Halstead stands face to face with him. Eric remains in the hallway, confused as to why a strange man is answering Erin's door. He doesn't get a chance to ask before the guy starts interrogating him, "Who are you really? Erin doesn't have a boyfriend. And I've never heard of you. I'm pretty sure if she had a boyfriend, I would have at least heard of your name."
"I have no reason to lie," Eric brushes past him to enter without invitation, "and I don't owe you an explanation. And what are you even doing here? Who even are you?"
Eric steps further inside, one foot moving in front of the other until he stands in her living room, swiveling his head around to take in his surroundings. He sees toys and a large stuffed animal, both of which sparks more confusion than anything else, "Let me guess, that big heart of Erin got her opening her home up to you and your kid, you met her through her work as a social worker," Eric says it as if he knows he's right, smirking devilishly because he truly thinks he's clever, but when Jay shakes his head, the grin doesn't leave Eric's face, it simply stretches wider as he thinks of the next possible answer. Eric frowns at the obnoxiously large purple octopus over in the corner, stumped at the toys decorating her apartment. He shoves his hands into his pockets and turns around to face the guy that answered the door, "Are you her roommate or something?"
"…or something," Jay responds. He cups his elbows as his arms rest crossed over his chest. He tilts his head, taking the man in. Eric is larger than him in mass, but Jay stands above him in height.
"So…" Eric starts, shrugging his shoulders as his mild annoyance grows, "where is she?"
"Sleeping, maybe you should come back at a better time, preferably when the sun is up."
Eric frowns, absolutely taken aback by the suggestion, "Erin invited me here so I'm staying."
"Look man it's too late for all of this," Jay tries to talk him down, hoping that an honest expression will postpone whatever Eric has planned at least until a reasonable hour, "I'm tired, you had a long flight so you're probably tired too. I'm not waking her up tonight so you can come back in the morning," Eric opens his mouth to argue, but Jay holds his hand up to cease his words, "it wasn't really an option. I'm hoping you'll leave on your own, but if not, I'll kick your ass out myself."
"If you touch me, I'll call the cops."
"And if you call the cops, I'll respond to the call. We haven't had a proper introduction Detective Jay Halstead," Jay extends his hand, yet Eric doesn't bother shaking it. He drops his hand back to his side when he realizes that Eric has no intent on shaking it. Jay took a step back, prepared to walk backwards towards the front door to ensure Eric follows him out when he notices the hall light come on and out step Erin, tying the strings of her robe around her waist to secure it shut.
Her brows are creased. Her eyes are adjusting to the light. Milo stands at her feet, sitting and patiently waiting for a command. He doesn't roam too far, wanting to stay between the intruder and the bedroom that houses the baby. She covers her mouth to yawn and uses the other hand to run through her hair, straightening out the bed head that she was sporting, "What's going on?"
Eric swivels around at the sound of her familiar voice. Milo didn't like or appreciate the speed in which he did it so he moves forward until Erin extends her hand, halting him in his step, "Stay," she orders, then her eyes flicker back to Eric. Her mouth opens and closes, no other words coming out. She's speechless. She's taken aback and caught off guard. Erin flicks her gaze over Eric's shoulder, reading Jay's expression, he's concerned for her, he has questions, and he wants to know what she wants him to do. He's willing to kick the guy's ass if she asks, but she shakes her head and extends her opposite hand out towards him, halting him just as she had done with Milo.
"Eric," she chokes back his name, not expecting to say that name anytime in her near future, "What are you doing here? What-why are you here?"
He doesn't answer, instead, he steps forward, causing for Milo to naturally step forward. Her bedroom door forgotten and Milo moves into a stance in front of his human, baring his teeth in warning to the untrusted man. Jay to the back, Milo to the front, if there was ever a time for Eric to make an unannounced visit to her home, now would be it. Erin's gaze breaks from her ex and averts to her dog, she crouches down and starts rubbing behind his ears, "It's okay Milo," she kisses the top of his head, "it's okay, you're such a good boy. Do you want a treat?" Her dog's gaze pulls away when he hears the t-word, and Erin chuckles before standing up straight and looking over Eric's shoulder to meet Jay's gaze, "Can you get him a treat please?"
Jay doesn't want to leave her side, not even for a moment, but when she stands in silence, pleading with her gaze for him to do this for her, he nods. He goes to the kitchen, but he leaves Milo because he has every intention of bringing the treat to the living room rather than bring Milo to the kitchen.
