Winter's Echo

Chapter Twenty-Four - Surrender

Honeymaren lay stretched out on the thick pile of furs that served as her bed staring into the crackling fire, her head propped up in her hand. Her hair was clean and free of debris once more, falling in dark waves across her back and shoulders to frame her pretty, round face. Elsa's breath caught in her throat as she stared at the beautiful woman, who looked up upon hearing the blonde enter. She flashed her a gorgeous smile and sat upright. "There you are, Snowflake. I thought you had forgotten about me," she joked playfully. Elsa smiled and came to sit next to her, her legs tucked beneath her. "Even with all the magic in this forest, such a feat would be impossible," the spirit replied, giving her a shy smile. Honeymaren chuckled and leaned closer to her. "Who knew you were such a flirt," she joked lightly before placing several sweet, chaste kisses on her temple. Elsa hummed softly in contentment, closing her eyes at the sensation. "Mmm, that feels nice," she said quietly. Honeymaren smiled softly at her, reaching out and brushing white gold bangs back from pale features. "I can imagine how stressed you must be," she said lowly. "Allow me to help my goddess relax."

Elsa rolled her eyes playfully before giving a small yelp of surprise when Honeymaren reached around her to hook an arm beneath her calves and pulled, uncurling them from underneath her and spinning her slightly to face the grinning woman. Feeling unbalanced, Elsa's arms instinctively shot out behind her to prop herself up while Honeymaren crossed her legs and guided the blonde's ankles and feet to rest in her lap. The Snow Queen blushed prettily when the Northuldran slowly ran the palms of her hand along the length of the toned calf of her left leg. When she reached her ankle, Honeymaren delicately cupped it before gently removing her icy kitten heel, pressing a single kiss to the tender spot between the ankle bone and heel before repeating the process with her right leg.

Elsa's blush deepened at the somehow intimate act, watching the woman's smooth, sure movements in quiet admiration. The blonde secretly envied Honeymaren in this way; the Northuldran was so confident, so comfortable in her own skin that it seemed as though she never second-guessed herself in any facet of her life, barring the moral struggle that had just rocked her very existence. It made everything she did that much more impactful in Elsa's mind, be it improving the battle plan of an experienced monarch or turning a single kiss to a pale ankle into an incredibly romantic gesture. Elsa found herself constantly in awe at Honeymaren's very existence and wished more than anything to be worthy of her.

She was brought out of her musings when said woman began to run her fingers and palms across every inch of her left foot, appearing to be searching for something. "W-what are you doing...?" the queen asked nervously, feeling twitchy at the slight tickling sensation caused by the woman's fingers. Honeymaren raised an eyebrow, the gesture quickly becoming her patented half-smirk that indicated bemusement tugging at the corner of her mouth. "Getting ready to rub your feet, isn't it obvious?" she asked, as though it was the most obvious thing in the world for her to be doing. Elsa cleared her throat, oddly anxious for reasons she couldn't fathom; it seemed that everything this enigmatic woman did reduced the monarch to a bundle of nerves. "Um, well, yes, but why are you- oh, Gods," the blonde suddenly moaned involuntarily when Honeymaren's strong thumbs ran up the length of the sole of her foot, pressing deep into the muscle there and creating a deliciously wonderful sensation.

Honeymaren chuckled at the queen, giving her a triumphant look. "That's why, Snowflake," she quipped before beginning to alternate strokes of her thumbs on the bottom of her foot and around her heel and ankle. Now expecting the sensation, Elsa was able to maintain more control of her reactions. Every now and again, however, the Northuldran's strong, skilled fingers were able to pull another begrudging moan from the blonde's lips. It soon became a fun little game she played with herself, finding great delight in crumbling the reserved woman's walls of self-control to dust.

By the time Honeymaren turned her attention to the other foot in her lap, the queen had begun to have difficulty holding herself upright. She had started the ordeal with her weight resting on her hands, but had now been reduced to being propped up only on her elbows, appearing to be losing that battle as well. The noaide smiled to herself, taking in Elsa's relaxed features. The queen's eyes were closed and her head lolled to the side to rest on her shoulder, having become heavy under the relaxing ministrations. "Lie down, my love," she encouraged gently. A single, icy blue eye opened to regard her groggily. "...I'm not...?" she mumbled dazedly, an adorably innocent smile tugging at her lips. Honeymaren laughed, shaking her head at the spirit's antics. "No, darling, not quite."

