Edward came back from the mail box, he circled the numbers that will guarantee that Bella will win the new car. An Audi coupe. One he always wanted to get her. He doesn't want to give her anything less because the roads of Forks aren't that great.
Edward walked home taking a moment to himself. He was happy that he could help Bella. She accepted help from him while in the beginning she keeps on declining it, But still it feels like this progress to come back can't go any further than this. Alice keeps on saying to trust the progress.
He knows he needs to keep his distance a bit longer but Forks has been rainy a lot, the weather hasn't cleared up and until she wins a new car she has to walk all the way to class.
His nights aren't that bad, He spends time with his family and while they are setting things up for the Holidays Edwards mind remains with Bella. Het window remains closed still. But almost every night he remains close to her home to keep an eye out for her.
Edward grabbed the news paper to keep his mind of things but there have been more people missing in port Angeles and now in some parts of the forest. Like it's spreading. Thankfully Bella avoids the forests, and remain close to her home at night, and the treaty line is where no Vampire dares to cross. At times Edward is thankful for the Volturi's existence. No Vampire would ever attack humans in neighborhoods to avoid exposure and go on their radar.
"Edward?" Esme called.
He flinched and looked up from the paper. "Yes mother?"
"The tickets have expired correct?" Esme Said.
"Yes" Edward Said. "It was stupid to leave them in her floorboard"
"Its okay" Esme said touching his shoulder.
"I have new ones for her, for the holidays," Esme said.
"Well she did say I can visit her to bring presents," Edward Said. "So I'll give your gifts"
"I got some for her too, I wonder what she'll think of it" Edward said.
"May I know what you got her?" Esme said.
"A locket, similar to the one I gave you" Edward said.
"Oh Father is home" Edward said Esme smiled following him to the door.
"Thank you" Carlisle said he was about to place the presents down until Edward opened the door.
"Father what would you like to have for the holidays?" Edward asked.
"Having my family complete, here celebrating it in Forks" Carlisle said.
Edward smiled slightly, "Anything else?"
"No, only a family without any members missing is priceless" Carlisle said after placing gifts under the fest tree. Carlisle looked at the tree and having Edward not wander off really makes his parents happy.
"And see all of us happy" Edward said.
"Correct" Carlisle added.
"I understand you would like to have Bella here" Carlisle said.
"I do.." Edward said.
"I've been trying to be patient, give her space as much as I can endure.."
"But how long will it take?" Edward wonders.
"Why can't things just go back how it was? She knows I'm hurting and that I did all of this for her but nothing seems to change. " Edward Said.
"But you can't expect a wounded person to heal quick just because you regret harming them. " Carlisle said.
"You can't heal her pain for her but what you can do is hold her hand and let her stitch up her injury herself" Carlisle said.
"Well staying away is hard, I still find it shocking that it's so easy to ruin everything we had but building things back up seems like impossible" Edward said.
"Well Its like a broken bone, it takes time to heal but it won't if you don't leave it alone, you need to take it easy, take a step back." Carlisle said.
"Let the fracture heal on its own" Carlisle said.
"It might not be the easiest way, I know you want to stay with her but it's the fastest way"
"Edward Please just trust the progress, Don't do anything that might ruin things" Carlisle wanted him to heed his word.
Edward didn't seem to listen anymore, Carlisle noticed he's becoming aggravated.
"Its so easy to have all of you telling me what to do, that I need to stay put while all of you have your mate" Edward said.
"All of you have each other but I'm alone," Edward said.
"You won't you have your family" Carlisle said.
"I've been here in this house for decades, I've been with you for over a 100 years!" Edward said.
"Have you ever seen me happy before I met Bella?" "Yes I was satisfied having you take me in, I am thankful that you wanted to be more than just my creator" Edward said.
"But I was never happy with any of you until she came" Edward said.
Edward noticed hurt in Carlisle features briefly, but he masked it away before Edward could read his thoughts.
"Father did I.. have I displeased you?" Edward said becoming anxious.
"Its ok Edward, forget what I said to you, only you know what's best for yourself," Carlisle said.
The others are noticing tension between them but they didn't speak up, they continued watching tv and Esme focused on reading a magazine.
