There Goes My Life
Chapter Three
Disclaimer: All characters belong to Stephenie Meyer. The plot, along with a few of the characters I add here and there belong to my ruthless muse.
Edward paced his hotel room, chewing on the corner of his thumb. He paused in front of the large window that overlooked a good portion of downtown, Ithaca. He shuddered as he remembered walking those terrifying streets as a hungry boy in search of his mother.
He shook his head and turned away from the view. He had promised Bella he'd give her an hour and a half to rest before they left to go back to the Family Service Office.
He glanced down at his watch; he had an hour to burn. He sat on the edge of his bed, and took a long sip of the cold raspberry tea he had purchased from the vending machine before retiring to his room.
He reached for the remote, scanning through the channels a few times before clicking off the television and tossing the remote aside as he stood back up, "screw it," he grumbled to himself.
His knuckles rapped against her door a minute later, "Edward?" She asked through the door. He could picture her stretching up to peek through the peephole.
"Yeah," he said, as she pulled the door open.
Fuck him.
She was sumptuous with her hair twirled up in a messy bun, dressed only in comfortable black leggings paired with a cozy gray sweater.
He shook his head and smiled sheepishly.
"What's the matter?" She asked, letting him into her room.
He rubbed the back of his neck, his gaze dropped away from hers, "I need your help." He requested, his skin felt hot and itchy, as he tugged at his collar, "I've - I've never held a baby," he explained.
Her eyebrows rose at his announcement, she blinked at him, "but Alice is like, eighteen - nineteen. You would've been like what, twenty, when she was born? "
"I was almost twelve," He said dryly, as his forehead wrinkled, "wait - how old do you think I am?" He asked, looking up sharply.
"Dunno, like forty?" She shrugged, grabbing her purse after she slipped her socked feet into a pair of boots and tugged on her coat.
He eyed her, he shook his head, "you really think I'm forty?" He asked.
"Yeah," she nodded, "I mean, no. I don't think I really had an age in mind. I didn't mean to apply that I thought you were old, you're not, but I assumed because Emmett just turned thirty-five and you're obviously the older brother."
Edward lifted an eyebrow, and his lips twitched, as he watched her unravel, "I'm not, Emmett is five years older than me. I'm almost thirty." He smiled.
Her smile widened, and she laughed, "Oh well, that makes sense, I guess," she mused, "anyway, back on topic, you must have held her? C'mon she was your baby sister."
He shook his head as he followed her to the elevator, "no, well, maybe once or twice," he admitted, looking over her shoulder, "but, one night when she was still little, she was fussing so I crept into her nursery. I wanted to be the greatest big brother ever." He smiled briefly, but it fell away as he continued. "I took her from her crib," he paused, glancing down at his watch, "anyway, I must have been holding her wrong or something because my mom came in and took her from me, and it was one of the only time she ever scolded me. I never dared to pick her up again after that. I don't recall interacting with her until she could walk and talk."
Bella nodded weakly, unsure what to say, so she reached out and squeezed his hand until the elevators doors sprung open.
"Where are we going?" He asked as he hit the unlock button on the Tahoe's keyless entry.
"To the toy store," she told him as she looked up the nearest one on her phone then entered the address into the vehicle's GPS. "But first, coffee," she announced, pointing to a Starbucks down the road from the hotel.
He rolled his eyes and pulled into the coffee shop's parking lot, "don't judge me, you woke me up, remember?" She smirked at him, "and you can pay, too," she teased, as she dug through her purse for her wallet.
When they got back to California, he really needed to have her transferred to a different floor. He had a sinking suspicion that if he wasn't careful, Isabella Swan was going to change his life.
He rolled down the window. He leaned back so she could read the menu, his nostrils flaring as his nose caught the scent of her lavender shampoo. He didn't comment as she ordered her medium, skinny, vanilla latte, with a blueberry muffin. He shook his head and pushed her money away, and without protest, he paid for her snack and drove to the store as she ate.
"Thank you," she smiled, looking more alert after her carb and sugar intake. She followed him into the large, Toys R Us/Babies R Us combo store. His eyes widened as he was overstimulated by the bright colors and the vast amount of children stuff stretched out before him.
"Edward?"
His eyes jumped to hers, "it's okay," she murmured, "come on." She took his hand and led him back to the aisle of baby dolls.
"What are we doing?" He asked quietly, lips quirking upwards as she searched the shelves.
She plucked a realistic, lifelike doll off the shelf, "here, see" she said, cradling the doll to her chest.
He lifted an eyebrow, "what in the world are you doing?" He repeated, running a hand over his mouth.
Bella rolled her eyes and thrust the doll into his arms, "here," she said, "like this," she adjusted his arms so that he was using both hands. She chewed on her bottom lip thoughtfully, "always be careful with new babies. Support their heads and necks." She murmured, "they have soft spots on the top of their heads, they're really kind of gross" she muttered with a chuckle, as she showed him the general area they were located.
