-O-

Picturebook Romance

A Trolls fanfic

By Dreamsinger

Chapter Sixty-Six

Memory Lane 2:

Goodbye, Lil' Nut

Every year around this time I began to experience increasing feelings of dread and foreboding. For most trolls, the Trollstice holiday was a joyful reminder of our great escape from the bergens. For me, it was a reminder of the day my grandma was torn from my life, screaming, by the evil, bloodthirsty monsters who'd kept us captive for so long. Those monsters were a danger to us, and they always would be.

One day they'd find us. One day, everything we'd built would amount to nothing, gone under their giant, vicious clawed feet. One day, the very trolls who sang, danced, and hugged so merrily would be shrieking in terror as they went down the throats of those who pursued us. Bergens weren't just the stuff of nightmares. They were real. Not even Poppy could deny that.

Everyone said the bergens had forgotten about us, but they were just fooling themselves. The bergens need us in order to be happy. In fact, Bergentown itself only exists because they built it around the old Troll Tree. No way are they going to forget about us. And because of Trollstice, there's no way I could ever forget about them.Even though there were times I caught myself wishing I could. It would make my life so much easier, and take some of the burden of dealing with me off of my friends.

The closer Trollstice came, like a menacing forest predator prowling the borders of the village, the more agitated I became. Nightmares came for me every night, leaving me cranky and exhausted. I couldn't even sleep during Hammock Time with Acorn, since I had to drink lots of coffee just to function.

Thanks to the coffee and my anxiety, I had virtually no appetite, either. Eating became a chore rather than a pleasure. Things smelled and tasted off. I had to force myself to swallow a few dry, tasteless mouthfuls at home. I often skipped lunch altogether, until one day when Cherry Blossom said in concern, "You're losing weight, Branchkin. Do you feel sick?"

Embarrassed, I told her, "No, I'm fine. I'm just in the middle of a growth spurt. Don't worry about it."

"No, she's right, Branchkin," Leafe said. "You're definitely thinner than you were a couple of weeks ago. You haven't grown that much since then."

"Have you been eating properly?" Cherry Blossom asked me.

Caught out, I didn't know what to say. Of course I hadn't been eating right; the way I'd been taught by my foster dads. I hadn't thought anyone had noticed. Acorn hadn't said anything. But then, I tended to have more of an appetite when I was around him, as if being with my young friend somehow made the food taste better.

Leafe put a hand to his chin, wearing the slightly-vague, musing expression he often had when he was analyzing a situation, looking for a pattern. "This happened last year, too," he commented. "And the year before, right around this time."

Looking worried, Cherry Blossom put a hand on my forehead, checking for a fever. Surprised, I held still for a few seconds, then blushed and ducked away. "I said I'm fine."

Leafe snapped his fingers. "Trollstice is coming up. That would do it."

"Oh, you're right, honey," Cherry Blossom said, giving me a sympathetic look. "This time of year is always hard for you, isn't it, Branchkin?"

-O-

Last year, Leafe and Cherry Blossom had been so worried about me that they had chosen to miss out on attending the Trollstice celebration in order to stay home and keep me company. I still felt bad about that. They'd been a couple for almost a year by that point. It would have been the first Trollstice celebration they could have attended together.

At the time, they'd told me it wasn't a big deal; that they'd just go together next year. I'd been too grateful to argue much. I'd spent the previous weeks feeling jittery and snappish. Jumping at everything. Dreading the so-called "holiday" and hating everything about it. Well, other than the fact that its existence was a cautionary tale to future generations of trolls. Assuming we don't all get eaten and those future generations actually get to exist, which is doubtful. It's been eight years, after all. They must be getting close by now.

I'd been grateful for my friends' caring support last year, but at the same time, I'd felt incredibly guilty for causing them to miss out on Troll Village's biggest holiday. Leafe hadn't gone the year before, either, thanks to me, which made me feel twice as bad. So this year, I'd been determined not to let my friends make the same sacrifice again.

-O-

"No, I'm fine, guys. Really," I assured them, deliberately relaxing into a casual stance. "I guess I've been too busy with Acorn lately. Lots of stuff going on. I might have skipped a few meals, but I won't do that anymore."

"That's good. But are you sure nothing's bothering you?" Leafe asked, his big teal-blue eyes studying me through round purple glasses.

Cherry Blossom nodded in agreement. "I remember how distraught you were last year. Is there anything we can do to help?"

Calling on my recent, more confident outlook, I reassured them that I was nearly a grown-up now, and therefore unbothered by "all that stuff." I also told them I had plans of my own for Trollstice and that they ought to go too, and have a good time.

Maybe my new confidence convinced them. For whatever reason, they agreed to attend; provided I did, too. I promised that I would.

