Erin stands, hands situated on her hips as she stared down at the floor, feeling the carpet warm her bare feet yet her eyes couldn't see them. Her stomach, in its large, rounded form blocked her sight of it. She recently had gotten her toes and nails touched up with a clip and a fresh coat of polish in a shade of pink to represent the fact that she's about to become a girl mom. Her nails were cute, and the lady at the spa even added in a design, from her pointer finger to her pinky had one letter each spelling out her little girl's first name. Her nails were cute, and she even took a picture of them and sent it off to Kim as promised, however her dilemma is she can't see her toes. She trusts that they're just as pretty but she wants to see them.
"If you stare any harder, you're going to give yourself a headache."
She looks up at the sound of Jay's voice as he entered her apartment. Milo, with his short tail wagging, ran up to the door and excitedly jumped up onto his hindlegs, throwing his front paws forward to rest against Halstead's lap. He held a box in his hand and in order to ruffle and rub the top of her pup's head, he maneuvers it over to rest underneath the pit of his arm, "hey boy!"
Giving up on seeing her toes, later she'll probably ask Jay to take a picture of them on her phone so she can see it but for right now, she's distracted by the box he's carrying into her apartment.
"What's that?"
"…a little something I ordered for Emma."
"I swear this little girl has it so easy. She gets all the gifts while I do all the work." Erin tsks. She shakes her head and meets him halfway to take the box from his hands. It's light enough, that much is obvious by the fact that he relinquishes it to her. If it was any heavier, he would have refused.
Now with his hands and arms free, he can give Milo the attention that he deserves. Jay steps out of his shoes, using his feet to peel out of them before dropping to his knees, becoming eye level with her dog. Milo drops down to the ground, rolling over onto his back, providing Jay with ample room to give him the best belly rub of his life. Erin set the box on her coffee table before disappearing into her kitchen to grab a pair of scissors in order to easily slice the box open.
"So," she clears her throat, padding barefoot back into the living room, "How has it been being back in Intelligence? The badge clipped at your waist is a nice look on you."
"It's actually been better than I expected," he looks up even though his hand continues to rub the pup's stomach, "I thought it'd be awkward or weird but nope, it's actually going great."
"Is my dad treating you alright? If not, I don't mind tal-"
"He's treating me just fine," Jay smirks at the protective streak rising within her, "but thank you."
Jay gives Milo one final pat before standing back up, hinting to the dog that his belly rub time is over. Milo ventures over to his doggy bed, situated in the corner of the living room and he walks circles around the cushion before flopping down to get back to the bone he had been gnawing on before Jay arrived. Erin smiled at him, at the joy he gets from his dedication to tearing into that bone even though it doesn't look like he's even made a dent in it. Oh well, if he likes it, she loves it. Erin uses the arm of the couch to ease herself down into the cushion and just as she leans forward to slide the coffee table closer so she can have better access to cutting the box open, Jay is flopping down in the arm chair adjacent to her, making a suggestion that she finds confusing, "I was actually talking to a few guys at the precinct yesterday and I realized, we need to discuss our labor plan."
"Huh?" The scissors hover above the package, pausing midair before she can cut it open, "We already made a birthing plan with my OBGYN. My doctor gave both of us a copy of it afterwards."
"No, not that, I'm talking about before we get to the hospital. We don't live together, what if you go into labor when I'm at work? Or when you're home alone? Or out running errands?"
She sets the scissors down on top of the box, "I didn't think of that."
"I don't want to have any distractions when I'm in the field and with you so close to your due date, all I keep thinking about is maybe I should call you to make sure your water didn't break."
Erin leans back, the cushion of the couch soothing a developing ache in her lower back, "It's no way someone can be with me every hour of every day until I give birth," when he sighs aloud at the reminder, she adds, "I'm just being realistic here. Even if someone could, just their presence alone will eventually start to annoy me. I know myself enough to know I'll need space especially because space will be nonexistent the moment this girl comes."
