Total Drama: Battle of the Generations

by StayOuttaMyShed

After rebuilding the Jumbo Jet, Chris is ready for another tour around the world, this time with competitors from all three generations! Can Scott earn his team's trust? Will Shawn and Jasmine dominate the competition? And the Drama Brothers are back together? It's an all out battle for supremacy!

18. Brawl of the Wild

"Last time on Total Drama!" Unlike usual, it was Chef's voice narrating while various clips from the previous episode played. "Chris decided to have himself a lazy day, handing over the challenge reigns to ME! So I took them fools to Iran, making em' feel the heat." Footage showed the flame pillars. "That shock and awe." Beardo, Trent, and Anne Maria getting electrocuted. "And learn how to let loose on my dance floor!" Finally it showed Vinnie the moshing bear running into Dave.

"It came down to tall girl and the linebacker for immunity, but in the end Lightning came out on top." Finally was a recap of the closing dance off, with Jasmine climactically falling. "But wouldn't you know it, the poor sucker getting the axe later wasn't some athletic beast. Instead, it was Samey! Courtesy of Dave and his slimy conniving to scatter the votes."

After the clips of Dave plotting with Jo and Izzy, followed by them fanning out to divide up the votes, we were back in the cockpit with Chef grinning towards his cohost. "How'd I do? Not too shabby, eh?"

"You've got some serious talent, brah. Very impressive." Chris patted his companion on the head. "BUT, no one is ever topping me. Watch and learn." He shot the camera some finger pistols. "Will Dave regret getting rid of the one person left who was nice to him? Is Dawn any closer to uncovering his treachery? Can Trent figure out how to make Beardo stop embarrassing himself? All of these questions and more will be answered, this time on TOTAL... DRAMA... BATTLE OF THE GENERATIONS!"

One the dramatic pause was over, Chris did a little cocky chuckle. "See? Untouchable, am I right?"

"You're just built different, man!"

*** Opening Credits ***

All seemed to be quite aboard the jumbo jet. The camera panned across to show some rats and cockroaches scattering about, the only sounds coming from an otherwise dead silent economy class. Finally a new noise began. An intense pounding against the metal caused by Jasmine tapping her foot over and over. Her vengeful glare scanned the room, looking over each face and sizing up how likely it was any of them voted for her friend. Most averted their eyes, others pretended to have their attention elsewhere or even faked sleeping in Izzy's case. All but Jo, who sighed in annoyance at the continued tension

"Alright, if no one else has the cojones for it, I'll gladly be the one to say something." She snapped her head towards her Aussie opponent. "Would you cut it out trying to mad dog us? So your lame friend got eliminated. Whoope-de-doo."

"I'll feel however I bloody well please, thank you very much," she spat. "Sammy didn't do a thing to warrant being blindsided like that. You best believe I'm gonna get to the bottom of this since no one's man enough to admit that they voted for her. Until then? You'll have to put up with my leg twitching."

Jo laughed condescendingly. "That's all it'll take to get some peace and quiet? Then it's your lucky day Koala Breath! You wanna know who voted her off? You're looking at her."

A few of their fellow contestants tensed up and carefully observed Jasmine's reactions. Leshawna and Trent were ready to break up a scuffle if need be. Beardo gulped and made a chattering teeth sound effect. Izzy was now fully awake and watching with a curious morbid glee.

Jasmine grit her teeth and balled her fists. Dave preemptively scooted away just to make sure he was out of the line of fire. "You seem real proud of yourself. So tell me, what exactly did she do that had the big bad Jo shivering in her boots? She greet you too nicely one morning? Maybe hold a door open for you and that kindness was too much for you to handle?"

"Like I need to bother giving you my reasoning." The Jockette chuckled. "I don't owe you some kinda big justification. She had to go, so I voted her off. That's all you need to know."

Yeeeeah, that wasn't going to be good enough to control Jasmine's rage. But before she could retort, Dave cleared his throat and placed a hand on her shoulder.

"Maybe we should all just take a minute to relax? You guys need to keep in mind that she just got blindsided with her best friend's elimination on top of already feeling that back when Shawn got the boot. Cut her some slack." He tugged at his collar nervously. "At the same time Jasmine, you also gotta know that it's probably not some big personal attack and making everyone feel uneasy isn't going to help things."

"Yeah," Jo jeered jovially. "Last I checked we're on Total Drama, not Totally Let Captain Boomerang's Friends Get A Free Ride."

Izzy blinked in bewilderment. "No wonder, that name's totally a mouthful!"

"Look, maybe she's being a jerk about it, but Jo's got a point," Leshawna suddenly added. "You can't really expect to make it to the end of a game like this without getting people you care about eliminated along the way. Speaking from experience, sitting around being salty ain't gonna make things any better. I still regret making myself look a fool by being all pissy over Harold's boot. Least you have a chance to get even for it."

True, now that she knew Jo was to blame that gave her a goal to work towards. Time to knock that brute down a notch... but then again, she was just one person. As far as Jasmine knew, at least three votes had gone Brick's way and yet there wasn't even a tiebreaker.

"She can't have been the only one to vote for Sammy." Jasmine scanned the room, sizing up the competition. "Anyone else got something they want to say?"

A deafening silence followed. DJ and Beardo exchanged a shrug, Dawn calmly shook her head, Trent sighed and focused on his guitar.

"Yeeeeeah, so long as you're acting like they're gonna get a clobberin, I don't think anyone else is rushing to spill the beans," Anne Maria said. When attention turned to her she rolled her eyes. "But if anyone cares, I voted for wackjob over here." She pointed a thumb towards Izzy. "No offense, toots."

"None taken! I'll probably vote for you at some point too!"

*** Confessional: Dave ***

"Sammy had to go. If I wanted to ensure Jasmine seeing me as her closest ally it had to get done sooner rather than later, and who knows when I'd have a chance to eliminate someone so well liked down the line. I probably won't be able to pull off that scattered vote trick again anytime soon, hopefully this was worth it." Was he still feeling guilt? Maybe a bit. But there were more pressing matters to worry about. "Problem is, Jasmine's taking this worse than I thought she would. The longer she keeps making a big deal out of things, the more likely people are to get fed up and target her. It'd also be nice to keep Jo around to keep any heat off me, but she can't stop running her mouth!"

He groans into his hands. "Am I the only one who appreciates the benefits of staying under the radar? Guess I'll just have to figure out who could be a bigger target than them until Jasmine finally chills out."

*** Meanwhile in First Class ***

As the plane continued its voyage, Brick was treated to the lovely window seat sight of a bird getting thwacked by the jet's wing. As cushy and relaxing as riding first class should be, he was having a hard time enjoying himself. Jo's taunts of him being the sideman that had no drive to actually win the game kept playing in his head and the insecurity was spreading by the minute. Nearby Lightning was enjoying a massage from one of the interns, deep into recounting his list of accolades.

"And that's how I won the game that got us into nationals! Lightning was unstoppable!" Was she actually paying attention? He didn't know and didn't care. "So anyway, then I sprained my ankle in a cornhole accident and got stopped from being in the next game. Sometimes it be like that on this sha-witch of an Earth." Before he could jump into another sports story he noticed that he hadn't heard his bro talk for a while now. "Yo Brick, you want next massage? I'm thinking of heading to the cargo room to bench press some crates soon, table is gonna be open. You should go for it, ya seem like your head ain't in the game."

It was then the cadet noticed the uncharacteristic malaise in his reflection. "I do, don't I?" He heaved a heavy sigh, lurching over to the massage table. "Apologies, last challenge really took a toll on me I guess."

"Ain't no thang, bro. Just rest up them muscles so we can be in top shape for the next round."

Lightning hopped off, somersaulting midair and sticking the landing. As Brick lied down and watched him head off to the cargo, that nagging doubt in the back of his mind kept bothering him. Did he also view Brick as just a sidekick on his road to winning?

"Say, Lightning?" But just as he was about to ask if the jock viewed him as a true equal and not just some tagalong, he realized how awkward it would sound. "Er, don't strain yourself too hard, alright?"

"Sha-please. Lightning don't know the meaning of straining! It's the weights that gotta keep up with ME, not the other way around."

And then he was off, leaving Brick to stew in his conflicting thoughts.

*** Confessional: Brick ***

"Ugh, I really let Jo get in my head. Believe me, she's the last person I wanna admit may be right. But... now that the competition is heating up, I really do need to start thinking about how I win instead of getting left in the dust." He punched his hand in determination. "But I'll do it without having to play dirty again! I'll show her she doesn't know what she's talking about when I win today's challenge! Then I guarantee it'll be ME in HER head. Heck, I bet she's already paranoid about me right now!"

*** Confessional: Jo ***

"Ok but seriously, there still hasn't been anyone able to explain how Izzy transported me to the jet while it was mid air. I mean how the fu-"

*** In Economy Class ***

Sometime later, things were somewhat calmer in the cheap seats. Mostly because Jasmine had fallen asleep. Some contestants mingled about this and that. Speculation on where they'd go next, wondering about how those eliminated were doing, ways they'd like to see Chris embarrassed on national television. And then there was Beardo, hiding out in a hallway corner whispering to a flummoxed Trent.

"Come on man, can't ya just ask her what she likes in a guy? I feel like I'm going in blind here and I don't wanna look a fool like last time."

"And I'm telling you that you're overthinking it," Trent retorted. "You just came on too strong orbiting her during the challenge. I think there was potential for a connection when you guys were talking about clubs and all that."

"Only for me to lose any interest she had when I kept blabbing," he pointed out. "Please, I just need some more material to work with so I don't embarrass myself the next time I talk to her. Keeping it cool ain't as easy for me as it is for you. I'll owe you a solid, I promise."

As if he didn't already owe him a solid for helping out with this in the first place? Sighing, Trent shrugged in acceptance. "Alright, alright. I'll see what I can find out."

Just as Trent had wandered off to go find Anne Maria, Beardo failed to notice a new presence suddenly appear behind him.

"Don't sell yourself short, Beardo," Dawn said, ignoring the yelp her fellow contestant let out. "If the change your aura has gone through over the season is any indication, you've already made excellent strides in preparing yourself to get out of your comfort zone. Impressive considering all the insecurities you struggle with."

Bro was not paying attention to anything she was saying, his heart was busy pumping from that sudden jumpscare. "For real, how do you move so stealthy like that? You come from a family of ninjas or something?"

"Perhaps. I'm just as curious to how you seamlessly recreate the calls of nearly any animal down to the most minute detail. An uncanny talent like that surely couldn't have been easy to learn." She smiled. "Like I said, don't sell yourself short. Push through that crippling lack of confidence and there's a lot you can accomplish if you set your mind to it."

He blinked in confusion. "Soooo... you're saying there's a chance Anne Maria will be into me?"

Her calm demeanor faltered a bit. It was true that Beardo was certainly coming out of his shell and gaining confidence. But wooing her was... an odd matchup to be sure. "Who knows what the universe has in store for us? There's certainly potential for it to happen. But you can't just let your friend do all the work for you, sometimes you just have to put yourself out there."

Dang, now he felt bad sending Trent off to gather intel. Too late to do anything about it. "Yeah, you probably right. Going forward I guess I'll just try and put in the work myself. But I'm sure Trent talking to her this one time shouldn't be too much of a biggie."

Coincidently, at that very moment Trent was worrying that this was, indeed, becoming a biggie.

"Listen, I promise there's no ulterior motives here. I'm just trying to make small talk! It's a perfectly normal thing to ask what you look for in a guy."

Anne Maria smirked devilishly. "Uh huh. And I know betta than to think a guy would want to know without a reason. So how about you fess up to the why. Something tells me you ain't just asking for a friend."

"Actually yes, I am literally just asking for a friend," Trent said flatly.

"Suuuure, that's what they all say." She scooted closer, batting her eyelashes and puffing up the poof. "You can be honest with me, stud muffin. Who knows, ya might like where it leads."

