Despite dropping Bella off Edward didn't head home just yet, He stayed wanting to keep her safe through the night now that Jacob won't return for a while.
Bella was briefly seen close to her window and she shut it closed.
"Oh ow" Edward thought. "This doesn't look good"
The closed window pretty much gave him a clear message.
But what would have happened?, We had a wonderful chat and I could have sworn If we stared into each others eyes longer we would have kissed.
Edward picked up a scent and noticed a child walking towards Bella's house and sat in the back of Bella's truck .
"What is he doing? Edward wondered.
Edward heard the boys thoughts, " I'm worried about Bella, She's all alone so I'm going to stay here and if a Vampire comes I'll bite it's head off"
The child is a werewolf? by the look of things he's Bella's friend not foe. Edward liked the child right away but only because he seems to adore Bella.
Even though Jacob hates Edward more than any creature on this Earth Edward will never feel the same way, because he loves Bella Jacob is still alive.
If he didn't Edward would have fight him to eliminate his only competition to win Bella over.
Billy has kept his word and used his family to guard Bella.. even now that he knows of my families return he hasn't left Bella completely by herself.
Now that Bella has fallen asleep Edward carefully leaped on the closet tree near her house staying there before the sun rises.
-/-
The news of Having him and his family coming back to Spartan High school was a trendy topic and it spread like wildfire.
"The Cullen's are back in town" one of Bella's first friend thought after giving them a sideward glance.
"Oops I guess we're going to be pushed to the side again when Edward makes it right with her" Angela thought.
Edward exhaled aggravated but moved along with his siblings, they sat at their usual spot in class.
Where Bella used to sit at Biology has been taken by another student so she probably changed her schedule before Edward made his return.
Because the Cullen's have been absent for a year they need to work hard to catch up or they won't have enough credit to graduate. Not that it matters since in 30 years he'll have to redo high school anyway but the main reason why he wanted to be here is to let Bella reconcile with Alice as well.
Edward arrived at the Cafeteria no sign of Bella and knew that she must be afraid. Edward left and walked down the hall, he could smell her scent and she was having lunch outside. Close to another exit near the teachers lunch room.
Edward glanced outside of a window and her Chevy Truck was parked there and she was consuming a soda can in peace.
Bella was Afraid to allow him to come closer and just hurt her again. the other night at his house was where she dropped her guard. Still careful but she seemed like same Bella before he left her behind.
Now she's ignoring the Cullens mostly and no longer want to take classes together.
But Edward will not quit now, She needs to see that there nothing to worry about, He's going to stay with her.
Her trust was so easily won when they met, She wasn't repulsed or creeped out because he's a Vampire, despite putting her in danger she never left his side.
But it was even easier to lose it again. Just one word and everything she thought about him shattered.
Bella was on her laptop making her assignments after class, And will head home when all students have cleared out. She doesn't want to see any of them. Having Edward coming back to disturb her world is already bad enough and now all of them are back.
Bella became a little angry, she doesn't understand why they have to do this to her. She was having such a peaceful senior year and now she feels so restless.
It's not like they are here for their own future, after maybe years they could redo High school without bothering anyone. Or even after 50 years. Nobody would have recognized them or they could claim they are the daughters and sons of the former students who attended Forks High school.
Bella moved a tear away and felt so angry, it's probably Edward's idea to head back and get their diploma. Just to keep an eye on her. She definitely doesn't need their pity. She shouldn't have gone to Edward's house.
It was a wonderful day there, but this is getting a bit too much.
"Bella.. uh hi" Alice said careful. Bella looked up from her laptop eying Alice neutrally.
"Can I sit here?" Alice asked.
"Of course Alice" Bella said, Alice smiled and before she sat down Bella rises from her seat grabbing her laptop.
"I'll just go sit elsewhere" Bella said turning around to leave.
"No wait" Alice said. "I'm sorry, I wanted to say goodbye to you Bella, I really did"
"That's fine Alice, I understand that your loyalty lies with your family" Bella said.
"Our friendship comes last, I get it" Bella said dismissive.
"No that's not it, I.. we all felt guilty about that night" Alice said.
"I understand but that doesn't mean things will go back to how it was" Bella said.
"All of you slammed a door in my face, I just want to wrap things up and just go to college without dealing with you ever again" Bella sighed and made her way outside.
Surprisingly Bella no longer seems angry, It's like she doesn't want to make Alice feel anymore guilt. She just want to be left alone.
-/-
Edward arrived home, he walked a bit slower, He heard Alice's thoughts coming from the living room.
"Well Its dark again" Alice said when Edward came in. "So you know what that means"
"She crossed the treaty line" Edward said.
"Yes, and I can't see if she will arrive home the second time" Alice said.
"Second time?" Edward asked.
"She'll head to the Quileute tribe again tomorrow but after that I don't see her future anymore" Alice said.
"Maybe she'll be living with them," Alice said.
