There Goes My Life

Chapter Thirteen

Edward took a deep breath, stepped through the gate and made his way into the small garden. He nodded to Branson as the psychologists placed his book on the end table. "Chamomile or spearmint?" He asked, rising to make their ritual tea.

"Actually, if you have a cup of coffee, that'd suit me just fine," Edward requested as he loosened his tie and shrugged off his jacket.

Branson nodded surprised, "I'll be right back," he carried the teapot inside and came back with two mugs and passed one to Edward as he settled across from him on the patio, "how are you feeling today?"

"I'm happy," he stated, he laughed softly at Branson expression. "Sometime in the last few weeks, I realized I'm not carrying around the gut-wrenching guilt anymore. Nor am I feeling so fucking overwhelmed all the time. Life feels manageable."

The doctor smiled.

"And … I'm not feeling as resentful, either." He admitted, taking a small sip of the warm black liquid, "say if Bella pulled out some freaking magic wand with an app or whatever like some modern-day fairy godmother and asked if I wanted to go back to the way things were months ago. I wouldn't."

Branson nodded passively, "and what made you realize this?"

"I became aware that … I like the changes my life has undergone. I love these kids. I like being a... dad." He tugged a hand through his hair, "before, I never gave it thought or even considered having a child, it wasn't really on my radar. Not that I was set against it, just wasn't part of the picture, the plan, I guess. Maybe I hadn't met the woman that made my mind spiral towards those thoughts. I don't know," he laughed with a shrug.

Branson took a drink and nodded once more, "and how are your feelings towards your mother?"

He turned his eyes to the plants and flowers that surrounded them, "I'm still angry, which is rooted in my disappointment with her, but I've made my peace with it. I'm not responsible for her actions, and there wasn't anything I could've done. Not without a time turner." He stated with a bitter accepting smile. "It's harder to forgive her for her actions towards my siblings for two reasons, one because I love the hell out of them. Two, for repeating her past mistakes. But… I'm working on it."

"And how are your nightmares?" He asked.

Edward placed his colorful coffee mug on the coaster, "better, only a few times the last couple weeks and mostly clustered together in one night or two. Bella keeps me on top of my medication, and I do believe she's sort of trained me into a bedtime ritual as if I'm some sort of naughty child."

Branson snorted and suppressed a smirk, "and how has she trained you?"

"No caffeine after dusk. She's even got my secretary to agree to that nonsense," he shook his head, "normally if I come in from work wound up, she makes me destress, either by putting the twins to bed or if it's too late for that, by working out. After the kids are asleep and we've finished our day's work, she starts the kettle, and we put our phones away for the night. We usually watch about thirty minutes to an hour of mind-numbing television together before heading to bed.

Branson started to smile, and Edward cut him off, "and don't you start digging into my feelings towards Bella. I'm aware they're unprofessional. I'm aware of how I feel. If she were a few ... five years older, I'd be pursuing her. I'd probably done something insane and already married her. But, fuck man, she just turned twenty-one."

"Age is but a number for some," Branson smirked, his kind eyes twinkling with a touch of mischief. "And you, yourself, are not an old man at thirty."

Edward scoffed at his words with a roll of his eyes, "I'm not, no, but I've sowed my oats. I'm ready for things she may not be ready for at this point in her life. Stop sighing. I'm not opposed to waiting a year or two. It not wrong that I want her to have every available opportunity and a few more life experiences."

Branson tapped his fingers together thoughtfully, "even at the risk of losing her to another?"

Edward's face pinched, "I'd rather lose her now than in ten years, fifteen years when she looks back and regrets having rushed into a ready-made family and wasting her youth on me." He said firmly, picking up his coffee and downing the last of it. "I don't know how she feels about me. She's alone in this world, and I'm not about to take advantage of that; maybe she sees me as a big brother, I don't fucking know. But she's my best friend, and I love her enough to give her a bit of time."

Branson nodded as Edward phone chirped with a reminder, "I better go, our flight is in a few hours," he said slipping his cell back into his pocket and handing Branson his credit card.

"My phone is always on," Branson reminded him as he handed back the card, "have a safe trip."

The airport was crowded; Edward kept a firm hand on Asher's shoulder as he guided him through security. Bella, Mia, and his parents pushed the twins in their stroller. His eyebrow ticked up as Asher empty his pockets into the bin revealing about twenty Lego figures he had crammed into his jeans and coat pockets.

"I hope you don't lose any of those, I won't replace them," Edward warned the guilty boy as he slipped his shoes back on.

Asher grinned back at him cheekily, "I won't," he promised, earning himself a disbelieving grunt from Edward as he stuffed the Legos back into his coat.