Nope. Nope nope nope. Trent immediately shot up and fought the urge to sigh obnoxiously. "You know what? I just remembered I was supposed to... help Chef steer the plane? Yeah that's it. We'll probably crash and die in a fire if I don't hurry. Gotta go."

He was gone in a flash before she had a chance to say anything else. To him it was evacuating a messy situation before things got even worse. To her? She just figured he was being bashful and getting cold feet. Or maybe playing hard to get? Either way she could dig it.

"Can you believe it?" She gushed as she sat back near Leshawna. "Ya girl's got a famous musician trying to wine and dine her! You'd think a guy like that would have an easier time just coming straight out with it. Guess I'm just a league above the usual broads he deals with on tour, huh?"

Having watched that whole trainwreck unfold, Leshawna's brow shot up in disbelief. "Girl, I've seen the look in that boy's eyes when he's in love. I was basically the third wheel in our friend group half the time back in the day. I'm pretty sure he really was just trying to make small talk."

A dude NOT being romantically interested in her? Yeah right. Next she'd tell her something equally insane like Santa Claus not being real. Anne Maria scoffed and waved her hand dismissively. "Sounds like somebody's jealous."

"Wha- The guy's more like a brother to me if anything. Plus did you forget the fact that I already HAVE a boyfriend? Listen, I-" Just as she was about to go off, it suddenly hit her that this could put a wedge between the alliance. And all for what? Because Anne Maria read the room wrong? Nah, it wasn't worth it. "Ya know what? What do I know? This ain't none of my business, so I'm keeping my nose out of it."

*** Confessional: Leshawna ***

"After four seasons around the guy, I think I've got a pretty good idea what kinda taste Trent has in women. And Anne Maria? She ain't it." Which just made this all the more confusing. "But he should also have enough sense to know what asking those kinda questions is gonna do towards a girl with an ego that big. Guy's basically begging for a misunderstanding. Why's this cast just getting messier by the day?"

Well hey, if these people wanted to keep stirring up trouble that was sure to lead to inevitable drama, that was fine by her. Spotlight on everyone else meant no one was looking Shawnie's way come vote time. "Oh well, couldn't be me."

*** Above a lotta sand ***

Sometime later, the jumbo jet soared above their newest location. It was course, and rough, and irritating, and it certainly seemed to go everywhere as far as they could see. A long winding desert right up against the Atlantic ocean. The contestants were gathered in the usual dinning hall, crowding around the windows and watching the sprawling landscape in awe.

"Getting some bad flashbacks to my time in Egypt," DJ mused, a shiver going down his spine. He'd be staying far away from any mummified animals crossing his path.

"Thankfully for you, we're on the opposite side of Africa this time," Chris suddenly announced, strolling into the area flanked by two interns and Chef. "Namibia to be more specific. And that down there is the Namib Desert. Home to sand, ship wrecks, sand, a lack of nearly any civilization, sand, aaaand the location of your next challenge." He paused for dramatic effect. "Oh, and can't forget the sand."

Most of the contestants looked to be dreading the arid environment, tugging at their collars and pondering if they'd need to wear less layers. But Lightning ain't most people.

"Bring it on! Lightning lives for the sweat. If you ain't pumping iron so hard it's got you sweating like a pig, you ain't doing it right!"

"Actually, thanks to the coastal breeze it can actually get a bit chilly here at times. This place is ancient. Like, literally the oldest desert in the world ancient. So it can get a little wacky." He chuckled ominously. "Not the least of which includes the local wildlife!"

With a snap of his fingers the interns stepped forward to show off pictures of each animal mentioned.

"Some critters you might expect to see in a place like this. Poisonous vipers, beetles, hyenas, foxes, their signature oryx called the Gemsbok. But despite the harsh sandy terrain, a few more animals that may seem more at home in a savanna call this place home. We're talking elephants, rhinos, zebras, horses. And yes, even the allusive desert lion!" He gave special highlight to a picture of a lion eating a seal on the desert's coast. "It's the only known lion in the world that has a steady diet of seafood!"

Immediately eyes lit up for the animal lovers in the crowd.

"I've heard a lot about this place, it was on my bucket list of countries to explore when me and Shawn had the money for it," Jasmine squeed. "Get a load of those beauties!"

"So majestic," Dawn agreed. "To have the tenacity to adapt with such unorthodox terrains against all odds. Truly remarkable creatures."

"And I'll sure as heck take cute foxes and elephants over getting swarmed by man eating scarabs any day of the week," DJ added.

"Glad you guys are excited about the animals! It'll make today that much funnier." Chris started laughing uproariously, Chef joining him soon after. Once the contestants were sufficiently unnerved, he gave the big man a nod. "Dump it."

Chef suddenly whipped out a big red button. Once pressed the whole jet began to rumble and many animals on the sand below looked up curiously. A hatch had opened up at the bottom of the plane and a strange red mist began pouring out. If the players looked outside they could watch as the unknown substance began slowly descending towards land.

"What is that stuff?" Brick asked.

"Hmm? Oh, you mean this stuff right here?" Chris suddenly held up a spray bottle with the same red substance within. "You guys wanna know one of my favorite parts of doing these globetrotting seasons? Getting to make new friends in interesting places! For example, back during World Tour I really hit it off with the army dudes running Area 51. I still keep in touch with some of them! A lot of the experiments they put those aliens through makes for good challenge inspiration, ya know?"

Beardo and Leshawna exchanged a look of concern.

"Anyway, the colonel was telling me about this neat experimental substance they've been cooking up down there. They call it Maldium. Get it on your skin or take a good whiff and it'll make your aggression levels skyrocket! Observe."

Without warning he suddenly spritzed one of the interns in the face. Before the other intern could react, he got a spray as well. At first they merely wiped their eyes and looked mildly confused. At first. But after a few seconds they took one look at each other and glared with overwhelming fury. They pounced at their opponent and fists began to fly, both men punching, kicking, and biting wildly with reckless abandon.

"As you can see, Maldium gets rid of any and all restraint someone might have and replaces those useless less entertaining feelings with a desire for violence. Adrenaline and pain resistance goes up too! Not only does it work on humans and the aliens down in Area 51, it also works on animals." He pointed a thumb towards the windows. "Aaaaaaand we just coated the Namib Desert in the stuff."

By now the mist had reached the ground with various animals getting coated in the substance. At one moment all the creatures stood there peacefully, blissfully confused at what was going on. But then in the next moment, all hell broke lose. A laughing hyena pounced on a rhino who angrily tried to buck it off. A mole emerged from underground to jump and punch a gemsbok in the face, only to get kicked in response. Nearby a viper pounced and coiled around a mongoose, the back of its tail curling into a fist shape and punched before the mongoose tossed it off and delivered an elbow drop. An enraged fox began furiously throwing rocks at an elephant, though despite the massive size of its target it managed to miss every time. Eventually the pachyderm took notice and gave chase.

And finally, elsewhere in a secluded sand dune, a lone desert lion had been sleeping peacefully without a care in the world. But the nefarious red haze suddenly coated the snoozing beast and its eyes shot open with an intense bloodlust. Chris allowed a few moments for the contestants to stand there in gobsmacked silence. But inevitably those very same animal lovers soon looked ready to kick his ass.

"You did WHAT?" Dawn screeched in perhaps the loudest her voice had ever raised.

"How in the heck is that even legal?" DJ added. "No shot the country would agree to letting you do something like this. Man you've done some messed up stuff over the years but even this feels like its pushing it."

"Do you have any idea what this can do to the ecosystem, ya bloody wanker?" Jasmine didn't bother with any restraint and hoisted Chris up by the collar. Chef moved to intervene, but Chris has anticipated such a reaction and motioned for him to relax.

"Guys, guys, come on, don't worry. I'm not done explaining yet." He gave the Aussie an expecting look until she eventually let him go. "Now yes, I'll admit, we weren't exactly given explicit clearance to do something like this. BUT, in my defense, once I found out the animals here are actually pretty chill I had to do something."

"No. No you did NOT have to do that you careless tyrant," Dawn protested.

Chris pretended he didn't hear her. "BUT, the good news is we used a weak strain of the Maldium, so it'll wear off naturally after a few hours. And if you guys are good at the challenge it won't even matter, because that's what you dudes are doing today!"

On cue, Chef whipped out two new spray bottles, these filled with a green liquid. He tossed one to his co-host and together the men sprayed the interns while they were in the middle of a suplex contest. Almost instantly they snapped out of their violent rampage and collapsed in a groaning heap.

"We'll be providing each of you with a supply of the antidote. Spray any animal, bird, fish, bug, or unidentified freaking thing affected by the Maldium with this stuff and they'll be good as new. And believe me, you want to cure as many animals as possible. Whoever successfully calms the most critters before the time limit is up will be tonight's immunity winner!"

"There's gonna be a point system," Chef explained. "The deadlier the animal, the more they're worth if you cure them. Harmless little beetle? That'll barely be worth anything. But if you manage to cure something like the desert lion? That's basically like hitting the jackpot!"

"Once the effects of the Maldium wears off naturally the challenge is over and we'll review the tapes to see who won. And that's it, track down the beasts, cure them if you can, and try not to die along the way. Simple, right?"

Everyone stared at the host, many in horror, others furious, some perhaps a mix of both.

*** Cockpit Confessional: Jasmine ***

Chef had plugged his ears and trembled in annoyance as the Aussie continued to rant at him for an unknown amount of time.

"I mean honestly, of all the boneheaded things you could do, pissing off an entire country with essentially chemical warfare against their knowledge really takes the cake! It doesn't bloody matter if the stuff wears off, who knows what kind of damage that could be done before then. You don't go and mess with the natural order like that and not expect there to be consequences."

The large man continued to ignore her.

"I'll tell you what, he's about as thick in the skull as it comes. He's already been to jail once, right? Is he trying to find the quickest way to go back? Because it's where a slimeball like him belongs, that's for sure."

Suddenly Chef snapped and stood up defiantly. "For your information, he ran that prison yard like a gosh darn king. So he'd handle himself just fine if he went back. AND I'll have you know that he looks dang good in a jumpsuit. Downright radiant even!"

An incredulous Jasmine stammered in confusion. "I-I hardly see how that's relevant?"

*** In the Namib Desert ***

Soon after the contestants had been dropped off on the desert's coastline. On one side was the ocean, various shipwrecks visible not far out in the water. To the opposite side was a massive sand dune. A sight they'd be seeing a lot of for this challenge. The Maldium had definitely reached at least as far as the beach, since nearby a few cape fur seals were boxing it out.

"Hmm, the one with the sweet whiskers has a heck of a left hook, but the spotted one has the reach advantage," Izzy reasoned while spectating the fight. "I'm feeling 20 bucks on Spotty! Anyone want in on this?"

Before anyone could humor her, Jo had immediately sprayed both seals who looked around in confusion.

"Don't encourage this brutality." Dawn's glower was surprisingly intimidating, enough to make even Izzy feel a bit of shame. "At least it seems Jo isn't going to stand for this."

The jockette finished spraying an octopus that had tried wrestling her before tossing it back in the ocean. "I could care less about the fight club, Scary God Mother. But if I see an animal I'm spraying it, points are points. Two challenges without first class is two times too many. Later chumps!"

And she was off, doing a drive-by spritz to any seal, crab, oyster, and whatever else that may catch her eye.

"Well, ulterior motives or not at least she's helping fix Chris' crimes against nature. I'd suggest we do the same." The beach seemingly covered, Dawn turned her attention to the sand dunes and began her ascension. Most followed, though Leshawna decided to go down the opposite direction. May as well copy the marine life strategy, and maybe she'd find a place to reach the mainland without having to tackle such a steep climb.

As most of the contestants struggled with trudging up the sand, Lightning was zooming through it with ease, Brick not far behind.

