A/N: Hello everyone! Thank you so much for reading Cursed Love! Again, sorry for the wait. I've been all over the place and hardly had any time to write.
Anyway, we're entering a new 'arc' so to speak. Let's call it Pre-Volume 0 or something. Liv and Gojo are finally reunited (YAAAY) but we're not out of the woods yet, people. Liv has to figure out how to connect to her ancestors' memories and Gojo has to deal with the rise of a new and very powerful sorcerer *wink* Yuta *wink*. They also have to tackle the issues in their marriage that are becoming more apparent the more they spend time together. We're also approaching the events of Volume 0, folks!
In short, a lot of goodies coming along!
Hope you like this one! Follow/Favorite/Review are always welcome!
Cursed Love
~ What One Can't Do ~
November 29th, 2016. / 18:57 / Tokyo Metropolitan Jujutsu High School, Tokyo, Japan
Work never ends for jujutsu sorcerers.
Their entire existence revolves around exorcising violent curses and enduring gruesome training. Regardless of Grade status, personal preference, or family background, all sorcerers are subjected to these two actions whether they like it or not. Yet, some are more enthusiastic than others, and oftentimes find themselves on the short end of the stick.
It is their bodies that Shoko witnesses almost every other day.
Jujutsu is ugly work, not in the least pleasant. Sorcerers are touched in the head, varying in degrees from one individual to another, and almost always exhibit a self-destructive habit as a coping mechanism. For some, it is alcohol, for others tobacco. Some find a moment's respite by indulging carnal desires of the flesh. Rare are those who are content with the terror and ugliness of their line of work.
However, it is worth mentioning that not every sorcerer is an empty shell just walking about, doing their job before calling it a day. Some are powerful, capable, and almost happy with their life circumstances.
One such person is Shoko's high school classmate, Satoru Gojo.
There is a lot to talk about when it comes to the strongest sorcerer of the modern age. Apart from his overly annoying behavior, selfish tendencies, and abnormal fixation with processed sugar, Satoru exhibits a plethora of characteristics that are borderline antisocial. While not a brooding person in public, she has witnessed time and again how his gaze became dull and void of any semblance of emotion whenever he recalled 'the past'. Melancholy is not his strong suit and for years now, Shoko has silently and begrudgingly listened to his ridiculous notion of loneliness (although he has never explicitly stated he felt lonely himself).
Speak of the devil, Satoru suddenly barges into her office, seemingly just having finished his business with the first-years. He looks fine, goofy smile and all, but Shoko has known him long enough to know when he's a being a genuine douchebag and when he's pulling crap out of the pocket.
"Got some news," he says, leaning his head against the doorframe. "Your favorite person is coming back to Tokyo."
Shoko lifts a brow. "I'm fairly certain Utahime is in Kyoto."
He clicks his tongue, walking toward her. "Okay, your second favorite person."
"Ah," Shoko drawls, organizing the files on her desk. "You must be ecstatic, then."
"What was that?"
The doctor glances at him only once and doesn't say anything. Instead, she continues her work with the same diligence. Fine, whatever, I'll play along.
"Anyway," the white-haired sorcerer says as he sits on the chair next to the office's window, "she should be back by midnight so I came to kill some time before I head off for the Shuuin Manor."
She's about to retort and urge him to leave her office already when she picks up on the slight strain in his voice. The lopsided grin is a facade and has been ever since Suguru left. This is a rare moment where she catches a crack in that otherwise perfect mask.
Her colored lips stretch into a knowing smirk as she asks, "What's wrong?"
A simple question, one she thought he'd be prepared for. Alas, the way his lips fall into a straight line says otherwise. Shoko almost laughs and he looks to the side, pouting.
"Would you look at that," the doctor muses.
"Please," Satoru scoffs, crossing his legs and stuffing his hands inside his pockets. "Liv comes and goes all the time. I'm used to it. It's like 'good morning'."
Shoko merely lifts a brow. She figures he meant to say something more with that statement and she can deduce what it could be. However, she doesn't have the patience nor the brain power to bother with it now.
"Huh," she hums. "So, will you stay at the Manor tonight?"
Satoru hums return. "I don't think so. Why?"
Shoko shrugs. "She's your wife and you haven't seen her in almost a month."
"And?"
She almost slaps him across the face. "Are you being intentionally dense?"
He cocks his head to the side and Shoko imagines a question mark popping out of his head.
