Winter's Echo
Chapter Thirty-Seven – Ahtohallan's Will
"Elsa, what am I supposed to tell everyone?" Anna asked, throwing her hands up in the air in exasperation. "Three dozen soldiers saw Honeymaren turn Ulrik into a flaming kebab on our lawn and carry you up a slide of ice like Kilimanjaro and I'm, what, supposed to act like that didn't happen when the council comes looking for answers?" Elsa winced slightly as she moved her legs over the side of the bed, the deep gash in her calf sending a painful twinge up and down her leg. "Three dozen soldiers saw Revontuli, the bounty hunter," Elsa countered, waving a hand down herself slowly as her light blue icy traveling outfit appeared. "And from behind either a curtain of rain during a deluge or from behind a flame if your recounting of the scenario is correct." The blonde queen raised her head at the sound of the door opening and her breath caught in her throat when Honeymaren walked through the bedroom door, having gone to her old room to retrieve a change of clothes. The dark-haired woman had changed into fresh clothes, wearing a dark blue tunic with silver trim and dark breeches with a dark brown leather belt tied at her waist. Honeymaren smiled warmly at the queen and her blatant ogling, winking and blowing her a quick kiss. Anna's giggling shook Elsa out of her reverie, her face burning with a light blush. She cleared her throat, turning her attention back to Anna's question. "Besides, don't you think if anyone had suspected Honeymaren was alive Mattias would have beaten down my door by now?"
Anna threw her hands up in the air in defeat before crossing them over her chest and pacing back and forth across the room. "Even so, Elsa, that means that the firefox, who the entire kingdom thinks is a criminal, by the way, killed Ulrik right in our garden and disappeared with the unconscious monarch of Arendelle!" Elsa sighed, running her fingers through her hair. "Anna, you're just going to have to hold them off. Maren and I will be back as soon as we can, but the longer we are here the more likely it is for someone to discover her." Elsa looked at her sister pleadingly. "Please, Anna, I need you to do this. The more people she recognizes and that recognize her, the more pain she's going to be in." Anna's eyes instantly softened and she sighed, dropping her hands to her sides and nodding. "Well, it looks like all my practice talking people in circles is finally going to be put to good use!" she said with a smirk and a wink to Honeymaren. "Honestly, I'm curious about Nokk and the saltwater versus freshwater thing, too, you make some good points when you ramble," Honeymaren said with a grin, referring back to the conversation between the sisters she had overheard the night before.
Elsa rolled her eyes and pushed herself off of the bed, crying out softly and stumbling when her injured leg didn't bear her weight as well as she thought it would. Honeymaren was at her side in an instant, strong arms steadying her for a moment before lifting her up entirely and depositing her gently in a chair. "Let me see, sweetheart," she said gently as she knelt on one knee in front of the injured queen, lifting her leg carefully with one hand, her other beginning to glow a warm pink. Anna and Elsa watched on in fascination when Honeymaren slowly ran her palm from Elsa's ankle to her knee, the calf of the queen's icy legging disappearing as it passed. The dark-haired woman frowned at the now larger and darker red stain on the queen's bandages and gently ran her hand along the length of Elsa's calf, eyes flicking up when she heard a quiet hiss of pain. She propped Elsa's foot on her knee and began to undo her bandages with sure, practiced movements, her frown deepening at the angry red around the deep gash. "Hey Anna," she called, looking over her shoulder. "Can you find me a medical kit? I need to change these." Anna nodded, concern alight in her teal eyes as she rushed out the door, leaving the pair alone.
"Elsa," Honeymaren began gently, placing her hand on the queen's knee. "You really shouldn't be moving around a lot with an injury like this. You've been through a lot these past couple of days alone. I can go by-"
"You're not leaving me," Elsa interrupted, her hand shooting down and grasping Honeymaren's tightly. Honeymaren frowned at the sudden fear she saw in her lover's arctic gaze and the desperation she heard in her voice. "Hey," she said reassuringly, guiding Elsa's injured food aside carefully before leaning forward and cupping the queen's face in her hands, pressing her forehead against hers as tears welled in blue eyes. "Hey, now, it's alright, Snowflake," she cooed soothingly. Elsa's hands came up to cover Honeymaren's against her face as she closed her eyes, trying to slow her breathing and her suddenly racing heart. "I-I'm sorry," Elsa whispered, swallowing thickly. "You just...please don't leave my side, okay?" she asked with a quiet whimper, a single tear escaping her as she gazed imploringly into her lover's eyes. "I just...need you to stay close to me."
Honeymaren smiled warmly, her thumbs soothingly caressing the winter spirit's cheek and wiping away the tear that fell as she pulled back just enough to look into stormy blue eyes. "Elsa of Arendelle, beautiful goddess of ice and snow..." she trailed off, one hand reaching up to brush a lock of hair from the queen's face and tucking it behind her ear. "My dearest wife..." she continued as her thumb teased the corner of full lips, causing them to tug into an adoring smile. "There she is," Honeymaren said with a bright smile. "Now," she asked lowly, her thumb slowly brushing across Elsa's lips, the queen's eyes falling closed as her heart began to race for an entirely different reason. "Why would I ever want to be anywhere other than as close to you as possible?"
