Returning to her apartment, Kate headed straight for the shower even though she had already showered this morning. But she felt like she could use the calming influence of the water running down her body once more. With every minute she came closer to heading to Castle's loft, she grew more anxious.

Everything was about to change, everything. She couldn't even grasp what that really meant. But she did realize that it was scaring the shit out of her. She stepped out of the shower and pulled a fresh towel from the shelf in the corner of the room.

As she wrapped it around her body, her eyes fell to the test again, still lying there on the sink. She stared at it for a second, and the thought crossed her mind how strange it was that two little lines could represent something so life-changing like…

A baby. There the words were again. /spanemspan data-preserver-spaces="true"A baby. /span/emspan data-preserver-spaces="true"Kate's gaze shifted from the test down to her body, only partly covered by the towel lying around her shoulders. Her eyes stopped at her stomach, and like this morning at the precinct, it caused her heart to flutter.

How could there possibly be a baby in there? Theoretically, she knew that right now, it wasn't a baby but just a little something she had no idea how to imagine. But it would be a baby at some point. A little human being growing in her body, made by Castle and herself.

It felt strange, even bizarre, but still, she couldn't help but also be a little amazed by what was happening inside her. Her hand twitched by her side as if it wanted to graze over the skin of her flat stomach, but she stopped it and clenched her fingers into a fist. She couldn't handle any more confusing feelings right now, and the warm tingle she felt in her chest looking at her stomach definitely was confusing as hell.

She forced herself out of her thoughts and continued to dry herself to get into some comfortable clothes. After considering it for a second, she started to pack a bag with clothes for the next day. She couldn't imagine spending the night alone, no, she wanted to be by Castle's side.

As she pulled the zipper of her bag closed and thought of him, feeling the warm fuzzy feeling he always caused her, she realized how lucky she was even in this mess. How many women in similar situations would have to fear the reaction of their partner or even if they would be supportive at all? She remembered feeling that exact feeling back in college. Now, it hadn't even crossed her mind that Castle could possibly not want the baby or would let her down.

No, she was scared of herself, not of him. And she was afraid that all of the things she was scared to fail at would begin as soon as she would bring the words over her lips and tell him. But now, there was no going back. He was waiting for her, and she couldn't let him wait too long. And she didn't want to.

She headed towards her door, the bag in her hand as she hesitated once more. She looked back to the bathroom door and considered whether she should pack the test. But she tossed that thought aside. He would believe her without a little peed-on plastic stick.

Fastening her grip on her back, she opened her door and got out into the hallway. When the door fell shut behind her, she swallowed down another wave of fear at the realization that the next time she would come home, everything would be different, and maybe this wouldn't even be her home for that much longer.

She pushed that thought away, too, and walked down the hallway, feeling a little better than this morning. Maybe it had to do with the package of cookies from her work bag she had finished on the way home. Whatever the reason, she was glad she felt steady at her feet, knowing it would probably look very different again in about fifteen minutes.

With her heart rate speeding up with every passing minute, she walked out of the building and got into her car. By the time she reached the loft and approached his door, she felt like her heart might just as well jump out of her chest or stumble over its own beat and stop completely.

Castle heard the knock on his door, and a smile darted over his lips. No matter what might be going on, he would always be happy to see her. And he had busied his mind with talking himself into that it wouldn't be that bad for an hour now, and slowly it started to work. Probably, he had done exactly what he didn't want to do: overthinking.

He hurried over to the door and opened it with a swift movement. Smiling, he didn't even take much time to take in her appearance. The only thing he noticed was that she brought her overnight bag. So, she definitely wasn't breaking up with him. The last doubt that their relationship might be in serious trouble cleared from his mind, he reached for her hand and pulled her inside.

led her a few feet inside before letting go of her hand and waving towards the living room, a proud smile plastered on his face.

"What do you say? I thought I could try something to lift your mood a little." His voice was filled with the childish excitement Kate appreciated so much. But right now, it wasn't enough to draw her attention away from what was coming up.

She walked past him and quickly took in the sight of the living room. The little table by the couch was covered in bowls of different snacks and a selection of three different bottles of wine, and the TV was on, only the push of the play button away from starting the first episode of Nebula 9.

