Winter's Echo
Chapter Twenty-One - Coming to Conclusions
Elsa could see the object of her affections through the opening of the tent. She was crouched over a bucket of water near the small fire peering at her reflection, holding her hair aside to get a better look at the deep bruising. Longing blue eyes took in the noaide's appearance, frowning slightly as some of the changes she saw in the woman straightaway. She looked thinner than she did the night the queen left; not sickly by any means, but not as healthy as she had been. Dark circles were visible beneath tired brown eyes, stark evidence that the queen was not the only one affected by their separation. She watched as Honeymaren prodded tenderly at the wound at her temple, wincing when she found the source of the blood. It was still bleeding, but only just. "Don't worry," Elsa said gently, a half-hearted playful tone in her voice as she announced her presence. "You're still as beautiful as ever," she finished with a small smile as she ducked into the tent and closed the flap behind her to ward off the chill for Honeymaren's sake. The noaide chuckled, though Elsa was pleased to see a very slight blush tinge her cheeks. "My my, Snowflake, you are feeling all sorts of dramatic chivalry today," she chided playfully. Though she said it jokingly, today's display cemented the Northuldran's guilty suspicions that Elsa was very much not alright. Honeymaren had no doubt the spirit queen was closer to a potentially life-altering breaking point than anyone was ready for, especially the reserved blonde.
A small smile tinged with sadness tugged at the corner of the queen's mouth at the affectionate nickname she had secretly come to love, reminding her of how desperately she had missed it. Pale cheeks tinted a shade of pink that Honeymaren had always found particularly fetching. Elsa cleared her throat, lifting her chin in an effort to regain some dignity. "Yes, well, when the situation calls for it," the blonde mumbled under her breath before walking over and placing her hand on the other woman's shoulder, guiding her away from the bucket of water with a gentle push. The tiny amount of force was more than enough to move the weak Northuldran, causing her to settle back into a seated position. The dark-haired woman watched Elsa quietly as she moved about the dwelling, picking up the bucket and placing it next to Honeymaren.
Elsa took a steadying breath before coming to kneel in front of her, reaching for a soft piece of cloth draped over the edge of the bucket. She dipped the cloth into the water, wringing out the excess before folding it up and turning back to Honeymaren. "Are you alright, Elsa?" the dark-haired woman questioned carefully. "It couldn't have been easy to see him-" Elsa just shook her head, cutting her off. "I'm fine," she muttered. "Hold still," she commanded gently, reaching out with her free hand and cupping the uninjured side of Honeymaren's face to hold her head still as she began to delicately clean the blood from her wound. Serious blue eyes, intent on their task, scanned her noaide's face for any spot she may have missed or, the Gods forbid, any other wounds.
Honeymaren took the hint that Elsa wasn't in the mood for conversation and let the subject of the brute king drop. The two women spent the next few moments in silence, the only sounds in the privacy of the tent being the crackling of the small fire and the intermittent splash of water as Elsa re-wet the washcloth. Occasionally, there was a small, icy crackle as a thin layer of frost formed on the wet cloth when Elsa chilled it before pressing the soothing cold to the slight swelling of the wound, eliciting a sigh of relief from the brunette. Eventually, the hand holding the washcloth slowed, gently dabbing a spot near Honeymaren's eyebrow before finally stilling as Elsa stared at the woman before her. She gazed into the noaide's eyes for a long moment with an unreadable expression on her delicate features, the thumb of her other hand absentmindedly stroking the soft skin of her cheek.
Elsa's mind was a whirlwind of chaotic half thoughts. All the mental discipline she had been groomed for her entire life seemed to elude her when she was around the Northuldran woman, like trying to catch a wispy mist in your cupped hands. By all rights and reasons it should be possible, but in the end it was always a fool's errand. She couldn't explain in words the depth of connection she felt to the beautiful soul before her, nor her untamable draw to all things that involved her. Elsa wondered if it had anything to do with Honeymaren's revered position as the noaide of the tribe and her own ascended existence as a spirit, but knew in her heart that it was much deeper and more profound than simple destiny. Destiny was far too trivial a way to describe the love she felt for the noaide. Destiny was what lay at the end of one's path; Honeymaren was the reason for Elsa's path. She was more than Elsa's destiny...she was her purpose.
