A/N: This chapter is a couple days late because I needed to remind myself that this is my story and I can do whatever I want with it. I tend to forget that.
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Mundane tasks like acquiring infant formula, building a bed and adapting to a new routine kept intrusive thoughts away for a while. Kokutan had no more health problems. The other baby snakes were all very snakelike, so they could be kept in the forest room and given insects every few days while Orochimaru focused on the one child of his that he'd named.
"This is a little boring," Kakashi mentioned.
"It was your idea," Orochimaru snapped back. They were both tired.
"Technically it was Yukidama's idea," Kakashi said, pretending he'd received a pleasant and civil response. "I have no idea why or how a clone of mine would know how to care for a premature infant, but I'm glad for it."
Orochimaru was grumpy partly because he had to admit that Kakashi's (or rather, Yukidama's) idea was working. Holding Mitsuki against their bare skin for hours at a time had so far miraculously prevented the numerous health complaints that a premature infant should normally be subject to. It was unclear what number of weeks his development corresponded to, but he was born unable to suck with any real strength. Demonic manipulation of physics was coming in very handy.
Mitsuki made a weak keening sound, his equivalent of a cry. Orochimaru walked away. A bottle of formula was always left next to the one holding Mitsuki because his tiny stomach couldn't hold more than an hour's worth of food. Right now, Kakashi was on duty. He rotated Mitsuki to face outwards and levitated some formula to the baby's lips.
The infant snake gained the ability to suck in a few weeks. The hours-long holding sessions stopped, to mingled relief and sadness. Simo was overjoyed to get his first opportunity to watch over his little brother. His ninja training had not suffered; dedication sent him running around the base at high speeds and climbing on the walls without anyone asking him to do so. Kakashi made his pride clear. He's the best big brother there can possibly be.
Orochimaru looked tired. This was a lifestyle so utterly alien to him that it would take far longer than a few weeks to adjust. Most likely, he would tolerate it until Mitsuki started to walk and use chakra. He would never actually adjust to caring for a helpless infant.
Without meaning to or noticing, they drifted apart. One morning, Kakashi woke up with the realization that he couldn't remember the last time he and Orochimaru had a meaningful conversation. He spent most of his time with Simo and Mitsuki while Orochimaru attended to practical matters. He didn't have the slightest clue what those "practical matters" actually were; he just assumed that Orochimaru was working on something and that the snake was doing so in his usual methodical manner. After showing Simo how to feed Mitsuki should he need to, Kakashi went in search of his mate. I must learn what fascinating things he's up to. I can't forget him.
He found Orochimaru sorting through tiny scrolls. They were the sort ninjas used to send brief reports on ongoing missions, and they were fresh. Orochimaru studied them with a look of frustration on his face.
"What's going on?" Kakashi asked. I should have asked long ago. This is important.
"There have been no signs of demons anywhere on the continent," Orochimaru replied.
The old questions resurfaced. Where did they go? What happened to them? Kakashi scratched his head. "Hmm. I'll ask my world-traveling clone for a report."
"Ask your dog clone as well."
"Of course." Kakashi blinked. "Wait a minute. Speaking of highly important angelic knowledge… What did that one angel tell you about the conditions of souls in the afterlife?"
"Damaged, as you thought. It mostly learned from me, rather than the other way around." Orochimaru put the scrolls in order. "Anyway. Reports."
"Right…" But don't you want to spend time with me? Kakashi did not ask this. He turned away and focused on gathering reports.
Gathering reports from such distant clones took a long time. The dog clone was quickly sidetracked by the news that a baby angel had been born, which Kakashi had somehow managed to forget about. The world-traveling clone took a long time just to locate, and when it finally reported in Kakashi learned that it had spent most of its time living as different species of animals just to find out what it felt like. It took many, many reports from that clone before Kakashi detected something relevant. Early in its travels, the clone had detected something at the far end of its sensory range which made it instantly flee in the other direction. It could not remember anything else about that thing. Orochimaru smiled just a little upon hearing this. Kakashi directed the traveling clone to pursue the mysterious thing and find out more about it. The clone was extremely reluctant, but agreed.
As always, the clones took their jobs very, very seriously. Kakashi got a report within a week. The clone had given up all pretense of living in favor of traveling as fast as possible with as wide a sensory range as possible. Using this method, it had detected something frightening on a large island in the middle of the ocean. Gathering its courage, it had tried to approach, but unexplainable knowledge told it that whatever it had detected was watching it right back. It fled.
