When we get back to my house, there's something I have to do first. Nana is still standing over Levi, carefully placing bandages over his back. It's covering the entire surface, but luckily he seems to be out cold. Sawyer waits by the door,
"I'm sorry Nana," I apologize. She shouldn't have to deal with my temper tantrums.
"It's quite alright, Willow," she says, kissing the top of my head. "I've seen what seeing their loved ones in pain does to people. I'd say you handled it well."
I nod, catching a glimpse of Levi's back. The section that's still exposed is starting to fill with pus and I have to look away. "How is he?"
"Madge came over with some old morphling. It should still be safe but it's helping tremendously with the pain," she says, placing the last piece of bandage.
"Can I help?" I ask.
"We just have to wait, but he'll be fine," Nana says. "He's a strong boy. But you can sit with him if you'd like. But let me clean up your cheek first."
Nana packs up her stuff once she's worked on my cheek and promises she'll try to be back in the morning if the snow isn't too bad. I don't move from my spot next to Levi in case he needs anything. Sawyers gone home at the insistence of my parents saying that he can come back in the morning. They're not able to coax me from my seat though, so they leave me in the kitchen for the night.
As I watch him sleep, I can't help feeling like a coward for wanting to run away in the first place. It wouldn't have stopped anyone from getting hurt the way Levi has. In fact, I'm sure now it would have only made things worse. At some point I would have to stop running and face whoever wanted me dead. But that took a lot of strength, like Levi had. He was born a rebel. I was trying to make an escape plan.
When I wake up, it's light out and the birds are chirping. My head feels stiff from sleeping with my head on the counter and I stretch a bit.
"Wil," Levi's voice breathes out. I look down and see his eyes are open a bit, hazy from the drugs he's been given.
"Levi," I sit back down next to him so his head is near mine. "How are you feeling?"
"My back hurts. But I'm glad you're here," he says.
"Where else would I be?"
"Thought you would have run away with Hawthorne," he chuckles, though he cringes from the movement in his back.
"Nope. I'll stay right here and cause all kinds of trouble," I say.
"Me too," Levi says, tugging my hand so I lean closer to hear what he has to say. But his face contorted in pain.
"I'm sorry," I say, tears springing to my own eyes. I wish I could make it all stop. Because I did care about him. More than I probably should. Which is probably why I don't stop him when he turns his head as much as he can and kisses me, a small peck. I shouldn't have done that. It felt wrong, but before I can say anything else, he's already pulled back under by the morphling.
There's a shuffling by the door and I whip my head up to see Sawyer standing there with a sad smile. "You saw that," I say. It's not a question, because I know.
Sawyer walks over and sits down next to me in the empty chair. He's so much better than I am. I would have run out the door by now. "I did," he says. "Heard everything too."
"I should have stopped him," I say. I want to offer an explanation but I don't have one.
"You're a sucker for people in pain," he says. "I should know."
"You deserve better," I tell him.
"Than what? Someone who cares too much about the people in her life? Besides, it's not like he really knew what he was doing. I'm not worried," he says. "Your cheek looks a little better."
"Nana cleaned it up," I say.
"You should get some sleep," Sawyer says. "In a proper bed." I was exhausted from what happened yesterday and trying to sleep comfortably in a sitting position. Looking at him now, it doesn't look like he's gotten much sleep either.
"How did he fare in the night?" Mom asks, coming into the kitchen, Dani in tow. I'm sure Dad is around somewhere too. It's close to blizzarding outside so Mom probably made him close up the bakery today.
"Fine, I think," I say. "The morphling helped."
"It's really coming down out there," Dad says, joining us. "I don't think Nana's going to be able to come out."
"We should be fine," Mom says. "Prim stayed the night. Did you get some sleep last night, little songbird?"
"Yes-" I say
"No." Sawyer says at the same time.
"Snitch," I mumble under my breath, glaring at him.
"Well you don't look like you've gotten much sleep either, mister," Mom says to him and I snicker at him being scolded. "Both of you to bed. Right now."
"Sawyer, maybe you should stay here for a while. It's pretty bad out there," Dad says.
"I'm only a few minutes walk, Mr. Mellark," Sawyer says but Dad won't hear it.
"Are you sure you don't need our help?" I ask, but Mom just shakes her head.
"Aunt Prim is teaching me how to take care of Levi's back," Dani says.
Sawyer and I don't argue and we both get up to head to the living room. I would go up to my room, but I'd rather have him here in case either of us have nightmares.
