God I cried like a baby writing this...
So here we go: this is the epilogue for The Start of Infinity.
From here on out, it will constantly stay on present time- as our journey takes us to Alexandria
The Start of Infinity - Epilogue
You find yourself standing waist-deep in the vast expanse of the ocean, where the gentle waves caress your stomach. The air is filled with the salty mist that mingles harmoniously with the soft whispers of the breeze. Clasped within your hands is a weathered shoebox, its corners frayed and its lid slightly askew, bearing witness to countless openings and closings. Within this unassuming container, lie hundreds of letters you have written, each one an outpouring of your deepest emotions and untold secrets, all of which you never found the courage to send to Daryl.
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"We'll get it done. I'll help with the notes, but you must write your own essay."
"Hmph of course," he says with a wink.
"Don't wink at me, I'm serious!" You shake your head again with laughter.
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As you raise the shoebox to your chest, your hands tremble with a mixture of desperation and deep-seated sadness. Each breath you take is heavy with the weight of the unspoken, and tears well up in your eyes, threatening to blur your vision. The time has come to release these letters into the world, to let go of the sentiments that have consumed you for far too long. At least that's what your therapist said.
"Not everyone is meant to stay in your life forever," she had said. "Sometimes they are only there long enough to teach you the lesson that you needed to learn."
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"Let me get a sip,"
"Nah, no way! This is mine, you already crushed yours."
"But what if I'm choking?"
"Then you die!"
You immediately grab hold of your throat with both of your hands, throwing your head back in theatrical gagging.
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With a deep breath, you summon the strength to open the lid, revealing a cascade of folded papers. They are like tiny boats adrift on the vast ocean, carrying the weight of your unspoken desires, regrets, and confessions. With a shaky hand, you release the first letter, watching as it falls gracefully into the water. The ink bleeds upon contact, the words dissolving and transforming into ink-colored tendrils that snake through the ocean, a silent testament to the depths of your emotions.
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"Alright, you ask for this!" You yell before you drop down right on the sand and roll on it. You can tell he's watching you with his eyebrow raised. From chin down you are mummified with the sand.
"Alrighty then!" You get on one knee in a sprinting position and look up at him. And you can see understanding drift on his face.
"You won't fuckin dare."
"Charge!" you let out a battle cry, as you take off towards him.
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With a heavy heart, you invert the box, emptying its contents into the water. Like a flurry of white confetti, the hundreds of papers scatter and hang suspended in the water. They float like ethereal ghosts, caught in a moment of release and surrender. The folded papers, once held with such care, now dance upon the surface, surrendering to the ebb and flow of the tides. As the letters soak, their delicate fibers become saturated with the essence of your unrequited love, longings, and regrets.
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"Can I kiss you?"
"wha…"
"Is it too weird that I asked? Totally ruins the moment right, I should have just gone for it."
"Why are you so goofy!"
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Through tear-stained eyes, you watch for a moment, the pull and push of the ocean, as it teasingly draws the letters nearer, only to swiftly snatch them away. Overwhelmed by a mysterious impulse, you select one letter at random, the remnants of your emotions clinging to each page. Your fingers tremble as they trace the crumples, trying to relive the emotions that fueled these words. The ink, now smeared and blurred, mirrors the anguish you once felt, as you delicately unfold the page with a gentle touch. You read each letter with a mixture of pain and longing, memories flooding back as if you were living them all over again.
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My dearest Daryl,
In movies, girls simply eat ice cream, watch sad movies, and cry to get over a guy.
Why isn't that happening for me?
I'm in pain, Daryl. Is it supposed to hurt like this? This overwhelming pain strikes me at the mere thought of you.
The ironic part is that I think of you constantly—every hour, every minute, every second.
It wasn't until I lost you, I truly understood what it meant to love someone unconditionally, without expecting anything in return…
From thousands of miles away.
Yours forever,
Alie
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"SNAKE!" you screech climbing his body like a tree.
"What?" it takes him a second to catch what you said. "Ow, ya chokin me."
"Over there, in the water! It touched me!"