"Can we speak in private?" Edward said.
"There is no need for that, I'm not angry" Carlisle said.
"Are you sure?" It's ok if you are.. I've been acting like an ignorant brat" Edward Said.
"Yes" Carlisle said, Edward wasn't really convinced, Carlisle still behaves a bit distant towards him and keeps his mind occupied so nothing will slip.
Edward reached towards Carlisle and rested against his shoulder, for a second he thought Carlisle would push him back but he allowed it and pats his back in comfort.
"I'm sorry" Edward said quiet. He can't take those things back because it is the truth, Edward was never happy no matter what Carlisle does for him but the look on his father was awful.
Carlisle wasn't very responsive when Edward tried to talk to him, he pretty much keeps repeating everything is fine and that he doesn't take any offense.
Edward retreated to his room when Carlisle didn't speak to him anymore he wanted to keep his mind occupied Edward mistaken it for anger but Carlisle just want to prevent Edward from feeling more guilt.
Edward sank into a chair lowering his face into his hands like a child who got punished.
Guilt kept throbbing, and hopes that it won't take forever to everything go back to how it was between them.
"Why did I had to say such a vile thing?" Edward wondered.
He can't let everything he has ever known fall apart, his parents, brothers and sister have been for him from the start.
Maybe his brooding is pure jealousy, everyone seems to better off than him. Deep inside he hates it and when Bella came to Forks all the bad things seems to be lifted.
Hours have passed and Edward stood up, when he passed the window Carlisle Volvo was gone.
He's too late to try again. Hopefully during Carlisle night shift he will calm down and hopefully understand that it was never his intention.
The next day broke through, Edward wanted to spend the night watching over Bella but the way the conversation with his father went was though. He waited until Carlisle came back home.
Edward heard the door open and confronted right away,
"Father.." Edward said.
"Hi Edward" Carlisle chirped, how was your day,?"
Carlisle spoke to him like nothing happened last night and it made Edward feel even worse.
"It was Nice" Edward murmured.
" I got more presents for the fest tree, Im looking forward to end of this year, and I spoke to the ppl of Denali and they welcome us to watch the fireworks on New Year's Eve" Carlisle said.
"Dad.. I'm sorry about what I've said, I hope you won't stay angry with me very long" Edward said.
"Edward Im not angry, I told you that" Carlisle said touching his shoulder.
"Then why did you became distant towards me?, You've never done that" Edward points out.
"I was distraught, It's like all my efforts to give you a human life means nothing because it never made you happy, I wondered if I should have just let you go to heaven" Carlisle said.
"I just felt like a villain for robbing you of that chance to be with your mother" Carlisle said.
"Father this is not your fault, none of this is, I'm the problem, " Edward said.
"I wish I could explain what I mean with that but I'm so troubled, I don't want to lose your love and respect as well " Edward said.
"Wait, let's talk about this another time, when everything has cleared up and you're back with Bella" .
"Do Whatever you need to do, I won't get in the way and I'll support any decision you make" Carlisle said.
"If you feel like you need to leave for a bit more it's okay, I'll miss you but you'll be here in spirit" Carlisle said.
"I'll be here in person, " Edward said.
"College is one of my options if everything else fails, but I'm not leaving ever again" Edward said.
"I don't think it will fail, one day Bella will understand, When she will have to make a similar decision she will know where you are coming from"
"But try not to fear the worst," Carlisle said,
-/-
Its been raining and snowing in forks, the roads are full of slush and Bella hopes in December there will be packs of snow like last year so that she'll have a peaceful holiday. She can imagine Jae playing in the snow with the others.
Not having a car is really starting to become inconvenient. Bella tightened her hold on her umbrella when a rough wind went by almost breaking it.
She reached to the store and was happy that central warming was on, the cold started to fade when she looked for Seth's gift. Maybe she should get something for Leah too, if it will make Leah dislike her less.
The rainwater was splashing fog obscured the sky, It's just another day in Forks. Bella was taking her time to look for gifts but the shop is almost closing due to the bad weather.
With a huff Bella was standing outside waiting until the weather clears up.
A silver Volvo was close to the exit of the store. The window opened and Bella came closer when Edward called out.