Elsa's smile widened at the endearment before she sighed and pushed herself back up into a seated position again. "No..." she began, a tinge of melancholy to her words. She rubbed her hands over her tired face and sighed wearily. "I should really go start scouting some places in the forest to set up the best plan of attack so I'm ready when Ulrik decides to come," she reasoned, the smile slowly falling from her face. She met Honeymaren's gaze and shrugged, what was left of her small smile turning apologetic. "A Spirit's work is never done," she attempted to joke. Honeymaren raised an eyebrow, but simply shrugged in response and stood up, offering her hand to the blonde.

Elsa sighed and reached up to take the offered hand, gathering the will to drag herself from her seated place of relaxation and into the responsibilities of a leader once more. The moment she grasped her noaide's hand, however, Honeymaren spun on her toes to move behind the still-seated blonde. The move drew Elsa's own arm across her chest, the simple maneuver effectively preventing the queen from standing. The Northuldran then sat directly behind her with her legs on either side of the confused monarch. Warm, toned arms completely enveloped Elsa from behind, crossing her chest in an X shape with a hand resting on each of her shoulders, keeping her surrendered arm pinned to her chest. "Yeah," Honeymaren said plainly. "That's not gonna happen."

Elsa sighed deeply and let her head fall back to Honeymaren's shoulder, fighting to find the motivation to leave the incredible sensation of the woman's loving embrace. "I have to, love," she mumbled, even as she turned to gently nuzzle her noaide's neck. She took a long inhale, breathing deeply of her lover's natural smell of fresh wood, leather and an unnamable scent that reminded Elsa of a crisp wind. She sighed tiredly. "There's so much work that need still be done," she tried to reason. Honeymaren simply gave the blonde a loving squeeze. "Nothing that need be done tonight," she stated matter of factly. "Tonight, you belong to me. Tonight, you are under my care - heart, mind, and soul." Elsa gave a quiet chuckle, though her eyes drifted closed as she simply continued to breathe in the comforting presence of her love. The queen knew she was just procrastinating, as the last thing in the world she wanted to do was leave that tent. Though, somehow, she couldn't bring herself to feel guilty about it. "Is that so?" she asked in a playful, skeptic tone instead.

Honeymaren nodded, planting a kiss to the queen's temple. "Yup," she answered, removing her arms from their restrictive embrace to place her hands on either side of the winter spirit's neck where she began to push provenly skilled fingers into the tense muscles of pale shoulders. Elsa groaned her approval, her head suddenly feeling heavy against the Northuldran's shoulder. She was wise to Honeymaren's tricks, however, and recovered her senses after a short moment. "Oh no you don't," she said as she began to lean forward and away from her lover. She had to admit, she was genuinely surprised when Honeymaren held fast, legitimately preventing the queen from rising. "Maren, I told you, I have to..." she tried to reason once more, a bit more authority in her voice. Honeymaren was unfazed and unmoved, prodding gently at a particularly tense knot that pulled another involuntary groan from the blonde. "And I told you no," she countered. "You really need a break, Elsa. You need to rest and you're not giving yourself any chance to do that."

'No' was not a word the monarch was used to hearing and the queen couldn't help the feeling of indignant righteousness that niggled at her. "And just what is it that gives you the authority to determine what I will or will not be doing, exactly?" she asked, unable to help the bit of iciness that slipped into her tone. Though she didn't appreciate Elsa's veiled attempt to pull rank, Honeymaren couldn't help the small smirk that graced her lips behind the miffed queen. Sometimes it was fun to irritate the blonde, though she would never let the feeling linger; she also knew the great amount of stress Elsa had been under was likely responsible for the testiness. "The fact that I love you more than the sun loves the flower. More than the ocean waves love the sandy shores and the wispy clouds love the mountain peaks," she said genuinely. "You chose me loving you as Elsa over me serving you as a spirit. Me fighting for you instead of obeying you is the consequence of that choice, Snowflake."