"Oh! Willow!" Dani stops me before we can leave. "I wanted to show you something."
"What is it, little duck?" I yawn.
She grabs my hand and squeezes three times. "Aunt Prim taught it to me. It means I love you."
"Does it," I smile at her excitement. And then I squeeze her hand three times.
"What does?" Sawyer asks. Dani shows him the same thing and explains it to him. "That's really neat, Dani," he tells her and she beams. "Let me see if I got this right." he lets go of her hand and grabs mine, squeezing three times and I blush.
"Yup!" Dani says. She looks like she wants to say more but Dad calls her from the other room.
Sawyer offers to take the couch but I ignore him, taking all the pillows and throwing them on the floor before going upstairs to gather an armful of blankets. With the soft rug that covered the floor in front of the fireplace, we could easily sleep here.
"You're parents won't mind?" Sawyer asks.
I shrug. "We're not doing anything but sleeping. Besides, I'm sure they'll be glad to have a reprieve from my nightmares too."
We lay down the blankets and the pillows, leaving a couple in between us for my parents' benefit, and lay down side by side. My hand finds his and he squeezes, three times, smiling when I roll my eyes. I suppose I know he loves me, he's said it many times before. But it was still strange to think about, and I wasn't there yet. Still, I squeeze once, twice, but can't quite bring myself to squeeze a third time. Not yet. But he doesn't seem to mind.
"Goodnight, Mellark," he says, closing his eyes.
"Goodnight, Hawthorne. Sweet dreams," I say, letting myself drift right to sleep.
I wake up screaming from a dream where both Dani and Sawyer had been caught by Thread and tied up to the post. I was too far away to stop him as he raised his hand with the whip, ready to bring it down onto my tiny sister. I wake up, screaming for her, but Sawyer is there, shushing me, letting me know it was all a dream. My parents have come in now, Dani following them, looking concerned.
"See Willow," Sawyer says. "Dani's fine." Upon hearing her name, Dani runs to me, launching herself in my arms.
"I'm okay. You're okay," I say, stroking her hair.
Once they see that I'm fine, my parents relax. "Come on little duck," Mom says. "Let's let your sister get a little more sleep. It's only been an hour."
"Stay with me?" I ask Sawyer who looks a lot more rested than I feel.
"Always," he says, squeezing my hand three times. This time I don't even bother with the pillows and lay my head on his chest, letting his steady heartbeat lull me back to sleep.
When I wake up again, I'm alone. "Sawyer?"
I expect him to come in here but instead it's Mom, with a cup of tea and a small bowl.
"Morning sleepyhead," she says, kneeling next to me. "Your pretty face," she frowns. "It does look better, but this will help." She shows me what's in the bowl. Snow coat. "Dani made it."
I raise a brow. I wasn't aware my little sister knew how to make a snow coat.
"Aunt Prim helped," Mom winks, applying it to my face.
The coldness of the snow coat gives my face immediate relief and I sigh. "That feels so good."
Mom puts down the tea and the bowl before crushing me to her. She pulls me onto her lap and cradles me to her chest. "Please don't scare us like that again. I know you think you did the right thing but you could have gotten seriously hurt."
"Mom, I survived the Hunger Games," I giggle, the sound muffled by her shoulder.
"No. Nope, you're not allowed to use that anymore. You're still my baby," she says.
"I'm okay," I say, but I hug her tighter. Because I can't tell her about all the other things I know. About Snow.
She pulls back to examine the cut again. I roll my eyes and she playfully pinches my other cheek. "I don't want to hear it, Willow. You get to let me take care of you."
"Yes, Mom," I say, because as much as I pretend that I'm fine on my own, I still need my parents.
Mom hands me the cup of tea and starts folding up the blankets on the ground. "He helps you sleep," she says. It's not a question.
I nod. "It's because he has nightmares too. It helps when he knows what I'm seeing at night."
"I still think you're much too young to be married," she says.
"I know. But it's what the public wants. It's what they expect. And after the show they got in the games, well…you and Dad understand, right?" I can't tell her everything, but this much must be obvious.
"Is this really something you want?" She asks.
"I don't think I'll find anyone better. He loves me," I say. It's not much of an answer but I know she'll accept it.
"I know he does," Mom says. "It's clear to anyone watching. But you need to be happy too."
"Don't worry about me," I say.
"We'll always worry about you."
She holds me for a while longer until I finally ask, "Where's Sawyer?"
