It took close to 45 minutes to get out of rush hour traffic, to leave the city and pull onto a dirt road that was lit up by tiki torches. Up ahead, close to a mile in front of them, they could see the smoke from the open pit of the bonfire that floated up into the darkened sky. Erin isn't in the mood for this, she's 28 weeks pregnant, a little over six months and when she walks or stands for long periods of time, she gets a shortness of breath, she still isn't sleeping the best so her mood isn't perfect, her hormones are constantly fluctuating and she's experiencing leaky boobs which isn't the best look when in public. And not to mention, during the entire drive Kim was playing some random playlist on one of the many streaming services and every single song annoyed her.
It's not the best day to meet new people and make the best impression.
"My baby's the size of an eggplant," Erin informs after being told this at her appointment the day before, "but it feels like she's so much bigger than that. She only weighs a little over two pounds," she turns in the passenger seat to face her friend; the seat belt tightens because there's only so much material that can stretch across her stomach, "how is that possible when I've gained close to 20 pounds? And I'm expected to gain more. Pregnancy isn't all it's cracked up to be, pretty soon I won't be able to see my feet. My ankles are already swollen, Kim and my mom keeps coming over to elevate them. I had a pretty easy first trimester, my second trimester wasn't that bad either but this third one, Kimberly," Erin throws her head back and groans, "I'm only 28 weeks. I won't technically be 37 weeks full term for another nine weeks, but some women are pregnant for a total of 42 weeks. What am I going to do if I'm one of those women?"
"Erin," Kim reached over to pat her thigh, "you have to calm down. Stress isn't good for the baby; stress isn't good for you. You're about to meet the girlfriend, you need to cheer up."
"I promised Jay that I would make sure we hit it off or whatever but Kim, I'm going to be honest, I am not in the mood for all of this. It's March, it's humid and there are probably going to be bugs."
As Kim pulled into the lot, the dirt firm and settled under their tires as she placed the car in park, "I'm looking forward to meeting Jay. I kind of want to see what he looks like, I keep picturing a different person every time you tell me about him," Kim unbuckles her seatbelt before reaching over to unbuckle Erin's, "I'm hoping he's cute because if he's not then I'm worried about what your little gremlin will end up with in the looks department."
"You did not just call my baby a gremlin," Erin looks at her, mouth agape because seriously?
Kim throws her hands up in surrender, "The nickname works."
"No it doesn't."
"An adorable little ball of shine that turns wacko when you slack on your responsibilities. She's a gremlin," Kim reminded, thinking of the movie they watched together back in high school.
"Think it," Erin growled, throwing open the passenger side door, "Don't say it. I'd prefer not to lose my best friend over a minor disagreement." Kim meant it as a joke, she honestly would not have the kid growing up with the nickname gremlin. She just thought Erin deserved a laugh but maybe it wasn't the right joke. It backfired, "I'll stick to my other nicknames."
Erin's wearing a long sundress because the temperature was warm enough for it but maybe it wasn't the best idea because it's long and the last thing she wants to do is step on the bottom of it and fall. Kim seems to sense it too when she watches Erin grab some of the fabric and hold it up far enough so she wouldn't step on it, "Your hair has gotten longer," Kim wraps her arm through her best friend's arm before leading her towards the music and chatter, "I guess all pregnancy side effects aren't that bad, huh?" Her words only earned her a look from Erin, forcing her to add, "And your boobs are bigger, that's a big plus too."
"We should go and get this over with, we're already late."
"Fashionably late," Kim corrects, holding her best friend's arm a little tighter as they step down the three wooden steps, "it's a difference." She doesn't let go of Erin's arm even after they're on the flat surface, even as they walk through the dirt and the grass towards the fire and the lake. She's pretty overprotective of her despite her many hormones that have caused more than one argument between the two of them over the last week and a half.
"Hold on," Erin stops, she knows she's waddling but right now it's the only relief she has for her swollen ankles so she doesn't care, "who had the brightest fucking idea to do this in the middle of the night in a damn forest? I get there's a lake here and they had to get a permit and all of that crap but really, this is not the place a six-month pregnant woman should be venturing through. And I'm pretty sure at least one person on the planning committee has seen the plethora of horror movies out that suggest partying in the middle of the woods at night is a bad fucking idea." It was going to be very difficult to put on a smile but she promised she would be nice.