Elsa's eyes darkened slightly as they flicked between Honeymaren's loving gaze and full, kissable lips. A light blush graced pretty, pale features as she realized her heart was not the only thing that desperately missed the dark-haired beauty before her. She wanted to capture those lips with her own and never let her go, to whisk them both far from all of this insanity and guard her jealously away from the world. Instead, she swallowed her desires and exhaled slowly, managing a shaky smile before nodding in understanding. She almost lost her resolve when Honeymaren leaned forward to kiss her softly, her arms winding gently around the dark-haired woman's neck as she melted against her. Elsa laid her head on her love's shoulder when Honeymaren pulled away and wound strong arms around her waist, sighing in contentment as she was pulled close.
"I love you, Elsa," Honeymaren whispered gently into white-gold locks. "And I promise, once all of this confusion and fear is behind us, you and I are going to go somewhere for a few days, just the two of us...and I am going to spend every moment of every one of those days proving to you just how much I love you. After all," she said as she pulled away, flashing a roguish grin at the blushing queen. "We haven't had our honeymoon, yet." Elsa's blushed deepened to a bright scarlet, but she laughed a bit anyway, brushing the back of her fingers against the dark-haired woman's cheek. "I think we need to have an official wedding before I get that luxury, my love," she said with a small smile.
"Then let's do it."
Elsa blinked, icy eyes flashing to warm chocolate with surprise and uncertain hope. "Really? You...still want to?" she asked in a whisper, nervous eyes suddenly searching and causing Honeymaren's brow to furrow in confusion. "Of course, Snowflake," she said, tilting her head. "Why would you think-" Honeymaren's question was cut off when Elsa's bedroom door opened.
"I got it!" called Anna as she entered the room, shutting the door behind her. She began hurrying toward them, pausing as she felt the tension in the room. "Is...everything okay?" she asked uncertainly, glancing back and forth between the two. Elsa smiled at her sister, nodding reassuringly as she leaned against the back of the chair. "It's fine. My leg just hurts," she said quietly, only half lying. Anna looked skeptical but mercifully let the subject drop and handed the medical kit to Honeymaren before standing next to Elsa and putting her hand on the blonde's shoulder comfortingly. Elsa smiled and reached up to grasp the redhead's hand in her own, leaning her head against her forearm as Honeymaren opened the kit, pulling out a roll of clean bandages and a salve.
As Honeymaren tended to her wound with gentle touches, Elsa took the opportunity to gaze at the beautiful dark-haired woman who captured her very soul, their interrupted conversation racing through her mind. She thought back to the first few days after Honeymaren's funeral as more and more details that had been kept from the blonde came to light and painted the bigger picture. Perhaps the most earth-shattering of those details had been that the noaide had known she was going to die. The last day they had spent together, when they had made love in the valley...when Elsa had asked her to marry her - through it all, Honeymaren had thought they were their final moments together and her mind raced at all the possible implications of that truth as she watched the Northuldran tenderly wrap her wound. Honeymaren had hesitated when Elsa asked for her hand, a fact the blonde had been too nervous to linger on as she nearly begged the woman to be her wife and all too happy to forget when the noaide had finally said yes. Elsa's heart clenched painfully in her chest. Maybe...just maybe Honeymaren was just trying to make her happy, thinking she would never have to go through with it. Now that the dark-haired woman had a chance at a full, long life, maybe she didn't want to spend it with the magical queen who kept putting her in positions to cut it short.
Honeymaren's hands suddenly froze in the middle of tying off the bandages, her head snapping up to stare intensely at Elsa. The queen gasped at the dark intensity of those eyes, subconsciously gripping her sister's hand a bit tighter when a sudden flare of pink and purple flashed across them. "Honeymaren? Are you okay?" Anna asked slowly, eyeing the suddenly tense woman. Honeymaren continued to stare straight into Elsa's eyes as she answered. "Yeah. I'm fine," she responded curtly before finally breaking Elsa's gaze and tying off the knot with a tight snap. "All done." She grabbed the open medical kit and stood, walking over to the desk and placing it on the desk to begin repacking it. Something on the queen's desk caught her eye, making her pause in her movements. Her eyes squinted before lighting with recognition as she eyed the familiar handwriting on the front of the still-sealed letter.
Her letter.
Elsa never read it.
Honeymaren snapped the medical kit shut with a loud snap, latching it closed and turning to see Anna helping Elsa up out of the chair. "What's the plan?" she asked, keeping her voice carefully neutral. Elsa only met her eyes briefly before they flicked away again nervously. "I...figured we could go out the escape tunnels. They are used to get the royal family out in case of invasion. One leads out behind the castle and right up against the waterline. It's going to rain soon, which will make it hard for anyone to see us riding Nokk out of the fjord." Honeymaren nodded in understanding, glancing out the window at the quickly approaching storm clouds. "Where is it?" she asked, turning her attention back to the queen. Elsa merely pointed to her large wardrobe and Honeymaren raised an eyebrow before walking over to it, studying it carefully. The piece of furniture was far too heavy for the petite queen to move, which meant...
