It's such a nice day, the perfect day to walk the streets, to venture into the baby boutique that Erin drives by every time she heads to work. She's always made a mental note to visit and it isn't until today that she actually gets the chance. And when Jay finds out her plans the night before, he uses his lunch break to join her, stepping down the outside stairs of the precinct, looking both ways before crossing the street and jogging towards his cruiser. It doesn't take him long to get there and when he parks and walks up to the boutique, he already finds her waiting outside.
"I hope you weren't waiting long."
Erin snickered, "On these feet," she points down to her swollen feet, "not a chance."
"Good," he smiles, reaching around her to pull open the front door, "ladies first."
"Ah, such a gentleman," she enters.
"Well, what can I say? I have to show my daughter the respect she should receive from a man," the bell above the door signals their arrival and when the door shuts, they're met with greetings from the cashier.
"If you need any help finding anything, just call for me. I'm Cara."
Jay grabs the basket that Erin had lifted, offering to hold it while she takes the lead in browsing the aisles. She doesn't put up much of an argument because between the pain in her feet and in her back, she didn't need her hand to start hurting from gripping a basket for so long. She leads him to the furthest aisle, there were only four since this was a simple, small baby boutique, nothing mainstream, noting national. He stands behind her, silently watching as she grabs things and tosses it into the basket he's holding, -baby nail clippers, baby thermometer, two sets of pink plastic hangers for the closet, changing pad and two changing pad covers with one being white and gray and the other being white and pink. So much stuff, this is all so overwhelming for him. And when Erin drops another item into the basket, he grabs it to read the label, "A bulb syringe for suctioning mucus, why do we need this," his face scrunches up in both confusion and disgust.
Erin pulls her eyes away from the different brands of baby laundry detergent to look over at him. He looked absolutely adorable, disgust on his face and all, "It literally says why we need it on the package," she chuckles, walking over to him to take it from him, "see, right here, it says it's usually used to gently suction mucus out from your baby's nose," she tosses it back into the basket and then looks up at him, "Jay, you might not know this but babies can't blow their own nose."
"Ha ha," he says dryly, pulling a dimpled smile to her face before walking over to the last items she was looking at before he called her over with his question, "do babies honestly need their own laundry detergent? This all just seems like a way for retailers to get parents to spend more money."
"I'm about to be a new mom so it's expected of me to buy more for the baby than she'll probably need. I read that it isn't necessary unless she has allergies or sensitive skin. We don't know and I prefer to not risk my baby breaking out in hives and rashes to find out. I think the doctor can check for stuff like that and when we get the green light then I'll use regular detergent for her clothes."
She grabs one jug of infant laundry detergent that suddenly weighs down the basket he's holding, "I think we're going to need another basket soon."
And as if Cara had heard them, she says, "you can leave that one at the counter and grab another."
"We have two aisles to go so yeah we're going to need another basket," Erin pats his chest before smiling and walking further down the aisle, stopping in front of the many baby ointments. And by the time Jay has returned to her side with an empty basket, she's scrolling through her phone and looking up and down at the creams, "What's that you're reading?"
"I'm looking at this list of the best ointment to get," she reaches for one of the boxes, "this one is highly recommended," she throws it into the basket before leading him down the next aisle.
With her non-dominant hand falling to rub against the top of her belly, the other hand casually grabs a variety of items, ranging from a few onesies, pants and maybe more coats than their kid would actually need but Erin seemed to be having fun and he wasn't going to be the one to ruin it for her, "Aren't we going to need more clothes than that for her?" He glances through each article of clothing, all in different designs and different sizes, "and why didn't you get the same size?"
Erin browses through the baby carriers, "My mom said babies grow so fast that it's best to just buy a bunch of different size onesies," she chose a basic black one and tossed it into the basket, "and she said babies rarely come out fitting the actual newborn size onesie so it's best to stock up on sizes that are months down the line versus stocking up on sizes that she'll grow out of in a week or two," Erin approaches the mobiles that hang above the crib and slowly she looks back and forth between the different designs and the rest of the space left in the basket, "it's not going to fit."
And all Jay can do is smile and shake his head, "Which one do you want?" Once she points out the one that'll match the nursery colors perfectly, he sets the basket down, lifts the box up and carries it over to the counter to sit next to their first basket. And by the time he returns back to Erin's side, there's another box beside the basket he set down, only this one has a pack n' play design on it, "I hope you didn't pick this one up." It was entirely too big.
"No need to get worked up," she chuckled, hand falling to rest on his chest as she moved past him, "I didn't pick it up. I pushed it. It was on the bottom shelf, I pulled it out and pushed it."