"How about we give it an hour? If you're not feeling up to it then we leave after the hour?"
Erin nods because she likes the sound of it. She collects her breath, the shortness of breath had come back after a few weeks of reprieve from it, and then she gathers the bottom of her dress so she doesn't trip over it while her other hand rests comfortably atop her rounded belly and then proceeds to follow Kim until they feel the heat of the fire.
"Do you think they have food?" Erin shouts over the music.
"What kind of party doesn't have food?" Kim rolls her eyes when she retorts.
"Oh good," Erin comes to a stop as she starts to scan the crowd, "because I'm starving."
"Do you want me to make you a plate?" She expects the response to come from Burgess but when it doesn't, she quickly turns around to see Jay, he's holding a red cup of what she assumes is an alcoholic beverage and he's smiling at her. It's such a kind grin that draws her eyes into his gaze and forces her to give him a matching smile. Maybe it wouldn't be too hard to smile since his mere presence drew such a genuine one out of her.
Jay moves forward, shifting his drink to his nondominant hand before extending the hand the drink was formerly in, "Jay Halstead," he says by way of introduction to her best friend.
"Hi," Kim whispers, extending her own hand to shake his, "I'm uh…"
Erin nudges her with her elbow, "That's Kim, my best friend." She turns to her friend, and speaking below the music she says, "Don't act all shy now." Her friend had always had a hard time talking to a handsome guy; she stutters, her palms get sweaty and she rambles. It's always how Erin could tell if her friend found a guy attractive and apparently, she found Jay attractive.
Halstead doesn't appear to notice, his attention on Erin the entire time as he steps forward, "the uh, the revenue tax specialist, I have no idea his name, but he's been manning the grill and he definitely knows what he's doing. He can definitely grill a mean steak."
"It sounds really good," she starts and it appears that he's about to turn around to go make her a plate before her next words stop him, "but I don't think the kid wants that. Maybe a burger?"
"Any toppings?"
"All of them."
"Sides?"
Erin shrugs, "Surprise me."
Jay walks away, and Erin watches him go, only turning around moments later to be met with the smug grin of her best friend. She wasn't in the mood and she had every intention of voicing that but Kim managed to speak up first, "Your baby is going to be drop dead gorgeous."
Erin moved towards her, "There was never any question about that. I could tell he got the hot approval from you the second you could barely stutter your name," that remark earns an elbow to the side. And baby girl must have not approved either because it got a reactionary kick leading her to drop her hand to the assaulted area and gently caress the spot, "I don't think my kid appreciates you hitting her mother."
"Well then, she'll just have to come out here and tell me that herself."
Silently, the two of them turned to watch as Jay finishes off his drink before reaching for a paper plate to start piling food onto it for Erin; he's taking his time looking over every side offered, debating whether or not she would like it before deciding on two that were too far away from them to be able to tell what it is, "Aren't we here for you to meet the girlfriend," Erin nods to answer Kim's question, "so why are we currently watching the boyfriend of said girlfriend make your plate? I'm pretty sure if she knew what he was doing, she wouldn't appreciate it."
"Don't make this out to be something it's not."
"What?" Kim innocently replied.
"I'm doing him a favor by coming here. He probably just doesn't want to inconvenience me."
That was definitely a possibility. And there were no right or wrong answers between them considering the only person who knew the actual reason was Jay. Kim reaches for Erin's hand and starts to lead her to one of the empty benches, "Do you know what she looks like? Maybe we can watch her from a distance," that draws a laugh out of her friend, "you're currently laughing but I was so serious. We need to see what we're getting ourselves into…"
"…and how would watching her from a distance do that?"
"I don't know but it's always good to observe the opposition."
"You're ridiculous, you know that," Erin rolled her eyes before readjusting herself on the bench, "and besides, I don't know what she looks like," she stands up, "I think I'm going to settle on standing because that thing is doing numbers on my back."
"It's not that uncomfortable."
"Well when you're six months pregnant I'll personally drive you out here myself to see if you want to still stand by that statement."
Kim gets up too, choosing to join her in standing as some sort of solidarity maneuver. She couldn't imagine how uncomfortable her best friend currently was; she's been having backpains and Kim tries not to react to her ankles looking like swollen meatballs but every time Erin stands on her feet, Kim cringes. She doesn't even want to think about how that feels on her poor feet.
