Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Janet Evanovich. I am not making any money from this. All mistakes are mine.
Even the Pup is an Unmentionable by Debra8652
Chapter 2
Remy's POV
My name is Remington Diesel Plum-Manoso but everyone calls me Remy. I think that's because Ella's embroidery machine couldn't fit Remington on my extra small Rangeman vest. I will eventually grow into my name.
Diesel is my mostly human dad and Steph is my human mom. Mom's Man is named Carlos or Ranger Manoso but lots of the guys call him Sir. Mom says that, if she is known as Manoso's Woman, Ranger can darn well be known as Plum's Man!
I turned 5 months old yesterday. Ella made me a yummy and healthy pupcake. Yesterday was a great day for me. I successfully herded 5 Rangemen into the 5th floor breakroom! Mom was horrified but Mom's Man thought it was funny and took a picture!
Yesterday afternoon, Dad Diesel popped in to see how I was doing. He can read my mind and program people to think the way he wants them to. He laughed when he read my mind and found out that I thought Santos' actual name was Fucking Santos. Mom was there and told me that his real name was Lester. Mom's Man is in charge here and he calls him Fucking Santos, so I thought that was his name. Must ponder this.
Mom says that Lester goes through women like elephants go through peanuts. Something else to ponder. Dad Diesel programmed me to tell women to ignore Lester so I tried it when Lester took me to the park. Whenever a pretty woman noticed Lester, I concentrated on telling her to ignore him. When Lester and I got back to Rangeman, Lester told Mom that I was defective and not the chick magnet he thought I'd be. Mom told Lester to man up and take the L!
Mom's Man's second in command is named Tank. He lives in a house with a bunch of cats. I would like to try my skills at herding cats, but Mom said it's pretty hard. I'd like to try, though. Mom said she is going to start a Rangeman drinking game where everyone has to drink water (Mom's Man says alcohol and weapons don't mix) everytime Tank refers to his cats.
Bobby is also a member of Mom's Man's Core Team. He was an Army medic and takes care of all of the humans. I even saw him reading a veterinary book about dogs so he can watch over me, too.
I walked by Mom's Man's office and saw him reading a manual on how to parachute behind enemy lines. Why wouldn't you just pop behind enemy lines? Dad Diesesl could do it. It seems quicker and cheaper.
The reason I herded Mom's Merry Men is that Binkie took me for an early morning walk and I saw a bunch of blackbirds eating some spilled garbage. I got excited and tried to herd the birds. I guess it carried over when I saw all those Rangemen in black getting their breakfast. My bad.
First I herded Binkie - Mom thinks of him as the brother she doesn't have. Next came Hal - he was embarrassed but he gets embarrassed about everything. He blushed when Binkie asked him to pass the cocktail sauce when they were eating lunch! Cal was next - Mom thinks he is sad and that his forehead tattoo is a way to tell people to stay away. I got Ramon and Raphael herded into the corner, too. They are friends but are always fighting over who gets to go with Mom on her next apprehension. Mom makes them sit in time out in the guest chairs.
So, my duties at Rangeman are to keep these guys in line - talk about job security! Oops - got to go. Ramon and Raphael are fighting over Mom's next apprehension. They are playing rock, paper, scissors but they're using real rocks and scissors!