Never before had the reserved queen felt so strongly for someone not of her blood. Even Kristoff took quite a while to worm his way into heart, greatly helped along by her beloved Anna. But this woman, who had been her first welcomed touch by someone not within her family had secured a place in her mind, heart, and very soul in a manner that even her many years of study could not be explained or reasoned away. She knew she loved Honeymaren in a way she could never love another in this or any other life. While her mind had rebelled against it for so long, her heart and soul couldn't deny the truth of it. She would go to hell and back for this woman with nary a glance at another path. And burn in hell she likely would, she thought as her eyes were inevitably drawn to Honeymaren's lips. Even now, all she could seem to focus on were the full, pouty lips that always seemed to have a special smile just for her...and how desperately her own missed them. What kind of a monster was she, to be tending to a wound she could have, should have protected her from and to think of nothing but her own heart's desires? Especially when Honeymaren had yet to give any indication of her decision; that itself was a question the queen was far too terrified to ask.
Chocolate eyes stared into darkening blue as Honeymaren watched emotion after emotion flicker across them, battling for dominance. Her face slowly fell as she recognized the all too familiar signs of the queen withdrawing into herself. It made her heart ache to see the other woman struggle to exist in her own skin so often, drowning in the recesses of her incredible, quixotic mind - even more so knowing it was the noaide's battle between her love and her duty that had set her on that path. Her healer's soul longed to reach out and touch the woman before her, wanting nothing more than to heal her torment. Never one to think twice about her instincts, for there was no reason to in her mind, Honeymaren reached out with one hand and gently cupped the brooding woman's pale cheek, brushing her thumb lightly across her cheekbone. The sudden touch made Elsa gasp ever so slightly, tumultuous eyes coming back into focus. Her hands recoiled from their absent minded tasks as though she had been burned and Honeymaren's soul instantly mourned the loss.
"I really am alright, Elsa," she said quietly, trying to sound as reassuring as possible. "There is no need to worry, I promise." Elsa sighed, turning her face away, her eyes becoming angry. "If I had arrived a few moments later, you wouldn't have been," she muttered darkly in response, tossing the bloodied rag into the bucket. "I should have been here, but I was selfish and I ran. Again. I should have guessed that word of the mists dissipating would have reached beyond Arendelle by now, especially after my abdication. I should have been ready," she said harshly, shaking her head. "But running is all I'm truly good at."
"Hey." Honeymaren reached out to her once more, firmly guiding the self-deprecating blonde's gaze back to her. "None of this is your fault, do you hear me? You saved us, Elsa - you saved me. You weren't late, you were there right when we needed you, like you always are. You're a hero," she said firmly, trying to get Elsa to look at her. Elsa's only response was a short, sarcastic scoff of laughter and another bitter shake of her head. "You wouldn't have needed saving if I hadn't left the forest defenseless in the first place." Honeymaren sighed sadly and ran her fingers through the blonde's hair to gently massage the back of her head. She pulled the despondent queen's head forward to press several lingering, loving kisses to her furrowed brow, continuing her finger's soothing ministrations. Elsa closed her eyes and slowly released a breath she didn't realize she had been holding. She could feel her tension begin to gradually melt away beneath the tan woman's warm fingers and lips and pressed ever so slightly into the affectionate gesture, craving the reassuring touch more desperately than she was brave enough to admit.
"Everything and everyone is alright," Honeymaren continued in a low, soothing voice, pulling back to gaze upon the troubled features before her. "Everyone except you." When the spirit offered no response, Honeymaren leaned forward, gently nudging her nose against Elsa's. "Look at me," she whispered imploringly. "You are always the villain in any story you tell yourself. Tell me why, Elsa."
Watery blue eyes finally opened to meet the imploring gaze of the noaide, who's heart instantly broke seeing the war being fought there. "Oh, Elsa," she whispered sadly, brushing the fingers of one hand across her cool forehead and tucking strands of white gold behind her ear. "How can eyes as achingly beautiful as yours hold such a raging storm within them?" she murmured. "Please...please tell me what's wrong," she begged. "Let me in. Let me help you." Honeymaren gave the struggling woman a few moments to collect her courage, watching with sad eyes as the queen swallowed dryly a few times before finally being able to speak.
