This has been simmering in my head for a while now. I orginally intended for this to be a very long one shot. But I realized i don't have the patience.
This story is very different from my other Fem!Ritsu stories. There's a lot of hurt/comfort, depression, and medical issues that will be addressed further into the story.
Enjoy.
Ten Years Ago
Saga Masamune stared wide eyed at the words written on the piece of paper. The letter from Oda Ritsu, his Ritsu, tore him to pieces as he read every word.
'Saga-senpai. I'm sorry. I wish there was a better way for me end this. I realized recently that I can no longer be with you. What we have, or what I thought we had, is not love. I'm ashamed to admit that there's something wrong inside me, something that I can never let you see. I know you can never forgive me, and I won't ask you to. But for your own sake, forget me completely. Goodbye.'
The sixteen-year-old collapsed to his knees as he clutched onto the paper. Tears streamed down his cheeks and splashed onto the wood floor of his room. His cat Sorata meowed sadly when he sensed his owner's anguish. He nudged his little furry head against his leg as Masamune shook with sobs wracking his entire body.
"Why?" Masamune whispered as his heart broke from the words his Ritsu gave to him. How could she think they didn't have love? Why would she believe that after everything they've done together? He curled up on the floor and cried his heart out with Sorata beside him. There he stayed as he wallowed in his sorrow.
Present Day
Onodera Ritsu stood patiently beside the Marukawa employee as she listened to her explain the Emerald Department, otherwise known as the Shojo Manga Department. How this happened is beyond her. She mainly works with literature at her father's company, so why dump her in manga? She doesn't even read manga.
When she arrived at Emerald, she was completely taken by surprise the moment she saw all the zombie editors littering the floor or slumped in chairs. She stepped over the half-dead bodies as she made her way to the editor-in-chief. Takano Masamune, her first impression, total dickhead. In the first hour since she arrived, he called her useless, took her to see one of their mangakas, then forced a kiss on her just to model a scene for the artist to draw up without so much as an apology. She had to fight the strong urge to punch his lights out.
After that whole episode, she sat in the lounge and ate her lunch with a deep frown upon her face. How can she work in manga of all places, especially all those romantic lovey-dovey scenes? She can't possibly work with sappy romance comics when her own personal experience is too bittersweet. She always had a passion for books, mainly literature, they were her only escape from the loneliness and suffocation she experienced growing up. When she entered high school, she always found herself in the library where she made it her sanctuary. While books were her only friends growing up, she always found herself watching her Senpai who always had a melancholy expression on his face. Just seeing him from a distance always put her at ease, like the pain she constantly felt all her life just disappears. She thought she could be content by just watching, until that day when their hands reached for the same book. Standing so close to him, she blurted out her feelings without thinking. How embarrassed she felt at that moment, she waited for her Senpai to laugh at her. Instead, he asked if she wanted to go out with him. The joy she felt erased her embarrassment as she accepted whole heartedly. The days after that were like a dream come true, she realized then that what she felt was love in the purest form. But like all dreams, she had to wake up. She ended her first love with her Senpai in the most cowardly and unforgiving manner possible.
She shook her head to rid herself of those memories. No matter how hard she tried, ten years couldn't erase her first love, it was just impossible. She grunted slightly when she felt a twinge in her left leg. Her hand traveled to her knee to massage the pain away. The pain wasn't as bad as it was before, but it still came in small sparks, as though to remind her what she lost and could never have back.
'We could never work out anyway.' She ruefully thought to herself as she drank her coffee. Her Senpai was her first and last love, and her precious time with him taught her that she can never be worthy of anyone.
"Hey?"
Ritsu looked up in response and saw Takano standing there with his arms crossed and a cigarette in his mouth.
"Did you finish submitting the manuscript?" She asked politely.
"Yeah, thanks."
Ritsu glared a little, 'Bastard's not even gonna apologize for that kiss. That was sexual harassment!'
Takano puffed out a cloud of smoke. "By the way, I just confirmed this with my boss, but you're the daughter of Onodera Publishing house, right?"
Ritsu was surprised but composed herself, "I have no connection to that company."
"Are you mad for being here, since you wanted to do literature?" Takano asked seriously as Ritsu gripped her paper cup tightly. 'What do you think?'
"Not exactly. How should I put this?" She sighed, "Shojo mangas are heavily focused on romance. All honestly, I have the least bit of experience with such a concept. Or rather, a negative one. The very idea of it is just foreign to me."
