A/N — we did a gift swap at my book club today. I got a wine glass that says "when I think about books, I touch my shelves." I laughed much too hard about that...which could be because of the wine. ;) xoxo — tmtcltb

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Chapter 2

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Tom stood leaning over the desk, hands balled into fists. Unable to stop hearing Sasha volunteering to participate in the vaccine trial for the deadliest virus known to man.

"I volunteer. After everything that we have seen in recent days, I doubt that Doctor Scott will have any trouble getting as many volunteers as she wants."

She had been looking directly at him, her eyes steady, not a hint of hesitation and Tom had forced himself to remain silent. Certain that anything he said would only hurt what little progress he had made getting Sasha to trust him — and wouldn't do a damn thing to change her mind.

Behind him, the door opened and closed. Tom didn't turn. "Did you volunteer because you feel guilty?"

"I suspect that question wasn't meant for me," Mike Slattery replied.

Cursing himself for assuming that Sasha would come find him — as though she hadn't been avoiding him from the moment she stepped foot on the Nathan James — Tom spun to face his XO. Mike raised an eyebrow, but Tom shook his head. "Sorry, Mike. I have a lot on my mind."

Mike settled himself into the chair across from Tom's desk. "We have to talk about Doctor Scott's proposal."

Tom busied himself with the small coffeemaker next to his desk, pouring cups of black coffee for both of them, knowing that Mike never said no to a good brew. "We've already put the crew through too much. It's only five days to Atlanta..."

"Six," Mike corrected, leaning forward to take a mug. "At flank speed, and assuming we don't run into the Russians or need to detour for any reason. Last communication from Command said that over five hundred thousand people were dying each day, and the numbers were rising. A six day delay translates to..."

"I know." This time Tom interrupted Mike. Three million people. He sank into his chair, taking a sip of his coffee before meeting Mike's gaze. "I won't ask the crew to do anything that I won't do myself."

"We both know that we can't have you out of commission if Ruskov shows up," Mike replied, tone even. "I offered to throw my name into the hat but Russ beat me to the punch. Cooper was right, by the way, Doctor Scott already has more than enough volunteers." Mike passed over a piece of paper and Tom skimmed it, realizing that in less than two hours, almost half the crew had volunteered for the vaccination trial. Mike continued talking. "I nixed a couple people who are critical to running the ship, Garnett and Bacon. Doctor Scott agreed to exclude Rios in case she needs his assistance. She's hoping to test around six people, to give a broad sampling. Assuming you count the Master Chief and Commander Cooper, she only needs four other volunteers."

Tom's hand tightened on his mug. He knew that this would be the outcome from the moment that Doctor Scott made the suggestion. But that didn't mean he had to like it. "Fine. But I don't want anyone to feel pressured. After Doctor Scott narrows down the list, I want Russ to talk to each of them and make sure that each person is volunteering of their own free will. If anyone wants to back out, we'll have Doctor Scott come up with some excuse for why they can't participate."

Mike leaned back, studying Tom as he sipped his coffee. "Are you worried about the crew? Or Cooper?" When no answer was forthcoming, Mike pinned Tom with a direct look. "It took me longer than it should have to put it together. I knew that I'd heard the name Zaslavsky before but I couldn't quite place it. Not until Benz told us that you knew Cooper's real name when even the team didn't."

Green knew. Tom had seen the flicker of recognition in Danny's eyes when Tom blurted out Zaslavsky back in Norfolk. The man had quickly recovered, introducing Sasha as Lieutenant Sasha Cooper, team liaison, but Tom hadn't been fooled. The passage of years and a name change were not enough to disguise the qualities that made Sasha unique. What Tom hadn't immediately understood was why she was there, but an hour spent grilling Green about the team was enough to convince Tom that Sasha's presence on the Nathan James was no coincidence. Allowing two civilian scientists to accompany the Nathan James to the Arctic during the testing of a highly confidential weapons system had puzzled Tom from the start, and Sasha's appearance convinced Tom that his instincts were right. There was more going on than a simple trip to the Arctic. Expecting Sasha to appear and read him in, Tom waited. Two sleepless nights passed before Tom realized that Sasha didn't plan on telling him shit.

So he called Jed.