"Bella come on, I'll give you a ride home" Edward said. At first Bella eyes him displeased, but agreed. It's better than walk all the way home.
Bella sat on the passengers seat, "Thank you" Bella said not giving him a glance.
Edward took a longer route to her house, and they passed some bars.
"Would you like to have a drink.?" Edward asks.
"No, I got my own" Bella said.
"Could we stop at my house? My family would love to see you" Edward said.
"No Edward" Bella said calm but there was an impatient tone.
They stopped at a traffic light and Bella regretted accepting the ride. She remained in silence.
They arrived and the weather has improved only drops fell and the sun became visible through the rainy clouds.
"Next time I'm going to walk home, I don't need to you show up" Bella said and got out.
She didn't go inside her house but instead she went to a grass field where she always used to sit.
"Bella wait," Edward said joining her.
"I want to be by myself"
"I won't do anything dumb so you can just go home now" Bella said dismissive.
he felt like he ruined it, Bella made it very clear not to come unless she says it's fine but he couldn't just leave her in the rainstorm.
Edward hasn't done anything wrong by giving her a ride home but Bella knows he wasn't there by coincidence.
" Are you angry with me?" Edward asks. Bella faced him,
"You know I am. " Bella said and turned around waiting for him to go away.
"Should I have let you walk home in the middle of a rainstorm?" Edward said, " You know I can't do that"
"I told you one step at the time, but you just had to try and make me come to your house" Bella said.
"I'm sorry about that, Esme wanted to see you to give you things for Christmas but I will not ask again" Edward said.
"Please go now" Bella said.
"Bella please.. I don't know why you are so angry all the time, One day you seem to enjoy my company and split seconds later It's like I can't do anything right" Edward said.
" Is there something else I've done wrong? besides leaving? Because this just doesn't seem to resolve no matter what I do" Edward said.
"Whatever the culprit of your anger is please just talk it out"
"You damaged my trust. Left me behind like garbage. Not even once did you ever try to walk a mile in my shoes," only your side of the story is valid and I should just get over it right?" Bella said.
"I don't expect you to.. " Edward said.
"Im aware of what I've done, And I want to make it better but you keep on getting upset, " Edward said.
"You decided what's best for me, that angers me the most" Bella interrupted.
"Saying all these horrible things so that I can move on quicker as some kind of favour is vile. " Bella Said.
"It did not make me move on quicker, It just made everything worse." Bella said.
"When you saw that I was with Jacob you should have left again, without letting me know you were here" Bella added.
"I should have, but I missed my home. My family accepted me back and I thought maybe you could find it in yourself to do the same" Edward said.
"But you can't" Edward added disheartened.
"I understand that you want to hurt me back, I deserve that but I don't know what else I can do for you besides leaving again" Edward said.
"Do I have to leave? Do I have to beg? I will do that but only you know what needs to be done to make room for forgiveness" Edward said.
Bella looked away like she's trying to think about something and Edward took some steps back. Not knowing what she's thinking will always be a barrier that prevents him from understanding her.
If only he could read her mind just once in his lifetime.
"You're right Edward, I'm making this extremely difficult." Bella said.
"I will forgive if that will make things better" Bella said.
"No, do not forgive to make me feel better, only if I deserve it" Edward said. "Because I don't want you to be angry all the time, I want us to at least be able to talk to each other. Have each other over for dinner.
And not feel anxious when I want to visit you, I did not come here to taunt you, I want you back in a way that you are comfortable with" Edward said.
"I don't want to fall in love again, It won't happen if I remind myself to stay angry, and that's why I can't be the same towards you" Bella said.
"I almost fell in love again, at the meadows, but no more, I don't want you to stand here and say that you don't love me anymore after you're done" Bella said.
"After all this could be just a huge thrill to you, seeing how long it will take before you can fool me again" Bella said turning around to leave.
"Wait I'm not playing any games, some vampires are like that but I know better, Leaving was done in an act of love, Not because because I got tired of you " Edward said.
"Well you seemed tired of me ruining things, you became detached, you didn't want to talk, you were in a bad mood while you were at my house" Bella said.