If he can't watch her back for a moment then at least Milo can; he's not going to let anything happen to her. Though Jay thinks if Eric is smart, he wouldn't try anything, especially with a cop around. He's not going to be gone long, she knows it, but she needs a second to process what's happening and she can't do that with him looking at her with so much worry in his eyes. Her deep, internal thoughts are suddenly broken when a question is posed, "You babysitting?" Eric chuckles, waving his hand around the living room to show her why he asked. The obnoxious laugh that comes out following his lousy joke reminds her once again why she ended things with him, "Who in their right mind would leave you with their baby?"
"Um," Erin squeezes her eyes shut and scratches the center of her forehead, "She's mine."
"…you adopted her?"
She reopens her eyes, "No Eric, I had her. She's mine in every sense of the word."
For the first time in probably his entire life, Eric is speechless. He shakes his head as a dumbfounded expression crosses his face, "I don't think I understand. We haven't seen each other in a while Erin, and based on the toys, it's pretty obvious that the kid's a baby, there's no way she could be mine."
"…and that's because she isn't!"
"If I'm not the dad, then who is?"
Jay doesn't say a word, he simply clears his throat then steps forward to give Milo a treat. Her dog stays put, drops the treat to the floor and then lays at her feet. The treat wasn't enough of a distraction to get him to do what he usually does and that's carry it over to his doggy bed, lay inside, hold it between his two paws and gnaw at the end of it. Nope, he stays put, eating it right here in between she and Eric, which was probably a good idea considering how he's looking at her right now, "Oh, so you move away to play house with some strange man you just met?"
"That's not what's going on and that's not what happened."
"Then what happened?"
"I don't have to answer to you."
"If you want my forgiveness then you do."
"What makes you think I want your forgiveness?"
"Hmm," Eric mockingly taps his chin in thought, before reaching into his back pocket to withdraw his phone, "let me think, maybe it's the apology I got from you or the message practically begging me to come visit you, to take you back," he flashes said message in her direction, holding the phone in front of her long enough for her to read it, "Or maybe it's the history we have together, the history of you begging me to take you back? I only came to see you grovel but," his eyes flickered over to a toy briefly before turning back to her, "I don't even think that would be enough to work. I considered taking you back, but not to be someone's stepdad."
Jay steps forward after reading the email from over her shoulder, and out of instinct, Erin reaches her arm out, gripping his shoulder to tug him back. She can see his chest rising and falling, noticing one of his hands clenching at his side. She's never had anyone naturally want to protect her like this, to defend her honor and check someone for speaking to her with such disgust in his tone, but she didn't need this escalating and all Jay and Milo would manage to do is escalate things. Erin squeezes her eyes shut, "Can you check on Emma for me, Jay?" He knows she's trying to get him far away from Eric, whether it's to protect him from getting into a physical exchange with the man or to protect her from having to embarrassingly deal with whatever Eric may say about her that Jay doesn't know about yet.
"Emma is fine," Jay makes no move to leave.
Erin doesn't give up, "Please," she's desperate for him to go.
"but-"
"Please!"
"Okay," he throws his hands in the air out of defeat, not because he's happy about giving in but because he knows she won't stop asking him until he does, "I'll be right back. I'm in the other room, if you need me, just say the word and I'll be back by your side."
He makes it a point to kiss the side of her head, pressing his lips against her temple and using the glare in his gaze to send a silent warning. Jay leaves, but he ensures that Milo stays.
Erin stands alone with him, only Milo's presence sitting next to her feet comfort her enough to not bolt, change her mind or call Jay to come back into the room. He'll be back, he just went to pop in on the baby, and she told him he can go, she practically ordered him to do it. She's fine, she repeatedly tells herself, even as Eric looms above her, intimidating her with his gaze and his stance, she reminds herself once again that she's fine, she can do this, she can face him.
"I swear Erin," he shakes his head and chuckles as if he's about to crack a joke, "you make it so difficult to love you. Being with you has never been an easy job," she swallows roughly, already starting to feel angry with herself that she's not speaking up, she always told herself that if she saw him again, she'd be ready, she'd be empowered to speak up, but her words fail her, she's gone mute, "Come on, don't go quiet on me," he reaches for her hand and she's of sound enough mind to snatch it away, "I was kidding. Why are you always overreacting?"
