Erin mentally calculates how much sleep she'll get if she watches one more episode of a show she's been binge-watching. She's back to work tomorrow -since her days of working from home during this late summer storm- and if she plays her cards right, she'll go right back to sleep, not continue her show because knowing her one more episode will lead to one more episode after that and another one after that and so on. Instead, she finds herself spending time on her phone, dividing her time between different games and social media platforms, only rolling over to the other side of her bed when she has enough battery power on her cell.
She scrolls through social media, skipping over breaking news that could potentially ruin her night and affect her sleep and settles on animal voiceovers, smiling to herself and covering her mouth to suppress an infectious laugh that really wants to come out. Her sanity cannot afford to wake her baby up at this time of night because she has come to realize that waking Emma up after two and before four is a recipe for disaster. That must be when Emma is in her deepest stage of sleep because unless she wakes up on her own, she's a total disaster if someone else does it.
With the threat of laughing approaching her soul, she swipes out of the app and shuts off her phone. She should be going to sleep anyway. If Emma sticks to the routine she developed in the last week, then Erin knows she'll be unpleasantly woken up at six in the morning, before the sky even thinks about entertaining a rise. Erin rolls over to face the bassinet, unable to see her kid from this angle but knowing that she's safe, warm and cozy nestled into the cradle. She's been in their lives for barely two months yet it's safe to say that neither of them can remember, or do not want to remember, a time without her, a time without her smiles and the pure joy she brings. It's a safe reminder and thought to have before sleep, knowing that it tends to bring sweet dreams.
But, just as Erin had expected, the sounds of Emma's wails wake both her and Milo up. Erin is a bit more forgiving than the dog, that much is known when he huffs and decides to leave the bedroom to find a semblance of quiet in the living room. It's an early start to her day, as usual, and even though she'd love to follow and copy Milo, she couldn't leave her little babe hanging, and besides Kim will be here in an hour and it'd be good for her if she showered to redress in another pair of pajamas and made herself presentable enough to at least look the part of having it all together. And besides, they're working from home, and they do have a virtual meeting scheduled in two hours. Emma's cries settled once her belly was full, she was moved to the crib and Milo followed to take his usual spot in front of her crib, walking in three circles before flopping down and curling into a ball to fall asleep with his little sis. Erin grabs the baby monitor and cracks the door behind her when she walks out. She turns right, rather than her usual left, in order to stop by the guest room, she heard him return about an hour before she fell asleep. She knows he came to her room, and poked his head inside to see if she was up, but she pretended to be asleep. It was late, and the last thing she felt like doing was talking, nevertheless, arguing about Abby.
Now it's a new day, and she couldn't avoid it forever, however when she knocked on the door, heard no answer and then peeked her head inside, she found the bed empty and perfectly made up, almost as if he didn't sleep in it at all. She's confused, now questioning her short-term memory and wondering if last night was a dream. She goes to her bedroom next and grabs the phone she shut off to find a missed call and a text message from him- I got a call from Voight, an emergency. I was hoping to talk to you this morning but it'll just have to wait until I'm back.
It feels like a form of domesticity with him being mindful enough to send her a text when he leaves. She shouldn't read much into it but it does feel nice, and potentially something she can get used to with him staying with her, -no worries, be safe, talk to you when you get back, I'm just hoping it's better news than the last update you told me.
She doesn't read much into him not responding back. It's pretty typical when he gets a new case, especially when you consider he may be at the actual crime scene right now. The most she wants from him right now is a guarantee that he'll stay safe. She pushes Jay, his job and Abby to the back of her mind so she can enjoy a long shower. And by the time she's done, dried off, lotioned and dressed, Kim has messaged her that she just parked and is heading up. Erin unlocks the door for her, alerting Milo to the eventual presence of a new guest and he squeezes through the cracked nursery door to go take watch at the front. Erin disappears to the kitchen to start the coffee, and once it starts to brew, Kim is coming through the door bearing gifts, a bone for Milo and another freaking toy for Emma, "Seriously Kim" Erin's frustration is evident, "she doesn't need anymore toys, my place is starting to look like a toy store."
"First of all Erin," Kim kicks off her shoes, "she can never have too many toys."
"Yes she can, she very well definitely can have too many toys. She won't be able to play with them all," Erin takes the box and looks at the name, "Seriously, girl, a toy stroller, Emma can't even hold up her head yet and you're buying her a stroller for her babydoll."
"...consider it an early birthday gift," Kim shrugs, unbothered by her friend's theatrics.
Erin remarks, sarcastically, "What? For her third birthday?" She glances back at the box then looks up at her friend, "It says for ages three to five."
