-O-

Picturebook Romance

A Trolls fanfic

By Dreamsinger

Chapter Twenty

The Big Goodbye

"So how's your boy doing?"

My ears twitched as I recognized the king's jovial voice.

"Oh, he's doing great!"

Is that Jaunty?

I forgot about the sugarfruit I'd been looking for and moved closer, peering through the thick bushes that blocked my view. Curious, I moved sideways until I could see the aqua-blue hair and glittery bright magenta skin of one of my foster dads as he stood chatting with the king, whose orange skin and dark reddish-magenta hair were unmistakable. My other foster dad, Courtley, with skin and hair of light and dark purple, stood near his husband Jaunty.

I tilted my ears forward to hear them better, but habit kept me from joining my family. After what had happened between Poppy and me, I'd gone out of my way to escape the king's attention. I'd even asked Poppy to avoid mentioning me to her dad if she could. She hadn't really understood why, but by now she was used to my odd requests.

"He's a fine lad," Courtley commented warmly. "Jaunty and I couldn't be more proud of him if he were our own."

"I'm glad to hear it," the king said sincerely.

I smiled with bashful pride. Even after almost two years of living with Jaunty and Courtley in relative contentment, it still felt strange to hear that someone actually wanted me around. They were great foster dads, caring and fun-loving and always encouraging me, but unlike any other family I'd ever stayed with, we didn't talk much about the touchy-feely stuff. I really appreciated that.

"So has he ever, uh…"

I heard something I'd rarely heard in Jaunty's normally-enthusiastic voice: disappointment. "No, his colors haven't returned. We were hoping it would have happened by now."

Stung, I dropped the small wicker basket I was carrying on the grass. I thought they didn't care about that!

"Are you sure? Not even a little? Not even when we celebrated the sixth anniversary of our escape last month?"

"Actually..." Courtley exchanged glances with Jaunty, who sighed with what looked like discouragement and nodded. The light purple troll turned back to the king, grimacing apologetically. "He uh, he's gone through a rather rough time over the last few weeks. Acting anxious, refusing food, stomping off angrily when we tried to get him to play with us… It's been bad. We've had to spend quite a lot of time reassuring him."

Peppy made a series of tsk noises, shaking his head. "Well, that's…regrettable."

I scowled. Well, excuse me for being traumatized! Seriously, though, has it ever occurred to them that I might actually 'get happy' if they'd actually take the bergen menace seriously and do some brainstorming to find solutions instead of just pretending the problem doesn't exist! I mean it! I'd be ecstatic!

"And the nightmares!" Jaunty shook his head, his hands on his hips. "Every night. It breaks our hearts, Peppy… He's so on edge, he can't relax."

Guys, stop it! You don't have to tell him that!

"At least this year he finally let us comfort him," Courtley added. "After a week of constant nightmares, he asked if he could sleep with us in our bed. It helped him feel safer, so the poor lad could finally get some sleep."

Despite my exasperation, I couldn't help smiling a little, recalling how soothing it had been to have two big strong trolls to lean against, feeling my tension ease as the constant, nagging pressure to do something finally quieted. Tight muscles warmed and relaxed. Racing thoughts slowed, grew languid and still. Drifting, I listened to my quick, shallow breathing growing slow and heavy to match theirs before I drifted off into a deep, healing sleep.

Last year I had pretended everything was fine when the anniversary of our escape came around, stirring up my sense of danger and irritation at everyone's complacency, as it did every year around this time. I suppose I was a little cranky… And the only reason I decided to ask for help this year was because it only makes sense to stay in top shape for when the bergens find us, to have the best chance to escape, and help the other trolls escape, too. I mean, I was so exhausted I was falling asleep in class and stumbling over my own feet. It was the logical thing to do.

Well…and maybe I did want them to comfort me. So what? Can't a trolling want comfort from his…from his dads? I bit my lip, looking away from the three adults as a silly, embarrassed grin spread over my face.

