After Harvey told Donna "You know I love you, Donna" and walked out on her there was silence between them for a few days. He thought she doesn't feel the same and walked away otherwise she would've stopped him and would've told him the same, right?.
Donna on the other side was that shocked that she didn't get a word out 'if he walked away he didn't mean it, right?' she thinks. At some point she decides to ask him.
And when she does he tells her. He tells her that he's never loved someone like her before and he never told her because she didn't want to get involved with men she works with and because he was too afraid he'd destroy their friendship if she doesn't feel the same way.
They become a couple and wonders what big idiots they've been for so long. The first weeks were perfect. They were happy and spent mostly their whole free time together. But with the time they started to argue more and more. Donna felt like Harvey wouldn't put her first but the job. She was too jealous and snapped at him he had a meeting with a good looking woman and felt like he'd flirt with them, even though he didn't. She also never believed him when he said that he was tired or didn't feel good and didn't want to go out or something like that. She always thought he just didn't want to and it made Harvey mad. He didn't get her. He didn't get that he needs to tell her he loves her from time to time. 'if I wouldn't love her I wouldn't be with her, would I?' he once asked Mike after a fight with Donna. He didn't get that she needs him to show her he loves her and doesn't take it as 'normal' that she's there.
He didn't get why Donna doesn't trust him but thinks he'd betray her when he flirts sometimes because of the job. After what happened with his parents she'd know he'd never do that and especially not to her.
At some point they give up.
"it's over, isn't it?" he asks sadly and she nods crying.
"It wasn't meant to work out with us" she says in a low voice.
"but I love you" he whispers, not trusting his voice
"and I love you… but… we're just hurting each other"
"You just need to trust me that I only love you"
"Your only priority is your job and I understand, you worked so hard for it but I can't live like that"
"I can change, I could-"
"No, it's everything between us. We don't get each other. We did it pretty well as friends but as a couple we failed"
"yeah, we really did" he confirms
"and now?" he asks
"I'll go to Miami for a while. Maybe I can work In my sister's company"
"You're leaving New York?" he asks shocked
"yes. I can't keep working at the same place with you"
He nods understanding her fully.
"I love you, Donna" he says with shaky voice and pulls her in a tight hug while he doesn't try to fight the tears.
"I love you, too"
After she leaves he doesn't hear from her anymore. He asked Mike and Rachel not to tell him about what's going on in her life or how she's doing even thought he wants to know, it'd hurt too much to talk about her.
And she does the same. Every time she talks to her friends they never talk about Harvey, never. Except the one time Rachel told her that Jessica left and that he's the new managing partner. And she was really happy for him to hear that.
At some point she meets John at her sister's firm. She became the new COO and he was the head of the marketing team. First they were just friends but at some point they started dating.
After 11 months Donna is moving back to New York. She missed it a lot. Miami was great but she didn't feel home there. She was happy when John told her about the job offer. This way they could move together and both of them would be happy. Even though she has to start and look for a new job, she doesn't care.
… … …
"Oh my god it's so good to be back here" Donna says with a huge smile on her face. She takes a deep breath through her nose and exhales through her mouth.
"New York" she says happily
"it smells disgusting" says the man next to her, his face contorted.
"That's bullshit" Donna contradicts and the man shakes his head laughing
"I really don't know what you New Yorkers have with this city, you act like there's no other place like it"
"That's because it is the truth"
"Yeah sure" he says and kisses her "Want a coffee?"
"Sure" she smiles at him "I love everything about this city the coffee, people, the buildings, my friends... Harvey"
"Harvey?" he asks, a little taken aback, knowing exactly who that is. But as he follows Donna's gaze, he sees the man standing on the other side of the street saying goodbye to someone and shaking his hand.
Harvey stands rooted to the spot as he turns around to cross to the other side of the street. The former couple looks at each other for a few seconds without moving. For a few moments they forget how to breath.
"Donna? are you coming?"
"Uh yeah sure. Go ahead and order us something. I'll be right behind you"
"Okay" he says uncertainly.
"hey" she stops him "don't worry. I just want to say hello" he nods and leaves.
She slowly walks towards him, still unsure of what to say.
"Hey" she treats him with a smile and for the first time in almost a year he hears her voice again and he realizes how much he had missed it, much more than he thought he did.
"Hey" he greets back "you look 'stunning' … great" he compliments her and wonders which word he said it out loud.
"Thank you" she says softly "you too"
"You back in New York?"
"Yes"
"How long?"
"Two days. John has a job offer-"
"John" Harvey whispers, "was it him?" he asks hesitantly and she nods in agreement.
"How are you doing?" they ask at the same time.