"Alright, alright. I'll go check."
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My dearest Daryl,
I'm struggling to understand it all. How is it so effortless for you to let me go?
How could you so easily discard me like that? You made promises to me! You promised me a future where it would be just you and me.
Just you and me!
And you left me! All alone in the dark! I waited for you! I waited for you all night! I was ready!
If only you loved me even a fraction of the love I have for you...
I should have refused that day in biology class when Mr. Lanigan asked me. I should have said NO!
Yours forever,
Alie
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"Don't know what you're talkin' about, this shit is delicious,
You said you made this for me, right?
Then, Imma finish it."
"Daryl...It's okay. You're not hurting my feelings. Really, you don't have to eat it."
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My dearest Daryl,
I don't mean that. I don't even know why I entertained such thoughts, let alone put them into writing.
I want you to know that I don't regret a single moment spent with you, not one thing.
Even as I sit here in the bathroom, in the empty tub with the curtains drawn, writing this letter to you, I don't regret it.
Despite the unbearable pain squeezing my heart and the feeling that I might die any minute; I don't regret having you in my life.
You were the best thing that ever happened to me, Daryl. I want you to understand that.
Despite the pain, you were the best thing that ever happened to me.
Please know that you are so loved, Daryl, so incredibly loved.
Yours forever,
Alie
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"When I look at you, I see you… I see the true essence of who you are." Your lips trace down to the bridge of his nose, "And every single day, I am amazed by you, inspired by you, in awe of you."
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My dearest Daryl,
Now there is nothing left but to mourn my tragedy.
Day after day, the moon pursued, shining as brightly as she could, but she was never good enough, never bright enough.
Now the moon has lost her sun, reverting back to being a mere rock.
I've lost the only sun in my universe.
Now there is only darkness. There is nothing to anchor the moon, just a solitary rock adrift in the abyss.
Yours forever,
Alie
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"Come back! I'm just kidding!" your laughter echoes throughout the parking lot as you chase after him. "A kiss for a lick, I mean it this time!"
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You hold each soaked letter close to your heart, hoping to recapture the emotions they once held. With each letter you pick up, it becomes difficult to unfold the paper, now softened and fragile, seems to dissolve into the water, as if to say that the past can no longer be held onto. The once-bold declarations of love, the heartfelt apologies, and the whispered confessions are now mere whispers on the wind, fading into the depths of the ocean.
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"You don't have to hide anything from me, Daryl. I've got you,"
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My dearest Daryl,
I discovered something fascinating in my physics class today, and the entire time, my thoughts were consumed by you.
It brought me immense joy because it made me feel closer to you.
Here's what I learned:
According to quantum theory, there are instantaneous connections between two entangled quantum objects, such as electrons.
Not faster than the speed of light, but instantaneous connection at any distance. So, distance and space have no meaning. In fact, there is no separation.
In the quantum level, theoretically, everything is linked. Therefore, the ocean, the moon, the sun, the forest, you, and me… are all one.
So, at this very moment, we are linked together, Daryl.
Yours forever,
Alie
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"Daryl," you whisper, and he responds with a hum.
"I'm at my happiest when I'm with you,"
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My dearest Daryl,
It has been a year.
I don't quite know why, but a part of me held onto a glimmer of hope that I would wake up one day and realize it was all just a dream, or that you would unexpectedly knock on my door, and we could pick up right where we left off.
Then my therapist's words resurfaced in my mind: "Hope can be incredibly destructive when your heart is broken."
Last night, sleep eluded me, and in the silent darkness, the harsh reality finally took hold: it is undeniably over between us, isn't it?
This is the end, huh?
Perhaps it has been truly over for some time, but I have been unwilling to truly accept it.
I know.
I could live a hundred lifetimes, and I know I would never find what we had. The trust, intimacy, honesty, and love—it's all gone now.
I wish I could turn back time just so I could savor every moment we shared.
I wouldn't ask for much. I simply want to linger longer in your arms, where I felt the safest.
To close my eyes and feel your tender kiss on my forehead, hearing you call me "sweetheart."
