2. The noob wakes up once more

~~~~ 2hu Frikmania : ALICE MARGATROID'S PERSPECTIVE ~~~~

…

I hope Patchouli knows how to fix this..

…

I'm not as knowledgeable in the elements as Patchouli is so maybe she can help.

Floating next to me is an elementally unstable piece of plastic resembling a triceratops.

One wrong move and it would have a chance of making a random elemental explosion in a large radius.

After a bit of walking I notice something weird sticking out of a nearby tree trunk.

It was.. A metal arm, specifically a blue metal arm.

'Might make for good material later', I thought to myself.

Using some invisible metal strings, I attempted to pull the metal arm out proving difficult.

I pulled with even greater vigor and pulled the arm out along with a humanoid figure.

It was a person in a multicolored shirt I'd never seen before, the metal arm seems to be attached to his arm so using it for materials was out of the question.

'He looks completely fine despite being stuck in that tree, his shirt has a few holes but overall he looks fine'

"Hey, wake up. Why were you sleeping in a tree?", I questioned the man.

The man still asleep could not answer my question.

'Is he seriously just gonna stay like this in the forest? This place isn't somewhere normal people could survive, speaking from experience'

"Come on, wake up already", I asked again, but the man still did not respond.

'This is going nowhere', I picked up a stick nearby and gave him a single strong whack.

Whack!

"AH WHAT THE FACK", the man got up with a jolt.

'Took him long enough, Reimu would kill me if I just left a random human alone in this forest', I contemplated my options.

"Not cool bro, why would you hit me with a stick?", he questioned.

"My name is Alice Margatroid not 'bro', thank you very much", I continued, "What were you doing in a tree trunk?"

"If it wasn't obvious already, I didn't go here by choice. An angry flower mommy yeeted me all the way here then I blacked out from the landing, guess I landed in a tree", he replied with weird words Alice had never heard of.

'What in the world is a yeet'

"I take it you do not want to stay here either? It's very common for humans to go missing in this forest", I reply helpfully.

"No I wanna stay in this forest, crawl into a hole and die.", he responds in a weirdly serious tone.

"Oh well, suit yourself", I turn to leave and continue walking to the mansion.

The man begins walking opposite to me… wait, that's the direction of my house.

I turn around and the man is gone.

'Oh no, a hobo is walking in the direction of my house. What ever will i do'

I turn back to the path to the mansion and walk without care.

~~~~ 2hu Frikmania : MARK'S PERSPECTIVE ~~~~

'That lady probably would have helped me get out of this place but I creeped her out so much that she just left'

I walk in a vague direction distrusting my sense of direction.

Then..

I feel ten degrees warmer for some reason.

After a bit more walking, I now feel ten degrees colder.

After even more walking, the temperature goes back to normal.

Does the temperature just change whenever you walk? 2016 times are weird.

What a weird place, I hope nothing weirder happe-?!

Rats start coming out of nowhere surrounding me.

What next, the biggest rat to rule them all?

And it was just that

A 2 foot tall mouse girl ,in a skirt dress I think, holding 2 black metal L's appeared

Those two metal L's look like dowsers like in those cartoons. But on the tips of the L's had north, west, south, and east respectively.

She began to speak in a soft tone, "You.. where is it?"

She might be talking about the only useful thing I have right now.

But I'm not gonna tell her anyway.

"I ate it, what are you gonna do about it", I replied helpfully.

Her expression turned into a confused one, "What? Humans can't just eat pieces of metal. You're trying to trick me!"

"No shit"

…

"I'm gonna whump ya c'mere", she says as she approaches me with both L's held overhead.

Clink!

"Calm down, we don't have to start another world war!", turning in a random direction, I began running.

"Hey wait!", her voice slowly becomes one with the background as I run with newfound energy from landing a parry.

A bit of running later I come across a hut of sorts.

I hope there aren't cannibals in this place.

I'm gonna go in it because it totally wont start another boss fight.

The door opens on its own though..

"The hell?"

Out comes the generic representation of a witch, but blonde and the hat is extra floofy

She holds a weird 8 sided piece of wood and it starts shining a rainbow color.