"Psh, Jo WOULD take the easy stuff. Her loss, Lightning's gonna find him that lion and hit the big money!" He grinned back at his ally. "You wanna tag along?"

Brick looked off, conflicted. On one hand he just knew things were going to be a lot more painful working together. But on the other, while he didn't want to play dirty he also recalled what Jo said about playing more for himself rather than handing wins to Lightning. "Er, it's probably best for us to spread out. Only one of us can get the points after all. May as well cover as many animals as we can. Less for the others to tag, ya know?"

The jock couldn't find any fault in that logic. Meanwhile, in stark contrast to Brick's plan, Dave was sticking to Jasmine like glue.

"It's not that I don't mind the company mate, but are you sure you wouldn't rather go hunting solo? You ain't gonna get a whole lot of points this way."

Dave was currently being pummeled by a beetle that took one look at his face and felt pissed off. The blows were as soft as you'd expect, but he was having a heck of a time trying to swat the pest away.

"Believe me, I'd rather just help you. Call me a pessimist, but against the likes of an animal wrangler like you, powerhouses like Lightning, and a guy who can actually perfectly mimic animal sounds, I really don't think I have a chance of winning." Finally his ally was able to carefully pluck the bug harassing him out of midair and give it a spray. "But what I CAN do is help you out to give you a better chance at winning. I'd say you deserve a stay in first class after last time."

Normally that would have been a nice moment for her to express appreciation. But suddenly the duo found themselves staring down the furious glare of a hyena. It charged at the germaphobe, salivating and cackling maniacally... only for Jasmine to effortlessly cut it off mid-jump with a blast of antidote.

"... and if I'm being honest, I'd prefer having someone nearby to help protect me from being killed," Dave finished.

Speaking of the man with 1000 sound effects, Beardo took notice of a lurking meerkat and maneuvered towards it with all the stealth a guy with a giant afro could muster. Once he was close enough he let out an imitation of the beast's call to try and lure it close. Good news was that it worked and he sprayed the vicious creature before it could realize its opponent was larger than expected. The bad news? A nearby rhino had also heard the call, and now IT was the one with the element of surprise. It chased the scruffy boy off, Beardo blaring a nuclear alarm all the while.

"Dude, make it run THIS way, I can spray it," Trent tried to call out. But it seemed his ally couldn't hear him over his own sound effect or the rhino's intimidating snorts. "Or you could wander into the desert and risk running into something even worse. Cool. Glad that's the choice you went with."

As he chased after his buddy, it wasn't long before the musician came across someone else struggling. Anne Maria had managed to find a fight club of gemsboks, with antlers clashing and hooves flying. Thankfully for her she was scrappy enough to bob and weave around her horned foes and spray them all for a respectable amount of points. But immediately after that a lurking viper that'd been hiding in the sand took its shot and coiled around her neck, swatting away her arm with its tail whenever she tried to turn the spray bottle on it.

"Good lord Chris, you're gonna get someone killed with this one..." Ever the good Samaritan, Trent jumped into action and sprayed the strangling snake swiftly, it flopping harmlessly to the sand before it could realize where it was.

"You alrig-" He began before immediately being cut off with a cloud of hair spray. She'd nearly been choked out and she STILL wanted to apply a new coat?

"Dumb lizard almost messed up my poof!"

If you asked him, he would have been more concerned about being choked to death. But it seemed she was just built different. "You alright?" he managed to wheeze out between coughs.

"Neva betta, Dollface. But it's sweet that you came to rescue me. Thanks for being such a gentleman."

"Don't mention it, I would have done it for literally anyone. In fact, I should get back to helping out-" Suddenly she was tracing a finger across his chest flirtatiously. "Uhhh?"

"Mhm, that's what they all say. You just happened to be in the right place at the right time." She scooted closer, biting her lower lip. "Or, maybe you were waiting for a chance to be my hero."

Trent held his hands up defensively. "Nope, nuh uh, literally just so happened to run by as I was trying to help someone else. And he probably still needs my help, soooo..."

Not giving her a chance to object, Trent ran off towards where he last saw Beardo and the rhino heading. Would he be able to catch up? No clue, but he very much needed to be anywhere that wasn't here right now.

"Tch, men. Always gotta make things more complicated than they are, eh?" She looked towards a nearby mole poking out of the sand for approval. Its response was to curl up into a ball and bounce off her head.

*** Confessional: Trent ***

"Yeah... something tells me the amount of favors Beardo owes is gonna be through the roof when this is all said and done."

*** Being chased by a fucking elephant ***

Where was DJ right now you may ask? Why he was being chased by a fucking elephant. Bet you didn't see that one coming. Our brickhouse figured he could sneak in real quiet and spritz the big guy while it was distracted. For his troubles now he had the ear piercing blare of the elephant's trumpet ringing behind him, but it was also occasionally scooping up trunk-fulls of sand and tossing them at its prey. Bit by bit he was getting blinded, not to mention the unpleasant crunch of getting it in his mouth. If anything, it was quickly making the thought of trying to spray it before he could get mauled less likely. Best to act while he still had a bit of eye sight.

"Please let this work, please let this-" The moment he turned to stand his ground and ready himself, the elephant nailed him in the hand with another sand attack. His spray bottle went flying. It was super effective. "No!"

Without missing a beat the pachyderm delivered a vicious headbutt that sent him back a few feet. Wind knocked out of him, nearly blind, and now he was dazed and disarmed? The brickhouse could do little more than shut his eyes and scream for his life as his attacker reared up its trunk. And then...

Nothing. Moments passed and he realized he had somehow not yet shuffled from this mortal coil. Eventually he mustered up the courage to take a peek. No longer filled with rage, the elephant was simply looking down and tilting its head in puzzlement. Dawn suddenly poked her head up from atop the beast, spray bottle in hand.

"Are you ok?"

Finally he could breathe a sigh of relief. "Considering how I'd be dead if it weren't for you? I'm peachy."

Dawn smiled before gently petting the poor creature's head. "Elephants are exceptionally smart, unfortunately that seems to make them dangerous foes when their inhibitions have been tampered with." Once it was calmed, the animal gently wrapped its trunk around her and set her next to DJ. "He's very sorry for scaring you. It's unnatural for them, they're typically compassionate and gentle animals. Come to think of it, they remind me of you."

He chuckled bashfully. "No hard feelings big guy, it ain't your fault that-"

Suddenly he was struck in the head yet again. Though this time it was a tiny pebble to the back of his neck. Not hard enough to leave a mark, but just enough to elicit a startled yelp. The group turned to find a seething fennec fox holding an armful of stones. It lobbed rock after rock towards the group, most missing wildly. Even the elephant could simply lean a bit and avoid any stray shots coming its way.

"She certainly has spunk, but her aim is terrible." Dawn gave the critter a quick spray, knocking it from its daze. "There there, little one. We mean you no harm."

Poor thing had no idea how it got here, what was going on, and who any of these creatures were. But that was no issue for Dawn. She calmly scratched behind the fox's ears, humming a soothing tune until it could finally relax. But just as it began to ease up, something whizzed past the two of them and it jumped on to her shoulder for protection.

The source of the disturbance was none other than Izzy, riding atop a brown horse that skidded to a halt next to them. And in the process kicking up a wave of sand that covered an annoyed DJ and elephant.

"Howdy partners! You guys doing one of those middle of the desert romantic dates that's all the rage these days? Hope I didn't interrupt you right as things were getting spicy."

"No we're... doing the challenge?" DJ eyed her steed curiously. "You sure you should be riding that thing like its some kinda farm horse?"

Izzy nodded enthusiastically. "Don't worry about ol bronco here, he's having fun riding me around the Namib. Sure he tried to buck me off for like 20 minutes, but once I gave him a nice spray of antidote it was all water under the bridge."

"... why did it take her that long to do the obvious?" Dawn whispered.

"Logic ain't really her specialty."

The fox peeked out from behind Dawn's hair and growled at the unhinged ginger. It tried lobbing another pebble towards her, but she caught it midair before it could connect.

"Aww, I think you friend wants to play fetch! Tell her to go long and I'll-"

"No, Kimone simply doesn't like you." She looked towards her new fennec friend who nodded in agreement. "I sense that she doesn't like people being loud and obnoxious. Quite relatable, if you ask me." To prove her point the fox stuck out its tongue and retreated back into Dawn's hair.

Izzy clutched her chest and gasped dramatically. "Ah, you wound me Kimone! Breaking my poor little heart! Where do you get the names for these critters anyway, do you just make em up on the spot or...?"

"Nah, if she can get em to trust her they'll just say it. And she's got a knack for getting animals to open up." DJ had been dusting sand off his new elephant friend, who tooted appreciatively. "There's a rat living on the jet that likes to go by Jeremy the Eater of Dreams, I don't think that's the kinda thing she'd name it on her own."

"He's very particular about calling him the whole thing, just Jeremy won't do." As fun as this was, they were wasting time just standing around talking. With her fox friend tugging on her hair and motioning towards more fighting animals in the distance, Dawn nodded in agreement. "But I believe it's best I get back to the challenge. DJ, I think your friend wants to assist however he can as a means to make up for nearly flattening you earlier. The two of us will continue East, so perhaps you could handle the west?"

Izzy slid up with her wide grin. "And what about me?"

"... if you'll actually focus on helping the animals instead of wasting time, you can cover the North." Preferably as far away from her as possible. And with that Dawn took her leave. DJ allowed the elephant to hoist him up to its back and they began to head the opposite way when Izzy suddenly started giggling.

"Ooooooh, I felt some serious sparks just now! I think she likes you!"

The brickhouse grunted in frustration, trying to ignore his blush. "Yes Izzy, I'm aware. Can you please not make a big deal about it? I'm still not sure how I want to go about things right now and I really don't want things to be awkward between me and Dawn."

"Dawn?" Izzy tilted her head curiously. "I wasn't talking to you, silly, I was talking to the elephant!" She elbowed the pachyderm and waggled her eyebrows. "That cute fox girl was TOTALLY checking you out, big guy. Just give me the green light and I'll totally try to hook you up with Kimone's number."

DJ and the elephant exchanged an incredulous look before promptly rushing off without a word.

*** Cockpit Confessional: Elephant ***

Now that his world was turned upside down, the elephant stroked its chin contemplatively with its trunk. It made an inquisitive toot, to which Chef shrugged.

"What the heck are you asking me for? I ain't never dated no fox."

*** In the Namib Desert ***

A montage played of what everyone else had been up to. First up was Dave luring a pack of ravenous wildebeest towards an inconspicuous quiver tree. He'd amassed quite the posse, with at least 6 of the beasts drooling and licking their lips as they inched ever so closer within biting range. Suddenly a shoelace came loose, sending the germaphobe stumbling forward. He screamed and braced himself, but thankfully he landed just close enough for Jasmine to emerge from behind the tree with spray bottle in hand. She laid down a solid cloud of mist before wrangling one of the wildebeest in mid-air just as it was inches from chomping down on some Dave jerky. Once they were all dealt with the duo ran off while Jo could be seen in the background spritzing a horde of pangolins.

Next Brick was stepping up to fend off a never-ending onslaught of zebras fiending to knock his lights out. One by one they'd step up to try and punch or headbutt the guy, only for him to dodge, duck, dip, dive, and dodge his way around every blow to deliver his spray in retaliation. But once his stripped attackers were all bested, a new challenger approached. An unassuming dik-dik waving its arms in a boxing stance. The cadet foolishly put up his fists expecting a fair fight. But this critter fought dirty and was more than willing to go below the belt. So just like that Brick-Brick got a kick-kick from the dik-dik to his dick-dick. A passing Jo relished in his pain for a bit before finally calming the antelope with her own bottle.

