Pokémon Mystery Dungeon: (Another) First Kiss

by Tanuki1029

Everyone wants a second chance, Max more than most. She thinks it's finally here, until it all goes so terribly wrong. All she can do is watch as a fresh start becomes an ancient catastrophe; a taste, so sweet, turns to ash in the mouth, as the hero who defeated Dark Matter finds out what happened when she didn't. (A Pokémon Super Mystery Dungeon Adaptation)

24. Chapter 24: Erase

"You and I will be together
When we shed our memory
I won't wear an orange sweater
When I get it off of me"

"Erase" from Glean by They Might Be Giants

Three. It was three. Not one. Not two. But three.

Max had already known the next time she saw Grovyle, it would be time. She didn't expect it to be the very next day. She certainly didn't expect him to not know what was going on. Above all, she never remotely anticipated to have three fucking eggs to get out of her. She was a pikachu. There wasn't even room for that many inside of her. It was a blatant impossibility.

Yet, she was holding one in her arms. "Hi," Max cooed, rocking the egg in her arms. An orange one. The most ridiculous (and fucking largest) one had been the first to come out. It was cosmically perfect, though, considering the very harsh glare the doctor gave her when Ithos claimed he was the father. She couldn't blame him. She couldn't believe it herself.

Then, she popped out an orange egg with a little spot of cream at the bottom. A charmander egg. She didn't know that they differed in appearance, but she was glad they did.

That asshole of a gabite was staring at the egg with just as much disbelief as he'd had the moment it had first started crowning. It vindicated Max in two ways. The first and less important was that she was right to assume this was impossible if even a medical professional did. The second, more petty reason was to have him shove that judgmental sneer up the ass of his own medical doctorate.

"Hi," Max cooed. She had a wide, spaced out grin staring down at her egg. When she'd thought it was just the one, she tried to endure it without any sort of pain medicine. It was over before she knew it.

When it turned out that it wasn't over, she asked for their entire stock. Considering she could barely feel her own hindpaws, she was convinced she'd gotten it.

Max held the egg against her cheek again, steadily and sweetly rocking it back and forth. Her cheeks sparked a bit. She was far too dazed not to let her body show affection like it was designed to on an instinctual level. Luckily, pokémon eggs were remarkably durable, well. Remarkable to Max. "Hi," she cooed.

Ithos chuckled from her left. He'd heard her say hi to that egg probably hundreds of times by that point. She had an excuse (obscene amounts of painkiller) for her absurd ecstasy, though. His dumb smile had no explanation other than the yellow and black egg in his paws.

They'd snuggled up together on the bed at some point. He'd sat on the side of it at first, but that didn't last. Once they made sure she was stable, he'd wriggled up to her side.

As Max stared at the orange egg for the forty-ninth consecutive minute and counting, she started to get a tickling of a memory. Her usual trepidation of as much couldn't come with all the drugs in her system. Luckily, she had enough painkiller to prevent the worst consequences of fishing through her memory. Thanks to the reminder, it was relatively easy to fish out.

"Mmmmom," Max slurred. Ithos chuckled. Max twisted her face in focus for a moment. This would take some doing. "My. Mom." There. That made more sense. Ithos snuggled up to her and listened.

Actually, wait. If she told this story, she couldn't steal the joke for herself. With a nod, she changed course.

She always was a joke thief.

"So," Max said. With a smile wider than her lips, she turned to glare intently at Ithos. It wasn't convincing, but it got across the expression she was imitating. After laughing at her desperate attempt to look mad at him, Ithos put on his own attempt at surprise. Max lost her composure and laughed.

Focus. She needed to focus. She needed. She was thirsty, wasn't she. She turned to her right to look at Grovyle, dressed and ready for the wedding he thought he'd come to attend, nervously holding the third egg. "Can I have a coffee?" she asked.

Grovyle raised a brow, then shrugged. He turned to the doctor and jerked his head towards her. "You heard the lady," he said. Too baffled to argue, Gabite simply nodded and headed out. His job was mostly done, anyway. He'd not really needed to stand there, but he probably couldn't take himself away from the spot in shock.

Perfect. Now that she had coffee (on the way, but she forgot that asking for it didn't mean that she'd already drunk it), she turned to Ithos again. "So," she said, returning to her awful approximation of a glare. She held their orange egg up and raised her brow. "Is THIS how I find out?"

"Find out?" Ithos asked. He chuckled away the bit of genuine worry in his eyes. "Find what out?"

Max kept glaring at him, but she couldn't manage to keep herself from laughing. "That YOU cheated on me!" she said. She held the egg up at him again with a laugh. It was hardly comprehensible, but she got the joke out.

Ithos and Max laughed together. From the memory she'd shared, she felt a glowing warmth in her chest. Mom. Just the word made her feel the warmth of love with the slightest cut of loss. That wasn't ever just a word to her. It was a name. A name that she missed. She still missed Mom. Hearing that Codi had lost hers tore Max to pieces. Even as she laughed, a few tears trickled from her eyes.

"Mom used to tell that joke," Max said. Seeing she'd begun to cry, Ithos shifted the egg to his left arm to wrap his right arm around her. "My sister was a red-head, but Mom wasn't." She chuckled as the memory brought her more tears. "She'd always say that meant my dad had cheated on her."

Max stared down at her own red-headed anomaly. Even with tears entirely obscuring her vision, she could see the egg as clear as day. Hers. Her kid.

Max laughed and shook her head. "I don't think she expected to see her son do the same thing," she said.

"Hey, you're not a son," Ithos said. He gave a gentle correction, but he meant it sincerely. He gave her a worried smile and pulled her tighter. "Just because, well, y'know. They just didn't know you were their daughter yet."

Max chuckled and nuzzled her cheek into his. Ithos was so unbelievably sweet, so careful. She wasn't sure if he'd ever thought twice about her being trans. It probably helped him that she had an ostensibly cisgender body, but he'd also always go the extra mile to try to affirm her. He knew it meant a lot to her, so he didn't sweat the details. Sometimes, though, the details were unavoidable.

"I don't know," Max said. Her glazed eyes had regained some clarity now that she had to actually try focusing on conversation. "I don't know if I was a daughter yet. I think I was still a son."

"What?" Gabite asked. He stood in the doorway with a fresh cup of coffee and a baffled stare.

"Give me that," Grovyle hissed. He yanked the coffee off of Gabite's fin with a glare. "Don't you have other patients to harass." Max chuckled at the confusion, but she appreciated Grovyle standing up for her. In Gabite's defense, he'd probably not expected the girl he'd just helped deliver a highly improbable number of eggs to also be trans.

"All right," Gabite said with a shrug. He was happy to head out, probably needing a few minutes to rethink most of the things he'd ever known. He pointed to the rope on the right side of Max's bed. "Just tug that if you need anything." Despite his confusion, he smiled at Max and Ithos. "Congratulations."

"You, too," Max mumbled. Her eyes were stuck to the orange egg in her paws. Her egg. She had an egg. She had eggs.

"Here, Max," Ithos gently asked with an even gentler nudge to her shoulder. He held the pichu egg a bit closer to her, nodding to the charmander egg in her paws. "Can we switch?" He gave the suggestion so carefully, as if worried she'd tell him no.

Max smiled at the proposition and nuzzled against his cheek. What was it Eleos would always say to her? "As you wish, Buttercup," she said. Maybe it was odd to reference an ex, but Ithos didn't know it was a reference.

"Oh, you've read that?" Ithos asked. He perked up in the bed next to her, eyes wide and excited as he facilitated the switch. He placed the pichu egg in the blanket between her legs and gently coaxed the charmander egg out of her paws. The whole time, he bounced with excitement as he explained. "I really love that book! It's a lot of fun."

It took Max a few moments to register what he'd said. After all, she had a whole new egg to cradle in her arms with a far off stare. "Hi," she cooed, rocking it back and forth. Ithos' expectant watch shrank down as she did, probably assuming she was too enamored with the egg to remember what he said.

"Book?" Max asked. She looked at Ithos just long enough to raise a brow before her eyes returned to the egg in her paws. It was the last, and the smallest of the three (but not by much).

"Yeah, The Princess Bride!" Ithos said. He looked ready to jump that she'd put all that brainpower into getting herself back to his excitement. "I think I've read it… I don't know, a lot." His cheeks reddened a bit as he buried his gaze into the charmander egg in his paws. "It was always really funny." He looked up at her nervously. "Have you read it?" His cheeks burned brighter.

"It… sounds familiar?" Max mumbled. The name rang a bell, but not as a book—movie. Her ears perked up a bit, and Ithos looked ready to jump. "Oh, you mean movie!" She chuckled. How ridiculous that he'd confuse a movie for a book.

"Movie?" Ithos asked. "What's that?"

"Oh, just some nonsense from her human life, I'm sure," Grovyle said.