"He went back to his house for a bit to change. He didn't want to leave you but I made him go. Dani begged him to stay a couple days because he helped so much with your nightmares, so the deal was he needed to pack everything he needed for the week. Your Dad was going to go with him since the snow was still pretty bad but he said he'd be fine on his own."
"Really? You're going to let him stay?" I ask.
"Well your Dad threw a fit saying you were too young for boys but even he can't deny how much better you sleep. Besides, it's not like he and I didn't sneak around when we were about your age. I'd rather we at least know about it," she says.
"Mom!" I slap my hands over my ears not wanting to hear any more.
Luckily, Aunt Prim's snow coat helps Levi's back immensely, and he's able to sleep somewhat comfortably throughout the day. So I take a second to call Sawyer.
"Hello?" He sounds a bit confused when he answers.
"Hey," I say. "It's me."
"Is everything okay, Willow?"
"Yeah, I just wanted to make sure you got home okay," I say.
"I live right across the street," he says and I can almost hear him rolling his eyes.
"I know, but with the weather and all," I say.
"Well I made it alive. Thank you for checking on me," he says. "How's Levi?"
"He's good. Well, as good as he can be, I suppose. Aunt Prim just gave him a snow coat," I say.
"Your face?" Sawyer asks.
"I got some too," I say. I'm almost embarrassed by my impatience when I ask, "Are you coming back yet?" It occurs to me that it might be because he's one of the only real friends I have. Besides Levi, and maybe Cinna. Or maybe I just miss him. Simple as that.
"Um, I was almost done packing up but then you called," he says. "But I should be over in about ten minutes?"
"Well hurry up already!" I say, hanging up so he'll get here faster.
I was starting to feel a bit antsy being stuck inside from the blizzard. I wanted to go outside, to the woods, but moreso, I needed to talk to Haymitch. I think it was clear to everyone I was becoming restless. So it's a welcome distraction when Dani coaxes me into a game of cards with her. Sawyer comes in halfway through our second game and sits down next to me.
"What are we playing?" He asks.
"You have to guess what cards the other person has," I tell him. "If you get it right, you get to get rid of a card too. But if you get it wrong you have to draw an extra card."
"Hm," he says, glancing at my cards from beside me.
"Dani's a little upset because I beat her last round," I say.
"I am not!" She pouts, making Sawyer and I laugh.
"Wanna play?" I offer.
He shakes his head. "I like watching you guys. I never did anything like this with my siblings. Always got left out," he says. With how close of an age gap his other siblings had compared to him, it makes sense.
"Do you have a five?" Dani asks. I shake my head and she huffs, drawing another card to add to her already growing handful.
"Do you have a…two?" I ask. She narrows her eyes and hands me the card.
Sawyer moves his hand behind me, scooting closer so our shoulders are touching. Dani beams at the two of us and I blush, focusing my gaze on my cards.
"Do you have a seven?" Dani asks. I absentmindedly hand her the card from my hand.
"Two?" I ask, forgetting I've just asked. She shakes her head, her smile getting bigger.
"Do you have a three?" Dani asks, next. I hand her the card.
Dani easily wins this game and it takes me until we're almost done with the next to catch on to what's going on.
It's only when Sawyers arm accidentally bumps my knee that I look down and see him holding up four fingers down by the floor.
"Do you have a four?" Dani asks and it clicks.
"You're cheating!" I say, throwing down my cards, pointing at my sister.
"It was Sawyer's idea!" She says, with her hands in the air. Still, I launch myself at her and tackle her to the ground, tickling her sides.
"Stop!" Dani squeals, laughing. "Sawyer help!"
"Don't you dare," I say, glaring at him. "You're in trouble too, mister."
Luckily for her, Sawyer comes to her rescue, pulling me off of her, and continuing the assault on me.
"Hey!" I choke out. "You're the one that cheated! Not me!"
"Prove it!" He smirks, not letting up for even a second.
"Dani!" I call to my sister and she doesn't hesitate to join in, jumping on Sawyer to distract him while I roll out from under him.
"I thought you were on my team," Sawyer laughs, trying to get Dani off his back.
"What team?" she says, cheekily.
"Alright you little cheaters," Dad pops his head into the room. "Come eat, Mom made soup."
We all get up to walk into the kitchen. Dani runs ahead, leaving Sawyer and I behind.
"I am never letting you sit next to me in cards again," I say.
"Oh, come on, Mellark," he says. "I had to get into Dani's good graces."
"And what about mine?" I ask with a scowl.
"I'm not too stressed about that," he says, kissing my cheek and moving past me to join Dani.
I'm not either.