He doesn't argue. He simply bends low to lift it up and if Erin enjoys the view of his jeans tightening, his muscles bulging as he grips the box and his arm tattoos looking even more pronounced then no one needs to know. Considering that he has to get back to work eventually, she doesn't take too long in walking the last aisle, only grabbing a sunshade for the car window, a rattle, a breast pump and a few burp clothes all ranging in shades of light pink to gray before she follows behind to the register. And when the price is totaled and announced, both of them reach for their cards, leaving Cara confused as to whose card she should take, "I'll pay, Erin."
"It's fine, Jay. I got it. I picked most of the stuff out anyway."
"It's for my kid, I don't mind paying."
She was so stubborn, "I don't mind paying either. I've been saving up."
"How about we split it in half?"
And that's not a bad idea and when Erin looks to Cara, the cashier simply smiles, "I can split it in half if that's what the two of you would prefer." Once it's agreed, she presses a few buttons behind the register before swiping his card, completing his half of the transaction before swiping hers.
Jay had it made up in his mind that he would simply make three trips to Erin's car to bring all of the bags, but when Erin started to grab as many as her hands could carry and she walks out of the door before he could stop her, he looks over his shoulder at Cara, absolutely astonished by this woman's need to be so damn independent. He grabs the pack n' play box, carries that out to her car before going back in and grabbing the remainder, so his three trips turned into two with Erin's help, "This was a good first step in co-parenting," she pulls out her keys and pops the trunk, "half and half. I think that'll solve a lot of things where the baby is concerned."
And as he packed the boxes and bags into the trunk, he thought about what she just said. She wasn't wrong. She made a good point. Maybe that's what co-parenting is all about, both of them doing their fair share, splitting the tasks and the costs down the middle but in the deep recesses of Jay's mind, he knows it'll never truly be fair, not with the baby living with her, not when her bills will be higher because she has to run more water, or more electricity, or wash clothes more often or whatever other expenses that increase with the birth of a baby and he can't knock the feeling that while she's happy now, almost overjoyed, those feelings won't last long the second she feels like he isn't doing his fair share of the parenting.
"Get out of your head," she leans over to grab a bag to offer her assistance in packing the trunk.
"That's easier said than done."
She reaches for another bag but he grabs it before she can, "…then maybe you should share what has your face looking like that."
"My face," he looks taken aback, "you love this face," he jokes.
"I mean, it's alright," she plays off, nonchalantly, "it's not top ten but considering I'm having a baby with you, it'll do," her sarcasm is strong and she pats his cheek to add emphasis before using the distraction to her advantage and taking the bag from his hand. Stubborn, he thinks, smiling and shaking his head to grab for another item to pack away.
At 33 weeks, so many weeks of her pregnancy behind her and only a couple left in front of her typically leaves her feeling like a ball of nerves, a worry wart, a woman that collects way more pamphlets than she'll need every time she has a prenatal appointment. She has so many maternity clothes that have become her new wardrobe and it's going to feel so weird when it's time to get rid of them so maybe she'll keep a few of the sweatpants and sweatshirts, maybe a pair of the jeans with the elastic and definitely a pair of the leggings, but she's getting ahead of herself. She still has weeks to go, yet her due date feels like it's right around the corner.
Her maternity leave has already been planned with her employer.
She started the process of creating a baby registry.
Her apartment is stocked up on household and personal supplies, all she needs to do maybe a few days or a week before her due date is restock her kitchen. After her kid is born, she's probably going to become a hermit and stay indoors for as long as she can get away with it. And she finally did follow through on actually writing down a checklist on everything that needs to be done before the baby actually gets here. She just needs these next few weeks to slow down because she still has an entire page left on things that needs to be completed, and telling her parents about Jay, is the one that's at the top of her list.
"…and now you're the one that's in your head."
She blinks out of her reverie and looks around, noticing that all of the boxes and bags are now neatly organized and situated in the trunk. She thinks about his response from earlier, it's easier said than done, and it is because on one side of her head she's listening to Jay and on the other side, she's still thinking about her parents, running through every possible scenario that could realistically happen the second they drop the bombshell of her baby's paternity.
Jay slams the trunk of her car, startling her out of her reverie and then he turns around to face her, not even noticing that she had been lost in her thoughts again, "I'll stop by after work to bring this stuff up," he taps her trunk for emphasis, "I don't want you straining yourself."
"I can at least carry a bag or two," she twirls the ring of her keys around her finger.
"Yeah, but you don't need to be making multiple trips," his eyes fall down to her ankles, visibly large and definitely swollen, "I don't want you feeling any worse. I worry sometimes," he shrugs in his attempt to act as if it isn't a big deal. Well, it's a big deal to her. That's really sweet of him.
Her face grows serious at his kind words, "I appreciate you for thinking about me."