Elsa stilled, feeling the mood instantly shift as she turned her head to silently meet Honeymaren's serious gaze. Honeymaren searched the queen's eyes for a sign of understanding or agreement, sighing softly when she found neither. After a moment of thought, the brunette glanced around the edge of the lavvo and smiled when she found what she was looking for. She took her hands from Elsa's shoulders to reach out and grasp a long and narrow strip of hard, thick leather Honeymaren had been working with to turn into reigns as well as her dagger. Honeymaren offered the leather to Elsa, who raised a single eyebrow in confusion. "I'll show you. Take this and pull it taut out in front of you," Honeymaren instructed gently, holding it closer to her. While the confused look never left the queen's face, the spirit took the length of leather and did as she was asked, holding it out in front of her and pulling it tight. Honeymaren unsheathed her dagger and placed her arms on either side of Elsa once more, lightly running the blade along the strip of hide. "Tighter, Elsa," she whispered to her. "Pull until you can hear the strain." Elsa took a steadying breath and once more did as she was told, pulling until she heard the leather begin to creak in protest.

"Elsa, you are one of the most amazing people I've ever met," Honeymaren spoke gently into Elsa's ear, resting her head lightly against the blonde's. "You are strong and confident; able to carry an unfathomable amount of responsibility and burden. Yet, you are also incredibly soft and flexible; able to accomplish an infinite variety of tasks...just like this leather. And, just like this leather, you are under a great deal of strain, constantly pulled tight between the person you are and the person you think you have to be." When Elsa's arms began to shake slightly with the strain of her task, Honeymaren continued.

"Just as you hear and see the strain of the leather now, so do I see and hear the strain in you, my love. I hear it in your voice, see it in your eyes, feel it when I hold your tired body in my arms...my soul feels it, Elsa. I also see the suffering the constant stress puts on both versions of you, just like your shaking arms. They grow tired and weak, for neither they nor the leather are getting the break, the rest they need." Honeymaren placed the blade on the leather strap once more, encircling Elsa's waist with her free arm. "You have been pulled this tightly since that night in the ballroom as a child, Elsa; and because you will allow neither your heart, your mind, nor your soul to rest, you are forced to endure everything life throws at you in a constant state of strain. Like the loss of your parents." As she said this, Honeymaren slowly dragged the sharp edge of her blade across the leather, leaving a small notch in it.

Elsa gasped slightly at the action, reflexively loosening the tension on the strap and turning to meet Honeymaren's eyes. The noaide simply looked back at her, doe brown eyes warm, but serious. "Pull it tight, Elsa," she instructed quietly. The queen bit her lip, but did as she was told, pulling the strap tightly once more and watching it with bated breath as it creaked and groaned once more.

"Then, your coronation," Honeymaren continued softly. She nuzzled Elsa's temple in silent apology as she created another small slice on the other side of the leather. "Then, the winter." Another slice. "Hans." Another. "Trying to rule a kingdom full of people with so little exposure to them." Another. "Ahtohallan's calls." And another. "Coming to the forest, discovering the past, abdicating the throne, leaving Arendelle, fearing you would lose me, Ulrik..." Over and over Honeymaren's blade bit into the leather strap until a single tear escaped from the corner of Elsa's eye. Honeymaren tossed the dagger away from them and wrapped her other arm around Elsa as well, pulling her close against her. Warm lips gingerly kissed away the tear in apology, continuing to feather light, reassuring touches across her temple and cheek.

"Elsa," she continued quietly, looking at the blonde whose eyes were fixed intently on the now jagged strip of leather in front of her. "If you continue to pull so tightly, what do you think is going to happen?" Elsa swallowed thickly before answering. "It's going to snap," she whispered. "That's right," Honeymaren agreed with a small nod before she placed her hands on Elsa's shoulders and lovingly ran them down the length of her arms. When she got to her hands, she gently removed the leather from her grip and began to manipulate it into a braid in front of her, speaking soothingly to her as her skilled fingers worked. "But that doesn't mean that hope is lost, my love. Or even that the damage cannot be repaired. All it means," she said slowly as she pressed the ends of the leather into Elsa's palms once more, "is that we need only loosen the pressure for a short while so that what was hurt may heal and become stronger."

Elsa held up the strap of leather to inspect the braid Honeymaren had tied. The jagged, nearly destroyed section of the hide was lost, indiscernibly woven throughout the braid. "Go on," Honeymaren encouraged gently. "Pull as hard as you can, Elsa." Blue eyes looked uncertainly at her, but she only nodded and offered a reassuring smile. Elsa took a deep breath and pulled at the leather once more, surprised to find the material entirely unyielding. She blinked and pulled again as hard as she could this time with the same result. Honeymaren placed a soft, tender kiss to Elsa's temple, wrapping her arms around her once more in a loving embrace.

