Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter.
Chapter 50 – The Prince's Tale
"Professor, if you're about to confess that you sold my parents out to Voldemort…" Not for the first time today Snape looked shocked, and Harry smiled bitterly. "That was a joke, but I'm not actually surprised, now I think of it. You're the one who heard the prophecy, or part of it, and told Voldemort."
"Yes." It was said as little more than a whisper, but was heard clearly nonetheless.
"And in exchange for this information, you asked Voldemort to spare my mum so you could have her. You figured with my dad and me gone she'd be with you. Only he killed her anyways, so you turned to Dumbledore, who no doubt manipulated you into turning spy. Probably told you to honour her memory by protecting me, the last remaining piece of her on earth." Snape said nothing, didn't even twitch and Harry knew he was right. Feeling in a talkative mood, Harry continued. "I know you were friends with my mum, probably even loved her, given just how much you hated my dad, and that your patronus is a doe, same as hers. I was more than just curious why you agreed to train me in first year and once Remus and Sirius came into my life, two people who knew you growing up – however antagonistic your relationship might have been – and they were only too happy to give me some insight. They told me that your hatred of my dad went beyond bullying. They didn't realize it when they were dumb teenagers, but once they grew up they figured that you loved mum and that's why you hated dad so much: he had what you wanted. Add that to the fact that you tried to kidnap her several times and they realized you wanted her with you."
"How…"
"She recognized your eyes." Harry said. "Even through your Death Eater mask, she recognized your eyes. It was why she never really hurt you trying to get away. Sirius said that mum could be lethal with a wand, and knew how to fight the muggle way, and yet she always sent you packing with barely a scratch on you. She didn't want to hurt her oldest friend." Snape sank to his knees and couldn't stop the tear that leaked out. It was an awkward moment, seeing a teacher cry, especially given it was Snape, but somehow it seemed appropriate. He'd spent a lifetime loving a woman who loved another man, and the last thirteen years protecting her son, all of which he'd thought had been known to just two people, only to now have his deepest secrets on display. Not even Snape was immune to that emotional upheaval. Finally he spoke.
"The biggest regret of my life was alienating your mother. We grew up in the same village and she was my first and only friend. When I found out she was a witch and that we would be going to Hogwarts together it was one of the happiest days I can remember. Even when we got sorted into separate houses we were closer than ever. Then James Potter took an interest in her and because she wouldn't give him the time of day and instead spent all her time with me he and his gang turned on me, made school a living hell. That is where my mistakes began. I allowed the hurt and humiliation to turn me bitter and angry until finally in our fifth year when Lily stood up for me yet again I told her I didn't need help from…from a mudblood. I tried to apologize, but she would not speak with me. That was when Lucius Malfoy, Head Boy, at the time, befriended me, and by the time we graduated Hogwarts I had joined the Death Eaters, the only ones who were nice to me, while the Dark Lord himself seemed to be the only one to understand me. As I'm sure you know the Dark Lord was not always a madman. He was charismatic, understanding, benevolent and persuasive. He said and did all the right things until almost half the country, and many outside Britain, followed him. Even back then I was a potions prodigy, and my skills had earned me the Dark Lord's gratitude on more than one occasion. When he offered to grant me anything my heart desired, I told him of Lily. Spun a tale of how she was being lied to and forced to be with James Potter, though anyone with eyes could see they loved each other. He played along, promising that if I could rescue her from our enemies' clutches, he would free her of whatever enchantment she was under so we could be together. So yes, I tried to capture her. Shortly after he began his descent into madness, and in a matter of months became the megalomaniac he was at the end. Death, torture and rape were a daily occurrence, and displeasing him was not an option so when I heard the prophecy I went straight to him. He was very pleased and wished to reward me. I reminded him of Lily and he promised that she would be mine. Then I learned that he thought you were the child in the prophecy, and I knew he would not keep his promise. Lily would die before allowing anything to happen to you, and he would not allow anyone that stood in his way to live. That was actually when I went to Dumbledore, not after he killed her, but before. I begged Albus to hide her, to hide you, and in return for her safety I agreed to spy for him."
'That makes more sense, actually.' Harry thought. He'd forgotten for a moment that Dumbledore had kept Snape out of Azkaban by vouching that he'd turned spy prior to Voldemort's downfall. If Snape had waited until after his mother was dead then it would have been too late.
"I was the first in the house that night." Snape continued his confession. "At Dumbledore's request Pettigrew told me their location, saying as spy I needed to know in case I had to urgently warn them of anything, so as soon as I heard that he'd gone to kill you I raced to Godric's Hollow, but I was too late. The roof was partially collapsed, your father dead on the stairs and your mother…Lily was dead before your crib. You were crying, the scar new and bleeding on your forehead, though my mind didn't register that at the time. I only remember seeing Lily, reaching for her, holding her body in my arms and it wasn't until Black and Hagrid crashed into the house, however many minutes or hours later, that I became aware again. I left Lily and apparated somewhere, miraculously not splinching myself, and that was where Dumbledore found me. You were right about what he said about protecting you in her memory. I recognized the manipulation but in my grief I didn't care. Spending the rest of my life as a spy, always looking over my shoulder, was the least I deserved, after all, after killing my only friend. And I have spent the last thirteen years hating myself for it, and regretting that she died hating me."