"I'm fine, it was a hard time but now everything's alright."
"good" he says quietly
"What about you?"
"good so far. I'm managing partner now" he tells her with a smile. He knows that she'll probably know already but he wants to tell her himself.
"Yeah I heard… congratulations" she smiles back "You deserve it"
"Thank you" he nods "I could've never achieved that without you so I guess I have to thank you"
"you could've done it on your own"
"No, for sure not" For a few seconds there's silence between the former couple. Non of them knowing what to say next, so Donna just decides to do the best thing she can think of, walking away.
"I- I have to go, he's waiting for me"
"yeah sure, I don't want to keep you"
"It- it was nice to see you again, Harvey"
"You too"
She turns and walks towards the coffee where her boyfriend just walked in.
"Donna" Harvey calls out to her, planing to ask if she'd like to have a coffee with him.
"Yeah?"
He waits a few seconds only to say "it was really nice to see you"
She nods with a smile and keeps walking.
"Damn coward" thinks Harvey angrily. Donna on the other side was also hoping he would ask her. She knows there's no way back to where they were and she has no feelings for him anymore, she's sure about that but a drink would be great; of course only for old time's sake.
She knew they would see each other again sooner or later now that she was back in New York. If only because of Mike and Rachel, after all, they are mutual friends. Even though she had no contact with Harvey, they were still her friends. But she has sworn to herself that she doesn't want anything more from him ever again. She is now with John. He's great, he reads her every wish from her eyes and does everything he can to make her happy. He's her future and Harvey is her past.
"Probably it's better that way" she says to herself and approaches John.
"Have you already ordered?"
"Yeah, you want something to eat?"
"No, thank you" she smiles at him
"Look I-" she speaks up but is cut off by him right away.
"No need to explain. I know you care about him and I already knew you're gonna meet him again. As long as you don't have any feelings for him anymore, everything's alright"
"I don't" she assures him "He's just someone I really loved a lot once… but now I don't do it anymore" she smiles at him taking his hand in hers and squeezes it.
Even though she tries it she isn't able to get him out of her head anymore.
Seeing him again has reopened wounds. Wounds that she thought had healed long ago. But this man always manages to throw her off track and that makes her angry.
… … …
"Harvey?" Mike calls him a little louder and the older man flinches. He looks up at Mike
"You have your head in the clouds?"
"I'm sorry, Mike. What did you say?"
"Are you alright?" his associate asks
"Yeah sure. So what d'you want?"
"I need your signature on the case. Mrs Stanford agreed, it's over"
Harvey takes the file and signs it "great job, Mike" he says handing it to him.
As Mike is about to leave he turns his head once again to look at Harvey only to notice that he's lost in thoughts again.
"Are you really okay?" he asks a little worried "you know you can talk to me, right?"
A slight smile build up on Harvey's face "yeah I know that"
"Then tell me" he says softly "what is it?"
Harvey takes a deep breath
"Why didn't you tell me that Donna's back in New York?"
"You already met?" is Mike's first reaction. He knows it's the wrong one but Manhattan is so big and she's only two days here. It's almost impossible to meet that fast.
"sorry" he apologizes as he notices his reaction
"I'm sorry, I was about to tell you"
"but?"
"There wasn't the right time. We were so busy and every time I wanted to tell you something came in between"
"You didn't tell me she's in a relationship either"
"You told me you wouldn't want to know or talk about her so I assumed it'd be the best thing to do"
"and the real reason is?"
Mike takes a deep breath "You just started to let go and then she told me about him. I didn't want you to feel worse again."
"Is she happy?"
"I think so"
"Then I have no reason to feel bad. All I want is her to be happy. Everything else doesn't matter"
"Did you talk?" Mike asks curiously. He has no idea how they'd react to each other. They didn't leave on bad terms but they broke up even though they loved each other.
"Not really. I met her on the street while she was with him. It was more a small talk. I wanted to ask her for a drink in the next days but the coward that I am, I chickened out and let her go, again." he says sadly.
"I'm pretty sure you'll have other opportunities to ask her. She'll stay in New York" he tells him.
"Yeah I know but I don't think her boyfriend will be happy about her having drinks with me"
"I think it's on Donna to decide that" Mike says softly
Three weeks later
It's Rachels birthday and Donna and Harvey are both invited. They haven't seen each other anymore since the other day but they couldn't get each other out of their head anymore.
The mood is somehow awkward because non of them knows what to say, especially between Donna, Harvey and John. The two men shake each other's hand but they have no idea what to say to each other. The same counts for Donna and Harvey. They act like there just random former colleagues who met by chance. At some point Harvey decides to stop being a coward and ask her for a drink when they're accidentally alone in the kitchen.