"Did you tell the Council that Drakon is coming back?" Shoko asks instead.
Satoru shakes his head in denial. "Nope. Mathias did that earlier today."
"And you don't think they'll find it suspicious if you two spend the night apart?" Shoko asks further.
Satoru frowns under his bandages. The truth of the matter is, he has thought of it. He just tries not to think of it.
"I don't care what they think," Satoru says, his tone void of playfulness.
The peculiarity of his wording is what irks Shoko. When the Shuuin mistress had been first introduced to them way back, Satoru remained either dismissive or tight-lipped about their shared past. Shoko has never been one to pry but through years of quiet observation, she has pieced together a decent if not accurate thought on their relationship.
Complicated.
Yet, Liv and Satoru work surprisingly well. While initially concerned with Satoru's lack of tact and consideration of Liv's wellbeing, Shoko likes to believe that, just like any husband, Satoru worries for his spouse and wishes her well.
"You married her for a reason, Gojo," Shoko notes, careful that her tone remains as apathetic as possible. "It will all be pointless if the Council finds a way to separate you."
"Like that will ever happen," he counters lightly but again, Shoko knows better.
"It happened once before," she says, looking at him this time, "or have you forgotten?"
She sits on her chair and swivels before pulling herself toward and underneath the desk. With a pen in one hand and a folder in another, she wordlessly tells him to leave her office now, given that their conversation has run its course. When he doesn't budge, she nods her head toward the door. Another few moments pass before Satoru takes the hint and leaves Shoko's office.
November 29th, 2016. / 20:17 / Edogawa, Tokyo, Japan
Miguel wonders if he will ever get used to this.
By this, he means having a night out with his family members without having to come across a curse. Granted, this is Japan - curses are everywhere. Exorcising curses is one thing -
Watching Suguru swallow them is another matter entirely.
The Shuuin spy remembers the day he met the notorious raven-head. He was on business for his mistress at the time, collecting information from the underground. A good spy network includes being up to date with information and news. Frequent expeditions to the crime underbelly ensure the Shuuin clan remains on top of things.
At the time, Miguel was catching up with bounties. Nearly every active sorcerer has a price on their head; some more, others less. Competition among curse users for the prize money isn't unusual and more often than not, the Shuuin escaped certain death by outracing the curse users and taking down bounties.
However, not all curse users are bounty hunters. Some are more interested in brokering information. Others are engaged in more political affairs.
And some, like Suguru Geto, are busy collecting allies and followers.
Miguel has always been a Shuuin through and through. Freedom of choice and understanding of consequence have been drilled into him both by his mistress and his superior, the Shuuin spymaster Tove Dahl. He has also warned that while there is a blurry line of distinction between the Shuuin principles and what they frown upon, it is still a line and it shouldn't be crossed.
Miguel crossed that line after his fourth encounter with Suguru.
He was hesitant at first. The smooth talker that he is, Suguru spoke of his ideals and dreams with fervor and determination. There has never been an ounce of doubt in his voice or his convictions. Miguel believed him a lunatic, spouting nonsense with his every breath. Yet, when that same lunatic showed him the other side of the conflict, Miguel got curious.
True to his statement at the wedding, Miguel had never colluded with the 'enemy'. He consulted with his mistress before making any decisions. It was the longest discussion they ever had and at its conclusion, Miguel realized that Liv didn't disagree with Suguru, per se.
Rather, she found his methods unorthodox.
His decadent use of force and his gifts to eradicate one portion of the entire populace is what rubs Liv the wrong way. All life is sacred, she'd say when Miguel brought up the subject. Shouldn't sorcerers' lives be sacred too? was his response. When she didn't answer his counterquestion, Miguel made his decision.
Shortly after, he approached Suguru and the rest is history.
It has been five years since then. Miguel has witnessed even more horror and nightmares onward, all of which further solidified his decision to support Suguru. The discrepancy and degeneracy of the masses, the hypercriticism of the jujutsu society, and the utter madness of the world at large merely served to open his eyes further to the problem they're all facing. At some point, he has desensitized and his ideology has condensed into a singular goal - now, he just wants Suguru to be the king.
And for you to be his queen, he finds himself thinking as he gazes upon the picture that is the lock screen of his phone. A small smile graces his lips as he brushes the face of his mistress with his thumb, ever so slightly, ever so gently. He wishes she'd made a different choice three years ago, in New Orleans.
He wishes she'd chosen Suguru instead of Satoru.