"So, what do we do?" He sits up straight, arms settled on his knees and hands clasped, dangling over his spread legs, "because when your water breaks, I don't think you should drive yourself to the hospital. It might be possible, I don't know, I've never been in this situation before, but I'd have a better peace of mind if I knew you weren't behind the wheel while having contractions."
"How about this?" Erin starts the moment an idea comes to mind, "when my water breaks, I'll send out a mass group text and whoever is free at the time and closest to me at the time can pick me up and take me to the hospital. I'll make sure my parents and Kim know of the plan too. And worst-case scenario, I'll have to catch a Lyft or an Uber. No big deal."
He's well aware that the worst-case scenario will not happen so he won't even entertain the thought of her catching a ride share service to the hospital. He knows himself enough to know that even if he was in the middle of chasing down a suspect, he'd ditch that to get to her side. He knows the same of Voight. Kim and Camille too. There is no way any of them wouldn't drop everything to be there for Erin. Jay presses his hands against his knees and rises to his feet, walking around the armchair to venture into Emma's room, leaving Erin to open the package.
She watches him disappear behind the door before grabbing the scissors. Since the nursery has been finished, every time he comes over, he spends time inside of it. She doesn't know what he does in there, or what he's thinking about, but she does know and understand the moments of peace that their girl's nursery brings. It's warming. It's wholesome. Emma hasn't spent a night in it yet but the love they have for that little girl clearly shows. The amount of time, effort and money spent to make sure she won't need or want for anything is obvious, especially when Erin glides the scissors down the center of the box, easily cutting the tape and opening the cardboard tabs.
Erin opens the box sliding out the wooden name puzzle of her daughter's first name. The way each large letter spelling out Emma's name is in a different color is so cute. She reaches over to grab the matching puzzle, only this one consists of a wooden name puzzle spelling out her last name, each of the puzzles a surprise to her from Jay. He ordered it the day after they named her to commemorate officially selecting a name for their kid. It had taken a week to be created and another week to be shipped and as she sits on her couch, a few days over hitting her 39th week of pregnancy, she embraces the fact that she's officially full-term.
She's ready for this baby to come out now. Right now. Like at this moment if she could. She's impatient and she's in a constant state of discomfort and apparently, at least according to doctors, this is normal for a 39-week pregnant mom-to-be. She used to be terrified about the inevitable moment labor comes but now she doesn't care anymore, she just doesn't want to be pregnant anymore. She wants her body back, no matter the shape or form it'll be in, at least it'll be completely hers. She wants to see her feet too. She wants the swelling to go down so she can actually walk without resembling a penguin. So many changes to her body, she knows that her body will never be exactly the way it once was pre-pregnancy, with her slightly wider hips and stretch marks, just to name a few, but that's her price to pay for bringing new life into the world.
Erin sets the puzzles down and leans back, reaching for the bottom of her shirt and flipping it up to trace the stretch marks lining her belly. There were some good changes to her body like her breasts got bigger and her hair got longer but no one, not her mom, not the other pregnant women in the waiting room at the doctor's office and not the instructor in her Lamaze class warned her about the acne, the skin discoloration and the fact that her feet swelled up to the point where she had to go a size up in shoes. No one talks about that so when it hit her, she felt unprepared.
"Little girl, you are so lucky you're worth it," she grumbled to the baby in her belly. She knows Emma can hear her, she knows her little one knows her voice, and because she knows that, she takes every opportunity she can to talk to her, "when you're old enough to understand, trust and believe, you will hear about what you've done to your mom. This pregnancy could have been easier but it could have been harder too so I appreciate you for not making this too hard, I heard some women lose their hair and teeth, so I'll take what I can get." She massaged the underside of her belly, right where she can feel the baby kicking, "try not to kick so hard," she scolded before shutting her eyes and woo-sahing through the sharp pain, "please come by your due date and when you come, please, please, I beg you, try to go as fast as you can through the vaginal canal. Your mom is strong but Ems let me tell you, even I have my limits. So if we can make a deal, you give me a quick delivery and arrive earthside safe, healthy and sound then," she pauses on the agreement she's trying to make with her kid when she draws a blank on what to actually offer her in this compromise, "hmm, this is harder than I thought because I don't actually know what you're interested in yet…maybe I'll just give you an IOU for you to use at your discretion," a moment passes and then she clarifies, "with limitations and conditions of course."