"You are my light, Elsa...the single most important person in my life. It is my job in this tribe as the noaide to repair damage, seen and unseen, before it leaves a permanent scar - and I've spent every single day for the first couple of months caring for you from afar, learning what I could do to help you. I learned what calms you, what makes you smile or laugh...what hurts you, what makes you fret and overanalyze and brings you stress. These last few months I'd finally been able to slowly ease some of this great burden from you, but it's all come rushing back at once. You are very near a painful breaking point, my cherished one. It is my duty, both as the noaide and as someone who loves you very deeply to take you far away from that moment. I can only do that if you let me, Elsa." With that, Honeymaren pressed another soft kiss to Elsa's temple and once more began to diligently massage the tension in the queen's shoulders.

Pale features softened, touched deeply by her love's earnest words. She looked down at the braided leather in her hands in contemplation. "But Maren," she began softly as she set it aside, wanting to reassure the woman that she had been groomed to handle such stress all her life. "Really, I'm-" she tried to finish, but was immediately interrupted. "No," the noaide stated firmly. "You will not lie to me and say you're fine. We both know you aren't, Elsa. Don't insult me so."

Though there was no malice or venom in the patient woman's voice, the sudden firm stance from the normally passive Northuldran took Elsa aback. She realized in that moment that she had genuinely upset the woman and it cut her to the quick. She wracked her brain to pinpoint what exactly she was guilty of when it abruptly clicked and fell into place. Scene after scene played in her mind's eye of Honeymaren gently attempting to comfort her, relax her, and encourage her to take care of herself. Times when she was so busy seeing to every little problem she encountered that she forgot to even eat and the empathic noaide had forced her to sit down with hearty bowls of stew. Moments when she was so tired she may well have fallen asleep standing up had the caring woman not ushered her to bed and tucked her in.

Shame filled her when she realized the most recent time she brushed the caring woman's concern and thoughtful acts aside was just moments ago, when the incredible stress of her position weighed her down so detrimentally that simple, caring touches reduced her to near shambles. Even now, as Elsa reflected on how dismissive she had unintentionally been of her lover's efforts, Honeymaren silently continued to devotedly search her tense shoulders and neck for stubborn knots. She turned her head away from the dark-haired woman to prevent her from discovering the hot tears of shame that were quickly beginning to well behind her now tightly closed eyes.

After a moment of silence, the Northuldran sighed, her soothing touch stilling before disappearing altogether. The absence of the touch the blonde was now so keenly desperate for caused her hidden tears to form faster. She gripped the bottom of her sleeves hard into her fists, trying to control her rising emotions as Honeymaren stood up. Tears instantly began to fall at the loss of her noaide's warmth and Elsa felt genuinely cold. Not the debilitating cold she experienced at Ahtohallan, but the gut wrenching cold when warmth was possible and oh so close...just not for you.

"Well," Honeymaren said in a slow, defeated tone. "You win, I guess...since relaxing seems to no longer be an option tonight, I guess we may as well do some of that scouting you wanted since you are most definitely not going alone." Honeymaren ran her fingers through her hair and took a deep breath in an attempt to calm her own disappointment - her plan for the night had gone horribly awry. "I'll go prepare a couple of torches." As she stepped toward the opening of the lavvo, a sudden freezing chill blew past her. She blinked in surprise to find the entrance abruptly blocked by a thick wall of snow. She stared at it, mouth agape for a moment before turning to look at the source.

Elsa knelt on the pile of furs now, her hand still hanging in the air from its magical gesture. Though her face was hidden by a curtain of white-gold locks, Honeymaren instantly recognized the distress of the queen's body language. The blonde's head hung so low her chin was undoubtedly touching her chest, her shoulders hunched. Even several feet away, the Northuldran could see the queen trembling.

"Please...please, don't go..."

The whispered words unfroze Honeymaren as she immediately returned to her love, falling to one knee before her. She reached out to touch the queen only for the blonde to shake her head and shy away from her touch, the trembling of her shoulders intensifying. "Elsa?" she questioned in a worried tone. Elsa looked tearfully up at the noaide then, several fresh tracks marring both of her cheeks as she desperately peered into the Northuldran's eyes. "I'm sorry, Maren," she whispered, her voice bordering on panic. "I'm so, so sorry...you've been trying so hard to take care of me and I keep stupidly dismissing your efforts. You've done nothing but try to love me and I keep making that impossible task just that much more absurd, a-and...and..." Elsa began to break down into a full sob at the unintended confession and Honeymaren swore in that moment that she felt her very soul break at the sight.

