A/N: Still from Lexa's POV. Enjoy!
Chapter 19: Sorting out the apples
Eventually, Lexa left Anya's rooms. The sun had already set, and she decided to check on the sky people. She inquired the guards she had assigned to Raven, Monty and Murphy's rooms. The mechanic had put the radio in a corner of the room, and was now working on the other devices they had brought up – smaller, portable radios and the ultrasound machine. Monty had gone to his room after his talk with his parents, and had not come out since. Murphy had briefly visited Raven after his lesson with the Nightbloods ended, and was likely downstairs to eat in the cantina.
Clarke, however, had left the Tower after the radio was turned off, to go to the city healers. Lexa knew the blonde usually went there in the morning, and often spent about an hour healing various people – rarely more as she still insisted that whatever could be managed by conventional medicine ought to be treated that way. She had never, to Lexa's knowledge, gone in the afternoons, and even less remained outside after dark. Remembering the attack that had cost Strina's life, she sent two warriors she trusted to watch over Clarke.
She understood the healer's desire – perhaps even need – to simply do something. She had similarly thrown herself in her duties when Costia had been captured. She would not interrupt her, but she would ensure the young woman did not harm herself by pushing past her limits or be taken advantage of in a moment of weakness.
She knew that Clarke's abilities would protect her from most physical attacks, but she had now had enough time to reflect on the limits of her Nymph. She had confessed herself of how she had suffered from the solitude of her year-long imprisonment, and she had also seen the young woman groan or moan in pain when she was injured. There were very few ways that could actually kill someone instantly – even a sword to the heart took a few seconds, so she was certain the blonde could actually survive such a blow – but she was not immune to pain.
Moreover, she could guess from the story of Clarke's life on the Ark, and of her father's death, of a few ways that one might be able to kill the healer. None could be used easily in an assassination attempt, but there might always be another way she had overlooked.
Later that evening, she changed in her night clothes and grabbed a candle to go see the Nightbloods. She was surprised to see Clarke enter the passage from her own hidden door as she reached the narrow stairs.
She paused, examining her in the candle light.
Her features were drawn, her face tired. She could see no tear tracks, but her eyes were slightly puffy, which meant she had been crying a few minutes ago, but had wiped her cheeks before going to see the Nightbloods. Her whole body seemed to be vibrating with the energy it took her to keep her emotions at bay.
''The children will understand if you wish to be alone tonight.'' She said softly.
She wasn't sure what words would be appropriate to acknowledge the blonde's grief. Her own people would grasp the arm of the family in support, or silently deposit a basket on the threshold to spare the mourning family the task of foraging for food or having to see others in markets before they were ready. Mourning was something that was dealt with mostly in isolation or with very close family and friends, at least the first few days.
Clarke came from a different culture, though. And there was also the uncertainty of her mother and other acquaintances or friends. Was it even appropriate to define what she was going through as mourning, when all the people she was crying for were still alive at the moment, and might perhaps thrive in a foreign land?
The healer shook her head slowly. ''No. I… It's my problem. Not theirs. It shouldn't affect their lives. They have enough to worry about already.''
Lexa nodded, though she doubted the children would fail to see beyond Clarke's facade. They had spent years perfecting their own official masks and watching ambassadors or chief clans hide their motives. Just the fact that Clarke was less open than usual was a dead give-away. They would understand that they should not pressure her, though.
She was proven right by the unusually quiet atmosphere of the evening. The Nightbloods were never boisterous, but these times were one of the rare moments when they could act as children, and were therefore often punctuated with childish begging for one more chapter, or for Lexa's tale of how she dealt with a particular issue. This night, though, they did not press the blonde for more mimics as she kept reading the story to them, or remark when her voice faltered. Rawon and Niom, the youngest, hugged Clarke a bit longer than usual. Aden held Lexa back while Clarke climbed the hidden stairs, asking her if their healer would be okay. She smiled sadly.
''She will be. Eventually. Just like all of us.'' She replied with a slight brush of her hand against his cheeks.