Standing over him, still in his dark monk robes, is the raven-head he calls family. Miguel doesn't feel the need to hide the picture on his phone, though he should. After all, Liv and Suguru are now more-or-less enemies. However, the older man knows that Suguru longs to see her face, especially her smile.
So, Miguel indulges him, pretending not to notice his presence for a solid ten seconds.
"Had enough?" he suddenly asks and Suguru clears his throat, looking away.
"The dress is nice," the raven head says in response, a tight smile on his while he's keeping his hands inside the sleeves of his robes.
"You won't ask me where this is? Or, why is she in white?"
A moment of silence passes before Suguru answers in an overly sweet tone, dripping with venom, "No."
Because I already know.
"Home, then?" Miguel asks even though he's already on his feet and ready to go.
Suguru nods before turning on his heel. "Home."
Love is a wonderful thing, truly - but when unrequited, it can hurt like a bitch.
November 30th, 2016. / 00:48 / Shuuin Manor, Tochigi Prefecture, Japan
The sudden entrance of Satoru Gojo leaves everyone startled. Tove and Rune are left out of breath, whereas Mathias is alarmed by the man's appearance. Mimir stares at the white-haired sorcerer, wondering why he's wearing bandages over his eyes.
Liv, now sober, sighs as she asks, "Why hide your presence, Satoru? We were expecting you anyway."
He gives her a wide grin as he responds, "I wanted to surprise you! Are you surprised?"
She doesn't dignify him with an answer but he takes it as a confirmation anyway.
"Well then," he exclaims before looking down at her lap where Mimir is perched. "Is that it?"
Mimir frowns, feeling uncomfortable as the blinded man stares at him with overwhelming intensity. Strange how an obscured gaze can still be purposeful (just a few months from now, Mimir will recall this very moment but under different circumstances).
"Head, this is my husband, Satoru Gojo," she answers in Norwegian, to which Satoru curls his upper lip and Mimir silently appreciates. "He's a two-meter tall child."
Though he can't understand her, Satoru pouts as he picks up on the tone of her latter sentence. "You dissed me, didn't you?"
She smiles sweetly at him while Mimir squints and asks in a hushed tone, "Is his hair naturally white?"
"Yes," she answers before continuing in Japanese, looking at Satoru, "This is Mimir. He doesn't speak Japanese."
"Bummer," Satoru says bluntly. "I was about to ask if - "
"If we're done with the introductions," Mathias interrupts loudly, "can we get back to planning?"
Liv merely glances at her brother. Satoru presses his lips together, stifling a giggle that is threatening to escape his throat.
"Fine," Liv says evenly, leaning on her unoccupied knee. "So, as I was saying - before being interrupted - "
"Surprised," Satoru corrects her, throwing her a wink.
She blinks before and takes a steady breath, "Surprised, I will need some help with the elders tomorrow."
Tove hums, "They should be the least of your problems, mistress."
"They will ask questions," Liv explains, pinching the bridge of her nose. "About the Great Mother, about my position, about what's going to happen from now on - "
"All of which we expected, sister," Mathias says slowly. "With the Vow gone and given that you're the mistress now, we need your guidance."
"That's just it," Liv mumbles. "I can't offer you any guidance."
Mathias frowns, nervously asking, "What do you mean?"
Liv is silent for a moment as the rest of them watch her curiously. Tove looks away, pressing her lips into a thin line.
"I can't hear them," Liv confesses solemnly. "The previous masters. I hear the Great Mother but honestly, she's not all that helpful."
Rude.
"Why?" Mathias asks, baffled by her statement. "You defeated her in fair combat and proceeded with the consumption - "
"There is a psychological barrier," Liv continues, explaining further, "Whenever I try to recall memories of ancestors, my memories mix in and I can't tell them apart."
"That can't be the only reason you can't access their memories," Satoru notes rhetorically.
Liv looks to the side, her stomach turning once more. Inside the main hall, apart from Liv herself, three people are aware of her past - one is not. That one is currently sitting in front of her, manspreading without a care in the world while sporting a lopsided grin.
Tell me, she hears the dreadful woman muse overhead. What happens when your husband realizes you're not as solid as he believed you to be?
The Shuuin mistress blinks a few times, not entertaining the dead hag's inquiries. Instead, she takes a deep breath to calm her mind (and a rapidly beating heart).
"I must make peace with my past," Liv admits to her husband.
