4. No way, almost a social interaction.
~~~~2hu Frikmania MARK'S PERSPECTIVE ~~~~
I woke up in a weird bed.
I can feel the sheets but there's no mattress, probably a futon then.
Climbing out the sheets, it is indeed a futon.
This room looks empty, hopefully this isn't some mass produced design.
Oh yea my sword.. Where is it.
Flipping my head around it's nowhere in sight, I've been robbed.
I shall vent my anger on this paper wall.
Bang!
A small hole appears where my fist landed.
I should get out of here before I get sued.
..
Why is there a hole in the ground..
Isn't this a safety hazard?
I'll check just to make sure.
"LEEEROYY JENKINS"
Whoosh!
My hearing gets muffled and the temperature gets hotter and gotter!
Holy shit did I just jump into a hole to the core of the earth.
Whoosh!
How long is this fall gonna take?
Oh yea, fall damage.
OH SHIT FALL DAMAGE.
It's getting hotter and hotter the further I go down.
Alright, I see the ground now.
I hope this works.
…
Whiff!
"Holy shi-Ach…"
I try to hold back my insides from dying.
Oh god. AGHHH.
Falling from such a high place and immediately reversing the momentum isn't good for my stomach.
Where am I now?
It's frikin hot in here.
I see an industrial looking building with a giant sign saying, "Komeiji Utility Comp. A subsidiary of Moriya Industries"
So they have fun things here too.
Duck walking to the front doors while clutching my stomach to prevent instant death of cringe.
I step on the welcome mat and the door opens.
They have air conditioning at least.
One employee stands behind the counter.
It's a girl with unkempt dark blue hair with talismans attached.
She seems to be wearing a light brown boiler suit.
Oh the employees have name tags, lets see.. Her name is… Minimum Wage Employee.
Her parents must be fun people.
"Welcome to Komeiji Utility Company, what can I do for yo-.."
The black telephone on the counter starts ringing.
"One moment please…", she tried to hang up but pressed the speaker button instead.
"The water in my shower is still cold!…", the voice on the other side of the call spoke.
Uh oh, a K-a-r-e-n. The people we do not talk about.
"It's been cold for over an hour. What is going on over there? Why aren't you doing your job? I just want to take a nice hot shower, why are you making me wait? Why are you so incompetent? I don't pay my bills just so you can slack around. What are they paying you for? I bet you're just some lowly employee who they can easily replace. I bet you're some high school dropout who got high every day and is now a junkie. Or maybe you did go to college but you got a worthless degree and now you can't find a job and pay that hundred-thousand-dollar student loan debt you should've never gotten in the first place. A monkey can do a better job than you could ever do. I bet you don't even know what a shower is. I can smell your stink through the phone. You should go and kill yourself because you're so worthless. Nobody is going to mourn your death. That's how incompetent you are!"
Damn, the employee's on the verge of tears.
The voice on the phone speaks again, "Oh wait, it's getting warm now. I guess I just had to wait 30 seconds. Nevermind. Forget everything I said."
The lady on the other side hung up.
…
The employee throws her ID at the ground and goes to a room in the back.
I jump on the counter like the nosy hooman I am.
There's a list on the counter that shows the most recent calls.
Does it just record the calls that happen..
Its a fuckin telephone.
Whatever. The most recent caller is.. Parsee Mizuhashi.
Must be a side character.
Oh shat.
The employee from earlier stormed past me running through the door.
Time to do the only reasonable thing.
Go in the back.
I go where that employee just stormed out of.
In here is a small computer.
There's a section on which houses to send power to and how much.
Currently, the one receiving power is the Mizuhashi household.
999,999,999%...
And with that is my que to leave.
I hear elevator music so I quickly run before they can come outside the elevator.
And. Hah, hat, hot!
I forgot it's hot as shit without air conditioning.
I start power walking to the next industrial building nearby.
Looks to be a restaurant, the name… Hell's Kitchen.
Fitting.
I clumsily make my way inside past the circular tables that are put way too close to each other.
I go into a corner of the restaurant to observe the situation.