Honeymaren opened the large doors and pushed the hanging clothes aside, finding a barely noticeable rectangular outline in the back panel. She leaned forward and gave it a firm push, her eyebrows shooting into her hairline when it opened into a large, dark hallway of stone. "Are you sure you can handle this, Anna?" Elsa asked as her sister helped her over to the wardrobe. "I should be the one asking you that," the redhead said with a smirk, looking pointedly at Elsa's leg.
"I won't let anything happen to her."
Both women looked up upon hearing the resolution in the dark-haired woman's voice. Honeymaren pulled all of the clothes out of the wardrobe and laid them neatly on the bed before she walked up to Elsa, unreadable chocolate eyes meeting nervous blues. A peal of thunder rumbling out across the fjord made all three women look to the window as it heralded the first drops of rain, the pattering sound growing quickly by the second. "That's our cue," Honeymaren said, dipping down wordlessly and scooping Elsa into her arms. The queen gasped softly, her arms instinctively wrapping around Honeymaren's neck and holding on tightly as the dark-haired woman spoke to her sister. "We'll be back as soon as we can, Anna. Make sure this door is closed behind us, yeah?" Anna nodded dutifully, giving a small wave as Honeymaren stepped into the wardrobe, being very careful not to jostle Elsa. "Be safe," she called as the door of the passageway swung closed behind them.
They traveled in silence for several minutes, the only words passing between them being when Elsa needed to direct her which way to go. Elsa could sense the intense tension rolling off of her lover in waves and it made her nervous. What had she done...? She could somehow feel the hurt and anger in the noaide as clearly as she had felt her pain when they kissed, but she couldn't recall having said anything to upset her so. A few times she opened her mouth to ask, only to lose her nerve and close it silently once more. Finally, they descended a long, winding stone staircase that led to a nondescript wooden door. Honeymaren nudged it open gently with her foot and the women were instantly assaulted by the smell and sound of heavy rain. Wordlessly, Honeymaren walked them into the rain and began to wind through a series of large boulders that disguised the entrance to the castle and would lead them to the fjord. Even in her agitated state, Honeymaren subconsciously hunched her shoulders to shield Elsa from the majority of the rain.
Just as Elsa was about to call for Nokk, Honeymaren came to a stop. Elsa blinked and looked up at the dark-haired woman, water from the heavy rain creating small rivers across angrily set features as dark eyes stared, unseeing, at the water ahead. Without a word, Honeymaren turned around and headed back for the boulders. "Maren?" Elsa asked, her heart suddenly beating out of her chest anxiously as Honeymaren gingerly set her down on a small, flat edge of a boulder easily twice her height before beginning to pace slightly. Something was very wrong. "Maren," she tried again, hating that her voice cracked. "What's wr-"
"How could you possibly think I wouldn't want to marry you?!"
Elsa gasped at the dark-haired woman's sudden outburst as Honeymaren rounded on her, her eyes dark with anger and full of hurt. Elsa's mouth opened and closed helplessly, her eyes wide and lost with confusion – how could she have known that? "W-What are you-" Honeymaren held her hand up, cutting off the queen again. "I've not lost my powers as a noiade, Your Majesty," Honeymaren snapped. "If anything, they're more acute now than ever before. Even if they weren't, the clear surprise in your face and the sheer doubt in your voice when I suggested we actually do it..." Honeymaren laughed, though there was no humor in her icy tone. "That screamed louder than any voice I could have heard in my mind. Do you really think it's possible that I only said yes because I wouldn't live long enough to go through with it?!"
Elsa looked away, biting her lip against the guilty tears that were already falling as Honeymaren walked up to her and stood only inches away, dipping her face down to try to catch the queen's gaze. "Elsa, losing you is the only thing I've ever been truly terrified of," she said, her voice becoming hoarse with emotion. "Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to leave you?"
"Then why did you do it?!" Elsa suddenly yelled, pushing the dark-haired woman away from her as angry tears streamed down her face. Honeymaren stared at her with surprise for a moment before her eyes softened – she knew this had been coming. She could sense the nameless uneasiness within the queen from the start, and now Elsa was finally ready to release it. Elsa swallowed a sob and slid off of the rock, turning away from her for a moment before rounding on her again with an anger that had been building since Elsa had learned the truth of what had happened. "We were supposed to be partners, Maren! You knew every terrible, horrifying detail of what was going to happen and you kept it from me! You never even gave me a chance to help you or comfort you, or the Gods forbid, protect you. You never gave me a choice! You just left me to watch you die and I never even got to say goodbye!" she screamed at her before she broke down in angry sobs, falling back against the rock. "I never got to tell you goodbye," she whispered through her tears again and again.
Without a moment's hesitation, Honeymaren walked up to the distraught woman and wrapped her arms around her tightly. Elsa yelled at her to get away with a voice full of anger but void of conviction, pushing and striking at her violently but with no strength, and Honeymaren held her ever tighter until Elsa finally collapsed into her embrace. The rain drowned out her cries as the queen wept loudly and openly, clinging to her soaked lover like the lifeline she was as Honeymaren whispered apologies to her over and over, holding her close and pressing soothing kisses everywhere her lips could reach.