"Four adults, first class, we've got this," Bella reassured him as she passed Edward a cup of black coffee while she sipped her sugary drink and mixed two bottles, passing them to Esme and Carlisle. "I could take them," she offered.

"We've got them," Esme chuckled reassuringly, giving Bella a fond wink.

She smiled, watching Asher and Mia gaze out the window at the planes.

The five-hour flight was long, and it was dark, hot, and humid when they landed, "I like flying," Asher pronounced, "I'm going to be a flyer driver when I grow up."

"You mean a pilot," Carlisle corrected gently as Bella followed Edward with the twins on each hip. Holden and Braxton had decided, over the course of the last hour of the flight they only wanted to be held by Bella. And so, to keep them from having a meltdown, she indulged them.

Edward swiped his debit card for the two Suburban's as Bella loaded the kids in one. His parents entered the address for their vacation rental on the lake into the GPS. "I'll drive hotrod, you didn't catch a wink on the flight," Edward told Bella as he climbed into the driver seat.

A pit stop at the closest fast-food chain left Edward grumbling up until he took a bite out of his burger. Mia giggled as Edward winked at her as he snatched a few fries from Bella when she was convincing Asher to finish his milk.

"Let's take the kids things inside and get them settled into bed before bringing in the rest," Bella suggested on the drive out to the lake house. The house was out of the way for all of Edward's meeting in the city, but it was large and cozy enough to fit them comfortably and feel like a vacation in his downtime.

Bella placed Mia and Asher's bags on their separate beds then fished out their pajamas and toothbrushes while she waited for them to finish exploring the house with Edward. Edward carried Mia in on his back with Asher and his parents trailing after him, "you both heard your Yaya, she's going to help you get ready for bed and Pops is going to read you your stories and tuck you guys' in."

"Oh okay," Mia agreed easily as Asher gave them a nod showing he was listening as he put his Lego figures on his nightstand.

Bella headed for the kitchen and unpacked the twins' bottles, formula, and jars of baby food. She prepared the bottles and unbuckled Holden from his car seat as Edward finished putting together the portable cribs.

She placed the boys into their awaiting highchairs as Esme mixed up their cereal. She then helped to fed them while singing a happy song. "Carlisle took over so I could come help with the babies," Esme explained as she lifted Braxton up to help get the twins bathed and ready for bed.

Edward took Braxton from his mother with a grin as Bella offered him a bottle, "beds are ready," he told Bella softly as he placed the warm bottle to Braxton's mouth.

"Good, because so are they," she chuckled as she wrangled Holden into his pajamas. "Thanks," she murmured to Esme as she passed her a bottle. Bella smiled lovingly down at Holden as she pressed the bottle to his lips. She chuckled as he latched on hungrily and gazed back up at her. She didn't pull her eyes away, watching as his grew heavy. She placed him in his crib with a contented sigh, lingering behind, giving Edward and his parents a few minutes of privacy.

Edward yanked an exasperated hand through his hair as he stared at his parents in disbelief. He had realized the lake house they were staying at, while extremely spacious, only had four bedrooms. "Wait … you thought that Bella and I," he sputtered, his eyebrow raising and cheeks flushing in horrified anger.

"We weren't going to say anything or ask questions, but yes, we assumed," Carlisle ran a hand over his mouth in amusement. It warmed him to see his normally unflappable son so flustered.

"That we were, that we were," he tossed his hands up with a shake of his head, "we're not."

Carlisle suppressed a smile as he started the fireplace, "obviously, son, or you wouldn't be having this mild fit."

"What's going on?" Bella asked as she stepped in the room, noting Esme and Carlisle amusement and Edward's open annoyance.

Esme poured herself a glass of red wine and explained, "we were just discussing sleeping arrangements and realized we were short a bedroom. Would anyone else care for a glass?" She asked holding up the bottle.

"I'll take one dear," Carlisle said and turned his eyes towards Bella and Edward. "No thank you, if I have a glass, I'll never get any sleep," Bella explained, and at the mention of sleeping, she started digging in her purse. She pulled out Edward's medication he had forgotten to pack and placed it next to the kettle, along with few of his favorite blends of tea.

Edward shook his head as Bella put on the kettle. "I'll stay in the nursery. There's a twin, bed there, and it's across the hall from Mia and Asher. Edward, you weren't thinking of sleeping in there were you? You're here to work," Bella stated ending what she assumed their discussion had been about with a warm grin as she pulled two mugs from the cupboard.

"I may have considered it," he said, sweeping his discussion with his parents under the rug as he shot her a sheepish grin.