"Your actions keep on contradicting your words,
" To be honest I still don't believe you ever loved me" Bella said.
"Why? " Edward asks.
"It just doesn't make sense for you to love me, how much can an Antelope mean to a predator?" Bella said.
"I can't be nothing more than a play thing" And instead of killing me off when the time is right you left" Bella said.
"Hearing you say I'm not good enough for you was the most painful thing I had to digest." Bella said.
Edward didn't want to repeat himself but Bella keeps bringing up the past, So far she only got a say in things and instead of defending himself he'll try something different. Bella always pipes down when you put the blame on her and as unfair as it sounds he has to make her snap out of her fit.
Edward looked a bit troubled and hopefully this will not backfire.
" Well having you believe those lies right away was excruciating for me" Edward said.
Bella's eyed popped, she was puzzled and went quiet looking a bit unsure.
" But that's what you wanted" Bella said a bit confused.
" Correct but It still broke my heart.. I felt like I failed you in every way possible,"
"I've told you so many times that I love you, I tried to show you as much as I can"
" I went against the wishes of my family to stay away from you but I refused to stop seeing you every night" Edward said.
"I kept risking their lives and mine to save you, I cried begging you to live when I thought I arrived too late at the Ballet studio"
" yet it only take one word to make you lose faith in me, I never thought it would have been this easy" Edward said.
"Are you upset that I believed you right away?" Bella wonders.
"No, I'm disappointed with myself not you.. I'm to blame for all of that" Edward said.
" I just hope it will be easier to accept me back over time, If you don't want to it's fine I deserve nothing from you.. but I hope you can" Edward said.
" I don't want to live without you Bella" Edward Said.
"But why ruin something so beautiful between us?" Bella wonders.
"And you decided to remove all reminders of you being here" Bella said.
" To make it easier for you to move on, " Edward said.
"Wauw, I'm surprised you didn't bite my arm off" Bella said nonchalant.
"Excuse me?" Edward said confused.
Bella pushed her sleeve back and showed him the bite mark, " This will always be a reminder that you were there, the least you could have done is not touch my stuff" Bella said.
" I didn't really take them" Edward said guilty, " I left the things I gave you under your floorboard. I wanted to leave something of me behind for you" Edward added.
Bella went quiet for a moment, she was devastated when he thought he wanted to get rid of the good memories but he just hid them in her room assuming he did her some kind of favor by leaving
something of him behind, but those things lost their value,
"This conversation is not going anywhere," Bella said.
"Just like us, It's we are running in circles with nothing solved" Bella said.
"Because you're stalling things" Edward said.
"I'm willing to do whats needed to save at least a fraction of what we had but you are not" Edward said.
"I'm the only one who is trying.. and you're just making it harder" Edward said.
" I'm not making things harder, I already accepted that we are not good for each other,"
"Both of us have put each other in danger."
"You could be in trouble exposing your family secret and I could have ended up in a body bag" Bella said.
"Since day one you wanted to drink my blood like a Capri sun and the only reason you spared my life is because you fell in love with your livestock" Bella said.
Edward couldn't help but feeling insulted, But didn't argue back. " Bella I didn't spare you because I fell in love, I left forks for 6 weeks because I didn't want to hurt you"
" To make sure I'm no longer a threat to any human" " I never viewed you or anyone as livestock.. your blood caused a momentary relapse and I left to sort myself out"
" During that moment I had no feelings for you Bella.. I understand you are angry with me but to accuse me of being a monster is.. uncalled for" Edward said.
That comment angered him more than he wanted to show, and stood up keeping his distance. " I hope that I can at least earn your trust back,
because this vision you have of me is not something I want you to keep" Edward said.
" Wait I'm sorry,.. I'm trying to find any reason to stay away from you" Bella said.
" Why now?" You've never heed my warnings before" Edward said.
"Do you fear me?" Edward asks slumping his shoulders.
"It's not fear, I'm not afraid" Bella assures.
"Then why do you want to stay away from vampires all of the sudden?" Edward asks and his stoic composure resurfaced.
" I thought as long we love each other we can face any hardships, but I was wrong I was never truly loved by you so I realize you were right from the start" Bella said.
"I should have avoided you".. Bella said.