The kicking stops and Erin can only assume that means she's in agreement. She'll know for sure the day her water breaks. She won't get her hopes up at all because that conversation she just had was more so with herself than her kid. Emma probably knows her voice but has absolutely no idea about what she's saying. Erin gives her stomach one last rub, tracing a few of the stretchmarks before using the arm of the couch to push herself up to her feet. She gathers the boxes, bending low to grab some of the bubble wrap that fell to the floor when she pulled the puzzles out. Her stomach made it harder than it needed to be but geesh, she's 39 fucking weeks pregnant, the thought still blows and boggles her mind. Her baby is the size of a fucking pumpkin.
And apparently, she's not done growing. Erin starts to fear that a vaginal birth won't be the way little Miss. Emma makes her arrival earthside. It's crowded in there, and according to her doctor, baby is going to keep growing despite the limited space. How do women do this multiple times? How do women have multiple babies during one pregnancy? This is her first and she's only carrying one and she's on the fence about whether or not she'll ever in her life do this again. She's nine months pregnant and next week will be the official wrap up of the final month of her pregnancy. Next week is her official due date, it's hard to believe, it's so close but so far away at the same time and her doctor says that she has potential to go into labor at any point. She could go into labor before her due date, which at this point, wouldn't be risky, or she can go into labor after her due date, either naturally or by being induced. She does not fucking want to be induced. She doesn't want to have a C-section either. Please let her birthing plan go accordingly.
Erin grabs the boxes and sets them near the front door as a reminder to take them out near the date recycle pays their apartment complex a visit. She maneuvers back into the living room, stopping briefly to pop her head into the nursery to see Jay organizing the baby's books on her bookshelf alphabetically before deciding he didn't like the look of it and changing it around so it's organized by size. From smallest to tallest and once it's done, he takes a step back, satisfied with his effort.
"The gift Will sent was nice, huh?" Her voice startles him. She notices his spine stiffen and his shoulders tense before he turns around and sends her a gentle smile.
"Yeah…and unexpected," he goes over to her closet next, most likely looking to see in what way he wanted to reorganize it again. Her mom was in charge of putting the clothes up and it seems Jay is about to redo all her hard work and effort.
Erin remains at the doorway, "So, how is all of that going by the way?"
"…it's going." He provides the most basic answer as he starts to organize her clothes based on season and then by age, "I sent him a text to thank him. I'm still waiting for a response." He moves an outfit to a different rod in order for it to fit in with the other winter clothes.
"It's been over a week."
"…still waiting for a response."
She could tell his vague answer was a hint that he doesn't want to talk about this, but Erin doesn't particularly like hints, she likes being direct so she acts as if the vibes he's giving off doesn't register with her and she continues probing, "How did Abby even bring that over?" She crosses her arms above her belly, "I saw her when she came but she was empty handed."
"Yeah, I saw that too. She took an Uber to your house, and since I drove here, we planned to drive home together, at least that was the plan before she proposed, anyway, she said the driver carried it up to the front door and your dad carried it in. I don't know. I didn't ask too many questions."
He brought up the proposal, she didn't, but she'll take that as an opening to address that now that it's been a few weeks. The day of when she tried to bring it up, he shot it down. Using her shoulder leaned against the archway of the door, she pushes off to walk further into the room, observing him focusing hard on organizing their girl's clothes to the best of his ability, "How are things between you guys anyway? I can't imagine things being great considering you rejected her proposal."
"Abby surprisingly got over it."
Erin's face dropped because she doesn't believe that for one bit, "You joking right?"
"She's not acting any differently. She's going to work, going to therapy, developing a routine at home and she even returned the ring. I tried talking to her about it after I cooled off and she didn't even try to avoid the conversation. She even admitted that she read the signals wrong."
"She's very," Erin pauses in search of the right word, "unpredictable."