"I thought to honor our latest case and to show you that I support your choice of favorite shows, even though I don't share them, we could have a marathon." He sounded so proud that Kate couldn't stop the little smile from fighting its way to her anxious features. Oh, how much she loved him.

She dropped her bag to the floor and kept her eyes directed to the TV screen for a couple more seconds. It would be nice to just dive into a fictional world and forget about how scary her reality felt right now. But there was no way she could do that.

Lowering her gaze, she sighed, feeling her heart pounding so heavily in her chest that the sound echoed back to her ears. "That's very sweet of you, Castle."

He looked at her as he heard the anxious, almost sad tone in her voice. She was standing a little turned away from him, but her body posture, with her shoulders hanging and her fists clenched in anxiety, clearly told him a Nebula 9 marathon wasn't what was on her mind right now.

Slowly walking up to her, he softly asked, "Hey, Kate, what is it?" He stopped in his tracks, still a few feet away from her, when she turned to him, and he saw the expression on her face.

She didn't look up, so it was impossible to catch a look of her eyes, but the way she clenched her jaw and her forehead creased, he could tell his instincts hadn't fooled him. And all the work he had done to convince himself that this wasn't about something big faded in the blink of an eye.

She shifted her weight from one leg to the other and brought her hands together in front of her body, knocking her tensed knuckles together but still staring down at the floor. Cold fear started to wrap around his chest, and without him wanting to, his mind came up with the most horrible ideas.

"Kate?" He whispered again, and his voice had to fight through the lump in his throat.

Bringing her hands back to her sides, she softly pounded them against her hips. He could literally see her struggling to bring herself to say something. When she finally did, her voice was low and sounded weak, close to cracking.

"Do you remember our accident at the Hamptons?" His brow furrowed in confusion for a second before he processed what she had said.

Of course, he remembered it, and even though he hadn't thought about it in weeks, the images of that night were still clear in his mind.

After their trip hadn't gone down like they had hoped or expected, their last night at the Hamptons had been a try to make up for the missed time. And after two days of waiting and a lot of loaded tension, things between them had quickly turned passionate, then heated and then even a little rough. /span/spanspan style="color: #0e101a;"It had been amazing. Easily one of the best nights they had had together so far. And when they had been lying in each other's arms afterwards, still intertwined and trying to catch their breaths, he had felt like he was falling in love with her all over again.

But when he finally disconnected his body from hers, the moment had been ruined with a bang when he found the condom they had used to be only a torn-up mess of what it was supposed to be. Kate had started to panic and freak out on the spot.

The only way he had been able to calm her down again was by driving to the drug store and getting one of those morning-after pills. Luckily, things worked a little differently at the Hamptons, especially for well-known guests like him, so he didn't have to get her a description. He had felt quite awkward standing at the counter in the drug store, the young man behind it reassuring him these pills worked with a knowing grin.

He had made a note to avoid that drugstore from now on, but at least this information had been something he could tell Kate when he returned. She had taken the pill without hesitating for a second. Telling her what the man at the drug store had said, the matter had been dealt with for him, and he had been under the impression that it was the same way for her.

But now, with her standing in front of him, almost trembling in anxiety, a strong suspicion started to form in the back of his mind that he had been wrong.

"Yeah." He mumbled, and his voice sounded hoarse and slightly higher than usual. The realization had nearly reached his mind when she finally brought her gaze up to his, tears shimmering in her eyes, and her lip only stopped from trembling by biting down on it.

He waited for her to say the words, but all she did was shrug her shoulders in a defeated gesture with a soft sniff. She just couldn't bring herself to say it, but it was evident on his face that she didn't have to.

Oh. His breath got caught in his throat as he stared at her, the words falling from his lips instead of hers. "You're pregnant."

And suddenly, it all made sense. How could he not have thought of it? But he didn't have much time to think about how stupid he had been to miss all the signs. Kate sobbed at his words, and the tears started to spill from her eyes.

Seeing her like this was heart-wrenching.

"Hey! Hey, come here." With two long strides, he reached her and pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly as he allowed the shock to consume him for a moment.

There went the lightness of their relationship he had enjoyed so much for the last couple of months. After all this time of waiting, longing to be with her, everything had felt so right, so wonderful and easy. And now, out of nowhere, this simplicity was replaced by a feeling of responsibility settling heavy onto his shoulders.