Since Strina's death, she was finding it a bit harder to show affection to her novitiates, and she knew it had hurt some of them. She had apologized a few nights ago, and was since trying to recover the easy gestures she had bestowed naturally before. It still felt forced, though. So she had been extremely grateful for Clarke's presence, as the young woman had dealt with her grief by cuddling with the children and welcoming them into her own rooms after their nightmares. Lexa herself had suffered from memories of the girl's death, or even old dreams of the torture she knew Costia had suffered. She had focused more on Aden, who had come to her confessing how guilty he felt that he had not been able to save his fellow natblida. That Clarke had lost time saving him and therefore not been able to save Strina. They had worked through their feeling of loss and failure together, and she had been glad that Clarke had been there and ensured the others were not neglected as a result.
Before going back to her own room, she hesitated by the door to Clarke's. She wanted to offer support to her, but was unsure of whether it would be welcome. Clarke had always been more physical than Lexa herself had been taught in her interactions – hugging her friends, kissing the Nightbloods' hair or cheeks, pressing a shoulder as she passed behind Murphy or Monty to show her approval and affection.
But she had never done so with Lexa herself. In fact, it almost felt like the blonde was being careful not to touch her casually as she did with most people. She was not sure what to make of it. Clarke had not, to her knowledge, interacted with many adult grounders – as she called Lexa's people – apart from healing. So it might simply be that she was afraid she would offend, as she had no doubt noticed that those frequent touches were not common for her people.
And Strina had been a common loss, though it had hit Lexa more – she had known and taught the girl since she was two years old. This new loss was Clarke's, and not Lexa's. In fact, she was ashamed to admit that news of the Ark landing so far away had been a relief for the Commander. It was one less thing to worry about in the wake of the Mountain's aftermath.
How legitimate was she to comfort Clarke when such thoughts had entered her mind?
With a sigh, she returned to her own room without knocking on the blonde's door.
Over the next few days, Lexa kept an eye on the Sky people.
Murphy seemed mostly unaffected. His only noticeable change of routine was a less acerbic attitude when in company of Clarke or Raven. Monty was apparently keeping to his room. She hoped the boy would still be able to accomplish his part if the Mountain attacked – it was possible for Raven to replace him, but the logistics of that would be complicated.
Clarke and Raven seemed to shift their focus to their duties, in between long talks in Raven's room. The blonde had begged Lexa to excuse her from library duty in the afternoons, which she now spent helping Raven or healing – both with her powers and with more conventional methods. She had claimed that she found it easier not to let her mind wander when she was doing a task that required concentration, and reading tedious books was not it. The brunette had asked for her authorization to fix more devices, and the Commander had allowed her to work on more portable radios and medical machines. As long as she took care to rest regularly – she could not have both Monty and Raven unable to help against the Maunon.
She also spent time interrogating Lincoln with Anya and Tris. It soon appeared clear that the scout had truly fallen for Octavia and approached her despite Anya's and Indra's orders to only observe. He had been captured by the sky people, and escaped with the help of the girl. He also admitted to stabbing a boy that had been searching for Octavia with others – Finn, from what Lexa had previously heard from Raven. He had been dizzy from a blow to the head, and reacted instinctively when he saw a stranger bent over him in his home.
Still, it was murder. She would usually banish him or have him killed without further considerations – abandoning his post, betraying his general by warning Octavia of the attack and running away with her, and murder of someone he was only supposed to only watch at that point. But with Bellamy's own fate soon to be sealed – she would not settle for less than a banishment, even if the decision was technically Clarke's – it meant Lincoln's fate was tied to Octavia's. She had no valid reason to banish the girl, and she did not want her to go on a rampage because she executed her beloved. Judging from her behavior in the throne room, she was quicker to act than to think of repercussions.
Hopefully, the girl would agree to leave with her lover. But she had apparently learned of the other delinquents fate – from her brother, most likely – and was now asking to help free them.
Clarke had never said that this girl had a specific skill that could be useful – like Raven or Monty. She would have to ask her.
The healer, when she was not working or talking with Raven, looked… hollow. Lexa knew the Ark and her duty to it had been part of what kept the blonde going for the last several weeks. She had literally been almost killed for it. To have it gone when she had thought that everything was about to come together had obviously been a shock.