She rolled his eyes with a shake of her head, conveying how silly and sweet she thought his solution was. She fixed his tea and slid his pill across the counter along with a granola bar.

"Tomorrow, Edward and I will tour the new office space. We should be back by two, three at the latest," Carlisle informed his wife and Bella who both nodded, unsurprised. "I thought we'd grill and make s'mores by the campfire ... but no hot dogs." He ended with a promise that was directed towards Edward.

Bella didn't miss how Edward's green eyes brightened at the mentioned treat, then shadowed with his father's promise. "Asher will enjoy that," He stated, pulling his mind away from the surfacing memory.

"I thought he might," Carlisle chuckled.

"Not together," Esme snorted, passing Carlisle a glass of water as they glanced out at Bella and Edward who were headed to the dock with a bottle of wine. "They're practically married," she murmured as she shared a smile with her husband. It had been a long week for everyone as they started making plans for the following year. Esme and Bella had looked at a few colleges in between trips to the zoo, the children's museum, and various parks.

Carlisle curled an arm around her middle, "that may be so dear, but they don't realize it. Give it time, it'll come to a head," He whispered as he placed a kiss to her temple. "Now l say we retire early tonight," he wiggled his eyebrow suggestively, "the grandbabies are sleeping, and it'll give those two some alone time."

Edward passed her a glass a wine, smiling as she took a sip and sighed happily, "Thought you weren't a fan of the taste," he teased her.

"I wasn't, but then I met this guy who had a knack for picking bottles that cater to my taste buds." She smirked at him as she put down her glass while he sat next to her with his tablet.

Edward skimmed through the real estate app, "five bedrooms, three plus baths, large yard, good neighborhood," he pulled up a European-style home on a half-acre of land. The estimated monthly mortgage payment had Bella's eyes widening as he skimmed through the pictures. "It's not as if we're making the final decision today, just thought we'd get an idea. But hell, if we found something, no reason not to start knocking out the mortgage payments now. It'd make money pretty tight, but I could swing it."

She nodded, "uh huh, but I probably shouldn't be helping you pick out a house, especially one that you're buying for keeps."

Edward smirked, "why not, a house is a house," he shrugged, knowing just how to get her on board with planning their future home. "You're going to live there too, so I figure you get a say," he took a long sip of his wine. "And besides, you enjoy decorating, turning a house into a home, the kids need that."

"Your mama does that for a living," she laughed, "you don't need me. She's already drafting a house for the two of them."

Edward shrugged, "yeah, well, I'm going to leave it up to you and her, it'll be your home too for however long you want to stay with us, Bella."

The smile she aimed at him gripped his heart, warmed him. They traded the tablet back and forth each selecting a house to show the other. "You're really looking forward to this move, aren't you," Bella stated as she flicked through another series of pictures.

"Yeah," Edward nodded, "California was my parent's dream. Emmett and Alice adapted like ducks to water, but I've missed the east coast. But it's been the skyrocketing prices that nudged us into moving out of the city. I've watched too many of my employee's struggle. So next summer the west coast branch is moving over to Oakland, and we're moving out here."

She squeezed his knee comfortingly, "you're a good man."

His lips twitched upwards, "glad you think so. You sure about moving here?"

"Oh yeah," she said softly, as she pulled her eyes away from him. "Though the tea is a little sweet."

She grinned as he tossed his head back and laughed.

"Thank you for keeping me occupied this week," she said breaking the silence they had fallen into, "I know you brought us on this business trip to get my mind off the anniversary of my dad's death."

He slung an arm over her shoulder and comfortingly tucked her into his side. It thrilled him that she knew why he had planned their trip when he had; that she could read him so easily.

"I miss him so darn much," she whispered, he gave her shoulder a comforting squeeze. "He had this air about him that just made you feel good, safe. Probably why he made one hell of a cop. I wish he knew how much I admired him, loved him," she confessed quietly as the sun began to set over the lake. "But I was a spoiled brat and then he was just gone."

"He knew," he said softly, "and he'd be proud of the woman you are, damn proud," he assured her, meeting her gaze for a long moment.

With one more side hug he forced himself to pull his arm back because he knew he had to be careful, but the more he tried to keep his distance, the more entwined their lives became.

Author Note...

Thank you, Sunflower Fran, for beta'ing.

I hope everyone is doing well had a wonderful holiday season, I hope 2019 is a wonderful year for y'all. This chapter is thanks to my husband who has started a new job that allows him to be home more which allows me more time to write.

Thank you for reading and please leave a Review!

Hugs and love,

- Emily