"How d'you think about a drink? Just the two of us" he feels the urge to emphasizes that he means only them.
"I don't know Harvey"
"come on, just a drink? It's been a long time we since we saw each other. I'd love to know how you're doing"
She hesitates briefly because she couldn't get him out of her head since she met him the other day and she doesn't know what it'd do to her to spend a whole evening with him
"all right" she agrees
"Wednesday at 7pm?"
"sounds great. Del Posto?"
"Sure" she smiles
Later Donna is lying on the bed alone. She and John had an argument after she told him about her plans of meeting Harvey for a drink.
He doesn't want her to meet him because he knows their story. And he saw Harvey's look when he looked at Donna and he also saw hers, she's still not completely over him and spending time with him won't do any good. She's the only one in a long time he feels like it could be forever and he doesn't want to lose her.
Donna can understand him although she's also disappointed that he doesn't seem to trust her. Deep down she knows he might have a reason not to do it but she won't admit it.
Wednesday
Harvey sitting on the table and has already ordered. He's waiting for five minutes now and is getting nervous.
'maybe she changed her mind' he thinks 'maybe he didn't want her to come', 'of course he didn't, he would want that?'
"I'm sorry for the delay" she interrupts his though and a huge smile builds up on his face
"No worries, I'm happy you accepted to come" He gets up and helps her off her jacket and positions the chair for her.
"I ordered us Macallan, I hope it was okay."
"yeah sure"
"and your favorite snack to it" he adds
"You didn't forget it" she says
"of course not"
They look at each other for a little while without speaking, both hesitant of what to say or ask.
"You and- John… is it serious?" he asks.
'idiot' he thinks 'if it wasn't serious she wouldn't move across the country for him'
"Yeah, I guess so. We met five months ago and at some point he asked me out. First I declined but he didn't give up and I agreed, since I really like him. Now we're a couple for two months."
Harvey nods "How it comes that you're back here?" He could kick himself for those questions. He can't help, his mouth is faster than his brain right now.
"sorry it's uh, not my business"
"No, it's alright." She smiles "I was really missing New York and when he got the job offer it was good for both of us"
"So you're looking for a new job?"
"yes. Rachel told me her father is looking for a new COO since his COO will retire. Maybe I'll start there in a few months"
"Sounds great" and there's another silence between them.
"Are you happy?" he asks all of a sudden. Donna looks up at him and smiles, even though there's a little sadness in her eyes
"Yes" she says quietly "He's a good man. He does everything for me to make me happy." 'but he's not you' she thinks.
"That's good, I'm really happy for you" he says sincerely with a smile.
And there it is that smile that always melted her heart when she saw it. The one smiles that let her forget everting around her. She had no idea how much she really missed it. It has something reassuring in it, something that tells her everything will be alright again. And it happens again, she forgets where she is. She closes her eyes briefly and clears her voice, gathering herself.
"What about you, are you seeing someone?"
"No" he shakes his head "I mean- I was seeing someone but it didn't work out. She was really great and understanding-"
"why did you end it then?" she asks straight away like she always has and what he always loved about her.
"sorry I-"
"it's okay" He looks up at her
"honest?"
"Yes" she answers
"she wasn't you" he says sadly and she gulps.
"Harvey"
"No, you don't have to say anything. I just don't wanna lie at you. I still love you and I don't wanna be with someone else. I'm not gonna hurt someone just to 'try it.'
I hurt you enough and I'm not gonna do the same to someone else."
"Our break up wasn't only your fault" she says softly fighting the tears
"I pushed you too much. I should've been more understanding knowing and I should've trusted you more"
"It's your right to expect from your partner to put you first, Donna and to expect from him to show you he loves you… but I realized it too late"
"Yeah but I always knew you loved me and I always knew I could trust you with everything. After we become a couple I started to doubt it. Everytime I saw you with a woman I thought you could betray me. I should've known you'd never do that to me"
Another silence between them
"Do you think we gave up too fast?" she asks him
"I don't know, sometimes I think it wasn't meant to be" he tells her sadly
"I should never have doubted you" and a tear rolls down her face
"I should never have let you go" he says while he lifts his arm to wipe the tear from her face. She closes her eyes when his hand touches her cheek
"Harvey" she whispers letting out a shaky breath.
"I should go now" she says in a low voice and he nods.
"I'm sorry, I didn't want to make you cry."
"No need to apologize."
"I wish we'd have a second chance" he whispers
"I- I will always love you but I can't hurt him, he's a really good man and I can't do that to him. He doesn't deserve that, I really like him" she adds trying to convince both of them.