"I always think about you," and that may have come out wrong so he's quick to correct, "what I mean is, I uh, I can see the pregnancy taking its toll and the closer we get to your due date, the more you cross my mind. I always keep my phone volume up, expecting a call from you at any time either because you're in labor or you have a food craving."
"I've never called you for a food craving."
"…but you can if you want to," he's so sweet and Erin has to remind herself that he's a taken man, but when he looks at her with such kindness in his eyes, it makes it easy for her to forget.
"I might take you up on that offer."
"I hope you do."
A silent moment passes between them, not awkward, never awkward anymore since they've become friends but this moment is intense, it's filled with a sexual tension that's only been broken and acted upon once, many moons ago when their reason for coming together was conceived. Jay reaches to grab Erin's hand, holding it and smiling down at her large stomach when her other hand goes to rub it, "Is she kicking," when Erin nods, he takes his opposite hand to cover hers so they can feel it together.
"It's one of the best feelings in the world, isn't it?"
He always gets choked up at the thought that his baby is forming, growing and developing inside of her that he rarely wants to talk when in the middle of that moment. He opens his mouth to say something and she patiently waits to hear it, "I-" he gets distracted when their little girl kicks; she's extra active right now, "I just want to say," he blinks and then looks up from Erin's stomach to meet her eyes, "that I'm happy. For once I don't feel afraid of this," both of his hands cup her stomach, palms open and lying flat against her hardened, round belly, "for once, I don't feel so alone."
She moves towards him, wrapping her arms around him and it only takes a few seconds for him to wrap his own around her, drawing her further in -or as in as her stomach would allow. His head rested upon her shoulder, face in the direction of her neck as her own rested against his chest, enjoying the smell of his cologne. He wasn't bathed in it. It was just enough. And while propriety would have had their hug ending after the appropriate time as deemed by society, neither one of them moved to end it. He took in the scent of her hair. One of her hands ran up and down his back.
This was wrong but why did it have to feel so right.
Erin felt his soft breaths against her neck from where his head rests against her shoulder, it's a comforting feeling that she hasn't felt in so long, if ever. Her hormones were kicking her into overdrive, were making her thoughts irrational because every nerve-ending on her body was calling for him, wanted him to press her against her car and take her right here in the middle of broad daylight. And when she feels the gentle brush of his lips against her neck, it was starting to feel like he wanted the same thing. One of her hands remained rubbing up and down his back while the other moved to the front and without clarity but with so much boldness, she allowed her hand to brush over his crotch until she heard his breath stutter and felt his body tense, "Erin."
"It's okay," she whispers back. And a part of her expected him to pull out of the hug or at least to back his crotch away from her but when he simply pushed forward, pressing his crotch further against her palm, she smiled, cupping him as best as she can through the fabric of his jeans, "I've dreamed of this," she admits, rubbing her hand up and down until she felt him harden under her touch, "I've pictured this when I'm in the shower," with that same hand, she lowers his zipper and manages to get the buckle open, "I've imagined this when I'm lying in the bed," she doesn't pull down his pants because they're in public and while they're covered by her car, a street lamp and a parking meter, she still doesn't want to risk it. But, that didn't stop her from reaching her hand inside and cupping him, earning a strangled groan from his opened mouth, "and based on your reaction, I'm starting to think that you've imagined the same," he doesn't answer with a verbal response but the physical answer he provides is the nod of his head, "do you think about me when you're with her," now she's approaching unchartered territory as she moves her hand up and down his shaft, increasing the pressure and running her thumb over his tip, "does she ever get jealous that I'm the one you put a baby inside, that you're the only man who put a baby in me and I'm the only woman you put a baby in," at this point she doesn't know if he's listening or not because the speed of his breaths is increasing with each stroke and his body tenses up against her, "that's it, Jay, this has been a long-time coming, both figuratively and literally," and the moment he loses control, body relaxing against her as his load covers her hand in which her mouth helps itself to the second she pulls her hand out of his pants.
He's never done something like this before; he's never thought of even doing something like this yet here he is, with a woman that he wants to strip down but hesitates to do so with the thought of Abby breaking down in the back of his mind. He leans back against the trunk of her car because he didn't want all of his weight on her for such a long period of time. He struggles to collect his breath and clear his mind that the blissful haze of such a powerful climax has brought him, "I didn't think going baby shopping would end in something like this." This is wrong on so many levels. This is something he shouldn't be encouraging, he shouldn't be participating in.
