A/N: Even though the story presented in Legacy of the Sith so far is laughably short, I've enjoyed it a great deal.
I'd provide this chapter so much sooner if not for whole two months spent on rewriting a simple dialogue over and over again ^^'
She should've just asked the question.
Commander usually can't keep her maw shut. She asks and advises, cheers and scolds. She chats, and mocks, and disputes, and mourns. She talks to people, droids, creatures, vehicles... just talks, on and on. It's so strange that this once she's unable to voice what's on her mind; and so, uncertainty gnaws on her like a starving kath hound on carcass.
She should've just asked the damn question, instead of running away to Rishi.
Far behind her, in the depths of outlook apartment, Theron is preparing dinner. He wanted some space in their kitchen, so she left to soak up the late afternoon sun on balcony. She sheds her cape as too heavy for the weather and sits down on the planks, enjoying peace and beauty of surroundings. Rishi sun is painting the sky and water with brilliant colors. Blood red dominates the scene, like a daunting reminder of the past intense days. Commander's thoughts easily drift to a different planet with different sea, one colored red with actual blood. And with sky getting darker, her thoughts grow darker too.
Previous time she's been on Manaan, it's been a noble cause. As it turned out, she was recruited into joint Imperial-Republic effort, an impromptu team created to investigate a much more malicious Imp-Rep co-op, the Revanites. Whole galaxy has been at stake back then; it was the right thing to do, to defend the universe. This time though, there was nothing noble about the events. It was just a part of dirty and ugly war efforts: two sides fighting over a valuable resource on a planet belonging to neither. The only good the Alliance could do there was limiting the casualties among the Jedi allies and local Selkath forces. Somehow, it's been a brutal eye-opener for The Commander, and a long overdue one too.
Because, such a pitiful entity the Alliance has become, no doubt about it now. It became so very weak, but not just because of the whole Eternal Fleet long lost. Since Zakuul has stopped being a threat, there was no common goal that would keep all these people together. Truce is long gone and forgotten, Imps and Reps are leaving to fight the war against each other. Everything she worked so hard to build is almost done falling apart completely. New world, new family, it all will be gone again soon. And why to even bother with maintaining Alliance as separate forces? They are independent of Republic governance, true, but work together against the Empire nonetheless.
Only some of the Force users still stay together, working hard to uncover Malgus' secret. They will be gone too though. Capturing Malgus has been a joint operation, but Commander and her pair of blasters played only a minor role in it. Truth is, he's been actually stopped by all of the Force-wielding allies, Lana and Theron's mother included. And, sooner or later, the mysterious plot against the universe will get discovered and thwarted. It won't be easy, for sure, but Commander is certain of her allies' future success. This would be the final part of The Eternal Alliance story, she supposes. Whole galaxy will be safe from the lunatic, and all the people will be free to fight each other as they please. Lana is going to be free of obligations as well. Even if she became friend and family, she'll be free to go - and it might be the most painful goodbye Commander could've imagined in the post-carbonite life.
She should've just asked if Lana wants to stay.
A powerful Force user and a fierce warrior, a steady supporter and, in the end, a dear friend - the Sith has been there in joy and sorrow, through victories and defeats. Fear of losing such a close person makes Commander shudder. To call the idea unsettling is a major understatement. And then there's one more thing, the woman realizes. Lana will be free to go and join the Empire back. She will be free to stand against the Republic, Alliance leftovers and Commander herself, possibly becoming the greatest foe so far. And what if Lana is already planning changing sides? It's not like the war has just started, she had plenty of time to decide whether it's no longer fine for her as a Sith Lord to go against Imperial war effort. Expected or not, staged or real, this would make a treason either way and Commander doesn't feel strong enough to live through another one.
"Hey, put your cape on, it's getting chilly. You're shivering."
Theron's soft voice jolts the woman back to reality. She turns to look at him - and stares, enchanted by the doorway scene. Theron makes a dark shape against the brightly lit apartment entrance, a sharp silhouette within halo of warm light. So unreal, so ephemeral. And yet, so solid. It makes her proud that with all of her shortcomings, she still deserves the man and his love.
She has to be wearing a heavily troubled expression, because he strides to her side.
"You look weird. What happened?"
When Commander doesn't respond immediately, Theron reaches for her discarded cape, sits down and arranges folds of purple fabric around shoulders of them both. Then snuggles closer - arm to arm, leg to leg - and just waits for her to tell him what's bothering her so much. And so she does.
"Have you ever wondered what will become of us - some of us - when we're done with whatever Malgus has cooked up?"
"You do have someone particular in mind, somebody else than the two of us, don't you?", he flashes a knowing smirk.
By the stars, sometimes he can be annoying, knowing her so well, she sighs. Then corrects herself, "I mean, what will happen to Lana? Have you ever wondered if she might get back to the Empire?"
It's Theron's turn to stay silent. And it's heavy and uncomfortable, this silence; so the woman continues, tripping over own hurried words.