"Well, if you're not motivated, then quit. Otherwise, you'll get in the way." Takano bluntly and rudely said which caused her to raise her head and glare at the editor.
"How many people do you think get to do the thing they love for work?" He asked rhetorically.
"Well..." Ritsu couldn't really answer that question.
"Everybody starts as a noob, alright?" He offhandedly stated.
Ritsu stared in confusion. 'Is he trying to cheer me up?'
But that question proved false by his next statement, "Well, useless people are useless no matter what they do."
That strong urge to kick him returned. 'And an asshole will always be an asshole.'
Takano snuffed out the butt of his cigarette and said, "Newbie, the others have gone home, so you can go home too."
"You can call me Onodera, thank you very much." Ritsu said, hating the nickname he gave her.
Takano ignored her words and asked curiously, "Listen, have we met before?"
"I don't know." Ritsu answered with a frown.
Afterwards, despite Takano telling her to go home, she stayed a little longer and decided to read through the department's manga books to get a sense of what she was getting into. Even though she has no experience with manga, she wanted to at least try and understand it, and do her best. She wanted to prove him wrong and show him she is not useless. So, with a new kind of motivation, she sat down carefully, being mindful of her left leg as she opened the first shojo book from the stack.
Takano had his bag over his shoulder as he made his way to a meeting but stopped at the opening of his department when he saw the new girl sitting at her desk engrossed in a manga book. Seeing the look of utter concentration on her face made him remember the girl from his high school days and how she would lose herself in a book. He stared at her when he noticed how similar she was to his girl. Same hair color, same eyes, pale skin, and a petite figure. The main difference is how this woman never smiled while his girl always smiled, shy yet sweet.
'No, it can't be her.' He turned away as that familiar stab from the last ten years came back. 'She's gone.'
The next day she mentally prepared herself for her official first day of work in the pigsty of a department. But what caught her completely off guard was all the pink and mushy stuffed animals that littered the place and the very much alive editors greeting her with enthusiastic smiles. Apparently, what she saw yesterday was the end of a cycle for a deadline. And with them refreshed and in good spirits, they were beginning a new cycle. As for all the girly crap infesting the department, it's all about the atmosphere to help them with shojo. 'When in Rome, do as Romans do.' In other words, get inside the head of the female gender by surrounding yourself with pink ribbons and stuffed animals. This was by far the strangest day of her life, and it's only her second day at her new job.
Her new fellow editors were the serious Hatori Yoshiyuki, smiling Mino Kanade, and the only other female in the department, baby face Kisa Shion. They were kind enough to show her the ropes of cut and pasting and explaining the mood of each page they were working on.
She felt a warm hand in her hair and turned to see her boss watch her with honey-brown eyes. "I can't shake the feeling I've met you before. You sure this isn't our first-time meeting?" He said as Ritsu blushed under his scrutiny. She frowned as she lightly smacked his hand off her head, "Considering we live in the same area, we might've passed each other. Also, we work in the same business, so we might've been at the printers at the same time or something."
Takano pulled his hand away. "I guess you're right." He said as he walked back to his desk.
Kisa noticed Ritsu had a manga catalogue and was shocked to learn the newbie is memorizing and began reading the thousands of manga books they have. Ritsu smiled fondly, "Actually, I used to read all the books at the school library regularly. It's my favorite place."
Takano looked up in shock at what he just heard as he stared at the newbie with wide eyes. Ritsu looked up, confused by his expression. "Are you okay?"
He looked away, "It's nothing." He said as he sat down as Ritsu shrugged and began her work.
Over the next two weeks, Takano kept sneaking glances at her. In this light, she looked exactly like his Oda. "The library is my favorite place." He remembered those exact words and her fond smile whenever she was talking about a new book she read, the same smile Onodera gave Kisa.
'It is you.' He thought as he glanced at Ritsu again. It could not be a coincidence, Oda is Onodera. How she grew up completely different from the sweet young girl from ten years ago. His first love who vanished off the face of the earth no matter how hard he looked, like she never existed. Today he was gonna get answers, but unfortunately it had to wait until they were alone. He glanced up at the clock and glared at the ticking hands that mocked him with every sound it made.
Ritsu collapsed on the couch in the break room after an exhausting day with helping an unreasonable mangaka make the deadline. This was her first hell week, and it just about killed her six ways to Sunday. She massaged her left knee to bring some comfort back into her limb.
"Here." She looked up when a can of coffee was offered to her by Takano himself.