"I think I spot her," Erin mutters, trying to contain her growing desire to turn and head back to the car as fast as a backache, swollen ankles, a six-month pregnant belly and her shortness of breath would let her. She wouldn't make it far. And she's hungry so if she has to pick a reason to stick around, the plate that Jay is carrying over is reason enough.
"I thought you didn't know what she looks like."
"I don't," Erin reaffirms, rocking side to side on her feet, "but I'm assuming she's the girl walking towards us beside Jay," she nods towards the couple. And Burgess straightens her posture. Erin doesn't care to do so because it'll only hurt her back even more. If anything, she wishes to kick off the sandals because while they were comfortable the first hour she wore them, now they're starting to be painful and very restrictive to her swelling feet.
Erin watches as their distance grows closer and closer and her hand naturally starts to gravitate towards her swollen belly. She sees Abby's eyes. She could tell that she's staring at her stomach and Erin kind of feels bad about the obvious elephant in the room. Erin is expected to play nice, to be cordial but a friendship isn't expected to occur and that comforts her growing anxiety. She's not here to become friends with Abby, she's just here to meet the woman who may potentially have a role in her daughter's life. She doesn't know her and she doesn't ask many questions regarding Jay's relationship with her. She'll have to trust him to know what's best for him.
"Erin," he gets to her, Abby acts shy beside him, staring down at the sand mixed with the grass below their feet, "I have your plate," he doesn't make an attempt to hand it to her yet because he follows his last statement with an introduction, "and I have my girlfriend. This is Abby."
This is the moment that all of the past conversations with Jay, the worries he had over the two of them meeting were coming to fruition. They were finally meeting each other and Erin was going to do everything to keep her word, to play nice and that shouldn't be hard to do considering Abby hasn't done anything to her, if anyone has a right to be mad it's Abby, "Hi," Erin extends her hand, "I'm Erin, and this," she nods towards Burgess, "is my best friend, Kim."
"Abigail," she says by way of greeting, taking Erin's hand in her hold and shaking with such careful precision that has Erin thinking that maybe she practiced this, "um, yeah," she holds in the typical follow-up of it's nice to meet you because that may not be the next best thing to say. It's no secret that the only reason they're meeting each other is because Jay got her pregnant and for the poor woman's sake, she wasn't going to draw too much attention to that significant detail.
With their hands shaking, a little longer than what societal standards deem acceptable, Erin lets the woman cling to her palm. Her eyes are focused on Erin's stomach, and the more her pupils dilate, the harder she starts to grip her hand inevitably forcing Erin to snatch her hand away. She keeps a calm face and a forced smile, holding the peace for Jay's sake as Abby turns to shake Kim's hand, "Nice to meet you," she says it to Kim but Erin isn't bothered by it because now Jay is finally handing her the plate of food he made for her.
"This looks and smells great," Erin gushed, carefully lowering herself back to the uncomfortable bench so she can actually enjoy her meal sitting and not standing, "thank you Jay," she looks up to meet his eyes, noticing the true sense of joy in them, "and thank you for painting the nursery. I really appreciate it, the color you picked out," because yes she let him choose it, "is beautiful."
"Erin, you don't have to thank me," he reassured, smirking the second her eyes fell upon her plate and widened as big as saucers, "I'm just glad you let me pick out the color and besides I didn't want you smelling the paint fumes anyway. I'll be over later this week to put the crib together."
Abby silently watches them interact and Kim silently watches her, "…the changing table and rocking chair were delivered yesterday so can you put those together too?"
"Of course. I was also thinking about picking up some white shelves from Home Depot and maybe putting them up in her closet."
"Yeah, that'll be great."
Her attention was drawn back to her burger stuffed high with all of the condiments. It was a bit difficult taking her first bite considering the condiments made the burger stand wide and her mouth could hardly wrap around it. But, she managed. She ate all of it, including the baked beans and the corn on the cob. All of it was delicious and no one, not Kim, Abby or Jay, left her surroundings while she ate, "You were right about the guy on the grill. Kim you have to make yourself a plate."