I made more of an effort to eat after that, and on Trollstice eve we all walked together to the village square. Among the throngs of colorful trolls dancing and singing gleefully at the tops of their lungs, we parted ways. As soon as I was out of sight, I spun around and bolted.

I hadn't really been lying, though. I did have something to do. They just didn't need to know that my "plans" involved patrolling the village borders until morning. It was better than lying stiffly in my bed, my eyes stretched wide open, trying to avoid the nightmares that tormented me. I could still see that bergen in my mind, the one with hair as gray as my skin, taking Grandma away from me.

If it happened once, it could easily happen again. I wasn't taking any chances. So, a few days ago, Acorn and I had gone to the tallest hill overlooking the village and hidden a large cache of supplies there. Then we'd done the same for the other three points on the compass, just in case we all had to make a quick getaway. No matter which escape route we took, we'd have some basic needs taken care of, like medicines and bandages.

When I got to the lookout point, I was surprised to see Acorn waiting there for me. "What are you doing here, Acorn? I thought you were going to the party."

"Nah. I've been to hundreds of parties," he said casually. "Besides, you said you were gonna patrol tonight. It's creepy to go patrolling at night, isn't it? So I thought I oughtta come keep you company, so you won't be scared."

I hesitated, listening to the faint, thumping music off in the distance. I was happy to see him, of course, but I wondered if I ought to send him back to his mother. He didn't need to ruin his night any more than Leafe and Cherry Blossom did. Still, if the bergens do come tonight, at least I can make sure that my little buddy is safe…

When I didn't answer right away, his little brow wrinkled. In a tiny voice, he asked, "Branch? Don't you want me here?"

Instantly I acted to reassure him. "Of course I do, Lil' Nut. We can patrol for a while, if you want. But if you get sleepy, or want to go back to the party, just say so, okay? I won't mind."

"Okee-dokee, Oakey," he said, and giggled. Tense though I was, the corny joke made me smile.

As we walked along the path surrounding the village, the raucous revelry below faded to minor background noise. Gradually I became aware of the many-layered tune surrounding us; nighttime critters chirping, singing, croaking and cooing in harmony. It was familiar, reassuring, peaceful. The sky above was clear and twinkling with stars. A light breeze passed us, rustling leaves and riffling hair. With Acorn's hand in mine, I began to recall how much I used to enjoy going on Stroll Patrols with my foster dads. When the feet that walked this very path were smaller, and it was my little hand being held in the warm grasp of someone I trusted.

Something tense inside of me relaxed. I smiled down at my trusty little companion and said sincerely, "You know, I'm really glad you came, Acorn. I – I really needed you," I admitted.

"Yeah, I know." He grinned up at me. "No problem, Branch. I got your back."

"Thanks, Lil' Nut."

A couple of hours later, I noticed his pace growing slower. His eyelids were drooping. "Are you sure you don't want to head back, Acorn?"

"No, I want to stay with you," he protested. "I'm not sleepy."

I didn't want to argue with him. "Okay. Then how about I give you a ride?" I pointed to my hair and smiled invitingly. He'd be asleep in no time, and then I could deliver him back to his family.

He looked longingly at my hair, but just as he began to shake his head we both heard someone being paged over the main loudspeaker. Thanks to the excellent acoustics King Peppy had searched for when founding the village, we could easily make out Acorn's name.

Acorn's sleepy eyes popped open and one of his ears partly swiveled toward the sound, showing that he'd been practicing moving them. "I guess I gotta go, Branch. Sorry."

"That's okay. I had a good time with you. Thanks for keeping me company, Acorn."

"See you tomorrow!" he called as he ran off, waving a hand behind him.

"See you, little buddy," I called after him, smiling.

I ended up heading home after an hour or so myself, soothed into drowsiness by the peaceful night, and the memory of his sweet little presence by my side. It should be okay, I told myself. After all the racket the trolls have made tonight, if the bergens were going to come, they would have by now. I fell into bed and slept so deeply that I didn't even hear Leafe return.

-O-

The next morning Leafe seemed happy to see that I'd made it through the night without any problems. I was, too. Maybe I was finally starting to get a handle on my fear of the bergens, like all the rest of the trolls had years ago. If so, it was about time.

As I bounced outside our pod and used my hair like a parachute to drift gently to the ground, the sky seemed especially bright and sunny. I was full of energy and purpose. Trollstice was over for another year, which was a huge load off my hair. My plan to apprentice with the Whizbangs after graduation was back on track, too. I had fun playing with Acorn, Poppy and the gang these days, and I'd even made a few new friends.

For the first time since my pod fell, I felt like I was finally moving forward again, and it was all thanks to Acorn. While the reason he'd come into my life was tragic, it had turned out to be incredibly good fortune for me. I had never been so content in my life. So content, in fact, that I didn't even realize that I was, until something happened to make me question everything.