In retrospect, Tom could see how odd it was that Jed gave him Sasha's file without protest, but he had been too distracted to notice the oddity. Part of Tom was still pissed at his father for not telling Tom about the threat of the virus but, in this case, Tom could also understand Jed's decision. Sasha broke the rules when she warned Jed and Jed needed to keep that line of communication open to ensure Ashley and Sam's safety, even if that meant lying to his own son. If their positions were reversed, Tom would have done the same damn thing.

Tom hated it when that happened.

Mike sipped at his coffee. "Jed mentioned her a few times. Something about her running circles around you from the beginning. You going to fill me in?"

Despite that being close to the last thing that Tom wanted to do, Mike deserved an answer — a truthful answer. Tom had been off kilter since the moment he laid eyes on Sasha, and Mike had been patient, not pushing. But after his conversation with Sasha the other night, Tom knew he could no longer trust his own objectivity. He needed Mike to be straight with him, and the only way that would work was if Mike had all of the information.

Tom leaned backwards, gazing at the picture of Sam and Ashley sitting on the corner of his desk. "Sasha and I met back in 1999, when I was in the States after my leg injury. She was still at the Academy, which I didn't know until after we started seeing each other. We were together for about a year. The end was messy."

Mike considered that information. "Messy because it was against the rules or messy because you screwed things up?"

Tom blew out a breath. "Both."

"She was the one who tipped off your father, wasn't she?" Mike asked, taking another sip of coffee. When Tom hesitated, his determination to be honest with Mike warring with his promise not to rat Sasha out, Mike put up a hand. "I get it, she probably broke a half dozen regulations sending him that message. Just tell her thank you. Christine said there was an outbreak of this thing at Lucas's camp program. If Jed hadn't convinced Christine to head to the mountains with them, Lucas would probably have been there. And you know that took some doing, given how much Christine hates the cabin."

Tom nodded grimly, having heard of too many similar close-calls. "Dad and Sasha kept in touch. You know how Dad is, unable to keep his opinions to himself about anything. I lost track of how many times he told me that I married the wrong woman and doubled-down on that mistake twice."

"Hey, you and Darien gave it as good a run as anyone," Mike protested. Tom gave him a level look. At best, Mike tolerated Darien, once explaining to Tom in a fit of honesty that he was afraid she would burst into tears if he told her his real opinion about anything. Mike shrugged. "Darien wasn't a bad sort. She was just so docile. Hard to imagine going from Sasha to Darien. Although it kind of makes sense now. You were rebounding and Darien is good at the whole coddling thing. I used to wish that would rub off on Christine a bit. It would have been nice to come home to a home-cooked meal once in a while rather than take-out boxes in the oven."

Ignoring Mike's comment about his wife — for all of his complaints about Christine's demands, Mike would have no idea what to do with a woman who didn't call him on his bullshit — Tom added. "I didn't know Sasha was joining the ship."

Mike snorted. "Yeah, I figured that one out pretty quick. Way you were cold-shouldering Green that first week, I thought that you were planning to turn us around and dump the whole team back at Norfolk."

Tom frowned at Mike. Had he really been that obvious? "Green has been an incredible asset this tour."

"I never said that he wasn't. But I also wasn't the one going over his file with a fine-tooth comb and second-guessing every op," Mike replied, eyebrow lifting.

Tom opened his mouth to protest, before closing it, silently acknowledging that Mike was right. From the moment Tom turned around to find Sasha and Green with their heads together, her hand on his arm, Tom had been wary of the younger man. Given that Green was obviously lying about what he was doing on the Nathan James, Tom felt justified in his initial suspicions. But even now, after Green had more than proven himself when taking out Tophet and saving the primordial, Tom found himself unable to relax his guard around the younger man. His perspective of Green inexorably mixed up with his feelings towards Sasha.

Strange how, despite moving on himself, Tom never thought about Sasha doing the same.

"Sasha was Naval Intelligence. There was no reason for her to be here," Tom explained shortly. "Plus, Green's team was completely overqualified. Things just didn't add up."

"I agreed with you that Green was acting a bit squirrely at the beginning but the situation with Foster pretty much explains that," Mike replied. Tom smiled as he recalled Green's face when he took the man on that first tour, informing him that Foster was going to be the team liaison. Mike took another drink of his coffee. "You going to share the joke?"

"Thinking about Green's face when I took him to CIC to introduce him," Tom explained. "I should have known then what was up."