There are a lot of people here, and by people I mean people with things that make them slightly less people.
Fancy suits but also horns and wings.
And three women are coming to the table I'm next to, must avoid social interaction.
I decide to hide under the table because that's a good idea.
The tablecloth will hide me well.
The three women sit down without saying a single word.
They seem to just order food and continue on with their dinner or lunch whatever.
…
~~~~ 2hu Frikmania ~~~~
They sound finished with their food.
One of them began to speak.
"That was a really nice dinner, but you never told me what the occasion was…", the woman with a green skirt and red shoes broke the silence.
"Nothing in particular. I just wanted to go out every once in a while and decided to invite friends over.", the woman with a white dress and brown shoes replied.
"Friends?...", the woman with the green skirt asked.
The last woman with black boots answered the question in place of her friend, "Come on. We're all friends here. Don't think about it too hard. Just enjoy the fact she invited you. I mean, how often does she not only invite us to dinner but eat food meant for humans, instead of humans as food?"
Oh, they are the flesh eaters I see.
The one with brown shoes replied sternly, "I don't eat humans. What ever gave you that idea?"
Thank you for clarifying.
The one with black boots speaks again, "I'm just saying, after hauling all those victims of yours from the outside world to feed the youkai-..."
"How many times must I repeat myself? I don't abduct humans to feed the youkai. I don't even know where that rumor started from.", the one with brown shoes interrupts.
"Well what's feeding the youkai then?", the black booted whippersnapper asks.
"The foolish humans who traverse Gensokyo without guidance…" she replies.
There's gonna be a lot of replying to these questions.
"Oh, I see. So you're the one hunting them down?"
"Don't talk about hunting others when you're the one who keeps abducting children to turn into mindless slaves."
"Hey, I told you I stopped randomly taking kids away. Now I only concentrate on high school dropouts. I am serving the community."
The woman with the green skirt speaks up finally, "Can we please talk about something else?"
Black boots answers her, "Alright, then. Let's talk about the last time I went to the Yakumo's. Say Yukari, when I tried to open your fridge, Ran wouldn't let me. Can you tell me why?"
The woman with the white dress or Yukari answered, "Because the fridge stopped working and there was a foul stench coming from it. She was sparing us from having the whole house stink."
"And you answered that so quickly as well, so it must be true. Then how about you answer all the red stains coming from the refrigerator.", Black boots implies.
Green skirt speaks up, "I think it's time we head home…"
Nooo, I still have to classify you based on the color of your clothing if you leave now.
Yukari agrees, "Yes, I guess it's time for us to leave. So Kasen, you want to come through the portal with me or take Okina's doors?"
Name drops.
Kasen says things, "You gotta pay before you leave, you know."
"What makes you think I'm going to pay?"Yukari replied.
"But you invited us."
"But that doesn't mean I'm going to pay"
"Then Okina is going to…"
Okina stops her from saying ridiculous things, "You must be insane if you think I'm going to pay for what I can freely take."
"But you can't expect me to pay for any of this. I'm the guest." Kasen parries her argument.
"Nobody is paying for anything, Kasen.", Y. Y. speaks.
"So you mean this food is free? They're just giving us this food?"
Okina replies helpfully, "No, the meal wasn't free."
…
"You're not thinking of just leaving without paying, are you?"
"We're not thinking about it. We're going to do it. We're dining and dashing."
"You can't do that. That's wrong."
"There's that word again."
"I'm serious. You can't keep taking whatever you want."
"I'm a powerful goddess and these mere mortals must appease me. But for their loyalty, they get rewarded. That is what a goddess does. After all, if I do it, It's not a crime, it's a blessing."
"But you're not giving anything in return for this? How exactly is that a blessing?"
"..."
Okina goes silent for a few seconds.
"I'm sure there's some kind of logic to it that I'm not aware of, but that's how it works."
"Yukari, you're not going through with this, are you?"
"I don't see why not. These people owe me for everything I've done for them…", Yukari said that, not Okina.
Just to make sure you know.
Okina responds,"You didn't do anything for anyone."
"Are you forgetting who separated out world from this one?"