"I've been sexually frustrated for weeks," she admits, moving closer to take charge and button his jeans back up before raising the zipper, "and while I haven't tried, I don't think many guys are interested in one night stands with a pregnant women," she notices one of the brows above his eye rises, "and I kind of figured it would be weird and you might be uncomfortable with me hooking up with someone while pregnant with your daughter. I don't really know how any of that works in conjunction with pregnancy and I really don't want to look it up because just the thought of it is weird enough but," she shrugs, taking a step back and putting as much distance between the two of them as possible out of fear that she'll drag him to the backseat of her car, "I'm sexually frustrated, basically horny, mainly because of these damn emotions and my lack of a sex life and seeing you," she looks up to meet his gaze, "those eyes, those arms, those tattoos, seriously you do not make it easy for me to contain myself. I've been holding back out of respect for your relationship and I got caught up in the moment. I won't say anything about this. We can pretend like it didn't happen if you want because I don't want to cause more problems between you two."
"I haven't slept with her in months." He doesn't know why he's telling her this.
And Erin tilts her head innocently at him, "…and why is that?" She can assume the answer and she'll probably be right but she doesn't. Instead, she waits and listens while cleaning up his release off her fingers with the swipe of her tongue. He had to look away. It was going to drive him insane if he doesn't, "Um, I…was just never in the mood."
"You were never in the mood," she doesn't know why she repeats his reasoning, maybe it's to process it, to convince herself or maybe it's because she knows that's a partial truth.
It's his turn to step closer to her, hands coming up and resting on her shoulders, squeezing reassuringly before smiling down at her, "We are the definition of a complicated relationship."
And that earns a hardy chuckle, mood changing from sexually charged to relaxed, "It's not like that's going to be happening on the regular, if anything, we had to get it out of our system. We owed it to ourselves to do that and now we're focused."
"…but," he looks down her body as if to imply his point, "I didn't get to return the favor."
And that doesn't help to keep the mood relaxed, she shuts her eyes and takes in a deep breath, thinking of puppies and babies and everything that will deter her from thoughts down another path, "If you weren't in a relationship, trust me, I would be taking you back to my place and riding you all night," upon hearing that he swallows hard, "but you are in a relationship and I don't know how I'm going to resist you forever because sharing a kid kind of means we're in each other's life forever, or at least until she's an adult," he begins running his hands up and down her arms, "I'm saying all of this with a clear mind but the next time I'm sexually frustrated I'll probably end up throwing caution to the wind," her head falls forward and rests against his chest, "your girlfriend is going to kill me. I've been the other woman in your relationship twice already."
"This isn't really on you," he reminds her, "because last time I checked, I'm the one with the girlfriend and I didn't stop you. I actually enjoyed it. Maybe a little too much…"
She lifts her head up to look at him to make sure he isn't lying, "You're telling the truth."
"Fuck Erin," he chuckles, "of course I am. I've been stressed as shit knowing that we're going to be telling your parents soon and I think that was the only thing that could calm me down."
He wants to kiss her but that may be going a step too far. Kissing seems way more personally intimate than what they just did. And he's still in a relationship, yet that didn't stop him from flirting with her, or holding her, or touching her. He needs to put some distance between them; he's already overstepped many boundaries but if he doesn't move away, he's afraid things will escalate and this time it'll be him to initiate it. So, despite the magnetic pull that he's been ignoring for the past few weeks, he drops his hands from her arms and steps away to grab her keys off the ground from where they apparently fell at some point. She surprisingly didn't even notice and she thanks him when he hands them over, "You know, Kim is planning my baby shower," he nods because she's already told him this, "and I want my parents to be there."
"So what you're saying is…"
"No more stalling," and the work that she's done to loosen him up is suddenly undone as their timeline to tell her parents is shortened, "We have to tell my dad."
Jay shoves his hands into his pockets, "Should we invite him to dinner?"
"No because then he'll be blindsided. He'll walk in and see us, he'll feel cornered. We need to do it on his turf where he's comfortable, where he thinks he has the control."
"…so, his house?
"No," Erin shoots down that idea even faster than his first one, "because he'll know something is up if you come to his house of all places. You won't even make it through the front door."
"…so, work?" It was his final guess. It was the only other option left.
"It's not the ideal place, but I'm thinking if I ask to speak to him privately, go in his office, have him sitting down and go from there we'll get a more contained response," she taps her chin as she pictures the way that idea will possibly go, "Don't get me wrong, he's going to be pissed no matter when or where we tell him but he's at work, he has to be at least somewhat professional."
"Didn't you want to invite your mom to come?"
"Yeah," and Erin slowly starts to pull her cell out, typing up a quick but vague message requesting for her mom to meet her at her dad's job before pocketing her phone.
"Wait," Jay's eyes practically bulge out of his head, "did you just text her now? We're planning to do this today? When was this decided?"
"I thought just now. We can't keep beating around the bush. We have to do this."
That was pretty much easy for her to say, "Your dad is going to kill me, not you."
"He wouldn't leave my baby fatherless," she rolls her eyes at his dramatics.
"I wouldn't give your dad too much credit."