Elsewhere Leshawna had found herself clinging for dear life to a rhino horn as it furiously tried to shake her loose. The good news was Anne Maria had arrived just in time for the assist. The bad news? She accidently pulled out her hair spray rather than the antidote, effectively pissing off the animal twice as much when it got an eyeful of aerosol. It flung Leshawna into her like a bowling ball and reared up for an impalement, only for Izzy to ride by on her horse and do a drive-by spray. Just as the girls began to breathe a sigh of relief they'd be attacked by the sky itself. Or rather a group of damara tern's flying down to peck at them furiously. It was enough of an obstacle that they failed to notice a certain jockette lurking in the background to spray the occasional gemsbok.

Finally was... a trail of animals? Various critters of different sizes laid sprawled out, disoriented and whiffing some premium antidote. The line started with the likes of meerkats and honey badgers, but grew in size to the likes of ostriches and springboks. Soon the source of the cured animals would be revealed. Lightning, currently occupied holding a charging buffalo by the horns while it furiously snorted. It pushed with all its might to try and impale his pray, but Lightning was the irresistible force AND the immovable object. Eventually he let out a war cry and managed to thrust his attacker's horns into the sand, finally spraying it before pulling it back out.

"Man, I musta sprayed a hundred animals by now and I STILL ain't seen no sign of that dang lion." He cupped his hands around his mouth and started yelling. "What's the matter pussy cat? You some kinda... chicken? Come on out and face Lightning like a man!"

On cue, something would answer Lightning's call. He turned to face a massive feline cracking its knuckles and gnashing its teeth. Before he could react the animal punched him in the gut. Lightning tried swinging, but the critter was fast and dodged before throwing another haymaker. He tried wrangling the beast around the waist, only for it to deliver a knee to the chest that knocked the wind out of him. Expecting its foe to be too disoriented to respond, the animal opened its maw and prepared for a nice mouthful of Lightning... only to get a defiant spray of antidote as soon as its guard was lowered.

"Ha! Gotcha."

Lightning's spotted foe fell down with an exhausted sigh while he flexed his muscles for the nearby camera. "Yeah baby! That's gotta be the lion for sure. And it wasn't no match for The Lightning! First class may as well be renamed to Lightning's mojo dojo casa house at this rate. Shoot, these fools better be ready for me to win every dang challenge from now until the finale. And then I'll win that too!"

While he had at least another solid 10 minutes of popping off material left in the tank, two screams rudely interrupted him as they quickly approached. It was Beardo and Trent, now BOTH being pursued by the raging rhino. Neither boy dared to risk taking a moment to try and spray, less they wind up a shish kabob. Honestly, the audacity of these fools to get so bent out of shape over something so simple. Saying nothing, Lightning merely pushed the boys out of the way once they passed by and used the horn as a vault to leap clear over the rhino, spraying at it in mid-air, before landing with immaculate form. Now overcome with exhaustion, the rhino skid to a halt and took a rest next to the feline from earlier.

"You... you really just saved our bacon," Trent wheezed appreciatively.

"I... have been running... for 30 minutes," Beardo forced out between gasps for air. "Thank... you."

Lightning hauled them back to their feet and dusted them off. "Tch, ain't no thang. Free points for me, and y'all get to keep your heads. I call that a win-win." But back to more important matters, basking in the glow of his common Ws. "Ya may as well head back for the plane, Lightning already managed to tag the big bad lion!"

The boys looked over at the spotted feline.

"Dude, that's a cheetah," Trent deadpanned.

"Still impressive to take down solo, but yeah, not a lion." Beardo did a cheetah growl followed by a lion roar to emphasize the difference.

Lightning grunted in frustration. "For real? Man, what's a guy gotta do around her to fight a dang lion?"

Suddenly a deafening roar echoed in the distance, following by someone screaming.

Trent casually scooted behind the super athlete for protection. "Sounds like you might get your answer."

With the roar and scream continuing the three boys ran towards the source, one more determined than the others.

*** Confessional: Beardo ***

"On the bright side, all this running makes for some good exercise! At this rate I'm gonna be like three shirt sizes smaller at the end of the season. Assuming I don't get eaten alive by then." Suddenly his legs wobbled and he plopped to the toilet with a thud. "Why'd no one ever tell me exercise was so dang exhausting?"

*** Brick having a bad day ***

Soon the boys would discover the man behind the getting slaughtered. Brick was pinned to the ground with a desert lion mounting him, pummeling punch after punch into his back. When he noticed the others approaching he wheezed out a desperate cry for help.

"Hang tight bro! Lightning's got this."

As soon as the jock started running towards them, the lion thought fast and hurled Brick's body into him like a sack of potatoes. With them disposed of, it snapped its head towards the others and snarled in annoyance. Beardo was too petrified to move so he did the next best thing he could think off. Imitating the sound of a bigger stronger lion. It didn't work, the feline just took that as a challenge and rushed forward to uppercut the hairy man out of his shoes. Next it glared at Trent, who held his hands up defensively.

"Uh... meow?"

*** Confessional: Beardo and Trent ***

"It wasn't a bad first try, but your lion roar needs work," Beardo noted, now sporting a black eye. "You gotta really picture the animal you wanna mimic, and for something like that you harness the bass since your voice has to get really low."

Trent, also now covered in scratches and bruises, tried to resist the urge to pass out. "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind for next time."

*** Just a couple of dudes getting their ass beat ***

Back in the Namib, the boys were having a hell of a time simply trying to survive. Try as they may to spray their foe, the lion was crafty and seemingly figured out pretty quickly he needed to avoid the spray bottles. Brick tried to sneak up from behind? It would flip behind him and toss the cadet away like garbage. Lightning attempting to grapple him long enough to wear him down? Our feline would just slam him into the sand and give a few kicks for good measure. Trent and Beardo trying to charge at him from both sides? The lion expertly jumped out of the way, prompting the duo to spray each other in the face instead.

Soon enough each of the lads had dropped their bottles and were getting no window for retrieval. With each punch, kick, and headbutt the lion was wearing them down. Even Lightning was looking a little woozy despite him foolishly still standing his ground against the beast. "That all you got? There's four of us and one of you, this ain't gonna end well!"

"Please clarify that it won't end well for him before that jinxes us," Trent grumbled as he leaned against Beardo to avoid toppling over.

"Soldiers, I think this might call for a last ditch effort," Brick groaned. "I say we storm him at all at once, full frontal assault. Me, Trent, and Lightning try to keep him pinned down, and then Beardo goes for the antidote."

With the lion seeing blood and not a whole lot left in the tank, the others had no choice but to agree. First the boys let out a desperate battle cry. The lion responded with a ferocious roar. It took off like a bullet, making a beeline for Lightning so it could dispose of the strongest link early. In turn the guys locked arms and charged while bracing themselves for the worst. Soon enough they were within arms reach of the lion... before it suddenly collapsed, causing the four of them to trip over its limp body.

"What the-" Beardo hacked up a mouthful of sand. "Did it get tired out?"

"Nah, I just snuck in and sprayed it while you guys had it distracted."

Suddenly Jo towered over the boys and chuckled at their misfortune. While Trent and Beardo were just relieved to have the lion taken care of, Brick and Lightning's expressions soured.

*** Confessional: Lightning ***

"You've gotta be yanking my chain! Out of everyone on this dang show-

*** Confessional: Brick ***

"- WHY did it have to be her?"

*** Confessional: Jo ***

As if she had heard their messages, she merely shrugged and grinned. "Hey, it ain't my fault Corporal Crybaby's screaming could wake the dead. I coulda been three countries over and still been able to find them."

*** In the Desert ***

A more social game inclined player may have then took the time to help everyone up. But Jo? She continued to gloat while they did it themselves.

"You should have seen the looks on your faces! What, one little kitty cat too much for a bunch of big strong men to handle? Gotta wait for the woman to swoop in and save the day? Lucky for you guys I was nearby."

He could do without the cockiness, but Trent was nonetheless grateful to still be alive. "No kidding, we owe you one big-"

"Nah, we had it handled," Lightning snapped back. "Brick made a plan, Lightning and big forehead guy were gonna sack it, then afro dude scores the touchdown. We'd have been fine!"

"On the contrary, with that approach it's most likely at least one of you would have been fatally bit before the antidote could be administered," Dawn pointed out, her fox nodding in agreement.

Everyone flinched in shock. Where did she even come from?

"Ok seriously, someone needs to tie a bell around her or something. You realize how creepy sneaking up on people is, right?" For daring to insult her friend, the fox tossed a few pebbles that Jo sidestepped with ease. "And tell your gerbil to watch where it's tossing crap!"

"Didn't you JUST sneak up on us to steal our points?" Brick pointed out. "You ever hear about that saying with the pot and the kettle?"

Suddenly a few more contestants began emerging from nearby, with Leshawna first on the scene. "Nah, from what I was seeing she saved y'alls butts. Those points were her's fair and square."

Anne Maria was following behind her ally, getting Beardo to straighten up and clear his throat. "You guys saw all that? W-well, even if Jo HADN'T been there, I still think we'd manage! My adrenaline was pumping something fierce, I could have sprayed down that cat for sure."

"Pfft, maybe." The jersey girl didn't sound convinced. But her expression softened when she noticed how roughed up Trent looked. "That fur ball didn't break anything, right dollface? It'd be a national tragedy if it stopped you from playing your music."

Trent's eyes went wide, not helped by the confused look Beardo was giving him. "Er, no, I'm fine, don't worry about it. Like seriously, please don't."

*** Confessional: Anne Maria ***

"Guys are always trying to look tough to impress girls like they think we don't know what's up. Simba bout knocked his lights out!" She sighed dreamily. "He made it look good though, not gonna lie."

*** Still in the Namib ***

Soon enough the remaining contestants had all converged to see what all the ruckus was about. Of note was DJ riding atop his elephant and Izzy still with her steed. And even more curious, Jasmine hauling an antelope carcass over her shoulders like it was light as a feather.

"Uhhhh, do I even wanna ask?" Leshawna tried fanning away the foul stench to no avail. "You guys seriously wanna spend the challenge sweaty, terrified, AND smelling like literal death?"

Dave looked on as if relieving war flashbacks from decades ago. "I may or may not have had one close call too many trying to play bait."

Sure enough a montage played showing, among other things, Dave luring a baboon to Jasmine only for an extra half dozen simians to pop up out of nowhere to maul him. Getting swarmed by an onslaught of fog beetles to the point of his screams being muffled. Luring a baby elephant to his ally, only for the mom to appear, grab Dave by the ankle with her trunk and slam him around like a ragdoll. And finally, trying to take it easy by targeting one of those unassuming fennec foxes with its back turned to them, only for it to turn around and inexplicably be a jaguar in disguise.

"I'm quick on the draw but with this Maldium crud the critters are operating at peak performance," Jasmine explained. "We stumbled upon some hyenas fighting over this carcass and I figured using it as bait instead would save him a concussion or two."

"Ain't that like, disrespectful to the dead animal or something?" Beardo asked.

"Nah, letting the animals eat it is a whole lot more natural than them forcibly putting on fist fights," DJ pointed out. "Circle of life and all that jazz, it's healthier for them to eat something they actually hunt than trying to take a bite outta Dave."

"Indeed," Dawn agreed. "By the way DJ, how have things been working together with your new friend? Your auras appear wonderfully in tune!"

A second montage began with a funky melody one might hear in a buddy cop movie. DJ and the elephant prowled the desert looking for perps to spray. A hyena tries to sneak up on them? The elephant hears it coming and whips around so DJ can give it a face full of antidote. One bird tries to play smart and hides high up in a bush where a human can't reach? No problem, the brickhouse just gives his sidekick the bottle and lets him do the spraying. At one point when the duo gets surrounded by honey badgers, they nod in determination and DJ straight up pours a bunch of the liquid into its trunk, allowing it to spray foes down left and right while DJ covers the other side.

"Honestly? Pretty great! I think the two of us really learned how to get in synch. How about you and the fox, you guys been hanging in there?"

"Oh yes, Kimone's been a great help." She scratched the fox behind the ear, eliciting a satisfied chatter. "Though I worry we've given some of the animals a bit of a spook."

