I realize I got into writing this teen romance without putting too much thought into it. Adult Daryl is easier because I have the show to base my timeline. I need to sit down and have a proper outline of how I want young Daryl and Alice to come together as well as staying true to Daryl's original personality.
Thank you everyone for reading!
I'm on my own most times
And I hate every part of it
I fight all my fights alone
I spend all my nights alone
And I draw my lines
Way too close to myself
Nobody gets through to me
Nobody knows the real me
please hold me - Julia Alexa
Chapter 6 - I see you
You don't know how to proceed.
Ever since the night at Joe's, Daryl has been hot and cold with you. It's like he doesn't know how to act around you, and you are unsure where to step.
But something had changed for you that night.
For some unknown reason, you look forward to your study session at the end of the day.
Out of nowhere, you notice everything about him.
Like his scent… he smells like his favorite cigarette, leaves, or maybe even tree roots, and something else manly you can't quite distinguish. The way he sits, how he crosses his feet on the table. How he talks, voice rough like its coming from the back of his throat. How he bites on his nails when he's nervous or anxious. How terribly shy he seems around you. How he walks, how he eats… it was endless. It's like finally putting on the glasses you needed. For some reason you found his peculiar qualities charming, of course you would never admit that to him out loud.
Another thing you noticed was how handsome he is. He's rough around the edges, but once you looked past that, it was difficult not to notice. The little mole above his lips, his alluring eyes, especially when he looks up at you through his lashes, the blue so dark like the depth of an ocean. You try to sit closer to him during your studies, but he seems cautious around you. You keep the book closer to you, so whenever you point something on the pages, he has no choice but to lean towards you.
You even started to like the smell of his cigarettes when he smokes near you.
Though, the one thing you haven't been able to do, was touch him. Besides the unintentional touch at Joe's, he has never touched you again, not even by accident. You attempt to breach that space by initiating the contact, so you would reach for his hand during your study. You would pretend to tap him to get his attention or when he banters with you, you would laugh and reach for him as if to hit his arm jokingly. But he would always flinch, as if he is expecting pain or like he's unfamiliar with physical contact.
It was most unusual…
The only physical contact he appears to accept is when you are on his motorcycle, holding on to him. Perhaps, even that, you are not sure. He started offering you ride home after study. Although your car was fixed, you purposely leave it behind, so you have an excuse to be on his bike. In the morning, you would ask your father to drop you off on his way to work, and in the afternoon, you would hop behind Daryl's raggedy bike, and grasp on to his waist. It's the most freeing feeling, weightless in the universe. You would press your face to his back and let the wind caresses your body.
Sometimes you would stop by at the convenient store near the school for snacks. He would buy his cigarette and you would buy a chocolate. After, he would take you to the local park near your house, and you would share the chocolate bar while he smoked. You would animatedly talk about your classes or what happened in chess club. He would just stand there under the shaded tree, leaning on his bike. Watching you with those eyes…
Just like that another 3 weeks went by.
The project was moving along as well. Of course, you were still doing all the work, but once you accepted that the most you were going to get from Daryl was for him to show up, things kind of became easy. You no longer stressed over the details. You still read out loud and explained, hoping he retained some of the information.
Today the weather is nice. You can tell summer is creeping up.
When he shows up at the library, you are sitting on the table, legs swinging back and forth. You have been waiting for him, fiddling with your portable CD player. He hesitates the moment he come in sight of you. There's a troubled look on his face. He looks at your backpack and the empty table you set on. He is unguarded unlike his usual self. Its obvious on his face, like a book you read it, the fear that perhaps your time has come to an end.
"We ain't studyin today?" He asks once he stood in front of you. You want to smile and ask, when has he ever studied with you, when he doesn't even bring a piece of paper for the sessions.
"Actually, I was thinking maybe we can do something else today!" you answer instead, your voice cheerful. Today seems like a good day for a break. You already finished the first draft of both yours and his essay. You still have two weeks to complete the diagram and edit the final draft.