Unfortunately, the only remedy Lexa knew for this was time, and they may not have much of that. The fates of Lincoln, Octavia and Bellamy could wait, but once the Mountain attacked they would need to act quickly and soundly. At this point she was unsure how clear Clarke's mind would be, and she was supposed to lead one of the teams.
One night, almost a week after the Exodus crash, she woke up in the middle of the night. This was not a rare occurrence for her, as she had always been a fairly light sleeper. She would usually just roll over and go back to sleep, after assessing her surroundings to ensure it was not a threat that had woken her. This time, though, she rose from her bed and, grabbing a candle, made her way to Clarke's hidden door. She listened and heard a constant rustling of furs.
Clarke was either sleeping very fitfully, or not sleeping at all. She steeled herself and knocked softly on the door. She had not talked much with the other young woman lately, and certainly not one-on-one. But there was only so long she could hold off some decisions, and she had promised to involve the blonde in those regarding Clarke's… companions? Could she still think of them as a people when they were less than a hundred?
She heard a muffled ''Lexa?'' and took it as permission to slip into the room.
The young woman was sitting up in her bed and rubbing her eyes.
''I hope I did not wake you.'' Lexa said.
The blonde shook her head. ''Not really.'' She stayed silent for a minute before adding weakly. ''I haven't been sleeping that well lately.''
''I supposed as much. You look more tired every day.'' She sat on the edge of the bed, turned towards Clarke.
The blonde pulled her legs to her chest and encircled them in her arms. ''I feel like I failed my mother. And my father. And now I am terrified of failing the others from the dropship. What if the Mountain men decided to not wait for them to recover between bone marrow extractions, and they are already dead? What if the attack goes wrong, or…''
Sensing that the young woman was panicking and ranting, Lexa put a hand over her joined ones. They both froze at the contact. Clarke seemed more surprised than offended, so Lexa did not remove her hand before speaking.
''Klark. The plan we came up with together is sound. And even if it fails and we have to retreat, we will have the Coalition's army already gathering to fight back. As for your friends…''
She paused. She did not want to give her false hope. She personally believed that the Maunon would have already made a move by now if they had elected to sacrifice Clarke's former companions, but she could not be certain. And even if she was right, it did not follow that the Sky children would be in good shape, or that she could welcome in Polis as she had done with Raven, Monty, Murphy and Clarke. Those four had never meant to harm her people, and had even helped since their introduction.
Those in the Mountain were either prisoners of the Maunon – that, she could work with eventually, depending on what crimes they had committed previously – or actively helping them. If the latter, she would not welcome them. The fall of the Mountain would already destabilize her Coalition, she could not and would not waste whatever advantages she had bantering for the delinquents.
And it was unfair not to clearly say as much to Clarke.
''You have done everything you could for your friends. They are still human beings responsible for their actions.'' She stated gently. ''But you must know that, just as for our initial plans for the Ark, there is only so much my people can shoulder for yours.''
The blonde sighed. ''This is not just about Bellamy, is it?''
Lexa was surprised Clarke had realized what she was hinting at so quickly and silently studied her. She did not want this to cause a rift between them.
The healer smiled sadly. ''I get it. I really do. I have spent a lot of time with your people lately, healing them or sewing them up after training. I have gotten good enough at Trigedasleng and Boudalag to carry out small conversations.'' She explained with a hint of pride in her voice as she evoked two of the most talked languages in Polis.
''Your people suffered a lot at the hands of the Mountain. You told me that, several times, but I had not really realized how much. At least half of the people I talked to knew someone that had been taken – not always someone they were close to, but someone they knew. It's… The Ark's population wasn't so big, but it was all I knew. It sounds like there have been at least that many people taken – probably more.''
''So… yeah. If the others helped the Mountain men become immune to the radiations, I know there is no way the people in Polis will accept them. When we first started to plan, I hoped they would come to live in Polis until the Ark came down, and perhaps even after that for some of them. But now… I can't ask that of you.''
The blonde rose her head to meet her eyes. She could see the tears in them as she pleaded in a whisper. ''Just… Please, don't kill them for it? They never had a choice in coming down, or being taken by the Mountain. I get that they can't be welcomed, but can they at least be spared?''