He inhaled deeply and let out a huffed sigh, closing his eyes for a second. But as the first waves of shock slowly drew off, the suffocating feeling got pierced by the first sparks of joy lightning up in his chest.

Pulling her close, he inhaled her scent, felt her body perfectly fitted against his, and like so often when he held her in his arms, it felt like love mixed itself into his blood, roaring through his body. A baby. With her.

For a moment, the thought that she might run crossed his mind, but he quickly shut it off. No, she was here. She was here to tell him, she was letting him hold her, she even brought that damn overnight bag. He was sure she wasn't going anywhere. The Kate he had known for years would have done that. But not the one he had gotten to know over the last few months.

The little sparks took flight and quickly spread all over his body, leaving behind an excitement that almost made him shiver. A baby, a family.

But the way her body was trembling in his arms, he could tell she wasn't feeling the same way. And the wet spots he felt on his chest where her face was buried against it surely weren't tears of joy.

Tenderly, he stroked his palm over the back of her head, and she fastened her embrace around his body even more.

"It's okay." He whispered into her hair. "Everything will be fine, I promise."

She sobbed and pulled in a shaky breath, and he held her tightly, wanting her to know, to feel that he was there, no matter what. That she wasn't alone. Because he knew how terrifying it felt to be alone in a situation like this.

"I'm just so scared, Rick." He was almost surprised to hear her speak. She sounded so vulnerable, so timid that it pained him. But still, a soft smile tugged at the edges of his mouth. He knew she was scared. But he also knew it would pass.

Carefully loosening their embrace, he pushed her back the slightest bit, just enough to look at her even though she kept her eyes looking down at his chest.

"Look," he started. "I've been at this point before, I know it's a shock. I'm a little taken aback, too, I'll admit that. But trust me, everything will be fine. I know it may not feel that way right now, but I know it will. See how wonderful everything turned out with Alexis."

"Kate huffed, her head shaking slightly. "You and Meredith got divorced when Alexis was just a little kid."

Now it was his turn to firmly shake his head. "That was because we only got married for Alexis's sake in the first place." Castle shot back without having to think about it. "We never loved each other."

He tenderly combed his fingers through her hair. "Can't you see how completely different this is? Kate, I love you. I love you with all my heart, and I have for over four years. That is way longer than I even tried to bring myself to feel a fraction of what I feel for you for Meredith. And these last few months? Kate, that was the best time of my life. And look how far we have come already. How far you have come."

Kate kept quiet and let his words sink in. He was right, kind of. She knew that a year ago, she would have probably been head over heels, fleeing as far away as possible, letting no one even come near her.

It took her some willpower, but she forced herself to look up at him, trying to return his smile. But all it turned out to be was an insecure quiver of her lips. "What if it's not enough? What if I can't do it?"

He softly smiled at her, happy to finally be able to look into her eyes, even though it was hard to see the fear in them. "Oh Kate, I'm convinced you will do great. You will learn, and you will see the love for a child comes easily."

Another sob caused her shoulders to tremble, and she had to fight back the urge to give in to crying again. "But what if I do everything wrong and this kid will hate me?"

Castle chuckled softly. "Do you think I have done everything right with Alexis? Look what an immature idiot I am today. Can you imagine what I was like almost twenty years ago? I probably have made more mistakes than I've done good, and still, she turned out to be a wonderful person. And I am quite sure she doesn't hate me."

Kate briefly closed her eyes, and a genuine smile spread over her lips. "You're a wonderful father. Of course, she loves you."

In a tender gesture, he took her face into his hands and brought her gaze back to look at him again. "And you will be a wonderful mother, Kate."

For the first time, she didn't talk back. She wanted to believe him. But that didn't come easily. "I just don't think I'm ready." She whispered.

Castle nodded. "I understand that. And the timing isn't perfect, you're right about that. But Kate, I love you, and we are great together. I want to spend my life with you, I've wanted nothing more since the moment you told me to leave you alone four years back."

Kate couldn't hold back a dry chuckle at the memory.

His smile grew wider at her little laugh. "So, sooner or later, this would have happened anyway. And now it's going to be a little sooner than we might have expected."