So, I can kiss you longer.
So, I can remember better.
So, I don't forget.
I guess now, I think I can keep taking breaths and letting them go—one after another.
And gradually, I can begin to let you go too.
My sweetheart…
I wish you the best!
I wish you love and happiness.
I wish you health and joy.
If not in this lifetime, perhaps in another universe, the stars will be aligned, and I'll find you.
Yours forever,
Alie
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"I love you, Daryl,"
"I would go to war with you, or for you, because you make me want to be a better person. With you, I feel like we can be better than the people who came before us."
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With a sob escaping your lips, you tenderly return the sodden letters to the water, watching as they drift away, merging with the swirling currents.
"Hey, you're doing so well. You're almost there," Emma's voice breaks through the tumult of emotions. You steal a glance at your roommate, momentarily diverting your wet eyes from the ocean's embrace. She, too, stood in the ocean waist-deep, the girl who had shared your dorm since day one, the girl who had watched you cry yourself to sleep. The girl who became your support system.
"Remember what Dr. B said," she reminds you as you meet her bright gaze. Her vibrant red hair and piercing green eyes create a vivid contrast against the tranquil backdrop of the ocean. "He was supposed to be that one big lesson of your life—the one who taught you how to live free, love unconditionally, and give selflessly."
With a nod, you turn your attention back to the ocean. A trembling hand reaches up to your neck, where a seashell necklace rests against your skin. It is the sole physical reminder you have of Daryl, carefully crafted by his own hands—a token of love from a time that now feels distant and irretrievable. The gold wire holding the dark purple and blue seashell has faded over time, transformed into a copper hue that stains your skin green, symbolizing the waning connection between you and Daryl—a mark he has left behind, representing a chapter of your life in need of closure.
Driven by a sudden surge of determination, you unclasp the necklace, feeling the weight of its significance in your hand. As you clutch the necklace, memories flood your mind—whispered promises, shared laughter, and moments of profound intimacy.
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"Chickens, huh?"
"We could even get married and have a couple of kids,"
"And on lazy Sunday afternoons, I could sit on the front porch sipping coffee while watching you teach our children how to hunt, and shoot a crossbow, or mow the lawn."
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But alongside these cherished memories, there is pain, heartache, and the knowledge that some things are meant to be let go.
Without a second thought, you toss it into the waiting arms of the ocean. The seashell, a precious fragment of your past, returns to its rightful home, carried away by the currents, forever out of your reach.
The immediate rush of regret crashes over you, your heart sinking with the seashell as it disappears beneath the surface. "WAIT! NO! NO! NO!" A cry escapes your lips, and instinctively you dive for it, a desperate attempt to retrieve the necklace, to salvage what little remains. But Emma's quick arms jerk forward, wrapping her arms around you, holding you tight to herself.
"Wait! Please wait!" you wail, arms outstretched toward the necklace. The pain of letting go clutches your being, threatening to pull you under. "What have I done, Emmy? What have I done?" She weeps alongside you, sharing in the raw emotions that overflow from your wounded heart.
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"We will figure it out, okay? We will, because in the end, it's just you and me, to infinity and beyond that."
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"No, Alie," she pleads, her voice trembling with tears that mirror your own. "Let it go. Let him go." Through eyes stained with tears, you observe the remnants of your torn letters, the fragments of the shoebox, now adrift in the unforgiving waves.
There is a brief moment, and then a piercing scream erupts from the depths of your being, echoing through the crashing waves, cutting through the air. You gasp for breath as your tears merge with the salty sea spray, while Emma's arms tighten around you, as you allow yourself to mourn, to grieve the loss of what was and what could have been.
Side by side, you and Emma remain standing in the expanse of the ocean that stretches before you, its vastness serving as a metaphor for the infinite possibilities, both the ones that slipped away and the ones yet to be discovered.
Let it go.
But I knew you'd linger like a tattoo kiss
I knew you'd haunt all of my what-ifs
The smell of smoke would hang around this long
'Cause I knew everything when I was young
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The End
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