That afternoon while I was waiting near the school pod for Acorn, his mother Tulip approached me. I saw immediately from the untrolly look of distress on her face that something was wrong.

"Branchkin? Can I talk to you for a minute?"

I was right.

"Is something wrong?" I asked in concern. "Are you okay, Tulip? You look tired."

Acorn's mother was still fairly young and pretty, but after everything she'd been through lately, sometimes the stress made her look much older. Losing her husband, being a single parent to two growing trollings, her work as a chemist – it was a lot. I worried that she'd get sick, so I did what I could to help her. Acorn and I ran errands for her, cleaned the pod, and cooked hot meals for her to come home to. I was glad to help out. She was one of the few adults who genuinely seemed to appreciate me.

At my question, the coral-colored troll smiled at me. "I'm fine, Branchkin."

"Well, then, how's baby Kiki? Is she okay?"

"Yes, we're all fine. It's just… Well, yesterday Acorn's teacher asked me to meet with him."

"His teacher?" I tilted my head as a vague memory returned. "I think Leafe mentioned that Acorn was having some kind of problem, but I didn't think it was this big of a deal."

Worry-lines appeared on her forehead as she answered, "I'm sorry to say that it is. And it's getting worse. His teacher says he's opinionated, uncooperative, and skeptical of everything."

I blinked. "Oh. Is that all? That doesn't sound so bad to me," I said. "He's an independent thinker, that's all. Everyone should be encouraged to think for themselves, shouldn't they?"

"Yes, but this goes beyond that. He's also…confrontational."

"Confrontational?" I shook my head, bewildered. "Are you sure we're talking about Acorn here? He's always nice to me."

"I'm afraid so," Tulip said unhappily.

"What exactly is he saying to people?"

"He keeps telling everyone they're doing everything wrong, and trying to correct them. Even his teacher. He starts arguments. Worse, he makes them personal. He calls people names, and says other things that hurt people's feelings."

"Oh, no," I murmured, honestly dismayed.

"It's causing a lot of disharmony. And then, when he's asked to explain himself, his attitude is, well…dismissive," Tulip said, looking distressed. "Even…disrespectful, at times. He doesn't seem to believe that he's doing anything wrong. He's even-" Tulip leaned toward me, and I bent forward to listen as she said worriedly, "He's even been seen scowling at the other trollings."

Something about that sounded awfully familiar, accent on the "awful." Anger issues?

I'd had my fair share of confrontations growing up, which I usually regretted as soon as I was over being angry. They got me into a lot of trouble with the adults. Worse, they made the other trollings dislike me. Some were even afraid of me. My outbursts quickly cost me any friends I managed to make at each new home I was sent to. In fact, they were often the cause of yet another new home.

I felt awful for my poor little buddy. I didn't want this. I didn't want Acorn to end up going down the same miserable path I had. "Do you know why he's acting like this?" I asked in concern.

Tulip replied, "His teacher seems to think that-" She hesitated, then continued, "Well, part of it is due to the recent loss of his father, of course."

I nodded. "Right."

"He misses Cardigan so much. Also, he's the only one in his class who's lost a parent. That makes him feel different, I'm sure."

"…Like no one can understand him," I said softly.

"Yes. Which is one reason the two of you seem to have such a close bond. Being one of the few older trollings from before we escaped, you can." She sighed, and ran a hand through her golden-orange hair. "That's a good thing, I suppose. But it causes other problems."

"Other problems?"

I waited. When she merely gazed at me with compassionate light-blue eyes just like Acorn's, I finally caught on. "You think he's going to turn out like me, don't you?" Part of me was irritated by the implied criticism, but the rest of me quailed. I'd worried about the same thing myself recently, but had managed to push it to the back of my mind and forget about it.

"But Acorn's not really like me," I protested. "His colors are coming back. Slowly, maybe, but you can see that. Can't you?" I asked anxiously, needing outside confirmation.

Tulip nodded. "True; he's not as gray as he used to be. But he's still not back to normal yet."

Instinctively I defended my friend. "Hey, give him time. He just lost his father, and…" I recalled something he'd told me a while ago. "And you've got a lot on your plate, working and taking care of a newborn and all. You can't help being too busy to pay much attention to him. Acorn understands."

"'Too busy for him'?" she echoed, her gaze sharpening. "Is that what he told you?"

I hesitated, then nodded. "Well, aren't you?"

She sighed again and rubbed a hand over her face. "Branch, I have plenty of extra help at work. I could easily take some time off. The only reason I haven't is because he's been spending all his time with you. He told me you needed him."

My jaw dropped, but before I could deny it, she went on, "He said that you were very lonely, and needed a friend. Also, that sometimes you got very sad or scared, and needed him to make you feel better."

I was stunned silent. What could I say to that? Everyone knew I had emotional problems. Of course someone as empathetic as Acorn would pick up on my moods. Of course he'd want to do whatever he could to help his "big brother" feel better. Even if it meant neglecting his relationships with his mom and baby sister.

