"Sam...the last time I saw you in the cage-"

"Yeah, doesn't matter."

The exchange of words between Michael and Sam had been bouncing around in Deans head for the past several hours and was keeping him from falling asleep.

It wasn't like he didn't know logically that Sam, Adam, Michael and Lucifer had all been in the cage together, he was there when they fell in. But after Sam's wall had been healed Dean's brother made it clear he didn't want to discuss Hell. Ever. And Dean had not hesitated to agree.

He knew Sam had nightmares and his own version of PTSD. So did Dean. They had grown up a lot since the apocalypse and were solid for the first time in years. Even when Sam chose not to trap God and fumbled through his reasonings, Dean did not for one second question Sam's decision.

Dean saw the shadow of Sam make his way by his door towards the library. He watched as 15 minutes ticked by before kicking off his blankets and following.

It was late, after 3 AM when Dean padded his way into the library and watched as his little brother slammed back a couple shots of whiskey before pouring another glass. Sam smiled softly as Dean walked in and pushed a second glass towards him.

The two brothers sat in companionable silence for a few moments as Dean nursed his drink.

"Couldn't sleep?" Dean asked.

Sam shook his head before leaning back in the chair, his eyes on the ceiling.

"No, hard to sleep when the world is ending." Sam answered.

Dean watched Sam for a few moments, taking in his bouncing leg and pinched eyes. Before settling on his hands. He watched as Sam pushed his thumb into his palm and silently wondered if he even knew he was doing it.

"That's not why you can't sleep." Dean stated.

Sam tilted his head towards his brother and opened his eyes.

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked.

Dean pointed towards Sam's hands and watched as his brother ripped them apart from each other.

"You haven't done that in a while... or have I just not noticed?"

Sam sighed and took another drink, leaning forward on his elbows.

"Dean... we don't have to talk about this."

"Yeah well... maybe we should."

"Why?"

Dean didn't know how to start this conversation, so he chose to rip open his own scars first.

"I still have nightmares. About what happened to me in Hell, things I did in Hell."

Sam scanned his brother's face trying to figure out where this was heading.

"I know." He answered honestly.

Dean nodded. He knew Sam knew that.

"I don't remember how many souls I tortured. But I guess I hope that when I am done, I have saved as many people as I tortured. Maybe then I will have earned a little redemption..."

"You already have. A 100 times over."

"Right... I'm not so sure about that."

Sam frowned a little.

"Listen, if you want to talk about Hell, you know I am always here to listen, but why do I get the feeling you are trying to ask me something?"

The kid had always been a perceptive little shit.

"I'm sorry I didn't ask you more about it."

"What? The Cage? I didn't want to talk about it. Why are you bringing this up now?"

"I just... you shut Michael down so quickly the other day... told him it didn't matter... I just don't want you to think it doesn't matter to me what happened to you. I know that you would have taken my Hell over The Cage any day."

Sam slammed back another few shots and filled his glass again.

"I know you care Dean. It wasn't about keeping secrets from you. I just didn't want to talk about it with him. Lucifer wasn't the only monster in The Cage. Believe me Michael was just as angry if not more so. I didn't just stop Lucifer that day at Stull. I dragged Michael down there with me and he made sure to let me know exactly what he thought of that. Lucifer has used those memories against me more than once I wasn't going to let Michael do the same."

Dean felt his stomach flip, and it had nothing to do with the alcohol.

"I guess part of me thought that Michael would be too busy torturing Adam to bother with you."

"Nobody touched Adam." Sam snapped.

Dean watched as Sam dug his thumb back into the meat of his palm.

"So what? He just sat around watching as two pissed off archangels tortured you?"

"No, they let him sleep mostly, and when he was awake... Michael just let him be...kept him safe from Lucifer."

Sam sat there smirking to himself, and after 37 years of learning what every facial expression his little brother made meant, he knew this one instantly. It was pride.

And it broke Dean's heart.

"You offered yourself in his place."

Sam shrugged.

"He was innocent, he shouldn't have been there in the first place. The least I could do was at least keep the kid safe."

"Spoken like a big brother." Dean said with a sad smile.

"I learned from the best."

"Sammy, you have to know... if I had of been there instead of Adam, I would've taken your place in a heartbeat."

"And I wouldn't have let you. You, Adam, anyone else, it wouldn't have mattered. I would have accepted the same deal."

Dean frowned, and recognised Sam's typical self flagellation.

"Why?"

"You wouldn't understand."

"Try me. I broke in Hell. I tortured souls. I am just trying to understand why you wouldn't jump at the chance for it to stop like I did."

"First of all, you didn't jump at the chance. You broke after thirty years like anyone would. But you forget one thing Dean. Unlike you, I am not nor was I ever a righteous man. I didn't sell my soul for love. I paid the price for my own mistakes. I was the chosen one. No one else deserved that punishment but me."

Dean looked at his brother as he continued to rub his palm. Sam was not the kid he was when he jumped into the cage. That could have easily been the end of the Winchester brothers. Now Sam was sitting in front of him, a few silver hairs growing in his chestnut locks in their home that they had fought to have.

"Sammy... look at me."

Hazel eyes met Dean's, the same eyes that had brought him to his knees all throughout their childhood.

"I told you I wanted to save as many people as I tortured in Hell... and you told me I had already earned my redemption. Well by that logic, you earned yours when you jumped in that cage and saved six billion people. What you did for Adam? That's an action of a man who is good."

Sam smiled and fiddled with his palm again.

"I try to be the man you raised me to be."

"You are."

Sam nodded and wiped harshly at his eyes.

"As long as we are talking... you asked about this." Sam said holding up his palm. "I have a grasp on reality if that's what you were asking. Sometimes I just need to remind myself. I spent a lot of time in the Cage Dean... and people have a habit of taking advantage of my mind when they realize I can handle pain."

Dean sighed and nodded his head. Sam's pain tolerance was high and it hadn't gone unnoticed by him that Sam sometimes didn't notice the extent of his own injuries. But he also knew how fragile his little brother's mind could be.

Dean also knew that Sam was the strongest man he had ever known.

"Anything I can do to help?"

Sam smiled warmly.

"You help by being here big brother, don't worry about me."

"Kinda my job."

Sam laughed quietly.

"Hey Dean?"

"Yeah Sammy?"

"Do you think Adam will ever find peace?"

Dean thought about that for a moment.

"I am sure he will someday, and so will you."