Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Janet Evanovich. Mistakes are mine. I am not making any money from this.
Even the Pup is an Unmentionable by Debra8652
Chapter 11
Remy's POV
Remy here, Rangeman Canine Unit, and all around Good Boy. My human parents are Diesel and Stephanie Plum-Manoso. The three of us have special abilities and can read each others' thoughts. Sometimes it's really funny, like when Mom said "I don't have any right now" and everyone on 5th floor just looked at her. Mom's Man, aka Carlos "Ranger" Manoso, just quirked an eyebrow at her. She said that she was answering Dad Diesel's question as to whether she had any open cases for Vinnie at the moment. Okay, so Dad Diesel just ESP'd the question to her and no one but the three of us heard it but Mom answered out loud! Mom's Man refers to the three of us as "dancing to music that no one else hears."
Rangeman's business is thriving due to Mom and Lester being the best sales team like, ever! Ram has been promoted to either help Lester with operations planning or to run it on his own if Lester is too busy with sales. He is doing a great job and is a really nice guy.
Dad Diesel is helping out at Rangeman this week due to staff shortages with more guys needed for patrols and monitor duty. Dad D has crazy skills. He heals really fast from injuries he gets while pulling the plug on people with special abilities who've gone rogue, but he's never been sick in his life! I heard a loud noise in the break room and Dad Diesel yell "SWEET THING"! Mom went running to see what happened. Dad D claimed that he was just refilling his coffee cup when his nose exploded. Mom is really good at solving mysteries, noticed that Zip had opened a new jar of powdered coffee creamer that had poofed, and convinced Dad D that his nose did not explode, that he just sneezed and needed nothing more than a handkerchief. Mystery solved.
Mom printed off a background check on a potential new hire, put it in the cloth bag that Ella made for me (with washable handles), and told me to deliver it to Tank. I whimpered a little bit. Mom knew what was wrong - the last time I was in Tank's office, one of his cats was visiting prior to a vet appointment, and turned my nose into Swiss cheese. Mom walked with me and showed me that there were no cats in Tank's office. Tank promised to keep his door closed if one of his cats was here. Good to know.
I am learning a lot this week. One of the new guys is from out of state and wanted to get rid of some stuff that he packed in his hurry to get here and asked Mom where he could donate it. Mom directed him to a White Elephant room that's next to the second floor supply closet. What! No one told me anything about white elephants! I watch Animal Planet - I can't herd those guys! Mom explained to me that White Elephant just means that items are unwanted and are available for anyone to take. Whew. Lesson learned.
The next lesson learned was "dog days of summer". All my days are dog days! I've had dog days of spring and summer so far and Lester told me that I would love chasing leaves and squirrels in the autumn and playing in the snow in the winter. He also told me that dog days of summer just means really hot summer weather from July to September where we live.
Mom's Man scheduled another team building exercise for Saturday - an 8-person team flag football game. Mom and Lester were captains of opposing teams. Tank was in charge of the rule book for any infractions that would undoubtedly occur, and Mom's Man was the referee, complete with whistle and a penalty flag that looked suspiciously like one of my tennis balls tied into one of my red bandanas. Bobby was there for any injuries or, more likely, fist fights.
Mom got to choose her team first. Of course, she picked Dad D plus Binkie, Caesar, Raphael, Ramon, Zip, and Zero. Lester's team included Hal, Cal, Vince, Woody, Junior, Manny, and Ram. Binkie was Mom's quarterback - he was a great athlete in high school. Dad D was the primary receiver - you can guess where this is going. Hint - it involves Tank and the need for a rule book. Dad D started his route down the field, popped out, and then popped back in, way downfield. Can you say touchdown? Mom's Man was holding the whistle in one hand and the penalty flag in the other while looking at Tank for a rule interpretation. Tank was rubbing his big hand over his bald head and trying to find a rule that applied. Mom's Man blew the whistle and dropped the penalty flag, which, by the way, bounced - yep, definitely one of my tennis balls. He penalized Diesel for a "personal foul - unsportsmanlike conduct." Dad Diesel claimed that he couldn't be penalized for being "differently present." I guess that's the current politically correct term for being invisible. Mom's Man threatened to eject Dad Diesel from the game but Dad Diesel asked him how he'd know if he was gone or not. Good question. Meanwhile, Tank is still reading the rule book. At least Bobby had a cooler head, took the rule book from Tank and threw it in the garbage bin.
Lester learned these lessons today: 1. There is no tackling in flag football.
2. There is especially no tackling of Mom in flag football.
3. There is especially no tackling of Mom in flag football when everyone is on the sidelines between quarters and just getting something to drink.
Dad Diesel agreed to be "visibly present" for the rest of the game. Lester had two of his guys cover him anyway, which cleared the field for Caesar and Ramon to run amuck downfield and Binkie had a heyday with his other receivers, while everyone kept an eye on Dad Diesel. After two quarters, Mom's team was ahead 36-0. Mom's Man said that, if it had been a boxing match, he would have stopped the fight!
Sunday was a noon cookout at the Manoso house in Newark. It's a tradition on the last Sunday before school starts next week. There were kids everywhere! Mom said it's called a Cacophony of Kids! It took me 20 minutes to get them herded into a corner of the backyard. I had the most trouble with the youngest one, who was only two years old and had long blonde hair. She just wasn't getting with the program! One of Mom's Man's sisters married a blonde guy, in case you're wondering. The little girl was barefoot so I couldn't grab her by the socks so I grabbed her by her Pampers, which came down around her ankles. Lessons learned: 1. Parents don't like it when you de-pants their child. 2. It wasn't a little girl! We all ate outside so there was a lot of food for me to clean up from the ground. I was tired after herding and eating so I slept all the way back to Trenton beside Lester in the back seat.
Faithfully submitted,
Remy