Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Janet Evanovich. Any mistakes are mine. I am not making any money from this.

Even the Pup is an Unmentionable by Debra8652

Chapter 9

Remy, Rangeman Ambassador, here. My human mom is Stephanie Plum-Manoso and my mostly human dad is Diesel. Just Diesel. I am a six-month old Border Collie. I if hear something that interests me, one of my ears perks up. Mom said it is the equivalent of the Rangemen being able to lift one eyebrow.

Mom's Man is Carlos "Ranger" Manoso. He is the CEO of Rangeman. He doesn't talk a lot - Mom said it's as if he is sending telegrams and paying Western Union by the word. Tank is second in command here. Bobby Brown is the company medic. Lester Santos is Mom's Man's cousin and is the fourth member of the Core Team. I have stuff to tell you about all of them this week.

Mom's Man had to give up pinching the bridge of his nose in times of stress. Bobby told him that he was going to give himself sinus problems if he kept it up. Mom's Man now runs his fingers through this hair instead. I have really good eyesight and I think I can see his hair grow everyday! Tank said not to worry about it and that Mom's Man is laughing all the way to the bank. Not sure what that means but it must be about Rangeman making money, paw over fist.

Speaking of Tank and money, Tank brought one of his cats to the office - they are on their way to the vet so kitty can get vaccinated. Anyway, I saw Tank showing the kitty pictures of catios on his computer. It sounds as if Tank is going to have a catio built for his cats. Since I am Rangeman Ambassador, I went over to nose boop Tank's kitty. YEOW! What the heck - kitty has little needles at the end of its paws! My friend Bobby Brown put some salve on my nose. Lester said something about the situation that Mom said was "totally inappropriate" and used a squirt gun on him. Mom's Man ran his fingers through his hair.

Lester taught me about SNAFU, TARFU, and FUBAR this week. He thought it was good timing for it since we had a fire drill - I learned that you can't use the elevator during a fire drill. Junior is on crutches after being shot in the leg. Cal is in a knee brace because he tore his meniscus during a takedown and had surgery. Woody broke some bones in his foot when he jumped off a loading dock during a chase and is in a walking boot. Mom's Man said they should have timed the fire drill on a calendar. Then he ran his fingers through his hair.

Mom asked her Man why we don't have any sets of twins on the Trenton Rangeman team. He said that there are sets of twins in other Rangeman offices but the situation has never come up in Trenton. So Mom asked the guys on fifth floor if any of them were twins or triplets. Brett said that he is a twin. Mom asked him if they were identical and he said no, that his sister had curly hair. Brett got squirt-gunned and Mom's Man's hair grew.

The best thing that happened this week was that Mom had Ella pack a picnic lunch and Mom, my Great Grandma Edna, and I went to a park to eat lunch. I love my Great Grandma Edna! We saw a woman walking a French poodle. Great Grandma Edna said that the poodle was checking out my package. WHAT? I have a package? Did Amazon deliver it? Mom said that's a talk I need to have with Dad Diesel.

After we got back, Lester asked Mom if Dad Diesel could yodel since he's from Switzerland. Mom didn't know but said she wouldn't be surprised if he popped in wearing lederhosen someday. Lester played a YouTube video of yodeling. It made both my ears perk up! I joined in and howled as loudly as I could. I think Mom's Man's hair grew an inch that time!

I've got to sign off now. I need a nap and Mom's Man is scheduling a haircut.

Remy