"Thanks." Ritsu said as she took the beverage from her superior. A strange tingling sensation ran through her when their fingers brushed against each other. She blushed at the contact as she clutched the drink in her hand.
"You did good today. She's normally not one of our most hysterical mangakas, but she was definitely having a hard time getting it out." He said as he took a seat next to her.
"I hardly did anything. I've seen her work; she truly has a talent for it. It was just her passion that needed to be rekindled. A boost of confidence mainly. It's no different from literature authors." Ritsu said as she opened her drink then took a sip.
"That's right, passion and talent are what authors need in order to create a book. We as editors have to keep that fire going for them so it doesn't burn out." Takano smiled at her suddenly, taking her by surprise as she looked away when that fluttery feeling came back.
"You've dealt with your fair share of authors. I heard you built Emerald back up in just a couple years." Ritsu stated, staring at her beverage, she needed to look at somewhere other than him.
"Yeah, Isaka practically dumped me in Emerald when it was on the verge of collapse. Said, 'You're in charge of Emerald, good luck.'" Takano said as he glared when he thought about the boss' crazy son.
Ritsu smiled, "Isaka-san must've saw your worth if he trusted you with one of the manga departments. You're definitely persistent and passionate about your work. You must be proud of what you do here." She blushed when she said that, sneaking a glance at him as he puffed out a cloud of smoke from his cigarette. She couldn't help but admire him, he was so passionate about his job and goes above and beyond to make his authors work shine. He was doing what she dreamed of doing herself.
His eyes met hers, which caused her to look away nervously. 'Idiot, why am I getting nervous around him. I told myself I wasn't falling in love with anybody' She berated herself as she clenched her hand into a fist against her knee.
"You haven't changed at all." Takano commented, making Ritsu look up in confusion and asked, "What do you mean?"
Honey-brown eyes widened then narrowed at Ritsu. "You really don't remember."
"You said we met somewhere before, but I'm pretty sure this is my first time meeting you." Ritsu said, confused, and slightly scared at how Takano was watching her.
Suddenly, she was on her back with Takano looming over her, her drink fell from her hand and spilled all over the floor. "Takano-san!" She exclaimed as she tried to get up, only to be pinned down by the older man's hands. "What are you doing?"
Her eyes widened as he hovered closer. "Helping you remember." He said as he sealed his mouth over hers in a sweet, gentle, and passionate kiss. Ritsu gasped at the sudden contact, her body tingled at the familiar sensation that sparked through her. She was frozen stiff as a particular memory of her first love flashed before her eyes, they were on the bed kissing each other in the aftermath of their lovemaking, a moment she wanted to last forever. The last time she saw him before disappearing from his life forever.
Takano pulled away to stared at her confused and dazed expression. Her lips quivered as a tear peeked at the corner of her eyes, making her vision blur slightly. "S-S-Saga-Sen-pai?"
Takano smiled as he cupped her cheek in his hand, brushing away the tear that escaped her. "I found you." He whispered as he lowered his head to kiss her again. Ritsu closed her eyes as she was drawn into the kiss, a moan escaped her as Takano deepened the contact. Just as she got lost in the kiss, she felt a familiar twinge in her left knee. Her eyes widened as she woke up from her trance.
With strength she didn't know she had; she pushed a surprised Takano off of her then used her right leg to kick him in the chest with such force that it practically launched him off the couch.
Ritsu sat up quickly, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand as she stared at the man in shock. There's no way this man... he can't be him. Her thoughts raced as she stumbled onto her feet before she ran out of the room towards the elevator.
"Onodera!" Takano yelled after her as he pushed himself onto his feet to follow after her, his hand still on his chest to massage the area where she kicked him.
Ritsu was rapidly pushing the down button, hoping to summon the elevator much faster before her ex-boyfriend catches up.
"C'mon, c'mon..." Ritsu anxiously repeated until she heard a ding. "Thank you!"
The second the doors opened, she immediately rushed in and pressed the floor button multiple times as she prayed for the doors to close immediately.
The doors began to slide shut, making Ritsu sigh in relief. Then Takano appeared in her vision, his face filled with confusion and fear as he tried to stop the elevator.
"Ritsu!" He called out as the doors cut off his line of sight before taking her to ground floor.
Ritsu leaned against the wall behind her as she tried to get her breathing back in order. Her hand touched her chest, feeling her heart race a thousand miles. Her legs shook, and it took all of Ritsu's willpower not to collapse. When the elevator dinged and the doors slid open again, she bolted out of building as fast as she is able to without stumbling.
