4. Chapter 4: All Things Must Pass
Warning: Lots of bad language, cuz Freddie. Is. Pissed.*
Chapter Four*
All Things Must Pass~* Sam *~As I sat in the passenger seat of Freddie's car, my hands were shaking uncontrollably. I fiddled with them nervously, to make the shaking less apparent. I tried to focus. On the radio, the scenery, on Freddie. Anything but the thought of going back to my house.I felt Freddie's right hand cover my left one, his eyes never leaving the road. He knew how anxious I was, and he also knew that talking wasn't going to help. But his warm hand on top of mine, that helped. His bigger hand clasped around mine, picking it up, lifting it to his mouth, and kissing the palm. Oh, geez. Did he even realize the effect he had on me? Did he not know that everything he was doing was making me fall for him even harder every second?"Your hands are shaking," he murmured, still not letting go of my hand. "Relax. It'll be over soon, and I'll get you out of here, and then we'll go get a smoothie or something."I breathed out slowly through my mouth, sounding something akin to the Big Bad Wolf. "Okay. Relax. Relax." I repeated the words over and over like it was some sort of mantra.We had reached the entrance to my trailer park, and Freddie slowed the car to a stop. "How do you wanna do this? Creep up to the window and sneak in?"I nodded. It was the quickest, easiest, and most painless way. "Park behind those dumpsters."Freddie obeyed and shut the car off, turning to me. "Ready?""No," I responded. "But I gotta do this.""I'm here," he reminded me."I know."God, how could I forget? I never wanted him to be away from me!I sucked in a deep breath. "Okay, let's do this. Wait," I paused. "Give me a second.""What's up?" he asked, watching me open the glove compartment and pull out a screwdriver. "You're not gonna stab anyone with that are you? I did fill out a warranty card for that, they can trace it...""Fredweeb! Shut up!" I waved the screwdriver at him menacingly. "I'm not going to stab anybody with a screwdriver! So amateur!""Then what are you doing?" he responded, getting out of the car and following me to the back of it."Just shut up!" I ordered. "And who fills out a warranty card for a screwdriver? Dork!" I wasn't looking at his face, but I knew he was rolling his eyes at me. We could end up screwing like wild animals, and I'd still give him shit, and he'd still roll his eyes. I didn't want it any other way.I crouched down in front of the license plate and made quick work of unscrewing it from the car, then threw it into the backseat. Freddie looked dubious."Trust me, you'll thank me later," I responded. "Let's go."We crept around to the side of the trailer, my window was still open, luckily. Prying it open always made a lot of noise, something risky, especially now. I turned to Freddie and pressed a finger to my lips. He nodded. I climbed in first, Freddie right behind me. I sighed. My was in the state I left it when I fled, right down to the broken bottles, singed carpet...and my own blood on the walls. I was mortified knowing that Freddie was seeing it, because I knew he'd be asking questions later. I looked at him, reminding him to be quiet, and quickly began gathering clothes and other personal belongings. I was almost done when the bedroom door flung open, revealing my very drunken mother. God, no, not in front of Freddie."So," she slurred. "The little whore's come home." My face burned knowing that my own mother – UNMother – was ripping me apart in front of Freddie, and it was only going to get worse."I'm not a whore," I said quietly."Is this Frankie? The one you're in love with?" My face went pale. Freddie wasn't an idiot, he knew 'Frankie' meant 'Freddie' because my UNMother was a drunk. And she'd just declared I was in love with him. In FRONT of him! I tried to gain control of the situation."His name is Freddie," I said. "And how would you know who I'm in love with? You're always passed out!""I should have had an abortion," my UNMother said. I blinked back tears. I heard Freddie suck in a sharp breath, as if he was trying to keep angry words from spilling out of his mouth."Look, I'm getting my shit and then I'm leaving," I said, carefully backing away, nearly backing right into Freddie."Like hell you are! You think you can hit Bill and get away with it? He's a fucking cop!" she spat. "Billy! The lil whore's here!"Oh no! Not again! He was going to kill me, and then he would hurt Freddie. I had to get out! I had to get Freddie out!"Go, go, go!" I yelled at Freddie. "Out the window, now!" I didn't want Bill to see him, I didn't want them to be able to recognize Freddie. We heard Bill thundering down the hall, a clicking metal sound accompanying it. Like the loading of a gun. My eyes widened, heart pounding, adrenaline shooting through me like some sort of drug, the bad kind, the kind you'd get twenty years for in the pen.Freddie grabbed my bag with one hand and me with the other, and pretty much threw himself out of the window just as Bill burst into the room. Christ, he was like a ninja! He helped me, more