Honeymaren once again scooped Elsa into her arms, walking back to the castle and sitting with her against the shelter of the castle wall where the rain was only a mist – they clearly were in no shape to see Ahtohallan until this was cleared up between them. This pain had clearly been building for a long time within the overwhelmed spirit of winter. "Is that why you didn't read my letter?" Honeymaren asked quietly as she cradled the crying queen against her. "Because you were angry with me?" Honeymaren felt Elsa's hands clench the fabric of her tunic into shaking fists, the distraught blonde burying her face against her chest and shaking her head vehemently. "No!" she cried desperately. Honeymaren placed one hand comfortingly on Elsa's head, shushing her quietly as she cradled her head against her.
"Why didn't you read the letter, Elsa?" she asked when Elsa's sobs finally quieted, pulling back to look into glassy blue eyes. Elsa shook her head bitterly and looked away, ashamed of her outburst. Honeymaren had loved her so much that she willingly, knowingly sacrificed her life in the most horrific way imaginable just to give her a chance at life and Elsa had just screamed at her, blaming her for her loss. She was a horrible wreck of a human being that didn't deserve a damn thing from the woman that held her so lovingly and quietly began to move out of her embrace. Tears threatened to overtake her again when those warm, strong arms refused to let her go, pulling her even closer. "No," Honeymaren said gently. "I'm not letting you go. Ever again," she vowed quietly, one hand reaching down to cup the queen's cheek and guide watery blue eyes to hers. "Elsa...you have to believe me when I tell you that you are the most important thing in my life. You are my life; it would be meaningless and empty if I spent it without you."
Without a second thought, Honeymaren leaned in and kissed the winter spirit fiercely, trying to convey through touch the depth of her devotion her lips could not express in speech. Elsa's eyes slid shut, her body melting against her lover's as Honeymaren poured every bit of love and longing she had into the kiss, refusing to pull away until she felt the blonde begin to tremble. Honeymaren pressed her forehead against Elsa's, panting softly and capturing her lips again and again in soft, tender caresses, willing the blonde to believe in her love. "We are going to go to Ahtohallan," she stated firmly. "And we are going to get my life back, because you promised to spend yours with me." She gave the queen a playful grin, nudging her cheek with her nose. "And you're not getting out of it now. You're stuck with me, Snowflake."
Honeymaren stood, offering her hand to the queen with a warm, loving smile. Elsa took it after only a moment's hesitation, allowing the dark-haired woman to pull her up and hold her close against her, one arm wrapped around the queen's trim waist and other tucking a wet lock of white-gold behind her ear. Honeymaren pressed her forehead against Elsa's, warm brown eyes shining with love and understanding. "And when we come back," she continued in a low, soothing voice. "We are going to burn that letter together. Do you know why?" Elsa closed her eyes for a moment, taking a shaky breath to collect herself. Honeymaren waited patiently, holding the spirit of winter close in a loving embrace as the rain fell around them. "Why?" Elsa asked in a quiet voice, opening her eyes again to search hers imploringly. Honeymaren placed a slow and soft, tender kiss upon her lips before pulling back with a smile. "Because I'm right here with you. And I'm never going to say goodbye to you again."
Elsa closed her eyes, tears leaking beyond her control as a smile slowly spread across her features. She nodded fervently, winding her arms around Honeymaren's neck and kissing her deeply as she felt a weight being lifted from her heart. She had warred with her feelings for so long after the noaide's death, she hadn't realized the bile they had turned to gall inside of her. She had felt so guilty for the anger she felt toward her then-late lover that she had never lingered on them long enough to work through them, instead wrapping them and all the confusion and pain they caused her up with all of her other agony, letting it slowly rip her apart. When they finally broke the kiss to come up for air, Honeymaren grinned and pulled the queen close. "There's my Snowflake," she whispered with a small, breathless chuckle. "There she is." Elsa couldn't help but laugh a little and reached up with one hand to wipe the tears from her eyes. Honeymaren intercepted it, pulling it to her lips and kissing her knuckles softly before reaching out and wiping away the queen's tears herself, caressing her face adoringly. "Come, my queen," she said gently. "Let's go see my Mother-in-Law."
The ride to Ahtohallan was rough, even rougher than it had been the first time Elsa had made the journey. The recent storm system had agitated the waters of the Dark Sea, so much so that Honeymaren, who normally had a strong constitution, found herself nearly sick from the jostling upon Nokk's back. When they finally reached the shores of the icy fortress, Honeymaren climbed off of Nokk unsteadily, holding her hand over her mouth for one uncertain moment before calming her writhing stomach and helping Elsa down from the watery steed's back. *Are you certain you will be alright, mistress?* Nokk asked in a worried tone, nuzzling Elsa's cheek affectionately. Honeymaren wrapped her arm around Elsa's shoulders and smiled reassuringly. "Do not worry, Great Spirit. I've got her," she said confidently, nodding her head in respect. Nokk whickered in approval, nodding his head in return. *As always, the mistress could not be in better hands than yours, brave warrior,* he said before nuzzling the blonde once more and disappearing into the waves.