"Yeah, you should have," Mike agreed, the question of why Tom hadn't noticed remained unspoken.

Tom cleared his throat. "Once I took a look at Green's file, it was pretty clear that this wasn't a run-of-the-mill assignment. I knew that something was going on, I just didn't know what."

Mike nodded, taking another drink of his coffee. "And when you asked Cooper?"

There were times when Tom hated having an XO who knew him this well. "I didn't ask. I knew that Sasha would tell me what I needed to know when I needed to know it. And she did."

That drew another raised eyebrow but Mike didn't push further, simply finishing his coffee and standing. "I'll tell Doctor Scott that the trial is approved and talk to the Master Chief. You, um, want me to make any suggestions to Doctor Scott about who to include in the trial? Or who not to include?"

Yes. The idea was tempting. Sasha would never believe it if he put her on the essential personnel list, but if Rachel told her that she didn't qualify, Sasha would never know. Except that she would — and she would never forgive him. "No."

Mike made his way to the door, pausing at the threshold. "For what it's worth, Tom, I think Jed might have been right about Cooper. There's a spark between you. And if I can see it, you know that it's pretty damn obvious."

Tom waited until the door was closed and he was again alone in his office. "I know."

xxxxx

Tom found Sasha in the helo bay, leaning against the wall as Rachel conducted preliminary examinations on the vaccine trial candidates. She didn't move when he settled next to her, arms folded across his chest.

Several minutes passed in silence before Sasha spoke. "If you're here to try to talk me out of this, don't bother."

"I'm not," Tom replied, studying Sasha from the corner of his eyes, noticing the almost invisible change in her jaw as she relaxed. He watched as Maya Gibson arrived in the helo bay to put her name onto the list. Tom frowned, recalling that Gibson's fiancée died from the virus. "Do you think that's a good idea? Letting Gibson participate?"

Sasha considered the question. "I think that she wants to do something, and this is the only thing that she can do."

"Is that why you volunteered? Because you needed to do something?" He replied, voice low.

"No," Sasha replied. Then she turned, facing Tom. "Did you know that there are only thirty-six women on this ship?"

Tom shifted so he was facing her as well, mentally calculating. "That sounds about right."

"Excluding Commander Garnett, who I'm assuming is on the essential personnel list," Sasha waited for Tom to nod in confirmation, "and Foster, who isn't crazy enough to volunteer and wouldn't be allowed even if she tried, that leaves thirty-four. Thirty-four women with their entire lives ahead of them. Rachel wanted three female volunteers. That's almost ten percent of the women on board. How could I sit this out when I'm the reason that they're here in the first place?"

"Being here could very well be the reason that they're still alive," Tom pointed out, hating the fact that he understood Sasha's reasoning. Her unwillingness to ask others to do something that she was unwilling to do herself. "The crew isn't stupid, Sasha. They've seen what happened to teams assigned to enforce the quarantine."

Sasha considered him for a long moment, before turning so she was looking out into the helo bay again. "How did Slattery talk you out of volunteering? Because I know you wanted to."

Tom turned as well. Watching when Maya Gibson moved away, immediately replaced by MJ O'Connor. "Ruskov is still out there. I know him better than anyone. Plus, Russ volunteered first."

Sasha's voice was quiet when she spoke. "For what it's worth, Tom, you made the right choice. This trial doesn't help anyone if we don't make it back to the States."

"I considered asking Doctor Scott to tell you that you didn't qualify," Tom admitted. "But I wasn't sure she would agree. I think she likes you better than me."

"She does." The corner of Sasha's mouth curled, her eyes lifting to his, so close that he could see every strand of her hair, every laugh line around her eyes. "Nothing to worry about, anyway. Think of this as a week-long vacation."

"Stuck in a fifteen by fifteen tent with six other people?" Tom replied, keeping his voice light. "Sounds heavenly."

Sasha chuckled. "Hopefully nobody snores."

O'Connor left, replaced by Senior Chief Lynn, and Tom made a mental note to ask Doctor Scott to strike Lynn from the list. After the loss of his daughter, the man was not in the right place to make this decision. Straightening, Tom paused, looking back at Sasha. "You'll take care of yourself?"

Their eyes met and held, until finally Sasha nodded. "I always do."