Orochimaru's eyes glittered when he was told this. "Perhaps your clones perceive it as frightening because they are only clones. You give them a very small portion of your total power. Pay this island a personal visit, Puppy. I must learn how the being that resides there compares to you."
Kakashi had to admit that was useful knowledge. Besides, now that the thing had clearly detected his clone, it was probably curious. It would be better to go looking for it now than allow the thing to come looking for him and find all of his loved ones. Kakashi told Simo he had someone very important to talk to, so he would be away for a few days. Simo was not worried. Wild creatures were intimately familiar with not knowing things. The obsessive urge to follow loved ones so as to make sure they were safe did not occur to him; nor did a desire for minutely detailed explanations. Simo promised to look after Mitsuki super super well. Kakashi nuzzled him proudly.
He had to stop a few times for food, drink, and - he was forced to admit it - courage. The fear his clone had transmitted was so vivid it made his whole body shake. It took a lot of effort to push it aside. Kakashi was mentally exhausted when he came near the island, so he decided to sleep. I will need my wits about me.
He woke up in darkness with the certain knowledge that there were eyes on him. He was surprised to not feel the fear his clone had felt. Orochimaru was right. There must be some way for us to detect from a distance our relative power levels. Moving slowly, hoping not to provoke the other demon, he approached. As he got closer, he could sense more about it. Its intentions became clearer, its thoughts and feelings observable, its power level more defined. At a distance of about ten meters, Kakashi knew he was near another demon with significantly less soul power and a mind that straddled the dividing line between the hollowness of the false world and the all-consuming hunger of madness.
It was good that this other demon had much less power than he. Otherwise, it would have tried to consume the mental stability it knew he had. Since he would so obviously win any battle between them, it held still and let him approach. Kakashi generated a ball of flame to illuminate the night. What he saw ripped at his heart. It had the body of a young man, probably taken from the edge of the Elemental Nations. Said body was of a healthy weight but with brittle hair and dull, flaky skin. It wore clothes, but the clothes were not fresh. They had probably been worn for weeks, and they were just a day or two away from being ripped off and shredded for the crime of being itchy.
"Can you speak?" Kakashi asked.
"What are you?" the other demon asked in reply. Its wide, desperate eyes flicked from side to side as it studied him.
"I…seem to be new."
"Haha…" The other demon chuckled. Then it realized the full meaning of his words and fell to the ground guffawing, rolling around crying from laughter. Kakashi stayed in a tree above the ground, watching. Even though the other demon could not damage him, he felt just as frightened as his clone had.
As quickly as the burst of laughter had started, it stopped. The sudden silence rang in Kakashi's ears. The other demon twisted to look up at him. "You look nice," it said.
The madness prevented Kakashi from seeing its soul very clearly. He had to deliberately take a closer look in order to make out anything detailed. Now that the other demon lay still, he did so and discovered that its name was Semblance. Not that word, exactly; its name wasn't anything as insignificant as a mere word. Rather, its soul declared with every movement, every thought, every feeling, that this being was the very essence of imitation. This other demon slipped through shadows, becoming the shadows, destined to forever be a copy of real things but not ever a real thing itself. No individual personality, no will. Only a semblance of those things.
"What are you?" Semblance asked again. Kakashi understood now the meaning of that question. "What" and "Who" were the same thing as far as other demons were concerned. They came branded not just with names but with fates. What was his fate?
"I am…" What am I? What is my destiny? Kakashi realized that he didn't have one. He had no path, only the whole great spreading world around him. Any step he took would be his path. Since he was a living being, he could not help but take steps. His very existence, then, was his path. "I am that I am."
"Wow," Semblance breathed. "You're amazing." He giggled shrilly, his mind once more teetering on the brink of madness. After a tense moment, it settled on the side of the false world. "I don't believe you," Semblance chirped. "I don't believe anyone. Not even Malice, who you look just like."
Kakashi nearly fell off the branch. "What?!"
"Well, you don't have his name," Semblance murmured. "Or his thoughts, or anything else about him. You're big, though. He was big. A bit bigger than you, but there isn't a demon for every size, so there's no one else who looks so similar to your size…"
Malice. Kakashi felt sick. That's the demon I replaced? He looked down at poor brittle-haired Semblance and saw not him, but a boy, white-haired and dark-skinned and trembling with fear as he recounted the most horrifying story. "Thu belligent sobsob bab…" Kakashi's eyes filled with tears. That wasn't my previous life. That wasn't. It was someone else. Even so, the lump in his throat refused to budge.
"What's wrong, Iam?" Semblance asked. "You're sad."
"I have never met Malice, but I've heard of him," Kakashi replied. "Horrible things."