Satoru pouts, seemingly in thought. "So, a trip to the therapist? That can be arranged."
Unexpectedly to everyone but Satoru, Liv chuckles. Her giggles eventually erupt into full-blown laughter. Mathias stares in utter disbelief while Tove and Rune exchange curious looks.
Liv takes a breath, brushing away the tears in the corner of her eyes. "Somehow, you make every situation so easy to solve."
Feeling proud, Satoru puffs out his chest, saying, "Well, I am the strongest."
Indeed, she thinks as she shakes her head. "While I'll keep that idea in mind, I was thinking of a more practical solution."
Satoru cocks his head to the side while Mathias frowns.
Liv clears her throat as she continues, "Seidr."
"Seidr?" Mathias wonders out loud.
"That witchy voodoo thing again?" Satoru asks, wiggling his fingers as if to prove his point.
Liv rolls her eyes. "It's not voodoo, Satoru - "
"Fine, non-voodoo witchy thing," he sighs dramatically before clicking his tongue.
She gives him a blank look before glancing back at Mathias, "I believe it can solve the problem."
"How?" her brother inquires in disbelief. "Seidr protects the mind, it can't heal it. Besides, you can't do it alone and none of us know anything about seidr."
Liv then pats Mimir, a soft smile sneaking its way onto her lips, "That's why I brought Mimir here."
The head picks up on its name being called and asks, "What about me?"
Given that the entire conversation has been in Japanese, Mimir has been quiet for a while. Liv chuckles before lifting the enchanted corpse to her eye level.
"Remember when I said I wished to move on from my past?" she asks softly in Norwegian to which Mimir hums affirmatively in response. "I will cast a seidr spell on myself to mend my mind."
Mimir frowns. "You can't. That kind of spell can only be cast on a sleeping subject. It'd be impossible for you to do it on yourself."
Liv hums. "In practice, the subject merely needs to be guided to sleep - the rest occurs in the dreamscape and is out of the caster's control."
"Yes but the caster controls the subject's stability and brings them back in case their body has a bad reaction to the potions," Mimir argues.
"That's why you will assist me," Liv says confidently, adding, "since no one else knows anything about that kind of magic."
Mimir's eyes widen as it asks, "You want me to cast a spell on you? I'm missing some parts of my body, in case you've - "
"I just want you to watch out for me while I'm asleep," Liv explains further. "If my body starts to seem funny, wake me up. Frankly, I just need your tongue for that."
"But - "
"Mimir," she says, her eyes pleading with the head, "I'm out of options here. It's either that or remaining a slave to my memories. This is my best chance."
"What if you fail?" Mimir presses further. "Seidr can get you inside dreamscape but it's no guarantee that you will achieve your goal."
She looks briefly at her husband. His lips are apart ever so slightly as if he'll ask her a question. Before he can say anything, however, she looks back at the severed head in her hands with a sad smile on her face.
"I have to try," she confesses.
Mimir sighs as it complies with her request. "Very well."
Satoru looks over his shoulder at Mathias, saying, "I have a feeling the cursed corpse agreed right now."
Mathias deadpans, "You are a genius, Gojo."
The white-haired sorcerer takes the sarcastic comment as a compliment and grins. "I know, thank you."
Liv clears her throat, effectively ending whatever the silent war had been going on between her husband and her brother. "Play nice, boys."
"I'm not a boy," Satoru more or less exclaimed.
Mathias rolls his eyes.
"And I'm tired and want to sleep," Liv says through gritted teeth. "If you've got nothing polite to say to each other, eyes on me then."
Satoru smirks and Liv immediately regrets her choice of words. "That's not what I meant - "
"I said nothing," her husband defends himself by raising his hands in mocking surrender.
Liv groans, looking at Tove instead. "Got anything to report before I throttle my husband?"
The spymaster gives a pitiful look to her mistress before answering, "A couple of things, mistress. But - "
The mistress quirks a brow as she asks, "What is it?"
Tove then glances at Mathias. Her eyes betray conflicting emotions, but her thoughts are rather clear - clear enough for Liv to hear them, anyway. If the revelation disturbed her in any way, Liv has successfully hidden it behind an expressionless face.
"Yuki Tsukumo," she says evenly. "Now that's a name I haven't heard in a long while."
No one says anything for a solid few minutes. Tove and Rune are still unsure of what exactly transpired at the Manor at the time, given that Mathias had been alone with the Special Grade sorcerer much longer than they had. Satoru is completely unaware of what happened that day, having missed the woman by a literal minute.