"I told you this was a bad idea" Alice said.
"We shouldn't have gone back to Class, not now that she's still hurting for what we allowed to happen" Alice said.
"Maybe our presence is too much to handle and decided to stay with them until we leave" Alice said.
Edward's troubled mind wasn't put to rest, in fact this worried him a lot. He doesn't believe Bella is leaving to La push for good without even put the house up for rent or pack something to bring with her.
Something will happen to Bella and Edward has to prevent her from leaving.
"I'm leaving" I'll see you tomorrow" Edward said.
Alice nodded knowing what he will be doing.
"Just don't make to too suspicious" Alice said.
Edward smiled at Alice slightly, " I'll think of something"
-/-
Edward remained close to Bella's house,
Edward heard the rumbling sound of her engine he hid behind a tree and watched her Chevy truck pass. Bella looked in her front mirror but nothing was there. For a split second she felt watched and focus on the road.
Edward came out of the shadow of an oak tree and was happy that Bella is okay. He was almost ready to cross the line and search for her. The Wolves are dangerous, If only he could make her stop. He can't defend her if anything happens to get over the line.. at least not without causing problems.
He felt terrible but he has to break her Truck to prevent her from going anywhere. At least until Alice's vision creates a better outcome.
Its not fair, especially now that he's trying to win her back but he rather have her angry with him than harmed.
He wanted to remove something from her truck to prevent her from leaving as he walked over to her truck Edward's guilt started to become worse. And ceased doing anything to it now, If her car is broken she might assume someone tampered with it and had to find a different way to stop her.
Edward followed her truck and when Bella made a stop to head to her PO box Edward wasn't sure what to do. Talk to her about his worries going to a place full of violent werewolves or sabotage her vehicle..
Bella is acting very stubborn but ruining her truck makes him feel so awful.
Belle return to her Chevy with letters in hand and reached a traffic light. It was very quiet on the road only a few cars passed with large snowflakes obscuring the sky.
Bella reached towards her radio to fix statics and then it went to a lovely song, she then placed her head against the chair of her seat waiting until the traffic light goes green and as she drove something wasn't right. She then parked to the side and noticed a flat tire.
She fears that she won't make the trip all the way to the reservation so she went back home. Going to the garage will cost her and maybe her mother and lend her money for a new tire.
Instead she wants to give Billy a ring to have her picked up. she doesn't want to miss out on Seth's birthday. He has grown a lot and could pass for a pre-teen.
It was strange, he didn't pick up the phone hopefully they are ok.
-/-
It started to snow a lot more, salt was spread on the ground to make the roads less slippery.
Bella walked carefully so that she won't slip, It started snowing again In Forks, As she walked she started to miss Charlie. If only she could spend another day with him.
As weird as it seems Bella is happy she doesn't have to say goodbye to him by leaving him. Imagine if she turned into a vampire and she had to leave Forks,
fake her death and have him and all of her friends attend her funeral. Imagine if cancer took him from this world even sooner.
Because Bella stayed with the Quileute's Charlie has met Sue, She was living in a secured area, this pretty much confirms that Jacob and his family are the one's who has been the most useful to her.
Bella couldn't wait to see Jacob again, she's only on the second day without him but wished he was here.
Staying with Jacob is best for her. Mainly because she gets to stay a human.
Being human is so priceless, Other vampires would kill to become human again and yet she was willing to throw it away for a man she only knows for 8 months until He left her behind. She keeps reminding herself that she's making the right decision.
When the Cullen's tried to speak with her she could disregard them by staying angry.
But with Edward it's a bit tricky, when she sees him it feels like her bones go mellow but If she keep those vile things he said on her mind then maybe she can shoo him away too.
The sign of the Bus appeared from the fog and a man was standing there, He called out and Bella looked towards the other side of the road wanting to walk away but she eyed Edward until he was a feet from where she was standing.
" Bella can I give you a ride home? or I could help you fix your car." Edward offered.
" How do you know about that?" Bella asked.
" Well you didn't arrive with your truck for class so I thought maybe the cold weather was preventing you from driving" Edward said still feeling his guilt stir.
"Its just a flat tire".. Bella said.
" Edward why did you come back to high school?" Bella asked.
" To get my diploma, I'm far behind so I will still be earning credit after you graduated" Edward said,
" Couldn't you just at least just keep your distance?" Bella asked. " The last thing I need is seeing you every day of the week"
" Do you have any idea how hurtful this is?"
"But I thought you had a wonderful day at my house," Edward said.
" I did" Bella said looking away.
"Then what is wrong?, " Edward asked, her not giving any clear answers shows He could be right. She afraid to fall in love again.
"But I didn't want to be there" Bella said.
" Then why didn't you just decline my invite and just ask me to go away?" Edward said.