The very moment she returned to her apartment, the movers came and unloaded the boxes into the living room. She smiled at them in gratitude before they left. The young woman released a sigh then slumped onto the couch, feeling exhausted emotionally and physically. This wasn't what she planned when she decided to start over somewhere else. First, she's dumped into manga, then she finds out her ex-boyfriend is her boss. Somehow, she can't help but wonder if there's some cosmic force that has it out for her.
She touched her left knee out of habit and released a breath when she stared at the boxes, realizing she needs a box cutter. Deciding now would be a good time to get one while she's out food shopping at a convenience store, she got up and walked out of her apartment. As she dug through her purse for the key to lock the door, she didn't notice someone behind her.
"Onodera?"
Ritsu turned around and was shocked to see her newly discovered ex-boyfriend standing in front of the door right next to hers.
"Wha-What the-? How did you know where I live?" Ritsu exclaimed in exasperation.
"I live here." Takano stated as he pointed to the door to his apartment, "It looks like we're neighbors."
Ritsu's mouth dropped when she glanced from Takano, his apartment, then her apartment. Her mind filled with curse words she could not voice out.
Unable to handle this new situation she turned back to her door and wrenched it open. "Please excuse me!"
"Wait-" Takano called out, but she had already bolted back into her apartment like rabbit hiding from a predator.
Ritsu's back was pressed against the door as she began to hyperventilate. 'This cannot be happening. This cannot be happening. The CANNOT be happening!'
The poor frazzled woman began pacing in her living room, her fingers buried in her hair as she tried to make sense of what was happening to her. 'How is this possible? I only wanted to start over without my past dragging me, but now that one part of my past has come back to HAUNT me! Why, why, why, why, WHY is my ex-boyfriend my new boss AND my neighbor!' Ritsu stressed, her mind completely in disarray as she found herself in a most harrowing situation.
Throughout her pacing, her left foot caught the corner of one of the boxes and sent her to the ground with a hard thud and scream.
Ritsu groaned as she pushed herself off the ground and sat up with her right leg pulled towards her and her left leg extended. Ritsu stared at her left foot, though she can stand, she knew she can never truly feel anything below the knee.
A lump formed in Ritsu's throat when she remembered the horrible thing she did to Saga, how cruel and cowardly she broke things off. At the time, she believed it was for the best, that he didn't have to suffer her... afflictions.
A tear ran down her cheek before she used her hands to pull her left leg towards her and wrap her arms around them and began to cry.
From then on, Ritsu has done everything she can to avoid her ex-boyfriend at work, which proved extremely difficult considering they work together. With a firm resolve, she tried to keep herself emotionally detached as she treated him like a coworker.
Takano, however, was adamant about speaking with her. During break, he caught her at the vending machine getting a can of coffee.
"Onodera." Ritsu nearly dropped her beverage when her boss snuck up behind her before she whirled around to look up at the man she's trying to avoid.
"Um, please excuse me." Ritsu ducked her head as she tried to scurry passed him.
Ritsu stopped when he caught her arm. "Why do you keep running?"
"I-I'm not." Ritsu tried to deny as she kept her eyes to the ground.
"Are you mad about the kiss?"
Ritsu blushed and shook her head furiously, "I don't want to talk about it, let's just forget it ever happened."
Takano took her chin and made her look up at him, his eyes full of questions he wants answers to after spending a decade wondering why the woman he loved disappeared so suddenly. "Tell me why you disappeared back then, why did you leave?"
Ritsu opened her mouth to speak, but Takano cut her off, "Don't I at least deserve an explanation?"
"I-" Ritsu couldn't speak when they heard people approaching.
They quickly separated from each other to not get caught in a compromising position.
"My place tonight." Takano suddenly said to her.
"What?"
"After work, you come over and we settle things between us." Before Ritsu could protest, Takano added, "Ten years Onodera, you at least owe me that much."
Ritsu felt that same lump form in her throat at the look he was giving her, it was full of suppressed pain and confusion.
With a resigned sigh, she responded, "Alright."
Takano looked satisfied before he left to return to the Emerald Department.
The discomfort in her left knee came back.
After she returned to her apartment and placed her stuff away, she stood in front of the door next to her home and summoned her courage to knock.
'I need to get this over with.' Ritsu thought to herself as she rubbed her left thigh just above her knee.
Ritsu raised her hand and knocked three times. She didn't have to wait long before the door opened.
"Hello Onodera, come on in." Takano stepped aside to make way for Ritsu then shut the door behind her.