Did that mean I really was the cause of Acorn's problem?

Guilt loomed over me. Then I saw the pity in Tulip's eyes, and flushed with embarrassment. How did a meeting about Acorn's unacceptable behavior at school suddenly shift to be about me and my personality flaws?

"I don't believe this. Look, Tulip, Acorn is a good boy. You know he is. He's just been through a lot. He doesn't need to have everyone on his back, especially now."

"He is a good boy," she agreed, looking sad. "But there still have to be consequences for unacceptable behavior, both for his sake, and that of the other trollings. After all, none of this is their fault, is it? Do they deserve to be treated badly?"

Suddenly I remembered Acorn telling me he'd called a fellow classmate "stupid." I winced, recalling the many times in my own past where my unfortunate classmates had felt the brunt of my anger. To this day, I could never see any of them without feeling uncomfortable. I certainly wasn't friends with any of them. "No," I answered honestly.

"And as for giving him time… He's had time. Nothing is changing, and it needs to. You see, Branchkin, his teacher suggested something that makes a lot of sense to me," Tulip said gently. "He thinks that Acorn is using his friendship with you as an excuse to avoid the fact that his father is gone."

"What?" I whispered, truly shocked.

"That idea also explains something else that's been bothering me. It seems as if Acorn doesn't want to spent time with Kiki. Whenever I ask him to play with her, he says he has to do something with you, and runs off. He even did that last night."

"Last night?"

"Last night was Kiki's first Trollstice. I told him I wanted him to spend it with us, but he ran off while I was talking, saying that he'd already made plans with you."

"What?" I scrunched up my face. "No, he didn't. I assumed he'd be spending it with his family. He showed up just as I was starting my patrol, and I- Oh, man." I broke off and rubbed a hand through my hair. "I assumed it was okay with you. He never said anything about you wanting him to stay with you. Are you saying Acorn's been avoiding Kiki all this time?"

She nodded gravely. "And not just Kiki. He doesn't seem to want to spend time with me, either."

"But…why?" As someone who had no family of his own, I found the idea incomprehensible.

"Well, as his teacher said, he's focusing on his new friendship with you to avoid having to deal with the fact that Cardie is gone. And as for Kiki… She was hatched after her father died, and she has his beautiful sapphire-blue eyes. He's gone, but some part of him lives on. Everyone who sees her comments on that. So if Acorn can avoid being around this new baby sister with his father's eyes, he can pretend that nothing in his life has changed, you see?"

"That doesn't make sense. Acorn looks just like his dad, except that he got your eyes."

"It doesn't make sense, no. But Acorn is very young, Branchkin. He's dealing with things as best he can, by being best friends with a male role model he adores. Maybe, in some way, you're filling the empty place in his heart."

I was hurt. "So I'm just a stand-in for his dead dad?"

"No, of course not. I'm sorry, I'm not saying this right." She took a step toward me, and placed a gentle hand on my arm. "Acorn loves you, Branchkin. And you love him, don't you?"

I nodded.

"The two of you have a strong bond, partly because you enjoy being together, but also…" She let go of me and sighed. "I'm sorry to keep mentioning it, but it's also probably because you know what it's like to lose people you love. You understand each other. It's helped you grow close, and that's a wonderful thing, really. But knowing that he's already lost his father, do you really want him to lose all his friends, too? Do you want him to go down the same path you have? I know your own trollhood was lonely, and, um, not as fun as it should have been…"

That's an understatement. "So, you're telling me to stay away from him?"

"Oh, no!" she exclaimed, surprising me. "You two are so sweet together. I would never make him unhappy by forbidding him to see you, just like I would never want to take him away from you. It's just that… if you could just do something about, well, you…" She looked embarrassed, twisting her hands and grimacing apologetically. "I'm sorry. I don't really know how to say it. I just know that Acorn never had problems getting along with his classmates before he started spending time with you. He never used to lie to me, either."

"I never told him to lie to you!"

"Oh, no, no, no, I know you didn't. You've always been a very honest boy. You may not always be very polite," she smirked at me, and suddenly I could see where Acorn got some of his sassiness from, "but you tend to tell it like you see it." Her grin faded, and she sighed. "But something is making him push his classmates away..."

"And you think that something is me," I finished for her. I scowled and crossed my arms, saying sarcastically, "Oh, I'm sorry. I guess Acorn should already be back to being a giddy, happy trolling by now. It's not like a little thing like, oh, I don't know, finding his father dead would be enough to harsh his vibe or anything!"

Just for a moment, she looked indignant. But before it could build to a strong head of steam, it was like her energy just fizzled out. She hung her head. "I'm sorry, Branch. You're right."