"They didn't have toy strollers for her age range."
"Yeah, I wonder why," Erin rhetorically asks, rolling her eyes before disappearing briefly to set the box down in the nursery, "that thing is going to collect dust."
"Look I didn't come here so my gift giving skills can be mocked, I came because what the hell?"
Erin immediately knows what Kim's what the hell was in regards to, it was completely about Abby and what she had been able to fill her in on when inviting her over. Since both of them are working from home today, Kim figured she'd join her co-worker at her place because she needed these details in person. It's hard for Kim to believe, and Erin gets it because it's hard for her to believe as well. All of this mess deserves the response of what the hell and what the fuck. Kim makes herself at home, and Erin makes her way to the nursery, picking up an awake Emma who is currently gnawing on her fingers, "I'll need to cut your nails soon Ems," Erin runs her finger along the edge of her baby's growing nails, "especially before you cut yourself," as a precaution, Erin swipes a pair of mitts and leaves the nursery, "put these on her please, I'm getting us some coffee."
Kim swipes the baby and waves Erin off because her body needs the coffee more than Emma needs her morning bottle. Though Emma might disagree with that, "Hi Little E," Kim lifts her up and lays a smooch to the baby's cheek, "I swear you are the adorablest baby I've ever seen."
"Adorablest isn't a word," Erin corrects from the kitchen.
And Kim hollers back, "It is in my book!"
Emma frets a bit when the mitts go on but once she adjusts to them, Kim lays her down in the baby bouncer seat and plops the pacifier in her mouth to suppress any potential tears, "Whew, I don't know how you do it, I'm tired of parenting already."
"What did you do that consisted of parenting in the short time that you had her?" Erin chuckles from the kitchen. Her friend can be so dramatic, and even after the crack of dawn, her friend manages to find just enough dramatics to be a character.
"Besides putting the mitts on, I'm entertaining and keeping the baby from crying."
"Wow, a true nurturer."
"Shut up, but on a serious note, the Abigail issue. What is that bitch's problem?!"
Erin carries the handle of two mugs of coffee from her kitchen to the living room. Kim waits for her, one leg crossed over the other as her free hand manually sways Emma in the baby bouncer seat, true to her word in keeping the baby entertained. It seems to soothe the tense atmosphere that the caffeine in her coffee will inevitably penetrate, "Here you go," Erin lowers the mug carefully and Kim takes the handle with her free hand.
"Thanks babe," Kim groggily whispers, showing how tired she obviously is, and then she brings the warm beverage to her mouth and takes a warm sip, "Ahh, you know how I like it."
"You've liked it that way since high school," Erin cracks, holding her own mug between the palms of both hands, "thanks for coming over, I know it's pretty early, but I needed the company and a sounding board that isn't as directly involved as me and Jay."
"No problem at all, seriously Erin, I'm glad you called me, all of this is crazy and I'm honestly shocked and a little speechless about what you told me. I thought I had dreamt it last night until my alarm went off at such an ungodly hour," Erin had been filling Kim in on all the details last night and while she fixed the two of them some coffee, during the whole duration of being caught up, Kim found herself completely silent, not interrupting her friend's storytime to ask questions or to even utter a comment. She truly was at a loss for words. And on any other day, Erin would normally crack a joke about Kim of all people having no words, but she recognizes that nothing about any of this is funny. She wished it was but it was far from it.
"So, what are the two of you going to do about it?"
"There's nothing we can do."
Kim nearly chokes on her coffee when she hears that, "So you're stuck with a psycho bitch walking around with Little E's face tattooed on her? There has to be some type of law against that and if there isn't then maybe it needs to be. That's so creepy."
"I haven't been able to get much sleep. I've been googling up a storm to see what I can do, and maybe I'm not searching the right stuff but all I'm seeing on the internet is that you can only sue if it's trademarked and copyrighted, but other than that when it comes to stuff like getting a tattoo, it's kind of public domain, like we don't own the full rights to our image, at least not in that way. It's very confusing but from what I understand, my hands are tied. The only way I can get that tattoo removed is if I literally cut it off her body."
"I mean…" Kim shrugs her shoulders and hesitates for a partial second, "if you get some gauze and rubbing alcohol, I'll get the scalpel and we can take care of that as early as tonight."
Erin knows she's joking, at least a part of her thinks she is, but the serious look on Kim's face brings humor to such a serious situation. She couldn't help but smile and set her drink down on the coffee table in order to scoot closer to her friend and wrap her arm around her shoulders.
"I've only been her mom for two months and it just feels like I'm off to a horrible start."