Her friend wanted to but she was a bit hesitant to leave her side. It took Erin squeezing her hand in reassurance, looking into her eyes to let her know that she'll be okay for the few minutes that she's gone for her to go. Jay will be here. And she doubts that her and Abby would start fighting, Abby's job is hosting this shindig and the last thing that'll look good for her is fighting with a pregnant woman. Abby, now sitting next to her and not once taking her eyes off her belly questions, "How far along are you?"
She dabs the corner of her mouth with the napkin that was folded up and handed to her beneath her plate, "Six months."
"Wow," Abby smirks, "You look like you're ready to pop any day now."
She ignores that remark because she doesn't look like she's about to pop. She still has months left to her pregnancy and she looks the size that she's supposed to look. Her doctor measured her belly at her last appointment and everything is growing according to plan. And to be honest, if she stayed this size until month nine then she wouldn't mind it as much, it's knowing that she's going to get even bigger than this that has her anxiety blowing through the roof.
"Abby, how about we go get ourselves something to drink?"
"Oh, can you bring me a soda?" She doesn't look over to him because she expects for him to nod and walk away, silently agreeing to her bidding because she thinks it's what she deserves.
"I was thinking you could join me."
"You made Erin a plate," she reminded and for the first time since they met, she pulls her eyes away from her stomach, "the least you can do is bring me a soda."
His eyes avert to hers because he doesn't feel comfortable leaving the two of them alone together, even if for a few minutes, but Erin reassures him with the slight tilt of her lips. She's a big girl. They don't need a chaperone so Jay tucks his hands in his pockets and slowly backs away, eyes on her the entire time until he's forced to turn around when he bumps into somebody, "What do you do for a living? You probably already know so much about me but I don't know anything about you."
"I'm a social worker."
"Are you from Chicago?"
Erin nods and leans over to the side to dump her plate in the trash. She manages to do so without getting out of her seat, "Yeah, born and raised."
"That's pretty cool," Abby tries to smile at her but it's difficult for her to do so, this is weird and what makes it even weirder is she's trying to act like it's not weird at all, "You're pretty nice," she says and Erin gears to open her mouth to say thank you when Abby continues, "It's hard to believe that you're still single," she shrugs. And now they may possibly be approaching unchartered territory that she wishes Jay and Kim were around to steer them away from.
"I'm just not looking to be in a relationship. I like being single."
"…because of the baby?"
Both of their eyes fall down to Erin's stomach, forcing her to cradle it in some effort to find comfort and the energy to even continue this conversation, "Um, that's a small part of it. I liked being single even before the baby was conceived though."
"I like that you don't care how you come across to people. Not many women are comfortable being single and pregnant by a man that doesn't want them," Abby gives her a shallow smile, "I just find it a little funny," she notes sarcastically, "that you wanting to be single didn't stop you from screwing my man multiple times. Maybe you just want to be single because the man you like is in love with another woman?" Abby sits and stares at her smugly as if she just one upped her in some way.
"It was just one night. And I'm not going to argue with you over Jay. He's your boyfriend, I don't want him."
"…because you've already had him?"
"Look lady," Erin sits up straighter, "I'm really trying to be nice but you're not making it easy. I don't want your boyfriend. We're just friends who will eventually raise a kid together. That's all so there's no need for you to feel threatened by little ol'me."
"All I'm saying is you're such a catch. It's hard to believe that you can't find a man."
Erin doesn't know if that's meant to be a compliment or not but because she even has to question the motive and meaning behind that compliment, she's starting to believe that it's leaning more so towards the not, "I'm going to go get myself something to drink."
"If you had a boyfriend maybe he could have gotten it for you?" She says it in the sweetest voice ever but the look on her face has Erin weary.
Abby watches her walk -more like waddle- away, holding the bottom of her sundress to make sure she didn't fall over and there's nothing she can do to stop the tears from silently falling down her face. She doesn't want anyone to know she's crying. These are her coworkers at the bonfire, not her friends, she doesn't have any and she has no interest in changing that. Using the bottom of her palm, she practically drags her hand down her face to get rid of the tear tracks but it wasn't working because the tears kept coming especially as she's forced to sit here and stare at that obnoxiously large pregnant belly. It's like it's taunting her, constantly reminding her of what they did.
Jay brings her a can soda and disappears seconds later to go grab himself a beer.