"Like what?" He questioned.
"I don't know, but I have my car today." Your father was out of town for work, and you didn't want to walk to school. "I was thinking maybe we get something to eat and go for a ride or something," You suggest. "It's too nice outside, to sit around in a dingy library."
"Aight," He shrugs his shoulder, body relaxing. With your backpack on your shoulder, you both head out toward your car. Most of the after-school activities are coming to an end for the year, and the parking lot is deserted except for a handful of cars. You can see Daryl's bike parked at the far end of the space.
"This is your car?" Daryl questions with a huff, circling your BMW. You realize then this is his first time seeing it. He was always the one to give you a ride. "E28 right? What year is it? 85?"
"Its 87 actually," You state. "You know about cars?" There's a light in his eyes, and you can tell this is something he's interested in.
"Just a little," he tells you, fingers back at his lips. "Let me check under her skirt." He nods toward the hood. You press on the remote key fob, unlocking it. Within seconds he has the hood open, fingers meddling around the wires and metal parts.
"You know your alternator is fucked up right?" he informs you.
"What!" You gasp, leaning to look down inside the hood, like you know what you're looking at. Daryl points at a piece of metal the size of a pineapple. "But I just had it service…" you grumble.
"Well, he's scammin ya." He says wiping his hands on his pants. "I can change that for you if ya like?"
"Really?"
"Yea… or I can go with you next time, make sure that asshole does his job." He offers.
"Thank you. I trust you if you want to change it." What's the worst it can happen. The car was already on its last leg. When he shuts the hood, he pets the car. You briefly remember the rumor about him stealing a car and taking it on a joy ride last year, how he was sent to juvie for that.
"You want to drive?" You question. He had a startled look on his face, and you could see him waver. You didn't wait for an answer, you already knew. You just tossed him the key. The smile that breaks out on his face was bright. Reminding you that he was just 17 years old.
He was quick to jumped to the driver side, and you got in the passenger seat. "Where should we go?" You ask as he pulls out of the parking lot.
"I know a spot." His voice was Jubilant. You tossed your backpack in the backseat and leaned back. You laugh, bracing yourself when he accelerates, but once he gets on the main road, he slows down. All the car window was open, letting the warm breeze wash through the car.
"I was thinking we can stop by at a drive through and get something to eat… maybe a milkshake," you thought out loud. Ever since you met Daryl, you have been indulging on fast food. He hums as his answer.
It doesn't take long for Daryl to stop by at In & Out burgers. It's your turn to treat even though he doesn't like it when you pay. You order two double cheeseburgers, one chocolate milkshake for you and one strawberry milkshake for Daryl. With the food at the foot of the passenger seat, you are back on the road.
It was about 20-minute drive later, when he pulls off the road into some woody area. It was an unpaved trench slope. He gradually pulls up a hill until he stopped before a cliff side. You got out to look around, holding on to your trusty portable CD player in hand. From here, this high off the cliff, you can see most of the city, behind you stood a vision of dense forest.
"Wow, this is nice," you looked around again. It was so peaceful up hear, like a page out of a national geography magazine. "How did you find this place?"
"I got lost in these woods when I was a kid, I eventually ended up here." He said with his usual nonchalant voice, grabbing the bag of food and his milk shake. He casually hops on the front hood of the car, sitting with his back leaning on the wind shield.
You look behind you at the dense forest again, so deep and dark, it could belong in a Disney fairytale movie.
"What do you mean you got lost?" You question trying to follow him up the car, but because you are wearing a short summer dress, it takes you a few tries to get on the hood. Of course, he helps you by grabbing your hand and pulling you up. "How old were you?" You examine once you are seated.