It had taken me a long time to admit to myself that I loved them, and even now, I'd never said it to them. But I'd been working on that. I'm gonna do it this year. We'll be celebrating the anniversary of the day I came to live with them and we became a family soon. I'm gonna hug them and say I love them and ask if I can call them 'Dad'. Or Father, or Pop or something. Whatever they want. I'd been practicing saying it in the mirror when no one was home, and saying it to bugs and forest creatures to get used to it so I wouldn't falter or stammer when the time came. I was really looking forward to the joy I knew would be on their faces when I finally said it.

"Well, I'm sure he'll get his colors back someday," the king said encouragingly. "In the meantime, focus on addressing his physical needs. Trolls who are anxious often neglect self-care, which causes all kinds of mental and emotional problems that they may not even realize are partly due to not eating or eating only comfort foods, not bathing, not sleeping, not socializing…"

"Right you are, dude," Jaunty agreed enthusiastically. "And we make sure he gets plenty of good, hearty exercise to work off some of that stress and work up an appetite. He's become quite the baker, lately; did we tell you? You've gotta try his brownies."

Courtley jumped in before the king could answer. "Yes, and aside from these last few weeks, he's been sleeping so much better. We keep to a rigorous schedule of sports and games; rock-climbing, swimming, oh, all sorts of fun things. You should join us sometime."

"I'd love to, if I can find some free time. How about next week?"

I started to zone out and turned to leave, not really interested in small talk, but then a strange comment made me pause.

"So my strategy has been working, then?" the king asked.

I narrowed my eyes. Strategy? What strategy?

"Oh, yes, Jaunty and I have done just what you suggested, and it seems to be working. We never speak of it to Branchkin. He's happier that way. Well, not that he's ever happy, exactly, but you get the idea."

They never speak of what? What's going on?

"Good. And remember, don't ever be dismissive about his fears. He has the best interests of the village at heart, and that is very commendable. And after all, he's right. The bergens are still out there, and there is a chance that they could find us again someday."

My jaw dropped. Of all the- Did he just admit I'm right? So much for 'Oh, Branch, you're such a downer, still worrying about the bergens after so many years. You need to get out more'. I growled in outrage.

"What was that?" King Peppy tilted his head and Jaunty and Courtley looked around curiously. I stifled my mouth with both hands.

After a moment, Jaunty added, "Yeah, we don't mention the bergens or anything else that disturbs him if we can avoid it. That way he can focus on the here-and-now, instead of what happened in the past or what might happen in the future."

What? I was shocked. They're deliberately misdirecting my attention? What do they think I am, some scared little trolling that needs to be distracted from his bad dreams?…I guess I am, kind of. But the bergens are real!

"Oh, he's so lucky to have two wonderful guardians like you." King Peppy sounded pleased. "You two are doing a fantastic job. Well, I must be off now. Keep up the good work."

A job? Is that what am, just some kind of a job to them?

I knew that wasn't true, but inside I felt shaken, betrayed by this revelation about the two trolls I trusted most.

-O-

I waited until King Peppy was gone, then burst through the bush to land in front of my foster dads with a dramatic thump.

"Branch!"

"Nice landing, dude!"

I put my hands on my hips. "Okay, guys. What have you 'not spoken to me' about?"

Jaunty and Courtley exchanged glances, then Jaunty cleared his throat. "Um, well…"

"Nothing to get alarmed about," Courtley said lightly.

"Tell me!"

They looked at one another, and Jaunty said weakly, "But the king said we shouldn't…"

"Come on, guys! I'm almost twelve now. I'm not a little trolling anymore. What are you hiding?"

Again, they looked at each other, and Jaunty nodded. Courtley sighed and turned to me. "Do you remember a while back when I went on that trip with the other trolls to gather medicinal plants for Doc Whipple?"

"After that time Jaunty got sick with a fever?"

