Disclaimer: All familiar characters belong to Janet Evanovich. I am not making any money from this. Mistakes are mine.
Even the Pup is an Unmentionable by Debra8652
Chapter 28
Remy's POV
There's a big Halloween costume party/political fundraiser in the second floor ballroom of the Governor's mansion on Saturday night. There are a lot of elections coming up next year - let the fundraising begin. The Governor and Mayor will be there as well as Chief Juniak. Guess who is providing security for the event? Yep. Undercover security at a Halloween party. Film at 11:00.
Tank is the lucky one - he is the Core Team member on duty at Haywood Saturday night even though Mom tried to get him to go as The Rock or The Incredible Hulk. Other than the four Rangeguys who make up two patrol teams, and the two guys on monitor duty and two guys as backup, only Tank and my Dad Diesel are at Haywood. That's a lot of Rangeguys at the party for the 300 guests that are expected. Dad D and I are in the breakroom watching the cameras from the mansion ballroom while Tank is communicating with Mom's Man via comms units.
Mom's Man and Lester are attending but not undercover - they are both in black suits. Mom's Man said that it's good to be him so he doesn't have to go in costume. I guess they could be Men in Black. The downside is that, if there is an emergency at an account, the two primos will get called out along with Ram, who is dressed as an Army sniper and Hector, who is dressed as Jack Sparrow. Yeah, their weapons are real and not costume props.
Junior is dressed as the devil and had some problems with his tail getting caught in the bathroom door, apartment door, stairwell door, SUV door, and elevator door at the mansion. I don't think he has a weapon unless he could fwap someone in the face with his tail or use the rubber pitchfork.
Woody is dressed as a cowboy since he already had the outfit. And his six-shooter is real. Ditto for Bobby Brown, who is wearing scrubs since he already had them.
Ramon and Mom are dressed as Sonny and Cher although Lester thought Ramon was Pancho Villa until Mom joined him and he saw them together. Seriously - Santos thought Pancho Villa wore a Nehru jacket? And a heavy gold chain? Ramon said he removed the chain from a swag lamp he found in a box in his grandma's basement. Mom is armed with a thigh holster and her Sig Sauer. Mom's Man is thoroughly checking out her evening gown/costume and weapon. This could take a while.
Hal is dressed as Winnie the Pooh. A really big Winnie the Pooh. Flash is Christopher Robin. Vince is Tigger - he also had tail problems. Brett is Eeyore and Binkie is Piglet. Manny is Kanga - I know for a fact that he has an arsenal in his pouch but he still made space for Roo.
Raphael is dressed as an artist complete with smock and beret. Caesar is dressed as a priest and is getting a lot of unholy looks from the women and several of the men. Rodriguez is dressed as a ghost with a sheet over his whole body. Poor Mom will never get a look at him.
Zip and Zero are dressed as mimes. Even I can't tell them apart from here. I hope they can escape their invisible box in time to have some refreshments.
The Mayor and his wife are dressed as Antony and Cleopatra. Chief Juniak and his wife are dressed as Bonnie and Clyde. The Fire Chief and his wife are dressed as Harry Potter and Hermione Granger. The Governor and his wife are dressed as Nick and Nora Charles. Shoot - I coulda been Asta.
Dad D and I had a few minutes to mind-meld while we watched the party. Mom already told him about some of my herding adventures that weren't actually necessary. Like when I herded all the Manoso-Santos kids into a corner of the yard at a family gathering. And when I sneaked into doggy day care and herded the pups who were there to socialize. And when I herded five Merry Men, my finest hour.
I fessed up and now he knows about me trying to herd ants when I saw my first anthill while Mom was walking me. That was hopeless. When we got back, Mom showed me a YouTube video about ant colonies. Wow! The military could learn from ants!
Then there was the time I was at my Aunt Valerie's house and watching while Angie and MA played marbles on the sidewalk. I failed to complete my mission of herding marbles. Likewise, when Ella picked up a bag of fresh cranberries but forgot that she'd already opened one end of the bag. Epic herding failure. At least the spilled cranberries got washed and fed to Rex and Freddy.
Back to watching the Halloween party. Some of the guys are visiting the food tables since they need to blend in as partygoers. Rodriguez only has eyeholes in his sheet and just stepped on Vince's Tigger tail. When Vince growled something, Junior turned around quickly and knee-whipped Woody with his devil's tail, which caused some green olives to roll off Woody's plate. I'm thinking herding olives wouldn't go well, either.
Mom's Man saw all this, closed his eyes and leaned his head (= banged his head) against the wall where he and Santos are standing. The primos are supposed to be scanning the scene for danger and not watching their own guys! Santos is frantically motioning for the guys to move away from the fish ice sculpture, which is shooting water into a fountain. This could get ugly. Who's going to protect Rangeman from Rangeman? Maybe Mom's Man will just write this off as a campaign contribution.
Whoa - what just happened? Someone tall in a Cat in the Hat costume just appeared without going through the double doors to the ballroom. Dad D just inhaled sharply, sat up straight, and then I heard a pop. Tank heard it from the control room floor and ran in. Great - I can't tell him what happened but I barked at the monitor where my Dad just appeared dressed as a waiter and carrying a relish tray into the ballroom. Dad found Mom and I read his lips - the Cat in the Hat guy is one of his Unmentionable skips - Dad can sense evil. Mom is immediately on board. Mom's Man looks concerned and he's thinking that Mom and Dad find as much trouble as Mom and Santos. Truth. Mom's Man, Santos, and Chief Juniak make eye contact and share a wtf look.
Mom bumps the Cat in the Hat guy to distract him but he sees my Dad and starts to run. Mom pulled on his cat tail to slow him down and Dad emptied the relish tray in front of him. Wow, I guess radishes and olives are treacherous when you're trying to run, as the guy falls flat on his face. My Rangeguys all react since they trust Mom and Dad. Junior sticks his rubber pitchfork into the Cat in the Hat's ass. Manny grabs his weapon and dislodges Roo from his pouch. Raphael slips on the radishes and his beret falls into the crab dip. Rodriguez tries to avoid Raphael but crashes into a real waiter, who is carrying a large bowl of cocktail sauce. Rodriguez's sheet is now covered in red sauce. Bobby didn't have a clear view of what happened but he assumes Rodriguez has been stabbed. The Governor's wife grabs Caesar as she assumes Rodriguez is hurt and needs last rites. Ramon takes off his swag lamp chain and pulls it around the Cat in the Hat's throat. Mom's Cher wig has fallen off and most of it slid under a buffet table. Mrs. Juniak screams that it's a spider and starts beating it with her clutch bag. Wow, this escalated quickly - please tell me we aren't going to have to rely on two mimes to yell for help. And, throughout all of this, Rodriguez's sheet stayed in place so Mom still hasn't seen him! Ok, things are settling down. Dad D strong-arms his skip out through the kitchen and we don't see them again.
This could be a PR nightmare. Maybe people can be convinced that it was an emergency preparedness exercise. Mom's Man will definitely decide this is a pro bono job.
A/N Thank you, GarbanzoBeans and Redickave.