"I'm the furthest thing from a hero, Maren," Elsa stated quietly with a shake of her head, reaching up to pull the warm hands from her face - she didn't deserve such a tender touch from the noaide while she selfishly ached for her so. She didn't have the willpower to pull away from the woman's touch entirely, however, opting instead to cradle them in her lap, staring down at their entwined fingers longingly. "When I left the forest, it was because I was too weak to accept that I had lost your love. Because of my weakness, you were very nearly taken from this world," she whispered, a slight panic starting to seep into her tone as already her emotions were getting the best of her. "I've broken my most solemn promise to my sister and to Arendelle by running away to this forest in the first place because of my selfishness. I handled Ulrik horribly and have very likely brought a war down upon our lands that will cost hundreds of innocent lives if I make another mistake, all because the thought that I almost lost you drove me to near madness. Now, here you are, injured and bleeding, and despite all of that, all of my failures and disappointments, all I can think about is-" she cut herself off then, biting her lip hard and shaking her head, unwilling tears finally leaking beyond her control and trekking down her pale cheeks. It was all she could do as the dam holding back all the stress that had been building over the past two weeks began to finally crack, spilling forth and leaving her heart raw and open for the noaide to see. A heart she knew to be flawed, damaged, and so very undeserving, despite her best efforts to simply exist without error in a world where she would forever be a dangerous misfit.
Ever the patient healer, Honeymaren leaned forward and simply pressed her forehead against the queen's. She delicately wiped the tears from Elsa's cheeks as they fell, murmuring reassuringly to the distressed spirit. "Shhh, shh, shh, you're alright, my love. It's okay, I'm right here," she whispered soothingly. She didn't ask the fragile woman to continue speaking or even try to get the tears to cease. They were long overdue, for these tears were borne of anger, desperation, loneliness, and a great deal of fear. The noaide wished more than anything to purge these feelings from the wintery spirit's world, but knew Elsa herself would have to choose to take that journey with her, first.
Elsa took several shaky breaths, trying to calm her frazzled nerves and regain some form of control over herself. She felt colder than usual. The fear of the selfish weakness she was about to reveal to her love akin to electricity shooting through her, causing her to tremble slightly. She desperately wanted to turn and run - to the forest, Ahtohallan, anywhere she could force distance from the loved ones she couldn't stop hurting. She took a slow, deep breath and steeled herself. She loved this woman and so owed her the truth, no matter the inevitable, heart-wrenching consequence to her own damned soul.
Finally, she reached up to capture Honeymaren's soothing hands once more in hers, guiding them to her lap and squeezing gently. She stared at them longingly, trying to memorize the sensation of Honeymaren's hands in hers. Long and slightly calloused fingers that were strong and sure enough to tame reindeer, tan hides, and stitch a wound but soft and feminine enough to soothe a nightmare, brush away tears, and make the blonde's heart flutter. Elsa painstakingly committed all of this to memory as she caressed them reverently, should she never feel the warmth of her gentle touch again. That thought alone caused such a tightening in her throat that she almost wasn't sure she would be able to speak.
"Despite all of that," she soldiered on in a voice barely above a whisper. "All I could think about since I came in here...is how desperately I want to kiss you." She closed her eyes tightly, her head lowering in shame. "I've caused absolute chaos, you sit injured before me, and all I can think about is...is taking advantage of you, knowing the position I've forced you in. A position that I've had years to work out and still stunts every aspect of my life and the lives of those around me," she trailed off, unable to form the words of apology she so desperately needed to convey. She wished she would stop shaking - how weak and flawed she must appear to the Northuldran. Honeymaren was always so calm and collected, so strong and confident; Elsa was nothing unless she was using her powers. She was nothing without her noaide at her side. "Gods, I miss you so much, Maren," she choked out. She was so selfish, so undeserving, so utterly unnatural, so-
"So, kiss me, Elsa."
Elsa's eyes shot wide open, her head snapping up so quickly it made the Northuldran's neck twitch. Honeymaren smiled sweetly at her, doe eyes twinkling with slight amusement at the queen's shocked, open mouthed expression.