His chest tightened, "oh."
"Crash course," she explained, leading him over to the Baby R Us side of the store. She placed the doll in a show crib, then taught him how to lift it in and out of the bed carefully.
His eyes scanned around the room, taking in the cribs, dressers, bedding, rows of high chairs, car seats, bouncers, pack n plays, bottles, formula, diapers, and clothes, "infants really need all this stuff?"
"Not all but a lot," Bella chuckled quietly as she showed him how to unbuckle a car seat. "Very good," she praised him as he correctly lifted the doll out of the seat.
"We should get them something," he said, "maybe a toy or an outfit." He shrugged, looking away from her. "I remember not having anything of my own when I lived with my first foster family, the Tylers. They were a decent couple." He mused quietly.
"That's a good idea," she agreed, "luckily, clothes are pretty much sized by age. Why don't you pick out a gift bag for a boy and girl, no better yet, pick out backpacks, and I'll grab a bag for the babies." She suggested thoughtfully.
Edward nodded, "Yeah," looked at her for a second, and wondered where the klutzy, self-conscious girl had gone.
"Go on," she said.
He swallowed and walked off. With the help from a store clerk, he was directed to the rows of school bags, many decorated with cartoon characters. He frowned deeply, taking in the colorful ponies, bears, puppies, trains, cars and planes with faces on them. He looked the bags over with care before deciding on two plain backpacks, one a soft purple and the other a rich blue.
He located Bella in what appeared to be a small sea of baby clothes where she was contemplating over two blankets. "These work?" He held up the bags for her to assess.
She smiled, "Yeah," and he placed them in the cart, next to the items she had gathered. "Anyway, I sort of figured - assumed, one pair of pajamas, one outfit, and a stuffed animal," Bella said, looking over the piles she had established for each child. She also placed two, soft baby blankets in the cart. "I think I'm done, I went generic, being as, uh, we don't know what they fancy." She explained as he felt the baby blanket.
He cleared his throat and nodded, "that's brilliant, good thinking Bella." He then placed the stuffed dog and unicorn on the checkout conveyor. He swiped his card as Bella settled the items in their individual bags.
"Do you want me to drive?" Bella asked quietly as he chewed another Tums.
He shook his head, "No, I'll feel better if I do... not that I'm not saying you're a bad driver." His face turned a dull shade a pink as he gave her a crooked, almost sheepish grin.
"You need to feel in control," she smirked at him. "I get it."
She turned the radio on and scanned through the stations, before settling on classic rock when she noticed Edward's lips started moving along with the lyrics. She kept alert as he drove them into downtown, "You've got a nice voice," he complimented her singing as she trailed off when the music stopped.
She laughed and climbed out of the SUV, letting his accolade fall on deaf ears. She squeezed his upper arm gently, "you've got this," she murmured as she picked up the gift bag for his twin brothers, letting him grab the backpacks for his older siblings.
"What if," he cut himself off as she placed her hand over his and stopped him from messing with his shirt collar.
She made sure she had his gaze before speaking slowly, "it'll be fine, now let's go, it's freezing." His frown smoothed, he reached out and brushed a string of brown hair away from her eyes before heading into the building.
Mark Goldberg greeted them kindly, "right this way," he directed them down the hall and held open the door to a room with bright, cheerful walls, filled with toys and games. There was a sofa and television in one corner, "this is one of our supervised visitation rooms," Mark explained. "I'll bring in your siblings in just a minute, why don't you two have a seat and make yourselves comfortable. Can I get you anything?" He asked.
Edward glanced at Bella who shook her head, "no, we're good, thank you," he murmured politely, taking a seat next to Bella on the sofa.
He wiped his hands on his jeans, and his eyes kept darting to the door. Bella frowned softly, "deep breaths," she whispered, "in, out." She nudged his shoulder gently, "I should totally charge you for this. Bella Swan, personal meditation consultant."
He let out a quiet, almost strangled laugh, but his shoulders loosened, and he smiled. Bella's head whipped around as the door opened and Mark and an older woman, who Edward didn't recognize led the children in, both carrying a car seat and placing them on the table.
"Mia, Asher," Mark said gently with a warm smile, as he knelt down in front of the small boy and girl, "this is your big brother, Edward," he introduced him.
Edward forced a smile and gave them a small wave, his heart clenched as he stared down at Asher. The young boy, with his messy brown locks, looked like he had been photocopied out of one of the few pictures Edward had of himself as a young child.
Bella bit her lip to keep from smiling as she watched Edward squirm under the scrutiny of the children. Mia stared at him silently, a pink and purple pacifier clamped between her teeth. "If he's our brother, how come I never saw him before?" Asher asked, squinting up at Edward with a distrustful frown.
Edward cleared his throat and replied smoothly, "because, I live a long way away from here," he explained, "and truthfully kid, I hadn't spoken to our mom since way before you were born."
Asher wrinkled his nose, "Oh," he said simply.