"Right. The Doc used up his supply of the dried herbs he'd brought with us when we escaped, so once Jaunty here was on the road to recovery, I volunteered to go with a group out into the forest to get the plants we needed to add to his herb garden."

"I remember. I really wanted to go with you, but you asked me to stay here and take care of Jaunty, so I did."

Courtley shifted uncomfortably, and I narrowed my eyes. "Something happened out there, didn't it?"

Neither of them spoke, but their silence could only mean one thing.

"You ran into bergens, didn't you?"

Courtley held up his hands. "No, no, we were perfectly safe. Never saw a single bergen. But…"

"But what?"

"We did see signs of them."

I sucked in a breath. "What signs?"

"Litter, mostly, and the remains of a campfire. Footprints, all from the same bergen, right near the open root tunnels. Broken twigs and other signs showed that they'd wandered around the nearby forest, although the signs petered out about halfway between there and here."

"Bergens… I told you they were still hunting us. I told everyone!" I yelled, torn between triumph, terror, and fury.

"Now, get hold of yourself, Branchkin. Remember, this was over a year ago."

"Were the signs fresh?" I demanded.

"Relatively. The old boot we found only had a thin layer of dust on it."

"We've gotta tell King Peppy. We've gotta move the village!" This time my voice came out high-pitched, frantic.

"Kiddo, we did tell the king. We told him as soon as we got back."

I was stunned. "And he didn't do anything?"

"Of course he did. He sent a few teams out to explore, all quiet-like, and posted guards around the perimeter of the village day and night for months afterward, just in case. And as you know, nothing happened. No attacks, no sightings, no signs of them at all. If the bergen by the root tunnels was searching for us – and I'm not saying they were; for all we know they were just on a camping trip – if they were searching for us, they obviously decided to look somewhere else. "

Jaunty said reassuringly, "We're still safe, little buddy. There's nothing to worry about."

"But we aren't. They're still looking for us. They are!"

I gave them a pleading look, but Courtley just shook his head and said firmly, "Now calm down, Branchkin. We won't have you worrying yourself sick."

"You know, despite what you think, there are other trolls in this village who are capable of seeing to its safety besides you, kiddo." Jaunty draped a reassuring arm over my shoulders. "It's not your job to carry the weight of the village on your own small shoulders, all by yourself."

"Although we appreciate your concern. We truly do, lad. And we're proud of you." Courtley joined his husband, enveloping me in a secure embrace.

I let them hug me, taking guilty comfort in their warm, safe closeness. "I know. It's just… You should have told me."

"King Peppy asked us not to worry the trolls unnecessarily. All of them, not just you. And you were still worried about Jaunty being ill. Remember, you'd only been with us a few months. You were still having trouble sleeping through the night, then. The truth is, we were more worried about you than the bergens."

"We've got your back, kid. Let the grownups handle the tough things, and you just go back to focusing on what's important to you."

That's just it. Nothing's more important to me than everyone's safety, especially yours.

-O-

After one particularly bad day, I sat on my bed and buried my face in my hands.

I can't do this anymore.

I had spent weeks trying to forget what I had heard, to forgive their well-intentioned deception. I really had. But every time one of them suggested we toss a ball around or go boingo-fruit riding or swimming or whatever, I'd picture King Peppy saying, "Keep him occupied so he won't have time to worry."

Then I'd imagine Jaunty answer, "No problem. We enjoy the challenge."

And Courtley would say something like, "He's a smart lad. Keeps us on our toes, that one," with his voice full of pride for me.

I knew they thought they were doing it for my own good, so I tried to put it out of my mind and go back to the way things used to be, but the truth was, I felt like I was being watched, and that they were reporting everything I did to the king.

On some level I knew I was being paranoid; but then, I wasn't sleeping much. King Peppy been right about that. Still, if I didn't deal with the cause of my insomnia, my mental state was only going to get worse.