Yet another cutaway followed, this time with an eerie sort of silence only broken up by the occasional ambience of a bush rustling or something shifting in the sand. Standing in the middle of a clearing was an angry gemsbok trying to locate the source of the noises. Every time it heard what sounded like something rushing past behind there'd be nothing there. Until it suddenly noticed a small rock land nearby. In fact, there was suddenly an entire trail of pebbles leading back to an unassuming mirabilis plant. The noises came to a stop, and carefully the oryx approached the plant, though it couldn't shake this sudden ominous dread in the pit of its stomach. Slowly it reached for the leaves and pushed them aside to reveal... nothing?

Before it could process its confusion, the sound of a twig snapping rang out from behind. It whipped around and prepared to strike, but once again nothing was there. Had it just been its imagination? Shrugging, it turned back to the plant where a pair of glowing eyes could been seen in the shadows. Kimone the fox sprang from the foliage with a beastly almost mechanical roar and latched itself on to the oryx's face. As it toppled over, Dawn had suddenly appeared with spray bottle at the ready.

"... I think we're going to need a conversation on being more gentle, little one."

*** Confessional: Dawn ***

"With how attached she was getting, I was beginning to wonder if I could sneak Kimone on to the plane without Chris noticing. But I think she's in her element out here. I swear I almost caught her laughing when one baboon was nearly in tears from her startling it so badly. Granted, this is AFTER we cured her of the Maldium."

*** They do still be standing around tho ***

Back in the desert, Izzy started excitedly waving her arms. "Oh oh, can it be my turn to get a cool cutaway montage? Alright check it, so there me and my horse were, surrounded by an army of rabid moles. Supplies were low, down to our last bullets, situation looked dire. When all of a sudden-"

"Man, can we get back to what's important?" Lightning suddenly yelled. He jabbed a finger towards Jo. "She think I ain't got what it takes to deal with a lion on my own."

"There's no thinking necessary, Thundercrap. We saw it with our own eyes. You couldn't handle the job with backup, what makes you think going it solo would help?"

Brick stepped forward. "That's enough. There's no use arguing about it anyway, the lion's already been cured so-"

"And she's lucky that it is," the jock continued. "Because if there was another lion here right now, Lightning would show her that she doesn't know what she's talking about!"

Funny he should say that. Literally a moment later, a new lion had emerged out of seemingly nowhere, rising from out of the ether to tower above Lightning while his back was turned. Brick moved to help his buddy, by Jo held out an arm to stop him.

"Alright. If you're so sure, show us."

Before he could ask what she meant, Lightning's ears were blasted with a deafening roar and in an instant he found himself pinned to the sand by the lion's mass. Just as the beast went for a chomp, he thought fast and rolled over just in time to kick his assailant off. Another bite came gnashing but Lightning cut it off by sticking the spray bottle in the feline's mouth. After spitting it out and reeling for a moment thanks to the sore teeth, Lightning took the opportunity to scoop up his antidote and deliver a tackle of his own. But as soon as he moved to spray his opponent, the lion caught his wrist and flipped him over. Lightning felt the drool trickling down as multiple bites came inches away from connecting with his throat.

By now some of the others had started moving to help and he could hear Jo's taunting coming. Nuh uh. He couldn't let it happen. He talked the talk, now he was gonna show them how he walks the walk. With one last burst of energy, Lightning was able to lift his legs underneath the feline and pushed it upwards. Before it could react, he then hopped up to meet it midair and hit it with a mist of antidote. Both fell with a hard thud, but it was man who ultimately stood victorious.

"Well I'll be, he actually did it," Jasmine mumbled in awe.

He did it? He did it! Lightning got to his feet and soaked up some well earned applause. He flashed an extra cocky smile Jo's way. "Dang right I did it! Lightning don't play no games. I say something's gonna get done, it gets done all the time, every time." Suddenly he turned to face the vast desert and beat his chest defiantly. "You hear that? Any other dumb lion out there who wants to face The Lightning is gonna get struck! Who else wants a piece? Bring it on!"

Well since he asked so nicely, the desert was happy to oblige. One by one, lions began poking their heads out from around baobabs or popping up from the sand. Unassuming critters like meerkats and moles tossed their disguise off to reveal they'd been a lion all along. One somehow even parachuted in from above while sporting aviator goggles. First it was a couple. Then it was a few dozen. Once they'd all emerged the contestants looked around in terror as they were surrounded by nearly 50 of the bloodthirsty beasts. Each snarling and salivating at the 12 human sized meals ripe for the picking. An elephant, horse, and fox for desert was a nice little bonus.

"... guys?" DJ squeaked out, embracing his equally horrified elephant.

Beardo did a cartoonishly loud gulp. "That's a whole lotta kitties."

Even the likes of Izzy and Jo were plenty unnerved by the slowly approaching army given the severity of the situation. The jockette bumped into Lightning and glared. "You just had to open your yap didn't you? What's the plan now, huh?"

To his credit the uber jock wasn't showing any fear. Rather he simply surveyed the predators with a blank look of bewilderment. "Ah, it looks like Lightning's made a severe and continuous lapse in judgement." He turned to face the others and nodded in with a calm sense of acceptance. "Welp, guess we're all gonna die."

Just as some of the others began to scream in panic Jasmine hurriedly shushed them. "Everyone relax! They may outnumber us but we can outsmart them! I think I may be able to get us out of this. Twelve of us and all our antidotes, a fox, an elephant, a horse, a carcass... it isn't much, but I think we can manage with a bit of luck. But I need you guys to stay bloody calm and listen to every word I say. One wrong move and that could be it for all of us. Just follow my lead and we may just get out of this alive. Got it?"

Hmm, follow orders or be eaten alive? Yeah, no surprise that everyone nodded in agreement.

"Good. Ok, here's the plan-"

*DING DING DING*

Suddenly the whir of helicopter blades whizzed over the contestants with Chris poking his head from the aircraft with megaphone in hand. "Hope I'm not interrupting anything important, buuuuut it's singing time!"

"You... you DO see what we're dealing with right now, right?" Dave yelled incredulously. "If we can't follow Jasmine's orders we're gonna get chewed to bloody bits!"

"Dang, that's crazy bro." Chris chuckled. "Hope you can do all that while singing. Hop to it!"

---

Song Start!

"Killer Cats" Parody of "Tainted Love" cover by Soft Cell., originally by Gloria Jones

[A new wave synth pop beat started up and the contestants broke off into groups per Jasmine's command. Rather than the desert they seemed to find themselves in the slums of a sketchy city, creeping through dark alleyways. As they tip toed along trying to be nondescript, the lions could be seen stalking, snapping their fingers to the beat of the song like a gang of greasers. Jasmine herself led a posse with Dawn, Dave, DJ, and Brick as she began the verse.]

"These raging cats, they want to-"

[As two particularly prominent beats played a lion jumped in to deliver two sucker punches at Brick in tune with the song.]

"Beat our ass, they want to-"

[This time Dave got punched to the timing of similar beats.]

"Eat and slay. Better move or you'll wind up a slab of meat."

[She hoisted the boys up in time to avoid get dogpiled by their attackers and sprayed them before they could cause more damage. Once the coast was clear Dawn continued sneaking, her fox poking its head out to watch her back.]

"It's so unfair, forced to rip and tear."

[Kimone seemed to sing a little "Ooooh~" from her shoulder while Dawn sidestepped a lion and DJ sprayed it before it could recover.]

"It just takes one bite. And we're fricken screwed, man it just ain't right."

[DJ failed to notice a few lions lurking up as he sung, only for Jasmine to push his elephant in the way just in time for them to dive into its tough hide. She took care of them with some antidote before they could recover.]

"Chris messed up their mood. Now we'll be their food."

[Now it was Dave and Izzy standing back to back, the former singing as an approaching group of lions added a backing "Our moood" when he sang that lyric.]

"These pissed off cats ain't kidding. They're pros at making you stop livin'."

[Despite singing about how much danger they were in Izzy had a cheery smile to contrast Dave's near pants wetting terror. He ducked just as one lion pounced, allowing Izzy to cure it while caught off guard.]

"Eat that cure or they'll make our bodies fall."

"Oh, killer cats. Pissed off cats."

[Now the duo sang in unison, getting cornered by a group of lions aggressively snapping to the beat at them. Dave cowered behind Izzy, who by now was growing juuuuust a bit concerned at the looming threat. Just as they looked about to be mobbed, Jasmine rode by on Izzy's horse to drive-by spray the deliquents.]

"Peep their stare, they're really-"

[Brick was being backed against a wall, narrowly avoiding hits as one lion punched to the beat of the song.]

"Seeing red, they really-"

[This time Brick deflected the punches, finally managing to push the predator back and give it a spritz.]

"Want us dead. Find a better snack for you to go and eat."

[With his one lion fell, two more replaced it and advanced on Brick. But as he continued singing, Lightning swooped in to tackle them while they were distracted and cured them both.]

"We're no good grub. Just take one bite, and you'll throw up."

[Lightning's argument didn't seem to make much of a difference since more lions were continuing to stalk them. He and Brick covered those attacking head on once Jasmine distracted them by tossing the carcass into the middle, but a new group was also approaching from behind.]

"Better screw off or you'll pay. Open wide and swallow a puff of spray."

[Jo jumped in before the felines could attack and enveloped the lions in antidote. The ROTI boys glared in annoyance but couldn't say much else since they were stuck mid-song.]

"Chris messed up their mood. Now we'll be their food."

[Thing switched to Anne Maria, dual wielding her antidote with one arm and her hair spray with another. Unfortunately she was mostly missing with the former, but at least the later was incapacitating a bunch of the lions who needed to stop to hack and wheeze.]

"These pissed off cats ain't kidding. They're pros at making you stop livin'."

[Leshawna finished off the lions her ally had immobilized with her own spray, barely able to sing through the cloud of aerosol. In the background Jasmine was visible barking orders from horseback while Lightning, Jo, and Brick seemingly fought over who got to cure what first.]

"Eat that cure or they'll make our bodies fall."

"Oh, killer cats. Pissed off cats."

[As the girls sang together they started to get overwhelmed by the sheer volume of lions descending on them. Suddenly Beardo and Trent were on the scene, matching the snapping from the lions and the former making a loud noise to distract the felines.]

"I'm on my knees, I need you killer cats to cease."

[Beardo sang as the four now worked as a unit under Jasmine's direction to fend off the batch of lions. At one point he was pushed into Anne Maria, bashfully smiling and twirling her out of the way from a pounce.]

"You don't have to make us your foe. We're all victims of this stupid show."

[Anne Maria kept twirling until she bumped into the now singing Trent, who cast an annoyed glower off screen to his ally. While she seemed to think this was a great time to lean in for a kiss, the guitarist simply pushed her aside so he could spray a lion about to bite her head off.]

"Killer cats, ooooh~, gnashing cats, ooooh~

flaying cats, ooooh~, raging cats, ooooh~."

[DJ and Dawn sang together, with the fox and elephant doing the "ooooh~" parts as well somehow. While the two sprayed and watched each other's back, the elephant worked defense to stop any pouncing lion trying to get the jump on them. Meanwhile the fox would latch itself to one of the cat's face and scratch wildly until it wandered into Lightning's warpath.]

"Watch out for the killer cats. Don't look now there's killer cats."

[Jasmine was directing the gang to finish off the last batch of lions, gradually gaining more and more confidence since they'd miraculously all managed to survive relatively unscathed. All the remained was one last horde of ruffians, and the ROTI trio was already on the attack.]

"Killer cats, ooooh-, killer cats, ooooh-, killer cats."

[Jo, Brick, and Lightning closed out the song while attempting to one up each other curing the final lions. Despite their best efforts, it was clear the uber jock was performing the best, even managing to spray the final feline who weakly snapped before collapsing with the end of the song.]