Amptly, it is Mathias who speaks up. "She said some interesting things."
I'm sure she did, Liv thinks to herself, despite knowing her brother can hear her regardless. "Well? Don't be shy."
Mathias frowns, visibly provoked but he wants to keep reign over his emotions for as long as possible. "Perhaps, it'd be better if we discussed this tomorrow with the elders."
Hopefully, away from prying eyes and ears. The words remain unsaid as he glances briefly at his brother-in-law. Liv notices this, of course, and has a comeback prepared as well. Don't use Satoru as an excuse for being spineless. Mathias almost seethes at the suggestion that he cannot take her on in a private setting.
"Whatever you want to say," Liv says calmly, "you can say it right here."
His eyes widen and while the rest of the people (and one head) are unaware of their little mentalist banter, the tension in the room has risen significantly. Tove is immediately reminded of their fight from seven years ago when the question of succession came about.
That was a bad day for both siblings.
"Fine," Mathias almost spits as he says. "What did you promise her?"
Liv shakes her head. "Nothing."
"That's not what she says," Mathias pressures her further. "She asked about our knowledge of the souls."
The Shuuin mistress lifts a brow and cocks her head to the side, seemingly in thought. "Soul? Hmm - "
Mathias bites his tongue, hard enough to feel the metallic taste of blood. Don't paint me for a fool, sister. Liv hears his half-threats and remains unfazed. It isn't the first time Mathias has thrown a tantrum after misunderstanding things without having a clear picture. Despite finding his short temper annoying, she doesn't blame him for wanting answers.
However, this time, she can't answer him - not yet.
Her tone is cold as she says, "Can't recall, sorry."
The apology is as half-assed as they come and Mathias is understandably vexed. His eyes widen as he realizes that Liv is being difficult deliberately. This fact is acknowledged by both Tove and Rune, whereas Satoru finds it curious.
"You haven't changed," he mutters, disappointment clear on his face. "Not one bit."
She recalls Si-Woo saying something similar. She also recalls feeling slightly offended by his remark. Liv has changed - she has changed. Otherwise, she wouldn't be in this very position.
Right?
"I'm going to sleep," Mathias offers needlessly, scratching the back of his head before turning on his heel, and leaving the main hall. "I had enough for one day."
Liv doesn't say anything. She doesn't reprimand him nor does she call out his improper way of exit. She glances at Tove, silently urging her to go and rest as well. The spymaster nods and nudges Rune to follow as well. They depart the main hall with a soft 'good night' directed to both Liv and Satoru. Within minutes, the spouses are left alone with Mimir.
"I take it," the head says hesitantly, "not everything will go smoothly."
Liv hums. "Heated heads never prevailed."
"Aye but," Mimir clicks its tongue, "I can't help but wonder how complicated your situation is, my lady."
"Very," Liv chuckles and pats the head's bald scalp. "Tired?"
The head takes a moment to reply, "Well, not really, no. Though, if you desire privacy, all you need to do is leave me on a shelf. Preferably near a substantial source of warmth."
She chuckles again. "Deal."
Then, she turns to her husband who has been noticeably quiet for a while now. His bandages obscure his eyes but as Liv has once said before, she needn't see his eyes to know what he's thinking. As it happens, his thoughts are quiet.
"No questions?" she asks and he purses his lips. "Some questions?"
He cocks his head to the side. "I guess it can wait. I do have one that I should ask now, though."
"Shoot," she says casually.
"Can I stay the night?"
The question takes her by surprise and she lets out a squeal. "Hah! I-I mean, sure, you're always welcome here but why?"
"You've just returned," he replies simply. "It's late. The Council is still onto us. Take your pick."
"All valid points, I suppose," she notes with a hint of suspicion. "Pick whichever room you want. Let me just get some clean bedsheets."
He nods and she takes that as a cue to bid him goodnight as well. She takes Mimir with her as well, about to head off when she hears Satoru calling her name. Curious, she looks over her shoulder and sees a very serious Satoru staring back at her.
"Actually," he then says, "I was thinking of being in your room for tonight."
The look on Liv's face can be interpreted in several ways; the most accurate would be 'the fuck?'.
"You went off last time to chase phantoms into the distance," he goes on, fluttering his fingers as if to emphasize his point. "I'd rather have my eye on you this time."