"That's not really on you though," Kim rushes to defend her friend's parenting, "a lot of what's happening is outside of your control if we're being honest. Nothing short of you changing your baby daddy was in your power and now that's in the past so there's nothing you can do about that now. Everything else, if I'm being honest, is on Jay and Abby. You're doing what you can."
"You're biased," Erin rolls her eyes.
"I can admit that I am sometimes, but not this time. Seriously, you've told Jay probably a billion and one times that you don't like or trust Abby and that he should break up with her, that was all you could do, anything else was not in your control. I may be biased sometimes but that doesn't mean I'm not right. And I'm not saying this to drive a wedge between you guys, I'm happy you're getting your shit together and teaming up to take that psycho down, but we can't ignore how this all started and everything that played a role in all of this leading up to that tattoo. I just hate that Emma is mixed in all of this."
Erin drops her arm but continues to rest her head against Kim's shoulder, "I know…what happened to kids being off limits?"
"I think you're expecting a lot from a woman who has lost her marbles."
"Kim, I don't get it," Erin sits up, "It seems like I'm the only one angry about this. I'm the only one really talking about it. When I bring it up to Jay, he says he doesn't want to talk about it. Ignoring it doesn't make it go away! He's Emma's parent too and I'm the only one trying to figure out how to solve this shit that he's gotten us involved in."
"Before I respond to that, let me preface this by saying I'm not on anyone's side but Emma's and I think you're forgetting Jay is human and has a lot on his plate. He's lost his home basically to the crazy ex, he goes to work, sees the worst of the worst people then comes here just to be questioned. There's no break in that. And just because he doesn't want to talk about it doesn't mean he's doing nothing about it. That's just my opinion, I could be wrong." Kim shrugs.
"Okay let's say he is doing something about it, why not tell me? I'm Emma's mom, I deserve to know. He told me about the mess, why not tell me about the solution?"
"Maybe he wants to make sure it works? Maybe he doesn't want to hear you disagreeing if you don't like his idea? There are plenty of reasons for it."
"Yeah…"
"All I'm saying is cut him some slack. He's probably scared to bring you more bad news. You've dragged him enough," Kim chuckles at the look of guilt on Erin's face, "I know you meant no harm and you were just angry and feeling powerless, but the guy loves Emma just as much as you do and the moment you realize the two of you want the same thing for her and you're on the same side then the better things will be for your relationship with him and taking that girl down."
"See this is why I invited you over," Erin squeezes her friend's shoulder as a gesture of her thanks, "I knew you'd be able to speak some sense into me."
Kim's words circulate in Erin's mind for the next few minutes. She knows her friend is right, she is absolutely right. Jay isn't the enemy; he's her partner in this. Both of them have the same mission, just different ways of seeing it accomplished. Erin can honestly never deny Jay's love for their girl, he's not a bad dad, that thought had never crossed her mind because if she even felt he could possibly be a bad parent she would have kept Emma far away from him. She knows herself enough to know that the words she had said to him in any of their arguments were spoken with the wish that they were directed at Abby. Jay is a good man, a good dad, a good friend and an all around good human being. She wouldn't have given him the guestroom if he wasn't.
The two of them redirect their attention to the television once it's turned on. The news surrounds an active shooting event that just ended not too long ago. The scene is still blocked off, police tape up, entrances and exits blocked off, and Erin notices Intelligence in the background, realizing that's probably why Jay got called away. Both of them sit up, watching the breaking news, as Voight walks the handcuffed perpetrator out of the building and to his squad car.
"Shit," Erin grabs the remote to raise the volume.
Kim remarks, "Seriously, do bad guys not sleep? It's a little after seven in the morning."
"How does that saying go? No rest for the wicked."
"Yeah I'm pretty sure you're taking that saying literally and that's not what it means."
Erin pries her eyes away from the television, "What does it mean?"
"...basically eternal damnation for the bad guys."
She shrugs, "same thing."
"It's not, but okay."
Kim lifts a fussy Emma from the seat to cradle her in her arms as Erin reaches for her phone. She opens up her messages, not expecting any response from Jay considering where he'd been all morning, she taps his name and shoots off another message, -if you need to talk, I'm always available, and please be safe, this one -Erin attaches a picture of Emma- is waiting for you. She can see him on the edge of the screen, far in the background, and she hopes the cameraman doesn't cut away. Erin sees him pull out his phone, she watches as he checks his message and the smile that graces his face reminds her that they're teammates in all of this. She'd do anything to keep that smile on his face. She sees him about to respond until his name is called and his focus is redirected on the scene. He immediately puts his phone away to focus back on work. And that puts a smile on her face. She gets lost in the footage, the words of the reporter are mumbled as she feels the urge to do something nice for him overcome her when shortly after, her focus gets broken by Kim's words, "Do you think she'll stop?"