" Bella don't you even remember the things I said to you?" Edward said.
" I remember everything you said, I won't repeat that" Bella said blinking tears away.
" Before that ! " Edward snapped, " I told you many times that I don't want to live in a world without you, I didn't lie about that"
" I'm here now, I love you and I thought about you every second I was away from you" Edward tried again.
Bella remained unresponsive Edward didn't understand why it was so easy to believe those lies but won't even accept the truth,
" I don't believe that" Bella said quietly.
" Never once did you had any intention to face any obstacles, you rather do what suits you best" Bella said.
" I did what suits you the most, a life without danger.. a human life" Edward said.
"Yes according to you, I was left out of any decision you made" Bella said.
" Walking away is never done for anyone's good but your own.. you're lying if you say otherwise" Bella said.
"Why can't you just listen?!" Edward asks as his frustration reached its peak.
"I didn't want you to die because of me! I almost gave in to my thirst!" Edward raising his voice.
"Not just me, all of us did except for Carlisle" Edward said.
"Carlisle wouldn't be able to defend you from every single one of us," Edward said.
"Don't you understand Bella?, I tried to save you..as best as I could" Edward urges.
Edward closed his eyes briefly and faced her seeming less angered.
"What would you have done if you were in my position Bella?" Edward said.
"We could have worked on things together" Bella said,
"If what you are saying is true that is" Bella adds.
"Excuse me?" Edward asks. Does she still think I don't love her.?
"You're a good liar, you're probably lying about everything, about the so called love you have. You're probably just playing with your food until that day comes where I'm no longer a distraction to you" Bella said.
"I'm a mere human after all" You've never seen me as your equal. maybe I'm just a pet to you" Bella said.
Behind her finger pointing hides the insecurity she always had. Not being good enough to keep him, if he truly wanted her then he would have changed her.
"What do you mean by that?" Edward asks again his eyes flared with rage.
Is that how she thought about the relationship with him? Edward was shocked and repulsed by such ignorance.
Bella flinched but didn't held her peace.
She refuses to believe he left to avoid harming her, to save her from that monster who almost won.
"You were probably tired of the relationship, and wanted to find someone who is less clingy" Bella said.
"A vampire.." Bella almost lost her patience.
"That's the real reason you left right? You're just sick and tired of having me around to save" Bella said.
"Well I have news for you, I'm not as fragile as you think I am, I can take rejections and it's fine.. I hope you're happy knowing that the grass isn't greener on the other side" Bella said.
"How could you say that?!"Edward asked.
"Is this how you view me Bella? A bastard?"
"I stayed alone ever since I became a vampire and I thought I'd be alone for centuries or maybe forever.. until you came!" Edward argues back.
"Never once have I desired anyone else but you, even before I left!"
Bella looked away, she didn't dare to say anything to that, mainly because it's a low blow.
Part of him wanted to yell but clenched his hands to his side.
Edward got up instead and adjusted his pea coat making himself ready to leave.
" Look If you want me to stay away from now on I will.. I'm sorry that I hurt you and I'm sorry for coming back" Edward said.
Edward no longer seems agitated; a shimmer of guilt was present in the topaz color of his iris. Edward kissed her forehead and when Bella opened her eyes again to look up he was gone.
Only a breeze was felt when he disappeared.
Bella knows she started a fight out of nowhere, It was unfair but she had to..
It's just going to create animosity between Jacob and him if she remains in contact with Edward, The kiss at the meadows appears in her dreams, as much as she wished her dream could become reality Edward is not a man she can build on.
Both Jacob and Edward have something she wants in a soulmate, If she could merge them together she could let go of her heart ache and she can have the best of both worlds, Edward is very romantic, an old fashioned gentleman and mature for his frozen age, and there is Jacob, her beloved Jae. He's wild, adventurous, with his own identity outside of their relationship and his fierce reliability is what made him steal her heart.
and now that Edward keeps his distance without sending him away, Bella can finally move on.
She will miss Edward, She'll always be fond of what they had but it's not meant to be.
-/-
Bella was at her patio, she read the response of her application and 2 collages she wanted to attend couldn't accept her. Things couldn't get any worse.
maybe she can ask Rene to keep a room for her and Jacob free if all applications are turned down.