It was hard for Erin to keep her hands to herself, to keep them at her side after the moment they just shared. Was she supposed to pretend like it didn't happen? Because that's such a farfetched expectation that she knows will be hard to accomplish. He seems to be struggling with the same thing, wanting to reach for her, share those small moments of touch that aren't truly innocent considering he has a girlfriend and Erin isn't her. This shouldn't be happening. She should stay far away from him especially when he's still in a relationship but he's just so irresistible that it feels nearly impossible to do. This is just so wrong, to want a taken man, is immoral and cruel despite how she feels about Abby. No one deserves to be cheated on. Regardless of what she thinks about Abby, regardless of their current standing with one another, she didn't deserve that, and it's those feelings that makes Erin regret touching him, regret bringing him to a release that he hasn't had in months. She looks down at her hand, the one that fit around him like a glove, like a puzzle piece, a perfect match it was and despite the fact that after he climaxed into his boxers, onto her hand and then cleaned up by her mouth, she wiped it against her thigh, trying to absolve and cleanse her limb after an act that only minutes ago she wanted to escalate. In the moment all she knew was that she wanted him, looking into his green eyes and warring with her internal thoughts because she's starting to want him again. What the fuck is wrong with her?
She needs to get her mind, body and soul together because this pull she feels towards him, every part of her knows it's not right. Yet, a small part of her doesn't care. She owes no loyalty to Abby but she can't help but to think about if their roles were reversed, if she were in her shoes and just that thought alone has her taking another step back. She and Jay have become friends these last few months and she should focus on strengthening that relationship, on building upon that friendship and not trying to develop an unrealistic relationship that'll never happen because he's stuck in a relationship with a woman that even a stranger can see he doesn't want to be with, "I won't let him do anything," both of her hands go behind her back to press against the lower region to relieve herself of some of the pressure. Her poor back has been the casualty in this entire pregnancy; she doesn't even remember life before back pain plagued her.
"You might not be able to stop him."
Upon noticing the frown on his face and his eyes directed everywhere but on her, she takes a step closer, already forgetting about trying to keep her hands to herself when she wraps her arms around him, offering him a comforting hug that led to a risqué act just a few moments ago. She's a glutton for punishment. And apparently, he is too because he doesn't hesitate to wrap his own arms around her, holding her in his grip so tightly that every unspoken word he's wanted to say, she starts to feel. It's weird. It's complicated. Considering, she's only 33 weeks pregnant -wow, it's so hard to believe just how far along she is- and she knew him for around the same time, becoming friends months after their initial introduction, harmlessly flirting, bonding over the shared feeling of preparing for parenthood all while battling the sexual tension, the secrets and his current relationship. This was a life she didn't sign up for, it was a life she didn't envision for herself when she moved back to Chicago. And as of today, she doesn't think there's anything she wants to change about it. She's come to terms with it, -at least, in this moment it feels as if she did.
And when the baby kicks between them, he steps back and looks down at her stomach with such wonder and amazement that you'd think he'd never felt their daughter kick. She would be willing to pay any amount just to have a glimpse of his thoughts anytime their baby makes her presence known. She seems to do it more often when he's around -or when she eats spicy food- than she does it when Erin's alone. It's something about him, maybe his voice, or his scent or just his presence that the baby enjoys. And to be honest, Erin couldn't fault her daughter for that.
"There's just no," he falls silent for a moment before reaching both of his hands out and placing them against her protruding stomach, "there's no getting used to this," she doesn't voice her agreement because she doesn't trust her voice not to crack, instead, she nods in silence before taking his hands and moving them to the current location of their baby's kicks, "and I hope I'm not overstepping when I say that if I had to accidentally knock someone up, I'm glad it was you."
"…even with the looming threat of my father over our heads?"
He nods and the smile on his face spreads even wider when he feels another kick, "even with that."
His eyes, now no longer looking at her stomach, but meeting her gaze has her throat dry and her palms sweaty and since when has her body decided to start reacting to him like this. She's always found him attractive; she wouldn't have slept with him months ago if she didn't, but that was solely based on his looks and his looks alone. And now that she's getting to know him, seeing a side of him that she knows just based on previous conversation no one was lucky enough to see had a part of her thinking that if he were single then maybe they could be more than friends one day.
It was a silly thought but considering what she did to him up against the back of her car, it wasn't so unrealistic and with the way he was looking at her, it looked like he wanted to kiss her. And she looked like she wanted to kiss him. And she was going to do just that, it wouldn't hurt, considering they've already crossed a line, but just as her lips was about to brush against his, her phone went off, alerting her to an incoming text from her mother which kind of kills the mood. Despite being fully aware of his own current relationship status, he does appear to be disappointed by it.
"Okay," Erin reads her mother's one-word response aloud and she pockets her phone again, rolling her shoulders to loosen the tension that suddenly plagued them, "it's time to face reality."