Elsa blushed a bit, turning her head to look at her lover with a warm smile. "Nokk approves greatly of you, you know," she commented in a soft voice. Honeymaren smirked a bit, wrapping her arms around Elsa's waist and pulling her close. "I'm glad I can speak with him now, but I'm curious. Did that approval come before or after he knew I was bedding the fifth spirit?" she joked playfully, wiggling her eyebrows suggestively. Elsa gave the dark-haired woman a sly smile despite the burning of her face, her hands playing idly with the strings on the front of her undershirt just below her collarbone. "Wasn't it you yourself that said I was gifted to you when you took my virginity, Northuldran?" she asked in an attempt to be playfully seductive, though the smile did not entirely reach the queen's eyes. They were both stalling and they knew it.
Honeymaren sighed softly, pulling Elsa closer to her protectively. Her eyes fell closed as her lips found the winter spirit's forehead, breathing deeply of the calming scent of winter before nuzzling her temple gently. "Elsa...no matter what happens in there...I want you to know that-" The words were halted on Honeymaren's lips when Elsa pressed her own gently against them in a soft kiss. "You promised you wouldn't say goodbye," she said quietly and Honeymaren could tell just how nervous the queen was...and how brave she was trying to be for her. Honeymaren put on a brave smile and playfully bumped her forehead against Elsa's. "Never," she said gently. "What I was going to say was that you shouldn't plan on getting away with any crazy ideas while we are in there. I saw those stepping-stone pillar things you made in a deep dark cavern and you are so not doing that again. Ever. Never ever, even."
Elsa couldn't help the sudden laugh that escaped her, closing her eyes and shaking her head before wrapping her arms around Honeymaren's neck and hugging her fiercely, burying her face in her neck. The dark-haired woman pulled the winter queen close, relishing the feel of the petite woman in her arms and committing every detail to a memory she wasn't sure she would be allowed to keep. She didn't know what lay in store from them in Ahtohallan's icy heart, but she did know two things for sure. One was that being with Elsa, protecting her, loving her was her destiny, her purpose, her reason for existing - this is where she belonged.
The second was that it would take all the strength the Mother Goddess had to rip it away from her.
"I love you, Elsa of Arendelle," she said gently as she pulled back from the embrace, staring deeply into crystalline blue pools hardening with determination. "I love you, Maren," Elsa said with a clear, determined voice, mirroring the defiance Honeymaren felt in her soul. While both hoped for the best from the normally benevolent Great Mother, both fire and ice were prepared to go to war for the other's soul, if need be. "Come on," Honeymaren said quietly as she lifted Elsa into her arms once more. Elsa bit her lip slightly, her fingers slipping beneath the thick silky curtain of Honeymaren's hair and playing with the fine baby hairs at the base of her neck. "As much as I appreciate the closeness, I am capable of walking, you know," she murmured quietly, knowing it was only a half-truth. If they wanted to get to Ahtohallan's core before they died of old age, this was really the only way.
Honeymaren smiled a bit, tightening her hold on Elsa in defiance of the queen's statement as she climbed the icy path into the ice caves. "Do not worry, my goddess. When we get back from this, I'm going to make sure you get back into a healthy enough routine that the task wouldn't be quite so easy," she said in a pointed tone. At Elsa's guilty silence, Honeymaren arched an eyebrow and looked down at her lover. "Did you think I wouldn't notice how much weight you've lost, Elsa? Or how weak and exhausted you are?" Elsa shook her head and sighed softly, the arm not wrapped around Honeymaren's neck fidgeting nervously with the ties of her shirt. "I couldn't sleep," she mumbled in her defense. "I haven't had a good night's sleep since..." she trailed off, closing her eyes as her heart began to beat painfully in her chest thinking about it. The hand playing with Honeymaren's shirt slipped beneath the fabric now, cool fingers splaying across the dark-haired woman's chest and pressing against her heart, feeling it's comforting, strong rhythm there and willing her own to match it.
Honeymaren's brow furrowed in concern as she gazed at her love, glancing up only to ensure they were continuing the correct way, mindful of the gorge that would soon be upon them. "Anna said you were having nightmares." Before Elsa could say anything, Honeymaren was assaulted by horrible images that instantly replayed in the queen's mind, the terrors that had starved her of sleep and sanity. She nearly stumbled to her knees when a particularly graphic one of Ulrik involving Elsa chained to a bed gripped her mind. She stopped in her tracks, staring down at Elsa with wide, disbelieving eyes. "Elsa..." she breathed, trying to process the echoes of sheer terror she had just felt from the queen. Elsa's eyes widened a bit as what Honeymaren had said during their argument in Arendelle clicked in her mind. Honeymaren's combined powers had allowed the already empathic woman to read her that much more clearly before and they had just done so again. Elsa's eyes immediately lowered in shame and a sliver of fear, realizing what it was that made her react so. She suddenly felt dirty, diseased – unworthy of being held so lovingly by the beautiful dark-haired woman, the fear of rejection real despite knowing logically there was no reason for her to feel such a way. Honeymaren swallowed thickly, trying to will calm and reassurance into her voice as she asked the question she was terrified to hear the answer to. "Did...did he..."
