Just a one-shot. New to writing these kinds of stories so I hope you like it! Set somewhere in season 23 / 24 after Liv receives the letter.
I've had enough
Olivia had a long day at the precinct and was happy to open the door and step into the comfort of her own home. She threw her purse on the ground near the door and started walking towards the kitchen and put the Chinese take out containers on the counter. Noah was at a sleepover so she had the evening to herself. She took the containers with food to the couch and sat down while eating her dinner. Her mind started wondering.
She thought about the night Elliot was drugged and revealed the real author of the letter he gave her after he got back from Rome. She wondered why he gave her the letter in the first place. Was any of it true or was he just trying to destroy the little bit of trust that she had in him, and why would he do that? He says he wants to mend their friendship but his actions say the exact opposite. How can she trust him after all this time, after being hurt so badly when he left ten years ago?
She was so lost in thought that she didn't hear the knocking on her apartment door until it became loud enough to interrupt her thoughts. She moved to open the door and looked through the peephole. She sighed when she saw that Elliot was impatiently waiting for the door to open. She was looking forward to a night to unwind and get her thoughts together. The last thing she needed was a conversation with the man who occupied all her thoughts for the last few weeks.
She opened the door. "Elliot, what are you doing here?" He lifted up his head and gave her an unfamiliar look. Although, they had been partners for twelve years and she could usually figure out what he was thinking, this look puzzled her. The desperation in his eyes was evident, so she immediately assumed the worst. "Is everything okay, something wrong with your kids?"
He walked towards her, his hands framing her face before he answered. "Liv, I've had enough", and before she knew it his lips were on hers. He slammed her door shut with his right leg and started pushing her towards the couch.
Overcome by shock, she initially didn't respond but when he started to deepen the kiss she pushed him away. "Elliot, are you drunk", she asked him angrily. "What the hell is the matter with you?"
He looked into her eyes and repeated the same words when he entered her apartment. "I've had enough, Liv".
"Enough of what? You are not making any sense", she said. The look in her eyes revealed that she was getting angrier and more frustrated by the second.
"I've had enough of pretending that you are not one of the most important people in my life. I've had enough of hiding the love that I've felt for you for 23 years. I've had enough of keeping my distance towards you, because all I want is to hold you close and never let you go. I've had enough of feeling like the selfish person that I am for leaving you without saying a word ten years ago. I've just had enough of everything that I've tried to do to alienate you from me in order to be the loyal and faithful husband to Kathy. I've had enough of trying not to love you, because honestly I just can't".
He paused to search for words. "All I want to say is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry for leaving you, for not giving you the curtosy of telling you, for the letter, for everything that I've done in the past that hurt or upset you in any way. I've had enough of not holding you in my arms, when all I want is to be the one you run to when life gets tough."
He looked into her eyes and saw the tears that were treatening to spill. He saw the confusion, the shock, the hurt that his words were triggering. But underneath these layers of emotions he saw his partner. The woman he loved and could not live without. He did the only thing he could do in that moment. He stepped towards her and took her in his arms.
Olivia did not know how she was supposed to react but it was like he knew there was only one thing he could do after revealing his true feelings. She embraced the feeling of comfort that being in his arms brought her. She closed her eyes while trying to hold back her tears, but she couldn't. All the emotions they felt were poured into the hug that lasted an eternity compared to the one they shared when his wife had passed away. When he finally let her go, he looked into her eyes again and saw something that he had only seen a couple of times. True sadness colored her face and he wondered what was going through her mind.
She looked away, turned around and started distancing herself from him. "Liv, please talk to me. Tell me what it is you need, because I can't stand seeing you like this." She turned around and started searching for words.
"Elliot, you must know that I would do everything for you or your kids. You are one of the most important people in my life and you have to know that even after all this time I would trust you with my life". She started looking at her feet while gathering the courage to continue. She sighed and when she looked up she saw Elliot smiling at her and he started closing the distance again but stopped when Olivia shook her head.
She started tearing up again and the pain became evident in her eyes. "But I can't trust you with my heart. I always thought the one thing you wouldn't do was leave me. When it dawned on me that you really weren't coming back I felt like you ripped my heart out and walked away without caring what that would do to me. You broke the trust that was build during the twelve years we were partners. The trust that I would need to be partners in life. The trust that I need to love you completely without always holding back because I'm afraid my biggest fear will become reality again."
Elliot looked at her and started realizing just how hurt she must have been after he had left the unit without saying goodbye to her. How much strength it must have taken for her to continue working in the place where they shared so many memories. How tough it must have been for her to trust the partner that was assigned to her after he had left. But most of all how loving, courageous and fearless she had become after being so horribly treated by him. It made him love her even more.
But it also made him think that maybe he should just leave. Maybe he should have left her alone in the first place. Maybe coming back for her award ceremony was the stupidest idea he has ever had. But then he started thinking about their partnership, their friendship. What that bond meant to him and what it obviously had meant to Olivia. Leaving now, after everything that he had said to her would be worse than leaving her the way he did ten years ago. Now is the time. Now, it's time for the biggest fight of his life. The fight for true love.
"Liv, I know that I do not deserve even a small piece of your heart after what I put you through the last decade. But being away from you for so long has made me realize that no matter how many miles I put between us, you will always have a piece of my heart. And that piece has become bigger and bigger after seeing you again and being back in New York. During the intervention with my kids you asked me what I need."
He stepped towards her, took her right hand and kneeled before her.
"Right now, I need you to be the fearless and courageous Olivia that I know and give me a piece of your shattered heart. I realize that you and I will never be complete. We are two broken people with shattered hearts but maybe we can start healing together. Maybe the only way we can last forever is broken together. I know my promises do not mean much but I promise you I will never take that shattered piece of your heart for granted. I would give my life to protect it". He kissed her hand and looked up at her.
Olivia looked down at him with teary eyes and saw the sincerety that was marked on his face. He was being completely vulnerable with her and she knew that complete vulnerability was the last resort of Elliot Stabler. He was still holding her hand and she saw that he was waiting for an honest answer.
"Elliot, I'm just not sure if I am ready to do this. Honestly, I've been waiting my entire life for this moment and now that it is here I can't help but wonder if this... if we will work. And I can't live with myself if this goes south and I end up losing one of the most important people in my life. If we do this, we can never go back."
Elliot interrupted her. "I do not wanna go back. Not now, not ever. I just want a chance to be with you. A chance to love you the way that you deserve to be loved. A chance to explore what we could be. Not as Captain Benson and Detective Stabler, but as Elliot and Olivia. Just us."
She gave him a stern look. "Elliot, if you are messing with me, I swear I will shoot you. I'm not sure I could cope with losing you again."
Elliot stood up and framed her face with his hands. "I swear to you, Liv. If you give me this lifeline I will grab unto it with both hands and never let go. I do not want anything else. We can't have a captain shooting a detective now, can we?"
She smiled and looked into his eyes. "Well then, Detective. I guess you should grab your lifeline and seal that deal with a kiss.
He smiled at her. "You're right. I've had enough of all the talking". He kissed her and savored the moment he finally fought for love and won.