He glared at her less than covertly, but Max was too busy saying, "Hi," to her egg again. Whatever those boys were talking about, she had much more important matters to attend to. "Hi." She nuzzled her cheek against it.

"Good girl," Grovyle said. "Well, congratulations, you two." He very carefully set the egg in a warming basket next to the bedside, then ruffled Max's head fur with the freed paw. He looked down at himself to see if his tux was any amount of unkempt from the whole ordeal. "I imagine you two have this under control. I'll see you soon." He had a smirk on for that one.

"Oh yeah, thank you!" Max squeaked. She looked up with a wide smile at him. "You did great!"

Grovyle's knowing smirk cracked slightly. "Did I?" he asked, glancing at Ithos for backup. Unfortunately, Ithos was staring at him in complete bafflement.

"Were you… going to another wedding, then?" Ithos asked. Grovyle stopped in place to very carefully watch Ithos tilt his head as he eyed the tux up and down. "Did you wash that since yesterday?"

"Of course," Grovyle said. He kept an entirely casual face while frequently glancing at Max.

"Ithos, he hasn't been to our wedding yet," Max chuckled, shaking her head. She stared with half-open eyes at their egg as she cradled it back and forth. "He's a time traveler. His future's our past, so he doesn't even know about our arrangement yet." With her head swaying, she looked up at Grovyle with a barely present gaze. While he glared at her, she winked before looking down to coo, "Hi," at her egg again.

"Make sure she has some of this, then," Grovyle said with a chuckle, setting the coffee down next to her. "Maybe with some extra sugar, too." He knelt to ruffle Max's head fur with a smile, and Max giggled at the touch. "Good girl."

"Chaaa," Max squeaked in joy. She leaned into his touch with a dumb smile on her face. She might've played up her wooziness to trick her husband (husband, husband, she had a husband!), but it was far from a complete deception. When the tousling stopped, she had a genuine whine of disappointment.

"Well, I'll be seeing you two, then," Grovyle said. A bit of uncertainty came with the words this time, though. As he turned to leave, his eyes honed in on Max's left wrist. He considered her bracelet for a moment before shrugging with a smirk. "Oh, what's the harm?" He caught Ithos squinting at him and quickly said, "Nothing. Just a lot like one I've had." He waved a paw and headed out.

Grovyle stopped at the door, his eyes staying on Max. Max looked up and caught the sorrow in his eyes. Even through the medication, she could tell what that gaze meant. "Goodbye?" she whimpered.

"Afraid so," Grovyle said. Before she could object, he smiled, said, "Goodbye," and left. She'd never see him again.

"What was that about?" Ithos asked. "He's gonna have to come back after they hatch."

"Right," Max said. She stared down at their eggs with a pained mix of excitement and sorrow. "At least, well." She took in a deep breath, clutching the egg closer to her. She was terrified, but she couldn't act like it wouldn't happen anymore. She knew from the beginning this was temporary. "How long do you think I have left?"

"You," Ithos mumbled. He shrank away a bit, no doubt dreading the inevitable a bit himself. "I guess that's up to, uh, well, whoever. Brought you here, right?" He was suddenly just as unwilling as Max to take his eyes off the egg in his paws.

Max felt a stab of his guilt in her chest. She couldn't remember a reason that was unusual.

After a moment's thought, he came back with a sad smile. "I think, well," he glanced around at their brand new family with pained, teary eyes. "Th-there's no reason you should have to leave them behind."

"Ithos?" Max asked. She turned to look at him struggling to hold back sobs. A cut of her own guilt lashed at her heart. Of course he'd hate to see her go. "I'm sorry." She felt her own tears welling up, then leaned into him further. She'd already had to leave everything behind too many times. "I hope I never have to leave."

Ithos winced further at that, pulling a harsh sob out of his throat. His entire body quaked with his sobs. Again and again, he opened his mouth to speak, but only whimpers and weeping came out. What she'd said only seemed to make it worse, the stab of his guilt cutting her deeper. "You don't," he finally said. It broke Max's heart. He whispered it as if she wasn't there, and he was telling himself.

"You deserve to stay."

"Think of this as solving problems
That should never have occurred
Please don't call it strangulation,
That is such an ugly word"

Revelation Mountain felt like a completely different Dungeon this time around. Without the memories of despair gnawing at her subconscious, Max had much more of a chance to look at the place. It was beautiful. The whole place oozed life in every corner. They'd taken a break in the edge of a clearing to eat and give Max's leg some time to rest.

Even after that procedure, it just never healed right. She'd had a fold-able crutch made so she could carry it when she didn't need it but have it ready when it got too painful. Usually, switching to all fours was enough, but they'd taken this entire Dungeon with just the two of them.

Max finished her own apple first and started digging through her bag for a bundle of string. After a second, she remembered where it was and stuck her paw into the hidden compartment in the back.

She always kept bracelets there, and she always kept this one with her. "They're getting a lot better," Max cooed. Since this one, their weaves had gotten a lot tighter, arrows of teal and blue aiming one direction mostly without interruption. Fewer patches of string bunched up too much, and patches of black from when Athena got too excited and scorched the string had become specks. "It's so funny that they take after me the most."

"C'mon, Max," Ithos chuckled in their kid's defense. "Athena's young. I'm sure they'll get a handle on their fire soon."

Max narrowed her eyes at him, but let it go. There was still a lot he didn't quite get. "Maybe, yeah," she said with a shrug. She loved looking at this silly little bracelet and every one that Athena had made her since. "Still, Max and Circ have their electricity pretty down." She would've liked to say that they were very good for their age, but she had no idea. She didn't have a childhood to compare.

"What about you?" she asked. Tucking the bracelet back into her bag, she looked expectantly up at Ithos. "Did you take a while to get used to fire when you were a kid?"

"Oh, uh, well," Ithos mumbled. He turned away to scratch at the back of his head with a nervous frown. He looked down at his paw and stared at it for a while. Some thought consumed him for long enough that he started a little when he got himself out of it. He shook his head. "I don't really remember."

"Now you know how it feels," Max said. She offered a good natured chuckle, but she kept a careful eye on him. He'd been out of it all day. "What's wrong, babe? You've had something on your mind."

"It's nothing," Ithos said. When he glanced at her, though, he clearly wasn't committed to the lie. For an instant, he looked close to tears before he pulled himself mostly out of it. He started to say something before shaking his head. "Here, can we talk about this later?"

"How later?" Max asked. She took her bag off and wrapped herself around him, sitting on his leg. "Ithos, come on. You've been holding onto this for long enough."

"Soon, all right?" Ithos said. He had to force a bit of frustration into his voice to stop it from cracking. "It's." He looked away, but it wasn't enough to escape Max's gaze, and it was wholly insufficient to escape her embrace. She pulled herself closer to look up at the conflict in his expression. "It's just. I have something." He shook his head and looked pleadingly down. "Once we get to the top, all right?"

"All right, sure," Max said. She gave him a smile and pulled herself into him to hug, nuzzling her cheek against his shoulder. Ithos turned a bit to place his lips against hers, and Max eagerly kissed him back. A bit of the weight had left his expression, but some darkness still hung over him. "I love you."

That made Ithos wince, even as he smiled at it. "I love you, too," he said. He squirmed out of her embrace for a moment, but was very careful to make sure her right leg didn't get twisted.

Max started to say, "Hey, it's-" when it throbbed at her first attempt putting weight on it, "kaaachu pika kachu." Ithos snatched her up and quickly helped her sit back safely. She grumbled at it, but didn't object when he started tugging her crutch out of her bag. "Maybe I should start taking it easy at the gym like the doctor said."

"You think so?" Ithos asked. He gave her a slightly frustrated glare, then chuckled. He set the crutch down next to her as a very polite and firm statement that she was going to use it, now. She wanted to break it over her good leg. He went around to her other side and pulled her into a side hug. "I love you."

"Pi ka chu, pi," Max said as she nuzzled into his chest. She had a good handle on her instincts anymore, but sometimes, it just felt right. Maybe it was just how much she'd messed up her brain back then.

As much as she would've loved to stay there for all eternity, she did still need to worry about her instincts. She wasn't sure if this was the twelfth floor or the thirteenth, but either way, she probably couldn't stay too long. More and more, Dungeons had lost their Lotus, reverting more to the kind that she'd been used to before she got there. This one never had one, as far as they knew.

"C'mon, let's get going," Max said. She started pulling herself up, and Ithos was already helping her. Since she was always so eager to do things herself (when she really shouldn't), he was always so ready to help. "Thanks," she grumbled. The grumble worsened when he put the crutch under her left arm.

"You're welcome," Ithos said with a smirk. He knew very well how much this frustrated her, so he leaned down to plant a kiss on her forehead. Before she could reach for it, he pulled her bag onto her (even though she could've done it herself).

"What was the mission, again?" Max asked. She'd probably asked so many times already, but he never seemed to mind her asking again.

"Just something at the peak," Ithos said.