" Because I hate being a prick to people," Bella said, " I don't want to be mean to you Edward or to anyone" Bella blinked tears away regretting how she was uncaring towards Alice. She hates seeing Edward's face squirm in pain when she reject any of his offers even though she has every right to be upset.
" But If you can't understand the psychological damage you've caused then what am I supposed to do?"
" I just want to graduate in peace, seeing you every now and then Is all I can cope with, not everyday.. It's too much" Bella said.
"Bella, I didn't know our return would trouble you this much.. If you wish I can drop out of high school right now" Edward said.
" I'll ask the others to leave too, I'll just keep my distance until you are ready to leave the past behind."
"Edward.." Bella Said tired.
" It's like running away is all you are good at, removing yourself completely has always been your first solution" Bella said.
" Why can't you just ask what I want?" Bella said.
Edward eyed her, He wasn't sure on what to do or say..
" I don't want you to leave" Bella said. hearing that made Edwards eyes lit up happily but then the dread and anxiousness of annoying her returned in them.
" Then why does my presence hurt you?" Edward asks careful.
" I don't want you to leave because of me, I don't want to be seen as a villain, You left Forks because of me as well.. and there is a certain sister in your family who is just giving me death glares like I'm the sole reason of her problems." Bella said.
"Just stay where you are, Don't go anywhere, Don't make your family adapt or move because of me but don't take more of my personal space" Bella said.
" I.. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say" Bella said.
"You mean I shouldn't arrive anywhere If I know you're going to be there as well?" Edward asked to be sure.
"Yes" Bella said.
"But what If we run into each other?" Edward asked.
I suppose that's fine" Bella said.
" May I visit you on the second day of Christmas?" Edward pleaded.
"Yes" Bella said smiling, " At least if you don't mind my friends being there too"
" No.. I'm happy with whatever you are willing to give" Edward said.
" Also I will be going to New York for a while to go Christmas shopping" Edward said.
" So I was wondering will you meet me at the Meadows?" Edward asked.
"You did say we'll plan another day to meet up again so can we go before I leave?" Edward pleads.
Bella said nothing and kept staring at him strict.
"Please come, I won't ask any more favors after this" Edward said.
Carefully Edward offered his hand to grab, Bella didn't feel like going anywhere with him but reluctantly accepted.
Together they walked to his Volvo, Bella didn't feel like talking and Edward didn't try to make her say anything.
He knows it's going to be harder than he thought but Alice is certain with patience things will become better between them.
Edward got out of the car when the tree became visible, He then left his coat at the drivers seat and helped Bella step out.
Bella could hear the birds, Running water of the creek further away. She wonders if she should tell him that she almost died here If it weren't for Jacob
but then time gets wasted on self blame and brooding about it, and Bella wants to know the real reason why he had to do, She just doesn't believe that it's because of what happened.
" Bella first I would like to say thank you for coming" Edward said,
" What's the real reason you are here?" Bella asks. " You seemed very firm in your beliefs that leaving for good was the best option"
" I can't live without you," Edward said,
" But before all of this you planned to leave forever" Bella said becoming a bit annoyed.
"Well yes, with a wonderful life for you in thought. If I didn't think my departure would make your life better, I could never leave like that" Edward said.
Bella inhaled deeply ' anger is the key' she said to herself and faced Edward.
"It's time to go" Bella said,
" You want me to leave?" Edward asked,
" I want to leave" Bella said.
"But what did I do?" Edward asked, wondering what made her so angry.
" I gave you a chance to be honest and you continue to lie in my face" Bella said taking a step forward.
"I'm done here and don't ever come near my house again" Bella said ready to walk back if she had to.
"Bella I'm not lying," Edward said looking at her wide eyed, terrified that one wrong move would ruin any chance with her.
"Please, I don't know what I've said that made you think I'm lying but I.." Edward said.
" Are you sure you're not here because of pity? " Bella shushed him.
"Because my father died?" Bella added, her eyes were enraged, and her lips closed to a tightline, nostrils flaring like she's about to rip his head off.
"I don't need your pity and I don't need you, you better tell the truth why you are here or don't bother speaking to me again" Bella's voice started breaking and against her will tears started to flush down.
Edward reached his hands towards her but dropped them when her face hardened again.
" I wanted to come sooner, but Alice advised not to.. because your friends would send me away and I wouldn't have the chance to explain myself"
" My previous plans was stay with you through your whole human life without you knowing..
" But I caved in, I was fighting to make it through the next day and know that the pain I felt will be lifted right away as soon as I come home to you" Edward said.
" And that's the truth Bella," Edward said, Having Bella furious with him is painful but he'll gladly take that than feel the pain of their separation again. Vampires don't heal if only Bella knew that.
" And my death would be your redemption, right? "You get to be the hero you think I need and you can just move on with your existence" Bella said.
" Or are you going to be a self proclaimed hero to my descendants too?" Bella said.
"If that's your final wish then I'll do it, if not then I'll join you in the afterlife as soon as I can" Edward said.