The bewildered and slightly put-off expression persists on her face as she tries to make sense of his sudden request. Sure, they've shared a bed before; both innocently and not so innocently. She shouldn't be so aghast by his request, yet she is doing just that.
Nevertheless, she answers slowly, "Okay."
They retreat inside the Manor where Liv looks for a nice spot to put Mimir down. After careful consideration, she decides to leave it atop the dresser just beneath the gift she received from the Fushiguro siblings. While she does that, Satoru takes note of the hanging map. It is old, probably an antique. It fits in with the rest of the Manor but he can't seem to recall seeing it before.
"Did a bit of decorating, huh?" he comments, nodding his head toward the framed piece of paper. "Nice touch."
Liv looks at him and then at his point of interest before saying, "Oh, that wasn't me. Megumi and Tsumiki gifted it to me."
"Oh?" he muses. "When was that?"
He sees her flinch slightly as if she's in pain. "Something wrong?"
She bites her lower lip before answering, "Nothing, never mind, let's go. Goodnight, Mimir!"
The last part is in Norwegian so Satoru doesn't understand. Instead, he allows Liv to tug on his sleeve as she pulls them toward the hallway and then to her room. When she closes the door of the bedroom, an awkward silence follows.
"There's a set of Mathias' sweats and sweatshirt I snatched," Liv says, pointing toward the dresser while rubbing the back of her neck.
Satoru smirks. "You stole your brother's clothes? Do they even fit you?"
Liv lifts a brow. "They're comfortable."
He doesn't even comment. Instead, he hums as he opens the dresser and finds an oversized beige sweatshirt, seemingly hastily stuffed inside. He lifts the clothing as he turns to Liv, pointing out the sheer size of it by comparing it against his chest.
"I bet they're comfortable," he teases and gets a pillow thrown at his face which he aptly catches. "You know that won't do shit."
Liv shrugs, grinning. "It's good stress relief. You don't get harmed, I get my fill - it's all good."
He watches her silently for a moment, his lips parted. She notes that he wants to say something but has some difficulty phrasing it. Deciding to keep his mouth shut for now, Satoru unzips his jacket, folding it before placing it atop the dresser. Liv observes him silently, noticing how he's more buff than she expected him to be. The jacket is several sizes larger so he appears lanky in it. However, in just his T-shirt, she notices large biceps and pectorals instead of chicken legs and ribs. Strongest indeed, she notes, comparing his physique to Toji's.
It is when he begins taking off the T-shirt that she realizes she's been shamelessly ogling him. Liv promptly turns to the window, giving him a semblance of privacy (though he could've just changed in the bathroom). Once dressed, Satoru sits next to her and starts unraveling his bandages.
"Switched to bandages, huh?" she turns back around and asks as he takes off the bandages. "I'd guess stretchy headband doesn't do the job anymore. Your eyes must've hurt quite a bit."
Satoru chuckles. "You know me well."
She smiles sadly somewhat. "I wonder about that sometimes."
"You know," he says, unraveling the final layer of bandages, "you sound so detached when you say things like that."
"What do you mean?" she frowns.
He finally looks at her, cerulean orbs staring pointedly at her. She notes they lack the usual shine, indicative of their ability to be active. He's turned it off entirely, she notes with a hint of anxiety.
"I know you're aloof by nature," he mutters, almost whispering and there is a trace of sadness in his tone, "but do you have to put a wall between us every time we see each other?"
"I'm not - " she shakes her head but he cuts her off almost immediately.
"Yes, you are."
Silence follows again as the spouses stare at each other's eyes. There is a bit of tension in the air and while not suffocating, it could get nasty very easily.
"I thought we were past hiding things from each other," he says softly, still looking at her. "Guess not."
Liv bites her lower lip. "Satoru - "
"What will it take," he says, his tone now piercingly cold, "for you to lower that wall?"
Her eyes widen. Her mouth is slack as she's the one who's having trouble phrasing things now. The request itself isn't what bothers her - it is the nature of the request. What he's asking for is not something she can just give. I'm not drunk enough for this conversation.
"We should go to bed, come on," she says, trying to deflect the situation by pulling him under the covers. "Let's talk tomorrow - "
He catches her wrist before she can touch his elbow. The sudden action makes her gasp.
"You won't talk tomorrow," he says, bringing her knuckles closer to his lips. "If it were up to you, we'd never talk. Example being the last seven years."