Too bad I've already seen something like that already.

I prepare my metal arm cuz I know exactly what she's about to do

Chuu!

A thin blue laser comes my way and I barely have enough time to parry.

Clink!

"Woah, was that a parry? Alright then, don't get raiders often because they know which fights to pick, ze."

She raises that 8 sided box again only to switch to a potion bottle.

"Parry this, you filthy casual", she says as she throws it directly at me.

'Bet' I ready my arm but..

BOOM!

"Agh! FAck"

Unable to take pain without verbally abusing the air, I exclaim my big pain.

Shady witch tactics I say.

What she threw wasn't a laser, it was just an explosion in a bottle. Devs balance pls.

"You're still alive after that? Oh shit you don't look so good, ze", she says as if she didn't already know.

"Wait, are you not a youkai? Ah shit, Reimu's gonna be pissed if she finds out.", she takes out a red potion out of her floofy hat, "Here drink this before I get in any more trouble!"

I yoink it out of her hand and drink the potion.

Oh I feel better al- Uraghhsghh.

That was the noise of me puking it back out the moment I drank it.

"Potion sickness, it happens when ya don't drink potions a lot", she said like I'd just get better after hearing it.

Oh wait I am.

She holds her 8 sided box of assfuck once more "Who are you and what are you- AH!"

A rat lands on her hat, then multiple rats land on her hat and start squirming around.

The biggest rat to rule them all is approaching uh oh.

I start preemptively running as far as my tired legs could take.

"-ARKK!"

FWOOOOmmm

Ah shat, something big just happened back there.

The giant rainbow death laser made it obvious.

Welp, not going in that direction anymore, but my legs don't feel like running so I'll just walk.

I'd shiver but I don't know what sound a shiver makes.

I come across a misty lake with glistening water.

That's definitely a cold lake, not going there.

"Hold it!", a voice calls out from behind me as I walk away.

I turn around and hope to god I don't see some lovecraftian horror leviathan.

And it's.. A fairy looks like she's got ice as her element.

Those icicle wings are a dead giveaway if her light blue hair didn't already spell it out in bolded terms.

"You must be one of those 'noobs' Eye've been hearing about, well eye'm the strongest fairy around hahahaha!", She laughs to herself trying to look intimidating while doing so.

It'd be intimidating if she wasn't a whole foot shorter than me. Her height from flying in the air doesn't count.

"Oi, fock you. Leave me alone I need to go find the one piece", I knew exactly what to say.

"Oh my bad, you can go back to doing whatever you were doing", she says as she turns around and starts flying away.

I hope everyone is this dumb.

Walking past the shore of the lake, a water stream concentrated on me from the lake itself.

This is not fun, I'm cold and wet now.

I start slowly inching farther from the shore and the stream runs out of reach.

"Killjoy…" a voice calls out in the water.

I pick up a random rock and throw it at the voice because fack them for making me wet and cold.

"Ah!", the small stream of water ends up shooting into the sky with no particular target.

…

After a bit more walking I see a giant red mansion in the distance.

Surely not an ominous boss fight.