I started snapping at people, cutting in line, neglecting to say 'please' and 'thank you' and a lot of other socially unacceptable things. I had several very uncomfortable conversations with my foster dads, gently being cajoled into apologizing to the trolls I had offended and promising to do better.

But I couldn't.

I thought they understood me. Nobody else has ever seem to take me seriously. Nobody else has ever really listened to me before. Now I wonder how much of that 'understanding' was just you guys humoring me.

I knew they'd hidden the truth because they loved me. But as much as I fought against it, after weeks of sleepless nights, with thoughts bouncing back and forth behind clenched eyelids, eventually I admitted the truth:

If I can't trust you to tell me something as important as this, then…I can't trust you at all.

-O-

With the muted sounds of the Beadfest off in the distance, I napped on. At some level I was aware of some kind of quiet activity going on around me, but the soft, cheery sound of Poppy's voice and the feel of her hands in my hair reassured me. I felt safe with her.

As I sank deeper into sleep, my mind was caught up in a maelstrom, agonizing over what I should do about Jaunty and Courtley before I finally decided to ask Laurel for the advice that would unintentionally lead to my infamous Incident. But as disastrous as that advice turned out to be, the months I spent living alone also taught me just how much a haven having a place of my very own could be, and I never forgot that.

-O-

"I want a pod of my own."

"What?"

"For my twelfth birthday, I want a pod of my own," I repeated.

"You're kidding, right?"

"Good joke, lad."

"Do I ever joke?" I gave them a sardonic look.

"Well, no, but…"

"Are you unhappy here?"

Deadpan, I said, "Guys, I'm Branch. I'm never happy."

There was an awkward silence, and then I lifted an eyebrow. "I'm kidding."

Courtley blinked. "Wait, I thought you said-"

"For real, an actual joke?" Jaunty looked delighted, and laughed.

"So you really don't want a pod of your own. Ha ha, good joke, lad-"

I waved my hands in the air. "No, I meant I was joking about not joking – I – ahhh!" I lifted my face to the sky, groaning. "Guys, let's not get off track here. I was not joking about wanting a pod of my own."

They exchanged concerned looks.

"But…why?" Courtley asked softly.

"Don't you like it here, Branchkin?"

Now they were following my mental script.

"Whaaat?" I denied lightly, turning on all of my persuasiveness and managing a fairly credible smile. "It's been great here, really. Better than great. I've learned so much from you both over the last two years – how to cook and clean and take care of a garden, how to do a triple backflip on a zipper while throwing a buzzyball into the net with my hair… I can play all kinds of sports and run for a long time without getting out of breath. I can catch fish and pick mushrooms and berries and gather wild herbs at the edge of the forest, and lots more stuff; I really can't thank you enough."

"You're very welcome, lad, but what does that have to do with…"

"Well, you've always encouraged me to challenge myself, right? So I've been thinking: what could be a greater challenge than me living alone, taking care of myself with no help from anybody?"

"That's not exactly what we meant by 'challenge', little dude."

"If you just want to challenge yourself, why not a camping trip for a few nights by yourself?"

"It's hard to explain." Actually, I'd planned it all out ahead of time, coming up with a few good reasons to explain why I needed to leave the first stable home I'd ever had, but I had to be careful to not to show them how hard it was for me to ask to leave.

"Remember how scared I was that the king was going to banish me because I hit the princess? Well, the thing is…I still am."

"No one's going to banish you, lad." Courtley smiled in the fatherly way that even now I found reassuring.

"It's not that. I meant that I still have this fear, deep down, that I'm still a helpless little trolling who can't take care of himself if the worst should ever happen." I spread out my hand. "This is something I need to do. To build up my confidence and prove to myself that I'm not helpless anymore. Please, guys. Let me do this. Who knows? It might be just the trick to make me happy and get back my true colors."

I felt a stab of guilt for lying to them, for dangling the 'happiness' carrot in front of their faces. The last thing this would do was make me happy.

