A guardian's POV
The churchdoor opened and then closed again and I could just make out the girl slipping into the back pew. I was standing against the backwall, keeping an eye on the dhampir in front of me. I honestly didn't know why they bothered to keep a security detail on him. At first I got it, sort of, but by now it was totally obvious that he wasn't a danger to anyone. Once upon a time he would have probably been dangerous, both as a Strigoi and as a dhampir, but the only way I could describe him now was harmless. And broken.
I felt the corners of my mouth turn up as the girl made her way down the pew until she dropped down right next to him. She was nothing if not persistent. I had to admit I liked her. Honestly, most of the guardians did. She was loud and pushy, she didn't care much about the rules and she refused to take no for an answer, but it was exactly those things about her that made her an awesome guardian. She was dedicated, and nothing would keep her from protecting her charge, or the man she loved. Not even if that went against said man's express wishes.
Last week the idiot had told her his love had faded. I had been standing in the exact same spot as I was now, my mouth gaping open and I'd been able to witness the pain on her face. I'd been as shocked as she was, mostly because I'd been on the night shift the night before and had heard him calling her name in his nightmares. After his words she ran out of church and he half got up as if to follow her, before falling back down and hiding his face in his hands.
Things hadn't improved for him since. I wasn't the only guardian who had heard his words, and because the guys all respected Hathaway, they treated him with cold civility at best and obvious disdain at worst ever since. He didn't even seem surprised or offended. It was like he expected to be treated that way anyway, like he deserved it. I kept my distance from him as well. I wasn't even sure why, because after another nightshift it was totally obvious to me that he'd lied to her. No man whose love had faded would yell her name like that and then wake up crying. Hathaway didn't know that though, and yet here she was.
It took him a couple of minutes to decide that she wasn't going to leave if he ignored her and he said: "What are you doing here?"
She shrugged. "Same thing everyone else is comrade, attending services."
"There's plenty of space up front. It would be much easier to hear the pastor up there." He sounded hostile.
She leaned back a little and put her feet on the back of the pew in front of her. Not exactly respectful, but I wasn't about to berate her for it. "Nah, I'm fine right here. But don't let me keep you if you want to move closer."
I chuckled quietly. This was the exact devil-may-care attitude that kept getting her in trouble with Hans and I guessed she was using it on purpose to get under Belikov's skin.
Apparently it worked, because not long after he said: "Just leave me alone Rose."
"Nope." She made the p pop, and I saw Belikov clenching his fists. She was getting to him alright.
"I told you, I don't want to talk to you. I don't want to be around you either and-"
She cut him off before he could continue. Honestly, those words had to hurt her, but she didn't show it. "Yeah yeah, I know. You've given up, your love has faded, I remind you of all the awful shit that happened. Trust me, you made your point last week."
"Then why are you here?" he asked in exasperation.
"Because I want to be. Just because you've given up on us doesn't mean I will as well."
He was looking at her and I could see his face from the side. His eyes were wide and he was opening and closing his mouth as if he wanted to say something but forgot how to talk. I guess that was an improvement from last week. At least he couldn't say anything to hurt her further.
Eventually he recovered the ability to speak. "Leave me alone Rose."
"No."
Her continued refusal stunned him for a moment, but I could tell he was getting worked up. I considered asking her to leave, not wanting Belikov to get truly agitated, but decided against it. In my opinion, she deserved to say whatever she wanted to say, and I had the feeling she'd be able to handle him. If not, I was close enough to help her out.
Belikov turned to pleading next. "Rose, please. This isn't going to change anything."
She shrugged again. "Still not going anywhere."
"Rose!" he hissed.
"What?" she snapped back.
"Go! Leave me alone! I don't.. I can't.. I'm not who you remember. Move on with your life, leave the past in the past!"
He was shaking, with rage or frustration or suppressed emotions or all of the above. Rose regarded him carefully for a couple of moments before standing up. This seemed to relax him a little, until she bent towards him and said: "This still isn't over comrade. I'll leave now because I don't want you getting upset with all these people around, but you should remember that it's not upto you to decide whether I move on or not. I know you're confused, and hurting and feeling guilty and whatever, but that doesn't change anything for me."