Max raised her brow. He wasn't usually so vague. She let it go, though, and nodded. "How far away is that?" she asked. She tried to hide her self-conscious glance to her crutch. Whether she liked it or not, it definitely worsened her stamina when her leg got like this.

"This is the last floor," Ithos said. Luckily for her, he didn't see her self-conscious glance. He was too busy staring off at the ground. When she reached to take his paw, it was shaking.

He was dreading this. Whatever was at the peak, he really didn't want to do it.

"We've got this," Max said. She squeezed his paw tighter and smiled up at him. He gave a nervous glance down at her that only seemed to worsen his terror. "Ithos?"

Ithos started walking, gently tugging her forward. Max stumbled a bit to catch up, but she got into the rhythm quick enough. She looked worried up at him, but he kept his eyes firmly forward. She could tell that he wouldn't answer, no matter what she said, so she looked forward with him.

Their clearing came to an end fairly quickly. The path out looked distant and out of focus until they were right next to it. Like other Dungeons without a Lotus, this one had no narrow corridors. Just winding, impossible paths. Since they were so deep inside of it, they could just barely see the Dungeon shifting around at the far distance of their vision.

With a bit of worry, Max realized she could already feel further than she could see. Her awareness was getting to her already, and the constant worry about Ithos was exacerbating things. She shook her head, trying to ground herself with Ithos' paw.

Before she could reign in her awareness, she felt the path's end. With it, she could sense the Dungeon's last shimmer. The exit. She let out a breath of relief.

"The end's up ahead," she said, then stiffened. This was sneaking up on her a lot faster than usual.

"Got it," Ithos said with a nod. He didn't so much as glance at her for the slip, his eyes still staring far off ahead of them. She could feel his paw shaking in hers more and more with every step. With every step, she could feel more of the chill of his fear.

Max grit her teeth and let it go. He said he'd talk at the peak, and she'd make him. They had three kids. He really still thought he needed to hide his problems from her?

Of course, she couldn't judge him too hard for that. Max had tried plenty to hold the whole world on her shoulders, and she'd crumpled under the weight every time (not to mention that she'd still only use her crutch when her friends forced her to).

Maybe that's why it bothered her so much to see the same in Ithos' eyes. She'd gone through it so many times, and to imagine him putting himself through it broke her heart. She just hoped he'd let her help.

When they made it to the shimmer, Ithos paused. He looked up at it for a minute before closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. His head hung down as he let out the deep sigh before finally turning to Max with a fragile smile. "Are you ready?" he asked.

"Are you?" Max asked. She ran her paw along his arm while giving him a prolonged, worried stare. "Ithos, I'm here for you, okay?"

Ithos tried to smile, but it just cracked further under the weight of her words. Before it could collapse completely, he went through the threshold. Max followed right behind. The exit bent and swelled around her as the far off distance started to stabilize until, finally, she made it back to solid ground. She glanced around and felt another twinge of terror.

"The-the spring," Max squeaked. This was where it happened the first time. She looked at Ithos sitting next to the water. All his attempts at bravado shattered, now. He looked barely able to hold up his own weight.

Max grit her teeth and forced herself to let the terror go. They were safe. She had nothing to worry about. Ithos needed her right now. The more time she spent there, the more she'd realize that she wasn't in any danger. Fara was gone. No one was there to petrify her. She forced herself to hobble over to him.

"Ithos," Max whispered. She placed a paw on his right shoulder. He didn't respond to her touch, his tears dripping into the water below. She held onto him for support as she sat down next to him. She didn't prod him. She just sat there and waited until he was ready.

"I failed," Ithos said. Max squeezed his arm. He hardened his expression. "Fara's plan didn't work, but look at what she's done." He shook his head as his voice lost its strength. He grit his teeth to fight against the tears, but it was far too late to stop their flow. "I… I don't know what went wrong, but it did. This isn't right. This, I." He crumpled into his own paws, holding his head as he started to sob.

Max pulled him into her embrace further. This was it, then, the weight he'd been holding all this time. "Ithos, no," Max said. "What makes it your fault?" She tried to excavate his eyes to look into hers, but he had them deep in his paws. "You're just a char-"

"Because it was all my plan!" Ithos barked. He jerked himself up with enough force to send Max tumbling to the side. She stumbled a few crawling steps away. "It was me! It—I."

He turned and saw Max staring up in abject confusion. He'd held all this weight for so long, he couldn't see how absurd the standard he was holding himself to was. It had been too much already, and now, he was taking complete responsibility for a world he had no control over. He was just one person in it. Yet, in his eyes, it seemed he couldn't see himself like that anymore.

"I'm sorry," Ithos said. He started to glow. His tears flooded his eyes as the glow grew brighter.

"I-Ithos?" Max asked. It looked like evolution, but it wasn't. Something was happening to him. "Ithos, wait!" She threw herself up and tried to run over, but her leg gave out from under her and she barely stopped her face from slamming into the grass. She looked up to see the light had consumed him.

Then, it broke. The light around him shattered, and he was gone. Mew stood in his place.

"M-Mew?" Max asked. Mew just floated there, staring down at her. "Y-you." Her heart skipped a beat. All that time ago, long, long after she'd come here, she'd talked to Goon. He'd told her his final moments with Ithos. Her heart sank as it all clicked together before she grit her teeth. She pushed herself up. She wouldn't let this happen, bad leg or not.

"Give me back my husband, you bitch!" Max screamed as she threw herself at the cat. She ripped a charge from the sky, and lightning came down to hit them both. Mew might be a legendary, but she didn't care. She had a husband to save.

She reeled back to slam her fist into his face to find it burning hot. Mew's entire body was hot. In an instant, every bit of him seemed to catch fire, even catching the air around him as a whirlwind of flames engulfed both of them and sent Max flying. Overheat—that asshole was even using Ithos' moves!

Max landed in a bubble before she could hit the grass. She threw herself at Mew again, but she couldn't get the bubble to stretch more than an inch. She screamed she didn't even know what at Mew.

"MAX!" Mew screamed at her—his voice, he was using Ithos' voice! He stared at her in shock. "Max, it's-"

"Don't you DARE use his voice, you insufferable, pink sack of shit!" Max barked at him. "I swear-"

"Max, list-"

"-to Christ All Fucking-"

"-en—Max, please wou-"

"Mighty, you better have a fucking army behind you b-"

"-ld you just-"

"-ecause if you think I'll let you take the-"

"Max, MAX!"

"-father of my FUCKING CHILDREN from me, your internal organs-"

"Please, just list-" Mew cut himself off, suddenly a bit surprised.

"are gonna be put on fucking display for all of eternity as a permanent reminder to anyone just exactly what happens to ANYONE who fucks with my family! I'll plug your fucking life force into the Tree of Fucking LIFE and make you live for every single eternity that will ever fucking exist while I kill you again and again in every single fucking painful way I can imagine until you don't remember anything about life, anything about death, and you're NOTHING BUT A SACK OF FLESH THAT EXISTS ONLY TO HURT! GIVE ME MY HUSBAND BACK!"

Max gasped in breath inside her bubble, forcing herself to stand up and use the pain to fuel her fury. She could see spots in her vision thanks to not breathing enough to scream. Also because she stood up too fast. Also her leg hurt. She glared every ounce of hatred she'd ever felt right into Mew's familiar, deep blue, gorgeous eyes that she loved.

Mew stared back with an entirely blank expression and a gaping mouth. He tried to talk a few times in a familiar way. Everything about him was familiar. Even floating, his mannerisms were identical to Ithos.

"Max," Mew said, voice identical to Ithos'. He was quiet and careful without changing his tone to demean her. Just like Ithos always did to help her through instincts. "It's me." He put a paw to his chest. Instead of curling up into him, Mew had his tail straight out behind him. Just like a charmander would. He started to lose confidence in himself and stared down at his paw. Just like Ithos stared at his paw.

"Y-you can't," Mew whimpered. Max heard her heart shatter. "B-because I'm not." He clenched his paw and shook his head. "I was never really-"

"I-Ithos?" Max asked. Mew perked up with eager trepidation tempered with prepared disappointment.

Just like Ithos.

"ITHOS!" Max screamed in her bubble. She threw herself forward to try and go hold him in her arms. Her face slammed into the bubble, but that didn't matter since jumping on her leg immediately made her collapse in pain. She clutched it, wincing too hard to open her eyes, but still stammered out every apology she could think of at once.

Another flash of light beamed through her eyelids. A scaled paw came to pull her into his arms. She instantly let go of her leg and threw herself around Ithos. Tears streamed from her eyes, and she felt his falling down her back.

"I-I'm so sorry," Max whimpered. She held him tighter as they both sobbed. "I thought I'd lost you."

"I thought so, too," Ithos said. The words made it through just in time for another sob to rip through him head to toe. He held her tighter for a moment before he pulled his paw up to stare at.