" I just don't understand," Bella said looking away.
'What is it you don't understand?" Edward carefully took a step closer to her, his eyes keeps pleading for forgiveness,
"Why join me in heaven ? Bella asks.
" Why not just keep on existing?" Bella asks. " You have your family and I'm sure you got better things to live for "
" You don't believe that you're the only one I want to live for?" Edward asks.
"If that was true then you would at least make sure I came out of the forest alive" Bella said.
" Alice has seen you come home alive" Edward said.
" But you didn't bother to see for yourself? To make sure her vision is correct?" Bella asks.
"I wouldn't be able to leave If I did," Edward said.
"And your second option wouldn't be possible either? Just look from a far?" Bella asks.
" Not right away, you would have still wanted me to come back," Edward said.
"But when that desire wavers, I thought that was the time to return to Forks.
That's what I wanted for you, move on to a safer life without my presence ruining that for you" Edward said.
" So that's why you wanted me to go back to Florida, and when that didn't work you decided to take a harder approach" Bella said.
" You planned this, way before the incident didn't you?" Bella asks.
" I did," Edward said nervous,
" Celebrating my birthday in a house full of vampires was also part of the plan?" Bella asks raising her voice.
" No, I would never put you in danger like that, if I had known I would just celebrate it like you wanted" Edward said.
"That wasn't my doing Bella" Edward said. Edward didn't want to be at the Meadows anymore. It was like trying to apologize made everything worse. Maybe Alice's power is indeed starting to fail.
" You almost got killed and that was my fault, I should have just done what you wanted,"
" And that's where I decided that I'm the reason why you're in danger all the time" Edward said.
" I thought eliminating myself would end that" Edward said.
"James almost got me killed, he's dead, Jasper was stopped before he could" Bella said, The best thing you could have done is change me into a vampire" Bella said,
"Leaving will not do anything because I ran into Laurent, If you had stayed he would never had the chance to find me" Bella said.
" I understand you blame me for that,"
"But I didn't know he would come for you" I thought it would be safe Not that there is an excuse of what I left you to face" Edward said.
" I don't blame you, but If you truly loved me then you would have looked beyond your own wishes and did I wanted" Such as becoming eternal" Bella said.
"I couldn't let you turn you into a vampire" Edward said. " It was hard to make endure such a horrible pain"
"That's why I sucked the venom out"
" The pain.. If it was only a brief moment, I would have done for you as soon as possible but it lasts for hours or maybe days before you turn" Edward said.
" And I don't care how much you take being human for granted, there is no turning back If you regret it" Edward said.
"Well I would have done it for you" Bella said, " But since we are no longer together, I lost that desire to become your equal"
" The only thing I look forward to is reunite with Charlie" Bella said.
Despite being firmly against causing her this horrible pain it did hurt that she no longer wants to do anything to be with him forever, Edward wondered if coming back was a mistake. Maybe he should have just go back to New York after his hunting spree for Victoria has failed miserably.
" Shall I take you home then?" Edward said defeated,
"If I can't convince you that this will never happen then maybe I should just leave it alone "
" Time will tell" Edward said.
Bella looked up, She didn't wanted to show it but she started to feel like a moron for staying furious this long, at least he's trying. Her few former friends never truly gave her a chance to make it right and unlike her Edward has the guts to face the ones who are angry with him, risking the chance of getting yelled at.
"Part of me wants to believe you, but right now I rather not go back to how things were" Bella said.
Edward was at peace with that, he just has to do his best for her so that she'll believe him finally.
I'll be waiting in the wings, Edward thought, hoping there won't be too much competition since Bella is desired by many.
Bella's face cleared up her eyes moved with awe and then Edward understood why, He could feel the sun over him, golden rays were shining through the leaves
and his frame was sparkling like a golden pilar. Edward opened his eyes and love radiates from him just like the golden particles that floats inches from his skin.
"I'll never get tired of this" Bella said placing a finger inside his collar to take a peek.
"You're so beautiful" Bella said in amazement.
"You're more than that, like a piece of art" Bella said.
Edward stepped away and tugged his shirt out of his trousers.
"What are you.. ?" Bella stutters and feels her heart thump in her throat.
"You always look forward to this part" Edward said acknowledging.
"Y.. yeah I do" Bella said becoming reddish
Edward grabbed his clothing giving it a swift tug baring his chest.
His blouse fell down to his arms and It was so wonderful to see, the sparkles went from his face all the way to his stomach like a human treasure.
The sparkles became larger as he was fully exposed to the sun.
she touched where his heart used to be and the warmth of her palms absorbs his frame, Edward flinches in response and remained very still when she touched his shoulders, the gold particles shimmers from his upper arms and wondered how she would look like as a vampire in the sun.
Bella looked up to see if he minds rubbing him all over his chest but he seemed like he's day dreaming pleasantly.