Erin looks over to see her friend gently bouncing Emma in her arms while supporting her neck, and knows that though they're watching the news, Kim's question had nothing to do with it, "What else can she possibly do?"
"You'll be surprised how crazy a crazy person can get."
"...and you'll be surprised how protective a mama can get, I dare her to try something else."
And Abby accepts the challenge. She smirks and closes out the app. She'd been dared, and unbeknownst to Erin, she had every intention of taking her up on it. The only question she asks herself is…what next? What can she do next that'll push Jay further from Erin and closer to her?
By the time an idea comes to mind, Jay is using his key to let himself in. He walks inside and locks the door behind him, twisting the knob to ensure it's done before making his way further inside. Music is playing in the background, the apartment is well-lit and he's greeted by Milo running up to him to get a few rubs in before he's distracted.
"Jay, is that you?" The melody of her voice calls out.
"Yeah, it's me," he follows her voice to the kitchen, coming to an abrupt stop as he takes in her appearance. Her hair is pulled up into a high ponytail. Small hoop earrings in her ears, a necklace with Emma's name spelt out around her neck and a light dusting of makeup brings out her features. The sight in front of him brought peace, and the icing on the cake was Emma fast asleep in the baby carrier strapped around her chest, "She wakes up every time I put her down," Erin says by way of explanation, as if reading and understanding the question on his face.
Everything about the scene is domestic. From letting himself in with his key and Milo greeting him at the door to the music playing in the background while Erin cooks with the baby strapped to her chest. She turns back to the food she'd been cooking up, leaving him to finish making his observations, "What are you making? It smells good."
"I made pot roast, with oven-roasted asparagus, garlic mashed potatoes and baked rolls."
He knew Erin could cook good enough to get by but he didn't think she had skill in making a meal like that. He didn't even think she had the things in her fridge to make that. And actually, now that he thinks about it, he knows she didn't have what she needed to make that. He walks further into the kitchen, and lifts the top of the pot to smell the buttery mashed potatoes, "Oh that looks so good. When'd you have the time to make this? Or to even go to the store to get the ingredients?" He eyes the receipt on the counter, noting the date of purchase was today.
"Instacart," Erin shrugs, "I started ordering groceries after the day I told you I had to make like ten trips from my car to carry up the groceries. Anyway that's not important," she turns to face him, grinning widely before tossing the overmitt onto the counter, "I made you dinner."
His brow quirks, "Not that I'm unappreciative but why?" He didn't expect this.
"You had a pretty rough day at work. I was watching the news and I can't imagine your work day today. And I know lately I've been a mad woman and probably not the best co-parent because of the Abby stuff and I wanted to do something nice for you. I'm cutting you some slack because I can't imagine how you're feeling with work, with Emma, and with Abby, and even though I don't like her, I get that you did, and the person she is today is not the one that you met."
Jay stares at her, he really stares at her, his eyes absorbing hers, seeping into her orbs, taking in her soul and he doesn't know what caused this version of Erin to appear in front of him right now, but he won't take it for granted. He's been overwhelmed, worked up, and if anybody asked him if he cried himself to sleep the night before, he'd deny it. The weight on his shoulders lifts, and without a second thought he takes two steps towards her to cup her face, to press his lips up against hers and then pulls back before either of their minds has a chance to catch up on what just happened, "Sorry," he blushes.
"No," she clears her throat, "uh, no need to apologize." She smiles. Erin turns back to the counter, trying to figure out what to do with her restless hands, choosing to reach above her head to grab two plates, "um, you probably want to get freshened up, dinner is almost ready."
He bashfully scratches the back of his head as he backs out of the kitchen, leaving Erin to focus on the remaining steps in making dinner.. And by the time he returns, showered and dressed, their plates are made, Emma is sleeping in her swing and Erin is pouring themselves a glass of wine. Honestly, if circumstances were different, he'd think this was a date. And to add on to the thought of it being a date, he doesn't hesitate in pulling out her chair and pushing it back in once she takes a seat, "Thanks," she smiles. And now it's her turn to feel bashful.
He takes the seat across from her, grabbing a napkin to lay across his lap before taking in the food, "This looks really good, Erin, I'm serious and it smells good too."
"Thanks," she repeats, pushing a loose strand of hair behind her ear, "It's actually my mom's recipe, um, I called her and she talked me through every step, we even face-timed so she could make sure I added the right amount of everything, so if you like it you have Camille to thank."