"Thank you for having me." Ritsu greeted cordially as she entered her neighbor's domain.
"I half-expected you to flake on me and hide in your apartment." Takano stated, internally happy Ritsu didn't go back on her word.
Ritsu sighed, "I was tempted to. But I need to clear the air between us if I want to keep working at Marukawa unobstructed."
The way she said it sounded cool and calm, as though she was settling a business transaction. This was completely different from the Ritsu he knew from a decade ago. Though if he was being honest with himself, it wasn't a bad trait.
"This way." Takano escorted Ritsu into his apartment until they entered the living room.
Ritsu noted how the interior structure is no different from her apartment, and everything is clean and organized whereas hers is still riddled with boxes she has yet to unpack. As she ventured further into the living room, she noticed a bookshelf, one section in particular had her favorite author. "Hey, I just finished reading this book." She said out loud as she pulled out the book upon seeing the cover.
Takano smiled a little, "Glad to know you're still a fan of Usami-sensei's work."
"Of course, I have a whole collection of them... somewhere in one of the boxes." Ritsu muttered to herself then smiled, "I even had the opportunity to work with him back at Onodera Publishing."
This caught Takano's interest as he stood beside her. "Really? Which one?" He asked as he browsed his collection.
"The Contemplations of the Koi Fish." Ritsu answered as Takano found the book and opened the front page, scanning the publication until he found what he was looking for.
"'Edited by Onodera Ritsu.' Huh, well done, I read this twice." Takano said as he flipped through the pages.
Ritsu felt a swell of pride at one of her authors' works being appreciated. "I'm glad you like it. I had a blast reading it firsthand. Although, the downside was trying to get Usami-sensei to meet his deadlines. It was a nightmare trying to wake him up. Sometimes, I couldn't tell if he was sleeping or dead." Ritsu said in exasperation at how she literally had to take care of the man-child.
Takano chuckled under his breath as he returned the book back in its proper place. "Glad you had a good time."
"Yeah, who doesn't love babysitting?" Ritsu muttered as she placed the book back on the shelf.
Ritsu schooled her features and turned to Takano, "I believe I came here to talk with you?"
Takano was disappointed they had to stop talking about their favorite books. It was one of those few moments where Ritsu came out of her shell and talked nonstop without reserve. Just the way her eyes lit up brought out her charm.
Takano sat in the armchair while Ritsu stationed herself diagonally from him on the couch.
"What happened ten years ago?" Takano asked, the question haunting him for over a decade.
That same discomfort came back to her left knee again. Ritsu massaged just above the area out of habit.
"You sure you wanna know?" Ritsu asked, watching her hands.
"Yes."
Ritsu took a deep breath, steeling herself for the explanation she knew would hurt them both. "I woke up."
"Excuse me?" Takano asked, not understanding what she just said.
Ritsu clenched her hands into fists, "What I felt for you back then...it wasn't real. I thought it was real. But it turned out to be a child's fantasy."
"A 'fantasy?'" Takano glared, feeling even more hurt, "Was that all I was to you?"
Ritsu kept her emotions in check, "That's right. I wanted to escape my family situation, even for a short time, and you provided the excellent means of escape. I wanted to taste the thrill of going out with someone outside of my family status." She knew the lies that came out of her mouth were hurtful, but she needed them to hurt so Takano would want nothing to do with her.
Takano smiled bitterly, "So you were pretty much a high-class noble playing with a middle-class highschooler."
Ritsu closed her eyes for a moment, "Yes, that's exactly how it was. I never dated anyone before, so I wanted to try it just a little. Besides, you had plenty of girls vying for your attention, it's not like I was anything special." She said with a fake smile as she fought to keep her voice from cracking. "Still, it was a nice little fantasy, and giving you my first time wasn't so bad."
"It was real to me." Takano said, clenching his fists tightly as he listened to those cruel and callous words from his first love. "I loved you Ritsu. I never forgot about you." He said, staring at her with hurt in his eyes.
Ritsu's heart ached at what she just heard, and it took every ounce of her self-control not to break down. "That was your mistake, not forgetting about one girl." She said, glaring at him to hide her own pain, "However, the one who made the first mistake was me. I never should have confessed to you, nor should I have confused a child's fancy with love." She continued mixing her lies with the truth.
"It may have been a fancy for you, but what I felt then was genuine. And that kiss, there was nothing made up about it, and I can tell you felt it too." Takano stated, remembering the rush of emotions he experienced when he kissed his long-lost love after ten years.