"I was maybe 7. I was out playin with some kids, hide and seek in da woods. I got separated, didn't realize how far I went. I was lost for eight or nine days, and ain't nobody noticed I was even gone. I walked through da woods for days before ending up here," He digs in the greasy paper beg and pulled out the burgers, before handing yours. "From here, it was easy to make it back home. I walked right in and made myself a sandwich." He tells you, taking a bite out of the burger.
"Where were your parents?" You ask horrified. This is the first glimpse you are seeing of Daryl's past. The curtains pulling back a little.
"Ma was already passed by then. My old man was busy chasin some waitress," He replies. You look behind you into the opaque woods for the third time. You can only imagine how scared he must have been, to be in the impenetrable forest in the pitch dark. All of the sudden, you lose your appetite. You lean back on the windshield.
"I'm sorry about your mom..." you breathe, looking at his side profile. "What happened to her?" You are afraid to hear the answer.
"There was a fire," he pauses, his mind lost in thought, perhaps revisiting the memories. "She liked her wine, and She liked to smoke in bed, Virginia slims. I was out foolin around with some kids when we heard the sirens. They had bikes and I didn't, I remember runnin so hard to catch up to em, hopin to spot something worth watchin." He takes a bite and takes a moment to chew, a moment to gather his thoughts.
"It was my house that was on fire…my ma smokin in bed, must have fallen asleep. Everythin was burnt down to crisp." He sips his drink. You want to reach out and comfort him, but you know it will not be well received.
What can you even say to that.
But with this small glimpse of his past, like everything else about him, you notice. You connect the dots so quick; it amazes you, that you did not come to the same conclusion prior to this knowledge.
Daryl was severely neglected as a kid. With neglect, often abuse follows, perhaps physical…maybe even sexual too.
The skipping school, the bruises, the anger, the fights, the lack of friends, the constant smoking, the fear of physical contact…
It was so obvious.
How could you have missed that…
You just sit there, your heart dropped in your gut.
Should you share something about yourself as well, to make it an even ground? But what can you say at this moment that won't sound so trivia.
"You gonna eat that?" Daryl's voice breaks your thoughts. He motions with his chin to your burger still sitting on your lap. You hum with a fake smile, unwrapping, and bringing the food to your lips. Anything not to think about those grim thoughts your mind was conjuring.
The burger, it's hard to swallow. Your throat is constricted, like its parched and you feel clammy. No point eating now, you think to yourself as you put the food back into the paper bag.
You had finished your milkshake on the drive here, so you look at Daryl's drink he's nursing in his hands.
"Let me get a sip," your hand reach for his drink, as you ask. He quickly jerks it away.
"Nah, no way! This is mine, you already crushed yours." He replies stretching his hand up, holding the drink as far away from you as he can.
"But what if I'm choking?" You pout, leaning for his cup again. He pushes it farther.
"Then you die!" He tells you. You immediately grab hold of your throat with both of your hands, throwing your head back in theatrical gagging.
"Such a drama queen," he says with a smile, non-the-less he hands you his strawberry shake. He lets out a laugh, watching you take a sip from his straw with a little seated dance.
This interaction breaks all the negative thoughts in your head, the atmosphere back to being relaxed.
After a few sips, you return his drink. You prefer the chocolate anyways.
There's a moment of peaceful silence, and you sit there fiddling with your portable CD player, before bringing the wires to your ear. You extend one of the earpieces to him. He looks at it, before he gently accepts, putting it in his hear. The newest album you purchased starts to play.
Iris - Goo Goo Dolls
You look at his hand that was lackadaisically placed between you, his fingers faintly tapping on the hood of the car. You gently place your hand near him. The start of a sun set has the sky blazed with rays of yellow and orange. The night starting to glow with the emerging bright city lights below. The breeze was gentle, lightly kissing your skin.
It was serene.
You look anywhere but at him as your pinky creeps towards his. Ever so lightly, like you're about to cut the wire on a bomb, you lock your pinky around his.
A physical touch, a gentle comfort.
"And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am"