Even the Pup is an Unmentionable by Debra8652
Chapter 6
Ranger's POV
It's Good Friday and the holiday work rotation has been adjusted by Babe and Tank after a late season winter storm interfered with some of the Rangemen's Easter travel plans. We will arrange for a catered meal on Sunday since we have more staff on-site than we originally thought.
In the meantime, Diesel popped into the control room wearing fuzzy bunny slippers, hot pink silk shorts with white bunnies on them - complete with a white tail in the back - and, to top it all off, bunny ears. Nothing else. No one - not Remy, Babe, nor any of my men - even batted an eye. I swear to my mother's god that I will never again complain about him showing up in shitkicker boots, torn jeans, and t-shirts advertising beer or tequila after seeing today's getup.
I once asked Flash, Diesel's assistant, to describe the relationship between Babe and Diesel. He described it as being based on affection, trust, and loyalty - the same relationship as Babe has with my men. He further described it as being between two extremes - the first crush you have on someone when you are 6 years old, and a couple who has been married for 50 years. I can't argue with either of those.
I know Diesel loves to flirt with Babe, partly just to irritate me, but I can't deny their close friendship. I've always said that I don't get jealous, I just eliminate the competition. I can't do that here: 1) Diesel has a skill set that very few people have and he uses it for the greater good, 2) he is very hard to kill, and 3) he is Babe's friend and Remy's human dad. I understand Diesel. He is the job, just like me. He is driven to make the world a safer place, just like me. So I accept the fact that he's talking to Babe while dressed, more or less, as the Easter Bunny.
Diesel: Miss me, Honey Bun? I came to wish you a Happy Easter but I got caught in a Polar Vortex between Nova Scotia and Trenton. I think it flattened my tail - is my tail still floofy?
Babe: It does look a little flat.
Diesel: I thought so. Can you re-floof it?
Babe re-floofs his tail. I'm surprised his leg didn't thump against the office chair.
Diesel: My organization has given approval for you and Flash to carry our panic buttons when you are on missions with me. When activated, they will summon help from people like me. I have them in plastic Easter eggs in my shorts pockets.
Oh, FFS, he's rooting around in the pockets of his shorts like he's mining for gold.
Diesel: Found one. Oops - my bad. That was 100% genuine Grade A Diesel!
Just kill me now. He finally pulls a plastic Easter egg from each pocket - one for Babe and one for Flash.
Diesel: The panic buttons are made of a metal that won't be manufactured until 20 years into the future. They have worldwide range. Just press the center of the button and Unmentionable help will pop in. I've got to go now - my one and only awaits me. Her name is Angela. Or is it Andrea? Annalise?
Now he's checking the palm of his hand where he's written the name of his "one and only". It's obviously a serious relationship.
Diesel: Angelica. Hmm. Never would have gotten that one. Anyway, Happy Easter, everyone!
Pop.