Lexa was stunned. She had expected an argument, perhaps ending with a threat from Clarke to leave Polis after the battle. Never would she have imagined that the young woman had already figured out part of the complicated situation, and accepted it.
''I will do what I can to spare them.'' She promised. ''If they are involved in the fight, there is not much I will be able to do, but it is unlikely they will be. I will banish them from the lands of the Coalition, but I can ensure they know where they might go and provide them with the supplies we had set aside for the Exodus people.''
Her people did not need those supplies, and she did not wish to kill children that had been forced in a situation well beyond their comprehension. If they were cautious, those supplies could be enough to sustain them until they crossed the Waste Lands. Usually, a banishment was almost a death sentence, because your only hope was to cross those deadly lands without any resources. People either died trying, or took the chance to remain on the Coalition's lands as an outlaw and be killed on sight. With supplies, though… There were tales of rich lands beyond, and given the map of the world Clarke had once drawn, it was likely. The only question was how far those were.
The blonde visibly relaxed, the skin beneath Lexa's hand slackening a bit as her hold around her legs loosened. ''Thank you. But… don't say any of that to Raven or Monty. Not yet. I don't think they would understand.''
Lexa agreed, as they needed the unique skills of at least one of the two against the Mountain. After that, she did not really care what happened for them. She would welcome them if they wished to stay – Raven's skills in particular could be interesting, though the Commander remained wary of most of the devices from the old world. But if they decided to accompany their old companions, she would not stop them. She was just unsure of what her Nymph would do if all her friends left Polis.
''If you are not too tired to discuss it now, there are others we need to talk about.'' She reminded the blonde.
''I think I will actually sleep better if things are resolved.'' The healer admitted. ''Work helps during the day, but at night my mind can't stop thinking.''
Lexa nodded. ''I know what you mean.'' She commiserated.
Clarke sighed and settled a bit more against the head of the bed to support her upper body. ''Bellamy?''
''The Ark will not be able to judge him as we had intended. The decision of his fate is yours and Raven's, as you were his intended victims.'' She paused. ''I believe Raven has made her own opinion on the matter clear enough.''
The blonde grimaced. ''I… This is not me. I am not a judge. But…''
''You know his actions cannot be forgiven.'' Lexa stated.
It was clear that the young woman had already reached the conclusion in her mind. But she was having a hard time accepting and voicing it. Her shoulders dropped at Lexa's prompting.
''I know. I still don't want to condone death penalty, though. Can he be banished? These are your lands, but I am the one supposed to pass the sentence. Does it even work?''
Lexa quirked up the corner of her lips. ''The crime was committed against you, and you are my guest. People will not question the details of how we judged him – he is not from any clan, and has no friend amongst my people. I suggest we keep him in a cell until we have beaten the Mountain. I would hate for him to run to them and warn them of our attack out of spite.'' She proposed and Clarke nodded. ''We also need to discuss Octavia.''
The blonde smiled uneasily at her. ''I am sorry for not helping you sort that situation. I had promised you I would when Anya sent word she was coming with them.'' She apologized.
''I would not be a good leader if I did not adapt my plans to fit unforeseen circumstances. I am confident that Lincoln's betrayal is not part of any scheme from Azgeda or another clan. But just abandoning his duty is ground enough for a banishment from Trikru.''
She paused, thinking back on the man's notebook and Anya's explanations of how Lincoln had spent the last few years trying to draw an accurate map of the Reapers tunnels.
''However, he has knowledge that could be useful against the Mountain and is still loyal to the Coalition, so I am hesitant. I believe I will have to take up the matter with Indra – she is the chief of his village. I will leave the decision of whether he may try to earn back his place by guiding her team through the tunnels up to her.''
Clarke looked confused. ''I thought Lincoln was under Anya's orders, not Indra's.'' She remarked.
''Indra is a village chief. Her duty is to Tondisi first, even if she is a general. Anya is a general that is not tied to a village in particular. Though she is Trikru, she chose to become part of Heda's personal army after I ascended – she must be loyal to the Flame before her clan, though I hope she never has to choose. I sent her as reinforcement when you and your companions first arrived.'' She explained. ''Lincoln was lent to her by Indra, along with other scouts, as they know the area better than warriors raised in another part of the Coalition. It is also why she could be sent to find him and Octavia.''