---

As the song came to the close and the dust settled, the battered and bruised contestants coughed and wheezed but were nonetheless alive. Surrounding them was a seemingly endless pile of unconscious lions. Leshawna looked around and took a headcount.

"Is that it? Did we get em all?"

Dawn tried to get a read on the surrounding area's auras. As far as she could tell, all lions present at the start of the song were now cured and passed out. "Yes, I believe so."

"Oh thank God." Trent flopped on to his back and gasped for air. "I think this single challenge has convinced me to NEVER agree with coming back for another season. That was way too close for comfort."

Beardo shot him an incredulous look but said nothing. This one was too much but not being literally kidnapped?

"We really owe Jasmine a huge thanks," Dave pointed out. "The fact that she was able to help coordinate all of that all while we're forced to sing? That's next level skill right there."

Everyone cheered in agreement and the Aussie grinned bashfully at the attention.

*** Confessional: Dave ***

"Sometimes life just throws you a win. Here I was worried about how I'd stop people feeling unnerved by Jasmine's attitude, thinking of how I stop her from being voted off. And then BOOM, she save's everyone's lives. What kinda jerk would vote her off after that? I mean, I would if I needed to. But she's important to my plan and I'm taking her far, so I'll consider this a win!"

*** In the Namib ***

While everyone got their bearings, Jo was scanning each of the passed out lions just to make sure they were indeed all cured and no points were up for grabs.

"Don't bother," Lightning boasted. "You see how many lions I took down in that song? My points gotta be in the Sha-billions by now! Plus Scary Girl said they're all cured and she's basically psychic so it's gotta be true."

"No I'm not," Dawn huffed. "My readings aren't perfect and I'm prone to human error just as anybody is with any task."

DJ chuckled. "Yeah, but in his defense I don't think I've ever seen you be wrong about something like that."

It was then that a dormant lion emerged from a cat-pile with an earsplitting roar. Apparently it had been buried under the mountain of fellow felines and went overlooked until just now. And boy was it pissed over being forgotten. It took a mighty leap towards Lightning, who instinctively reached for his bottle...

... but before the cat could reach him it was sprayed in midair by Brick. "You're gonna take your cat nap and you're gonna like it, private!"

Ok, NOW all the lions were dealt with. For real this time. The excitement from the close shave got everyone back on high alert, though once he'd processed what had happened Lightning was more annoyed than anything.

"Dude, I had it!"

Brick blinked in confusion. "Uh, well probably but I couldn't risk it, ya know? Didn't want to give it a chance to take a bite out of you."

"Or he just wanted the points for himself." Jo eyed her rival suspiciously and smirked at his flustered response. "But naaaaaah, that can't be it, right? It'd go against the boy scout code or whatever."

Before the debate could continue, Chris' helicopter returned to the scene.

"Attention contestants. The timer for the Maldium's effect JUST ran out so the challenge is officially over! Everyone please return to the jumbo jet for results." He narrowed his eyes at three contestants in particular. "Without any animal friends you may or may not have made along the way."

DJ, Dawn, and Izzy groaned in disappointment. But while the fox and elephant looked genuinely sad to see their friends go, the horse breathed a sigh of relief and galloped off before the host could change his mind.

Sometime later the crew had reassembled on the plane. Still cut up and battered, but hey, it'd all be worth it for some of that sweet sweet immunity. Chris and Chef had rolled out a large monitor that displayed 12 blank placements.

"I don't know about you guys, but I think today's challenge was a massive success! Once the Namibia government sees the final edit of you guys getting getting the tar beat out of you I just know all will be forgiven." Chris' soft chuckle amped up to a full fledged laughing fit. "Brick even got kicked by a Dik-dik! You can't write poetry that rhymes that good."

"Can we get on with it please," the cadet grumbled.

Chef would oblige and pressed a button to reveal the first placement. Dave's face adorned 12th place, with few points to his name.

"Dead last? More like Dave last! You didn't do jack down there, kid," Chef barked.

"Because I was focused on trying to help instead of risk dying! Like I was going to ever be a contender in a challenge like this?"

"Hm, good point. Moving on!" Chef pressed the button again, this time with Izzy's face occupying the next placement. A few dozen points under her belt but nothing substantial. "Well well well, look who wasted too much time to even crack the top 10!"

*** Confessional: Izzy ***

"Don't blame me for having my priorities in check! A perfectly good opportunity to gallop through the desert on a valiant steed. Feeling the wind in my hair as the sun hits us juuuust right. It's only natural to get distracted!"

*** On the plane ***

Results continued to trickle in from there. Beardo took 10th place with just a few more points than Izzy. Next was Anne Maria with a decent sized gap. Not far in front of her was Trent, who groaned at her squee from them placing side by side. Leshawna was in 7th and she grunted in frustration. And just shy of the top 5 was Dawn, eliciting a few shocked reactions.

"Hmph, some animal expert, couldn't even make it to the big leagues," Chris quipped.

"I took care to nurture and comfort every animal you recklessly traumatized. It wasn't the best approach to mindlessly rack up points but I'd sooner make a difference with those I could reach than just leave them to get their bearings alone."

Chris pretended to snore. "Booooooooring. Chef, please continue."

5th place was none other than DJ, who grinned proudly. Honestly it was higher than he expected. And considering the competition that passed him, he couldn't feel too hung up about it. Brick was crossing his fingers and sweating. Jo was cool, calm, and collected. Jasmine glared in determination. And Lightning smirked, figuring this was a forgone conclusion. Finally the screen revealed that in 4th place was... Brick, with a few points more than DJ.

"Looks like that final lion helped you almost make the podium," Chris teased. "But no cigar."

But there was no time to dwell on the cadet's disappointment. Now it was time for the top 3's placements to be revealed. And taking home the bronze was Jasmine. Her shoulders slumped and she gaped in disbelief.

*** Confessional: Jasmine ***

"Three times in a row coming up just short? I could accept it with the wrestling and dancing, but this should have been MY challenge to win. I didn't haul a bloody antelope carcass around the desert and save everyone's lives for third place!" She shook her head and stared off, eyes flaring with new vigor. "This has got to change."

*** Moment of truth ***

"Alright, that just leaves Lightning and Jo. Will we see a second first class win in a row, or can the latecomer earn herself her first ever stay in the winner's circle?" Chris motioned towards the monitor. "Chef, do us the honors."

The jocks locked eyes, staring a hole through the other. Both were convinced they'd won, who had it all wrong? As the host dragged things out as long as they could, finally gasps rang out when the results popped up. They glanced at the screen just in time to hear the announcement.

"And it looks like today's lucky winner is... Jo!" On the screen both had a ludicrous amount of points in the quadruple digits. But Jo's count was a measly two ahead of her opponent's. "Just by a hair!"

"Say what? How?" Lightning was so flabbergasted he could hardly get his words out. "I was a machine out there, how'd Lightning not win?"

"Because I worked even harder," Jo boasted. "I sprayed everything that crossed my path and didn't slow down. Every beetle, bird, fish, cat, hyena, elephant, heck did you know there's fricken penguins in Africa? I sure didn't until I sprayed those little suckers in the face! Screw quantity vs quality, I went for both! Plus it's not like I wasted time getting my ass kicked by a lion like some people I know."

Chef grunted in agreement. "It's true, you almost caught up to her with the horde of lions but she took out a bunch herself too. Maybe if you'd got one more things would be switched. But ya didn't. So deal with it!"

Near the back of the pack realization dawned on Brick and he buried his face into his hands with a groan.

The host surveyed the 12 contestants remaining. He had his theories on who'd be next, but these dudes managed to surprise him when he least expected it. "So Jo's immune tonight. The rest of you suckers gotta worry about maybe getting voted off. Have fun!"

*** Confessional: Brick ***

Showing a rare bout of anger, the cadet punched at the wall a few times and screeched. "Darn it, why do I never learn? Every time I go against my code something bad happens! I let myself play selfishly for one challenge and I screw my buddy out of his hard earned immunity."

He sighs toward the camera. "And the even crummier part? I think the only way I can salvage this is by targeting the girl who saved our keister out there. Well, the one who did it without making a big fuss about it. Jasmine's a dynamite gal, but she's a big enough threat for me to keep Lightning safe. Not gonna feel good about doing this, though."

*** On the Jumbo Jet ***

Elsewhere in the plane more people were doing their strategizing. With numbers dwindling by the day and that million dollars getting ever so close, surely all anyone could focus on was how to advance farther in the game.

"So did you find out anything about what Anne Maria likes in a guy?"

Trent gave Beardo a tired look and shook his head. "Uh, kinda I think. Look, I know this is really important to you but I really just want to focus on the vote right now. I doubt either of us are in trouble tonight so we can talk about this later."

His beatboxing bro fidgeted nervously. "I guess. But what if she gets voted off before I can make a move?"

"Dude, she got 9th. I think she'll be fine." After making sure no one was around that he could see, he leaned in closer for a whisper. "Anyway, I know Jasmine helped everyone out there today, but Lightning saved our butts personally and I'd feel kinda like trash voting for him."

"Same. And Brick just pulled me aside a bit ago to ask if we'd be interested in voting for Jasmine with them." He sighed. "It stinks, but she IS a big obstacle for us making it to the end. Maybe we could link up with those two going forward?"

"More votes on our side is never a bad thing. Plus they ARE bigger threats than us, it'd give us a solid amount of protection if it comes down to it..." The boys nodded in agreement and walked off before they could be discovered. Or at least they thought so, but little did they know that after they were gone, Izzy poked her head out from under the seats and giggled mischievously.

*** Confessional: Izzy ***

"I'm more than willing to let Dave cook and do what he needs for this big fancy plan of his. Buuuut this whole gimmick of grabbing up allies who like him the most makes Izzy nervous. We're supposed to have a deal, but as we've already established, he's the villain. For all I know he's lying to me!" She tapped a finger on her noggin. "But then it hit me! Alls I gotta do is convince him why I'M the ally he should keep around longest. Jasmine may have me beat in strength and animal wrangling, but ya know where I can beat her? Intel gathering!"

*** Inside the jet's walls ***

Izzy hummed a royalty free spy movie jingle while tip toeing through the nooks and crannies of the plane, sometimes diving into a trash can or the vents when someone passed by. She'd listen in on the passing conversations and happenings but moved on when it didn't hold her attention. Lightning setting aside how much protein powder he'd need for the rest of the season? Anne Maria gushing about Trent's forehead? Jasmine recording all the different animals she'd encountered today? None of this was it, chief. But finally as she snuck her way into the cafeteria, DJ and Leshawna's hushed voices got her to listen closer.

"Chin up man, 5th place is pretty dang good. With the heavy hitters you were up against that's downright impressive."

"Honestly I think I'm more bummed about not being able to keep my elephant than anything." He sighed. "Tried to convince Chef we could let him chill in the cargo hold until the season was over, but he wouldn't budge."

His stylish ally laughed. "And what was the plan once it was time to go home? Just roll up to the neighborhood with a whole ass elephant taking up space? You can't just bring something like that with you, there ain't gonna be any space for it."

"There would have been after I won the million bucks. I coulda built him as big a play area as he wanted!" He was kidding. Mostly. Probably. Still a nice thought though. "I know it's for the best letting him stay here, I'm just prone to getting attached to animals. You remember how the whole bunny thing went."

"Mhmmm." Speaking of who would be staying here in Namibia, they had more pressing matters to get to. She glanced around to make sure they were alone, unaware of the ginger menace watching from the shadows. "So listen, we gotta be on the same page this time. Last time we tried doing our own things and assumed nothing crazy would happen, then all of a sudden that white girl got blindsided outta nowhere. She wasn't coming for us anytime soon, we gotta make votes count going forward."

DJ sighed. "Yeah, I feel ya. If it helps, I do know who Dawn's voting for. She's got a weird feeling about Dave and thinks voting him out will ease her mind or something. So that's one vote in our favor if we wanted to go that way."