And despite knowing that, this was something he didn't mind avoiding for just a little while longer, but he was an adult and he needed to start acting like one and trying to avoid his problems wasn't the way to do it. But, it's such a nice day out and it was about to be ruined because in the few months that Jay has been working under Hank Voight, he's learned a lot about the man and he knows that this piece of information won't be received well. It's been hard seeing him every day at work, knowing that he's holding in such pertinent information regarding the man's daughter, thinking of his own daughter who isn't even here yet, he knows Voight will be pissed. He left the precinct for lunch with his boss working in the office and considering it's such a nice day outside, the weather didn't match the mood that'll overcome the district once Hank Voight catches wind of an almost nine month secret they've been purposely holding in. This wasn't going to end well but Erin seemed determine and she hoped that since it's a beautiful day outside that it'll be a factor in keeping her dad's mood at least a little bit calm yet she didn't factor in that her father is stuck indoors, not being able to enjoy the weather, sitting at his desk, looking over the data that Mouse put into the new system he's still trying to learn. All of this technology and updates, how do they expect a man like him to stay up-to-date with it all when it's constantly changing? He pulled off his reading glasses and dropped them on his desk, leaning back in his chair and rubbing his temples to relieve himself of the headache that comes when he looks at a computer screen for too long. It's ridiculous that he even has to do this because he knows the team puts in their notes and files on every aspect of their cases correctly so it's tedious for him to look over them just because there's a new database. It's only for a few weeks, just until the system is clear, just to make sure it's done correctly because since he's in charge, if one of them screws up, it's his head.
"I hope I'm not interrupting," he hears a voice that he doesn't recognize whisper seconds after the woman knocks on his opened office door.
"I'm at work, of course you're interrupting," he's so rude and Abby can see why Jay doesn't like her boss much; he's unnecessarily malicious, "Can I help you with something?"
"I'm Jay's girlfriend. I just came to see if he wanted to grab some lunch but I don't see him."
"…maybe next time you should call him first. He isn't here. He left for lunch already."
Abby appears to be disappointed yet she knew Jay wasn't there. She saw him leave the building and she waited for him to drive off before working up the courage to enter. She waited because she wanted to make sure he left and he wasn't going to come back soon. Abby doesn't leave the doorway yet Voight's last words came off as dismissive. He was practically dismissing her, "I guess I just missed him. I'll have to try again another day," she turns, acting as if she was about to leave and says, "Oh, I almost forgot, congratulations! You must be excited, huh?" She looks over her shoulder, watching as the older man looks from the screen of the computer to her eyes.
"I don't think I understand. Excited about what?"
"Your grandbaby of course," she says it so lightly, acting so sweetly as if her salutation was coming from a genuine place. It wasn't and on any other day Voight could have spotted it but the topic of conversation distracts him. It gears him to stand up -his actual work an afterthought- and walk around his desk, "I'm sorry. Who are you again?"
"Abigail," she sticks out her hand, "but please call me Abby. I hate when people call me by my full first name." He shakes her hand despite the clear confusion painted on his face.
"Abby, I'm not sure I understand."
"I'm Jay's girlfriend."
"You've mentioned that. I understand that. What I don't understand is how you know about my grandchild." He's definitely intimidating even when he's not trying to be but Abby keeps it together, the innocence of a woman with no malicious intent covers her face as she responds, "Why wouldn't I? My boyfriend is the kid's father after all." And based on the look on his face, he didn't know and he obviously doesn't think he heard her correctly. Great, she didn't miss her window of opportunity, every day that passed had her worried that she'll miss the upper hand she was given.
Hank waves for her to enter his office and without a word he nods towards the seat that he wants her to take, "Now, what did you just say?"
"I said why wouldn't I know," she repeats it so kindly, talking as if she didn't know the bomb she was about to detonate, "My boyfriend, Jay, is the kid's father."
"Jay is the kid's father," he repeats her words because there's no way he heard her correctly.
"…yes," she smiles and nods, leg draped over the other while her hands are clasped and resting on her lap, "he's going to be a father. Congrats again."
He waves off her congratulations with the flick of his hand, "Are you referring to my detective, Jay Halstead or is this some case of mistaken identity because what you're saying is next to impossible? You might be a tad bit delusional if you honestly think that's the truth."
"…but it is," she whispers, struggling to hold up the smile she has painted on her face.
"And how do you know this?"
She shrugs, "He told me after they had a paternity test done." And based on the look on his face, she knew that was also news to him. He didn't know any of this.
"How long did you know?" He's practically interrogating her, questioning her as if she were a suspect in a crime. She didn't mind it though. She actually enjoyed every part of this because she knows what it's going to lead to and she can always claim ignorance as her defense.
"It's been a few months now, I don't know the exact date I found out."