"I get that" he assures her softly
"I don't expect anything from you, especially not when you're in a relationship. All I want is you to be happy. Like I said I didn't tell you to make you feel bad I did it because I didn't want to lie to you. I didn't plan it to tell you"
"I know" she reassures him. She knows he'd never interfere on purpose on someone else's relationship. It was out of the situation, they're both overwhelmed from their feelings they hid for months. It's not like they broke up because the didn't love each other. She gets him and that's why she can't be mad at him for telling her that.
… … …
Donna took a few minutes for herself in another restaurant to freshen up her make-up so John wouldn't notice she cried.
"You're back already?" he snaps
"yeah, did you think I'll go with him?" she shoots back
'kinda"
"seriously? Am I not allowed to talk to anyone now because we're a couple?"
"He's not just anyone Donna"
"He was my best friend for the longest time and I still care about him. I never hid that from you."
"He was also your ex!" he shoots at her angrily
"He was one of the most important people in my life and-" she waits a few seconds while she thinks about the best way to say it without him getting miffed. She doesn't want to fight with him, not now and not about Harvey "I just wanted to know how he's doing" she says with a calm voice which also relaxes him.
"Yeah all right" he replies
"Look I really don't wanna talk about Harvey with you. I told you everything. I never lied at you about him. And now I'm telling you you don't need to worry, I want to be with you, okay?"
"okay" he smiles at her, not fully convinced but he wants to trust her.
"Let's just don't talk about him. I wanna enjoy the rest of the evening with you and I really don't care about how he's doing" he kisses her and they start talking about something else.
John was hesitant to move to New York. He knows the story with Harvey and Donna, he knows she still thinks of him sometimes. He knows it's not easy to let go, that's why he never asked her about it but slowly their relationship is getting more serious and he doesn't want to be her second choice. He knows he loves her even though he hasn't told her yet.
'he still loves me' she thinks 'why the hell did he tell me now I can't think of anything else', 'Could we have a second chance?', 'do I wanna give us a second chance?', 'no, i'm happy with John. He's great he-'
"Donna, are you even listening to what I'm saying?" asks John upset while they're lying on their bed later in the evening.
"uhm- uh sorry I" she shakes her head to gather herself again "I was in thoughts. What did you say?"
"Let me guess Harvey?"
"What n- no" she tries to lie but he doesn't buy it.
"Yeah of course" he laughs sarcastically "You know what Donna let me know when you're ready to talk to me again without thinking about your great Harvey Specter" he says angrily and gets up picking up the sheets.
"John please wait" but he ignores her
"where you're going?"
"guest room"
"Goddamn it!" she curses "I'm such an idiot!"
Next day
"wait, wait, wait" Mike almost shouts "Did you just say you both told each other that you still love each other?"
"yes Mike, that's what I said, why don't you go and shout it from the roof top?" Harvey asks sarcastically
"Oh trust me, I'd love to" but his friend glares madly at him and he stops "sorry… What will you do now?"
"Nothing. She's with him and I'm not gonna interfere in their relationship. She said she's happy"
"Not as happy as she'd be with you"
"I had my chance and let her go"
"You both gave up too fast"
"It's kind of you to say that but we both know it was on me. I didn't put her first, I screwed up" he says sadly
"You could make it right"
Harvey shakes his head "I'm not gonna do anything to make her feel bad anymore. She knows how I feel and she said she won't break up with him and as long as she's happy, I am happy."
At the same time Rachel tells Donna about what happened
"whoa I- uhm I don't know what to say"
"Please say nothing. It was a mistake. I should've never told him"
"why not? He also told you"
"He's not in a relationship. I don't want him to get his hopes up."
"why not? You still love each other"
"because we had our chance and it didn't work out"
"Maybe because you were so used to be just friends that you kinda thought you won't break up anyway and you didn't take enough care of each other."
"I should've known better. I pushed him too much and I knew what happens when someone pushes him. I should've known that he'll give up everything form me in a heartbeat."
"Donna, you wanted him to show you that he loves you. That's nothing to blame yourself for"
"I knew he loved me and I pushed him anyway. No wonder he ran away and wanted to work more to not come home"
"I'm pretty sure that wasn't his reason"
"It felt like that" she takes a deep breath "However, I'm with John now and I'm not gonna hurt him. It's not fair"
"No Donna, you know I love you but what's not fair is to lie to him and to stay with him even though you love someone else. You won't be able to lie to him a whole life"
"I'm not lying, I really like him"
"but you love Harvey and he loves you"
"what if it doesn't work again? We'll just hurt each other"
"You don't have to be with him anymore if you don't want to but I think you should try it. But even if you don't want to be with him, it's not fair to stay with John. Donna if you're really honest to yourself you'll know you won't stay with him forever but the longer you deny that and stay with him the more you'll hurt him"
"It's just- I really waned it to work out with John and we were on the right track" she cries "but then we came back and I met Harvey and all those feelings I thought I let behind me appeared again"
"I know" Rachel pulls her in a hug
On the same evening Donna goes over to John's and breaks up with him. He's hurt but also grateful she told him and didn't keep lying at him, somehow he knew it anyway it won't last. He saw her look when she looks at Harvey and the other way around there's nothing but love between them, he just didn't want to admit it to himself.