''Okay, I think I get it.'' The blonde nodded. ''What about Octavia? I don't think she will want to leave Lincoln either way – she seems happy with him.''
''That is what I was hoping to discuss with you. Do you think she will be reasonable if Lincoln is banished? Or disciplined enough if Indra decides to forgive him? I will make it clear to her that accepting Lincoln back in her village will most likely mean welcoming Octavia. But I will not ask that of her if the girl cannot be trusted.'' She cautioned.
''Lincoln knows the cost of his actions, right? So I guess Octavia also knows that it is either banishment or death. I think she will be glad her lover is not executed. She is not big on authority, given her past, but she seems to have changed a lot under Lincoln's tutelage. I visited her yesterday, she confessed Lincoln and her had been trying to reach Floudonkru, and she hoped to train as a warrior. Out of all the delinquents, she is probably the one most eager to blend in with your people.''
She paused and shrugged. ''Honestly, for all her stubbornness, she is not unreasonable. If we explain things to her and plainly state her options, I think she will make her choice and stand by it.''
Lexa breathed out a small sigh. ''That is a relief. After her attitude in the throne room, I was afraid she would cause problems when I announced my decision about Lincoln. They will come with us when Indra sends word that the battle has begun, and my general will make her decision then. If she refuses Lincoln, they will journey on to the Waste Lands.''
''I know it is selfish of me, but I hope they will remain in Tondisi.'' Clarke confided. ''Though with me condemning her brother to exile, I am not sure how friendly she will be.''
Lexa tightened her hand around the blonde's to show her support as she had no idea what words to say. She was not really experienced with failing friendships. Growing up, she had had her fellow natblidas, and they all knew their eventual fate. Then, she had had sworn warriors with whom she felt a sense of closeness – like Gustus – and Costia. In the life of Hedas, friendships were rare and usually ended with one or the other's life.
''There is one last matter I wished to discuss with you.'' She said after a while.
''Eh?'' The blonde frowned, and Lexa could see her mentally reviewing her companions in an attempt to find the issue she had overlooked.
''Do not worry.'' She reassured her. ''It is something I have been considering for a while, and I wanted to ask for your opinion.''
Clarke looked curiously at her. ''I am listening.''
''It is about Titus' apprentice. He has not been able to find one that suited him. I have a few options in mind…'' She started, and went on to explain her thoughts on the matter.
The healer was quite surprised by her conclusions, and made a few remarks, but eventually agreed with her plan.
The following day, Lexa spent her morning sitting on her throne to listen as people from Polis and other places came to her with their pleas. It was something that she did once a week, unless other matters required her attention. She wished Heda could dedicate more time to her people, instead of tedious meetings with ambassadors who were all trying to gain some minor advantage. But the Coalition was too large for her to be able to directly attend the needs of people beyond the walls of Polis. Twice, she had traveled to the main villages of all twelve clans.
After the first journey, she had spent months arguing with Gustus, Titus and Anya to repeat the experience despite the several assassination attempts that had occurred. She had refused to abandon the practice. Heda existed for the people. So Heda would greet and meet the people.
Clarke stood by her right side this morning, as she had a couple of times before. She had made a habit of asking her Nymph to be present to meetings with ambassadors or other officials as irregularly as she could. It ensured that people never knew whether the mystical healer would be present or not, and that no one would be able to figure out exactly what kind of subject she might ask her for advice on.
Also, it had been clear that Clarke had yet to build the proper endurance and countenance for long, daily meetings. She fatigued much more quickly than Lexa, and could snap at officials when tired. It had taken her a while to realize how much more complex the matters discussed were, compared to the Ark.
In a way, Lexa envied the old leaders of the Ark. In a closed world where even the air was counted as a supply, it must have been much easier to make an educated decision than on the ground, where weather and nature could prove generous or devastating without any kind of warning. One clan could be thriving while another starved, and she had the difficult position of convincing them to share even when they gained nothing from it.
Once the last caller of the day left, Lexa sent a warrior to fetch John Murphy. Titus was busy with the Natblidas, so only Clarke and Gustus were here with her. She trusted both with what she intended to do – though she knew Gustus would probably be uneasy. Her guard had grown to trust Clarke since their arrival in Polis, so she hoped he would give the same chance to the sky boy.