In the darkness, with the only source of light coming from the tiki torches and the fire pit that warms the attendees at the bonfire, she stares ahead, unable to draw her eyes away. She watches her. Eyes filled with passion, with jealousy, with a fire that makes the one in the pit look small, dull and subdued. She stands up because she's too worked up to remain seated. Erin was nice enough, but still Abby couldn't wrap her mind around her. She'll need time but that's normal for anyone in her predicament. She met her almost half an hour ago and this is the fourth time she's stared at her across the field and every time she looks, Erin's hands gravitate to her swollen belly.
It's like she's doing it on purpose.
Abby knows, she just knows that she's doing it on purpose.
And in an effort to catch the tears before they fall from her eyes again, she turns away and walks off, dragging her feet like a petulant child. She starts to palm her face, rubbing the bottom of her palm against her cheeks to catch the tears as she storms off to another bench that's much further away, "Abby," he calls her name and she's forced to stop only a few feet away from the seat.
"Where are you going?" She can hear him approach her from behind.
"I'm going to take a seat. My feet are hurting," she lies.
And he hears the shakiness in her voice, forcing him to gently grab her shoulder and nudge her to turn around, "What's wrong?" He sees the tear streaks on her face. And both of them know how much he hates to see someone crying; it never fails to tug at his heartstrings.
"Nothing. I'm fine."
"You're running off and you're crying. That doesn't sound like fine to me."
She hears her laugh. It's like she's purposely laughing loud. She wants Abby to hear her laugh, to know how happy she is living the life that Abby is supposed to live, it's like she knows how to get under her skin. Her eyes avert over his shoulder and he slightly turns around to follow her gaze, "Is it Erin? I knew it was too soon for you guys to meet. This was a bad idea."
"That should be my baby she's carrying," she says it so low that he doesn't pick up on one word that she whispered, "…my baby."
"What was that?" He tilts his head. His eyes are filled with concern because he knows just how mentally fragile she is. He's starting to worry about her. He's always worried about her ever since she made that suicidal threat weeks ago.
And she repeats herself, much louder this time, "That should be my baby she's carrying," he looks at her; he really looks at her and it makes her take a step back before she adds, "and you know it."
"All I know," his face breaks; it's like he's been holding himself together this entire night, he was so focused on making sure the meeting between Abby and Erin didn't end in blood being spilled that he's barely had a chance to process his own thoughts and feelings, "All I know Abby is that I didn't...or I don't want any kids. We both knew this. And this whole mess, this pregnancy, wasn't done on purpose. Neither one of us wanted this. If we could go back and do things to avoid this, we would, but we can't. I'm going to be a dad. Erin's going to be a mom. And it's something that neither one of us wanted but it's something that we have to deal with."
He doesn't mean to sound so detached but he's trying. Just like Erin, who claims she has no maternal bone in her body, is trying to feel some type of attachment to the baby. And while she's six months along, the two of them have come a long way considering he feels more towards the baby now than he did when he first found out about the pregnancy. Jay runs his hand down his face to rub out the stress lines before adding, "I'm stepping up, Abs. I'm trying to do what's right."
"Do you know how hard it is to watch a woman carry my boyfriend's baby? To know that you don't want kids but you're having one with another woman."
"Why do you want to be with me if the thought of what I did causes you this much pain?" He doesn't want to have this conversation here, not now, not when her coworkers are drinking and having fun and Erin is currently sitting on the grassiest spot on the ground that she could find.
"…because I love you and when you love someone, you're willing to fight for them."
"I'm sorry Abs, I know I hurt you but I'm honestly getting tired of apologizing for the same thing over and over again. I said I'm sorry but apologizing isn't going to erase any of this."
"I know," she retorts. She's trying to mask the frustration on her face, to hold up the smile so her coworkers won't think that she's arguing with her boyfriend, "I know that and I told you to stop apologizing. You've apologized enough but you know someone who hasn't apologized," she looks over his shoulder and her eyes meet Erin's gaze, the two of them smile at each other and it's the fakest display of camaraderie that the two of them ever tried to portray, "your little baby mama over there. She gets pregnant by my boyfriend, keeps trying to draw attention to her stomach by constantly rubbing it, keeps trying to steer your attention away from me, keeps trying to make me jealous and even has the nerve to come to my work event and act like she's some sort of angel."
"You invited her," Jay reminds.