like dragged me, to my feet. From ninjas to Olympic track stars, we sprinted at top speed, looking back to see Bill sticking his head out my bedroom window."You're dead you little bitch!" he shouted. I was done for if I didn't get both of our asses to that car!"Get to the car!" I yelled frantically. Freddie grabbed my arm and practically threw me into it through the driver's side, climbing in after me and cranking it up. Tires squealed and rubber burned as we flew out of there like bats out of hell. Made it! Safe! My heart was pounding like hell.Then suddenly, a loud bang, and then a shattering sound. I screamed. The back window was gone, shards of glass flew everywhere.No."Fuck!" Freddie yelled, pressing the gas even harder. "That crazy bastard's shooting at us!""We need to go the opposite way! We need to take a detour!" I yelled, panicking. "He's gonna find us, he's gonna find me, he's gonna..." Oh no. No, Sam, NO! Control yourself! I tried to swallow, but I couldn't. No. My stomach flip flopped, I felt my tongue go stiff, and then...oh no."Sam?"I felt my body lurch forward and I promptly threw up all over the floorboards of Freddie's prized automobile. My face was crimson. I just got Freddie SHOT AT and now I had ralphed in his car! At this point, the prospect for romance with my beloved nerd was bleak. But then Freddie began rubbing my back, trying to comfort me. "You okay?" He didn't even mention the vomit paintjob.I shook my head weakly. "No," I said, my tongue still stiff from puking. "I'm not." I felt like I was gonna be sick again. "Freddie...""As soon as I can stop, we will, okay?" Freddie said. "Just bare with me for a little while. You feel dizzy?""Yes," I said weakly.Freddie nodded. "It's okay. You'll be okay."Freddie was just being nice. Nothing was okay. Especially not between him and I! I knew I had screwed up the only GOOD thing in my life. I blinked back tears. Come on Puckett, you just puked in front of him, DO NOT cry in front of him too!"I'm sorry!" I blurted out. "I'm sorry I got you into this! I'm sorry about everything!"He shook his head, still rubbing my back. "Don't worry about it. Let me worry about you. You don't worry about anything, okay? Just relax for me, Sammy."I nodded, gulping breaths of air. Sammy. Why didn't it bother me when he called me that? Oh yeah, because I'm in love with that beautiful nerd. Please, God. Please let him be in love with me too.He spoke again. "We gotta get off the road, I'm driving without a tag and the back window's been shot out." He pulled into a gas station, backing up towards a wooded area, then got out of the car and walked around to my side, opening the door. "Come on out. Go to the bathroom and clean up, I'll get you some water."I nodded weakly, too distraught to argue, and began walking towards the gas station, legs trembling. I hoped I could make it to the bathroom before I puked again. Or cried. Or both.I stumbled into the bathroom stall, and then, bam. Shut down.Like a computer program, my emotions turned off.~* Freddie *~I made a frantic call to Spencer, and within twenty minutes he was helping me clean out the inside of the car. Carly was inside the gas station with Sam, presumably trying to calm her down. I hoped it was working.Sam had managed to get herself so worked up that she threw up all over the passenger side of my car. I didn't even think about how gross it was, all I was really thinking about was getting the evidence out of the car so she didn't feel worse. I stood up, looking over the top of the car at Spencer."Spray," I said, holding my hand up. A few seconds later Spencer tossed me a can of spray cleaner. I caught it and nearly used the entire bottle."Paper towels."Another solid catch. I finally got the car spic and span, then as an added measure I sprayed the inside of it with the extra bottle of cologne I kept in my glove compartment. I'm sure Sam wouldn't mind, I'd already caught her sniffing me a few times. I shut the passenger door and stood up, resting my forehead against the top of it, trying to put the recent events out of my mind.Spencer was pissed, pacing back and forth by the car. But he wasn't half as pissed at I was. I wanted to kill the guy. I was willing to cross every moral boundary I had, and either pay someone to do it, or do it myself. Pity he was a cop. I've seen enough crime thrillers to know that cop killers never succeeded. Unless it was other cops. But I was too young to join the Police Academy, so THAT was out of the question. Focus, Benson. Back to helping Sam."He shot at us. He had every intention of killing her." I said in a low tone that was barely above a growl.Spencer responded to my statement by audibly growling and punching the brick wall of the gas station angrily. "Fuck!" he shouted in pain, grimacing, as his other hand wrapped around his fist in pain. "I'm gonna kill that guy!"I wanted to do the same. But that obviously wasn't going to happen, and revenge wasn't going to help Sam."I'm gonna go check on her. Watch the car. Block the plates," I grunted, sounding oddly like Sam. Guess the