"…because," she licks her chapped lips, "when we were together, you used to always do that and I always thought you were right, you'd say the meanest things to hurt me, to weaken my self-esteem, to bring me down and then you'd ridicule me for genuinely feeling bad for what you said."
"Let's not do that," he pinched the bridge of his nose, displaying obvious frustration, "stop bringing up the past and move the fuck on. You don't see me here bringing up every one of your mistakes."
Erin stands dumbfounded, slowly but surely, she's finding her voice, the one that left her when she needed it the most, however it's not coming fast enough. She knows what she wants to say but she doesn't have the courage to say it. A part of the toxicity in their relationship came from him constantly bringing up the past in order to accuse her of things, but in the rare moments that she'd bring it up, it suddenly becomes time for her to move on. Eric has never been one for accountability and responsibility. The history of things he'd say to her were truly hurtful. He'd make her feel unlovable, as if he was doing her a favor by being with her. And when that's said to her nearly every day, it's no wonder she started to believe she wasn't worthy of love.
"I know that look Erin, you're overthinking. Get out of your head, it never leads you to a good place," he snaps his fingers in front of her face as if aiding her in breaking from her reverie.
It's weird, hindsight is truly 20/20. The trajectory of their relationship had always been on a downward spiral but she'd been so consumed in being practically brainwashed to think that how he spoke to her was out of love, was out of obligation to her. It took her leaving the relationship and getting therapy to even realize the makeup of her relationship was abusive. When she was in the midst of this relationship, she'd never call it that because he had never laid a hand on her and she didn't want to downplay the term abuse by filing her relationship under that. But she knows better now, and when you know better, you do better. He was psychologically, emotionally and verbally abusive in the way that he'd insult, intimidate, isolate, threaten, shame, stonewall, blame and humiliate her. She bats her eyes, blinking out the tears as she reflects on her younger self, feeling sorry for the girl who thought he was the best she could do.
"I deserve better than you," she finds the courage to whisper.
And if the expression on his face hadn't changed, she would have assumed he hadn't heard her, but he did. He's taken aback, and he takes a step back, tilting his head, "I think that has to be the stupidest thing I have ever heard you say," and once again, he does what he does best, dismiss her, "and I've heard you say some pretty stupid and idiotic things, Erin. You always try to ruin a good thing. You're overreacting just like you always do," and here he is doing what he does second best, gaslight her, "Maybe I should have come by at a decent hour, you're obviously sleep-deprived with the kid and all and now it has you being too sensitive."
Jay returns in that moment, and Erin, despite giving him permission to take care of a basic need, is so happy to see him back. He moves to stand a few feet behind her, reminding her with his presence that though he was in another room, he wasn't gone, he wasn't out of earshot.
"I think it's time for you to leave," he steps forward, part of his body blocking hers. His hand waves in the direction of the door, but when Eric doesn't budge, Jay's shoulders tense, "maybe I should have rephrased how I worded that because I wasn't giving you a choice in this."
Erin never thought she'd have to see or face Eric again. She thought she left him behind in New York, yet here he is in her living room, ignoring Jay and facing her. She feels every part of her regressing, trying to go back to the passive woman she was when she initially dated him. The woman she is today, the one that ended things with him, that drove miles from New York to Illinois to get away from him and move back was threatening to cower just at the sight of him and the memories his appearance caused her to revisit.
"I-I-I-"
"I-I-I what Erin?" He mocks her nervous stutter, "use your words, think and then speak."
"Hey man," Jay rocks side to side on his feet, utilizing his frustration in a way that doesn't lead to him punching Eric dead center of his face, "It's really no need to talk to her like that. If you want to have a conversation like an adult then by all means, please do, but if you want to continue knocking her down, disrespecting her, the second she gives me the word, I'm kicking your ass out and I dare you to come back when I'm not around."
Eric whips his head in Jay's direction, "I didn't realize I was talking to you."
"You didn't have to realize that, as long as you realize that I'm talking to you then we're good."
Erin feels her eyes water, picturing the last time she saw him. The anger on his face, the malice in his words and the aggression in his body language. The way Eric is acting now is him being on his best behavior which says a lot. And that's only because Jay is here. She'd hate to see how he would act or what he would say if Jay wasn't here. She looks over to Jay, her eyes showing the desperation in her gaze, practically begging him to stay nearby, and unbeknownst to her, Jay had not planned on going anywhere, even if she wanted him to leave again, he wouldn't. He couldn't. Not with Eric using his build to silently intimidate her, not with Eric looking like he's holding restraint.