I noticed lines of exhaustion around her eyes, and instantly regretted my words. Then I saw a tear run down her cheek, and my stomach sank. "Please don't cry, Tulip. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. You're right. I didn't want to admit it, but I've been kind of worried about him, too. He hasn't exactly been lying to me, that I know of anyway, but he hasn't been telling me the whole truth, either. He didn't tell me you asked him to spend Trollstice with you and Kiki. I – I had no idea. I never would have let him come with me if I'd known. You must have been freaking out, looking for him." I bowed my head and put a hand over my face. "Why didn't I ask him if you said it was okay?" I mumbled.

I felt a soft hand pat my arm again, and I lifted my hand to see her smiling consolingly at me. "Now, now, Branchkin, it's not that bad. It's not like I didn't know where he was. And he came as soon I had him paged."

"But it must hurt, for him to keep ditching you like that. Aren't you mad?" I said plaintively.

She patted my cheek in a very motherly way. "Oh, Branchkin, he just wants to be with you. He believes you really need him. I understand. You don't have any siblings of your own, after all, and-"

"Mommy? Why are you here? Shouldn't you be at work?"

Two heads whipped guiltily in the direction the voice had come from. Tulip recovered first. "Hello, dear! Did you have a good day at school?"

From the way her son looked away and scratched the back of his head, I got the impression that no, it hadn't been a good day. My stomach sank. He must have gotten into another "confrontation" with someone. That's not good.

I shared a look of dismay with Tulip, noticing that the worry-lines were back on her forehead again. I'd seen them a lot lately, but I hadn't realized that concern for her son was probably what had put them there. I flattened my mouth determinedly and tilted my head in Acorn's direction, indicating that I'd have a talk with him.

She brightened, mouthing "Thank you" to me. Then she said cheerily, "I decided to leave work a little early today, dear. I'm heading home right now to make something extra-special for dinner. You two have fun now, and I'll see you later!"

Acorn turned back to wave to his mother, looking relieved. "Okay, Mommy. Bye!"

After she was out of sight, Acorn asked, "What were you talking about?"

I gazed down at him, trying to figure out what to say. "Well, she said she asked you to spend Trollstice with her and Kiki." My eyes narrowed. "You never told me she said that."

Acorn shuffled a foot in the grass. "Aw, it wasn't a big deal. I'd rather spend it with you than them, anyway."

I took note of the scornful way he spoke about his family and frowned. "But you lied to her."

"No, I didn't," Acorn boasted. "I never said 'yes'. I never said I was gonna spend Trollstice with them at all. This morning I told Mommy, "Why are you getting mad at me? You never said I couldn't spend Trollstice with Branch."

Despite myself, I couldn't help but smirk, internally. Impeccable logic.

Even though I didn't say anything, he grinned at me as if he sensed my secret admiration. "Yeah, I knew she wouldn't let me go with you if I asked her. I knew she'd tell me 'no.' So I figured, all I gotta do is not ask her." He winked at me."She couldn't get mad at me then, right?"

My mouth dropped open. Where was my sweet little Acorn? Who is this sneaky, calculating little…sneak? How did he get so secretive?

His mother's words came back to me. "His attitude is, well, dismissive. Even disrespectful, at times. He doesn't seem to believe that he's doing anything wrong." I'd doubted Tulip, but this... This isn't right. This isn't how my good Lil' Nut should behave, I thought, honestly shaken.

"So what are we doing today?" he asked cheerfully.

I didn't answer for a minute. "Um, I think you'd better go home for now. Your mom seemed pretty unhappy about what happened last night." So am I, now that I think about it.

He looked disappointed, but obediently said, "Okay, Branch. See you later?"

"Sure," I said, distracted.

I had some serious thinking to do.

-O-

Agitated now, I began moving down the sun-dappled lane as if I could somehow move fast enough to outpace the painful memories. This was the part I'd tried so hard not to think about for so long now. The beginning of the end. After all the goodbyes I'd suffered through, I hadn't wanted to let yet another person who was precious to me go. But in the end, I'd done it. Not for me this time, but for Acorn.

Poppy walked beside me, her manner quiet and sympathetic. She reached out to take my hand, then quickly stopped walking at the sound of rustling in the overgrowth nearby. I stopped, too, wondering which critter was about to come bursting out of the surrounding foliage. Maybe it was a tickle spider, looking for a troll to tickle. Just then Poppy gave a sudden hard shake of her head, and whatever it was stopped. I waited another minute, but the whatever seemed to have changed its mind.

Finally I shrugged and started talking, deciding I wanted to get past this painful moment before something else interrupted. Also, because we still had to get to the surprise Poppy had planned for us. She'd said it wasn't urgent, but by this point I was feeling desperate enough to crave a little fun, once this awful memory was over.