"W...what?"
"Why do you think I was coming for you, Snowflake?" The woman in question's jaw worked up and down, attempting to form coherent words, but having extreme difficulty. It wasn't possible. Was she dreaming? Would she wake up in her bed in Arendelle and realize she had yet to return to the forest?
Honeymaren couldn't help the bright smile that spread across her face. She quickly regained her composure before responding seriously for the sake of Elsa's fragile state of mind. "Elsa...since the day you came to us, I've wanted nothing more than for you to kiss me," she confessed, holding the spirit's gaze confidently, trying to convey the truth of her words to the flabbergasted queen. "And I waited a long time for you to decide if that would ever be something you would want." Honeymaren blushed prettily then, her gaze suddenly shy, though her eyes never left shocked blue pools as she spoke again. "As far as I'm concerned...my lips have belonged to you and only you the moment you came into my life. They will always belong to you, Elsa."
Honeymaren watched Elsa closely as she saw her features morph from fear, to surprise, to confusion and disbelief, before finally settling on relief and cautious optimism. She shook her head slightly, a mildly perplexed look on her face at the rising, but still cautious hope in the twin chips of ice that stared back at her. She reached out to brush stubborn strands of white-gold bangs back from Elsa's face. "I'm so sorry for what happened, my love. I thought my destiny required me to choose between you and my duty and I spent...I have no idea how many days alone in the forest wrestling with that decision," she explained as she caressed Elsa's cheek with the back of her fingers. "Until earlier today when I stared across the fjord at the vastness of the wilderness around me and was reminded of how small we are. The world is not so fragile that either of us could not be allowed our humanity. Life is only as meaningful and purposeful as we make it...and you are the person that brings both to mine."
Tears flowed freely down the queen's cheeks, the growing smile of disbelieving hope on her face both lifting the heaviness of the noaide's heart and squeezing it painfully. She cupped Elsa's face in her hands, gently wiping away fresh tears as she leaned forward. "I'm yours, my sweet spirit, no matter the trials or tribulations that lie ahead of us. For the rest of my life, Elsa of Arendelle...I am yours," Honeymaren whispered lovingly against full, cool lips before pressing her own warm ones against them and breathing life back into the queen's tormented soul.
Elsa's heart soared to heights of happiness she didn't know existed. The utter exhilaration she felt building her ice palace, even the cathartic release of her discovery of Ahtohallan paled in comparison to the feel of her love's soft lips reuniting with her own. She could have sobbed out of pure joy if it didn't mean she would have to stop kissing the beautiful Northuldran woman. At the edge of her awareness, she heard a strangely familiar, squeaking kind of noise, but her brain was far too love-drunk to focus on anything other than the gorgeous siren in front of her. She pressed closer to her, trying to convey as much of the truth and longing in her heart as she could in this single kiss.
Honeymaren smiled slightly against the blonde's eager lips, ending the kiss only to kiss her again more firmly, her deep-seated hunger for the mythical woman beginning to rise. She lightly ran her tongue across Elsa's lips, begging permission to delve even deeper. When the blonde gasped at the sensation, she took full advantage and slipped her tongue past her lips, eliciting a quiet, wispy moan from the queen who was quickly losing herself to her growing passion. Finally, she was forced to break apart from the beautiful noaide to gasp for air, her chest heaving as she tried to regain her breath. Honeymaren's lips wandered passionately across her face and neck, alternating covering every inch of her flushed face with feather light brushes of her lips to hot, open mouthed love bites to her neck and pulse point.
With every touch of the brunette's lips, Elsa found it harder and harder to form a coherent thought. Her fingers threaded deeply into dark locks of silk, desperate for something tangible to cling to. "Maren," she whispered huskily, unable to form a thought of anything but the beautiful woman that filled her senses. So long she had feared the other woman's touch would remain only a memory, she decided then and there she would never deny it again. Honeymaren's heart fluttered hearing her name on the blonde's lips before she smiled mischievously, slowly brushing her lips first up Elsa's pale neck in a feather-light touch, then her attractively swollen, slightly bruised lips. Every few seconds she captured them once more in a sweet, entirely too innocent kiss, dancing away every time Elsa tried to deepen it. The blonde gave a slight, pouty whimper of frustration, hazy blue eyes opening and glaring their disapproval at the teasing.