Max yanked herself back and smacked his paw down, hissing, "Stop that!" She shook her head and went back to hugging him. He had to shake the smack off a bit before he could put his paw back. Every time she felt it start to lose its grip, she'd squeeze him tighter. "I don't care if you're Mew, charmander whatever." She pulled back to stare directly in his eyes. "I love you."

Ithos still couldn't meet her gaze. He shook his head as he tried to find the words. "B-but your type," Ithos whimpered. Max stared at him, trying to untangle whatever he was telling her. "Y-you said Mew wasn't-"

Max smacked a paw over her mouth and muffled, "Oh my God, I'm so sorry!" She stared down in horror. That stupid exchange she'd never thought twice about. Sparks bounced down her cheeks while she shrank into herself in humiliation. "I didn't—I'm so sorry!" She couldn't find a single word that was right.

"It's okay," Ithos mumbled, staring at the ground around them. Max gave some pained mix of a glare and a pout for that answer. He almost managed to chuckle when he glanced up to see it. "Well, I forgive you."

It didn't feel like enough, but it was all she had. Max pulled him into a hug to hide her face behind him. She might not've known at the time, but it was the worst possible thing she could've said. She completely misunderstood why he was even asking that, but that didn't change that she couldn't think of something worse to say if she tried.

Just like when Ithos told her she'd never be a girl.

Max almost wanted to laugh at the awful, awful parallel, but Ithos was holding his paw up to stare at again. "Ithos, I love you!' Max barked, shaking him out of whatever hell he was thinking.

"I know—I KNOW!" Ithos stammered. He grabbed a hold of her to stop her shaking him with the very beginnings of a chuckle on his lips. "It's not about that." As he stared down between them, that chuckle evaporated. "It's just." He shook his head and turned to stare at the pond. "I don't know."

Max rubbed his shoulder, patiently waiting while he tried to find the words. His paw came for the other, and she squeezed it as they entangled.

"It doesn't make any sense," Ithos grumbled. He collapsed into her hold, shaking his head, and she pulled him into a firm, loving hug. "It's obviously what I am, but it just doesn't feel right." He struggled to get the words out and lost confidence in them as he said them. "It's fake, right? It's not real. It shouldn't feel real, but it does."

"What feels fake?" Max asked.

"This!" Ithos said, throwing his paws down to gesture to himself. "It was all just a lie. It was just a disguise so I could pretend to be a hero. Nobody would care about a legendary saving the world, so I pretended I wasn't."

Max tried to hold him tighter. He stiffened as he shook his head, not pushing her away, but not accepting the embrace either. "You're still you," Max said.

"I don't know who I am," Ithos whimpered. He couldn't bring himself to put his arms around her, tears streaming down his face enough to leave a trail down Max's back. He looked at his own paws behind her back, but she didn't move to stop him. "It's not real. It's not who I am, but. I just." He lost what he was about to say to sobs. "Why do I have to be this?"

"Ithos, you don't," Max said, squeezing him tighter. Her heart throbbed with guilt. If only she could go back and stop herself. "If Mew feels like the real you, then be you."

"Feels like?" Ithos hissed. "That's the whole point!" Max winced at him yelling directly in her ear, and he quieted himself down. "Feel like mew? I am. I can't change that. It's just who I am, but it." Max tilted her head in thought. She knew this line of thought. "All this, it's just a lie." He shook his head, digging his claws into his paws. He sucked in a ragged breath and pulled away.

"Sorry," Ithos said. He turned to look at the pond. "I can't make sense of this. Why would you be able to?"

"Ithos," Max said. He'd known her for how long? Maybe he just didn't see what this was like at all. He was still figuring it out, but it was ridiculous to her. She'd made the connection, and she couldn't see how he didn't. "I know what you're feeling."

"No you don't," Ithos grumbled. He pulled himself out of her embrace to sit curled in on himself. "I shouldn't think I'm a charmander. I'm Mew."

"Ithos," Max said. Mentally, she had to prepare herself to get this out. Hopefully giving birth to three kids could keep her confident enough in her identity to say the worst thing about herself she ever had to prove a point. "Would you ever let me say that, 'I shouldn't think I'm a girl. I'm a guy.'?"

"What—no! Max," Ithos sputtered. He immediately gave up on his self isolation to yank her into a cradling embrace. "Don't say that! It doesn't." Max could hear the gears turning in his head as the synapses started to connect to each other. "J-just because you used to be a." Max wanted to give him a knowing smirk like he always gave her, but he had her in too tight an embrace.

As if he knew, he pulled her tighter and looked away so he couldn't see her face. "This is different," Ithos said. "It's—you can change gender, but species? That's-"

"Ithos, oh my God," Max chuckled. She tried so hard to hold back her laughter for him, but this was going too far. She shook her head and pulled away. He held her tighter for a moment, already knowing she was gonna make a point, but she didn't let that stop her. "Can't change species? You?"

Ithos pouted, staring up at her with sad, pathetic eyes. "N-no," he said.

Max considered pointing out he had scales, a tail flame, and everything to make him a charmander, but she decided to just go in for the kill. "Ithos," she said. She could see in his eyes that he already knew he'd lost, so she kept herself gentle. "Our children." Ithos tried to shrink away, but she didn't let him. This was important. "What species are they?"

"Pichu," Ithos said. Max narrowed her eyes up at him. "And… a charmander." He glared off to the side, just about to acquiesce before his eyes shot open. "B-but that's just it! I have to be fake! A real charmander wouldn't be able to have, um."

Even the taste of potential victory couldn't pull this squeamishness out of him?

"M-make… y'know," he mumbled. Max bit back a chuckle and let it go. With his victory in sight, Ithos started to lose his sheepishness. "With a pikachu."

That's it. No more mercy.

"And I shouldn't be able to lay eggs at all," Max said; Ithos' smirk froze in death. "But I did, didn't I?" He opened his mouth to interrupt her, so she snapped his mouth shut with a paw. "Athena. They are a charmander. They are your child." She blinked a few times as he finally started to get it despite his pride. "You, more than anyone else, can absolutely be whatever species you want." She let go of his snout.

"It's still weird," Ithos said.

Before Max knew she was talking, she said, "And it was weird for a human to think she was a pikachu, too." She gestured to herself with a confident glare. "But look at me-" What she just said froze her in place. "Huh." She'd had the thought with Codi, but wow. "That memory's new."

Graciously, her loving husband didn't mock her for what had to be the strangest thing she'd ever remembered about her life as a human. Yet, all this comfort did nothing to help Ithos. He shrank down.

"All right, yeah," Ithos said. "Maybe I can be a charmander, but it doesn't matter." He looked into the pond, but kept his eyes from the reflection in it. "Whether I'm a mew in soul or not, I still have a duty to the world." He looked at her, finally letting their gazes meet for more than an accidental instant.

Within the same second, tears filled his eyes. That was the only change in his expression, though. His face was firm, eyes resolute in this decision. It wasn't a feeling, and it wasn't something Max could change. She'd never seen him this certain of anything, and he hadn't even told her what it was yet. She went in to hold him, comfort him, but he held her back.

"I failed," Ithos said. "We didn't get rid of Dark Matter. It's going to come back." Max already knew he was right. Finally, she remembered the worst of this all that Grovyle had told her. She couldn't bear to believe it. "I have to stop it for good."

"I-Ithos, how?" Max asked. She already knew the answer. She wanted to be wrong.

"I have to be there when it comes back," Ithos said. His tears hissed as they dripped to his chest. "Even a mew can't live forever." Max shook her head, praying he wouldn't say it. "I have to leave."

"P-please, no," Max begged. She tried to pull him into a hug, but he wouldn't let her. All the life with him she'd already lost, she couldn't let him go again. Tears blurred her vision too much for her to differentiate his eyes from the sky above. "Y-you don't."

"I do," Ithos said. He gripped her shoulder so tight that his claws started to dig in. "It's the only way to end this for good. I can't just kick the pebble to the future for them to deal with." Max wanted to object, wanted to scream at him. No words came out. "I thought no one could be that evil. I wanted to believe that Fara was the real evil. I still do."

Max couldn't make out his eyes, but she could feel him staring into hers.

"After everything, I can't ever believe that there's good in something like her," Ithos said. "You, Ash, Codi—our kids! There's no way I can believe they'd fall for that evil." He shook his head. "Because I fell for it. She wanted me to believe evil people exist, and I do."

"Th-then don't! You can't!" Max begged. She already knew what he was about to say next, but she still had to try. "If it has to be someone who hasn't lived through this, then-"

"I won't leave my mess for someone else!" Ithos barked. "If what I've seen means I can't do what's right," his voice started to crack, falling apart despite his resolution, "then I have to forget it." He couldn't bear to go on. He didn't need to.