Ritsu blushed and glared, "I didn't feel anything. It's just been a while since I last touched a man, that's all." She vehemently denied.
"How long?" Takano asked, suddenly feeling jealous of the idea of someone else touching his Ritsu.
"None of your business." Ritsu quickly said then sighed, "Look, what I did to you was completely immature. Even though it wasn't my intention, I still hurt you. For that, I am sorry." Ritsu apologized as she bowed her head to Takano, her ponytail draped below her ear, exposing the back of her neck. "I understand if you don't want me working in Emerald. But if it's all the same, I do want to give editing Shojo a shot." She raised her head, but kept her eyes on the ground, "I'm not trying to get anything out of you, nor do I want to pursue any relationship with anyone. I just want to have a fresh start away from my father's company."
Takano could see she was genuinely sorry about what happened in the past, but felt she wasn't completely truthful. Whatever she's hiding, he intends to find out, and the best way to uncover whatever secret she keeps is to have her work closely with him.
Takano sighed, "If that's what you want, then I suppose I can work with that."
Ritsu looked up to meet his gaze, "Really?"
"I'll try to keep our personal lives and work separate from each other." Takano added, leaning back in his chair.
"Of course, that works for me. I'll try my hardest in Emerald." Ritsu said, feeling a little better knowing they can put the past behind them.
"One last thing before you go." Takano said as he stared at her with a glint in his eyes.
"Yes?" Ritsu blinked.
"With the mystery of your disappearance solved, I can seduce you, right?" Takano's sudden question caused Ritsu to sputter.
"Huh? Are you joking?" Ritsu exclaimed.
Takano watched her with half-lidded eyes, "No matter who I was with, I could never forget you." It's true. Even in the time when he broke down and became promiscuous, none of his one-night stands could measure up to his first love. They could never replace his Ritsu.
Red dusted Ritsu's cheeks as her heart raced.
"I'm going to make you say you love me again." Takano vowed, determination and certainty written all over his face.
It is at this point, Ritsu could not keep her calm anymore. She shot to her feet and glared at Takano. "You cannot be serious! It's not gonna happen! Why would I even want to get back together?" She then scoffed and turned her face away, "You know what, forget it. I'm going to bed. I'll see you at work tomorrow." She said as she marched out of the apartment and back to hers.
Takano watched her walk off and was immediately drawn to how her hips moved side-to-side in a way that looked sexy. Takano groaned when he felt himself harden. How he wished he could take her right away, but he needs to seduce her first, wear her down until she gives in. He spent the last ten years wanting to see her again, even when he couldn't find a single trace of her, he held on to some hope that she'd come back to him, to give him another chance. This time, he will have her back.
Back in her apartment, Ritsu sat on the floor with her back against the couch staring into the distance.
''Make me say I love him.' What a fool.' Ritsu thought to herself, trying to understand what Takano truly meant by that. Does he intend to make her fall for him then toss her aside as revenge for the humiliation she put him through? It makes sense, she did after all leave him without a trace, and she blatantly told him a complete lie by making herself the bad guy.
Ritsu sighed through her nose and leaned her head back to stare up at the ceiling. She wanted him to forget her and move on. Why didn't he just forget her?
A tear ran down her temple, she was sad he didn't forget, yet somewhere deep inside her, she rejoiced in knowing her first love remembered her after ten years.
'What am I thinking? I decided long ago that I would never fall in love again. I can't. Not anymore.' Ritsu wiped her face then slowly stood up with a grunt then made her way to her bedroom. She desperately needs some sleep.
She sat on the bed and slowly removed her clothes, leaving herself in her bra and jeans. But instead of unbuttoning at the waist, she reached down to her left ankle and pulled the zipper up to her mid-thigh. Ritsu sighed as she stared at her left leg...or rather, her prosthetic. She ran her hands over the socket then hooked her fingers at the edge of the sleeve and gently rolled them down her thigh until they surrounded her titanium ankle. Carefully, she removed her leg from the socket and scooched further up onto her bed. She then hooked her fingers into the liner around her thighs and repeated the process. All of this done with meticulous practiced ease.
Ritsu removed the rest of her clothes then pulled on a white cotton nightie. She groaned as she massaged the aches in her left leg, trying to ease the stress of the day. Releasing a long mournful sigh, she laid down and stared at the ceiling, something she has done since she was eight years old.
"He can't know. He can't know." Ritsu whispered that mantra to herself, the same words she spoke the moment she made the decision all those years ago to spare him from ever seeing her like this.
"Please God, don't ever let him know."