She heard a honk of a car and her face perks up.
A truck arrived and the door flung open and Jacob rushed towards her.
Bella" Jacob said.
"Oh Jae" Bella tried and stretched her arms out as he hurried towards her. Bella clung and Jacob spins her in relief. Bella sobs into his shoulder.
Leah and Seth watched on while Billy remained seated.
Because Billy is immobile he always brings along two people of the tribe with him to make doing groceries easier.
He wanted to pick up Bella after he did groceries for the tribe but Jacob couldn't wait and had to see her.
"I missed you! I missed you so much" Bella cried.
"Bella, Im so glad you're safe and sound" Jacob said still cradling her.
"Why didn't you stay at the reservation?" Jacob asked placing Bella down.
"It reminded me too much of you, besides I still have most of my stuff at home" Bella said.
Bella stuttered, she had trouble speaking, regret of being rude to Edward, missing Charlie and seeing Jacob again created all kinds of emotions.
"Bella?" Jacob Said cupping her cheek.
"Just.. don't stay away this long," Bella sobbed. "I've been a mess without you Jae" Bella said.
"And I had sleepless nights without you, but I won't leave again, not anytime soon" Jacob said.
Jacob dried her face with his thumb and kissed her, finally they are reunited.
Seth watched them a bit surprised, He wondered if he missed something.
"But I thought.." Seth said to himself.
"Thought what?" Leah asks.
Seth flinched and kept a small distance between them.
"He might hear us" Seth said.
"Come on" Leah said moving her hair from her ear.
He lowered his voice.. "I thought Bella got back together with Edward"
"How so?" Leah asked.
"Well I saw them at the meadows being an usual couple" Seth said.
"I guess I was wrong.. or Edward is her second husband" Seth said..
"But I'm not meddling with grown up stuff" Seth quickly said. Having a persistent feeling he might have said too much.
Leah eyed Jacob and Bella and left without a word.
Jacob and Bella entered the Truck Bella greeted Billy and Seth was trying to get Jacobs attention. They started to wrestle until Billy scolds them to knock it off.
Jacob entered the driver seat and Bella remained quiet as they drove to the reservation. The window was open and the wind was ruffling her hair. It was like she could finally go home now.
And until her new car arrives she will remain with the Quileutes.
-/-
Bella stepped out and brought Billies wheelchair close to the door, Jacob helped him out and Seth pushed him inside his house.
Hand in hand Bella and Jacob walked over the sand of La Push.
"Jae" Have You imprinted?" Bella asked calming down.
"No, I had to come back early to make sure you're safe" Jacob said.
He held Bella tighter and looked into her eyes, "please imprint," Jacob thought. "I want to imprint on her..
But Jacob didn't feel a pull towards Bella.. he doesn't want to leave Bella.
"The Cullens did they leave you alone?" Jacob said.
"Not really, I've been trying to avoid running into them" Bella said.
" Why didn't you wait at the reservation?" Jacob said.
"I told you that" Bella said.
"That's a lie, please tell me truth Bella" Jacob said.
"Well It might sound a little silly.." Bella said.
"But I think that Leah doesn't like me" Bella said.
"She doesn't like me either, but I'm staying whether she wants it or not" Jacob said.
"Be like the sun Bella, it's present whether you want it or not" I want you here Bella and there is nothing she can do about it" Jacob said.
"You're my sun Jae,"
"Will you marry me?" Bella asked.
"Yes" Jacob said.
"But.. I haven't imprinted.. I tried to imprint on you a moment ago Bella but it's not working" Jacob said becoming upset.
"You've been hurt more than enough Bella.."
"Hush.. I want to be your wife.. whether if you imprint or not" Bella said.
"Who knows maybe you'll imprint when I'm already gone, the wolf gene will make you live very long.." Bella said a little envious.
"But my time on earth is trivial" Bella said "I want this more than anything.."
and Jacob knew she has no desire to let that blood sucker bite her.
"Fine... After graduation?" Jacob asked. "I need to send invitations to friend and I uh need a ring"
"Deal" Bella said, her face bloomed excited for a new life, motherhood and best of all being married.