"Then take me with you," Max said. For one moment, she didn't care about anyone else, anything else. She wouldn't lose him again. She'd give it all up to see him again, all to fall in love with him—

But she wouldn't fall in love with him again. "Max, no," Ithos said. She'd already lived through that. His future was her past. She'd just relive the same mistake, put herself into a cycle she'd never escape. "You deserve to stay. It isn't fair to you." She'd already lived that time. If she lost her memory, went with him, lived her old life again, she'd lose him again—then, she'd be sent back to this time to start the cycle all over again.

She'd be trapped in a time-loop, and she'd never even know. She couldn't bear to see him go, but she couldn't do this with him. Yet, for a single moment, she still considered it. She could even hear herself justifying it.

"It's not fair to you, either," Max heard her voice say. She even felt the words leaving her mouth. She wanted to react in surprise, but she couldn't move her face. "I won't let you face this alone." Panic shot through her heart when she felt her body move on its own. It grabbed Ithos' shoulders and stared into his eyes. "Let's do it all again."

It only takes a moment's weakness.

"But—the kids-" Ithos argued. Max felt her head shake with horror overwhelming her very soul. Fara never died. She was possessing Max.

"Grovyle," Fara made Max say. She gave a warm, comforting smile with the perfect balance of sorrow in her eyes. "He's the godfather, after all. Just let him know." Max couldn't let this happen. She reached through her memory to find that gut churning sensation Eleos taught her, but it wasn't there.

You think I'd let you remember that? No, but I'll let you remember this.

In an instant, Max relived every single moment since she'd thought Fara died that had escaped her. Every time she'd felt someone else's emotions, every time she'd suspected Fara wasn't really gone. Every time, a second later, she'd had no idea why she was startled at all. She'd let Fara into her memory, and Fara had taken refuge in it.

Fara hadn't stopped talking to Ithos as the memories flew by.

"I've lost you once before," Max heard herself weep. "Please." Her body stood up on her bad leg, the pain flooding her for a moment, but she couldn't so much as wince. Her body gave no reaction, and half the pain went away. Food for Fara. "Don't make me lose you again."

I nearly perished, you know. I wasn't lying. Even now, my life will end. This is the extent of what remains.

With tearful eyes, Ithos tugged Max into a hug. Fara's voice got weaker as she spoke. Max tried desperately to do something, move anything. She felt so close. Fara was losing control. She just needed a few more seconds.

A rush of pain from her leg ripped Max's concentration away.

Thank you so much for the trust, anomaly. With you trapped in this, time is in flux. These events will play out indefinitely.

"I can't," Fara said. "I just, I can't say goodbye to them. Could you?"

Ithos flinched away. "I… no," he admitted. They were both crying.

My failure is no longer set. We will fight and fight for eternity, this loop trapping your soul without your knowing as my past plays out again and again. It will change slightly, won't it? It's just a hypothesis I suppose, but I only need to kill you once to end it. It's inevitable, now, that I'll win.

The tremors. They'd never stabilized. They were still there. This was where they were coming from. This was the instability.

I don't mind if it never works, though.

"All right," Ithos wept. He looked up at her, tears streaming down his pained smile. "I'll see you soon, okay?"

Fara chuckled. "I love you," she said.

Because I'll get to relive this moment for the first time again. And again. And again. I'll gain just enough trust of you to pull you back into this cycle. You'll never even get a chance to learn your lesson.

"How 'bout another first kiss?" she said.

How many times has this happened already, do you think?

Fara's voice weakened with her grip. Max could just barely twitch her paws. She could almost release her grip on Ithos. He let go of one to place a paw on her forehead.

See you soon.

"Put one box on the sidewalk
You return with the next
And the first one's gone
Everyone gets on the bus out of town
And the lights start going out one by one"

"JAMIE MAX PICHU, GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!" Max screamed as she prepared to chase her daughter down the path. She tossed her crutch aside and sprinted after. Within three steps, she yelped in pain and fell, clutching her leg. "God, shit, fucking dammit, FUCK!" If nothing else, at least pika-speak let her swear profusely in front of her kids.

"MOMMY!" Jamie cried. She scampered back to Max and started nosing at her mom's face. "Are you okay? Mommy!" Through the wince, Max couldn't help a smirk.

"Gotcha!" Max said as she snatched Jamie up into her arms. Jamie squeaked in surprise while trying to wriggle out of her hold and throwing a flurry of sparks out. The electricity was clearly just from the surprise and exertion, and it tickled Max at worst.

"No fair!" Jamie cried. She gave a few more impotent wriggles, but Max held tight. "You TRICKED ME!" Jamie finally gave in to her fate with a grumpy pout. "Liar."

"Honey, I wasn't lying," Max cooed. "I just take the opportunities when they come." Jamie pouted harder, turning around in Max's hold. Max ran her paw down the back of the pichu's head (the other paw keeping a tight hold on the little rascal). Before she knew it, she was lapping at the black backs of Jamie's ears. Max cringed when she realized what she was doing and pulled back, glad her daughter didn't seem to notice.

She hated how literal her 'motherly instincts' were.

"Jamie, come on," Max said. She grunted lightly while she lifted her precious bundle of sunshine and mischief enough to turn her around. Jamie sheepishly looked up while Max looked down at her with a scolding frown. "What did you do?"

"Nothing," Jamie lied. Max tilted her head, and Jamie lost her nerve the second her mom's brow started to furrow further. "Okay! I'm sorry."

"That's nice, but I didn't ask if you were sorry," Max said. She kept a firm, expectant gaze on Jamie the whole time. After a bit, she noticed Jamie's lip starting to quiver. "Come on, sweetie, it's okay," Max cooed, running her paw down Jamie's head. "Just tell me the truth, okay?"

"Okay," Jamie grumbled. She kept her eyes firmly away from Max's. Scarcely, she'd glance up with the saddest, wettest eyes that, despite the species difference, reminded Max of Ithos. "A-am I in trouble?"

Max's mouth twisted down in thought. Was she? She needed to tell Jamie what she did wasn't okay, but she had no idea if that counted as in trouble. With barely even glimpses into her own childhood, she was winging it more than most people. "I don't know yet, okay?" she finally said. Jamie looked up with hopeful eyes, and Max smiled down. "It depends on what happened."

"Okay," Jamie said. She squirmed in Max's hold a bit more, but it wasn't to escape. After looking up at Max's smile, though, she built up the courage to come clean. "I-I hit Sandy."

"You did?" Max asked. She was a bit suspicious, though. As much as her human gut told her that was unacceptable, a hit is nothing for a pokémon. There was no way a simple slap would've been enough to make that sandile cry. She narrowed her eyes ever so slightly and looked down at Jamie expectantly. "Is that all?"

"Y-yeah!" Jamie said. Again, she refused to even look in the same direction as Max's face. "O-or, well. M-maybe I hit her a few times." Max kept waiting. Jamie pouted in a grumpy harrumph but finally acquiesced. "I hit her a lot."

"Jamie," Max cooed. She dragged her paws along the fur at the side of Jamie's head and scratched down to the transition from yellow to pink at her cheeks. "Why would you do that?"

"Because!" Jamie barked. Max felt like she was supposed to care about the tone of that, but Jamie was obviously upset about something. She really didn't want to police her daughter's tone of all things. She just sat, waiting for Jamie to calm down and watched as her indignation faded into frustration faded into the hurt that started it all. When she finally got it out, she could barely whisper, "She said I was fat."

"Aw, sweetie, I'm sorry," Max said. She rocked Jamie back and forth a few times. She might like that part of herself now, but she still remembered the hurt it could cause when she was younger. "That still doesn't give you the right to hurt her, okay?"

"I know," Jamie grumbled. She kept her eyes down. Her lip started to tremble as she tilted her head side to side to look at herself. "M-mommy?"

Max coaxed her chin up to get Jamie to look up at her instead. Max smiled down at her and said, "Yes, sweetie?"

"Am I?" Jamie mumbled. Max got her face to look up, but Jamie kept her eyes far away from Max's in shame. Sparks bounced down from her little, pink cheeks while she tried to keep a strong face.

"Hey, look at me," Max said. She smiled warmly down at her little girl and pulled her into a hug while she tried desperately to think of an answer. She had no idea what fat meant for a pichu. Their line was supposed to be a bit chubby, wasn't it? Then again, maybe that was perfect. She started to roll forward to stand, but just the idea made her leg ache. To compromise, she just tugged Jamie out of the embrace.

"Is mommy fat?" Max asked. It still gave her a little thrill to call herself that, mom. She didn't know if she'd ever stop loving that she was one.

"What? NO!" Jamie sputtered. "Of course not!"

Max chuckled a bit and raised a brow. "Are you suuure?" she asked. Jamie nodded without hesitation, so Max looked down at her with a smirk. "Then why are my hugs so SQUISHY!" She yanked Jamie into a smothering hug that had the pichu wriggling and giggling like mad.

"O-okay, okay!" Jamie laughed, forcibly escaping the smothering embrace. The chuckles helped a bit, but Max could still see the hurt. "B-but… it's still mean to call you… that."

