Even the Pup is an Unmentionable by Debra8652
Chapter 4
Remy's POV
Your faithful canine correspondent Remy here. I am in charge of morale at Rangeman, LLC, and cleaning up crumbs from the breakroom floor.
I am a 5-month old Border Collie that my mostly human dad Diesel came across while he was pursuing an Unmentionable. He thought this would be a good place for me since there are always Rangemen on duty and there's a lot for me to do. My human mom is Stephanie Plum-Manoso. Mom's Man is Ranger. Here are some conversations I overheard this week.
I am still a pup so I nap a lot but my ears did perk up this week when I heard someone (Mom) say "neuter" and a high pitched squeal (Lester). Turns out that Mom was chasing Lester in the breakroom with a bread knife. Mom's Man got the knife away from Mom. He claimed it's Ella's favorite bread knife and wasn't to be used to neuter Lester. Mom claimed that it's for the good of society.
At a meeting of the Core Team, Lester started bragging about the hot date he had last night.
Lester: Let me tell you all the details of my date last night. It was epic.
Tank: How is ol' Rubber Rita? You didn't overinflate her this time, did you?
Conversation from the control room floor:
Mom's Man: Babe, stop tormenting Lester.
Mom: I wasn't tormenting Lester.
Mom's Man: Babe, you referred to him as the human version of colonoscopy prep.
More from the control room floor:
Lester: Beautiful, look at all the crap that women have to put up with - periods, childbirth, high heels, pantyhose. Name one good thing about being a woman.
Mom: Multiple orgasms.
Lester is speechless. Mom's Man looks smug.
Conversation from Mom's Man's office:
Mom's Man: Babe, the petting zoo staff doesn't want you to visit anymore.
Mom: Why not? My nieces loved it.
Mom's Man: It seems the animals loved you and followed you all over. No one else got a chance to see them.
Mom: Ranger, it's normal for cute little farm animals to follow humans around. It's only natural.
Mom's Man: Babe, it was an emu. And a llama. And an alpaca (shoutout to txbabefan's Alpaca the Car).
Headed to a takedown:
Mom: Ramon and Raphael, I swear to God I'm turning this SUV around right now!
Ramon and Raphael: Yes, Mom.
Conversation from the control room floor:
Tank: Everyone line up, side by side. Bossman wants to tell you about an upcoming assignment. (Mom's Man stands in front of Mom, which threatens to short out all Hector's electronics in the vicinity). Brett is standing next to Mom and yells at Binkie at the far end of the line:
Brett: Move down, you can't believe how much body heat Bomber and Bossman are throwing off!
Binkie: I'm already against the wall - where am I gonna go?
Brett: Then turn a garden hose on them!
Binkie: We're on the 5th floor - where am I gonna find a garden hose?