girl was rubbing off on me, roughing up my edges a bit. I walked inside the gas station. It was one of those super size gas stations with booths and made to order pretzels and sandwiches. Sam's favorite. She had once said that any place with over 50 hot dog toppings earned a permanent place in her heart. I had made a mental note to keep my fridge better stocked after that. I spotted Sam and Carly in the very last booth. Sam had her head laid down on the table, facing away from me, and Carly was sitting next to her, trying in vain to soothe her best friend. I walked over to them, and Carly looked up at me."Hey," she said softly."Hey," I responded. "Trade with me?""Sure." she promptly got up and I slid into the booth next to Sam, my arm going around her protectively. "Still feeling sick?" I asked her in a low voice. Sam didn't respond. "Sam?""She's been like this since I got here. I think she's like...catatonic." Carly said, biting her fingernails the way she always did when she was really bothered about something."Sam," I whispered. "Sam." She raised her head slowly to look at me, eyes dazed and glossy. Like she was in some far-off universe deep within her mind. She didn't speak, just laid her head on my shoulder. Shit. What if she was in shock? Was she going to have a mental breakdown?Fuck that guy! I want to kill him!"We need to get her back to Bushwell," Carly said, jerking me out of my revenge fantasies. Sick ones. Quentin Tarantino himself would wash my brain out with soap if he knew what I was thinking right now!"I know," I replied. My hand went to Sam's face, stroking her cheek softly, trying to break the hypnotized state she seemed to be in. "Sam, it's time to go, come on." She didn't move. I grabbed her by her forearms and slid her out of the booth. "Come on." I pulled her up into a standing position and watched in horror as her knees buckled. "Sam!" I caught her in my arms. Carly looked at me with a pained expression and I knew we were both feeling the same emotion: helplessness."You gotta walk, Sammy," I said in her ear, desperately. Sam, please snap out of it! "Come on, I'll help you." I ended up half carrying the tiny blonde out of the gas station, Spencer still poised in front of the car. Carly looked down at his bloody hand and up at him quizzically."What happened to your hand?" she asked, horrified. "You punched a hobo, didn't you?""Picked a fight with a wall," Spencer responded gruffly. "Fred, we'll see you at the apartment. Get her back safe."I nodded, helping Sam into the car. I leaned the seat back for her so she could recline, shutting the door. I walked to the other side, hopped in, and started the engine.As soon as I got Sam into my apartment, she walked to the sofa, face frozen in a blank, emotionless stare, hugged her knees tight to her chest, and then without warning broke down, sobbing uncontrollably. I was absolutely aghast...and terrified. This was worse than when I found her out in the hall! This was worse than anything I had ever seen! I couldn't get her to stop crying. I couldn't get her to speak. I couldn't get her to do anything. She just sat there, her arms wrapped around her knees, rocking back and forth. She wouldn't meet my eyes when my face was inches from hers. She wouldn't respond to my touch. I was beside myself with the emotions that were overtaking me.I watched her breaking down for close to twenty minutes, and finally, desperately, yelled out, "Sam, just tell me what to do!"More sobs."Sam, please!" I sat down next to her, grabbing her hands and shaking them. "Sam, come back to me!""He tried to rape me!" she blurted out. That was the first words she'd spoken in over an hour. "He tried to rape me! He burned me! He hit me! He kicked me! He beat me with that gun! He broke me, Freddie! He fucking broke me!" she gasped for air between her sobs. I grabbed her face and turned it towards mine."And I am here to put you back together," I said firmly. "I'm not leaving you. Not now, not ever."I didn't want to think about what she meant when he said "tried to rape me". I didn't want to think about how far he'd got. I didn't want to think about whether others had tried.But it was the only thing I could think about.The brick wall that was Samantha Puckett had just crumbled, like the ancient walls of Rome themselves. I didn't know if I could ever build it back up. I didn't know if it was possible, and I didn't know if she would let me try."God, Freddie..." she gasped. "Freddie...""Shhh." I held her in my arms tight. "It's alright. I've got you now." And I won't let you go, I added silently.She grew silent. Finally I picked her up and carried her into my bedroom, laying her down on the bed. "You need to rest.""Don't leave me," she whispered. "Please."I laid down next to her, my arms wrapped around her tightly. "Never.""Just hold me for a little while." My Sam was exhausted."As long as you want." I kissed her cheek softly. "Relax. Go to sleep. I'm here.""I know." she said softly, closing her eyes.Finally, she was asleep. But I kept my promise. I didn't leave. I didn't let go. I never would.