"To be honest, she's always been that way," he takes a step back to look at the clothes from a distance and when he's satisfied with how he's organized it, he moves to her dresser, opening each container, taking everything out and reorganizing it when he puts it back in, "she just hasn't been it to that extent. She has some predictable qualities about her like what used to be our sex life, her plans for the future and when it comes to change or trying new things, all of that she's predictable in a sense but since moving here, she's become much more impulsive. That proposal I did not see coming at all," he closes the bottom drawer when he finishes reorganizing it before moving to the one above it, "she would have never done something like that in Wisconsin."
"I wasn't in the picture in Wisconsin," Erin reminds him by pointing out the obvious, "the circumstances were much different. You didn't cheat. Emma wasn't even a thought. Stuff like that changes people. The Abby you once knew is not the exact same Abby that's here today."
Jay doesn't respond to that. He already feels guilty enough. He knows that wasn't Erin's intent to make him feel remorseful but he can't help himself. It's the primary emotion that's keeping him locked in this relationship. He feels bad, guilty and blameworthy because the circumstances that changed were his fault which means the changes in Abby were also his fault. He doesn't voice that because he knows Erin will deny it, she'll remind him that Abby is an adult and has all the power to leave and because he doesn't want to hear that right now, he keeps his mouth shut.
When he first met Abby, her feelings were obvious, she was damn near infatuated with him and the second he shook her hand, he was immediately placed on a pedestal. He could do no wrong in her eyes. He was perfect in every sense of the word. So, in moments where his imperfections shined, she blamed it on someone else. It was always someone else's fault, never his. Jay finished organizing the dresser and moved along to the shelves in the closet, sorting the items atop of them based on size, working it as if he was playing a game of Tetris.
"Jay," he looks over his shoulder the second he slid an unopened box of diapers onto the closet shelf, "I hope I didn't overstep. That's not my intention at all. Whatever you and Abby have going on is between you and Abby," he says nothing in return, "I'll uh, I'll let you finish doing what you were doing before I um, came in." She makes her exit, stepping backwards out of the room.
Erin moves to the center of her living room, looking around in search of something to do to pass the time. She's been told she needs to enjoy these moments because when the baby comes, that'll all change, but it's hard. She misses work. She misses hanging out. She misses going out for drinks with her best friend. She misses a lot and she doesn't know the next time most of that will happen.
She goes through her mental checklist: take her car through inspection (she did that yesterday, so check), decide on a birthing plan (that was discussed at her last appointment, so check), figure out who will take Milo during the first few weeks after the baby is born (Kim volunteered so that's another thing she doesn't have to do anymore) and assemble baby gear, unpack gifts and boxes and prepare the nursery (check, check and check that completely off after her parents and Jay paid a visit last weekend to do the finishing touches on her nursery). It's hard to believe that there isn't much left to do. It feels like there is plenty to do but her mind cannot conjure up what's left.
"We should probably leave out in a few minutes so we're not late for the Lamaze class." Jay reminds. And there it is. Something else for her to do. Something she had completely forgotten. This isn't their first time going together, that was actually last week, but they've learned so much that the two of them agreed to go again. They actually agreed to go each week up until her water breaks.
With Jay's assistance, she steps into her sandals and he straps them around her ankle. If she could leave the house in socks, she'd do it. Even though these shoes aren't squeezing or suffocating her ankles, they do hurt the bottom of her feet. She goes to grab a sweater just in case Chicago decides to remind them about why it's called the windy city in the first place as Jay double checks Milo's food and water bowl to make sure both are filled. He gives Milo a pat on the head and a promise that when they come back, he'll take him out for a walk. It seems he's grown attached to her pup.
Erin shuts the door and locks it as Jay goes to catch the elevator. He reminds her not to rush because if she's not here when the elevator comes, he'll hold it. Fortunately, none of that needed to be said because the elevator gets there at the same time she gets there. He leads her inside, both of them greeting the woman that was already inside of it as they entered. The button for the lobby is already pressed so all they do is stand back and wait a few seconds before the doors reopen and Jay nods for her and the woman to step out first before he follows behind like the gentleman he was raised to be. He tucks his hands in his front pockets as he does a quick jog to catch up to her, "You're really making the most of this waddling," he jokes, "you're getting faster."