But that doesn't seem to be the best response to have, "I know that, Jay, I'm not arguing that point. I invited her to give her the opportunity to look me in my eyes and apologize. She couldn't even be woman enough to do that," he opened his mouth to argue, to potentially defend Erin and Abby raised her hand to silence him before he even had the chance, "I don't want to debate that here of all places. I want to enjoy the company of my coworkers," he solemnly nods, mouth twisted up as he suppresses the urge to argue her earlier remark, "So for the time being, can you just ask her not to flaunt it around me? I know she's pregnant. It's no hiding it so it's pointless of her to keep trying to intentionally draw attention to it." Abby stomps off; the sand, dirt and grass flying up under her feet from the weight of her footsteps as she walks off to stand closer to the fire.
All he wants to do is keep the peace. Abby had led him to believe that by inviting Erin here she would try and be cordial for the sake of his daughter. But, the only reason she wanted her here was to have Erin grovel and ask for forgiveness. He hasn't known Erin as long as he's known Abby but he already feels like he knows her better. He knows her enough to know that she'll never do that especially when none of this is her fault. She was a single woman in the bar that night. He was a man, on a break in a relationship, a break that had unclear lines and parameters and he left out to hook up with her because she was the opposite of Abby, she was a woman far out of reach and reality for him until he had her. And now he'll always have her. Not in the sense of a romantic relationship but a friendship, a co-parenting relationship that he hopes would only strengthen with time.
He gets to Erin; she's still sitting on the ground in the spot he saw her in earlier. She's facing the lake, watching the calmness of it shine below the moonlight. Her body shifts when he takes a seat beside her, shoulder brushing hers in the process, "What's that you're drinking?" He initiates the topic of a conversation that Erin is pretty sure is not the one he's truly interested in.
She glares down into her red cup before whispering, "Lemonade." This night, in all the nights she's went through while pregnant, was the night that she craved alcohol. She needed a drink, a strong one. It's the least she deserves after the first half an hour here. Jay stares at her cup before reaching over to take it from her hand, "Heyyy," she exclaims when he takes a small sip, she slaps his arm and snatches her drink back as he laughs. It's melodic. It's nice. And it's something that she wouldn't mind hearing more often.
"Can you believe this is real?" She doesn't have to ask him to clarify because his head nods towards her belly. And it's her turn to laugh, to smile so hard that her dimples are showing.
"Kind of…" her cup is balanced on the grass and both of her hands go to her stomach, "mostly because my stomach is a constant reminder and our little soccer star kicks me every time she thinks I might forget about her." It's like her daughter knows that she's the subject of the conversation because at the mention of her, she sends a hard kick to the side of Erin's stomach.
Her face scrunched up and she presses her fingers against the area to rub and caress the spot that was struck by little miss spitfire, "Is she kicking now," Erin bites her lip and nods while continuously rubbing that same spot, "Can I touch it?" He sounds so innocent, so harmless.
"…my stomach?"
"Yeah," he nods.
"Of course," she reaches for his hand and brings it closer before pressing it against the newest spot that their daughter just kicked, "you don't always have to ask. It's your baby too and I want you to enjoy all of this just as much."
And while the two of them are caught up in such bliss brought to them by their daughter kicking against the side of her belly, Abby watches, sipping on her own cup of lemonade as she tries to hold in her growing emotions towards the scene. If she were honest with herself, she'd know that a large part of her had wanted Erin to come to the bonfire just to see how the two of them interact with each other. She didn't like the assumptions that her brain was starting to make. This wasn't right. This wasn't fair. And absentmindedly, Abby clenches her cup full of lemonade and it squeezes in her grip causing the contents to shoot out and splash on her shirt and spill down her face. That's just her luck. She grunts and forces herself to pull her eyes away only to meet the eyes of Erin's best friend who had been watching her, "Everything okay?"
Abby doesn't even bother responding. She grunts, turns on her heels and stomps off to fetch herself some napkins to wipe her face and blouse. Kim is pulled back into the conversation with the man in charge of grilling the food and the receptionist at the accounting firm. The night drifts on and Erin remains seated on the ground next to Jay, she finished her lemonade at some point but she didn't have to go thirsty for too long because he disappeared for a few seconds to return with a bottled water. She chuckled as she unscrewed the cap because of course he would bring her water, he's about to slowly morph into her mother if he starts to question her diet.
"Are you comfortable?" His voice fills the night despite the loud blasting music behind them.