"It can be, sure," Max said, ruffling Jamie's head fur. "But I'm fat, and I like it like that!" She smiled down at Jamie, and the pichu seemed to gain a bit of her confidence back, pulling some of her mom's smile for herself. "It was still mean what Sandy said to you, though, okay? I'm not saying that." Jamie looked hopefully up at her.

Max jabbed a nubbin towards her with a smirk, saying, "That doesn't mean what you did was okay, does it?"

"No," Jamie sighed. She looked off to the side with a mix of guilt and a chuckle.

"Good girl," Max said. She tugged Jamie into another embrace. The association was enough to get Jamie giggling all over again, even as she finally hugged Max back. "All right, c'mon." She let go of Jamie and nodded to her abandoned crutch, hiding a wince. She hated to ask this.

She hated more that she didn't have a choice. "Go get mommy's crutch. You have some apologizing to do."

"B-but MOOOOM!" Jamie whined. She started looking up with pleading eyes that didn't last a second after Max crossed her arms. "Okay." She pouted a bit, but went and brought Max's crutch over anyway.

"Good girl," Max said. She took her crutch and ruffled Jamie's head fur again. While she started getting up, Jamie hopped over to the other side to help push her up. Max chuckled at the assistance, a few embarrassed sparks bouncing down her cheeks. She wanted to scream. She didn't need help standing. It hurt, but she could do it on her own.

"Aw, thank you, sweetie," she cooed. She went to pat her daughter on the head again when a zooming bolt of yellow shot towards both of them.

"MOM!" Circ shouted as he jolted to a stop mere inches away from her. The pichu stood up with a proud smile and jabbed his thumb into his chest. "I just defended Max from one of my friends!" He crossed his arms with a self-incriminating grin and looked over to Jamie, not noticing her violently motioning for him to shut up until he already said, "I made SURE Drake knew what happens when he insults MY sister."

"Oh did you?" Max asked. Circ froze in place. "Well, what happens?" Max layered her tone with thick neutrality to hide her true intent. "I'd like to know."

"Uh," Circ mumbled. "I. Uh." Then, he bolted off as fast as he came.

"SHORT CIRCUIT NEBULA PICHU, GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT!" Max screamed. She almost dropped down into a sprint again before Jamie stopped her. Suddenly, it felt wrong. She felt herself turn to see her daughter say something, but she couldn't hear what. Yet, she could feel herself answering back.

All of a sudden, her own sight felt distant. It felt like a vision. It felt like a memory. She couldn't remember what she was looking at. In an instant, it all faded away. She never got a chance to mourn the loss, as the memory took its absence with it. It was fading.

It was nothing.

"Finger find the button marked erase
Like a deep sea diver
Falling into a mermaid's embrace"

Max scurried over to her husband in a hurry with a smile on her face. Ithos didn't notice for a few seconds, too busy staring up at a tree in front of him. When he did, though, his eyes shot open in horror and he rushed over to meet her. "Max, what are you doing?!" he asked, nearly tackling her down. Max rolled her eyes as he pulled her into an embrace. "You have to be careful!"

"It's doing all right, today," Max said. She hugged him back, then wriggled out of his embrace. He looked at her with worry, but reluctantly dropped it. It didn't stop his hesitation, though. It didn't change that he still needed to help her sit down, because she hadn't figured out how to do it on her own without hurting herself.

They kissed, and Max shook his shoulder. "What's up? Athena told me Circ was giving you trouble." She winked.

"Oh, he is," Ithos exaggeratedly grumbled. Max tilted her head and looked around for their son. Ithos threw an angry eye up at the tree before laughing it off.

Max looked up at the million story high tree and saw a little speck of yellow wriggling about its branches. When she sucked in a breath to scream that he get down from there before he hurt himself, Ithos threw his paws over her mouth with a chuckle. "It's okay, it's okay! Remember?" he said. He looked down at her with an expectant gaze while she took a deep breath. "Little pichu boys are supposed to climb trees and stuff."

"I know," Max whined. She stared horrified up at that height while trying desperately not to run up there and drag him back down herself. After a moment, she chuckled and shook her head. "So are little human boys. That doesn't stop their mom's from yelling at them to get down."

Ithos tugged her closer into a hug and smiled. "I'm guessing he gets this from you?" he asked.

"Yeah, I think so," Max said. She let out a wistful sigh. The feeling of bark poking into every inch of her while she scaled trapped her in memory for a moment, as if she could feel it all again. The only emotion stronger than the thrill of accomplishment was the horror of how she would possibly get down. "I used to love climbing trees when I was little." She shook her head, and Ithos pulled her tighter.

"It's weird I never really did that when I became a pikachu," she said. She glanced down to her leg, a frown twisting her mouth down. It was already sore from running over there. "Guess I missed my chance." She was far too young to have a gimp leg.

Ithos started to say some comfort or another when Circ screamed, "MOM!" Both Ithos and Max jerked their heads up to look at him, Max still struggling to fight down the dread seeing him so high. "Look! Can you see how high I am?!" Of course he'd be proud of the exact thing that was filling her with dread.

He was, indeed, his father's son.

"I can, wow!" Max shouted back. It was fine. It was fine. He was a mouse. Mice climb all the time. You can't stop the little shits from climbing. He was completely safe. He wouldn't just fall.

"Watch!" Circ shouted. With a smile Max could still see from so far away, he hopped off that branch and out of the tree. Max's heart fell out the bottom of her stomach while her face contorted into shock and horror. He jumped out of the tree.

"CIRC, NO!" Max screamed. Ithos tried to stop her, but she was already running to him—could she make it in time?! Her leg gave its grumbles, groans, shouts, and screams, but she ignored them. Her son's life was on the line!

"I'VE GOT YOU!" Max screamed again. He was falling so fast already, but she made it under him just in time. She hopped up to her hindpaws when a rush of lightning shot through her from above. Half of Circ's momentum disappeared, but not enough to keep Max from crashing into the ground when she caught him. A smack of searing, blinding pain hit her from her leg, but she didn't care.

"Circ, baby! Are you okay?! Talk to m—ITHOS!" she sputtered out all at once while desperately trying to examine what she was horrified was already a corpse. "CALL AN AMBULANCE!" She looked all over Circ for injuries while he cackled like a maniac at his accomplishment.

Max had yet to hear Ithos talking to emergency personnel over the phone, so she shot her head around to see him rolling around on the grass. He was laughing. She was holding their dying son in her arms, and he was laughing.

"Mommy!" Circ shouted between giggles. He leapt up out of her hold to get her attention before falling back in her arms. "I'm okay, look!"

Max yelped in horror as her critically injured precious little baby boy leapt out of her hold and flipped in the air once before landing a few feet away. He struck a pose as he stuck the landing. Unfortunately, he didn't strike the landing quite enough, and the momentum from the flip sent him tumbling backwards.

"CIRC!" Max yelped. She threw herself around him, a dense pit of dread still in her heart. Even seeing he was completely fine, she felt her heart beating out of her chest. "What were you thinking?!"

"Did you see! Did you see me do it?!" Circ cheered at her. A dissonance hit Max for a second when she glared down at him. Was she controlling herself? She was doing exactly what she thought of doing as she thought it, but why didn't it feel like her? "I did the shock drop! Just like you used to do!"

Max let out a horrified breath of relief. "Circ!" she said. Her head shook. She couldn't tell why. Her own actions happened to her. The world existed around her. She stared into her son's eyes, a gaze laughing at her for a reason she'd known mere seconds ago. The memory was slipping out of her paws. She couldn't move as it faded.

She forgot what he felt like in her arms. She forgot what he'd done that made her so scared. She forgot whose laughter behind her made her turn around to scream at them. Her scream rang like an echo before it silenced.

A moment later, the sound had never happened at all.

"When it's as it someday is
It always will have been the case
When your ever-searching finger
Finds the button marked erase"

The world around her was nothing. It was everything. Max couldn't tell where she was, but it didn't matter.

"Mommy!" Athena cheered as she leapt into Max's arms. Max sucked in a breath as dread left her from she didn't know where. Luckily, she didn't collapse with the added weight. Her leg wasn't happy, and her vision was spotting, but it was all right. She was going to prove that doctor wrong. Sure, it might get sore, but she didn't need that stupid crutch.

"Hey, sweetie!" Max cooed back. Ignoring the pain in her leg for a moment, she cradled Athena in her arms back and forth a few times before setting her down. She was just two months old, and already Max was only a scant few inches taller than her. She really needed to put a brick on this one's head to keep her small for a little bit longer. "Whatcha doing?"

"I can't tell you!" Athena said, face beaming a smile wider than her cheeks should've been able to accommodate. She looked up with a challenge in her eye while she furrowed her brow at Max.

"Oh, you can't?" Max asked. She furrowed her brow right back at the (for now) little one. "Well, then why'd your daddy come get me and tell me you were begging to see me?" She narrowed her eyes a bit more, and Athena lost her concentration to giggles for a second.