She arched her eyebrows at him. "Okay, well, a lot sooner." He smirked. "But does it make that much of a difference? Believe me, you're never actually ready to have a kid. And we have got all that we need to make this work."

Kate inhaled deeply and rested her forehead against his chest as he drew calming circles on her back. She sighed in defeat, his words calming her, maybe almost convincing her. "I just never imagined it would be like this."

She could feel his chuckle vibrating on his chest more than she could hear it. "Oh, believe me, me neither."

Suddenly, the movement on her back stopped, and she felt him freezing a little. He slowly backed away, far enough to look at her, his palms still resting on her shoulders. "Wait, you imagined this?"

Kate huffed, but again, she couldn't fight a smile. "I obviously didn't imagine this."

He wouldn't let it go like that. "But you did imagine us having children?"

"Could we please stick with singular?" He just tilted his head, raising his brows, wanting her to answer the question.

She sighed deeply. "Yes, yes, I did. But it was never concrete. It was just some form of daydream of a faraway future." Her lips grimaced into a weak smile. "Not so far away anymore, I guess."

"And when did that start?" She held his gaze for a moment longer, then lowered her eyes, keeping quiet and chewing on the inside of her cheek. She could feel the blush creeping up her neck and face. Silly, but she couldn't stop it.

"Kate?" He pushed, pulling her closer and lowering his head to find her eyes again, but she wouldn't let him. She slightly turned her head to the side.

His fingers pressed into the small of her back, and she sighed, knowing she wouldn't get away without giving him an answer.

"A few weeks after we met." It was the slightest mumble through almost closed lips, but by the way his body tensed, she knew he heard it. He remained quiet before he spoke again, amusement radiating from his voice.

"So, you are telling me that all those years ago, when you wouldn't miss out on any opportunity to tell me what a burden and annoyance I am to you, you secretly dreamed about having my children?" The self-satisfaction was evident in his voice, and she didn't answer. Instead, she tortured her cheek once more by biting down on the already sore flesh, her eyes still glued to the floor.

Her silence was enough of an answer for him. "Oh well, Detective Beckett, if only you would have said something. It would have been a pleasure for me to knock you up back then."

She softly slapped her hand against his chest and shot him a brief but intense glare. "Shut up." Her eyes wandered down again, but her palm remained on his chest, her index finger circling one of the buttons of his shirt.

"You've done a good enough job already." He chuckled and pulled her into his arms. Kate rested her head against his shoulder, and for the first time in days, she felt almost safe again. He pressed a soft kiss into her hair.

"I did, didn't I?" He remained still for a moment, considering if his next words could be too much, could scare her away once more. But he couldn't help it, he needed to get them out.

"Kate, I am very happy." He whispered, thinking that if he said it so quietly, it would maybe be less frightening to her. She didn't answer right away, and he almost started to regret saying it when he heard her mumbling against his chest.

"You promise we can do this? And you won't let me screw it up?" A grin spread over his lips as he pressed them to her head once more, pulling her even closer.

And he didn't say it just to calm or reassure her. He meant it. Kate stayed quiet again, and he didn't expect her to say anything more. He was just happy to get to hold her and savor this moment that marked the beginning of their family, how surprising and shocking it might have come.

"I am happy to." Her voice was so quiet he almost missed it. Surprised, he pushed her from his body far enough to look at her. His smile met hers, and he couldn't help but notice that she looked different now. The fear had vanished from her face, her features looked clearer again. And he even caught a spark of the glow he loved so much returning to her eyes.

"At least a little." She added, her cheeks flushing slightly. His smile turned into a grin, and when he pulled her in to kiss her, he felt her lips curling into a wide smile against his, too. Holding her tight with one arm wrapped around her waist, his other hand found its way to her stomach, coming to rest right below her belly button.

The feeling of his palm against her stomach sent warm waves washing over Kate's body. But it wasn't the panicked heat she had experienced last night, alone in her bedroom. This feeling felt like comfort and safety, like love and home. She brought her hand to cover his and felt her heart fluttering in her chest.

This is crazy. Her brain tried to remember her, but she shut it off.

Yes, it was crazy. And frightening and overwhelming. But standing here wrapped in Castle's arms, feeling his pure happiness flowing into his kiss and his promising touch convincing her that they would be able to make this work, it was also beautiful.