Voight looks down at his desk, staring down at his palms resting flat against the center of it before dragging his nails against the table and clenching his hands into fists, "Abigail," she opens her lips to remind him of her shortened nickname but the look on his face has her clamping her mouth shut, "I just want to make sure I'm understanding you right," she nods and sits up, "my daughter, Erin," he grabs a framed photo off his desk -the last family photo they've taken with Justin- and holds it out for her to take a good look at, "this Erin," she nods assertively and sets the picture back down, "and Jay," he doesn't have a photo of him to verify, "show me a picture. I need to make sure we're talking about the same person because Abigail, if your boyfriend is, in fact, the Jay that works for me, he moved here from Wisconsin and started working for me around the same time that my daughter got pregnant," he honestly didn't need to see the photo of Jay on her phone because he already believed her. Why wouldn't it be the same Jay? He takes a deep breath and straightens his posture, "Your boyfriend knocked my daughter up?"
"Sir," the smile on her face suddenly drops, "I am so sorry. I thought you knew! Erin is practically almost ready to give birth, I just assumed that she would have told her father. I shouldn't have said anything. I-It's just they've been hanging out so often, he's been going to all of her appointments, helping her set up the nursery, going baby shopping with her, I just assumed they would have told you. I thought," she pouts and looks down at the floor, "I thought I was the last to find out."
"The last to-" he cuts himself off when a thought suddenly dawns on him, "he cheated on you?"
"I've said too much," she starts to stand and he extends his hand in warning. Sit down, is the message that she reads on his face so she silently abides by his demand.
"You said you thought you were the last to find out," he repeats her earlier statement, "so you didn't start dating Jay after Erin got pregnant," Abby shakes her head, "he cheated on you."
Abby bites her lip and slowly nods her head up and down, "I don't want to say too much, sir, but I moved down here to be with and support Jay. He moved down first, I moved down a bit later but by then it was too late, they already slept together and he probably wouldn't have told me if I didn't find…" she doesn't specify the article of clothing she found because the man's face has her pretty nervous and besides it's implied, "and after breaking my heart, a few weeks after that, he broke it again and told me she was pregnant, it's his baby and they're going to raise it together."
His daughter lied to him. His detective lied to him. Both of them withheld information, lying by omission, and spoke to him almost every day with no word or hint of the truth. Did they ever intend on telling him? Most likely not since Erin looks ready to pop and she hasn't fixed her mouth to say anything. That girl can say a lot; she talks more than he'd prefer, but the one thing he should actually know about, she never mentions. Just the thought of being lied to, of being taken as a fool sends his mind spiraling over the edge and his emotions in an upheaval.
Hank wanted to hit something, or maybe someone. He needed to break something, preferably with his fist but everything in his office was property of the district and if he broke it then he'd have to pay to have it repaired. Maybe a visit to Antonio's gym is in order because there's a boxing bag that deserves to take the brunt of his anger. But, as of right now, he had no way of letting it out, he didn't know what to do with this bubbling up, rising emotion that is so close to exploding like a volcano. Someone's head will be served on a platter and unfortunately for his detective, Jay Halstead is what's on the menu. Voight rolls his shoulders and cracks his neck before allowing his eyes to fall onto Abigail, who is currently biting her nails, "He did that and you're still with the dunce?" He stared at her, blinking, expecting an answer to his obvious question, but when she stays silent, he says "Do you mind going to the breakroom for a minute? I need to make a call."
And without any hesitation she stands up and walks out, moving to the breakdown and sitting down in one of the most uncomfortable chairs she's ever sat in. Voight grabs the knob of his office door and he desperately wants to slam it shut but instead he slowly closes it with one hand while withdrawing his cell from his pocket with the other. He dials his daughter's number first, hoping that she's on break at work -if she's even at work- so he can get an answer, but when there's no answer, he hangs up, not even bothering to leave a voicemail before calling Jay only to receive the same treatment. Neither one of them answering only sends him further into a blind rage. He should call his daughter back, maybe leave a voicemail but instead, he dials his wife's number next and she answers on the first ring, "Hey Hun," she sounds so cheerful, so at peace and any other day just the sound of her voice would have put him in a good mood but not today.
"Cam, you better get down to the station because the next time I see your daughter and my ex-detective, it's going to be a triple homicide!"
"…triple?" Whatever cheerful mood she was in suddenly disappears.
"Yes," he snaps, moving the phone from his ear and holding it in front of his mouth, "Erin, Jay and the baby," he hangs up without giving his wife a chance to say anything else. She was already preparing to leave the house to come to the station because of Erin's text but after her husband's message, it puts a little pep in her step and she's moving quicker than she initially was moving.