"Well, duh."
Now Kakashi was the one who burst out laughing. Of course he was horrible! It was in his name! He wiped his eyes dry and smiled down at Semblance. "I exist, so he probably doesn't. Malice doesn't plague the world anymore."
"Okay."
Kakashi gasped. "I just got possibly a terrible idea. Would you like to come with me? Would you like to be my semblance?"
"I don't know how to do that," Semblance whined. "You don't have a name."
"Can you copy what I do after I do it?"
"No. I need to be like you, but I don't think I can because I don't know what you're like."
"I'm sad to hear that. Well… You seem nice enough. If there ever is anything I can do to help you, I'd like to."
Semblance blinked. "What would I need help with?"
Kakashi blinked as well. "...If whatever being you are like needs help with something, I'll try to help them."
"Okay. Wow. You're amazing."
This poor creature. He reminds me of a kid.
"I want to kill you and take your name. 'Iam' seems like a nice name."
The demon equivalent of such, anyway. "I think so too, which is why I won't let you. Sorry. Hey, speaking of that, who are you resembling right now?"
"I don't know," Semblance whispered. "Sometimes I don't think I'm resembling anything, but I must be, or else I wouldn't exist. I exist right now…I think…so I must be resembling something, but for the life of me I can't tell you what it is."
"You might be resembling the world. I'm starting to suspect that the world has a personality to it."
Semblance stared straight up into the dark trees. Kakashi was amazed to sense his mind move away from madness, towards a hint of stability. Of course! Fulfilling your purpose is what gives people strength! Demons literally have their purpose written onto them. Wait… That makes no sense. If they know exactly what their purpose is, why are they unfulfilled? It can't be that easy. I'm missing something.
"How can you see that?" Semblance asked. "I can't see it. I can't see."
Divinity. This world and everything in it is created by gods. It's like they have their purpose written down, but they can't read, so that doesn't help. Semblance knows he is supposed to imitate, but imitate what? Malice knew he was meant to be cruel, but how? What do the gods consider cruelty? What could possibly hurt their feelings? He must have tried every brand of sin that people ever thought of, trying to find one that would count as "cruelty" to the gods. Other demons… Foresight, Terror, Secret… Do they understand the meaning of their names any better? Seeing ahead in what way: through time, through common sense, through literal space? Terror, same problem as Malice: how do you terrify the divine? Secret: secret to who? What kinds of secrets? I made up these names just now, but I can't make up any name that wouldn't run into these problems. This is it! This is why demons are insane!
"Iam? How are you doing that? You're doing something and I don't know what it is."
Kakashi leaped down from the branch. "Here. I have something that might help. Try your best to imitate a human. Do what humans do: eating, drinking, bathing, talking with other humans, all of that. You might not understand what they mean, but remember these words: your body can see what you can't. Every question you have, your body can answer it. Your body is human, so imitate a human, and in time you'll learn things."
"I've tried that," Semblance said. "Humans get bored. They get angry. They want power. Every time I try being a human, I stop wanting to. I want to be a demon again."
"Push yourself to the limit. Give yourself a challenge! You've tried being a human, but have you ever tried really really being a human? Real humans don't have the ability to become demons even though they want to. If you really really imitate a human, you'll live with that wanting. You'll learn how to handle that frustration in every way except giving into it. Because that's what humans have to do." Kakashi leaned down into the other demon's face. "This surface-level disguise is pathetic. If you were a true semblance, you'd have your target copied all the way down to the core."
Semblance shivered. "Malice was never this scary."
"I may not look like it, but I am a hell of a lot bigger than mere malice. Take up my challenge. Live as I once did. You need to know what I am like before you can copy me? Well, this is part of it. I've spent my whole life living exactly like a human, humiliating powerlessness and all. Do it. Copy me."
"What are you?"
What must it be like to have a clearly defined fate? It's incomprehensible to me. I must be equally incomprehensible to him. "Don't ask. You won't get an answer that you can understand."
"Okay."
"Farewell." Kakashi surrounded his body in a thin layer of darkness and flew up through the branches, up into the open sky. After that… Well, he could fly anywhere he liked.
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A/N: Yukidama was inspired by an episode of Grey's Anatomy. It's somewhere in a later part, definitely after season 5, probably either season 6 or 7. The episode features a premature baby that's having health problems. One of the main characters notices that the baby's vital signs improve while he's holding it. I think there was some kind of fancy medical name for that, but I've forgotten it.
"Semblance" is the name of an AI in a video game I got really, really hooked on recently.