Murphy entered the room, walking with the appearance of confidence but Lexa could see his eyes darting between her and the other two. He was nervous, and wondering why he was summoned.
She took charge, speaking clearly once the boy had bowed respectfully to her – he truly was learning to at least show proper deference.
''Jon Murfi kom Skaikru. You have lately helped in lessons with the Nightbloods, and I am pleased by the results of these lessons.''
It was true. Sure, the games he produced for the lessons were based on simple rules, and therefore insufficient when compared to the actual complexity of the real world. But it had provided her novitiates with a training area of a sort for military strategy and trade negotiation. It was different from merely presenting them with a situation and asking what they would do based on the lectures they had recently had. In those games, they had to react to others' actions, build up on sometimes unexpected turn of events.
For Aden, who was older and much more advanced in his studies, the games were somewhat lacking. But it was a nice exercise for the younger natblidas, and she hoped Murphy would come up with more refined games in time.
The boy nodded at her praise, still looking uncertain, and remained quiet.
''I have a proposition for you, that I hope you will accept. However, it is not something you should enter in lightly. If you agree, I will expect you to swear an oath of absolute loyalty, and nothing but death may free you from that oath. There will be no consequences if you refuse, and you may take some time to decide. If you agree, you must be committed to the task.'' She explained.
Now, the boy was obviously nervous. She saw him rub his palms against the fabric of his pants and glance at Clarke. Good. He understood how serious this proposal was.
''I want you to become Titus' apprentice and, eventually, succeed him as Flame keeper.'' She stated, looking him directly in the eyes as she did and ignoring Gustus shifting his weight in surprise.
The boy was stunned. She waited a few seconds to let him absorb the news.
He rose a hand – a gesture the skaikru used to request the authorization to speak. She encouraged him with a sharp nod.
''I am uhh… honored, Commander. But, to be honest, I am not entirely sure what a Flame keeper is supposed to do, aside from teaching lessons to your novitiates.''
She had expected his confusion. She was pleased that he had not refused outright.
''A Fleimkeepa is loyal to the Flame – the Spirit of all Hedas. His role is to ensure continuity, that when Heda passes on, the Spirit finds the next one. While Heda lives, he helps raise the new generation of novitiates and advises Heda.''
She paused to check that the boy had understood all she had just explained. She had made sure he knew the basics about Heda, the Flame and Natblidas before she allowed him to give his first lesson. But she had no idea whether or not he had really assimilated the information. She knew Clarke still struggled with the idea of the Spirit – she was still reluctant to associate her abilities with anything 'religious' as she stated.
In fact, the blonde had warned that the main problem would most likely the boy's own beliefs. The old world had many various religions, and some had been preserved on the Ark. Clarke had no idea if her companion believed in anything.
Lexa continued. ''There are several reasons why I hope you will take on this role. The first one is, of course, that you have already proved capable of teaching the novitiates. Another one is the fact that you are not from any clan. Hedas and Fleimkeepas must be neutral. Your very origins will help you in that aspect.''
''Finally, and though you have learned to me more respectful, you have a sarcastic – sometimes even insolent – view of the world. Such a mindset is useful in an advisor.''
That Clarke's own childhood had been easier than Murphy was clear. Despite the rough time she had lived through since her father's death, she held onto ideals that were compatible with the world Hedas hoped to, eventually, build. But she was sometimes clinging to them at inappropriate moments. Murphy seemed wary of everyone's intentions, which was more similar to what she had been taught growing up and Titus' own approach.
Together, Clarke and Murphy would provide herself and her successor with balanced advices. Help him or her achieve the goals without being blind to the current failures of the world.
''If you agree, you will remain in Polis and Titus will teach you how to accomplish those duties. I do not expect you to step into this role for some years.'' She added in a reassuring tone as the boy looked a little overwhelmed by the amount of information. ''And of course, you will have to renounce all former attachments to the people from the Ark – including those currently trapped in Mount Weather.''