"Bella I've missed you so.. " "especially your touch, warming my cold skin,"
"With You it becomes so natural to drop my guard, It no longer feels I'm pretending that I'm human"
"I feel alive, like I belong somewhere, instead of just merely existing, after all these days not knowing if you'll ever want to be in my presence again"
I'll always mourn what I've lost until the end of my existence If you won't ever believe me"
"I regret forcing you into a direction where you want to move on and never look back.. or consider us" Edward thought.
His mouth moved closing his eyes peacefully as Bella admires his skin Still. Humming the piano play he composed for her very fast.
"What?" Bella smiled, "what are you saying?"
"I'm Singing, you know it always calms me " Edward said.
"Can you sing out loud?" Bella asks and Edward stared at her for a moment, he smiled gentle and offered his hands for her to grab.
When Bella accepted Edward began to sing, he felt her heartbeat slow down listening to the melody and she recognized it after a second.
Wonderful memories came into her thought stream, then at the meadows laying on the grass holding each other's hand.
Bella touched his face after he was done singing, he leaned into it. It became less harder to resist the desire to go back to how things were, It's so healing to her wounded heart.
resting her face against his exposed shoulder, Edward felt her lips against his skin like she wanted to kiss him.
she moved away, her nose touched his cheek and within a second her lips touched his mouth, she opened her eyes and found herself locked in a kiss with Edward.
her stomach tightened and tried to pull away but Edward gently firms his grip, He doesn't want to part away from the kiss, he has been longing for this moment like a lost homesick man.
only with her he's home and found.
Bella allowed it, she missed this so much, her whole soul aches for this moment, to experience a love that will never be recreated elsewhere.
Bella tried again and managed to keep a larger distance, " Come here" Edward said holding on to her face to pull her back in.
It was hard trying to get away from him. not because she can't fight him off but because no one has made her heart thump like that.
she went mellow in his embrace but still wished it didn't happen.
If Edward leaves again for whatever reason this would be harder to accept that they'll never share an intimate moment like this. Ever.
Edward backed away, Bella was blushing her heart pumps in her throat, but her eyes started to become watery,
" I shouldn't have tried to kiss you, what we had is a closed chapter" Bella said.
" Bella it's all right, You don't have to be afraid of anything" Edward said assuring.
" I can't, I don't want to fall in the clutches of love again.. All you have done is cause me pain" Bella said backing away.
" Bella, I can't describe how regretful I am for leaving you behind.. I'm sorry about Charlie, the harm I've caused"
"I didn't know" Edward said.
" You should have known!," You had your sister with you when you went to Denali" Bella said dismissive.
" I asked Alice not to, to avoid any interference from us" Edward admits and Bella's face hardened.
" If it's not too much to ask may I please explain why I had to leave?" Edward asks.
" You no longer love me, I get it" Bella said dismissive.
Edward wondered how she could still believe that. Didn't she see the way he looked at her a moment ago?
"No Bella" Edward held onto her shoulders.
" I don't belong in your world" Bella said trying to peel his hands away.
" Please I.." Edward stuttered.
"You're not human, you let this go on way too long" Bella said using his words against him wishing he would just give up and leave her be.
"That's a lie!, I lied about all of that, I always wanted you.. I never stopped doing that.. " Edward said.
"yet you walked away living your life just fine without me" Bella argues back.
" My life wasn't doing fine, I was forcing myself to stay away, ignoring my declining health so that you can be safe!" Edward argues back.
" No, I was just a fleeting distraction, nothing more" Bella said.
" Can I please explain things without being interrupted?" Edward asks humble.
" No"
"There is nothing left to say," Bella said.
"There is! if you could just hear me out" Edward said. and surprisingly he didn't seem angry it was more of a silent plea to take him back.
"I'm not leaving you" Edward urged Bella remained silent shaking her head slightly.
" You said the same thing in Phoenix, at the prom too.. You even said you will not come back here" Bella said.
" You have proven 3 times that you are not a man of your word" Bella said, " What you did that night can happen again"
Bella then decided to move away towards the forest , Edward watched her leave wondering what else is there left to do,
But he can't let her go this easily, there has to be a way to get through to her,
Edward collects his shirt from the ground fastening a single button and went after her.
"Bella" She heard him call out to her but didn't stop and in a brief second he was next to her.
"Please, hear me" Edward carefully holding her shoulder to stop her from walking away.
"I promised I'll stay as long as it's safe for you" Edward said, " And what happened at the forest.. I didn't want to do that, deep inside I felt I was dying for saying these things to you
but I had to otherwise you wouldn't move on.. If I told you I won't come back then you wouldn't be here waiting for me" Edward said.
" That was the only promise I couldn't keep because I kept thinking about you, and It would only be a matter of time before I'll come back" Edward said.
" You wouldn't Edward, after all.. How much could I mean to you if you left me for dead" Bella said.
" The only reason you are back in just to see if I don't have any plans to join my father" Bella said dismissively.
