you know how it is." Sendoh shrugged, slipping past the bouncer.

The man shook his head as the spiky walked down the deserted hall. He liked Sendoh, and he had thought from the first time he met him that he didn't belong in a place like this.

"Sendoh, wait!"

Sendoh stopped, turning toward the other man who was hurrying to catch up with him. "Yeah?"

"I have to ask... Why do you come here?"

"Why does anyone come here, Akagi? To drink, dance, pick up." Sendoh grinned.

"You don't belong here."

Sendoh held up a hand. "Don't lecture me. This place is all I have."

"You've got friends. I know you do."

"They wouldn't understand, pal. You don't know them like I do." Sendoh continued down the hall. "Now if you'll excuse me, there's beer in there with my name on it."

The bouncer shook his head as he watched the spiky walk away. No matter what he said, Sendoh didn't belong here. He deserved better than this.

Rukawa turned over in his bed, shifting restlessly.

When did this bed get so damned big? he thought, turning over for what seemed like the hundredth time. Or the house this quiet?

He rose from the tangled sheets, going to the bathroom and flicking on the light. He splashed some cold water on his face and looked at himself in the mirror.

Fourth night in a row that I can't sleep. Going on five weeks now since I realized he was watching me as much as I was watching him. What am I going to do?

He shut out the light and crawled back into bed. He couldn't get Sendoh out of his head. It was useless, really, to think of him that way; any way, to be honest. Though he had been in almost every class with Sendoh or one of his friends in high school, and even some in university, he had held himself aloof from everyone. He had put up an impenetrable front that no one even dared to try breach. He knew they all thought he was a complete asshole, and maybe he was. He had his reasons, but he wasn't about to share them with anyone.

I can't approach him. I want to, but I can't. I know he wouldn't want his friends knowing any more than I would. Damn! What a bitch of a way to find out money can't buy everything. I want to get to know him better. Maybe...I know he's attracted to me. Maybe we could start with coffee or something.

Rukawa burrowed into his pillow, feeling sleep finally stealing up on him. His last coherent thought was that he would spend tomorrow figuring out a way to get the other alone. At least to talk to him.

Sendoh walked from the dance floor, heading for the bar. Taking the offered bottle, he turned around, leaning against the well-worn wood and surveying the crowd.

He closed his eyes for a moment, feeling his heart beating in time with the blaring techno music. He had been coming here for a few years, but he still felt out of place. It didn't matter, though. It was the only place like it around. Though he was on a first name basis with most of the staff, the patrons didn't come here to exchange names. Far from it. Most didn't want their names known.

His eyes snapped open as he felt someone place a hand on his arm. He looked down to see an extremely handsome blonde hair with green eyes smiling up at him.

"Hello, handsome," he said in a low, velvety voice.

Sendoh lifted an eyebrow and looked at the hand on his arm. It was quickly removed.

The man's eyes narrowed at the lack of interest on Sendoh's face. "What's the matter? Don't like what you see?"

"Not particularly," Sendoh replied in a bored voice.

"Fine, then!" The voice lost its honey smoothness. "I'm not into spiky, anyway!"

Sendoh shook his head, a small smile crossing his lips, as the man moved back off into the crowd. He couldn't help it if he had definite tastes. And those tastes didn't run to short blond man. He scanned the crowd again, his eyes catching the intense gaze of someone watching him from the dance floor.

He let his eyes wander over the other's form. A few inches shorter, slight build, and a shock of dark black raven-hair.

Definite possibilities, he thought, setting down his bottle and pushing away from the bar.

Sendoh strode to the dance floor, stopping in front of the other man. His arm snaked around a slim waist and he pulled their bodies flush. He was rewarded with a brilliant smile and an inviting look.

"You'll do." Sendoh took his hand and guided him from the club.

Rukawa woke in a sweat, breathing hard.

God! It was just a dream.

He glanced at his alarm clock. 2:16. He'd only been asleep for about an hour.

The dream had been so real he was almost expecting to find that he wasn't alone in bed. Rukawa groaned. Oh, it was vivid alright. So vivid his breathing wasn't the only thing that was hard.

He wasn't even aware of his hands moving of their own volition as the dream began to replay itself in his mind. So real, I could taste his lips, feel the heat of his body against mine. Feel the strength of him. God, I want him. I could hear his voice. Hear him calling my name. Oh, God.

The tension in his body released itself and he didn't even notice the warm wetness seeping into the bed sheets as he drifted back to sleep, sated, one word slipping from his lips.

"Akira."

Sendoh moaned as he released into the body beneath him and collapsed, breathing heavily.

"Damn, you're good," the other said as he pushed the spiky off him and turned on his side to face him. "You should come around more often."

"I don't think so," Sendoh replied, allowing himself a minute to catch his breath.

"Why not?"

Sendoh didn't answer, getting up and pulling on his clothes. This was the part he hated. The part where they wanted to talk.

"Ah, I see." The other man's voice sounded almost sad.

"You see what?"

"It's obvious. You want someone you can't have."

"How the fuck would you know?"

"I've seen it before." Slim shoulders lifted in a slight shrug.

"The last thing I want is your pity." Sendoh was starting to get angry. "I already got what I wanted from you."

Light blue eyes regarded him thoughtfully. "It won't help, you know."

"What?"

"This." The other gestured to himself. "At least, it won't for long."

Sendoh rolled his eyes as he moved across the room, anxious now to leave. "I came here for sex, not analysis. I'm leaving."

He was just about to open the door when the other stopped him cold.

"By the way, my name's Tokia, not Kaede."

TBC