"Weeeell," Athena hummed. She regained her faux-glare again, keeping the laughter she'd shunted to get it back. "I can't tell you YET!" Max wanted to rip her up into the air and snuggle her again for how absolutely adorable she was being, but she kept herself together for Athena's sake. Max waited for Athena to go on, and Athena struggled to wait even that long. "Close your eyes!"

"Aw, is it a surprise?" Max asked. Closing her eyes didn't really do much thanks to her awareness (an invaluable resource for a mother, she'd found out), but she went along anyway. Her eyelids had barely met before Athena was shoving something into her paws.

"Okay, open, OPEN!" Athena begged. Max giggled as she followed the demands. Athena grabbed her paws and shoved them up so Max could look at what she'd put in them. "LOOK!"

Athena didn't seem to notice the stench of smoldering fur, and it didn't hurt Max enough for her to mention it. Max imagined it was the cosmos paying her back for all the times she'd shocked Ithos in excitement or embarrassment. She had to wonder if Athena would always have trouble like her mom did, but she'd wonder that later.

In Max's paws sat a little bundle of strings that was just barely recognizable as a bracelet. It had extra fluffs of string every other wind, the arrows barely even recognizable around its length. Despite all the scorch marks that had to be from Athena getting too excited, Max could see the colors were a near perfect match for the teal and blue of the time bracelet Grovyle had left her with. It was beautiful.

"I made it!" Athena announced. She was trying so hard to look proud of herself, but she kept glancing at all its little imperfections. "It's the first one I got to the end on."

"I love it," Max squeaked. Her cheeks burned while tears built up in her eyes. It was just a little bracelet. A silly little bracelet that was barely even recognizable as such, and it was so beautiful to her that she couldn't even speak right. She took a breath in and tried with all her might for at least a few words. "Pi-pa, aaa. Amazing."

"Thank you!" Athena cheered. She threw herself into Max's arms, and Max didn't try to stay standing this time. She squeezed Athena with the biggest hug she'd ever given her while her tears hissed off Athena's scales. "Do you really like it?"

Max nodded her head hard enough to give herself whiplash. She couldn't talk. She didn't care. She loved this charmander so much. She was a blubbering mess because of a bundle of strings. It had her unable to think straight for she didn't know how long. Eventually, she'd stopped sobbing from sheer joy, and Athena tugged herself up to plant a kiss on Max's cheek. Max leaned forward to plant a kiss on her forehead.

Max stared down at Athena's wide, proud eyes with a grin. She still had no idea how Athena happened, but it was even more absurd how much she took after Max despite not even being a pichu. Her eyes were the exact same color, with the exact same bit of gold around the center. The color was even easier to see in a charmander's eyes, too.

She saw more than colors creeping into those eyes, though.

"Sweetie, are you okay?" Max asked. Athena quickly nodded with a forced smile. Max could remember herself doing the same thing. "Are you sure?" Max watched her with an empathetic gaze while Athena struggled to let go of the bravado. "C'mon, little girl, what's wrong?"

Athena shrank down a little when Max said that. Max noticed, but let her get away with it. "S-so, m-mommy," Athena asked. Max gave her a warm smile down alongside comforting scritches down her scales. The administrations relaxed Athena as they came and brought a dumb smile to her face. When she started to churr, Max pat her out of the reverie. Athena looked up again, a bit less burdened.

"Did you mean it when you said we can talk about anything?" she asked.

"Athena, of course," Max cooed. She smiled down at her and squeezed her into another hug, rocking her back and forth. "I'm your mom! If you need anything in the whole world, I want you to come to me, first." Athena relaxed into Max's hold.

"Thank you," Athena whispered. She hugged Max tighter for a moment before pulling away a bit. She still kept herself well within Max's embrace. "W-well, um." Before she could even think about getting nervous again, Max scratched underneath her chin with a warm smile. It'd always worked when Mom did it on her, so of course it worked on Athena, too. "Is it normal to not feel like a girl?"

Good God, was Athena her mother's… kiddo.

"Well, it's normal for girls to feel like girls," Max said. Athena shrank down at that, but Max pulled her out of that before she finished. "So, if you don't feel like a girl, maybe you aren't one." Athena looked up with hopeful eyes, too scared to believe it. "Do you feel like a boy?"

"No," Athena said. She took in a deep sigh, then let it out. "I dunno what I feel like." Max pulled her into a hug the same instant the frustration started to come.

"That's okay," Max cooed. She ran her paws down Athena's back with a smile. She'd never gotten the chance to have this conversation with Mom. She was so glad Athena did. She'd cherish it for the rest of her life. "You've got a whole life to figure all this out." She squeezed Athena tighter, this time to mask a frown.

Athena wasn't exactly a gender neutral name. Max had done her best to keep their names neutral, but Ithos was adamant. His beautiful little baby angel charmander would be named Athena, and that was final.

A shame. Max usually loved to be proven right.

"Do you wanna have a name other than Athena?" Max asked. She chuckled a bit as she had an idea. "There's always your middle name."

"I like Cori," Cori said. She bounced a bit as relief replaced trepidation. "But I like Athena, too!" Athena squeezed Max tighter. "I don't wanna lose those names." Her excitement suddenly froze. "D-do I have to?!"

"Nonono, don't worry," Max cooed, rocking her little angel back to peaceful bliss. "If you don't want to change your name, you don't." Athena let out a deep breath of relief. Max pat her back as she let out the breath, then pulled her back to smile down at her. "What did you wanna change, though?"

"Well," Athena mumbled. She snuggled into Max's lap while she thought it through, and Max ran her paw down Athena's scales. After how long it had taken Max to figure it out, it must be hard for a little two month old charmander. Athena scrunched her face up in thought more and more until she snuggled further into Max again. "I dunno."

"That's okay, sweetie," Max cooed, rocking Athena back and forth. "Here, I know what might help." Athena perked up and looked up at her, already smiling. "I used to have a friend who wasn't a guy or a girl. Two, actually."

"Really?" Athena asked after a gasp of surprise.

"Yeah!" Max chuckled. Athena's eagerness made it a bit easier to deal with the pain of remembering them. "One," the one that was Athena's middle-namesake, "I'd always refer to as 'they' when I talked about them. Instead of being a son or a daughter, we'd call them a kid. Instead of a brother or a sister, they'd be a sibling." She smiled down at Athena while staying quiet a moment to let the words process. "How's that sound?"

Athena nodded in thought as a nervous smile built. "Yeah, I think I like it," they said. A bit of excitement wiggled them into Max's arms again, and even more relief sighed out. "B-but what if I'm wrong?"

"That's okay, too," Max said, squeezing her kiddo happily. "You just do what makes you happiest, all right?" She felt another pang of hurt at another memory cropping up, but it brought a smile with it as well. "And if anyone bugs you about it," she pulled Athena back a bit to look into their eyes with a smirk, "come get me, and we'll kick their—" can't swear, don't swear, "—butts together."

Athena giggled at it and hopped up to wrap their arms around Max's neck. Max caught them by the chest and held them up, so happy that she could still manage that without trouble. Waist up, she was still as strong as ever.

As the hug went on, Max kept an eye on their tail flame. It burned in excitement at first, but quickly started flickering and flitting as nerves reared their ugly head. The little lizard was already thinking up new reasons to get nervous. Max chuckled. Like mother like kiddo.

"Are you sure, mommy?" Athena asked. They let go of Max's neck and slid down to rest on Max's right thigh. "Can I really change? Just like that?"

"Of course!" Max cooed. Athena's worry barely moved at that, though, and Max didn't expect that to work on its own anyway. "In fact…." She suddenly looked around them, tilting her head to check the entrance of the room, searching for any hidden ne'er-do-wells before putting one nubbin up and shushing a giggling Athena. "You wanna know a secret?"

Max covered up Athena's mouth before they could speak and shushed them again. Athena didn't complain for a second before eagerly nodding their head, and Max giggled with them. She didn't really care who knew, but certain personality types just loved to listen when they thought it was a secret.

She would know. After all, Mom did this to get Max to listen plenty.

"You know how Mommy used to be a human?" Max asked. Athena nodded again, eyes bursting in eager excitement. "Weeeeeell, do you know what ELSE Mommy used to be?"

Athena shook their head (a tough task with Max's paw still shushing their face). Max looked around them again to hide her mouth while the giggling smirk became too much to conceal for a moment. Once she got it under control, she brought herself back to look directly into Athena's eyes. "A boy," she said.

"WHAT?!" Athena screeched. Max was already laughing too hard to pretend to bother with shushing them again. "Really?!" Max nodded, giggles ripping through her to precede tears.

Max didn't know how long she'd been terrified to be herself. She still didn't know if she knew before she'd left Ithos the first time, or even if she'd known as a human. She just knew how hard it was to accept when she was surrounded by nothing but alienation. She remembered Sneasel. In a world so recently hostile as that, she'd had the opportunity to give Athena love and acceptance right from the very beginning of their journey.