"Please, I beg you, shut up."
He laughs.
"You know," he starts hesitantly, "I was wondering, when the baby comes, if you wanted me to bring meals by your place. I doubt you'd have much time to cook anything, and even if you did, you probably wouldn't feel like it. And I'm a pretty decent cook too."
Erin walks alongside him as he leads the way to his car, "I appreciate the offer but my mom already plans to stock up my fridge and freezer with prepped meals. But, when I inevitably eat all of that, I don't mind a restock especially if you're as good as you say you are."
"Have I ever left you disappointed by my talents?"
"Alright, I'm going to stop before your ego gets any bigger."
As she sits inside the vehicle, trying to distract herself from Jay's unhinged driving, she goes through another mental checklist: get a prenatal massage (as recommended by her coworker that is the proud mother of five, yes five kids, check, it was definitely needed and she wouldn't mind going back again soon), research pediatricians and make a list of all those she likes (with the assistance of Jay, that was done without a hitch so check), deep clean her apartment (it actually turned into a family affair with her dad cleaning out her fridge and freezer, throwing out all the old food and wiping down the shelves while her mother cleaned the bathrooms and she and Jay cleaned everything else), wash all the baby clothes and blankets (technically her mother did that but it still deserves a check because it needed to be done, Camille Voight even put all the clothes away, bless her heart) and pack her hospital overnight bag (no check, but she'll do that the second she's home).
By staring at the trees, buildings and other cars flash by with his increasing speed, she finds herself zoning out. She's aware that she's zoned out but she's too lazy to zone back in. Her eyes glaze over as her thoughts travel to her kid. It seems Emma takes up majority of her thoughts, majority of the space in her mind. Erin has her fears, that she's read on mommy blogs are absolutely normal, but knowing they're common doesn't make them go away. What if she doesn't bond with her baby? What if she feels nothing when meeting her kid for the first time? What if her delivery isn't safe? What if something goes wrong? What about when her baby is sleeping? She's read about sudden infant death. What if she's bitten more than she can chew and she can't handle being a single mom of a newborn? All of this overthinking does nothing healthy for her.
Soon enough she manages to break out of her reverie, blink out of the zone she found herself lost in. She clears her throat and shakes her head to clear it when that haunting feeling she felt seconds ago takes over her again, "Are you scared?"
Jay looks over at her, eyeing the outline of the side of her head as she does everything in her power to avoid his gaze, "Scared about what?"
"…being a dad," Erin shrugged, "being responsible for another human being, protecting her, taking care of her, having your whole world change in one night, are you scared?"
"Terrified," he admits.
"Yeah, me too."
The remainder of their car ride is silent. He's paying attention to the road and Erin is distracting herself so she doesn't prove to be a backseat driver. She thinks of what led her to this moment, to being pregnant by a man that's in a relationship with someone else. She recalls when she moved back to Chicago which felt like a lifetime ago. She was running from a problem and found herself facing a new problem, one that she couldn't run away from. Erin runs her hands over her bump, thinking to herself that while she wishes to no longer be pregnant, she knows it'll be brief, passing moments where she actually misses her bump. Holding it, cupping it, and rubbing it gave her more comfort than anything she's experienced in the past. Erin thinks about how she felt prior to moving back home, she thinks about the good times in New York, along with the hard times, the scary times, the times with her ex-boyfriend. That relationship was one of the biggest mistakes she's ever made in her life, and she made it twice by taking him back after the break-in. The ride is quiet, it's a bit somber as she wonders what he's thinking about and he wonders the same about her. It isn't until he carefully parallel parked in the parking spot directly across the street from the Lamaze class that she voices her thoughts, "I broke up with my boyfriend a week before the break in."
It catches him by surprise. He'd assumed her mind was wrapped up in the fear she had mentioned earlier, however it seems to distract herself from that, her thoughts tiptoed into her past, into a time before he knew her. And he will admit he's wanted to learn more about that, he's willing to listen to anything she is willing to give him about the Erin that lived in New York.