"No but that just comes with the pregnancy," she waves it off because there is literally nothing he can do in this moment to change that.
Jay looks over his shoulder, spotting Abby distracted for the first time this night by making herself a plate and chatting with one of her coworkers. His mind goes to their earlier conversation and he feels torn between two worlds that are pulling him in different directions and he didn't know what to do about it. What can he do about it? And she can tell that he wants to talk about something and the way he's biting his lip lets her know that running through his mind are different ways it could be brought up, "So, what's up?" She's never been a patient person. She didn't have the time to wait around for him to decide on how to broach the subject with her.
His hands rested flat behind him and he leans back to look up at the sky, choosing to focus on that instead of Erin as he replies, " Do you think you can just try to get along a little better with Abby?" That comment made her head immediately swivel in his direction.
"I just met her. I was nice. She was snooty."
"She thinks you're trying to flaunt your belly around her."
"I'm six months pregnant. How am I supposed to hide it?" She exclaims because all of this is starting to get ridiculous but when Jay shrugs his shoulders, she looks away from him and starts to glance around, "Well then how about we ask Abby since she's the one that has a problem with it. You don't have to do her dirty work, Jay."
"Let's just," he sighs because this night was beginning to go down in the way he feared, "Let's just forget I said anything. The last thing I want is for you to get upset. Getting worked up isn't good for the baby," he pulled his eyes away from the moon to shine down upon her stomach, "You have to stay calm, Er." It's the first time he's called her that. Not many people call her that and it actually sounds pretty nice coming from him.
"I am calm, Jay," she folds her legs and rests the water bottle in the center of her thighs, "She's been dishing out backhanded compliments all night. I'm done being nice, I tried, I failed, but I actually think tonight was a success. We met and we didn't argue or pull each other's hair out."
"True," he gives in because that is a positive outlook on all of this.
She rests her hands upon her swollen ankles, legs remained folded and crisscrossed, "so, with that said I don't think we need to ever meet again," he looks up to meet her eyes, "she can do her thing and I'll do mine, but we'll probably never be friends, Jay. Don't get your hopes up if that's what you were expecting out of all of this."
"I wasn't asking you to befriend her."
"…then what did you want out of all of this?"
"For you two to meet," he lists off, "for you to know her and feel comfortable enough that if I were to pick up the baby, you wouldn't worry about her safety when I take her to my place."
"Let's not get ahead of ourselves just yet," she chuckled but she suppressed the urge to laugh even harder because she didn't want him to take offense; it's not Jay, honestly, it's not, it's Abby, "You should probably go back to your girlfriend. I'm sure she doesn't appreciate all of this extra time you're spending with me."
"She's going to have to get used to it," he noticed that Erin was trying to stand up but the slippery sand and her belly were making it difficult, "I'm not going anywhere and neither are you, and besides we're friends, at least that's what I like to think of us as," he hops up quickly to assist her; his hands reaching out to take both of hers to pull her up to her feet, "It's nothing wrong with hanging with friends."
Erin begins brushing the sand off the back of her dress, "In her defense, how many friends have you had sex with? How many of them have you seen naked? How many of them have you gotten pregnant?" He can see the point she's making, "I was planning to stay for about an hour. I've stayed longer than that, come on," she waves for him to follow, "let's go find Kim and then walk us to the car?" She poses it as a question and he nods to answer; he'll probably honestly do anything that she ask of him, "good, there's something I want to give you."
Erin's honestly surprised that Kim hadn't sought her out and hovered over her for their entire time at the bonfire. She found her friend -well actually Jay found her- talking or more like hitting it off with the staff auditor and the finance director and now it all makes sense on why Erin hadn't seen her friend since she walked off to grab some food. The goodbyes were brief, more so because they didn't know these people or even meet majority of them. Jay is quick with letting Abby know that he'll be right back and even if she doesn't look completely okay with it, she doesn't bring that to his attention. He's at her side in seconds and he takes her left arm as Kim takes her right, "I'm not a toddler. I don't need the two of you holding me like it's my first-time walking."
"We know that," Kim laughs, "but it's a bunch of branches and twigs and rocks and many other things that can make you fall and the last thing any of us needs is for you to fall on that precious belly of yours. So, can you really blame us for being extra cautious?"