"Well, maybe…" Jaunty looked questioningly at his husband.

Always the more perceptive of the two, Courtley rubbed his chin thoughtfully. "Branchkin, you've never mentioned wanting a pod of your own before. Is there something else going on?"

Jaunty shrugged and I could see him visibly trying to throw off the strained atmosphere between us. "Why don't we all go for a nice game of-"

Aw, they're not gonna let me do it!

"NO!" I exploded. "No more distractions! I know I was just an assignment to you from the king. You never wanted me as your son! Look at me! I'm defective! Gray and serious and totally not interested in parties!"

Gasps.

I clenched my teeth. "You're both fools if you think the bergens won't find us someday. Even King Peppy said so. And then to hide the fact that you found signs of them so nearby from me?"

Full of bitter misery at having the closest thing I'd ever had to a happy life ruined, I tried to control my trembling voice. "I… I thought I might actually be able to trust you, but you betrayed me. I can't live with you anymore. How can I ever trust such liars again?"

Bigger gasps. In horror, I watched tears form in their eyes. Trolls never called each other names. Not even in my earliest days with them had I ever been so blunt, so cruel.

Then they stepped toward me, arms reaching to hug. I stepped back, shaking my head slowly. With my lower lip quivering, I turned and ran.

I hid from their calls in the top of the tallest tree in the village, closed up inside a dark hair-cocoon under the once-familiar weight of guilt and turmoil as a slow trickle of tears dripped onto my knees.

I was right to confront them, wasn't I? It had to be said. They had two years to tell me, and they didn't. If they really felt that there was no threat, it should have been okay to tell me, right? The fact that they didn't could just mean that they believe that there's no danger and that I just couldn't handle the news. But if there is danger, then they should be telling everyone, not keeping it secret! They should at least have told me. I'm…I'm supposed to be their son.

Well, I can't be now. I sighed disconsolately, recognizing the rift between us now, caused by their well-intentioned betrayal. For all I know, they've been keeping quiet about all sorts of dangers. They only report them to the king…

Wait a minute… The king. All I have to do is convince him to give me my own pod.

I was right. I used my 'challenging myself might finally make me happy' pitch on the king, and it worked without a hitch. Jaunty and Courtley weren't happy about it, but they went along with it, for my sake.

-O-

If only I hadn't lost my pod.

If only I hadn't made the nearly-fatal oversight that brought my haven smashing to the ground, nearly killing me. In time, I might have been able to reconcile with my former foster dads, to see them around the village and be able to enjoy their company without the rush of conflicting emotions that hit me every time I saw them – anger, disappointment, love, grief.

But I guess I really was still just a trolling after all.

-O-

After my Incident, I was lying in bed in Doc Whipple's pod when the door opened and Jaunty and Courtley came hurrying in. For just a moment I was pleased to see them. I had avoided them for all the months I lived in my own pod, the one I no longer had thanks to my own carelessness.

Then I remembered why I had been avoiding them, and my smile faded.

"Branchkin!" Jaunty called.

"Don't hug me!" I yelled just before they would have thrown themselves on me.

"Oh, sorry, sorry."

"It's just so good to see you awake, lad. You had us so worried. Thank goodness you're going to be all right. Doc Whipple said…"

As I listened to them, it became obvious that they assumed I was going to move back in with them. I was tempted, but my reason for leaving hadn't changed. I knew they would continue to be overprotective, and hide anything they thought might disturb me, no matter how dangerous. And they would expect me to go back to spending all my free time playing games with them.

That's when I realized that my months alone had changed me. I still liked to play sports, but I had developed a strong interest in engineering, something that they knew nothing about.

Looking at them now was like looking at another life, one I had left behind, with mostly fond memories. I wanted to keep those memories untarnished.

Besides…Jaunty and Courtley are two good, loving trolls who don't deserve the turmoil I'd probably put them through if I did go back. The nicest thing I can do for them is to let them keep their happy home happy.