"No, but I do recall you carrying a large heavy sack with an arm sticking out. I don't think you did that guy a favor."
"You really want to die tonight, don't you?"
Good thing I have a special attack to run away if they do start fighting.
"You can't kill me, I'm a secret God."
"Yes, and you know who else is going to become a secret? How your body was perfectly cut in half."
Kasen puts a stop to the dispute with great words.
"Listen, I'm not going to dine and dash, okay? I don't care if we're sages, we have to pay for these meals and set an example."
"Then why don't you pay for it?…", Yukari brings up the big question.
"I don't have enough money to pay for all this…", Kasen retorts.
"Looks like someone is in a predicament.", Okina the nerd speaks.
Yukari rubs salt on the wound, "It's alright. If she insists on being a good example of how to be a doormat, then you can always just wash the dishes."
"There's an idea. But considering the amount of patrons in the restaurant, as well as the meal we just consumed, we wont be seeing her for another century…" Okina adds the vinegar.
Crash!
One of the plates from on top of the table fell down, fragments of ceramic land at my feet.
Just gonna, scoot it away from my toes.
"This isn't funny. I'm not washing the dishes and one of you has to pay for the bill."
Guess who said that.
Creak..
I don't remember a door being near this table.
Okina leans back in her chair, "Looks like she doesn't get it."
"As expected. But it's time for us to leave. You have 10 seconds to decide what you're going to do, Kasen. Either you jump into one of our portals or you stay here as the restaurant's permanent lapdog.", the first dine and dasher aka Yukari insists.
I imagine Kasen has the most shocked and "In a predicament" face right now.
Whulullullu.
What kind of sound does a portal make? Nothing any onomatopoeia can make.
Kasen gets up from her seat and her footsteps just disappear.
Portal makers be bullying everyone.
More footsteps approach the table.
I assume that's the waiter giving the bill.
"We decided to pay for our meals individually, so please bill us separately…", Yukari lied.
"Our friend also excused herself to the ladies room. But don't worry, she'll be here soon enough…", Okina added to the lie.
I hear the card decline.
Creak… Whulululu..
…
"Damn dine and dashers.", said the waiter.
The waiter leaves.
Moving the tablecloth out the way, I look at the bill.
Two large number 9s
Number 9 large
Number 6 with extra dip
Number 7
Two number 45s + one with cheese, and a large soda
Total: $670,000.99
Inflation is a real problem, even in a world of magic.
I hide under the table.
…
Footsteps approach the table again.
"Real funny, Yukari, sending me to the bathroom. You could have at least sent me to the ladies room. I was lucky nobody was- Huh?"
She must've seen the bill.
Clacklacklacklack
And there she goes.
Running as fast as she could too.
I think it's safe to come out now.
Bonk.
AH Fack. I did not hit my head on the table.
I look to the left and to my surprise, I see that white-black themed witch with a fluffy hat and the red-white shrine maiden on another table.
Well, I can barely see them past the mountain of plates on their table.
They have a staring tournament with the waiter.
But.. the waiter blinked.
I look to the table again, but they are both gone.
Is everyone here gonna dine and dash?
The waiter has a shocked expression on his face.
He turns to the right and looks out the window.
They are flying away into the sunset.
I look to my right and see a waiter handing out the bill to a blue haired girl with a stick through the ribbon in her hair.
For some reason I can make out what was on the bill from here.
Big Mac
+Small fries
+small soda
Total: $9,999.99
I get why they dine and dash here now.
The waiter's serious face turns into a shocked one again.
I look back at the girl..
She no clipped through the wall.
Hate it when the dine and dashers start hacking.
This may or may not have been a huge waste of my time.
I'm just gonna leave this restaurant now.
Going back to the hole I fell down from, I see a giant rock almost reaching the hole.
Hell has been fun, but I don't know about living ten gazillion years to get used to the heat.
If I can do some fun meta strats like in the good game that would be fun.
Whiff!
I punch the rock at a 80 degree angle and jump so I stick close enough to the rock to repeat the process.
Whiff! Whiff! Whiff!
