There Goes My Life
Chapter Seven
...
Braxton wailed; his little face was bright red. His cries sounded similar to a baby goat, Edward mused as he rubbed his temple. "Shh... B," he murmured desperately, staring down at the small bundle that had squirmed out of his blanket after Edward had placed him in the middle of the bed.
His eyes darted over to Holden, who continued to sleep peacefully in his car seat, undisturbed by his brother's meltdown. "What do you want, Brax?" He asked the boy, as he yanked a hand through his untidy hair.
Asher rolled over and glanced up at his big brother, "maybe his diaper?" the almost, six-year-old suggested.
"I've changed him, he's dry, he's fed and burped. He shouldn't be crying," Edward stated with a puzzled frown as Braxton continued to scream.
Asher shrugged, "well, I wish he'd stop," he grumbled under his breath as he turned the volume up a few notches on the television as his attention refocused on the cartoons playing across the screen.
"Me and you both kid," Edward agreed. Scooping up the newborn, he began trying once more to calm the infant with a few gentle pats on his back, the way he had observed Bella doing earlier.
The bathroom door opened slowly, Mia shuffled out with her pink and purple pull-up around her ankles and a pack of wipes in one hand, "needs help," she requested softly around her pacifier.
Edward's eyebrows rose, "I," he froze as the color drained from his face, and a look of horror settled across his features. Braxton squirmed against him and let out a new wave of fury.
"Shh.." He whispered faintly to Braxton as Mia continued to gaze up at him expectantly. He stared back at her a bit lost. His fingers itched for his phone; it'd only take him a second to send out an SOS text.
"Thank God," he breathed as the hotel door swung open and Bella stepped through with her suitcase. "What the hell took so long?" He snapped quietly, but there was no bite to his words, just desperation.
"Language," she chided, giving him a pointed look.
He rubbed the back of his neck, "Sorry, where have you been?" He rephrased the question, as he gently jostled Braxton trying to stop his fit.
"I wasn't anticipating this move; I had to pack," she explained, placing her suitcase in the small closet. "I thought they'd sleep a little longer," she smiled sympathetically, "sorry," she took Mia's hand and led her back into the bathroom.
A minute later, they re-emerged from the restroom; Mia was redressed and smiling as she climbed up next to Asher.
"Give him here," Bella requested as she suppressed a grin as Edward gently pushed Braxton into her awaiting arms, "When you panic, they panic," she murmured. Patting and rocking him, he let out a small, foul-smelling belch and her nose scrunched up as gooey warmth spread down her shirt.
"I'll... uh," Edward smirked, his eyes softened with amusement, "I'll get you a rag," he stated.
"Thanks," she said a touch dryly. "Grab him a new pair of pajamas," she requested, as she accepted the damp cloth and cleaned up as best as she could.
She wiped Braxton down and changed his pajamas, "so many buttons," she mumbled, before placing him on her clean shoulder. She rocked him steadily until his fussing, quieted and he drifted off.
Edward moved across the room and removed the twin bassinet pack n' play from its packaging. He read over the instructions and was halfway through putting it together when Bella broke the silence between them, "you know, you could've handled Mia," she murmured, "all she needed was a wipe and a fresh pull-up."
He glanced up as his ears burned, "she's a little girl."
"So?" Bella asked, lifting an eyebrow.
"So," he repeated, trying to keep his voice low, "she has little girl parts," he stretched the words out, "I just, it hadn't occurred to me before that moment, I had a bit of mental freak out, all right?" He ducked his head and continued to jerk and tug at the pack n' play, trying to get all the sides to lock and stay up.
Bella stayed quiet, she waited patiently for him to continue, she could tell by his body language he had more to add, "I don't want to hurt her or do something wrong somehow"
"Oh," Bella said softly, understanding crossing her face.
He let out a long sigh, "I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's how I feel."
"It's not. This, all of this must feel very overwhelming." She shot him a smile, "I'm just your nanny, and I'm overwhelmed."
He smiled, "it's easier with the boys," he admitted, looking up guiltily from the instruction book in his hands. "Especially a boy like Asher. I sort of know what I'm doing," he confessed, "but Mia, she's this whole new world, and it's terrifying. It's not just the fact she has little girl parts, but the entire fact that she's a little girl, little girls grow into young ladies and then into women. How the fu... heck am I going to raise her into a strong, well-rounded woman?"