" That is not true, I came back for you.. I didn't leave you for dead Bella, If Forks wasn't safe for you I would have known" Edward said.
" Depression is very deadly, so in a way you did" Bella said.
"I'm sorry for inflicting that on you" Edward said and his face dropped, he felt so ashamed that he never considered how severe her depression would be.
"If there is anything I can do to make things remotely better.. " Edward said.
"No, the things we shared is a memory I banned from my thoughts I kept it that way because I thought you were gone for good, I rather keep it that way" Bella said.
"Because.. I don't want to stall my healing journey, It was very hard living without you.. And staying busy, travel and adrenaline rushes was the only thing that kept the pain oppressed" Bella explains.
Edward flinched when Bella mentioned adrenaline rush, it probably means she's been actively seeking danger, he couldn't be furious with that, even though she promised not to do anything dumb, it's his fault that she doing whatever she could to keep her mind of the heartbreak.
" I hoped you would have kept yourself from danger while I was gone" Edward said saddened. According to Alice Bella had werewolves as her bodyguard.
"but at least you are here. safe and sound" Edward said.
Bella scowled looking at her hands that were in her knees, she wanted to ask why he wanted to stay away for years, instead of just keeping his promise. Her progress to look beyond was doing just fine, and now she's in a dilemma. Should she just accept him back after all the things he has done or cling onto her healing journey.
"I already have moved on, my life no longer revolves around finding the right one. I rather invest in opportunities that remain open. "
"Career wise.." Bella said showing no joy or relief that Edward wanted to come back in her lifetime.
" Besides I wanted to leave Forks, Finish High school elsewhere and rent the house for tourists so If you stayed away longer then you wouldn't have found me" Bella said a little bitter.
But Edward would have, he would find her as long she stays on this Earth. But it didn't seem like the right time to be witty.
" Would you have gone back to your mother?" Edward asks.
" No, I would go where I could start over after graduation I'll see where I'll go" Bella said.
" You can always move in with us in New York, I'll look into scholarships so that you can pick any university you want" Edward said, he didn't want her to leave especially if he's the reason.
"Thank you, but I already got a scholarship, and Charlie left money behind for University he knew his time was short and wanted to be sure I don't have to rely on anyone" Bella said.
" So It's enough to cover the costs" Bella said.
Edward was happy that without her knowledge he's still helping her to get the education she wants.
"Will it ever be possible for us to reconcile?" Edward asks.
Bella shook her head, " I rather not take you back, I'm well on my way to start a new life with Jacob"
"I can't risk letting that fall apart" Bella said.
" I understand that, and I'm not trying to make you love me again but I just.. want to let you know that you'll never be alone especially now" Edward said.
There was silence again and Edward wished he knew what she was thinking.
" So where is Jacob now?" Edward said.
" We broke up, but it's part of an imprinting ritual, the wolves leave their current mate temporarily and if they imprint the partner have a choice.
" To become a second wife or leave" Bella said.
" And I'm choosing to stay whether if he imprints or not" Bella said.
" But will you truly be happy like this?" Edward asked.
"No..I even had a heated argument with him about that"
But it's better than be alone, Jacob can protect me and look after me still" Bella said.
"Bella If he imprints can you consider us? We don't have to be together right away, I want to be near you with whatever choice you want to make" Edward said.
"I have no right to ask you not to shut me out after the things I've done and said to you.. but please don't" Edward said.
"I feel frustrated if I can't come to you, or that I can call to see how you are doing.." Edward said. It was more than just frustration, it's a pain that keeps throbbing every time Bella goes cold on him, being denied to be at her presence and he almost have to beg to make her tolerate him for just a moment.
"If we could stay in contact briefly If would help a lot Bella, " Edward said.
Bella clenched her muscles, She eyed him, his request seems so temping.. inviting but what if Edward just wants to see if he can walk in and out of her life like he does with his family. To have a form of ownership of the highest pedestal she placed him in Edward left his family behind several times. One during his vigilante years, the moment where she was revealed to be his singer and recently he did it again.
Every time Bella gets angry or display hurt the first thing Edward suggest is leaving.. He can't be trusted ever again.
"I can't take you back, but I will find a solution that you and I can live with. " Bella Said. Maybe stick to writing letters. I'm even planning to make a blog so that my friends can see what I'm doing in life.
Bella is not fond of Social media and doesn't want to be a digital zombie like the rest of the world but maybe seeing how she's doing without trying to be part of her life again can bring healing.
"I understand that you are remorseful Edward, but that night was painful.. what you are feeling right now is what I felt, the intense sorrow of not being able to make you stay,"
"If I didn't had such a huge lump in my throat I would have asked to stay in contact still and have you leave but write letters and I can't respond to those because I don't know where to send them to.
"With that I could seek comfort that you're thinking about me still" Bella said.
"And I would move on but with less pain.." Bella said.