This is gonna take a while.
Whiff! Whiff! Whiff!
And I have successfully scaled the rock.
Now for the walls of the hole.
~~~~ 2hu Frikmania ~~~~
Whiff! Whiff! Whiff!
Did you think that a scene break was gonna be enough to fully climb back from hell?
Funny joke.
Whiff! Whiff! Whiff!
Whff! Whiff! Whiff!
Oh I see some light from above me.
A scene break was barely enough it seems.
Whiff! Whiff!
And epic superhero landing.
Crack!
Yep, no pain in these legs at all.
Back in the plain room, I see nothing has changed. I'm surprised they haven't closed the hole yet.
Guess being a kajillion times stronger than a human does that.
Sneaking out the door to the outside, I see that the roof is also really tall.
There's only one logical thing to do.
Whiff!
Up to the skies we go.
Clack!
Not a smooth landing by any means, but I'm alive.
Looking around, I see… a giant plastic bag.
Nothing inside of it.
Just a giant plastic bag.
I pick it up and insert my arms though the part where you hold it.
Whoosh!
A storm is picking up too..
"The only man in the sky is ME!"
Whiff! Whoosh!
Oh shat these winds are strong, Im fucking dead if this plastic bag has a hole somewhere.
To make sure I dont land into a tree, I slide in a random direction.
Yes, sliding mid air is real.
Whoosh! The winds get stronger.
I'm surprised I haven't fallen to the ground.
I am made of pure carbon!
Is that something else flying towards me?
Whoosh! Clang!
Oh FUCK, AHhh.
A camera just hit my face.
"Wha, Huh?! Have the kappas made anti tengu balloons already?"
Oh, someone's in the plastic bag.
"Let me out! I promise I won't leak those pictures of you in the shower!"
I'll let them out if she gives those pictures to me though..
But only if I live from this fall.
Two people flying through the air in a plastic bag doesn't make a light flight.
While I'm busy thinking of how heavy two people would be in a plastic bag, a tree wants to introduce itself.
Crash!
Hmm, Tree.
And pain, fuck PAIN!
The handles of the plastic bag break upon contact with the tree.
Prisoner has escaped the time bubble
"Ow, did you have to crash into a tree?...", the unknown person asks.
"Yes, it was a necessary evil.", I reply helpfully.
It looks to be a girl in her late teens.
She has this weird red box on her head.
"What are you doing flying around in a plastic bag?", asks the girl.
Her wings are tiny, must be a tengu from what she said earlier.
"It all started when I was six years old…"
~~~~ 2hu Frikmania ~~~~
END OF CHAPTER 4
MC: Mark, potential to not be forever alone
PRIMARY WEAPON:
The Feedbacker:
a blue metal arm that has a tendency to make people trip on it, deals 1 damage with punches, deals 5 damage with parries. Parries full heal. 33% parry chance, may raise depending on usage. Parries deflect most projectiles with +4 damage.
INVENTORY:
Tanto: Dulled over time
Remains of a giant plastic bag: A great battle was fought here
SKILLS:
Excellent Observation Skills: this means he points out the obvious too many times. Slightly longer range for ranged weapons.
Stick Type Weapon Proficiency: Capable of using stick type weapons to their full potential
Phony Swordsman : watches a lot of swordsmanship videos on youtube, convinced himself he knew how to swing a sword. Slight sword proficiency.
Bacon Connoisseur : Likes bacon, heals to full upon eating bacon. Eating bacon increase stick type weapon damage by 2.5x
German Swordsmanship Proficiency: would be useful.. If he had a German sword
Nuclear Warhead Blueprint Memorization : Can memorize the blueprints of nuclear warheads, he hasn't seen a single warhead in his life
Endured Legs: Years of walking long distances from his house to his school made his legs slightly stronger
Special Trait: High tolerance to bullshit
PARTY:
Mark, potential to change the "Forever alone" status effect
AUTHOR'S NOTE:
Holy shoots, that's a lot of words.
For me anyway.
Props to the friendlies that got the reference.
Nothing else to really say about this.
Enjoy or do not enjoy this chapter