Honeymaren simply smiled wider, lightly biting her bottom lip and relishing the way the tiny gesture caused her love's normally ice blue eyes, now a dark, stormy gray, to darken even further in desire. "Do you believe me now?" she asked teasingly. Elsa could only stare at her as the tan woman leaned her weight back on her hands. While she severely disagreed with the extra distance now between them, she couldn't help but notice how, at this angle, the firelight danced in her laughing brown eyes, making them appear to sparkle. So dazzled was she by the beautiful woman, all she could manage in response was a distracted "...huh?"
Honeymaren's eyes crinkled in amusement and she blushed under the queen's obviously approving, hungry gaze. She looked down for a moment, pink tongue darting out to wet her own kiss-plumped lips, feeling Elsa's intense eyes following every movement. It made her heart race impossibly fast to see plainly how much the magical queen, a goddess in her own right, desired her. It drew sharp attention to the tightening pressure she felt building in her lower belly the moment their lips first touched.
"Do you believe me now," she continued huskily, speaking slowly and deliberately. "When I tell you that I belong to you? To only you?" Elsa's throat went dry at that question, an intensity she had never felt before coursing through her. "Yes," she managed to whisper, her eyes never breaking their intense gaze. Honeymaren's smile turned sly, beckoning to her as she eased back on her elbows now, her lean, toned form stretched tantalizingly across the thick pile of furs she sat upon. "Then come, Snow Queen," she challenged in a low, seductive voice. "Come claim what is rightfully yours."
In that moment, a primal switch inside the blonde flipped. With nearly inhuman speed, the Northuldran woman found herself pressed back against the thick layers of fur, pinned beneath the queen's lithe body. Her surprised gasp was stolen from her lungs by a passionate kiss. Suddenly, she could feel Elsa everywhere. Eager hands, sure now of their desired path, roamed up and down her body, stroking, squeezing, and massaging as they went. One hand trailed up a supple arm to possessively pin the woman's hands above her head. Cool fingers of the other ghosted at the sensitive skin of her stomach, just under the hemline of her shirt, causing Honeymaren to break away from the mind-numbing kiss to throw her head back with a sharp gasp at the sensation.
Elsa's lips didn't miss a beat, immediately latching on to the newly exposed, vulnerable skin of her throat and sucking sharply while nimble fingers ducked beneath the fabric of her shirt. She slid her cool hand up a toned, olive-skinned stomach, between her breasts and up to her throat, lightly caressing it before coming back down to rest over her rapid heartbeat. She relished the feel of the now trembling woman's breath quickening, her own quiet panting against the noaide's neck fueling the fire in Honeymaren's belly.
Elsa lightly captured Honeymaren's lower lip between hers in a sweet kiss before raking her nails back down her toned torso, a tiny bit of her power pulsing beneath her fingertips and leaving thin trails of frost in their wake. Honeymaren arched her back into the touch, calling Elsa's name in a breathless cry. Elsa groaned at the sound of her name tumbling from the noaide's lips in such a way. Something looming in the back of the blonde's instincts began to shift in the queen then, quickly picking up speed and consuming all thought like an avalanche engulfing a mountain. She immediately claimed warm lips again, forcing her tongue between them possessively, the helpless whimper that emanated from the breathless woman only spurring her on. She wanted her submission, demanded it. Far too long had she denied herself her deepest desires before the noaide was nearly ripped from her life. Knowing now that she had a chance at this once impossible happiness, she would never allow it to escape again. She couldn't concern herself with things like self-restraint, patience, or breathing. She had to take what she could before the cruelty of fate took the Northuldran from her. Elsa's mind was reduced to a single, passion-hazed mantra.
'Mine.'
Honeymaren felt a rush of exhilaration at the normally submissive, uncertain queen's sudden possessive, take-charge confidence. She was more than willing to give everything she was to the winter spirit. Writhing beneath Elsa's magical touch, Honeymaren slipped her thigh between the woman's legs, eager to please the near-deity. Instinctually, the queen pressed down against the toned thigh and an explosion of stars dotted her vision. "By the Gods!" the blonde cried, her eyes widening in shock at the completely new sensation.
