Chapter 5: Roleplaying (Badly):

Writing your own story can be fun. However, you might find yourself craving a different way to bring your characters to life. Roleplaying can be a both a fun pastime and a way of experimenting with a character you're thinking of writing into a story. This guide will primarily focus on online text-based narrative roleplay, such as that in forums or Discord servers.

Character Creation

It's likely that the roleplay admins have written some guidelines for character applications. If there's a template, fail to follow it. If certain limitations on abilities are expected, be sure to exceed that limit tenfold. If a moderator reminds you of the rules, take to the public chat to complain about how stupid the rules are. Never work with the character reviewers to compromise, and never consider searching for a roleplay better suited to your interests.

Now, to make your character stand out in a totally good way, you should attempt to contract main character syndrome. To help achieve this, sift through the approved character apps and find ways to one-up them. If one character is strong enough to lift a car, yours is strong enough to lift a train! If one character had parents who died in a car accident, have your character's parents tortured and murdered right in front of them! Also, be sure your character's application dictates how other player characters should perceive them.

If being a hero is not for you, why not contract main villain syndrome instead? Attempt to push the limits of power, authority, and wealth as much as possible! We all know that a massive organization of NPC goons is far more meaningful than a handful of player character followers that were persuaded through roleplay. If the community shows no interest in treating your character as a serious villain, throw a tantrum akin to a child whose parents didn't buy them the toy they wanted.

If main character syndrome doesn't appeal to you, there's another great way to make your character unique: Mental conditions. All you need to do is read a few lines from a Wikipedia article and, BOOM, you've got an entire personality! Just ignore that people have personality traits, interests, and insecurities independent of their mental condition, just like any other human being. Sitting down and reading through personal experiences of people with the condition will take too much time, even if it can help you better represent it. (I am going to hell)

Combat

Since some roleplays function not with numbered game mechanics but rather text alone, why not write so your character always has the advantage? Often called powerplay, this is when a character constantly dodges or no sells attacks, all while executing the perfect moves to deal with every threat on the field. Sometimes, using powers not mentioned on the application is involved. But, it can also happen within the technical limitations of a character's abilities, albeit with an unrealistically perfect sense of situational awareness or ridiculous amount of contingency plans prepared. If you and your roleplay partner are faced with a group of NPC enemies, you take them all out in a single post! It's not like your roleplay partner would want to have an equal hand in the fight.

If someone else starts powerplaying, it is best to respond in kind. Continue doing so until the situation devolves into an out of character argument about who should win. Now, some might suggest talking things out with the other player to decide upon a conclusion beforehand. They might remind you that taking a hit or a loss can be a good way to show your fellow roleplayer some respect. But, your ego is far too entangled with your character for that.

Characterization and General Interactions

Shy and socially awkward characters can be relatable. Who hasn't ever felt that way in their life? Which is why, regardless of whatever other characters do, your shrinking violet should invariably respond with bare bones, ellipses-ridden dialogue like, "...I don't know..." Never consider keeping a few topics in mind that the character can open up about. And, as interesting as seeing a character push themself out of their comfort zone can be, never attempt to do that.

Not everyone is friendly. Certain characters might have bad moods, difficulty warming up to people, disdain for certain character traits, and so forth. In some cases, this could be good fuel for a conflict or character development. So, why not spice things up by having your character be strongly hostile to everyone they meet? They accidentally bump into your character? Shout at them for not watching! Someone says hi? Tell them to fuck off! This leaves the other player with the wide variety of three options: Leave like a normal human being and cut the scene short, react with hostility of their own, or continue the unfun task of trying to talk to someone who continually heaps on abuse. When called out, always justify it as, "It's what my character would do" and never attempt to develop them out of that behavior, or dial it back to a more approachable level.

Speaking of less-than-nice characters, roleplays can always use a good villain, or even just a good asshole. Your reason for playing an antagonistic character should always be to vent all your petty destructive urges, and never to make a good roleplay story. Allow another player to clock your asshole in the face with a sweet, cathartic punch, and maybe have them learn a lesson? Play out the downfall of your villain as a satisfying conclusion to a multiplayer story arc? Nah. You're here to have fun, and fun must always come at the expense of others.

Many players enjoy a good relationship roleplay. If seeking a love interest for your character, common suggestions are to talk it out with the other player beforehand to get their opinion, or to let it develop naturally in the roleplay through character chemistry and experiences. However, there is a faster, better solution: Decide which character you want to [REDACTED], and don't let anyone tell you otherwise! In roleplay, approach this character you want to [REDACTED], describing how attractive your own character is in every post. Make sure to step back, lick your teeth, and stare at the character, which is totally not uncomfortable. Continue talking about how much your character wants [REDACTED] after the other character's told them no. Whining to guilt trip them is not a red flag at all. If their character cites sexual orientation as a reason for rejection, have your character insist that they are wrong about themselves Bonus points if your faceclaim includes [REDACTED]... on a safe for work server.

Darker Topics

Certain subjects, like murder, gore, abuse, and self-harm, are dark. When roleplaying, you'll find players with a wide range of comfort levels, and comfort levels can change depending on a person's mood. Therefore, the best way to approach roleplaying these subjects is to surprise people with it! There's nothing like entering a roleplay scenario, then derailing it with senseless violence or creepy discussions that the other player never asked for. The other player will love it when, during a casual school hallway conversation, you surprise their character with a picture of a man you kidnapped and castrated-OH MY GAWD! (Yes, I've seen that one happen)

Ending Notes

And that concludes the guide for roleplaying. It was pretty simple. Most of it was just showing disregard for other players. Now, to continue my ongoing roleplay, I'll log in and... wait... Did I just get banned from another Discord server?