Elsa sniffled and exhaled shakily, vehemently shaking her head. "No," she answered desperately. "I swear, Maren. He tried, but Gustav stopped him. I fought him so hard, I'm sorry, I-" Honeymaren shushed her gently and stopped, the memories in Elsa's mind too disturbing for even her to power through. She sat down and leaned back against the wall of the ice tunnel so she could cradle Elsa in her arms, pulling her as close as possible. Honeymaren rocked the winter spirit slowly in her arms as she sensed the beginnings of a panic attack in her lover. "Shhh, sweet spirit. I'm right here. I've got you," she whispered soothingly to her. "It wasn't your fault. I'm not going anywhere. I love you so much, Elsa." She whispered these phrases over and over again, even after the queen's erratic breathing had calmed. While she knew logically Elsa understood the truth of her uttered reassurances, she also knew that trauma had a way of preventing logical reasoning from being applied to oneself. Honeymaren bit her lip hard enough to draw blood to prevent her own tears from falling as she felt the fear and pain and disgust for herself in the queen's heart.
Elsa felt dirty. Ashamed. Weak. The winter spirit felt an unfounded but deep and painful guilt for the forceful caress from hands that did not belong to Honeymaren and for the foreign lips that she had been unable to escape. She was ashamed of the weakness that had almost allowed her special gift that was meant only for the noaide to be sullied by the likes of the brute king. Honeymaren pulled away just enough to meet Elsa's haunted blue eyes, one hand slowly and soothingly caressing her cheek. "Elsa...I need you to know that this doesn't change a single thing about how deeply I love you. I can't imagine how scary and confusing this has all been for you, but I need you to trust me when I tell you that I'm not upset with you." Elsa nodded slowly, but Honeymaren forged ahead, pressing her forehead to the queen's and running her fingers through her silken locks. "I can feel your fear, my love...the pain this has caused you. Your mind is lying to you, Snowflake, and I will spend the rest of my life erasing that lie from your mind and your heart. But, there is something you need to know."
Honeymaren pulled back to gaze into beseeching blue eyes, her own full of loving conviction. "I will not have you without the darkness that hides within you, Elsa. Nor would I allow you to have me without all that is dark inside of me. Our demons are just as much a part of us as our angels, sweet spirit. Everything that has ever happened to you has shaped you into the woman I love more than anything in this world. It doesn't matter how broken or jagged you think your edges are, because I was born to fill your missing pieces. Whenever you feel like there is a hole inside your soul, a hole so big that there is no filling it - when you feel like it's forever going to be a part of you, remember that you are never, ever, filling that hole alone. This is my vow to you, Elsa of Arendelle. It doesn't matter how long it takes – I will never stop filling that hole with all of the love I feel for you. I will love you every second of every moment of every day...and, one day, we will walk across the chasm together. That hole will have vanished because you will have learned to love yourself as much as I already do."
Elsa gazed upon Honeymaren with indescribable, almost disbelieving awe, her hands slowly caressing the dark-haired woman's cheeks. They stayed that way for a long moment, Honeymaren allowing Elsa as much time as she needed to let all she had told her to sink in, her own heart feeling lighter by the minute as she felt the queen's fears begin to ebb away. "Are you sure you are real?" Elsa asked in an astonished whisper, half playful, half serious. Just as Honeymaren opened her mouth to make a teasing comment, both women's eyes widened when they heard a melodic voice singing softly.
"Come, my darlings, homeward bound...you are found."
Honeymaren and Elsa glanced at each other one last time before Elsa nodded resolutely – it was time for them to face their fate. The dark-haired woman stood with the queen in her arms once more before continuing down the tunnel. When they reached the seemingly bottomless cavern, Honeymaren gave Elsa a pointed look full of stern disapproval. With a small, sheepish smile, the blonde waved her hand to create a sturdy ice bridge across the cavern and to the other end of the tunnel. In just a few moments, they entered the eerily quiet heart of Ahtohallan, stepping tentatively into the cavernous area. Honeymaren set Elsa gingerly on her feet, but kept one of Elsa's arms around her neck while the other wrapped around her waist, both supporting the spirit of winter and keeping a protective hold on her. Honeymaren wasn't sure what Ahtohallan had in store for her, but she wasn't willing to take the chance of being separated from Elsa again – ever.
"You have done well, my children. I'm proud of you."
Both women spun around at the sudden voice, coming face to face with the calm, approving smile of Iduna. "Mother..." Elsa whispered, her eyes wide and disbelieving as she stared at her mother. Every other time she had been to Ahtohallan, her mother had appeared as nothing more than an image in the ice; never before had she seen her with what looked to be a tangible form. The queen leaned a bit heavier on her lover as the unexpected sight took a greater toll on her heart than she could describe. She looked just as she had the last day Elsa had seen her.