She reached out to the spirit once again, following her movements when Elsa reflexively, but half-heartedly shied away until the crying woman allowed Honeymaren to cup her tear-stained cheeks. The broken queen placed both of her hands over the brunette's, leaning desperately into the touch as she anxiously searched chocolate eyes for any signs of forgiveness or understanding, crying even harder when she found nothing but love and concern in their sweet depths. She flung herself forward into Honeymaren, wrapping her arms around her neck and burying her face into the crook of it, sobbing silently. The force knocked the Northuldran off-balance and onto her butt, but she didn't miss a beat as she wrapped her arms protectively around her love, peppering gentle kisses to whatever part of the queen's head she could reach in the tight embrace, rocking the distraught woman gently.

A whispered mantra of pleas for forgiveness and confessions of love was all that passed Elsa's lips for several long moments. Honeymaren simply continued to rock back and forth, pressing her lips against the queen's head, neck, and shoulders and cooing gentle words of reassurance and love in her ear. When Elsa seemed to have calmed slightly, she released her for the briefest of moments only to hook an arm beneath the blonde's knees to drape them over her own leg, pulling the woman closer to cradle her protectively against her. Honeymaren sat patiently with her lover, knowing full-well that this extreme reaction was largely the culmination of all of the stress and repressed emotions of the past couple of weeks the noaide had just been warning her about.

Finally, when the queen's shaking subsided, she pulled back to look into Honeymaren's eyes, gently caressing her cheek as she studied calm, tan features with painfully sad, red-rimmed eyes. Though she said nothing, the Northuldran was an expert in the 'unsaid' category, especially when it concerned the reserved queen - she could see a goodbye in the icy depths. "Hey," she said gently, reaching up to wipe away a few remaining tears with her thumb, a small, reassuring smile on her lips. "I'm not going anywhere, Elsa." The blonde just continued to stare at her love, memorizing every feature of the beautiful Northuldran's face.

"I don't deserve you, Maren," she whispered sadly. Tears she thought had been long spent began to well once more, though she didn't bother to try to hide them this time. She was quite ignorant of her previous follies, but she did learn from her mistakes and this night taught her she was completely incapable of hiding anything from the observant Northuldran. "I'm too...broken. You deserve so much better than this...this emotionally stunted, wreck of a person..." Honeymaren simply smiled and raised a bemused eyebrow. "I deserve better than you?" she asked incredulously. "A brave, loyal, selfless, devoted, loving, magical, breathtakingly beautiful queen, recently promoted to goddess? You flatter me, darling."

Elsa frowned, shaking her head. "I'm serious," she said hoarsely. Honeymaren pressed her forehead to Elsa's affectionately, looking deep into sullen blue eyes. "So am I, Elsa. No one is perfect, but you are as close to it as I've ever experienced in my life." When the blonde's gaze dropped away, the Northuldran hooked a finger under her chin to gently guide it back. "I need you to believe me, my love. You've spent your entire life trying to care for everyone and everything but yourself and it's hurt you so, so deeply. All I want from this life is to help you see how wonderful you are...why to even be near you is to love you, and that you deserve all of it. Please..." she pleaded quietly, stroking her thumb across a pale cheek. "Let me show you, Elsa. Let me show you how to let go."

The pair searched each other's eyes for a quiet moment, dozens of unspoken words passing between them. Her voice having abandoned her, Elsa finally nodded; shyly at first, then more vigorously as she mentally and emotionally committed to Honeymaren's request. The noaide's lips immediately captured the queen's, a sudden and intense feeling of possessive protectiveness washing over her. This woman may be a broken mess, but she was her broken mess and she was going to make sure the blonde knew once and for all the truth of this. There was nowhere the queen could go, no difficulty, pain, torture, or danger she could endure where her loyal noaide would not willingly follow. Tonight, she was going to show Elsa what it was like to surrender to her most unyielding enemy - herself.

AN:

This is it, fam! Last chapter before the rating change. Any advice? Suggestions? Encouragements?

Until next time! As always, reviews fuel my soul and Winter's Echo lives and dies by your love. 3

-Volchise