She straightened up. "I love you, and I fought like hell to get you back. I'm not just going to give up because things get difficult. If I did, I would've done that back in March and we wouldn't be here now would we?."
Belikov looked down. "I don't want you to waste your time on me."
"Sucks to be you then, but it's not your decision to make."
He gave it one last try. "Rose, please.."
"See you soon comrade!"
She turned around and quietly walked away from him and out of the church. Belikov's shoulders dropped and he once again hid his face in his hands. Her refusal to give up on him had definitely gotten to him. I had to admit, I was kinda jealous. Not that I wanted to be in his shoes, but I do wish I had someone like Rose Hathaway in my life to fight for me like that.
She left him alone for five days. His security detail was now made up of just me and Guardian Durand. Guess Hans decided that Belikov was mostly safe, and I had a suspicion that he only kept us assigned here in case someone bothered Belikov, rather than the other way around. It had happened several times since he was released from jail. Mostly royals blaming him for every one of their family or friends who was ever killed or taken, no matter how long ago it'd happened. They'd yell at him and ask him what he did to them and he'd only look down and apologize over and over again, even when it was highly unlikely he had anything to do with it. Guilt was a bitch, at least to Belikov.
He'd taken to going out only late at night or early in the morning, or sometimes even in the middle of the night if his nightmares woke him and he wouldn't go back to sleep. So here we were, at two in the afternoon human-time, in one of the courtyards. Belikov was sitting on one of the many benches that were scattered around Court and I was standing nearby. Not that I'd ever admit it to anyone, but it was kind of nice. I missed the sun, and lately I'd gotten to spend quite a bit of time in it. Before I'd been assigned to guard Belikov I was on regular patrols, meaning I was outside pretty much from sunset to sunrise, after which I spent the daylight hours inside for food, training and sleep.
To my surprise someone was making their way over to us from the other side of the courtyard, coming from the direction of one of the bigger gyms. I recognized her as Hathaway and I wondered what she was doing outside at this time. I bit back a chuckle as I watched Belikov stiffen as he noticed her presence and she sat down beside him anyway. She really wasn't the type to give up easily.
"Well hello there comrade, fancy seeing you here," she said brightly.
The only reply she was given was a curt "Rose." but she wasn't about to let that discourage her.
"It's nice out isn't it? Gotta enjoy the sunshine while we can."
Belikov still kept quiet so she leaned back and closed her eyes, a smile on her face as she did exactly what she said, enjoy the sunshine.
He sneaked a couple of glances at her and when he was sure her eyes were closed he seemed to observe her more closely. He mostly looked detached but occasionally his mask disappeared and I caught a glimpse of longing, pain or regret. Eventually he couldn't stand it anymore.
"Why are you here Rose?"
She opened her eyes and smiled at him. "Told you, enjoying the sun."
"You can do that anywhere. Why here?" He sounded tired.
She shrugged. "The rest of Court is kind of empty at this time, so when I saw you I figured a little company would be nice."
He looked at her in disbelief while I looked on in admiration. Hathaway was giving a whole new meaning to the word stubborn and I liked it. She met his gaze without looking away and after a while he was the one to break eye-contact and look down. "I wish you'd just leave me alone like I asked you."
"You know, I don't think you actually ever asked me," she said thoughtfully. "I'm pretty sure you just ordered me to a couple of times, and you know what I'm like with orders."
A somewhat hopeful look appeared on his face. "Rose, will you leave me alone? Please?"
She considered his question for a moment before: "No."
Belikov was getting frustrated again. He ran his hand through his hair and glared at her. "Why not?"
She glared right back at him. "I told you, just because you've given up doesn't mean I'm going to."
"So what, you're going to spend the rest of your life bothering me? Nothing is going to happen Rose. Things changed. I changed. No matter what happened between us before, it's over. We're over."