Her friend has a point but she doesn't tell her that. Instead, without argument, she lets them guide her back to the parking lot and they only release her arm when she's literally at the passenger side door, "Thank you for the escort," she says to the two of them. And the second Kim unlocks the car door, Erin reaches inside to the glove compartment and grabs something small, something that's hidden in her hand and she doesn't want Burgess to see this because she'll just tease her about it later so Erin grabs Jay's hand and pulls him off to the side until they're hidden behind two large trees, "Don't read too much into this, okay?" She starts off and that comment only forces his eyebrows to furrow; he's rightfully confused, "I want you to have this," she opens her palm to show him two keys, "they go to the top and bottom lock at my apartment," and now she's growing nervous because the idea of it all made sense until now, the moment she's forced to tell him why she's giving him keys to her place, "I just thought with you putting together furniture that you shouldn't have to wait for me to be free. You can just do it on your day off instead of trying to sync your schedule with mine. And I know that you've bought more things, you mentioned through text this morning that you picked up a few boxes of diapers and some onesies you thought were cute and you've been wanting to take them out the trunk of your car for the longest and I don't want you to have to wait for me to be home to drop things off for the baby. You've met Milo, he likes you a little bit more now so he's no threat to you and-"
Erin stops talking when his hands rest on her shoulders. She forgets her next words because she's looking up at him, wide-eyed and mouth still agape as he smiles at her, "You don't have to explain your decision," his hands slide down her shoulders, down her arms all the way to her hands, "I trust that you've thought this through, Er," and there he goes calling her that nickname again. It's so oddly satisfying to hear it come out of his mouth.
"I gave you a key but that doesn't mean use it whenever."
He smiles upon hearing that. And neither one of them comment on the fact that they're still holding hands, his thumbs running up and down the back of them, "It's only to drop things off or to put furniture together," he lists the unspoken rules and she kindly smiles, lightly squeezes his hands, and whispering exactly before Kim is honking the car horn causing for both of them to startle back, stepping away and releasing each other's hands, "I should get back to the party."
"I should go," she points her thumb over her shoulder in the direction of the parking lot.
"Text me when you get home."
"I will," she slowly backs away before turning around. Head ducked down and smiling and not noticing the silhouette of Abby in the background, watching them from the distance, Erin makes her way to Kim's car before sliding inside and shutting the door.
"So, what was that all about?" Kim puts the car in reverse and backs out of her parking spot.
"It's," Erin looks out of the window into the darkened night; they need to light the parking lot up better, it's absolutely too dark, "nothing, honestly it's nothing at all."
Kim reaches over, hand settling on Erin's knee and she squeezes, "Just be careful."
"You're overthinking things, Kim. Let's talk about something else and not make assumptions off of whatever wild possibilities are currently floating around in that head of yours."
Kim gave her leg one final squeeze before bringing that hand up to join her other one on the steering wheel, "Okay," her fingers tap a rhythmic beat into the leather of the steering wheel as she thinks about what to discuss on their long trek back into the city, "I saw you reading a pamphlet on childbirth at work the other day," Kim starts the topic of a conversation she's been meaning to bring up over the last three days, "and I know the thought of it has you worked up even though it's months away. I was thinking that maybe to keep your mind off of it I could throw you a baby shower. I think it would be nice and it'll give you something to look forward to."
"I actually like that idea," Erin leans her seat back as far as it could go.
"We can have all of your favorite food. You can make a baby gift registry. Your mom and I can decorate. We can invite a few coworkers, Jay, play a few games. It'll be fun."
Just the thought of it all has Erin nodding, she never pictured herself having a baby shower more so because she never pictured herself having a baby but now that the option is there and Kim wants to take the reins and plan it all, she starts to imagine it. The decorations, the guests, the food, her belly, her parents and suddenly the smile on her face drops, "My parents," Erin suddenly sits up even though her seat is still leaned back, "my parents will be there."
"Well duh," Kim snickers, "it is the baby shower for their grandbaby."
Erin shakes her head to silence her friend, "No, Jay and I still haven't told my parents."
"It's not like the baby shower is tomorrow. You have time but you really need to talk to Jay as soon as possible to discuss when and how you'll tell them. The last thing you want is for them to find out either in the delivery room or from someone else. I know it's scary but you seriously need to tell them Erin. The longer you wait then the worse their reaction will be."