Edward eyed her saddened, he breathed out like he wanted to cry, writing letters to her from an unknown address so she can't manipulate him to come back was Alice's idea But he didn't take heed to it.
He kept believing that a clean break could have been better.
Edward has over used the word sorry too much and won't say it to her. Edward looked up and noticed Bella looking at him concerned with her arms stretched like she wanted to prevent him from sinking to his knees.
She lowered her arms when Edward gained composure.
"Are you all right?" Bella asked. He didn't know what she saw flickering is his eyes but it startled her.
"Yes.. I am now" Edward said.
and the sun disappeared in front of clouds passing by letting his skin turn back to normal.
It was twilight, a day must come to an end, Bella wanted to apologize for letting their moment go sour. Mainly because she wants them to be civil around each other.
And not start bickering, but relapsing and falling in love again has severe consequences for her own well being If Edward has another reason to leave, If his family is in danger one day because more humans have found out then Edward will choose his families safety over staying with her. She can't blame Edward for that but she needs to keep him at arms length forever.
-/-
When they went back from traveling to the Meadows Bella went a little quiet. Maybe because she was tired but Edward wished there is something he could say without having her shut down on him.
His phone vibrated, a text from Alice came through. 'Fall on your own sword' it said. Edward wondered what she has seen.
Edward was in the drivers seat and fumbled with the keys until it fits. Bella looked at the window outside, she felt the Volvo start and pressed her lips together when they began to move.
Bella felt her eyes water and used the fabric of her dress to wipe them before they could fall.
Edward noticed that drove a bit slower, hoping she would speak.
"The kiss was nice" Bella said.
Surprised Edward gave her a sideward glance before eying the traffic signs.
"Then why are you sad?" Edward asks. I really don't understand you Bella,
"It's nothing," Bella said.
"Tell me" Edward said.
"Well if this is a hallucination then having you disappear would be painful enough without any romantic interactions" Bella said.
"You're not hallucinating, I'm here" Edward said he grabbed her hand and this time she didn't flinch away from him.
Edward stopped the car and Bella remained silent.
"Look at me" Edward pleads.
"Just look up" Edward said when she didn't budge.
"I'm never leaving Forks again, Not without you, but I guess only time will show you that I'm not lying" Edward said.
Bella sheds tears and Edward brushed it away.
"I'm here, to stay" Edward said reassuring. They made eye contact Bella could pretend a little that she's wanted by him. She wished she could believe him. He convicted her at Phoenix that he'll stay, and she didn't doubt him for a moment. She trusted on that and his departure left a gaping wound she had to stitch up alone.
Bella could ask him to prove himself but even she doesn't know how Edward can earn her trust back.
"I know you don't believe me Bella. I don't know what else I can do to prove anything to you" Edward said.
"But I'll spend my entire existence to make this right"
"Don't promise anything," Bella broke the silence.
Edward understand that all his words sound so shallow, but her assumption that he's lying again made his eyes lose its gentle features.
"You might mean all of this now, but what if you have another reason to leave? You've done it once and there is no guarantee that you won't do such a thing again" Bella said but her hands trembled in anger.
"I'm not strong enough to leave again, " Edward said.
"Vampires can't stay away from their mates for long, I knew that but I still took a gamble and try maybe I could still save you" Edward said.
" I had a better life for you in mind, much more than I can give.. but no matter how many reasons I found to leave, I keep on getting more reasons to turn back" Edward said.
"People who love their partners, always look after each other" no matter what life has in store for them. You didn't do that, You failed to behave like a man" Bella said.
"Bella, I can tell this subject upsets you" Edward said saddened.
"Well yes because you were gone when I needed.." Bella hesitated trying to control the upcoming tears.
"I'm sorry Bella, for not being there when your father got ill." Edward said.
"For anything I've done wrong in your eyes,
"I know I've overused that word too much but I have no excuse good enough that deserves having my actions being pardoned" Edward said.
"But Bella If can't make things better you just have to say the word and I'll stop trying"
"I will not take anything personal.. so whatever you want to say please do so."
Edwards eyes were molten gold, there was overwhelming sincerity in them.
"You Can stop trying but I don't want you to leave, and I don't need to you to stay for me."
"you have your family you should live your life for them and protect your secrets from humanity, "
you are needed you are loved by them" Bella said speaking clearly now.
"I suggest you focus on the things you can change, such as strengthen the family bond you broke.. " Bella said.
"Stay with them, If they leave you will go with them, don't stay for me because there is nothing waiting for you here" Bella said.
"They are your family, I am not" Bella said.
"Can you do that?" Bella asks.
"Of course" Edward said.
"So does it mean I can't visit you.. " It was a question he's too afraid to ask but if she doesn't want to see him then he'll grant her that.
"I need time to progress all of this, I can't have you in my life again" Bella said.
"Not after being away this long" Bella said.
"So one step at the time.." Edward said hoping that's what she meant.