-O-

It's got to be me. I did this to him. I must have. He was a perfectly normal trolling before I came along and started teaching him 'the right way to think'. I never thought that it would change him so much. That it would make him…more like me. I never thought it would mess up his relationships with the other trolls. But Acorn is just a young trolling, still learning how the world works. How was he to know that he was learning from someone as lame as me?

I felt shaken to my very core, feeling the heavy burden of guilt bow my shoulders. Then I rallied. Well, what am I supposed to do, tell him that I changed my mind? Tell him that everything I've ever taught him was wrong? Maybe I should, but…I just can't do it. I taught him what I believe is the truth. I have good reason to believe what I believe. It may not be "normal," for a troll to spend his days practicing survival skills and patrolling for bergens, but that's what feels right to me.

My belligerent expression faded into thoughtfulness. That's me, though. Acorn is a completely different person, and unlike me, he still has a family that loves him. Do I have the right to ruin his life? To turn him scornful and friendless?

I trudged slowly up one of the tall hills overlooking the village, watching the happy bustle of activity below. Activity that Acorn was rarely a part of these days, since he spent so much time with me. I stared down in silence as terrible memories from my past assailed me. Arguments and tears, pain, shame, and guilt in a neverending cycle. As the afternoon shadows grew longer, gloom cast its shadow over me as well. I couldn't bear to see Acorn grow up the way I did, constantly miserable, angry, and avoided by his peers. It was no life for a troll.

Part of me said in a scolding tone, You're contaminating him, Branch. Contaminating him with your negativity. It's just like Poppy's always saying, "You're so negative, Branch. Look on the bright side for a change."

Automatically I defended myself. Well, I wouldn't have to be so negative if the other trolls had more common sense. It's not my fault everyone is so…

Acorn's voice echoed in my head. "You call people stupid all the time." "Isn't it a good thing to tell somebody that they're thinkin' wrong, so they can think the right way instead?"

…There was nothing I could say to that.

I hung my head. I can't change who I am, but maybe if I stop hanging with him, he'll forget about me and go back to the way he used to be. He'll live in harmony with everyone, finally get his colors back all the way, and be happy.

I closed my eyes. My stomach twisted into a sick knot inside me, but I ignored my own pain. I deserved it, after what I'd done to my innocent, trusting young friend. He can do it. Acorn is still young enough to be open to new ideas. He can still learn to fit in, and make a happy life for himself, down there with everyone…

I took a shaky but resolute breath.

But not if I'm in it.

-O-

"Oh, Branch," Poppy murmured, sliding an arm around me.

I reciprocated, holding her pressed against me for a moment. "This next part is going to be…a little hard to listen to. I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry, Branch. It's a story you need to tell. And it's a story that some trolls need to hear," she replied. She turned to glance at the spot where the heavy foliage had rustled earlier, as if to check for more interruptions, but everything was quiet.

-O-

I'm doing the right thing. Acorn needs to be with his mother and sister. They're his real family, not me. Besides, I got along just fine before he came along, and I'll take care of myself just fine after I… I'll be fine. I guess…

I bit my lip, picturing the two of us lost and miserable without each other. Then again, Tulip didn't seem to want me to stop being friends with Acorn. Maybe I should just put it off, see if I can do anything else to change things. No sense being hasty, right?

I spent the rest of the day waffling indecisively back and forth. The next day, when it was almost time for pod school to let out, I went to wait for Acorn in our usual spot. When he arrived, he greeted me cheerfully enough. I guessed he'd had a better day today and was secretly relieved. Maybe I wouldn't have to have that talk with him after all.

Acorn told me he'd talked with his mom about being nicer to the other trollings, and I felt even more relieved. "I'm glad things are working out." I recalled what else Tulip had been concerned about. "Hey, why don't we stop by your pod and get Kiki? We can bring her along with us today."

An expression of unmistakable disgust wrinkled his little lavender-pink nose. "Ugh. You wanna bring Kiki along?"

I stopped short. "Yeah," I said carefully. "Why? Is there a problem? Don't you want to spend time with your baby sister?" In my experience, most of my foster siblings had doted on their younger siblings, calling them "cute" and going "Awww" at every little thing they did.

He made a tch noise and turned his head away. "I guess so."

"That didn't sound very convincing, Lil' Nut. Is something eating you?"

For once, he didn't respond with his favorite "the bergens" punchline.

"Acorn?"

The mint-green trolling pushed out his bottom lip and said scornfully, "What's so great about her? I mean, yeah, she has Daddy's eyes. So what? She doesn't even miss him!"

"Acorn!" I was shocked at his callous attitude. "How can you say that about your baby sister? Don't you know I'd give anything to have a family that loves me, like you do?"

"You do have a family! You have me!"