"So, you got the boy toy speaking up for you, he's your mouth piece now? You really can't do anything right, huh?" He moves closer, and Jay moves further in front of her, only stopping when Erin sidesteps him to walk around, giving access to Eric to reach her, to stand practically chest to chest, his mouth hovering near her ear, "This is the problem with you Erin, you're too weak," he pokes her in the shoulder, "you've always been weak," he pokes her again, "and nobody can change that but you, but you're too weak to see that, to do anything about that." His tone drops, he whispers that into her ear before following it up with, "I don't even know why I bothered to fly out. I thought you'd change. You only changed for the worse though, I mean, look at you, you've gained weight, your hair isn't done, it's longer too, I don't like that, it doesn't work for you. The shoulder length was more your style, not this," he grabs the end strand of her hair until she tugged her hair back, snatching it out of his hold, "I gave you the benefit of the doubt. And that's egg on my face because the only thing that is different about you is the fact that you've been whoring it out with anyone that winks in your direction." He steps back and he finds pleasure in the tremble of her jaw. It's the only way he knew his words had gotten to her.
And Jay had noticed it too, "What did you say to her?"
"It's none of your business."
And Eric couldn't turn away because the arm that isn't wrapping itself around her shoulders is reaching out for him, gripping his wrist pretty tightly and pulling him back, "I'm making it my business. What did you say to her?" And when it looks as if Eric does not plan on answering, Jay looks over Eric's shoulder to meet Erin's eyes and he repeats his earlier question, "What did he say to you? You can tell me, what did he say?"
Erin doesn't answer Jay because she's too focused on recirculating the words Eric had just said to her. It's something about them, the tone of his voice, the volume, the malice, all of it that switches some type of trigger within her, that has her reaching out for Jay's arm, stopping him from nearly ripping it out of Eric's socket, "You just love picking at me," she starts and her voice appears to be stronger than it has since he arrived, "you say it's hard to love me, that being with me is sooo hard, but yet you flew all this way to try and get me back. You've always had the option to leave, to walk out of the relationship but you never did, you chose to stay and make me feel awful about myself, you made me feel not good enough to be with you, to be in your presence and any time I thought about leaving or mentioned taking some time apart, you sunk your hooks in deeper."
"If you believe any of what you just said, something is seriously wrong with you."
"The only thing that is wrong with me is that I'm entertaining this conversation right now."
"What the fuck has gotten into you? You're acting like a certified bitch."
Jay steps forward and Erin's hand swings out, stopping him in his tracks as her eyes glower at Eric, glaring at him with the same energy he's glaring at her, "I've been called worse by better people. It was working at first but that's because you caught me off guard and I obviously forgot who I was, but you're going to have to try harder now. It's not going to work."
"You're trying to make me out to be someone I'm not. I don't know what you have been telling people," Eric's head whips in Jay's direction, "I don't know what she's been telling you, but it's all a lie. That's what she does, that's what she's good at, she lies! It's pathological."
"You're going to stop talking about her like that," Jay says calmly, which only makes Erin nervous. She felt better when he was angry and upset, but this relaxed expression has her on guard.
"Why? It's not like I'm lying. Nothing that I have said was a lie! You'll realize it soon, hell, the only reason you probably haven't realized it now is because she busts her legs wide open to let you hit at any-" a fist to the face stops all conversation. Eric stumbles back, cradling his jaw as he glowers in Jay's direction, seething through his bloody teeth at the man that had the audacity to strike him, "Have you lost your fucking mind?"
"I warned you. I told you to stop talking about her like that."
Eric doesn't respond to him, his gaze lands back on Erin and he's pissed, his face turning a dark shade of red and if it wasn't so late at night, he'd scream to the point that it'd wake her neighbors.
"I can't believe I was with you for all that time. What the hell was I thinking?" Eric throws his head back, his free hand palming his forehead, "I can't believe I even wanted you back when you added nothing to the relationship. All you were at good at was a good lay and even that changed after the guys ransacked the place," he clips, rolling his eyes as if he was the one done wrong, "I hate that they ruined you. That was the last thing I wanted for you." Eric spits blood out of his mouth, not caring that it lands on her floor and seeps into her carpet. He's unbothered by it considering he blames her for why his mouth is bleeding in the first place. He bit his tongue when punched and neither of them offered him a paper towel or an icepack.