Suddenly, the primal haze that had clouded Elsa's mind cleared in an instant. She looked down at the flushed, rapidly breathing woman trembling beneath her, one hand beneath her shirt, the other pinning her arms helplessly above her head. Passion drunk chocolate eyes stared breathlessly up at her, hazy and unfocused. Elsa yanked her hands away like Honeymaren was made of fire, scrambling backwards and away from the prone woman as fast as she could, knocking the bucket of water over in her haste. Honeymaren sat up quickly, eyes wide upon seeing the look of horror on Elsa's face. One hand covered her mouth, fallen open in shock, while the other wrapped tightly around her middle in a defensive position; Elsa looked for all the world like a frightened child who was about to be sick.
"Elsa...?" she questioned gently, as though attempting to soothe a skittish animal. "Snowflake, what's wrong?" Her eyes followed Elsa's wide-eyed gaze, raking over what she was sure were numerous angry, red love bites she had moaned over not seconds ago. Honeymaren's heart beat wildly in her chest for an entirely different reason, now. Did she do something wrong? Did Elsa regret what had just happened? Her very soul tightened in fear at that thought.
"I-I'm so sorry, Maren..." Elsa choked out, snapping the brunette out of her panicked inner monologue. "I don't know what came over me. I can't even begin to tell you how sorry I am..." Honeymaren crawled toward her slowly, leaning forward until she was within reach of the skittish woman. She reached out slowly and deliberately, the way she would with a spooked reindeer, to grasp the wrist curled protectively around the blonde's middle, wanting to be sure she could prevent the flight-risk queen from running from her. "What are you sorry for, exactly...?"
The queen was shaking violently beneath her touch, looking at her with wide, disbelieving eyes. "Maren...I just...attacked you! I-I fondled you like, like some kind of...I...I didn't even ask if you...you're hurt and I-I just..." she sputtered out. How could this woman not see what a monster she was? She had pushed her, pinned her down, fondled her out of desperate, animalistic instinct and fear and-
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, slow down Snowflake! In what universe do you think I didn't absolutely love every single second of what just happened?" she interrupted the queen's frantic thoughts incredulously. When she didn't answer, she gave a disbelieving scoff. "Elsa, you can't seriously think I'm upset," she chided gently. Elsa just continued to stare at her, making it clear that she did truly believe she had committed some despicable act against her. Honeymaren's eyebrows furrowed in confusion. She didn't understand - everything was just fine until...
A light dawned in doe brown eyes. Everything was fine until Elsa was touched. Understanding began to unravel a piece of the spirit's mysterious, extreme reaction. Of course her mind would rebel against the sensation - she had clearly never experienced anything like this before. Not to mention that nearly the entirety of Elsa's life was spent fearing the loss of self-control above all else. Honeymaren chided herself inwardly. Being around the magical queen felt so natural it was easy to forget how different their lives had been before their paths crossed.
The Northuldra were a very open, accepting people, their nomadic and survivalist way of life placing far more importance on personal happiness and experiences that benefited the whole than in more "civilized" society. Elsa was born into a world of rules and restrictions, putting societal pretense, image, and tradition over her own basic needs. It didn't surprise her when Elsa had once admitted that she had never even shared a kiss with someone, let alone lain with anyone. Now, she wouldn't be surprised if the blonde had never felt any form of carnal pleasure, even by her own hand.
Her heart ached for her love. Once again, when confronted with experiences she couldn't control or understand, her brain convinced her that she was the villain, the monster directly responsible for any type of pain or discomfort. "Come here," she commanded softly, gently tugging on Elsa's arm. The spirit shook her head and turned from her, pulling away from the noaide's grip. She needed to leave, she couldn't possibly trust herself to stay after the sin she had committed.
Elsa looked at her wrist in surprise when her escape was halted by Honeymaren holding fast to her. She stared at her uncertainly, blue eyes anxiously flicking between the Northuldran's grip and the chocolate eyes she couldn't quite read. They stayed in this limbo-like position for a few moments until Honeymaren eventually felt the tension beneath her fingers ease as Elsa subconsciously stopped leaning away from her. When she was sure the queen wouldn't bolt from the tent, she gradually released her grip on her wrist and let her hand slide down slowly to lovingly entwine her fingers with Elsa's.