I interrupted their cheerful chatter. "I thought I was going to live with Leafe. That's what King Peppy said."

They looked puzzled. "Leafe? There must be some mistake."

Jaunty said reassuringly, "We'll talk to Peppy and sort this all out."

If they do, they might convince him to make me stay with them, and this will all have been for nothing!

Suddenly weary and heartbroken, I said heavily, "You aren't listening. I don't want to live with you anymore."

I closed my eyes to avoid looking at their shocked faces.

"But, Branchkin-"

"I know we sort of fumbled the ball with you before, but that's no reason to-"

Loudly and slowly, I stated, "I don't need parents. I don't want parents."

I opened my eyes and gave them the coldest stare I could. "I don't want you."

I made myself glare at their hurt faces before they said,

"We'll talk about it later."

"Yes, when you're feeling better."

"No!" I yelled. "I'm telling you, I'm sick of it. And I'm sick of you! Sneaking around, reporting about me to King Peppy behind my back. I thought we were a family, but I was just a job. An assignment from the king, to watch me and make sure I didn't keep causing problems for everyone!"

They were stunned silent. It was all I could do to hold my face frozen, desperately hoping they couldn't see how close I was to breaking down.

I knew they loved me, even if they hadn't at first. They weren't the problem. The problem was me. Everyone I'd ever loved I'd hurt in some way. Up to now it had been bearable because I hadn't lived with anyone long enough to seriously impact their lives, and because I'd tried not to get attached to anyone.

But I loved them now. My parents. And look what I'd done to them. It was tearing me apart, adding to the burden of their pasts, and that wasn't fair to them. Or to me.

"So go away!"

I clenched my teeth, my head aching, my cracked ribs throbbing with every heavy breath as I tried not to burst into tears.

"Please, just go away," I whispered brokenly, unable to hold back the tear that trickled down my check.

Finally Jaunty relented. "All right, Branchkin. If you think that's what you really need."

Courtley put a gentle hand on my cheek. "Just remember, you can come to us any time, for any reason, all right? We love you."

"Yeah, kiddo, we'll always love you."

I managed to wait until they left before I cried.

-O-

Face it, Branch. They're not coming.

It took months after I went to live with Leafe before I finally admitted to myself that I was waiting for Jaunty and Courtley to come and get me. I pretended that I didn't. I told myself, If they really cared about you, they'd have come by now. Or they do care, but I hurt them so bad they don't want me around anymore.

While the first explanation really hurt, the second was worse, because it meant that they had wanted nothing more than to protect me, and that me leaving them was the most hurtful thing I could possibly have done to get back at them.

And as much as I wanted to deny it, or justify it, I'd wanted to hurt them. At night I would lie awake, staring up into the dark hollow at the top of Leafe's pod, listening to him breathe serenely as I roiled in shame and self-recrimination.

I can't believe I called them liars, and fools. I'm the fool! And there's nothing I can do to fix this. Even if I apologize, they won't want me live with them again, any more than any of my other so-called 'parents' did once I was gone. Even if they did let me come back, it wouldn't be the same anymore.

No, it has to be them. They have to ask me to come back. If they don't, then that means they really don't want me.

I mean, why would they? They can be happy now that I'm gone. It's better for everyone this way, because the truth is, they want me to be a normal, colorful, 'happy' trolling and I'm never gonna be.

I can't be the son they want, the son they deserve. And I don't want to be a disappointment to them.

I tried to ignore the tears slowly seeping down into my hair.

Despite making my decision, I still harbored a tiny flame of hope, hidden deep inside, that one day there would be a knock on the door and Jaunty and Courtley would be standing there, arms open wide to bring me home. Then one day someone told me that they had had a trolling of their own.

And that tiny wisp of hope went out.

-O-

Poppy watched as Branch grew restless, his face and hands twitching. He must be dreaming.