"You'll be fine; you won't hurt her. The very fact you are worried about such things shows that she will grow to be just fine," she reassured him, "I have no doubt you'll figure out how to care for a Mia just as well as you do the boys." She stood and stretched, "I'm going to go shower and change. Knock if you need anything. And Edward?"
"Yeah?"
"YouTube the instruction video," She smirked over at him, giving her cellphone a little shake at him before she put it down and grabbed a clean shirt from her suitcase.
Two youtube videos and about fifteen pauses later, Edward stood back and grinned at his accomplishment. 'Ha. Take that Graco," he grumbled smugly.
He carefully moved the twin's one at a time across the room and placed them in their new temporary bed.
"We're hungry," Asher broke the silence after he turned down the volume on the television.
Edward glanced down at his watch and was surprised to find it was nearly dinnertime. Where had the day gone he wondered? He picked up the room service menu that seemed to be nearly the same as the restaurant downstairs. He flipped to the children's section.
"What would you like, Mac n' Cheese or Grilled Chicken?" Asher's nose curled up in disgust as he said cheese.
"Chicken," Mia smiled. Edward blinked, startled to see her grin without her pacifier dangling between her teeth.
"Yeah, chicken sounds good." Asher agreed easily.
"Milk or apple juice?" He offered, writing down their order.
"What! No soda?" Asher frowned as he raised a skeptical eyebrow.
Edward's lips thinned, "nope, doesn't come with the kid meals," he lied easily. He knew, had a sinking suspicion of their dietary habits under Elizabeth's care.
"Juice," Asher grumbled as Mia chirped, "milk."
Did we really do it?" Edward whispered across the room towards Bella as she placed Mia on the pull out couch next to Asher who was snoring quietly with his arms wrapped around his new stuffed dragon.
"I think we did," she smiled, picking up the scattered toys and placing them in their correct bags. "We better get some sleep, I'm sure Holden or Brax will be up soon wanting another bottle or diaper change."
"Agreed," Edward yawned, carrying his toiletry bag towards the bathroom.
Bella washed the bottles in the sink and laid out the children's funeral clothes for the next morning, before crawling into the spare full bed and falling asleep before Edward returned from the shower.
"Edward... psst... Edward," Asher whispered, "Edward?" He called a little louder.
"What's wrong?" Bella asked quietly, from her own bed, taking in the three a.m. glow of the alarm clock on the nightstand that set between her bed and Edward's.
"What?" Edward groaned as he sat up, rubbing at his face and tired eyes.
"Are you awake?" Asher asked Edward quietly, his voice soft with embarrassment.
Bella smiled into the darkness as she climbed out of bed and turned on the low light, to softly illuminate the room.
"Yeah kid, what's wrong?" Edward asked, trying to keep his voice calm.
"I, uh... I..." he stuttered, face glowing red.
"He's tee'd the bed," Mia explained for him a matter of factly.
"Tee'd..." Edward repeated, and then his face softened with understanding, "Oh."
"I'll start the bath," Bella said, leading the children towards the bathroom, "grab fresh clothes, Ed." She instructed.
Edward sat on the toilet near the tub after helping peel Asher's soiled clothes from his body. Bella kneeled next to the tub and helped them finish bathing. She yawned a little and shook her head. Edward smiled softly as he watched Bella's wash Mia's hair.
He really was the most stupid man on earth, he groused at himself as he tried to ignore the effects the water had on Bella's white t-shirt, revealed the fact that she slept without her bra.
"Done," Asher stood, breaking Edward out of his thoughts as he held out a towel and helped him out of the water.
Together Edward and Bella managed to get them dried and redressed for bed. Bella scooped up Mia and placed her up on her bed next to her, "go back to sleep sweet girl," she whispered, closing her eyes.
Edward groaned as a soft cry pierced the room and Bella opened her eyes reluctantly. "I'll make the bottles," Edward groaned as he rolled out of bed as Bella headed over to pick up Holden from his bassinet.
"How important is sleep again?" Edward asked with a yawn as he passed over one of the bottles.
"I don't think the sandman is coming to visit either of us for a while," Bella stated softly with a tired chuckle.
The morning arrived earlier than either of them were ready for, but somehow in their sleepy haze, they managed to start the coffee pot and feed and change the twins.
"I think we just became best friends," Edward murmured dorkily to his Styrofoam cup as he downed his black coffee and went for another.
"Psychopath," Bella murmured teasingly as she eyed his cup with a smirk.
Edward rolled his eyes and shot back, "are you going to add any coffee to that sugary milk mess you've concocted in your cup?"
