Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Janet Evanovich. The mistakes are mine. I am not making any money from this.
Even the Pup is an Unmentionable by Debra8652
Chapter 10
Remy's POV
Remy here, reporting for canine duty. I learn new stuff all the time! We just finished "Smack Lester Week." Mom said that it's not really a designated week because Lester says and does inappropriate stuff on any day of the week that ends in a "y".
Mom tried to get her Man to start a Rangeman drinking game (water, of course) whenever Lester did/said something inappropriate. Mom's Man said that no one would get any work done because everyone would be in line for the bathroom and that his water bill would be the size of the GNP of a third world country.
Here's a recap of the week:
Ella was putting out lunch for us in the fifth floor breakroom. Instead of bread, she set out some whole wheat buns for sandwiches. Mom was reaching across the table for one when Lester said "Nice buns - they look soft and fresh." Ella smacked him with a spatula.
The next thing happened in the gym where a 3-legged sack race was being organized as a team building exercise. Teams had to race the width of the gym while both team members had one leg in a canvas sack. Mom's Man gave Mom first choice of a partner. She chose Ramon because he is just a few inches taller than her and she thought that would help with their coordination. Lester started pouting and said that he'd be more than happy to jump in the sack with Mom. Mom's Man smacked him in the head. FYI, Mom and Ramon kicked butt in the race!
A bunch of Rangemen, including Mom and her Man, visited Shorty's one night after work. Mom was sitting on a barstool at a table when Ramon came up to sit beside her. When Ramon sat down, his barstool started to collapse under him. Mom grabbed him around the waist to cushion his fall. OK, so she smashed his face into her chest, but she meant well and he didn't get hurt. Ramon is lying there and slapping his hand on the floor, while saying something muffled like "You're smothering me." Mom told him that he should be glad it wasn't Connie or Lula or he would have been turning blue by now. Mom's Man yelled for Bobby Brown in case anyone was hurt. Mom did have her leg caught up under her barstool so she couldn't move until Bobby checked out her leg, which turned out to be fine. Lester sat down on the floor beside Ramon and started offering him increasing amounts of money to trade places with him. It sounded as if Ramon was saying "Go away, Santos" but it was still muffled by Mom's chest. By the time Lester offered to trade his classic Mustang to be in Ramon's position, Bobby yelled to Tank, that he and Mom's Man were busy and could Tank smack Lester. So he did.
Mom and Lester had just finished a sales call and decided to try out a new French bistro for lunch. Lester wiggled his eyebrows (Mom wondered if you could get carpal tunnel of the eyebrows) at the pretty waitress and said he'd like a quickie, to which Mom said "It's pronounced quiche, Lester!" Then she smacked him with her menu.
I've got to run now - Bobby is putting Lester through concussion protocol.
Remy