"No…" he breathed. "No, please…"

She took a closer look, noticing the distress on his face.

"Wait…" he whispered brokenly, with a hint of a whimper. "Don't leave me… Wait for me…"

"Branch?" Poppy leaned over him in alarm just as tears appeared at the corner of his eyes. "Branch, wake up. What's the matter?"

She put a hand on his chest and he jumped awake with a start.

"What? What's goin' on?" he said blearily, sitting up. He blinked hard to clear his eyes and she watched the tears run down his cheeks.

"Oh, Branch…" she whispered, feeling her own eyes well up.

"Poppy? Poppy!" He touched her upper arm, the worry on his face making him look just the way he used to in his gray days. "What's wrong? Why are you so sad?"

"I'm not the one who's sad, Branch," she said, her tone unsteady as she put a hand on his face, running her thumb through the tearline. "You are. You're crying."

"I'm – no, I'm-" He stopped in confusion and put a hand to his other cheek, then gave her a guilty look and pulled away, wiping his face with the heels of his hands. "It's nothing. I'm fine. Just a bad dream."

Then he sniffled, and Poppy offered him their one leftover napkin. He took it and blew his nose, facing away from her with his shoulders hunched as if embarrassed or ashamed of his feelings, the way he used to be.

Wanting to do more for him, Poppy crawled over to pick up the far edge of the cotton picnic cloth they were sitting on and poured a generous amount of water on it from their water flask, then walked over to him on her knees. "Here, let me," she said softly as he turned to look at her, the once-familiar lines of strain returned to his face.

She lifted his chin so that he was looking up at her, almost like one of the trollings she taught, and began gently wiping his face, washing away all traces of his tears. He didn't protest, closing his eyes obediently as if he were a little trolling again. By the time she was done he looked a little calmer.

"Thanks."

She sat back on her legs. "Do you want to talk about it?"

He looked uncomfortable, avoiding her gaze again. "No. I'm good, really."

Poppy reached out to touch his hand. "Please, Branch. Remember, we promised to tell each other the truth. It's not good to hide how you feel."

"I know." His face closed down. "I can't help it, Poppy. For so long, keeping my mouth shut about how I felt was my best coping mechanism."

"Coping? For what?"

He sighed. "For any situation where I felt vulnerable."

"Oh." She bit her lip. Why does that sound so wrong, and yet sort of make sense? That's not what we're taught as trollings, but then, he has issues with anxiety that most of us don't…

"I can see that working for short-term situations, maybe," she said reluctantly. "But sooner or later it would get to be too much and then you'd snap, right? And have a panic attack or shout at some poor troll, blasting them with hostility they didn't deserve."

He hung his head. "Yeah. You're right."

"Please tell me, Branch. Maybe I can help." She moved to sit beside him, smiling hopefully at him as she took his hand in hers. "What was your bad dream about?"

"Well, it wasn't a bad dream, exactly. I mean, there weren't monsters or danger or Cloud Guy or anything like that. I was just dreaming about my old foster parents."

"Oh, really? Which ones? You had a lot of them."

"Jaunty and Courtley."

"Oh, yeah, I remember them. They were two really cool guys."

"Yeah, living with Jaunty and Courtley was…it was great, really." Her boyfriend got a faraway look on his face, his sky-blue eyes suddenly alight with fond memories. "And I didn't know what to do with 'great', especially at first. I had two awesome years with them. If I hadn't overheard that conversation…"

He spoke for quite a while, telling the fascinated young queen things about his past that she'd never known. How he'd come to care for the two older males like family, learning and growing with them for two years before finding out they'd been keeping secrets from him that ultimately undermined his trust in them to the point where it was ruining their relationship. So he had made the heartbreaking choice to leave them for a pod of his own.

"Wasn't that when your pod fell and you got hurt?"

"Yeah. I made a rookie mistake, and boy, did I pay for it."