"Come here, my love," she repeated reassuringly. After a brief moment of indecisive hesitation, the blonde obeyed, allowing herself to be pulled forward to her knees in front of the noaide. Honeymaren used her free hand to cup Elsa's cheek, placing a very slow, deliberate kiss on shaky lips. She drew the kiss out for a long moment, feeling the nervous woman slowly relax until she eventually began returning the gesture with less and less hesitation.
After a moment, Elsa pulled away, shaking her head. Hadn't she just proved she didn't have any self-control? She couldn't be trusted with the gift of Honeymaren's affection, let alone her love. "Maren-" was all the blonde could get out before a whispered 'uh-uh' and another loving kiss silenced her again. Honeymaren ran her fingers through white-gold locks and Elsa sighed softly, melting under her soothing ministrations. Slowly, purposefully, she guided Elsa forward again, this time to lay the torn woman gently atop the pile of furs beneath them, flipping their previous position. She hovered over the blonde protectively, propped up on an elbow as she continued to kiss her slowly, softly. She would not make the mistake of allowing the insecure queen to become overwhelmed again.
She gently cupped Elsa's cheek, lovingly stroking her face with her thumb. She traced the blonde's brow line slowly, smoothing the slight remaining furrow there. Moving lower, she then lightly massaged along her jawline, gradually encouraging tense muscles to relax. Finally, Honeymaren laid herself gently atop the queen, slipping her free arm behind Elsa's neck and pulling her closer. She cradled Elsa's head on her arm and brushed her roaming thumb over the blonde's pulse point, causing the wintery spirit to sigh in contentment at the gentle pressure.
At last, Honeymaren could feel Elsa's pulse slow and she smiled slightly against supple lips, satisfied with her lover's calmer state. She pulled away from the kiss slowly, only to feather more of them across her face. Her sweet lips lingered on Elsa's eyelids, taking great care to kiss away the unshed tears that had pooled there. Honeymaren hummed softly in appreciation when Elsa began reciprocating the affectionate moment, reaching up to run cool, pale fingers through her dark tresses and pressing her forehead against hers, content simply to feel her noaide's closeness.
"I'm so sorry, Elsa," Honeymaren whispered sadly. "I've left you alone in agony and doubt and look what it's done to you," she said, pulling back a bit to stare into beautiful blue eyes that opened to look at her in confusion. "Terrified of your own feelings, doubting yourself and your worth...I've forced you right back where you started," she trailed off with a deep sigh. The queen immediately opened her mouth to argue, but was silenced by Honeymaren's lips capturing hers once more, her eyes fluttering closed again. Honeymaren didn't pull away until she was sure she had kissed the queen breathless.
"Elsa," she began softly. "I need you to believe me when I say there is not a single reality in existence where I didn't constantly daydream about exactly what happened." Elsa opened her eyes to look into Honeymaren's, and the Northuldran woman was happy to see not disbelief, but an earnest hope for comfort and reassurance there. "It's okay to be nervous, but absolutely nothing bad happened, my love," she said firmly, willing the blonde to believe her. "You are supposed to lose yourself to moments like that and I want you to. The point is to not think all the time." Elsa nodded slightly, accepting her words as truth, though it was clear to Honeymaren that this concept was easier said than done in the queen's mind. She had been raised to never lose control, after all, be it of her powers or herself.
Honeymaren made a decision in that moment; she would banish these demons of insecurity from Elsa's mind and end this dark, lonely winter's echo from her lover's soul. The poor woman had been through so much in so little time; since childhood, she had been forced to constantly fight against the world and herself. Between the distance from her sister, who had been her focal point of control, stepping down as queen, moving to the forest, the existential crisis of Honeymaren's position as noaide, and the recent high stakes conflict with Ulrik, the Queen of Ice and Snow was near a dangerous breaking point. A lesser person would have caved under the pressure long ago. Elsa desperately needed to give herself a chance to relax and process her emotions, lest they destroy her. More than that, she needed to unburden herself of the immense weight she forced herself to carry - she needed to let go.