"Yes," she snorted as she placed her caramel macchiato creamer back into the mini fridge, "I like to add a splash of coffee to my cream and sugar."
Edward laughed as he went to collect their room service.
Bella placed Mia and Asher's plates on the table before going to wake them. She ushered them towards the table gently, helping Mia into her chair.
"What this?" Asher asked, eyeing his plate.
"Eggs, toast, and strawberries, eat up," Edward instructed as Mia dug into her plate without hesitation. Asher shrugged and nibbled on his toast, before finally trying the cut up fried egg.
"See, not bad," Edward stated.
His heart clenched painfully as Asher mumbled around a strawberry, "food's, food."
Edward placed his cup down; he could remember muttering those same words to Esme as a boy.
'Do like the potatoes, Edward?' Esme's gentle voice cut across the dinner table.
He shrugged and eyed her warily, unsure of how to answer as his tongue burned.
Carlisle cleared his throat, "what about the chicken, Son?"
His eyes darted to Emmett who smirked at him and rolled his eyes. His lips quirked upwards, 's'fine.' He mumbled quietly.
'Are you sure, Dear? It's not too spicy or hot?' Esme asked, watching him with worried eyes as he pushed the food around his plate.
He sighed and placed another spicy potato in his mouth and muttered, 'food's, food, Ma'am.' He wasn't about to admit he hated it, afraid his plate would disappear.
Edward shook his head, pushing the memory away. He wondered briefly if his words hurt her as much as Asher's stung him.
He turned and watched as Bella helped Mia into her charcoal dress, with a small black bow on the front.
"Done?" He asked Asher, who nodded and pushed his plate away as he gulped down his glass of milk. "Go wash your hands and face." He instructed quietly. When he returned, he helped Asher into his suit before heading into the bathroom to change into his own black suit.
Edward wasn't exactly sure how they made it out of the hotel on time. He glanced at Bella who gave him a brief smile as she checked the diaper bag while he pulled out of the hotel parking lot.
The cold morning air breezed against their cheeks as they climbed out of the SUV. The sky was cloudy and gray, fitting, Edward thought as he handed Bella one of the infant car seats. He gave her a single nod, letting her know he was okay.
He helped Mia climb out before he unlatched the other seat. He made sure the carrier was properly covered before lifting it out of the vehicle. He took a deep breath and glanced down as Asher's gloved hand slipped into his as they walked into the funeral home.
Edward placed Holden's seat on the entryway bench and helped Asher out of his new winter coat. He then straightened his tie. His lips curled up in a soft, comforting grin as their eyes connected and Asher copied his actions and straightened his black, clip-on tie.
"Time to say goodbye?" Asher asked his voice dull and brittle making Edward's heart lurch as his young green eyes searched Edward's with too much understanding for his age.
"It is," Edward agreed and held out his hand to him. "Together we can do this," he promised, his tone and words seemed to be an echo of his father's. He squeezed gently as Asher placed his hand in his.
He gave Kenneth, the funeral director a respectful nod, as Asher and he stepped into the reception room.
The casket was a light, beautiful oak, surrounded by multiple arrangements of flowers, more than Edward had ordered. He placed Holden's car seat down on the bench next to Braxton, Bella, and Mia.
Mia didn't speak or look up from the doll she held close
"Mom's sleeping?" Asher asked confused, turning to look at him.
"No, Ash." Edward shook his head, "she's gone."
"You mean she's dead," he sniffed a bit, scrunching up his stuffy nose.
"Correct," he nodded, kneeling down in front of him. "Mom," the word felt strange on his tongue, "she got really sick, too sick. Her body stopped working. She's not sleeping. Your body continues to works when you're sleeping, your heart, your lungs." He explained, putting a hand over his beating heart.
Asher copied his older brother's nod. "She's not coming back, she won't start working again?" He asked quietly after a minute.
"No, I'm sorry Ash." Edward's voice cracked, tears stung his eyes.
"So, we really get to live with you forever? You'll be like our Dad or whatever?" His tone shifted from sad to heartbreakingly hopeful.
"Yes, you're coming home with me," Edward assured him as he hugged him close and pressed a kiss to the top of his head. He sat down on the bench between Mia and Asher.
"Are you going to die?" He asked, moving onto Edward's lap.
"No, Kid. Don't worry. I'm healthy, and I plan to be here to take care of you guys for a long time," he promised, placing his arm around him when Asher curled into his chest.
Edward jumped as a strong, firm hand squeezed his shoulder, "Edward."
"Dad," Edward stated in shock, as Asher moved off his lap.