It was one of the most valuable moment's of Max's life.

It was gone.

"

Put

Box

Sidewalk

Then

Return

Next

First

One

Gone

Everyone

On
Bus

Out

Lights

Out

One

By

One"

Max could feel her entire life collapsing around her. Every thought she'd ever had, thing she'd ever wanted, life event she'd ever looked forward to all melted together in one endless, volcanic eruption of annihilation. The entire pressure of love, her life up to that point, trapped her deep within the Earth's core and ground her down into a cosmic terror that she could only feel as a loss.

She felt it all, felt what she was becoming clawing out from underneath her skin as any semblance of her own control crawled out of her veins. She could never accept this; it was too late. She could never become this; she already was. She never wanted this title; she'd embraced the name:

Mom.

Max sat in front of a nest of three eggs with wide, horrified eyes. She rocked back and forth while her life flashed before her eyes. She was looking at three miracles of life. She may as well have been staring down the barrel of a loaded gun.

"N-no, can't. I can't do this, I," she incoherently rambled to Codi. Her friend had left a few minutes ago for backup, but Max hadn't noticed. She couldn't take her eyes off the eggs since she saw it the first time.

She'd seen one move.

It was coming. All around her, she could feel it wrapping around her. The loving embrace of her husband ripped her out of her life and back into a painful hell of uncertainty, and she'd let him. Their life together disappeared right in front of her and took her into a terrifying new reality. She wanted to hold on, but she didn't have any anchors left to grab.

The door opened. In an instant, Max threw herself around her precious eggs to protect them from whatever sick interloper had just signed their own death—

"C-CODI!" Max shrieked. She sprinted over the three feet between them until her right leg collapsed out from under her. She yelped and toppled to the side to clutch it. Right. It still hadn't… according to the doctor… wouldn't….

"It's okay, it's okay," Codi cooed. She pulled Max up against the wall behind them and wrapped an arm around her. "I've got you. You're okay."

"Thanks," Max hissed, still clutching her leg. The pain at the very least helped to drag her kicking and screaming out of the panic attack she'd been having for the past hour (or, had it been a few?). After a bit, she didn't feel the pain fading away in the slightest. "Codi?"

"Meds?" Codi asked. Max grit her teeth as she nodded. It was pretty regular for her to ask her friends for help getting those, now. It was just a part of her life, now.

It was supposed to already be healed. Just a few days ago, she'd gone to the doctor in search of the final, clean bill of health that would finally let her put this whole thing behind her. She'd still felt a bit uncertain on the leg, but she just knew it'd be okay once she could stop wearing the boot. All that pressure must've just been making the muscles sore.

Instead, she'd gotten an indefinite prescription for painkillers. It wasn't going away. It was permanent.

Her best chance was evolving. That's all it was, though: a chance. Sometimes, evolving would get rid of silly kinks of bad healing like this. Other times, it'd just leave them the same. She still didn't want to be a raichu yet. Her only chance was to compromise a part of herself for the rest of her life, and it might not even do anything at all.

Codi fed her the painkiller and washed it down with some water. Max whimpered hearing her crutch clack down next to her. Max ripped it out of Codi's paws and chucked it out of the room from whence it came. No matter how many times she left it behind, it always seemed to catch up with her. Even times when she felt fine and swore she didn't need it, all it took was standing up wrong once.

Codi held her tighter as tears started trickling down Max's face. "Here, c'mon," Codi whispered. She started helping Max up. Max didn't resist. "You need some fresh air."

Instead of the crutch, Codi let Max lean on her. It was basically the same, but it did some kind of something to protect her pride. It was almost like she could walk normally. Then again, this wasn't really how a normal pikachu walked anyway. When she only had to do the motions, not putting any weight on her leg, it did fine.

As they left the house, Max realized Codi was a no-good-dirty-rotten liar. She didn't want Max to have fresh air at all. She just wanted Max a bit further away from the room with her eggs so she didn't have another episode seeing Codi's mom so close to them.

That was another fun discovery. Her instincts took motherhood seriously. Even on her best days, they screamed their two cents at her.

Hell, they'd had her jump to protect her eggs from her best friend mere minutes ago.

"Hey," Max said with a sad excuse for a smile. Gracia smiled back (careful to keep it reserved enough to hide what teeth she could). Codi sat Max against something, but stayed next to her. Max loved seeing Gracia usually. Right now, she just struggled to want to see anyone, so her broken smile tugged her eyes to the earth.

"Mother of the Sea, I've never seen you this pathetic," Gracia said. Max chuckled despite herself.

"I don't think I have, either," Max said. Codi tugged her into a hug while Gracia (slowly, gingerly) bent down to give Max's head fur a healthy tousling. Max whimpered a bit at seeing Gracia trying so hard to be so careful. They both struggled with instincts. Max knew more than most how that must've felt for her. Their own struggles with it just so happened to intersect in the most painful way for both of them.

"I thought I told you, you don't scare me," Max said.

"Calm yourself, little girl," Gracia chuckled. She sat back and nodded her head towards Codi. "Just a force of habit from when she was a jumpy little hatchling." Codi swallowed some whine, looking pleadingly up at her mom. After sharing a glance, though, she chuckled along. They were such a loving family.

Max had her eyes in her paws already, whimpering, "I can't, I can't, I can't," twelve times a second without an end in sight.

"Max—Max, STOP!" Codi barked, shaking Max out of it. The shaking started to slow Max's ramblings, so Gracia halted Codi with a raised paw.

"Can't what, sweetie?" Gracia asked.

"THIS!" Max screamed. She shook her head with a whimper. Every time she thought about this, it all hit her at once. "Mom! I'm not a mom! I can't be a mom! I'm not supposed to be a mom! I'M NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO BE A GIRL!" She shook her head at the sheer, horrifying impossibility of it all.

"I don't even know what it's like!" she went on. "I wasn't a pichu! I've never been a pichu! I'm a human! I'm not supposed to be a pokémon, so how the hell am I gonna raise THREE OF THEM?!" The moment she started, she couldn't stop herself. She was already rocking herself back and forth. "I'm too young! I'm not the right species! I-I—" She grit her teeth. Even in a full panic, she struggled to admit this.

"M-my leg!" She shook her head. It couldn't be real. She didn't want to admit it was permanent. "How am I supposed to be a mom like this! I can't walk, can't talk half the time! I can't play with my kids! I can't relate to them! I can't carry them to bed, can't chase after them when they're running away, can't—c-can't…."

Tears came to overwhelm her with sobs. She shook her head as her voice weakened to squeaks. "I can't," she whimpered. She could feel it. She could feel it all again. She was dreaming. She was falling.

Max didn't know how she'd protect her kids if she couldn't stand. She didn't know how to raise kids she couldn't relate to on the most fundamental level of how they grew up. She didn't know how to show them that a world she'd seen bow to hate was still full of love when she herself didn't know if she could believe it. She didn't know where she was going.

What she needed wasn't advice, except as a framing device. Really, it'd be a thinly veiled excuse to comfort her, be there for her, and assure her that, however she managed to be a mother for her children, she wouldn't have to raise them alone. That moment meant a lot to her.

That moment was gone.

Max was falling. She had been for a while, and she would continue to fall until he crashed to the earth and stared up at a new world's sky for the first time.

Again.

In dreams about falling, there is a basic, almost de facto interpretation. It's seen as the subconscious horror of a loss of control. This is because, generally speaking, no one can control their descent.

Is that really the horror of falling, though?

The threat of a fall is the threat of hitting the ground. It is coming face to face with inevitability. Drifting through a thrill out of your control is as much fun as it is terrifying. The thrill is the horror. People fall for fun all the time. It's fun to play with the looming threat of an end once you hit the ground.

For the most part, that's right. It all depends on the context, though. For, even in hitting the ground, even when you fall far enough to die, it's not the worst that could come. The terror is over.

There's a comfort in an ending. Not everyone is lucky enough to get one.

The horror of falling isn't hitting the ground. That's the relief. The true nightmare begins after you hit the ground and lose it all, only to start falling all over again.

At least he'd see his friends again.

---

(A/N:

Hey! As you can probably guess, this canon really can't fit within Dreams of Change anymore. I really wrestled with it to be honest, but I just feel like there's no other way for this story to end. I've re-categorized it into the series "Daydreams of Change", a series for stories that are within this universe, but aren't strictly compliant with the canon.

It's still a real story. It's as real as any other story. Just, y'know, it can't really fit in with the fic that it originated from as it is.

It feels weird. I'm not usually one for bad ends, but this one felt right.

I won't be returning to posting Dream of Change quite yet, though. Part of me needs to recover from this one. Also, I've been working on another story in the background that I've already got finished. I want to post that one first, then I'll get back to Dream of Change.

The story's called Dead Flame, and takes place after the events of this chapter. See ya there.)