I started to snap back at him, but for once managed to control myself. Acorn needed to hear some hard truths, and I knew that he was more likely to listen to me than anyone else. I took a deep breath, struggling to calm my tone, but I heard the wobble in my voice. "No, I don't. I wish I did, but you don't belong to me, Acorn. You have your own family. You need to treasure them, and take care of them, while you still have them. They need you."

His belligerence faded into dismay as he watched the fight drain out of me. Head hanging, I said sadly, "You have no idea what it's like not to have a family, Acorn. To feel completely alone in the world."

"Maybe," he replied, "But being alone's not always bad."

I looked up, surprised. "What do you mean?"

His answer showed that he'd been thinking about this a lot more than I'd thought, maybe even imagining himself in my place. "If you're alone, you can say or do whatever you want, and nobody will care. Nobody will get mad at you, or tell you what to do." He sighed and added wistfully, "It sounds nice. I wish we could go somewhere far away, just you and me. We could hide out together in some secret place away from the world… Somewhere new. Somewhere that didn't remind us of…bad stuff. Wouldn't it be fun?"

So he really is avoiding thinking about his dad.

Despite myself, I hesitated. It wouldn't be the first time I'd thought about leaving the village, whether by choice, or because I'd finally gone too far and been banished. Leaving the village behind me did have a certain strange appeal. I'd never quite felt as if I belonged, as if the part of me that made me a true troll had died with my grandma.

But Acorn wasn't like me. He was young and scared and vulnerable. He needed other trolls around him. He needed to connect with them, now more than ever.

I was the only one who knew the real reason he hadn't. I also knew that unlike me, he could fix his dilemma with a simple conversation. I'd been selfish to keep him to myself for so long. It was time to help him mend his relationships, before they were irreversibly broken.

"If we left the village, we'd just be running away," I replied quietly. I gathered up my courage, and said in as firm a tone as I could manage, "Acorn, I think you should tell your mom what you told me, about how you stopped to play first, that day. About feeling like you weren't there for your dad."

Shock and fear flashed across his face. "What? I can't! She'll hate me!"

"Why would she hate you?" I countered. "It's not like you put your dad in danger. Not like I- I mean, it wasn't your fault. You didn't do anything to hurt him. She'll understand."

"No, she won't!" Desperate, he ran to me and wrapped his arms around my waist. Tears shimmered in his eyes as he looked pleadingly up at me. "She's not like you. She didn't lose her grandma!"

Gently, I said, "Acorn, you need to talk about this with her. Don't you see how it's hurting your relationship with her?"

He shook his head, tears streaming from his eyes. He hid his face against my stomach and moaned.

He wasn't going to accept my words, just as Jaunty and Courtley hadn't, back when I'd had to say goodbye to them. But just like then, something bad had crept into a relationship I treasured, undermining its wholesomeness.

Only this time, the "something bad" was me.

Somehow, being with me had messed up Acorn's relationship to other trolls, including his own family. My heart was breaking, but more than anything, I wanted Acorn to be happy. To have strong bonds with all the trolls in his life. He wasn't like me. There was something about me that caused problems everywhere I went. I'd seen it over and over, with every foster family I'd ever stayed with. Once I left, things got better for the trolls I left behind.

I knew what I had to do. No matter how much I wanted to be close to the trolls I loved, I wanted their happiness more.

I opened my mouth to speak, then clamped it shut, dragging back the sob that wanted to burst out of my aching chest. Why is it always up to me? Why am I always the bad guy?

Giving in one last time, I hugged him close, my hands automatically rubbing soothing circles on his back. I felt him relax a little, and loosen his grip.

It was time. I took a deep, shaky breath to steady myself. Then I closed my eyes, hardened my heart, and gently pushed the little trolling away from me. "Acorn, I'm sorry, but I - I can't play with you anymore."

Slow comprehension grew on his face as he saw that I meant it. "What? But you need me! You said so!"

"I know I did, but… Listen, we were only supposed to be together for a little while. This has gone on too long. You need to go back to your family, before it's too late."

"Too late? What are you talking about? I don't understand!"

"I'm sorry, but I've got to do this. It's for your own good." I turned around so he wouldn't see the tears in my eyes. "Don't contact me again." I flung my hair around a nearby tree branch and swung up and away, before my resolve could weaken. I didn't look back.

Behind me, the frantic sound of my little brother's voice grew fainter. "Branch, you can't leave me! Branch, please! Branch! Braaaaanch!"

-O-

I didn't realize tears were leaking from my eyes until Poppy put her hands on my cheeks, gently wiping them away. I tried to speak, but couldn't. My girlfriend put her arms around me, murmuring, "It's okay, sweetie. I'm here. Let it all out."

I clung to her tightly and let out a long, quavering moan, grieving all over again. Poppy wrapped her hair around the two of us, supporting and comforting me. The feel of her warm little body against mine helped me calm down.