"You seem surprised," Carlisle chuckled, "you didn't believe I'd make you do this by yourself, did you?"
"I," Edward floundered as he stood. Relief and anguish battled across his features as he stared at his father with gratitude.
Carlisle nodded sadly, "I know, Son."
Bella slid down the bench to make room for Carlisle.
"Where's mom?" Edward finally asked, looking over his father's shoulder.
"She caught a bug yesterday, so I had her stayed home to rest." Carlisle explained, "she wishes she could be here though, Son."
Edward nodded understandingly, "I'm glad you came," he admitted quietly missing his father's smile as he turned his gaze back to Holden. "This is Holden," he introduced the sleeping boy in his left arm. "That's Braxton," he nodded to the child in Bella's arms, "this is Mia and Asher. Asher, Mia, this is my father, Carlisle."
"Hi," Asher murmured, tucking himself into Edward's side.
Carlisle stared at the young boy in surprise, "I know, he could be my clone," Edward stated, noticing his father's expression.
Carlisle chuckled fondly, "that he could, my boy."
Edward sat next to his father while keeping an arm around Asher's thin shoulder. Mia settled next to Bella, hugging her doll close as she suckled her pacifier silently as her large hazel eyes seemed to take everything in.
Several of Elizabeth's friends strolled into the room. Edward held his head up as his eyes swept over the strange assortment of people, many he assumed were from her apartment complex. He lifted Mia onto his lap. He wondered to himself if any of the men present could possibly be a father to one or more of his siblings.
He turned his attention back to his mother's casket as her old reverend and fellow member of her court-ordered Alcoholics Anonymous group started to speak.
He listened quietly as he spoke of his mother's life. Her troubled past, her will to always try better herself, even when she failed time and time again, the smile she always tried to bring to every meeting. The love she had for her children. Edward's jaw tightened and anger burned through his veins.
Carlisle squeezed his knee comfortingly; he let out a slow breath as tears burned his eyes. He glanced down at Asher, "it's okay to cry," he murmured, brushing away a few of his tears. "I'm sad too."
Asher's chin trembled as he hid his face into Edward's side.
Bella lifted Holden from his arms and carried him to the back of the room to feed and quiet him as he fussed.
Edward stood and shook hands with everyone who came as they pushed their condolences and little remembrances of his mother on him. A few of the woman hugged him, much to his discomfort. Many wished him luck, as they turned sad, pitying eyes on his siblings.
"What's gonna happen to Mom now?" Asher asked after Edward helped him say his goodbyes and place a picture in her coffin.
Edward swallowed, "well, in a few months, when the ground thaws outside and the air gets warmer, they'll bury her out at the cemetery, in the ground next to her mom and dad."
"Will it be pretty there?" Asher asked, and continued on as if to explain, "Mom likes pretty places."
"Yeah, it's nice there, lots of flowers," Edward assured him and gave his shoulder a small squeeze. "Go get your jacket on, gloves; it's time to go Bud."
Edward stared down at his mother. More emotions than he wanted to process, swirled inside him. He didn't notice as Bella moved up beside him until she squeezed his hand comfortingly, "you need this, Edward. Stay. Say your peace and your goodbye. As long as you keep burying your pain, you'll never be able to heal."
He cast her a long, sideways glance and wondered if she was really as young as twenty. Finally, he gave her a tight nod of agreement, accepting her words as true.
"Dad," he turned to Carlisle, who was cradling Braxton to his chest, "will you take them back to the hotel? I'll try and be back for dinner."
"Very well," Carlisle agreed as Bella handed him a set of keys.
"We'll see you for dinner, I found this really fun place to eat on TripAdvisor," Bella called to him. He rolled his eyes affectionately as she led his father and siblings out of the funeral home.
Author Note...
A big Thank you to Sunflower Fran for beta'ing. Seriously, she's awesome.
I pray everyone is doing great :)
Life swept me up in a crazy, crazy ride since Easter. I started to get headaches, major fatigue. Nope, not dying, it turns out I'm pregnant. :-O . Follow by my son, he had his tonsils out in May, then school let out, just as I started to find our Summer rhythm and feel a little better June took us by storm. My sister went into labor a few weeks early, so I had to head to her house earlier than expected and help take care of my nieces, while she recovered and for the baby to get out of NICU. I am now home and all is well. :)
This chapter was brought to you by my pestering muse, a good amount of guilt for taking so long to get back to my keyboard.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter and please leave a Review!
Much Love,
- Emily