"Do you trust me, Snowflake?" Honeymaren asked seriously. Elsa blinked up at her noaide in surprise. "With my life," she whispered back earnestly. Honeymaren smiled down at Elsa, running her fingers through her hair. "Come to me tonight, Elsa. I am going to banish these dark thoughts from your mind once and for all," she promised, pressing her forehead against her love's. "I am going to make you see how amazing and beautiful and worthy of love you are if it's the last thing I do." Elsa's eyebrows furrowed questioningly at her, but Honeymaren didn't give her a chance to think it over. "All I want you to know right this very moment are two things," she continued. "One is that I am in love with you. Madly, unconditionally, and in every sense of the word."
She stared deep into hopeful, trusting blue pools that begged her words to be true. "I am so very deeply in love with you, Elsa," she repeated in a slow, earnest whisper, willing the emotionally exhausted spirit to believe her words. Honeymaren allowed the queen a moment to let what she had said sink in and smiled to herself when Elsa's response was to lean up and ever so softly press her lips against hers, a kiss she returned happily.
"The second thing you should know," she spoke again when she broke away, this time with mirth tinging her words as she nuzzled the blonde's cheek, "...is that it has been MUCH longer than the ten minutes you promised...and your impatient ginger sister has yet to come see what has been keeping you," she finished with a wry smile. Elsa blinked in confusion at the sudden change in topic, then blushed scarlet as the horrible realization of what Honeymaren was implying became clear, her eyes growing wide with embarrassed horror.
The strange, familiar squeak she had heard when they had first kissed. Her passion-addled mind couldn't place it in the moment, but her cognizant, now paranoid, one definitely could - Anna's little shriek of excitement. Honeymaren laughed as she watched the queen put the pieces together. The nature of a nomadic life meant that she was much more aware of her surroundings at all times than the royal. She had been well aware of the redhead's presence during Elsa's confession. Since it seemed the younger sibling had no intention of intruding, she decided it best not to stifle Elsa's emotional catharsis.
When the emotionally astute redhead had put the pieces together and confronted the noaide about it in Arendelle, she had made no attempt to deny the truth of her assumptions; she knew already the younger sibling wanted nothing more than for the queen to be happy. Though their discussion wasn't the most awkward Honeymaren had ever had, it was definitely high on the list she remembered with a small grin.
The queen dragged her hands down her bright red face, embarrassment clear as the northern sky. "Oh Gods...she probably saw us-...saw me...when we were...by the Gods," she mumbled disbelievingly under her breath, much to Honeymaren's growing amusement. Elsa shot her a dirty look that lasted all of half of a second before it morphed into a look of loving exasperation. She scrambled to straighten her messy appearance, fingers combing through tousled locks and smoothing out any wrinkles she could find as she stumbled to her feet. She huffed as Honeymaren's teasing laughter followed her out of the tent as she went to find the no doubt ecstatic redhead.
'She is never going to let me live this down,' she thought and groaned aloud as she looked around to see if she could catch a glimpse of the redhead. She thought she heard what sounded like Anna's excited chattering farther in the distance near the main communal area. As she set off to search for her sister, she looked over her shoulder to see Honeymaren watching after her. She had laid on her side next to the fire, her head propped up in her hand.
When she caught the queen's eyes on her, she flashed her a smile that suddenly made Elsa feel like, this time, everything might actually work out - maybe, just maybe, she could be happy...fully and truly happy. The Northuldran blew her a kiss that tainted the blonde's cheeks a pretty pink before making a shooing motion with her hand. Elsa couldn't help the broad, genuine smile that lit up her face. A smile she realized that, for the first time, she had no desire to hide from the world as she finally turned away to track down her sister in the dimming light.
AN:
Happy Valentine's day, friends! Due to review responses, I've decided to change it up and be nice and not draw out their separation any longer.
As always, reviews drive my soul and encourage my writing. We have a twist and turn or two yet to ride (and maaaybe a rating change in the near future, what do you think?), but the story is nearing it's end - perhaps one of you may inspire me, as you have done in the past.
Wonderful Valentine's to you all!
-Volchise