Dave? Why in the world would THAT be her concern of all people?

"Yeah, no offense to your friend or anything, but I don't think we should be wasting our votes on a twig who's came in last place three challenges in a row. Especially not after Sammy. We need to get one of these powerhouses outta here."

He drummed his fingers along the table and nodded in agreement. "Well... I was kinda thinking this might be the perfect time to vote for Lightning. Bro came within inches of winning immunity twice in a row, who knows if we can guarantee getting another chance anytime soon."

"Took the words right out of my mouth. Add in his little bromance with Brick and that's something we gotta nip in the bud sooner rather than later." She folded her arms. "You sure Dawn can't be convinced to change her vote?"

"Doubt it, she gets kinda set in her ways and I don't want to try and force her."

"Tch, worth an ask. Either way, it shouldn't be too hard finding people who wanna vote out the biggest threat in the game. Think I already have someone in mind." Assuming she can get her to focus on non relationship pursuits for a few minutes.

With the consensus reached, the two exchanged a fist bump and went their separate ways. Just in time for Izzy to slip out of the shadows and rub her chin contemplatively.

"Mmm, yes, quite good intel, good intel indeed. Now to report this to the boss..."

Speaking of, Dave currently found himself wrapping up a conversation with a desperate Brick elsewhere in one of the hallways.

"If you don't want to I get it, I understand that she's your friend and all. But I'd really appreciate your consideration."

Dave nodded and patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, I'll at least do that much. Obviously I can't promise anything and I'll give you full disclosure that I probably won't do it. But you're right about Jasmine being a beast, so I'll think it over. Just wish you'd came to ask me about voting off literally anyone else."

Brick sighed in frustration. "Well the plan was to try and get out Jo again but she had to go and win the stupid thing. Next time."

Just as the pair turned away to go elsewhere, a pair of hands stealthily reached down from the air vent and yoinked Dave upwards. His yelp got Brick's attention but when he turned to look no one was there. He shrugged it off and went about his business.

Up in the vents Dave frantically tried to get his bearings only to be shushed by Izzy.

"Heya! I got some info for ya and figured we should talk somewhere private."

"And you couldn't have picked LITERALLY ANYWHERE ELSE?" The germaphobe shook a cobweb out of his hair. "It's disgusting up here! Who knows what kind of filth has been sliding around these vents?"

"Oh, I do! This is where Jeremy the Eater of Dreams lives." Suddenly she was thrusting a fat mangy rat in her ally's face. "See? He's friendly!"

He frantically scooted back and held up his hands. "Keep that thing as far away from me as humanly possible!" The mouse hung its head in disappointment and scurried away. This guy was way less accepting than that hippie girl and the scaredy cat, hmph. "Can we please just get this over with so I can get out of here? Tell me what you wanted to say."

"Right, right, so here's the scoop. Word around the plane is tonight there's two big targets in the danger zone. Some of them want Lightning out, but others are eyeballing Jasmine. Things seem about even so far, but they're all scattering to try and rally the votes."

Crap, just as he feared. Maybe he should have been scooping up some of those points today for himself to lower her threat level? Oh well, too late now.

"Well that sucks. I can't just lose her immediately after I've worked her into the plan. But I was kinda hoping to make Lightning the next piece of the puzzle too. He's dumb, probably easy to make him do what you ask, not to mention the perfect shield."

"Hmm, true, true. So long as you're ok risking him being around to potentially win crucial immunities!" Izzy rubbed her invisible beard. "But if we don't vote for him, who else could it be?"

"There's plenty of options, but in terms of who we could believably rake in some votes for... if the people wanting Lightning out realize they can't get it done this time, maybe they'd settle for the next best thing." Dave smirked devilishly. "His closest ally."

Just as Izzy was about to reply, suddenly a new set of arms reached into the vents to pull her down. Soon after they returned for Dave, him landing next to his ally with an annoyed Jo leering down at them.

"What the heck were you idiots doing up there? Thought the plane was possessed for a second before I heard this one yammering about filth." She jammed a thumb towards Dave.

"We were... talking about the vot-"

"Playing with rats!"

Jo furrowed her brow towards Izzy. "Don't even wanna know. But as far as the vote is concerned, let me remind you that we have a deal you need to hold up your end of the bargain on. I helped get that cheerleader out of here, now it's my turn to call the shots."

Dave grunted in annoyance. "Yeah yeah, I know. We'll vote for who you want for the next few ceremonies. But before you make a decision, I think you should really hear me out. It's between Brick and Lightning, right? Don't you wanna hear our thoughts on the matter?"

Both of them looked over and Izzy who had by now got bored and occupied herself styling her rat friend's hair.

"... scratch that. Don't you wanna hear my thoughts on the matter?"

Jo shrugged. "Not really. But go ahead and give it a whirl. Then it's my turn to do the talking."

*** Confessional: Dave ***

"Tonight's deceptively important. If I can play my cards right and choose to bring in the right allies, I could be looking at a majority alliance sooner than you think. Of course as it's shaping up right now one of those allies would be Jo." He shuddered. "Which isn't optimal, to put it lightly."

*** Confessional: Jo ***

"Pfft, Pipsqueak's lucky I let him get a word in to begin with. In case it hasn't sunk in yet, this plane's under new management. I'm the one calling the shots around here now. So if I say it's going to happen?" She chuckled confidently. "It's going. To. Happen."

*** At the Elimination Ceremony ***

Soon enough the time had come for the final 12 to gather at the bleachers. Most were still pretty beat up from the day's events, though Jo was sitting pretty. Jasmine finished whispering something with Dave and soon Chris emerged with the 11 barf bags in tow.

"Crazy day, right? I should hit up my Area 51 friends more often. But we're burning daylight and I've been advised we should probably leave Namibia as soon as possible, so let's get this show on the road." Chris tossed the jockett a puke packet. "First up, our big points winner Jo. And since she ranked the highest, let's loop back around and also give immunity to our suckiest slacker. Dave is safe!"

He gleefully caught his baggie, unaware of the slight frown from Dawn behind him.

"Beardo." He pumped his fist and did a quick imitation of the Sonic collecting a ring sound byte. "Anne Maria." He offered her a high five which she skeptically returned. "Trent!" Both smiled towards him, but he simply averted his eyes.

"Leshawna and Izzy!" The later grinned wickedly at her fellow OG, only for her to scoot away. "DJ and Dawn!" Somewhere out in the desert, Kimone the fox and her elephant boyfriend sighed in relief.

And then there were three. Brick and Lightning's eyes went wide as they looked at each other nervously while Jasmine's foot began tapping.

"Yeeeeeah, that's the thing about doing super good in challenges. If you do the best, hey great, enjoy immunity! But if you fail to go the distance, welp, enjoy the nice fat target your just painted on your back! Question is, which of you fit fools finna feel finessed?"

All three gave him the same befuddled looks. Either they weren't impressed or just weren't in the mood to appreciate the wordplay.

"Hmph, screw you guys, alliterations are fun. Anywho, let's give the penultimate barf bag to... Jasmine!"

Finally she could let out the breath she'd been holding in. Dave flashed her a thumbs up and a few in the bleachers appeared taken aback to not at least see her in the bottom two. Though if the ROTI boys were legit the two with the most votes or just there together for the sake of drama was anyone's guess.

"Wait, what?" Brick stammered.

"You can't be serious." Lightning protested.

"Oh I am! Time to see which bromance powerhouse gets left as a party of one, and which one grabs a chute and runs. The final barf bag of the night... goes... to...

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... Brick!"

Immediately the uber athlete shot to his feet and gaped at his opposition in shock. "You've gotta be yanking Lightning's chain! How the heck did I get voted out?"

"You're kidding, right?" Jasmine deadpanned.

"Brother you're like a one man army, you think any of us wanna keep going against you in these challenges?" Leshawna asked. "Let alone a finale?"

"Plus we'd be pretty much screwed in a football trivia challenge, and I just got a gut feeling Chris is waiting to whip one of those out," Izzy added helpfully.

Lightning blinked in surprise. "Huh. Yeah I guess that makes sense." Didn't mean he had to like it though!

As he turned to catch his parachute he caught a glimpse of Brick barely managing to keep himself composed, trembling in bitter emotions. "Yo man, you good?"

"No. This is all my fault. If I hadn't been playing more selfishly today then odds are you would have won immunity and none of this would have happened."

"For what it's worth, you'd probably be getting voted off instead if he had won immunity," Jo teased from nearby. Her rival would choose to ignore her.

"I'm really sorry. I failed my code, I failed you, I even failed my-"

*SLAP*

Suddenly Brick had a bright red mark on his cheek that stung something fierce. Lightning rubbed his hand and furrowed his brow.

"Pull it together, man! So what if I got eliminated, now ain't the time to be doing this sad losing hope nonsense. You don't get down bro, you get even! You're still gonna be here and you can do something about it. Lightning better not see your ass leaving this plane anytime soon or I'll track you down and kick it myself."

Brick was taken aback. "But it was my fault-"

"Tch, man you gotta stop looking at it like that. You didn't vote for me, right?" His ally shook his head. "Then it ain't your fault! Lightning should have sprayed more animals, it is what it is. They voted me out for being too awesome. They'd be stupid not to! All ya can do is pick yourself up and-"

Suddenly the boot of shame came swinging down... and bounced harmlessly off Lightning's chiseled jaw. "Do you mind? Lightning don't like being interrupted when he's talking."

Chef blinked in surprise. "Kid's got a strong core."

"We need to amp up the hydraulics on this thing," Chris grumbled.

"Anyway, before all this I wouldn't have cared who wins once I was outta the game. But right now I got someone to root for. So you best sha-get it done!"

After a rousing pep talk like that? Yeah, Brick wasn't about to keep wallowing in any pity. He stood up firm and saluted his fallen friend. "Sir yes sir!"

With his coaching over and not really caring enough to say goodbye to anyone else, Lightning voluntarily jumped out World Tour style letting out a whooping cheer as he made his descent.

"Man, it's just not as fun without cutting someone off mid-sentence. Oh well." Chris clapped to get everyone's attention. "Before we head out, Jo has to choose someone to take with her to first class. Who's the lucky passenger gonna be?"

Anne Maria perked up and stepped forward. Time to reap the benefits of agreeing to an alliance!

"I'll take Kumquat over here," Jo barked out, pointing a thumb at Leshawna's shirt. Her and Anne Maria both went wide eyed.

*** Confessional: Anne Maria ***

"Huh? What the heck is this stupid alliance good for if she don't even bring me to first class when she wins?!"

*** Confessional: Leshawna ***

"On one hand, I got no idea what homegirl's up to. On the other, I'm already over hearing about whatever this mess is with Trent and Anne Maria. So yeah, I ain't gonna look a gift horse in the mouth. Bring on the mani pedis and decent food for all I care."

*** On the Jumbo Jet ***

As everyone began to leave, Jo hung back a bit when she noticed Brick still watching the exit hatch. Perhaps he was imagining some sorta ten round salute in his head or something.

"You ain't gonna start crying are you? I mean Jesus, the guy isn't dead or anything."

"Leave me alone, Jo."

She scoffed. "Or else what?"

Wordlessly he glared with an intensity she genuinely didn't expect from him. She held up her hands and began backing off.

"Alright alright, geez. Dramatic much?"

While leaving she passed by Dave and patted him on the shoulder. "Pleasure doing business with ya." As she walked away she wouldn't notice him rolling his eyes.

*** Confessional: Dave ***

"I suppose it's in my best interest to let Jo still think she's running things right now. Truth is, I came to the conclusion that Lightning needed to go on my own. Well, something Izzy said helped convince me, if you can believe it. Sure Lightning probably would have made an easy pawn to recruit. But he's too dominant at challenges for his own good. Taking him to the endgame is dangerous since he could easily win an immunity at the worst possible time." He chuckled. "Plus everyone I had Izzy talk to about voting him out already wanted to do it. So yeah, Jo isn't running anything. We just have common interests right now."