"I hope he'll make you happy this time" he says and hugs her.
"I hope you'll find someone who loves you how you deserve it" she tells him "you're a great man John"
"Goodbye Donna"
"Goodbye John"
... … …
Donna took the night for herself to think about everything and it didn't feel right to go straight to Harvey.
'Maybe he just told me he loves me but doesn't want me back?', 'maybe it was just because he wanted to explain while he broke up with her', 'just because you love a person-', god Donna! shut the hell up!" she tells herself 'of course he wants you back, he made it pretty clear, or did he really?'
The whole night she keeps thinking that he wants her or he doesn't want her back. Sometimes she regrets she didn't go straight to him because that way she'd already know. So the next morning she goes straight to him at 6 am. 'He's awake for sure' she thinks.
"Donna?" Harvey says surprised when he opens the door the next morning.
"sorry, did I wake you up?"
"Are you alright? Did something happen?"
"Do you have a minute?"
"For you, always" he replies. He can tell from her expression it's serious. First he wanted to joke but realizes pretty quickly it's not the time.
"You look like you haven't slept the whole night"
"thank you"
"I didn't mean-"
"The other night when you told me that you love me… how did you mean it?"
Harvey looks at her cluelessly
"How do you love me Harvey?"
There is it again. She's standing there in front of him and asking the same question again. He answered it once but didn't show it to her afterwards that he meant it.
"I love you in all the possible ways a person can love another one. I think of you when I go to sleep, I think of you when I wake up, I think of you at any time, Donna. I tried to let go of you for the whole last year but I couldn't. All I managed to do is missing you more and more with every second that passed. Letting you go was the biggest mistake of my life which I'll never forgive myself. I didn't just lose the most important person and the love of my life, I also lost my best friend and the person I trusted most in the world."
She can't avoid tears rolling down her face "I am sorry I didn't proof it to you after I told you that the first time. I guess I assumed you'd know and there was no need to do it anymore. I was wrong and destroyed our relationship…. And the worst thing about it, I hurt you and that's the last thing I wanted to do"
"I am sorry, too. I knew you loved me, I knew it"
"but I didn't show it to you"
"I pushed you too much. I was too jealous. I should've trusted you. I saw so many women come and go in your life and I thought maybe you feel trapped with me"
"I never felt this way" he shoots out
"I know it now" she says and closes their distance, putting a hand on his cheek.
"I know you'd do everything for me. It was that way when we were friends and I should known you do it especially when we were a couple. I know you'd never betray me or put someone else or something else first. I guess I was too afraid to lose you and with my behavior I achieved exactly what I was trying to prevent. WE need to talk more to and to be honest with each other about everything that bothers us. But the most implant thing is I will never doubt you ever again." She tries to kiss him but he pulls away
"what about-"
"It's over. I realized that you are the only one I love and the only one I wanna be with" They look at each other in silence "of course only if you want It, too" Donna says all of a sudden. Harvey didn't answer to any of what she said and she sort of thinks he doesn't want it.
"uhm- of course I want it. There's nothing in the world I want more" he assures her quickly.
"I'm sorry I-" he huffs a laughs "I was just to overwhelmed about what you said"
"I love you" he tells her tenderly and kisses her longingly.
"I love you, too"
Later when they're lying on the bed Donna speaks up
"Did I wake you?"
"No" he says sarcastically "I always get up at 6AM in hopes someone shows up at my door so I can open it in my Pyjama and offer them coffee" he teases and she slaps him slighly on his chest.
"You're an idiot"
"Tell me something new" he says with a huge smile and keeps kissing her.
And from that moment on they keep doing what they've always done: flirting, loving, understanding, trusting and of course teasing each other.
/ / /
Hey there,
That happens when I should be studying for exams but spent my time otherwise.
I hope you liked it and would love to know what you think.
I hope there are not too many mistakes since I wrote it this night and don't have time to read multiple times over it to fix mistakes 'cause I should really start learning hahah.
I tried to fix a few but english is still in need of improvement so I can't avoid any anyway. :).
Have a nice time!