Edward nodded, "Yeah, oh," he agreed, "want a present?" He held the blue bag out towards Asher who plucked it from his hand. He let out a slow breath as both children seemed happy with their new gifts. He rubbed his beard as he took in the twins; they were small and pink, dressed in blue. His lips tugged upwards as he watched them sleep serenely in their car seats unaware of the world around them.
"They're tiny," he stated quietly, a dark frown stretching over his face. "Are they all supposed to be this small?" He asked, turning his eyes to Mark.
"The twins, they're both," Mark opened a folder, "let's see here, they're both close to seven and a half pounds now, small but average for twins. Now, Mia and Asher, yes, they're both considered underweight."
Edward ran a hand through his hair, "right."
Mia held up her unicorn to Edward. He smiled down at her, "pretty?" He said unsurely, he chewed on his lower lip before he gently picked her up. Her large brown eyes pulled him in; he was reminded of Alice when she was a small girl. He settled her on his hip, "does she have a name?" He asked, his voice taking on a much softer tone, one Bella had never heard before.
"Spot." She murmured around her pacifier.
Asher's face turned red and his mouth twisted up in a fierce scowl, "You can't call her Spot. I named my dog, Spot, dummy."
"Hey now," Edward frowned. He waited until he caught Asher's attention before speaking. And the words that poured from his mouth came from his father. "We don't call people names Asher," he informed him firmly. "It's hurtful, and we don't use our words to hurt people."
He rubbed Mia's back as he knelt down next to Asher who blinked at him owlishly. Edward knew he couldn't order the young boy to apologize. For he knew there was a good chance Asher would have no idea what he was talking about, nor would he understand what he wanted from him. He took a deep breath and settled for a distraction. "Let's all look up new name ideas."
Bella pulled out her phone, "Siri, what are good names for Unicorns?" The next hour passed quickly, and the children slowly started to relax. Mia settled on the name Bubbles for her new pet, and they all talked as they colored a series of pictures. Edward then took Holden from Bella and placed the sleeping boy back in his seat.
"Don't you dare," she teased him quietly when he reached for Braxton, she cuddled the newborn close. "I'll put him in his seat," she promised.
He nodded and turned back to Mia. "Do you have Bubbles?" She nodded as he zipped up her coat. He tapped her pacifier, and she hugged him.
"I have Spot," Asher said as he zipped up his backpack. Edward swallowed, "Is there anything I can get you from your old house, our mom's house?" He asked, putting the pictures in his briefcase.
"My dragon, it's blue and green," Asher nodded, "and my blanket. It has stars and stuff on it."
"Okay, I'll try and find them," Edward agreed, giving his shoulder a small squeeze.
"It's time to go," Mark announced.
Edward's eyes narrowed at the kind man, but he held his tongue as he covered Holden with his new blanket. "We're almost ready," he promised and turned his eyes to Mia, "and you darling?"
"My dolly," he nodded, watching as Bella helped her put her sparkly Mary Janes back on her feet.
He frowned deeply as the woman returned and collected Braxton from Bella's arms as Mark lifted up Holden's seat from the coffee table. His stomach burned, and he felt hollow as Mia's hand slipped from his as he watched Mark lead them from the room.
He forced a small smile as Asher turned back to look at him, his young eyes wide with fear and sadness as he gave him a small wave goodbye. "See you later alligator," Edward called softly, the words fell from his lips without thought.
His chest squeezed painfully as Asher's face lit up, he ran back to him and hugged his leg tightly, "Afterwhile crocodile," he murmured, as Edward ran his hand through his wild hair.
He dropped down onto the sofa as the door shut quietly behind Mark. Bella stayed quiet, pretending to focus on her phone as she watched Edward place his elbows on his knees and held his head between his hands, his fingers scratching at the back of his scalp.
"What the fuck am I going to do?" He whispered thickly, as he tried to calm himself down. "I thought, I thought, I wouldn't," he shook his head, standing. "I thought I wouldn't feel anything and that I could go home, forget about ... this." He ended with a wounded hiss.
"Oh," Bella murmured, putting her phone in her purse.
"But I did. That boy," he waved his hand jerkily, "and Mia," he croaked.
She nodded, her smile stretched across her face sadly. "You felt connected to them. They're your siblings."
He dropped her gaze, he didn't need to think or make a list. As much as he'd like to pick up his cell and call his mom, he didn't need to have a long, drawn out discussion with his parents, he knew what he had to do, what he was going to do.
"I'll raise them," he told Mark when he returned.
The interview went smoothly with the social worker. He filled out the necessary paperwork, and answered a series of question, supplied proof of his income, home, and his ability to care for them.
"I'll call you in the morning with a court time," Mark promised, as he walked them out of the office.
Author Note...
A big Thank you to Sunflower Fran for beta'ing.
I pray you all are well, big hugs and lots of love. I hope you enjoyed this new chapter and please leave a Review.
- Emily