As his laughter increased, so too did the size of his little grin. "But more importantly, I decided on a better pawn option. Still gullible, still a decent shield to protect me, but one that'll be much easier to take out if and when the time comes."

*** Back on the plane ***

Eventually Brick knew he couldn't just keep stewing in his thoughts forever. He'd need to get as much sleep as economy would allow him. His energy was gonna be in top form to get even for all of this. 1st place wasn't just a dream anymore, he needed to make it reality. But as he turned to leave, he found someone there waiting for him.

"Hey, uh, I'm sorry about Lightning." Dave's eyes looked full of guilt. "I'm not gonna pretend like I wasn't one of the votes. I admit it. But it was only because Jasmine was the only other name people approached me about. And I couldn't go against her like that. Not after how I helped Amy with getting Shawn out."

The cadet looked on with a mix of emotions but managed to crack a slight smile. "Don't worry about it, I never really expected for you to go against your friend, I just had to try and stop mine from getting eliminated too, ya know?"

"Totally. And I may not make as good a workout partner as him, but if you need someone to talk to and watch your back going forward I'd really like to help. You're like, one of the few people here that I don't think would ever try to stab me in the back if the opportunity came up."

Brick's smile widened. "I appreciate that! All things considered I might just have to take you up on the offer." Suddenly his expression hardened and he leaned closer. "But to tell ya the truth? Right now what I'd want most is people willing to help me get back at Jo. She got in my head today, and that helped contribute to Lightning losing the challenge. I'm not about to let her sit high and mighty in first class and get away with it. Think you may be interested?"

Dave nodded. "For sure! Like I said, if you'd want to form an alliance I've got your back." He held out his hand. "Sound good?"

"Sounds great." Brick accepted the handshake and was pulled in for a comforting hug. With his face unseen, Dave smirked devilishly at a job well done.

As always Chris and Chef watched all this go down from the cockpit back in their aviator gear.

"Well well well, guess that answers the question of who Dave's next alliance target will be," Chris noted. "Buuuuut now it sounds like he may have two potential allies coming for each other's heads. I don't think we've ever seen Brick this fired up about getting someone out!"

Chef sighed in disappointment. "Man, this is bunk. I wanted my Brick x Jo enemies to lovers headcanon to come true."

"Can't win em all, Chef my man. But it wouldn't be Total Drama without some good ol' fashioned beef!" Chris smiled at the camera. "Who will come out on top in this gen 2 feud, and how will Dave adjust with both of them thinking he's on their side? Can Trent fix this mess with Anne Maria, or has Beardo accidently screwed himself out of wooing her without even making a move! What other weird animals will I have to stop DJ and Dawn from smuggling in? Tune in next time for all of that more, right here on TOTAL... DRAMA... BATTLE OF THE GENERATIONS!"

Voting Confessionals:

Anne Maria looked somewhat bored while stamping Lightning's passport. "Jo and Leshawna both told me they want the big guy out, so I ain't got no reason to do nuthin else. He shoulda linked up with me as an ally when we were on the outs of Team Radioactive when he had the chance!"

"Trent keeps dodging the question whenever I ask about the Anne Maria thing. Hopefully he didn't find out that she hates me or something." Beardo stamps Jasmine's picture with the sound of a Pikmin getting hurt. "As for the vote, Lightning and Brick might make for good allies so it's gotta be Jasmine. Sorry, girl."

Brick was unsurprisingly also voting for the Aussie. "It's the only way Lightning might get spared so I've got to take it. Hopefully I convinced at least enough people for a tie. Then at least Lightning has a chance against her."

Much less caring with his stamp was Dave's Lightning vote. "Sorry. I almost went for recruiting you, but your buddy's less of a handful, less annoying, and easier to beat in a challenge if I need to. Probably should have kept your threat level down."

Not opting for either of the main targets, Dawn instead voted for Dave. "I respect Jasmine's appreciation for nature too much to eliminate her for this challenge. And Lightning's growth has been commendable. So the only choice I care to make is continuing with my gut. Perhaps I'll heed DJ's advice and confront him soon..."

Speaking of DJ, he cast the camera an apologetic frown while voting for Lightning. "What can I say? Dude's a beast, I could honestly see him winning every single challenge after this with enough luck. Can you imagine a merge that's just Lightning winning immunity over and over?" Somewhere in the world, a man named after a kitchen utensil sneezed. "We gotta do it."

Izzy seemingly agreed since she also cast an uber jock vote. "Mwehehe, not only did I gather top of the line intel, I also think I managed to convince Dave on how to vote! Izzy ain't going nowhere anytime soon folks!"

"Really wish I could have beat you in a challenge first to prove that you're not invincible. But I'd be a bloody fool not to take this chance while I can." With that Jasmine stamps Lightning's passport.

And likewise, Lightning would press his stamp on Jasmine's face. "Tch, next time Lightning's gotta wrestle a dumb lion he's gonna do it waaaay faster. That way I can vote for Jo next time! But since I can't now, Brick thinks tall girl has to go. Shame, she's fun to compete against! Those ball teams down there in Britain should recruit her."

Jo was up next with an unsurprising cocky Lightning vote. "Another season of me outlasting jockstrap? And I didn't even have to be here from the start this time? Music to my ears. Better hope the next challenge is a bed wetting contest or else you're next, Brick-for-brains."

Leshawna eyed both powerhouse passports but eventually selected Lightning's. "Personally, I'm already over sleeping in economy every night. Longer Lightning stays in, the less likely I am to make it back to first class."

Last was Trent, who placed a firm stamp on Jasmine's face. "I owe Lightning one after today. Granted I probably owe Jasmine one too, BUT someone has to go and I think I have a better shot making allies with him and Brick."

Votes for Lightning: 7 (Anne Maria, Dave, DJ, Izzy, Jasmine, Jo, Leshawna)

Votes for Jasmine: 4 (Beardo, Brick, Lightning, Trent)

Votes for Dave: 1 (Dawn)

After the Boot of Shame:

Thanks to jumping out on his own terms and not via a kick to the head, Lightning was able to practice his skydiving form with no issues. He did some flips, some tumbles, a couple wicked barrel rolls and even struck some poses for the viewing audience. Eventually he was low enough for parachute deployment but even that had to be accompanied by an enthusiastic "SHA-BAM!"

Finally acknowledging the camera, he grunted in annoyance. "Maaaan, after winning last challenge I could practically see the final two with me and Brick sitting pretty clear as day. Guess I jinxed us or whatever. Sucks to be gone before the championship game again, but at least this time it was because everyone knew they didn't stand a chance against The Lightning. And they're right! I would have kicked all their asses." He pursed his lips in thought. "Except Brick, he'd get like a light butt kicking instead. Either way, this was a heck of a lot better than that last season."

Eventually he landed in the middle of the desert, not a inkling of humanity in sight. Just the occasional bird squawking overhead or beetle scurrying by.

"I wonder if Kenya is nearby, they got some crazy good athletes over there I could show up to blow off steam! Can't be too far, maybe a few hours away or something."

As he mulled over which direction to go, a fluffy finger tapped his shoulder. Behind him was one of the lions from earlier, snarling and sporting a brutal black eye.

"Hey I know you. You're the kitty I wrestled with man to man earlier, right?" His feline foe nodded. "Come to get your salty runback?" Another nod with a crack of the knuckles. "You know what? Fine. But if I win you help show me the way to the nearest town. Deal?"

The lion grinned and shook hands with his opponent. With the contract sealed both of them reared back and pounced at each other with a flurry of bites and punches. Hopefully PETA wasn't watching.

Remaining Contestants:

Anne Maria, Beardo, Brick, Dave, Dawn, DJ, Izzy, Jasmine, Jo, Leshawna, Trent

Elimination Order:

12th: Lightning

13th: Sammy

14th: Sugar

Merge, Izzy returns, Jo debuts

15th: Amy

16th: Cody

17th: Beth

18th/19th: Courtney and Scott

20th: B

21st: Shawn

22nd: Dakota

23rd: Rodney

24th: Harold

Eliminated: Izzy

25th: Staci

Author's Note:

Back at it again with the 20,000 word chapters. As if I needed more reason to scare away the potential readers who just want a short and easy comp fic to read, lmao. Anyway, apologies for the delay on this one. Took some time to get things to click for me on this chapter on top of the usual IRL busyness but I'm pretty happy with this end product. I am really excited for the next chapter since it's going to be the obligatory horror themed episode, and the chapter after that is the one I've been most excited to write all story, so hopefully the motivation is a lot higher to get those out much quicker. As for next time, we'll be heading to Europe.

Regarding the elimination, maaaan ain't nobody wanna see this. But unfortunately it was bound to happen sooner or later. It should be no surprise that I've absolutely loved writing Lightning this whole story. You can insert him into basically any scenario and immediately have fun with it or have him say the silliest things and not be OOC. It's also been nice developing on him and establishing his bromance with Brick. But unfortunately that brings up the problem. Dude is one of, perhaps even THE most physically dominant TD characters. The only things holding him back to balance it out is his lack of intelligence and poor social game. So Brick developing him into a nicer, more cooperative Lightning to remove one of those drawbacks also turns him into an even bigger threat. As such, logically the others were sorta always bound to want him out as soon as a good opportunity presented itself. Honestly Dave and Jo didn't have to do much for this one to happen. His story and development were essentially wrapped up so this was inevitable. It's a shame to lose him just shy of the top 10, but he's been a delight to write for and hopefully also to read. Ah and yes, Brick didn't receive any votes but Chris still had him as the last to get his barf bag for the sake of suspense. I'm of the opinion that he's willing to do things like that if it's more suspenseful than the actual top two vote getters, and I figured there'd be more question of who I'm booting between them whereas if it was Lightning and Jasmine y'all likely knew he was gone for sure.

Moving on to general stuff, this was always sort of locked in as the big animals being dangerous challenge plus visiting a desert, the Area 51 substance stuff was a later addition but the general concept was always the same. The location choice was down to Namibia and the more savanna leaning Kalahari Desert in nearby Botswana. But reading up about the unique wildlife in the Namib made it win out. I maybe took some liberties with animals that appear in other parts of Namibia and not necessarily the desert itself, but the lions, elephants, etc do indeed live there, if just a small amount. We also revisited my backup list for the song this time. Originally I had a song picked out from the adult swim show Metalocalypse. Would have been probably my most niche choice but it's one of my favorite cartoons and is literally about a band so I naturally wanted to try and fit it in somewhere. The main problem was that the bulk of songs from that are death metal and while it IS hilarious to imagine the likes of Dawn and Dave singing that genre, an easy parody it would not make. The solution was one of their goofier less metal songs and I had some solid ideas for it. But the song I picked is itself a kind of Thriller parody and I already did Thriller in the Aftermath, plus it just wasn't fitting the vibe. The world just wasn't ready for the lyrical genius of Lightning replacing "Cocaine" from the original song with "Protein." Tainted Love is just one of those songs that pops into my head from time to time and I could envision it in this episode decently well, so it won out.

That's all for now. As I post this the final episodes of the reboot's second season have just dropped in the UK. Still no word on when we're getting even the first season here in America! I swear if we don't at least have some news for when America will finally air the reboot officially by the time the next chapter is posted, I'm tracking down David Zaslav to personally deliver a strongly worded letter. The withdrawal waiting for the final episodes got so bad I even resorted to checking out that popular Disventure Camp fan series thing. Fiore and Riya robbed, btw. As for season 2 of the reboot, I enjoyed it but it was a weaker overall package than season 1. Pretty consistently funny, but the characters felt too isolated from each other and the main couple overstayed their welcome. Julia was the MVP and has probably overtaken Zee and Bowie as my favorite character from the gen. But I'm rambling so for now I'll wrap it up and say I'll see you guys next time.