Voight gives his daughter's phone another ring and when she doesn't answer for the second time, he throws his phone onto his desk, ignoring the sound of it clattering against the wood. He's always struggled with his anger and over the years he's tried many things to calm himself down but none of those things -taking a wall, deep breathing, getting fresh air, jogging- were up for consideration, not until he talks to his daughter, not until he clears all of this up. Hank reaches into the bottom drawer of his desk and grabs his stress ball, tightening his hand around it, hoping that it'll calm him down but the more time that passes without word from his daughter, the angrier he grows. His anger reaches the degree right below ready to commit assault when he hears his daughter's familiar laugh followed by the sound of his detective, "Abs, what are you doing here?" He looks out the glass window of his office, watching the interaction and body language between the three of them.
"I stopped by to see if you wanted to go to lunch," she shrugs, making her way further out of the breakroom, "but your boss said I had already missed you."
"I told you," he starts in a normal volume, "that I was going shopping with Erin." He looks happy, way happier than he looked when he left here. And the fact that they walked in together says a lot.
"Oh, that's right," she snaps her fingers as if she suddenly remembered, "I completely forgot."
Just watching them, both Erin and Jay, sends his anger to a boiling point, making the stress ball in his hand ineffective. He throws it onto his desk, ignoring it as it rolls and falls to the floor as he throws open his office door, "So it's you, Halstead," Voight storms out, raspy voice so loud that it's possible that everyone downstairs in the lobby can hear, "It's you," and both Jay and Erin stand speechless and clueless in the center of the bullpen, "you got my daughter pregnant?" He knows the answer but he just wants to hear the confirmation from his detective's mouth, but based on the way their confusion morphed into fear, anxiety and worry, the answer was already reaffirmed.
Halstead takes a small step towards his boss, "Sir-"
"You got my daughter pregnant?" Voight didn't want to be placated; he wanted answers, he wanted the truth, he didn't want to be lied to anymore or made out to be a damn fool.
"Sergeant-"
"It's a yes or no question, Halstead. Did you get my daughter pregnant?" It's no point in lying because Hank already knows and it's honestly no point in Voight even asking but he needs to hear it from their mouth, not the mouth of some stranger, "Did you knock my fucking daughter up?"
Immediately, Jay looks over his shoulder, meeting Erin's eyes, his own gaze questioning because he doesn't know what to say or what to do, he doesn't know what to answer or what to leave out. He's unprepared. He's lost. He wasn't ready. They should have practiced and discussed this more, but whatever time they've been stalling for had run out. And if Voight didn't snap his fingers in front of Halstead's face then he'd probably still be staring at her, trapped in his thoughts, "Don't look at her. Look at me. I am the one asking the questions. I am the one talking. Not her. I asked a question from you and I expect an answer from you. I have my own questions for her that she'll have to answer," he shoots a look over Jay's shoulder, glaring at Erin, his expression reminding her of the looks he used to give her as a child.
Halstead took a step to the left, blocking the pathway of Voight's glare from reaching her, "Sir if I could just explain…"
Hank backed away, "What is there to explain? Huh?" He starts to walk towards his office, only stopping briefly in front of Jay's desk to scowl at it, "I want you to pack up your desk. I want you gone. Out of here. Out of my sight before I do something that I won't regret."
"Sir-"
"I SAID GONE HALSTEAD!" Voight turns around; he doesn't understand the need to repeat himself and the more he's forced to do it, the angrier he gets, "Since when have you not understood English? Or is it that you have difficulty hearing? Am I not speaking loud enough for you? You've always had problems following directions. You always question my fucking orders. Go."
Halstead stands, taken aback, eyes squinting in confusion, "With all due respect sir, what I do during my personal time shouldn't affect my professional time, my career. I kept the two separate."
"That argument might work elsewhere but not here, not when you secretly knocked my kid up. Now get out of here before I have officers throw you out."
"Sir, I love my job! I need this job. Now more than ever…"
Voight released a bitter laugh, "Using my grandkid as a reason why I shouldn't fire you…that's low, that's desperate. I want to say I'm surprised you stooped so low but I really shouldn't be."
"…but sir," even with all the disrespect Voight is throwing his way, Jay remains respectful, "I am desperate," for a brief second, he looks over his shoulder and meets Erin's eyes, "I'm going to have a baby soon. I need the money now more than ever. And this job means everything to me. I've wanted this opportunity for as long as I can remember."
"Well, you should have thought about that before screwing my daughter. Don't make me have to tell you again, now get your stuff and get out," Voight continues his walk into his office, slamming the door so hard behind him that the blinds shake. He's fuming. He's red in the face. Lines and wrinkles appear on his forehead. His hands are clenched into fists and they're shaking at his side. He couldn't even look at Erin for long because she's pregnant and that damn bump is a constant reminder of their lies, of them sneaking around and playing fucking house with each other.