She swallows the lump in her throat. "You don't understand. There is a lot that - "
"There is a lot that I don't know, yeah, go figure," he interrupts her again, his frustration evident. "That's why I'm asking you. What can I do, then?"
"It's not about you," she finally answers, the words burning her throat and tongue.
"Then what is - "
"I don't know," she says at the end of her breath. "I thought I did and that's why I asked you to marry me. But - "
He watches as she holds her forehead, a frustrated sigh escaping her lips. She then shakes her head, looking out through the window. The sight is eerily familiar to that day when she proposed to him, except this time, instead of marigold hues, she's showered in the pale starlight.
"I see her," she says suddenly, still not looking at him. "The Great Mother. Whenever I feel conflicted or in doubt, she appears and makes sure I feel even shittier. However - "
She looks at him again with a strange expression on her face. "Every jab, every unsavory comment, every insult she throws my way, somehow, in some way, makes me feel closer to the answers I'm looking for."
Satoru frowns, seemingly in deep thought. "You think she's guiding you? I thought she wasn't helpful at all."
She takes a moment to reply. "You'll think I'm insane."
"Wouldn't be the worst thing people have called you," is his swift reply to which Liv graces him with a glare. "What? You said so yourself."
She groans but answers, "I think it's not her that's criticizing me. Rather, I think it's me criticizing myself."
Satoru chuckles. "Wow, dissing yourself? Man, talk about having a taste of your own medicine."
"You're a real jerk," she rolls her eyes and falls back on the plush mattress, her gaze fixed on the ceiling.
He joins her shortly afterward, his back against the mattress as he too stares at the ceiling. "Yeah, Shoko said the same thing earlier today. Speaking of which, you missed her birthday."
A pang of guilt strikes at her heart as Liv realizes that she has indeed missed her friend's special day. "Damn it - "
Satoru turns his head so he's looking at her. "Bring some alcohol. She's pissed."
"Will do," she chuckles as she turns her head as well, facing her husband. "I'm an awful friend, aren't I?"
He doesn't blink as he answers, nodding his head, "Yup."
She slaps him on the thigh although there is a smile instead of a frown on her face. A few soft giggles echo in their room as the spouses wrestle which ends in Liv's hands being locked in Satoru's palm while his other hand is busy tickling her sides. Liv tries to stifle her laughter, refusing to submit in defeat.
"Say the magic words," he tells her, a wicked grin plastered on his face. "Say it and I'll stop."
"N-Ne-ever," she struggles to say, taking a deep breath. "S-Stop - "
"Say the magic words," he reminds her, still tickling her sensitive sides.
Already finding it hard to breathe, a few moments pass before she finally nods, surrendering. "Okay, okay, fine."
He leans in closer, his ear next to her lips. He keeps a firm yet gentle grip on her waist, a silent reminder that he'll resume his ministrations from before unless she surrenders completely. With a final attempt at retaining her pride, Liv presses her lips into a thin line, remaining quiet. A soft jab at her sides that follows her stubborn silence seems to do the trick and she sighs in defeat.
"Blue rules," she says, rolling her eyes so far they might see inside her skull, "and Liv drools."
"Damn right," he grins before rolling back to his side, one arm under his head while the other is resting atop his stomach. "Was that so hard?"
Dickhead, she thinks to herself before groaning, "I'll drown you the first chance I get, Satoru."
"Sure," he drawls, yawning. "If you can bypass our vows some way, then I wish you all the luck in the world."
She rolls her eyes for the umpteenth time today before turning away from her husband. "Whatever. Go to sleep already."
"Won't you change your clothes?" he asks.
She scoffs. "Won't do it in front of you."
"I'll close my eyes," he says playfully. "Can't promise no peeking, though."
"Precisely my point," she sighs.
"Bathroom, then?" he offers.
She grunts this time. "Nah, can't be bothered."
He doesn't say anything, merely grinning as he watches her fall asleep. Judging by how quickly her breathing evens out, Satoru concludes she must've been exhausted. He rolls to his side, facing her back. Gently, he maneuvers the covers out from beneath her, careful not to wake her before wrapping the edges around her body. A soft smile graces his lips as he takes in her sleeping form. He then pulls the rest of the covers over his shoulders, making sure not to stir a lot as he makes himself comfortable. His eyes are not sore for a change and he's lulled into sleep shortly afterward, this time without an accompanying headache.
The last thing he recalls before falling asleep is the stars shimmering in the night sky.