"I didn't want to do it, Poppy, but I had no choice. It was the only way I could think of to help him move on. I didn't want to abandon him, like everyone else abandoned me. I really didn't! I just didn't know what else I could do."

"I know," she said softly, gently stroking my hair. "You did what you did because you loved him. You were looking out for him as best you could."

"Yeah, but it still hurts. Even after all this time, it hurts." Fervently I hoped that Acorn had left that hurt behind, even if he'd had to forget about me entirely to do so.

-O-

Bereft of Acorn's supportive company, I began to avoid the other trolls again. I couldn't hang with most of my new friends, since they were also Acorn's friends. Then, a few weeks after I stopped spending time with Acorn, I overheard someone comment about next year's Trollstice celebration being the tenth anniversary of our escape from the bergens. Fervently I latched onto the idea. Everything had gone wrong in my life yet again. It would be just like the bergens to show up now.

Dark foreboding gathered around me like an ominous fog. I've been so distracted lately that I let myself slack off. Well, starting right now, that's going to change. I don't have anyone – I mean, anything - to distract me anymore. I need to get my act together and start figuring out a defense plan. There's less than a year left.

I stopped working on construction projects with the Whizbangs, who were puzzled and a little hurt at my sudden lack of interest. I felt bad about that, but I just couldn't concentrate. Restlessly I reverted to old habits, wandering through the forest around the village. I ranged further and further away, looking for ideas.

It was around that time that I literally stumbled upon a system of root tunnels, hidden under a huge slab of stone. Acorn's wistful fancy came back to me. "…I wish we could go somewhere far away, just you and me. We could hide out together in some secret place away from the world. Somewhere new. Somewhere that didn't remind us of bad stuff. Wouldn't it be fun?"

A secret hideout, eh?

With some hard work, the tunnel system could be adapted to be habitable. Not only was it the perfect place to hide from the bergens, it would make a far better storage facility than a hanging pod. It could hold enough supplies for the entire village. A broad, unaccustomed smile of satisfaction spread over my face, uncomfortably pushing my cheeks upward. I was going to create my most ambitious project yet – the perfect hideout. Spacious, private, and most of all, safe.

Well, as long as I make sure to learn what I need to know about underground construction. I don't want any chance of a cave-in, I mused. I'd better ask the Whizbangs for help.

I took a few steps, then stopped. Maybe I shouldn't tell them about this place. I don't want them coming here, taking over my project. It's supposed to be a secret hideout, and trolls are terrible at keeping secrets. Before you know it, half the village would be here, getting in the way.

Besides, I'd like a nice, quiet place where I can get away from the village once in a while. I won't have to worry about contaminating anyone with my "negativity," here. I mentally rolled my eyes at Poppy. I won't get into conflicts with anyone, and I won't keep having to feel guilty for hurting people.

The more I thought about it, the better I liked the idea.

Acorn's right. Out here, I can believe whatever I want. I can do whatever I want to do, and no one will tell me to stop. Just like the pod I loved so much when I was twelve. Only this time, I grinned to myself, there will be no chance at all of having it all fall down. Or be stomped by bergens. They won't even know it's there!

My body began fizzing with a strange energy that I barely recognized as excitement. This is it! This is the answer I've been searching for since I was little. The perfect defense against the bergens. They'll never catch us again! Not on my watch.

From then on, I felt better than I had since I lost Acorn. I was full of purpose again. I renewed my interest in construction, getting Laurel or one of her parents to help me whenever I ran into a problem with my "little project." I was careful not to let on that the small cold-storage cave I dug into a hillside near the village was a stand-in for a much, much bigger underground complex. To keep them from asking nosy questions, I also tried to keep my relationship with Finetune and Savvy completely professional, refusing to talk about anything but work. Thankfully, they took that in stride. They knew me and my quirks pretty well.

I spent the next year secretly working on converting the tunnel system every chance I got. I turned fifteen in January, and graduated from pod school in April. Right before Dally-dance month, the spring mating season. I was officially an adult, but I barely noticed.

That summer Leafe married Cherry Blossom and left our pod to go live with her. I ignored his absence, or tried to. I'd been expecting it for a while now. It wasn't a big deal. After all, I lost everyone eventually, right? I told myself I had to focus on the big picture. The bergens were coming, and I had work to do.

Once I had the basic living systems were set up, I began gathering supplies. I never breathed a word to anyone about the place I eventually came to call my bunker. My future home.

Author's Note:

It might seem strange for Tulip not to object much to her son having such a close relationship with the most troubled teen in the village, but these are trolls, after all. There's no need to worry about drug addicts, murderers, etc. Differences among trolls are not only tolerated, but encouraged, so there aren't a lot of unhappy people living on the fringes of society, waiting to take out their pain on the more helpless members of the world, either. So troll parents are generally not that strict about raising their trollings, or restricting where they go or who they hang out with, as long as everyone shows good sense and good manners.