A/N: This will be a little different than my usual fluffy Polin stories. It doesn't have a perfect ending. It's a real scenario where we explore more of Colin's motivations. This leans more heavily on the book than the show.
"I just don't know what I'm supposed to do!" Colin said frustratedly.
Penelope was in the Bridgerton sitting room with him. It seemed that everywhere he looked lately, she was there.
She might have always been there, but he hadn't noticed until recently. She could be quiet as a mouse.
"What do you mean?" Penelope replied.
"I don't know what I'm doing with my life. Anthony has a wife, children, and his role as the Viscount. Benedict has a wife, children, and his art. Daphne has come into her own, as the Duchess - she has always wanted to organize and host events. Now, she has achieved her dream in the role of a duchess. But me … I've … traveled. I've not made any impact on the world. At the end of the day, I've done nothing." Colin complained.
"Are you seriously complaining about not having a purpose?" Penelope said.
"Yes!" Colin seemed to light up now that he had finally figured out a way of wording what had been bugging him.
"Are you kidding me right now?" Penelope sounded angry. It was the first time that Colin had heard her like this.
"Of course, not." Colin was confused. Why on Earth would Penelope be upset right now?
"You're telling me that as a man, a person who is afforded more freedoms than I can ever dream of, you're upset that you can't find a purpose." Penelope scoffed.
"Hold on," Colin was starting to see where she was going with this.
"No! I'm frustrated with you at the moment. Try not to complain about how hard it is when you have so many advantages." Penelope cut him off.
"Penelope," Colin paused. "I thought we were friends."
"We are. I'm just annoyed with you right now." Penelope crossed her arms over her chest.
"So, I'm never allowed to complain about my life with my friends? I listen to you and I hope that I shore up your dreams and hopes." Colin said. "I thought you could do the same for me. I understand that our lives are different. But …"
Colin paused as though trying to think of how to share his thoughts.
Penelope gave him the time and space to find his words.
"I trust you. I thought you trusted me." Colin said.
Penelope tilted her head. "Of course I trust you."
"Okay, but a foundation of trust is that I can be vulnerable with you." Colin's tone had turned slightly scolding. "If you don't want me to be vulnerable and share my problems with you, that's fine. I didn't realize that that is the kind of friends we are."
Penelope looked stricken. "I didn't mean to imply that you can't be vulnerable with me!"
"Well, it would be one thing if I was constantly complaining about something to you… but this is the first time I've brought this up to you." Colin sighed.
"I'm sorry, Colin." Penelope sat down on the chaise lounge. "I guess … I thought that your complaining was particularly difficult to hear because it feels like you have so many opportunities and you're spitting in the face of them."
"Penelope …" Colin shook his head. "It's not that I can't see that I have more opportunities than you. It's that I can't find something that I'm passionate about. You and Eloise constantly are talking about specific books and have your hands covered in ink. You both have that one thing that you find enjoyable. I don't have that."
"Colin …" Penelope started slowly.
"No, please let me get this out," Colin said. "It's like I have this well of uncomfortable feeling inside me. Sometimes it overwhelms me. It makes me feel nervous and like I need to be doing something. But I can't settle it. I can try different things to distract it. But at the end of the day, when I lay in bed, I can't shake it. It won't go away. It is constantly pushing me for something. But I don't know what that something is."
"I didn't know you felt like that," Penelope said quietly.
"I do. I thought it was normal for so long. But when it impacts my life and I don't see it impacting anyone else's … it frustrates me. Plus, that infernal woman keeps calling me charming. As if I'm just an empty-headed Bridgerton. Like I could be replaced with anyone who has dark hair and green eyes. I'm a person!" Colin was nearly shouting in anger.
Penelope reached over and picked up Colin's hand. She turned it over and wrapped it in her two hands.
"I may not understand how you're feeling or what it's like to feel that way. But, I'm your friend. If you're struggling, I don't want you to have to hide away. I want to help you. You've helped me so much." Penelope said earnestly.
"Thank you, Penelope," Colin said. He paused. "Are you rubbing my hand?"
"Yes," Penelope said determinedly. "It's a hand massage."
"Oh." Colin looked at his hand wrapped in hers. "Why are you giving me a hand massage?"
"Are you feeling that uncomfortable feeling right now?" Penelope asked.
"Well, not right now," Colin admitted, with a half smile. "Now, I just feel confused."
"Good. If I can be a confusing distraction, then I shall be your confusing distraction."
Colin looked into Penelope's face. "You're not going to scold me anymore for being upset?"
"Not anymore. We can talk about why I responded the way I did later. For now, let's just sit in the moment." Penelope said, her hands continued moving over Colin's hand.
He had to admit that he did feel a little better.
The End.
A/N Okay, I'm starting to realize something that's been bugging me about the book. Penelope gets angry at Colin being upset that he doesn't have a purpose. But ... that's a deeply human concern. She doesn't get the right to just dismiss his concerns because she doesn't share them. I think there's some truth to her issue that he overlooks all the advantages he has. But just because someone has a cushy life doesn't mean that they can't get upset or feel anger. That mindset is bullshit. I think there's room for growth for BOTH Colin and Penelope here, but this is where I got when I started writing.
(ALSO WHY WASN'T COLIN IN THE PROMO VIDEO! I'm really annoyed at this whole rollout. Like yes, we have dates, but it's becoming harder to feel like they actually care about the season or that it will do either character justice.