Honeymaren dipped her head in reverence before speaking for them, knowing Elsa was not ready to. "Great Mother, I have done all you asked and have returned to you as requested." Iduna closed her eyes for a moment in what appeared to be concentration before opening them again, a look of impressed surprise on her features. "You have remembered much, Revontuli. You are truly impressive. My heart breaks for the agony you surely have suffered," she said gently. Iduna approached Honeymaren and laid a hand on her head, closing her eyes once more. Honeymaren gasped deeply in relief as the constant thrumming of pain behind her eyes suddenly disappeared, looking at the deity before her in disbelief. Iduna smiled warmly, her hand falling from Honeymaren's head to rest gently upon her cheek. "The strength of love you have for Elsa is astounding, brave noiade. For it to have given you strength and relief enough to be so close to her is truly beyond what I had dared to hope for. I am sorry that this relief is only temporary and will last only as long as you remain in my presence."
"Why is she in such pain?" Elsa asked shakily as she finally found her voice. Iduna turned crystalline blue eyes to her avatar, her smile turning gentle. She reached out and brushed her hand across Elsa's cheek before threading them through her hair lightly. Elsa gasped quietly, her eyes closing at her mother's caress as she leaned into it longingly. So lost was she in a touch she hadn't experienced since she was a small child that she didn't even realize her leg was no longer throbbing with pain. "Because two minds, two essences cannot occupy the same body and mind at the same time, my daughter," she answered gently, slowly pulling back her hand. "It is time I told both of you what it is that allows Honeymaren life anew," she said, folding her hands regally in front of her in a way Honeymaren had seen Elsa do so many times before.
"Thousands of years ago, before the Northuldra were even aware of the existence of the spirits, the world was plagued with an entity known as Tōll," the deity began, waving her hand toward the wall of ice behind her. Images of what appeared to be an impossibly large lion made entirely of flames and smoke glowed against the wall and something deep inside of Elsa revolted against the image. Wide, crystalline eyes stared into the endless black pits where the massive hellcat's eyes should have been, unable to look away. Honeymaren glanced at her lover with concern as she felt the blonde tense next to her and squeezed her gently with the arm around her waist. Elsa's head quickly jerked toward her as she was startled out of her sudden trance and she smiled slightly in thanks, pressing closer into her side.
"Tōll was the spirit of fire and flame and despised the growth and life of the earth," Iduna's voice continued and the image changed. The creature called Tōll roared mightily from within a dense forest and fire spewed forth from his maw with such intensity the trees were instantly engulfed in flame. The hellcat looked around, somehow smiling without lips as he surveyed his work. "He sought to overthrow myself and the other spirits so that he may return the planet to the primordial volcanic wasteland it once was in the beginning before the other spirits and I created life." Images flashed across the ice of the earth giants with their arms up defensively as Tōll spewed a raging inferno at them. From the side, Nokk nimbly darted around to flank the fire demon, riding a geyser that exploded from the ground under the intense heat. Elsa gasped in horror as the hellcat turned and pounced at her watery companion of old, ethereal echoes of an agonized whinny bouncing all around the cavern as giant fangs of flame sunk into Nokk's neck. The earth giant scrambled to stand but to no avail – the heat of Tōll's flames was so great, the stone of the earth giant's body began to melt into lava from whence it was born.
"Finally, I had no choice but to sacrifice myself to not only save the earth, but the other spirits as well. I used all of my power to cover the entire world in ice so thick, not even Tōll could melt it through before his powers would become weak enough for the other spirits to defeat him and bring balance once more, to both nature and to life itself." An image of a woman made entirely of sparkling ice appeared amidst a barren and burned wasteland, the flaming hellcat himself charging at her from the distance. The woman appeared to be chanting something quickly as Tōll closed in on her. Just as the massive fire demon was about to pounce on her, the woman of ice slammed one fist into the ground with a mighty battle cry and the entire world was instantly engulfed in white. When the snow and ice crystals in the air settled, a lost and bewildered-looking Tōll was left alone on a sheet of ice and the woman was nowhere to be found. Image after image of Tōll wandering the frozen wasteland alone flashed before their eyes, showing the fiery cat growing weaker and weaker before it was replaced with the image of spring overtaking the land covered in white, all but one lonely mountain of ice disappearing. Honeymaren's eyes lit with understanding, turning back to the deity. "So this place is what remains of that time so long ago?" she asked with quiet awe and Iduna nodded solemnly. "It is my essence, preserved for all time. It is also where Tōll's essence has been guarded for thousands of years...until now."
"Who was this Tōll demon?" Elsa asked, unable to mask the venom in her voice. "And what does this have to do with Honeymaren?" The deity turned familiar blue eyes on Elsa. "He was and remains to this day...the fire spirit." Both Elsa and Honeymaren blinked, looking at each other in confusion. "But...what about Bruni?" Elsa asked, shaking her head in bewilderment. "Isn't he...?" Iduna's eyes twinkled in amusement at her confused children and shook her head. "No, my child," she answered, waving her hand at the wall once more. An image of the spirits surrounding a felled Tōll came into focus, the fiery lion panting weakly as he lay upon the frozen ground. Gale approached him with a sad look, her outline created by bits of ice and snow reaching a snowy hand down into the fire demon's chest. As she slowly pulled it back, the hellcat's flames winked out of existence and in her hand was a tiny lizard covered in pink flames, chirping inquisitively at the spirits.