Ouch, that had to hurt. She recoiled for a moment but then she steeled herself and faced him again. "No Dimitri, I'm not going to spend the rest of my life bothering you. But you can't expect me to just throw away what we had because you're upset and feeling guilty. I get it you know, I know you feel horrible about the things you did when you were Strigoi. But it wasnt you!" she said vehemently.
"It was!"
"No it wasn't! And don't interrupt me, I wasn't done!"
His eyes hardened but he kept his mouth shut, so she took a deep breath to calm herself and continued: "I know you blame yourself, but one day you'll at least have to accept that I don't. It wasn't your fault that you were taken, and whatever happened after that wasn't your fault either. If you need time to come to terms with that then I understand. And if you think that's easier if I keep my distance for a while, then just tell me so. But don't just throw away everything we had, pushing me out of your life completely, because bad stuff happened to you."
He crossed his arms. "Bad stuff happened to other people because of me. To you."
"Yeah well, bad stuff happened to you because of Nathan, and bad stuff happened to Nathan because of God knows who else. I'm sure it's a long list and it'd take years to figure out who started the whole thing. If you think that'd help though, I'd be more than willing to look into it."
He shook his head. "That's not how things work Roza."
"I think it is," she answered stubbornly.
They were once again locked in a staring contest before eventually Hathaway stood up. "One day you're going to have to forgive yourself Dimitri. You can't go the rest of your life carrying the weight of the world on your shoulders. It'll destroy you."
"What I did was unforgivable."
She studied him for a moment before she sighed heavily. "So you keep saying. But whether you like it or not, I still have hope that one day you'll see that you're wrong and I want to be there when it happens. I know that's not going to happen from one day to the next, but at least try Dimitri."
He shook his head. "I can't."
"Well I hope you're wrong. You might've lost your life or soul or whatever in that stupid cave, but I lost part of myself as well. When you were taken, a part of my soul was ripped away as well. And I think the man you were that day, the man I love more than anything in the world, is still in there somewhere," she said, pointing at his chest. "And I'm willing to wait for you."
Belikov looked pained. "You shouldn't wait for me Rose. You have to move on with your life and forget about me."
"Yeah right," she snorted. "And no worries, I'm not going to wait forever. I love you and I think we deserve another chance at happiness, and I think you shouldn't decide that it's impossible in the state you're in now. But if you really can't forgive yourself then you're right, we can't be together anymore. I just hope you realize that if that's the case, the part of myself that I lost that day in the caves will be gone as well."
Hathaway turned away from him and walked away. As she passed me she nodded her head in my direction. I nodded back and gave her a small smile. It might not be much, but hopefully she understood that I admired what she was trying to do and would make her feel a little better after Belikov's harsh words earlier. The corners of her mouth turned up a little in answer.
Less than half a minute later Belikov stood up and walked towards me. I fell into step beside him and we made our way back to the guardian building in silence. Around halfway there I decided to speak up. "I think you should try you know."
"Try what?" I rarely talked to him, but if he was surprised by my words he didn't show it.
"To forgive yourself."
He shook his head and sounded depressed as he answered: "It's not that easy."
"No I'm sure it's not."
I took a moment and then I pointed at the slim figure walking quite a ways ahead of us, her dark hair dancing in the wind. "But things haven't been easy for her either, and yet, she's still fighting. She isn't taking the easy way out."
He chuckled and for the first time since I'd met him there was some real humor there. "Rose would never go for the easy way out. If you'd make her choose between a simple road and an unstable wooden bridge over a ravine leading to an active vulcano, she'd probably take the second option just for the sake of a challenge."
I laughed. "Yeah that sounds like Hathaway."
When we got to his room Guardian Durand was already waiting for us. He opened the door and went inside but I put my hand on Belikov's arm to stop him from following. "I think everyone deserves a future Belikov. Don't get too hung up on what you can't change. I think every single guardian alive would kill to have what you're throwing away."
I didn't wait for his answer before walking away and making my way to my room. It was time to get some sleep.
Author's note: I have to admit, I like this guy! Nothing like an outsider's perspective sometimes.
Obviously nobody tried to kill the Queen here and thus Rose wasn't arrested. What do you guys think would've happened without those events in the books?