"Is this the toxic ex-boyfriend you told me a little about?" He chose his words carefully. He didn't want her to shut down and he knew from previous conversations that she has this skill about her that makes changing the topic appear so subtle that it took him a while to notice that it occurred.
Erin looks down at her hands and traces the lifelines on her palm, "there's two theories behind the break in at my apartment," he doesn't fully understand why she keeps referring to the break in along the same lines and topic as her ex, but he knows the connection will soon come, "the first one is that after I broke up with my ex, he sent those guys to destroy my place to get back at me hence why they didn't take anything after they beat me up pretty bad. It's believed that he did that so I can come running back to him, begging him to give me another chance even though I was the one to break things off with him the first time. Police implied he wanted to play hero."
Now it all comes together. He bites his tongue and digs his own nails into the fabric of his jeans to keep from clenching his fists. He doesn't like the first theory at all. He hopes that isn't true. How could anyone do something like that? It's sick. And before he decides to offer comfort, she voices the alternative theory, "the second theory is he knew one of the guys. It's believed that my ex got into some trouble with the wrong people and they came to send him a message. I walked in, they saw pictures of me with him since he was practically living with me before I kicked him out, they made the connection and decided what better way to send him a message than to harm me. Hurt me to be even with my ex-boyfriend but at the time they assumed we were still together. The break in happened not too long after I broke up with him so I didn't have a chance to change the pictures or toss them in the trash. But, even if I did, they were already in my place by the time they saw them. It probably wouldn't have done me any good anyway."
Jay doesn't like that option either. Neither sounded better and that's because they both ended in the same outcome, with her hurt. Jay unbuckles his seatbelt after turning off the car. He shifts in his seat to face her but she doesn't do the same. Instead, she stares down at her belly, housing their pumpkin-sized kid and she finds comfort in Emma's kicks when her hand rushes to rub the assaulted area. She smiles, and he knows that's directed more so towards their kid than the next words that come out of her mouth, "I found out about both suspicions during the investigation. The detectives were pretty confident my ex was involved in some way. By this point though, my ex and I already tried working things out again, but it didn't work. We weren't good for each other and he didn't know how to be there for me after that. I always wanted to ask him," now she pulls her eyes away from her stomach to look over at him, "I always wanted to know but at the same time, I don't want to know either. I want it," she pauses to reconsider and correct her words, "I need it to be the second option. I need it to be those guys destroying my home, the home we once shared together to get back at him because the thought of him sending those guys to hurt me and then sweeping in himself to play hero and comfort and use me when I needed someone the most, makes me sick to my fucking stomach. So, I want to know but at the same time I don't and even if I asked, I highly doubt he'd tell me the truth."
All he's asking is for five minutes with the guy. That's all he needs. Just a few minutes in a room with him. Because now Jay is picturing it all, and he's remembering the conversation he had with Erin in the waiting room, her body language and what he remembers the most is when he asked her if the assholes responsible were all locked away and her answer to him was something along the lines of the ones that actually physically hurt her are in prison. Dots were being connected from that conversation at the doctor's office. Her ex-boyfriend, if he played a role in it, was walking free because it's all about what you can prove and all police had at the time were theories.
Halstead reached over the arm rest to take her hand in his, intertwining their fingers in an effort to offer her comfort that his words will fail to do. She meets his eyes, and smiles at him before looking back down at her tummy, using her pregnant belly to escape the present awkward moment.
"I don't know what to say."
"You don't have to say anything," she reassures, "I just didn't want it to be any big secrets between us, especially if we're supposed to be partners in all of this." Now he sees how the connection was made, how she went from thinking about Emma to him to what she felt was a large elephant in the room, a gray cloud over their growing friendship, "and I also figured you've shared a lot with me about your relationship with Abby, that maybe I can share a bit more with you too."
"I wish we were friends then," and that's the god's honest truth, "I wish I could have been there for you after everything that happened. I wish I could have walked through the door with you that day. I wish I could have kicked your bastard ex to the curb for you when he came crawling back. I wish I could have done something."
"You're a really good guy, do you know that?"
The reddish tint that warms his cheeks makes her smile, "Sometimes I need a reminder."