"Bruni is an avatar of the real fire spirit that the spirits and I created to keep balance in Tōll's stead," Iduna clarified. "This is why he was both highly aggressive toward you in the enchanted forest at first as well as instantly drawn to you. It is also why you cannot communicate with him in the same manner you do the other spirits. You are opposing forces of nature, yet drawn to one another as avatars." Elsa nodded slowly as her quick mind processed what she was being told. So many things were beginning to make sense to the winter spirit, dozens of her ponderings answered except for the one that seemed the most important. "You said you guarded the fire spirit's essence 'until now'. Where is he now? Please, Mother, what does this have to do with Honeymaren?" she asked again in a pleading voice.
"Because Tōll's essence resides in her as we speak – it is the reason she is alive right now and the reason she is in such pain. The more she remembers, the more her memories go to war with Tōll's essence. This is why I had to remove your memories, my child," she said solemnly as she looked at Honeymaren's shocked face. "His essence gives you your life and your powers, but it needed a space in which to exist. Soon the war will rage beyond control and the essence of the fire spirit will either overpower you forever or will dissipate entirely. A choice lies before you, noaide. I can remove your memories once again so that you may live in peace with the essence...or I can remove the essence and, with it, the life it granted you."
Both women's eyes were wide, staring at the deity in disbelief and shock. Honeymaren felt sick to her stomach. How could she possibly make such a choice? How could she do either of those things to Elsa?
"No."
Honeymaren blinked at the firm and confident defiance in her lover's voice, turning to look at her with surprise. "I won't let you do this. We are going to find another way or you are going to find another avatar." Honeymaren's eyes went wide and she placed her hands on Elsa's shoulders to try to calm her down, only to have to physically restrain the angry queen as she tried to push past her. "I REFUSE to be an avatar to a being who would let her children suffer so!" she shouted at the image of her mother before she locked eyes with Honeymaren, bringing her hands up to cup her face. "Where you go, I go too. Your heart, your mind, your life; I will follow you until the end of eternity," she whispered fervently as she pressed her forehead against Honeymaren's. "No more goodbyes. I am yours and you are mine and I will never let anything, god, demon, or death separate me from you again."
"What your future holds from this point forward has always depended on you, daughter," Iduna's voice said calmly, bringing both women's attention to her. "The options I gave are choices Honeymaren alone can make. This does not mean you do not have options as well, Elsa, if you choose to take this journey with her. There is another way. A way to channel enough of the essence away that it will keep the noaide alive without suppressing her being." Elsa and Honeymaren looked at each other, brows furrowed in hesitant, uncertain hope before they turned to face her. The deity approached them both, familiar blue eyes meeting their mirrors in the young queen. "If you choose this path, Elsa, you will both be taking on a great responsibility, but you alone will bear the final pain of this choice."
"I'll do anything," Elsa answered immediately. Honeymaren grabbed Elsa's arm gently, pulling her back to her a bit. "Elsa, wait a se-" The words died on her lips when the queen claimed them with her own fiercely. When Elsa finally pulled away, she pressed her forehead longingly against Honeymaren's, panting softly as her eyes closed. "It's my turn to save you, my love. No more goodbyes," she whispered to her before facing the image of her mother again. "What must I do?"
Iduna placed a hand on both of their chests, her fingers splayed over their hearts. "You must give the noaide her final memories of you, Elsa." A strange tingling began to spread from the deity's hands and into their chests, blossoming across the rest of their bodies as their eyes fell closed and they slipped into a calm, trance-like state. Ahtohallan's voice echoed around them as she spoke. "You must do this tonight and you must be surrounded by both your power and your freedom. This will be incredibly painful for both of you in ways neither of you have ever experienced or could possibly prepare for. You will each give a piece of yourselves away forever, and only the strength of your love can see you through to the end. If you do as I ask, the Winter Solstice will bring to both of you the pain of my deepest sorrows and the love of my greatest joys. You have until the sun rises, my children. Now, go."
With a gentle push to their chests, both Elsa and Honeymaren woke from their trance, gasping at the cool, salty air. Both women looked at the rocky shoreline around them in bewilderment, glancing at Ahtohallan's entrance in the distance. "H-How did we get out here?" Elsa asked uncertainly, idly rubbing at the ghosting tingle on her chest. Honeymaren shook her head, spinning in a slow circle as she realized they were right back where they were when Nokk had dropped them off. "I have no idea," she answered quietly before looking at Elsa again. "What are we supposed to do now?"
Elsa mulled the Great Mother's words over in her head, chewing her bottom lip thoughtfully. "She said we have to go to a place where we would be surrounded by my freedom and my power," she reiterated slowly before turning to look into her lover's eyes. "I think I know where we have to go."
AN:
The end is near, my friends. Only a few more chapters to go! The next one is going to be looooong if it makes you feel any better!
As always, thank you so much for the love you all continue to leave me in reviews. I take all of it and pour it right back into this fic, sot hank you for all the inspiration you give me!
To all my guest reviewers, I wish I could write each of you private messages as well to thank you for your amazing words, I can't tell you how deeply your encouragements have touched me!
A special shoutout to JLATS for promoting me on her Tumblr (check out her stuff, she's actually got some of her fics published, guys!) and to joseph915west who has given me a great prompt for my companion collection piece of one-shots!
Until next time, my friends!
-Volchise