"I might be just paranoid with this, I know. But since Alliance went Republic... We're at open war with Imps. It's far past the diplomacy games for what - two, three years already? And it might not sit well with Lana to go so outright against the Empire. When we're done with Malgus, she might want to finally go back to her own people. Maybe she's even planning the return as we speak. What do we do now? What if this actually happens?"
Commander is aware she sounds like a hysterical idiot. Yet, she hopes - no, firmly believes - no, knows for sure - it's not too much for her partner. A word of consolation or a kick in the butt, whatever he can offer is fine, just as long as he understands. And by the look of it he does, though the acknowledgement is not a pleasant one.
"You have every right to be paranoid, especially after what I've... you know..." - he turns away for a moment, visibly disturbed by the memory.
I know, love, I know, she cuts him short, feeling guilty of the wave of pain attempting to drown them both. Even though the events are long dealt with, they're not easily forgotten, and the occasional reminder usually hurts - a lot. Still, Lana is a big part of all those memories. Infinitely patient and kind, she managed to keep Commander alive when living seemed more like a habit or a duty instead of a willing choice. Only thanks to Lana's strength Commander was able to keep the emotional meltdown at bay. Without the other woman constantly at her side, she'd have never stayed sane until the moment truth was revealed. It looks as though the sanity may leave her any moment this time around, just like the air from her lungs seems to be gone.
Theron draws a shaky breath, then nudges her slightly. It must be obvious to him that her attention is back at the mess inside own head. Indeed, it's no small task to focus on him picking the words.
"Given the past, you have a right to be paranoid. But - you've said it yourself, the war officially rages on for quite some time already. If Lana would like to leave, she had many a great occasion to do so. She could've done it a dozen of times already. Yet, she's been saving our lives and fighting alongside us against Force only knows how many Darths, Imp officers, grunts, you name it. Why would she leave now, all of a sudden? Do you think there's a malicious plan behind all of her support? I mean, it's not like she couldn't come up with one, still remember her idea for starting an undercover op," Theron chuckles. It's not an entirely happy sound, but it's not as distressed as it could be either. The fact alone helps Commander to breathe. Thus, to keep on listening. "I just don't think it would make any sense to keep us in the dark for so long. It wouldn't make any sense to plan things in such a long run, as the situation is - dynamic, to put it mildly. And Lana never does things that make no sense."
This is madness.
When he says it like that, all confidence and logic, she doesn't know whether to nod or to shake her head. If she were to assume Lana has been plotting something for years, she wouldn't be able to trust anyone anymore, ever. Not even herself - and definitely not Theron, man with a certain experience in backstabbing.
Stars, this is pure madness. This has to stop.
It stops, it finally does, with an enormous effort. Choking fear slowly gives place to exhaustion. And shame. And questions. Why did she freak out so suddenly, and why so easily? Is that a sign of her mind getting too weak to handle that many responsibilities? It can't be, not now. It's not the time to give up when there's so much to be done yet. Being an unstable, frail thing puts in danger everything and everybody the woman has ever fought for.
Commander hangs her head low in defeat. She should've been a better leader, a better person altogether. She should've never kept these doubts to herself; talking them through was a way to go from the very start. Although, it might be the very end just as well, because who would want such a paranoid fool in their life?
Gentle fingers try to push a stubborn hair curl behind her ear. Unsuccessful, Theron puts a kiss above it, to her temple; silly gestures, but their familiarity makes last of panic to fade away faster than calm words would.
"I know you - you won't stop worrying. Just give Lana some credit, please. The years we've spent working together, the years we've been looking for you - I've learned a couple of things about her. Lana is not always direct, but she does respect her allies, you in particular. I'm sure of all the people she'd let you know first if something wasn't right. And if this is still bothering you - just go on and ask her. Or, simply trust her, like we've all been."
She should've just asked the damn question, instead of nearly driving herself insane.
Tired, Commander leans her head on Theron's shoulder. Sometimes she misses the days when life used to be simple, when all she cared about was the cargo, credits and fun. That life was so very simple, but - shallow, somehow. And, there was no Theron in there. He stormed into her life, multiplying amount of friendship, danger and politics already present; adding love, galaxy-wide threats and greater purpose into the mix. The way their lives are entwined, it's a bundled deal - Theron, Lana, Alliance, making things right. No, she may miss them old times, but wouldn't want her life to go any other way. Current life has challenges on its own though, constantly. There are always answers needed.
"Malgus aside, Imps won't stop killing and destroying. All those planets, it's our world. We can't just sit and watch, we - I - need to do something. Don't really know what, with Alliance so small, but I have to do - something", Commander admits, much more bitterly than intended.
Theron presses a kiss to the top of her head. "Look, you are not responsible for each and every decision other people make. And you can't just act blindly only because you want to act. You - we - just have to wait and see what happens next, then we'll react. Time will tell us where do we go from here."
Surely time will tell what's next soon enough. Like Lana says - it has a habit of doing so.
A/N2: A direct continuation to this chapter can be found as the final part of "Phases" story. Be warned, "Phases" describes the intimate side of Commander's relationship with Theron, so is definitely NSFW.