I'm gonna go there.

~~~~ 2hu Frikmania ~~~~

Looks like I can't go in through the front though, there's a gatekeeper.

..A gatekeeper that's sleeping.

Probably to let your guard down.

I'm just gonna go around the back of the brick walls surrounding the mansion.

…

Wow, a treasure chest. Not a trap at all.

I'm gonna open it anyway, I am in need of the loot.

Huwahhhh.

The generic heavenly sound effect upon opening a chest played but inside the chest was…

An AK-12… that had one bullet left in the magazine..

Oh well, a bullet's a bullet. Wonder how much a bullet would do to magical girls that fly around.

The other thing inside the chest is a single edged dagger, most likely a tanto. It seems to have dulled due to overuse.

I take my sweet loot with me, pocketing the dagger and having to hold the Ak-12 over my shoulder.

Can't just put it in my pocket now can I.

I proceed walking across the walls and- OH SHIT BRICK

Clink!

I barely parry a brick coming at me from the wall.

It seems a hole just opened itself almost exactly where I was walking.

I look in through the newly made hole and see someone else peek their head.

It's that blonde haired lady again, the one that wasn't insane and attacked me on sight.

I walk past the debris and into the mansion.

Looks like the place I entered is a giant library, so big that it shouldn't even fit in the mansion.

A purple dressed magician looked over at me drowsily, "Not even a minute after the explosion and hobos are already infiltrating the mansion."

"I'm a reasonable hobo, I promise not to steal any of your books", I promised her I think.

"Unlike a certain black-white witch, heh. I'm gonna… go to sleep, you can deal with the hobo, Alice.", she floats away into the unknown.

I decided to break the silence, "So, fancy meeting you again."

"I thought you said you'd crawl a hole and die", she chuckles remembering him from this morning.

"I did. I'm dead now, i'm haunting you for the rest of your life"

Bonk!

The flat side of an axe came down on my head with little force.

"You're still tangible, Mr. Ghost", she replied.

Before I could reply with a snarky comeback, a new person spawned.

By which I mean, teleported next to Alice in an instant.

It was a silver haired maid, she looks like someone important in the mansion.

"I'm afraid you'll have to leave, Sir Hobo", said the silver haired maid while brandishing three knives between her fingers.

"What if I don't want to-"

The knives fly towards my face with insane speeds

Clink!

I could only parry one because she threw them in bursts of three.

Agh. The knives didn't cut me though, they just flew at me at insane speeds.

The volley of knives did not end, eventually enough hit me.

Vision.. Blacking out..

~~~~ 2hu Frikmania : SAKUYA IZAYOI'S PERSPECTIVE ~~~~

"He's not dead if you were wondering", I turned to face Alice who came here to research an elementally unstable piece of plastic.

"You should tell that to Reimu when you accidentally use real knives in place of your danmaku knives", she replied.

"Hah.", I responded with the driest laugh.

'Anyway, time to check if this hobo had anything worth storing in the treasury'

Crouching down towards him, I can see he carried this weirdly modern gun.

I haven't seen much use of guns ever since the Mistress moved us to Gensokyo.

That gun seemed to be the only useful thing he had, he had some plastic cups in his pocket but I chose to leave it.

I'd rather not pollute the place with them.

"You seriously just gonna ransack him while he's unconscious?", asked Alice.

"Would you prefer I ransack him while he's awake?", I answer with another question.

"Fair enough. I should be going now, it's getting late"

"Have a safe trip", I reply.

She starts floating away.

'Lets see if this guy is worth keeping alive, I'll give him his gun back at a later date…'

"You sounded like a fancy Marisa for a second there.", a voice still in her seat at the table called out.

"Oh shut up you. Mind reading is cheap."

"That gun probably isn't, reselling it might be better than giving it back"

~~~~ 2hu Frikmania ~~~~

END OF CHAPTER 2

MC: Mark, the generic introvert, The Reasonable Hobo

PRIMARY WEAPON :

The Feedbacker: The Feedbacker: a blue metal arm that has a tendency to make people trip on it, deals 1 damage with punches, deals 5 damage with parries. Parries full heal. INVENTORY :

4 plastic cups: useful for the good of nothing.

Tanto: Small one sided dagger, slightly dull from overuse

AK-12 : is a Russian assault rifle chambered in 5.45×39mm designed and manufactured by the Kalashnikov Concern. Only has one bullet in the magazine.

SKILLS:

German Swordsmanship Proficiency: would be useful.. If he had a German sword

Nuclear Warhead Blueprint Memorization : Can memorize the blueprints of nuclear warheads, he hasn't seen a single warhead in his life

Endured Legs: Years of walking long distances from his house to his school made his legs slightly stronger

PARTY:

Mark, still forever alone

~~o~~

AUTHOR'S NOTE:

Two chapters in one day, damn.

Im goin too slow

Frikin ten thousand words per chapter

Not enough energies to do that many

Big credits to Brad aka u/4552286/SKOOLATOON