He shook his head, half smiling. Poppy was encouraged by the return of his sense of humor. See, talking things out does help make you feel better.

"You know, Courtley and Jaunty were basically secret agents, sent to spy on the bergens. It would've actually been pretty cool, if not for the horrific things they discovered." He sighed. "No wonder they understood me so well. They'd seen a lot of dark stuff compared to most trolls, and it didn't leave them untouched, judging by Courtley's nightmares. If only-"

Poppy deliberately interrupted his gloomy thoughts. "Why didn't you just ask them to promise not to hide things from you anymore? Or what if you'd gone to my dad and asked him to tell them to tell you the truth?"

He stared at her. "I actually managed to follow that."

Persistently, she continued, "So then what if they had apologized to you and promised not to do it again? Couldn't you have forgiven them and let them be your parents?"

"I don't think so."

"Really?" She tilted her head curiously. "I don't understand. I mean, you'd think you'd have wanted to stay where you got along so well and you liked them so much."

"Well, I… That's a good point… Hm." Branch brought up a hand and touched his knuckles thoughtfully to his chin. Poppy waited, torn between curiosity and empathy. "I think… I was looking for a reason to leave. I think maybe I wanted to leave them because I did like them. I liked them so much it scared me. Back then, I never stayed anywhere for long, so I couldn't afford to let myself love anybody, because sooner or later I'd have to leave them, and it would hurt me all over again."

"That's…what's a word that means 'worse than awful'?"

Branch opened his mouth and she cut him off. "Never mind, I don't want to know."

After a moment she couldn't help but ask, "But even so, you must've loved somebody."

"I…I did." He looked down, then up at her. "Love them, I mean. They were the closest thing I ever had to real parents, and it broke my heart to have to leave them. So I stopped."

"Stopped what?"

"Stopped letting myself to love anybody. I didn't want to let anybody in. That's when I locked my heart behind the golden door I told you about, when we did those scrapbooks last night."

"Oh, Branch." She sighed, feeling a strange mix of sadness and contentment as a new goal materialized in the back of her mind. "Well, I'm glad you decided to open it for me."

"Oh, I didn't," he said lightly.

"Huh?"

He smiled at her, his blue eyes serene now that he'd finally had the chance to tell another of the most painful moments of his life to someone he trusted.

"No matter how I tried, you were the one person I couldn't keep out. The one person who wouldn't let me keep her out. A certain pushy, naïve, overenthusiastic pink troll who could never take 'no' for an answer."

He put his arm around her and she leaned against his warm side.

"The troll who grew up to be the Sunshine of my life."

Author's Note:

Anxiety is often a result of feeling helpless, and the best way to fight it is to do things that empower us, even little things. Notice how little Branchkin responded with increased confidence and a sense of purpose when his worries were addressed with the Stroll Patrol and the Doc asking him to make a healing soup and being given the opportunity to help nurse Jaunty back to health, compared to when Courtley and Jaunty chose to "protect" him from bad news. Although in truth, that situation had no solid good choices; they had to choose whether to risk losing his trust someday when he found out, or undoing all the progress he'd made, emotionally.

Courtley has nightmares like Branchkin, but he is able to negate their power over him and stay happy because he talks them over with Jaunty. Somehow just verbalizing our fears – even just writing them down in a journal – help make sense of them and helps us to make decisions to change what we dream-fear the most. It's also good for helping you sleep.

Part of the reason I created the couples Jaunty and Courtley, and Leafe and Cherry Blossom, was to give Branch some healthy role models for normal, loving, romantic relationships. Now that he's got one of his own…I believe that like most of us, he's going to be thinking of the people he's known and the way they treat each other, deciding which examples to follow and which to refuse to be like. We know from Trolls holiday that Branch can handle delicate situations with sensitivity and his own brand of cleverness, and, I think, the kind of compassion that comes as a result of being the one receiving comfort himself, which implies that he's had some good experiences with others in the past.