"Why-" it's her first time speaking up in a while, she's trying to remember the advice she'd gotten from her therapist and the encouraging words she'd share with Jay, but it's always easier to give advice rather than to take it, "why'd you say the guys? You said it like you knew who they were," and that piece shuts him up. All he could do is scoff, "and you said that was the last thing you wanted as if you wanted them to do everything else? What are you-what's? Eric, did you know them? Did you know the men that trashed the place? That beat me up?"
"You already asked me that and I already answered. I'm not answering that again."
"So, you did…" she states flatly, reading his expression much differently than she did years ago.
"You can tell yourself whatever the hell it is you want to believe. I don't have to answer to you."
"What about answering to me?" Jay flashes his badge, stashed in the back of his sweatpants, "the statute of limitations is not up yet. And it sounds to me like we got a confession."
Eric whips his head in Jay's direction, showing all his teeth as he smiled at him, "If you have any questions for me, please go ask my lawyer. I'd be happy to give you his number if you ask kindly, and last, I check, no crime happened here and New York city is not your jurisdiction," he remarks, then whips his head back to face Erin, "look, I came here to give you another once, which the opportunity for is slowly diminishing the more you act like this. You-"
"I don't want another chance. I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than be with you again."
"You'll change your mind, I'm sure of it," his words are accompanied by a knowing smile that's just as obnoxious as his words, "The only things that seem to come out of your mouth lately is lies and stupidity," his arms cross and the smug smile that appears on his face, Jay wants to knock off.
It doesn't go ignored that he once again dismissed her, he once again assumed he knows what's right for her, while the unsaid assumption is that she clearly does not know her own mind. Jay steps forward, and Erin immediately reaches out for his arm, already knowing why, but this isn't his fight, it's hers. It's her turn, even if it's taking her awhile, she got this.
Erin watches another drop of blood fall from his split lip to the floor, adding to the smallish pool that's already collected. She rubs her nose with the back of her hand and turns to face Jay, knowing to expect resistance upon her next request, "Can you grab a paper towel?"
"No," he shakes his head, gaze automatically averting over to Eric, "how about you get the paper towel and I stand here? I told you I wasn't leaving your side again."
"Please," her eyes widen; her pupils moisten, "I got this. I didn't at first but I do now."
Jay kisses her temple, holding it longer than he did the last time, before pointing in Eric's direction and giving him a grave warning, "You stay over there. You don't touch her. You don't say anything to her while I'm gone. If you do, I'll make sure the left side of your lip matches the right." His face is red, his glare is dead set on Eric's face, portraying the intensity in his gaze. Erin squeezes his wrist, encouraging him to go and then turns to face Eric, finding a bit of humor in the fact that he hasn't said anything which only means he's heeding Jay's warning.
"When he comes back with the paper towel, I want you to take it and then I want you to leave."
"Should I come back tomorrow? Maybe we can revisit our conversation?" He sounds kinder, but she knows this is his tactic, this is how he manipulates her. And she would always fall for it.
Not this time though…
This time she's going to say a lot of what she's been wanting to say since she last laid eyes on him, and even though she's not as confident as she wanted to be when facing him again, there's still a flare of something burning within her that's pushing her to voice the long buried thoughts that had been hidden away since the midst of their relationship, "You never loved me as much as you loved yourself, no matter what you tell yourself or tell me, we both know that's true," Jay reenters the living room, paper towel in hand and he flings it in Eric's direction despite the fabric not having enough weight to reach him, it simply withers to the floor, "You were the worst decision I've ever made. I don't want to make that again. I don't regret much but I do regret dating you, Eric. I feel sorry for the next person that has to date you. Please have mercy on them."
"Oh well, it's your loss darling," he swipes up the paper towel and presses it against his lip before tossing a wink in her direction and turning on his heel, "Have a nice life, Erin."
"Without you, I know I will."
Jay follows behind him, reaches past him to open the door, and when Eric's smug smile is tossed in his direction, Jay doesn't have the patience to wait for another remark, he's shoving him out and then slamming the door. Once the door is locked, Jay turns on his heel and releases a loud breath of air, "So, that bastard was your ex-boyfriend?" Erin slowly nods, "I can't even imagine you with that asshole. How'd you put up with him for so long?"
"The Erin you know today was far from the Erin that dated him," she flopped down on the couch feeling emotionally exhausted from the verbal sparring, "I wish you didn't have to hear that."