''Well, that part is easy. They all turned their back on me when Bellamy accused me of killing Wells. Clarke was the only one who helped me flee.'' He said with a shrug in the blonde's direction. ''As for the rest… What happens if I accept but it turns out I am not good at it?''
''The only things you will need and that cannot be taught is keeping the secrets of the Flame secret, and respect your oath of loyalty. You will show proper deference in public, but in private you may speak your mind to your mentor or myself.'' She replied.
She considered sharing another tidbit of information. ''To ensure secrecy, you will need to be taught how to better endure pressure and pain. So that if the occasion somehow arose, you will have a mind clear enough to give away false information. Obviously, this will not be pleasant to learn, but it is the only aspect of your education that you shall have to worry about. And it is more about breathing and meditating than tolerating high levels of pain. You will not be subjected to torture as my general once did.''
''Okay…'' The boy drawled. ''If you are not going to cut me, I guess I can live with meditating.''
He paused. ''Would I have to shave my hair?''
Lexa blinked. That was not a question she had expected.
''You will receive your brands once you finish your apprenticeship. They need to be somewhere visible – your face or neck. It is not a tradition for the Flame keeper to shave his head.'' She explained.
Many warriors chose to shave because long hair could prove bothersome. Some clans used hairdos to show status while most, like Trikru, used tattoos. Only Azgeda used thin scars. Flame keeper was a unique role, like Heda. She had her headpiece, warpaint and tattoos, Titus had a large specific tattoo.
Despite his strange question, Murphy seemed to be considering the offer.
''Is there any other sort of… obligations or sacrifices I will be expected to make? Like, if I want to have kids, is that allowed? Or sell the board games I am making?'' He inquired.
''As long as you remain faithful to your oath and duties, there are no interdiction. You may have a family if that is your wish – the Fleimkeepa's rooms are big enough to house a companion and children – but your duty to the Flame must always come first. You would not be allowed to share the secrets you learn with your partner.'' She cautioned. ''As for those games, you may not use your status to force people to buy them. But I have no objection to you finding craftsmen to keep making them and then sell them. Flame keeper is a full-time job, even as an apprentice.''
She had rarely had to convince someone to accept a position, but she had more reasons than she had voiced to want Murphy to take on this role. He was proving to be more open-minded than she had first thought, adapting to her culture even faster than Clarke. He had absolutely no loyalty to any people – not even the sky people – but had respected everything she had asked of him. It seemed that Clarke had been correct in her estimation of the boy: he had never had anyone to be loyal to since the death of his parents, and would likely thrive once given a purpose.
And finally, he had been raised in the ways of the old world, as Heda Becca and Clarke, and would understand the ideals Hedas worked for even better than Titus. He could become a Flame keeper that would support the changes that would eventually be implemented for the Conclave and the Coalition. She would only have to ensure he separated Titus' personal ways from the ancestral teachings of Becca.
The boy looked to the window as he thought. Just as she was about to remind him that he may take a few days to think about it, he turned his focus to her.
''I am in. Not like I had anything better to do.'' He said.
She frowned a little at his casual tone, but noticed the serious glint in his eyes and his tense posture. He was not making this choice lightly. It was probably his way of dealing with a decision that determined his life – sarcastic attitude again.
''Very well. You will take your oath tomorrow, and begin immediately after. You will also be moved to new quarters once you officially become the Flame keeper's apprentice.''
While Heda's rooms were situated on the floor directly below the throne room and above the Natblidas quarters, the apartments of the Fleimkeepa and his apprentice were on the floor below the Natblidas. Then came the ambassadors and generals, and then other guests – Raven, Monty and Murphy were the only long-residing people currently on this floor.
Historically, there had often been more than one apprentice to the Flame keeper, and perhaps she would encourage Titus to find another one once Murphy was advanced enough. Also, the apartments were big enough to house the main Flame keeper's family. Just like her floor could house a partner and children – as well as the healer's family – though it was extremely rare for Hedas to bond with someone. They rarely lived long enough to start a family.
She told the boy what he needed to know about his ceremonial oath and then allowed him to go. She also told him that he was allowed to change his mind before he took his oath, and encouraged him to think more on his decision. Meanwhile, she would inform Titus that she had found him a new apprentice.
She was not looking forward to that particular discussion.