"Nah, I think you're the one to thank. You're the one who made it. I appreciate this," he clears his throat and then adds, "I appreciate you."
"Jay-"
"I'm serious Erin, we know these last few days have been an absolute mess and you gave me a place to stay after me and Abby broke up. You didn't have to do that but you did."
She falls quiet and stares down at her plate, now that the elephant in the room had been named, it's hard to avoid it, "How was your talk with her yesterday?"
"Honestly?" He asks, and Erin quietly nods, "we didn't get anywhere but I learned a lot."
"A lot about what?"
"Her true colors…"
"Jay-"
"Erin, I know what you're going to say. You're going to say you've already seen through her and that may be right but I'm sure you didn't see all of this." He pauses, his hands shake as he grabs his fork to eat, "The person she led me to believe she was is not the woman I spoke with yesterday," he chews before laying the fork down to empty his hand to reach for his glass of wine, "I confronted her about pretending to be you and inviting Eric here, I didn't really give her a chance to deny it but she admitted to it," Erin sucks in a large breath and holds it, wanting to reign herself in because this dinner is supposed to be about them connecting and planning, "she says it's because she was trying to do something nice for you and assumed that because y'all dated for so long that there's still a spark there but I can't believe anything she says," he grows upset with every word spoken, "can you believe that she's in competition with a baby?"
"With Emma?" Erin asks for clarification, reaching her hand out to cover his, hoping her touch is enough to calm him because if he gets worked up, then she's guaranteed to get worked up.
"Yeah! She made some remark about me choosing Emma over her, as if I'd ever choose her over my own kid," he shakes his head, wishing to knock the memory out of his mind, "then Erin, then she starts fucking beating herself," at that Erin's eyes widen, she knew the girl was crazy but she honestly didn't think she was that crazy, "she tried to act like I hit her!"
"That explains your text from last night, but what's to stop her from acting like you did hit her and pressing charges? That could ruin your career Jay, I don't even think my dad could get you out of something like that."
"I recorded her, she can try if she wants to, but that's all we need for a restraining order."
"You should have called her therapist and got her committed. She needs a psych eval."
"She'd have to have a therapist for me to call for that," Jay swipes his fork and starts stabbing at his food, shoving it in his mouth because it's the one decent meal he's had in awhile, "and before you ask, she had one then stopped going a while ago. She thinks I can do something for her that a therapist can't. I told her if she gets help and gets the tattoo removed then we'd start all over."
Erin stops eating, the last bite going down harder than expected, "You're going to give her another chance?" Now it's her that's shaking.
And it's him that nearly chokes on his food, "Hell no," just the thought almost made him lose his appetite, "but if that lie makes her remove Emma's face from her body then I damn sure will sell it." Erin grins, squeezing his hand to bring it up to her mouth to peck. He opens his fist to cup her cheek and she nestles the side of her face into the calluses on his hand, "thank you for the dinner and thanks for listening. I think we should talk about anything and everything that has nothing to do with Abby," Erin lifts her head and smiles at him, showing her agreement.
"What did you have in mind?"
"I know you wanted to start over and take things slow."
"Yeah…"
"We have a good meal and some delicious wine, both of which set us up for a great do-over."
"A do-over," she repeats, "how far back are you thinking?"
"Considering we share a baby," her eyes briefly avert to the swing to see Emma still asleep and then back to him, his eyes immediately connecting with hers, "we can probably skip the introductions, but I'd love to get to know the parts of you that no one else sees…or knows."
And that's all Abby needs to hear before she throws her phone across the room, the screen cracking immediately. She's fuming. Everything about what she just heard, what she just saw, sends her over the edge. Forget accepting Erin's challenge earlier, it's time to up the ante. She's keeping the tattoos since he doesn't intend on getting her back. She's not going back to her therapist since he doesn't plan on even being there for her. Instead the energy, the anger, the hurt she feels is building, and she has every intention of turning it into action. The only question she has for herself is when. When does she want to take the next step because once she goes for it there is no going back? She has to make sure she has the funds, the means, the transportation and the best plan in place to give Jay a fraction of the hurt he has given her. Nothing she has said or done has gotten the emotional reaction out of him than the tattoos of Emma. So, if Abby wants to hurt him, she knows just the person to do it. To hurt Emma would hurt Jay. To hurt Emma would hurt whatever chance of a relationship Jay thinks he's building with Erin. It's no way Erin would be able to look at, be with, or be in the same room with the man directly responsible for putting Emma in the crosshairs, for getting her hurt, for getting her killed.