"Hey," he rushes over to her side, extending his arm to wrap around her shoulders before pulling her in, "you've heard and seen plenty of my arguments with Abby, it's nothing Erin."
"No, it's not nothing. I always told myself when I see Eric again, I'm going to speak my mind and show him that I'm not the girl he can just bully and hurt, but I choked. I fucking clammed up."
Her jaw is clenched. Her shoulders are tense. Her mouth is dry. She's starting to feel flushed and she can practically feel her heart rapidly beating inside of her chest. She's angry with herself, fucking pissed off at being caught off guard. She covers her face with her hands, blowing steam out of her mouth and ears, "I always told myself," She drops her hands so he can hear her clearly, "I always said that if I ever ran into him again, I'd stare him down. That I wouldn't let him see me sweat. I had a whole speech prepared in my head that I fucking rehearsed in front of a mirror months after my break up, all of that was useless. I was stone cold silent for more than half of the conversation, I stuttered, I couldn't meet his eyes most of the time, seeing him took me back to that girl, and I promised myself when I moved here that I would never be that girl again."
Jay ran his hand up and down her back before settling it on her shoulder and squeezing, "You were amazing," she opens her mouth to dispute that and he shakes his head, stopping her, "I'm serious."
"You're being nice!" She pushes his arm off of her and stands up; she doesn't want to be comforted right now, "you're always being nice, to everyone, to me, to my dad, to Abby, to people that don't freaking deserve it! Jay, you don't know how much work I put into ensuring I don't feel like this again," her voice cracks on that last word, "I did all that work and him visiting me for an hour brought all of that crashing down. What kind of a role model does that make me for Emma?"
"…an amazing one! I mean, come on Er," he rises to his feet and extends his hand towards her, only for her to step back, "you're being hard on yourself. This was your first time seeing him in years, this was your first time seeing him since you started therapy, and you seeing him wasn't even under your permission, you were caught off guard. Anybody in your shoes would have reacted the same," she gave him a look, one that he read perfectly well, "okay so you froze up in the beginning, it's way after midnight, you weren't expecting visitors and you definitely weren't expecting your ex-boyfriend. Freezing up is normal but once you thawed off, you gathered yourself and gave it to him. You told him how you felt. You stood your ground and most importantly you fucking showed him that nothing he said was getting to you."
"…but it did get to me," it's like the anger comes crashing down. Her shoulders slump, her voice is hoarse and cracking, and her hands are drawn into her chest as if to cover her heart.
No words come to mind that could offer her the comfort she needs, but actions do, so he swallows her up in his arms, tightening his grip around her to embrace her. She's sniffling, and the tears that start to fall, he can feel dampen his shirt. He kisses the top of her head, pressing his nose into the strands of her brunette hair. He rocks the two of them side to side, for who knows how long and he has no intention of stopping, that is until Emma gives them both a reason. She starts to cry, and both are grateful she hadn't woken up when Eric was here. Without even saying it, both are on the same page of not wanting him to meet or see her. Jay drops his arms, and Erin retreats, asking him with her gaze to check on the baby, "I'll be right back okay."
She nods.
Erin walks over to the window, viewing the outside, darkened sky. The city lights are always on and her mind gets a single second break when she temporarily wonders about the electricity bill of the city in total. Her thoughts are drawn back to Eric's visit, of feeling a lack of control with him showing up to her doorstep so late at night. She's grateful Jay was here because she has no idea how that would have turned out if she was alone. Milo would have been helpful but she doesn't put it pass Eric to kick a dog and then later blame the dog for why it was kicked.
"She has a slight cough," Jay's voice interrupts her silence. Erin looks over her shoulder to see him bouncing the baby in his arms as he walks closer.
"Is she warm? I should probably take her temperature."
"No, she's not warm at all," he feels her forehead and then her cheek.
"I'll take it just to be sure and if she still has the cough in the morning, I'll call her pediatrician."
Jay meets her at the window, and the baby struggles falling back to sleep. Every time she tries, she coughs and it only wakes her back up. Both feel guilty. Both want to take it away. Both truly feel powerless. Just another thing outside of Erin's control.
Erin turns around, now leaning her back against the window. She crosses her arms and stares down at the baby who is currently reaching her hand up to palm and feel the different textures around her daddy's face. She smiles at the innocent act before her thoughts drift back to everything that has happened in the last hour. She bites her lip, contemplating to herself, before the quirk of Jay's brow has her voicing her internal query, "I can't get over how he found out where I live. He said I messaged him that I wanted him back. I would never reach out to him. I'd never message him, especially some shit like that. It doesn't make sense."