"She never hated you." Someone said from behind them. The teens spun around, unaware that anyone else had been there, though Snape didn't even flinch. Even as emotionally distraught as he was, he'd spent too long as a spy to not know when someone was sneaking up behind him. He knew it was Remus and Sirius, and while normally this would raise his ire, this time he couldn't find it in him to care. "She always believed in you, you know." It was Sirius who had spoken, and surprisingly he was calm, Harry would have expected him to try and kill Snape after that confession, but aside from his own tears, which unlike Snape he wasn't trying to hide, he was calmer than Harry had ever seen him. "When you first joined the Death Eaters Lily was beside herself. She was adamant that you weren't like them and always held out hope that you'd realize that."
"She forgave you for what you called her in fifth year quite quickly, actually." Remus added. "But by the time she was ready to speak with you again, you'd stopped trying to apologize and were firmly under Lucius Malfoy's influence. Sirius saw how much that hurt her and that's when he concocted that godforsaken prank, though I didn't know it at the time, in an attempt to hurt you as you had hurt Lily. James found out and put a stop to it. You always thought he was in on it and got cold feet, but he never knew, Sirius didn't tell any of us."
"Lily nearly murdered me when she found out." Sirius smiled sardonically at the memory. "She told us in no uncertain terms that we were to leave you alone or she would go directly to the Ministry and get me sent to Azkaban for almost killing you. That's why we stopped going after you. Not because we'd suddenly matured, but because Lily threatened us. It did have the side effect of giving James more time to try and woo her, and in sixth year they got together, as you know. Then when we left Hogwarts and you joined the Death Eaters we were ready to go after you again, this time legally as we were aurors, but Lily made us promise not to hurt you. Even when she admitted that the Death Eater who tried more than once to capture her was you, she made us promise to protect you." Snape raised an eyebrow. "Well…tried to get us to promise to protect you. She only got us to promise to not specifically go after you or hurt you unnecessarily."
"She was pregnant at the time, you see, and Lily was already scary enough, but add in pregnancy hormones and she was downright terrifying." Remus smiled fondly at the memory, and even Harry, who as a teenage boy would normally cringe at the thought of his mother pregnant with him, smiled softly.
"The point is, she cared for you, Sni-Severus. Right until the end." Snape didn't reply to that and for a time no one said anything, until Ginny asked the question they were all thinking.
"So where do we go from here?" They all, without exception, looked to Harry, who, whether surprisingly or not, had an answer ready.
"We carry on." He said resolutely. "Nothing has changed except now that we've had this heart-to-heart we know more about motives, thoughts, feelings, and all that, and can move passed some of the barriers to better prepare for what's to come. Professor, you will continue to train us along with Bill. Sirius, as an auror you know a lot about fighting dark wizards and should be training us as well, so the two of you are going to put aside your animosity and work together in that." Both Snape and Sirius turned to glare at each other, but Harry held up his hand. "You don't have to like each other, I don't think you will ever like each other, but you've both learned enough here today to work together at least somewhat cordially. Understand?" Snape's lips pursed, looking like he wanted to dock points and issue detention at a student addressing him thusly, but this wasn't just any student, and as he had essentially just bared his soul, he decided to let Harry get away with it. Just this once mind, and Harry could easily read the warning in Snape's eye should he ever speak to the potion's master that way again.
"Yes, alright." Sirius muttered. There was little he wouldn't do for his godson, after all, even if it meant being nice to Snape. Remus tried not to laugh at Sirius' pained expression as they bade Snape goodbye, the lost man now gone, replaced once again by the bat of the dungeons. "That was really something, Harry." Sirius said when they were alone.
"I didn't mean for all of that to come out. I don't even know why Snape felt the need to reveal that now, after thirteen years."
"There comes a point when a person can no longer keep their silence, no matter the consequences." Said Remus. "I think that Severus was so haunted by the past he was nearing a breaking point and knew that if he didn't say anything now and you learned later of his involvement it could be disastrous. Especially given the trust you have placed in him since your first year."
"He's all in now, though, I think." Said Ginny. "Any hesitation, anything he was holding back, is gone. He's your man now, Harry, through and through. Though he'll never admit it, of course."
"Let's hope he doesn't." Ron spoke up. "That was bloody awkward, that was. And seeing Snape cry…don't want to go through that again."
"Teachers are human too, Ronald." Hermione growled.
"Yeah, but that doesn't mean we need to see them cry!" He and Hermione began bickering and Harry couldn't help but smile. It had been quite a day, learning all that he had, but even so some things never changed.
A/N - Merry Christmas and Happy New Year, everyone!
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