"Well consider that your reminder," she squeezes his hand, "you're a really good guy. Emma's a pretty lucky girl to have you as her daddy. I'm a pretty lucky girl too to be able to coparent with someone I consider a best friend. I don't want you to lose that…that good person quality. Coming from someone that lost that in the past after the break in, and had to go through individual and group therapy and buy a trained support animal to try and get it back, it's hard. It's not easy at all. I did eventually get it back though yes, but what I'm trying to say is, don't let no one, no toxic relationship take that away from you. I always said to myself, if I can go back and change one thing, it would have been dumping him earlier. I didn't pay attention to the red flags. They were there and I ignored them." She's making implications that she hopes he's picking up on. She doesn't want to directly state how she's using her experience to talk about Abby in a roundabout way because she knows Abby isn't her ex, but she also knows that different types of toxicity exist, just because her ex was a different level of toxic and abusive doesn't mean that Abby isn't toxic and abusive either. They're not mutually exclusive; both can exist at the same time.
"I'm glad you got away from that. I'm glad you're better."
She bites her lip and nods, staring off over his shoulder at nothing specific, "Me too," a ghost of a whisper comes out before she follows it up in a louder volume, "I do want to go back to visit New York though, I left last minute and didn't get to really say all the goodbyes I wanted to and it'd be nice closure. Shutting one door behind me and opening a new."
"Well, the doctor has officially grounded you so when you eventually go visit it'll be after Emma."
Yeah, she's reminded. She knows. It'll be awhile before she can actually go back to New York because she's too pregnant to travel and she refuses to travel with a newborn so she has to give Emma time to be acquainted with the real world.
Erin looks up at the large sign for the building their Lamaze class is in. After the heavy conversation, she was mentally and emotionally exhausted and now she wasn't in the mood to go.
"I know that look," he chuckled as he walked alongside her on the sidewalk.
"I rather just go home and rest instead of having to actually think about the pain labor will bring."
He chuckles alongside her as they approach the door. He grabs for the handle, opening it up for her to enter through first and then for him to follow.
"Hi Erin," the cheery Lamaze instructor greets as the bell rings above their head, signaling their entrance, "it's so great to see you again!" She was way too energetic and upbeat for Erin's liking today. She's 39 weeks pregnant and her instructor is not pregnant at all. She's in-shape, flexible and has so much energy probably garnered from a good night's sleep. Erin doesn't need her unintentionally throwing that in her face, "If you'll just sign in, go into the next room, we'll give it a few more minutes for a few others to arrive and then we'll get started."
"Sure," Erin grabs the pen and once she signs in and the instructor shouts awesome, she grabs Jay's wrist and tugs him towards the other room, "I hope she's not like that for the full hour."
As the room began to fill with more couples, Erin and Jay found themselves casually taking a seat towards the back. Neither wanted to be up front and center especially because if it's the same instructor as last time, she likes to use the couples in the front row as demonstrators. Matts are spread out and Erin chooses the lime green one, grasping Jay's wrist to help lower herself to the ground before he took his natural place behind her. The other matts around the room started to become occupied and when the last matt was taken, their cheery instructor walked in.
"Welcome to Lamaze class, I am Meghan Hahn," she introduced as she walked into the room and shut the door behind her, "I'll be your instructor for today," her eyes quickly scanned the room, "I do recognize some faces and I am enthused to welcome you all back, along with welcoming our first timers!" She bounced on over to the dry erase board where she has her name and contact information written, "for my newbies, here's my number and the best way to contact me which is through email if you have any questions or concerns throughout your pregnancy!"
"She's way too energetic," Erin leaned back to whisper, her back now resting against his chest as her head turned partially to speak in his ear, "I bet she had a few cups of coffee. Damn, I forgot about how much I missed coffee and shitloads of caffeine. When is my due date again?"
Like the studious guy he is, he strains to hear the guidance and instructions their teacher gives all while Erin continues to make remarks underneath her breath. He has his hands on her shoulders, massaging gently as directed, all while Erin sits uninterested, "Don't get me wrong," she whispers in his direction again, "I've never had a baby before but I have a feeling that when I'm in the middle of a contraction the last thing I'm going to want you to do is massage my shoulders."