"He showed me the message," Jay agrees, also finding it suspicious.
"I know, he showed me too, but it definitely didn't come from me."
"You think he made it up and had somebody send that to him?"
"No," Erin shakes her head, extending her hands to grab her baby, "at first I did, just for a brief second but my address was in that email and he would have no idea where I live. Someone I know that knows me enough to know my Chicago address sent that to him."
"…and do you have any idea of who that could be?"
"My mind automatically assumes Abby."
"…but she doesn't know Eric, she knows nothing about him, she doesn't even know he exists."
"I know which is why I know it can't be her. Logically I know it can't be her."
"Do you think maybe your parents or Kim reached out to him?"
"No, no, they'd never do that. Not in a million years."
"I mean you said they don't know the whole story of what happened so it's possible that he still looks good in their eyes. I didn't even know your ex-boyfriend's name until just now, the window of suspects is pretty narrow when you consider that detail as well."
"Kim knows the whole story now. And even if she didn't, neither she nor my parents would ever overstep like that. If I cut ties and end a relationship, they do the same."
Her breath hitches and her hand twitches, forcing her to hand the baby over to Jay out of fear that she may drop her. This is a lot to take in, this is a lot to process. She sees Emma gnawing on her fist, drool pooling around her wrist before dripping onto Jay's shoulder. She's wide awake despite the time, but Erin isn't too bothered by it either because she feels pretty awake too. Erin zoned out, staring out into the lights of the city that rivals New York for one that doesn't sleep. She presses her forehead against the windowpane, shutting her eyes and picturing the smug look on Eric's face when he noticed his words getting to her. She feels Jay's hand touch her shoulder, pulling her out of her thoughts, "If he comes back when I'm not here, you make sure you give me a call."
Erin simply nods, not offering no further words, she departs his side and disappears for a moment before returning with materials to apparently scrub the blood out of her carpet. She's on hands and knees, gloves protecting her hands, giving it all she got, and the more she scrubs, the more tears start to well up in her eyes. She zeros in, focusing in on every spec that fell and embedded itself in her carpet, "Er," he whispers, carefully lowering himself to the floor and setting the baby center of his lap, "when you get a chance, I think you should contact the detective that was in charge of your break-in and assault case to let him know about Eric's confession."
She pauses the cleaning and looks up to meet his eyes, "That was hardly a confession," she adds more chemical and gets back to scrubbing, "it'll just be my word against his."
"I'll back you up if you don't think your word is enough to hold."
"I'm making peace with how things are," she shrugs, wiping her sweating forehead with the side of her arm before resuming the scrubbing process, "some things are outside of my control."
"I don't think you should give up."
Erin's head whips up in his direction, "…and I don't recall saying that I want or need your advice especially considering all the mess you have going on with Abby." The moment she says it is the moment she feels guilty for it, "I'm sorry," she immediately apologizes, "that was wrong of me, I had no right to say that especially because you were only trying to help. All I can say is I'll think about it," and that's enough for him. He nods, takes the direction on where the baby thermometer is and then goes to check Emma's temperature while Erin finishes cleaning up.
Emma has no fever, which is a huge relief and does ease them a bit, but both of them do manage to stay a little worried. Erin starts putting her back into it, wanting all traces of Eric being here gone. Even as Emma does tummy time and Jay joins her, the two of them having fun at this late hour, she still stays focused on the stain. She changes angles to tackle the stain from the opposite side, but when she lowers her head for closer inspection, she spots a stain, one looking like dried blood imprinted on the base corner of the living room wall, "That's weird."
"What's weird?" Jay lifts his head, mimicking Emma's tummy time position.
"I think this is dried blood," she crawls towards the corner to look closer, "it's definitely dried blood but it can't belong to Eric, he wasn't bleeding right here and it wouldn't have dried that quick," she takes the rag and scrubs the base, cleaning up the blood.
"…maybe it came from your mom when she stayed over?"
Erin shakes her head, "No, she would have mentioned it, and besides most days I slept in the living room so I would have been there when it happened."
Just like the mystery of who sent the email, this one appears to have to go unsolved too. Once the stain is completely gone, she starts to feel better. And when Emma looks up at her with those wide, green eyes, it practically cheers up her sour mood. Erin gives her hands a deep clean before lifting up her girl and cradling her in her arms, "I'm sleepy but I don't think I'll be able to get any sleep."