Bella didn't respond right away, she actually meant that Edward and her should just part ways but not have him wandering alone. Just stay with his family without coming to see her like before they went to high school. But she couldn't say it. Maybe removing herself slowly might be better for him than a clean break.
Bella nodded.. hopefully he'll stay away long enough for her to plan her way out. The urge to leave forks never felt so strong.
Alice will see a vision of her leaving but maybe she won't if Bella remains quiet and if she makes a sudden move then maybe her future can't be predicted. Maybe it's not fair to leave Edward behind like this but he did the same to her. Just days after the incident he avoids her and then leave her behind like nothing.
Edward felt frightened, it didn't seem she wanted to do things one step at the time.. she wants him at arms length.. for good.
But he decided to say nothing, at least Bella is here for now and will cherish every second. when Bella sees he's able to respect her boundaries and no longer create any nuisance for her then maybe she will stay.
"Thank you.. I won't visit your room without permission.
"But I do hope I'll see you again soon" Edward said.
"Okay" Bella said. "We'll meet again"
Bella looked up when Edward placed the gear on Neutral.
When Bella wanted to step out,
"Can I bring a new tire tomorrow? " Edward asks.
"One step at the time" Bella repeated and looked at him. She can't be persuaded anymore.
"Right" Edward said quiet as she stepped out. She walked to her house without giving a glance back.
When the door closes and all the lights went on in the house Edward started the car.
Winning her over will be a lot harder than he originally thought. It felt like a damaged reputation.
It's hard get it back how it once were, convincing her for another chance is hard but losing her will be harder.
He was hoping following Alice advise would work..
Alas..
Edward arrived home not paying attention to his brothers, Alice came around to corner to face him.
"Leave me alone" Edward growled brushing passed her.
"No wait" Alice said. "You've done great Edward,"
"She was convinced that leaving was the best option but now she's not so sure"
"Keep on falling on your own sword and she will come back" Alice said and Edward has read her mind.
Edward smiled but then his eyes bulged horrified, "No"
In Alice's vision they were staring at each other lovingly glistening in the sun, she touched his cheek and her eyes were crimson. A new Born.
"No No No!" Edward said repulsed "This can't be her future"
"But that's the only future I'm seeing if you manage to make things right with her" Alice said.
"What if I don't?" Edward asks. It was painful to ask but what if that can prevent this.
"What do you see?" Edward said, the last thing he wants is breaking her heart again but he can't let her soul be damned.
"If you don't you'll push her away for good, she'll live her life peaceful but.." Alice said.
"Show me" Edward demands holding her shoulders . Not roughly like he usually does, but it was like he has no strength left.
Another vision came before him, an older Bella, still beautiful and Edward thinks she looks much better. Time truly suits her.. but then her life will have a tragic twist.
Bella would end up like Charlie, she'll die of ovarian cancer. Bella won't make it further than the age of 35.
"So it's either death or becoming a vampire?" Edward said disheartened his shoulders started to shake.
"Yes.." Alice said saddened.
"I can't live without her, if she dies then I'm coming with her" Edward said keeping his voice steady.
"You don't have to, Carlisle can change her" Alice said.
"No, I won't take the chance away to meet Charlie in the afterlife. She belongs there when her life ends." Edward said.
"I'll stay with her through her human life," Edward said.
"Do you really want to hurt her again?" Alice said.
"No.. I promised her I won't leave ever again" Edward said.
" But still, I wished we never met, that I didn't need her, I wished I haven't fallen in love with her.." she's so much better off without me but.. I can't stay away from her.. I just can't" Edward said defeated.
"But Edward if you have to choose between dying and being a vampire what would you choose?" Alice asks.
"If.. I had Nobody I would choose death.. but I have a family I'm needed here so.." Edward said.
"She needs you, whether she wants to admit it or not" she still has time left."
"When the horrible news arrives that she has cancer then you should save her" Alice said.
"I don't want to lose Bella and I don't want to lose my brother so if you won't do it.. I will" Alice said.
"But what will I tell her? That she's going to die soon unless I turn her?" Edward said.
"No, just let her grieve in peace, after that you can tell her about my vision and let her decide what she wants" Alice said regretting wanting to make matters in her own hands. Bella has a right to decide for her own fate, and if she chooses to pass on Alice will ask the wolves not to kill Edward when he decides to trespass the treaty line.
Edward left his home while the others were remaining inside. Carlisle noticed Edward leaving but didn't asked him where he's going. He will stay out of it for now.
He wanted to talk to Bella about their departure, maybe hearing things from a different perspective will make her understand that is was never their intention.
The window was open but Edward still was hesitant, maybe it's not an invitation for him to join.
Edward remained seated on her roof, not making a sound and remained silent. He laid down facing the stars and could hear her heartbeat.
This is very soothing too, with that he can be at peace, nothing beats watching her sleep but in a way he can still watch over her.