Advertised as everything you need to know; Erin feels like that's such a reach. The first class she attended didn't go as in depth as this one is doing. It's like they teach what's needed to know in steps so you can spend money to come back to find out what else you need to know. That first class involved discussing expectations, exploring the normal discomforts of pregnancy, the benefits of breastfeeding and expected changes in the third trimester. The second class, which the two of them missed, she watched a recorded video of what was missed which didn't feel like much. The third class, which was the first that Jay attended with her, explored fetal development and breathing techniques. It was probably her favorite class. She learned the most in session three.
And now the fourth class, the class to explore active labor, has her wishing that she skipped it. It's mainly information that Jay will need on how to be there for her through labor. Meghan spoke on the importance of providing continuous support, which Erin couldn't find herself disagreeing with, however when Meghan starts to teach touch relaxation, Erin found herself right back at the level of annoyance she was at during the start of class. She doesn't know what it is so she simply blames it on her pregnancy. It's two more classes after this, one on pushing techniques and the final class is rehearsal, whatever the hell that means, the pamphlet didn't go into too much detail but by the date listed next to the final class, Erin notes that it's a few days shy of her due date. She may not attend because she may actually have her kid by then. Whoa…
By the time the class has ended, many of the attendees hung back after to speak with Meghan and ask follow-up questions. Erin, on the other hand, once she was helped up off the floor, she grabbed his wrist and pulled him towards the exit. It was getting hot and stuffy in there. Out of every pregnant woman in the room, she was the furthest along in her pregnancy, she can only assume the women she saw and met at the previous classes that were ahead of her in their pregnancy had already had their babies. They friended each other on social media so she'll have to shoot them off a message to inquire about their wellbeing.
"I was thinking…" he starts when he follows her out the exit.
"Uh oh, that can't be good," she joked. Her shoulder bumping up against his as the two of them walked towards his parked car. Neither are in a rush especially considering all she can do is waddle.
Sarcastically, he drags out a laugh, "Ha, ha," he draws his keys out his pocket before picking up where he left off, "but I was thinking about her middle name. I know we were stuck between choosing either October or November and a large part of me wants October."
"I think November sounds better though. Emma November Halstead."
"It doesn't have a bad ring to it at all, but Emma October Halstead sounds good too," he shrugged, reaching in front of her to open the passenger side door once the car is unlocked, "and I think it's more symbolic to us than November," before she can lower herself into the seat, she turns to face him, head tilting up to meet his eyes as he elaborates, "yeah we met each other again in November but when you told me you were pregnant, we weren't exactly friends, I doubted she was my kid for a moment and just…" he sighs out loud, his lips shake when he releases a large breath, "I was confused about what I wanted. I don't really want to remember or be reminded of how I first felt when I found out you were pregnant with my kid. I don't want to always think of the doubts I had and how much of a mistake I thought she was at the time. I don't want that for me and I really, really don't want that for her," his hand, both of them, cup the sides of her stomach, "although we were practically strangers in October, those memories are much more pleasant," he smiles, ending his next statement with a wink, "and I'd rather associate my kid with the good times than the bad."
Her hands covered his. Emma moves around actively in her cocoon, kicking her feet energetically against her dad's hands as if she understood the conversation and wanted a say in her middle name.
"I think she agrees," Erin speaks for her little one, "and I think I do too. Emma October Halstead, it'll take some getting used to and middle names aren't used or acknowledged that often anyway."
Jay helps her lower and get seated into the car before replying, "…and you know what they say about middle names anyway," she turns her head to look at him, his face hovering centimeters away from hers as she waits for his answer, "its sole purpose is so a kid can know when they're really in trouble." She pushes him back, snickering and shaking her head to herself as the door shuts and he jogs around to the driver's side. Emma October Halstead, yeah, it'll take some getting used to especially because that month is not commonly used as a name, but hey, a unique name for a special girl. Emma October Halstead, your mama absolutely cannot wait to meet you.