"Random question," Jay announces, pushing himself up to his feet, "how come she has all those shoes but never wears them? At least I never see her wear them."
"I figured skipping shoes made sense, at least until she starts walking. It's no point for them now."
He looks down at Emma's sock clad feet, keeping her little toes warm, and he reaches out to tickle the bottom of them. She simply kicks his hand away and then coughs, drawing both of their attention in, "Even if you could sleep, I don't think we'll get much with this coughing."
"It just came out of nowhere," Erin comments, patting the baby's back. She went to sleep with no cough and woke up with one. The new parent that she is makes her naturally want to panic over every ailment, she wishes she can take it all away and fight it herself, but all she can do is hover.
Erin lays the baby down in the center of her yellow blanket, smiling down as she whimpers. She reaches for the corners, folding them over her infant until she's securely swaddled. She picked up on swaddling almost immediately so at least she had that going for her. Her heart nearly melts at the stretch of her jaw. Jay comes carrying in infant cough medicine, reading the directions over and over again until it's memorized, "Are you sure we shouldn't contact her doctor first?"
"We'll give her half the recommended dose. She needs something to help that cough."
With shaky hands, Jay pours the liquid into the dropper then hands it over to Erin. He hovers close as she coaxes her mouth open and then drops the liquid inside. Both of them chuckle at the look on the baby's face from the taste of the grape flavored cough syrup, "All done," Erin cheers.
Jay takes the medicine out and when he returns, he discovers Erin sitting in the middle of her bed, back resting against the headboard with the pillows propped up right behind her, providing enough cushion for her lower back. Her lower back hasn't been the same since she gave birth; the epidural definitely had some lasting effects but with the baby currently laid in her lap, it was hard to have any regrets about it. She's so tiny and adorable and dressed in only a diaper because she had gotten a refreshing sponge bath before her nightly slumber. No longer swaddled, Erin moves Emma to the center, inviting Jay to sit down and join them, "I need a favor before you sit."
He pauses, hesitating right before crawling onto the bed, "What's up?"
"In the closet of her nursery, top drawer to the right there's baby clippers, can you grab them?"
"You're about to do that now?"
"If not now then when? I've put it off long enough and besides we're all up. We might as well get it over with, preferably before she scratches herself again."
"Where are those hand mitts that's supposed to prevent this?"
"She cries when they're on. She hates them."
With no further pushback, Jay does what's asked of him and goes to retrieve the nail clipper. On his way back, he glances towards the time on the cable box, reflecting it to be a little past two in the morning. If they don't go to sleep soon, they're not going to be able to function in the morning.
"We should probably hit the hay soon."
"Yeah, well, that's much easier said than done," she catches the clippers when they're tossed.
"You're such a good baby," Jay coos, crawling closer to her on the bed, "and you're just so sweet and innocent and beautiful," he's gently holding onto her kicking legs, trying, and failing, to keep her still as Erin carefully clips her nails. It's absolutely terrifying. Petrifying. Frightening really.
"We should have kept her swaddled for this."
Erin rolls her eyes, "I need access to her fingers. Swaddling covers them." When she talks, she pauses the clipping, not wanting to be distracted and accidentally harm her in the process, "I just need you to be still just a little longer baby girl while mama clips those long nails of yours," Erin looks to Jay, silently pleading with him to hold her still, "…almost," Erin bites her lip in concentration, "done," after the last nail is clipped, Erin runs her finger along each of them to ensure one wasn't missed. And when she's satisfied with her findings, she relaxes back in bed.
None of them are going to get any sleep anytime soon. Not her. Not Jay. And definitely not Emma.
"I start work next week."
He lifts Emma and moves her to his lap, his brow furrowing because he must have mixed the dates up, he assumed she was to start this week, "It sounds like you're not happy about it."
"Ha," she dry laughs because that's the understatement of the century "Kim wants me to go out for drinks with her next weekend, she says I'm turning into an old maid."
"I think you should take her up on that. The team and I are going to Molly's next Saturday for drinks and you should come, it'd be nice if you both joined us, I thought about mentioning it but then figured you probably wouldn't be interested, but I think after almost a month with this girl," he tickles Emma's tummy, "you deserve a drink and the least I can do is buy you one."
Erin bites down on her lip and then whispers, "I'll think about it," and when Jay grins widely, she raises her hand to stop him, "no promises though."