A/n- So I'm playing with writing styles again. This one starts in sort of a 'stream of consciousness' way and is supposed to feel disjointed. The whole chapter is not written in such manner though 😉. And kinda a song fic? As the name indicates there's singing involved...
Also these babies need therapy so here's a couple of the boys working through (fairly) recent events.
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Pain exploded in his head. It kept pushing, pushing until he'd been forced into a box. In his own mind. Everything hurt. [It hurt so much!] but he couldn't tell where the pain was coming from. [Why so much pain?] Darkness surrounded him...
How long had he been in the dark. Where were his brothers? Why couldn't he find them? He tried to open his eyes only to feel shoved away.
"Who's there?" He tried to shout- but no sound came out.
Evil laughter swirled around him. "Don't bother little ninja... I'm the one in control here."
Darkness choked him again.
Then as if watching on a screen he saw his body moving, attacking- attacking his own family. [Nononono!] But the sickly green hand closed around his mind.
...
He didn't know how long it'd been when Kai's voice filtered into his awareness. No he wouldn't hurt his brother. He wouldn't, he wouldn't, HE WOULDN'T.
Control.
Only for a minute but he broke through the barrier! Kai was safe, he'd protected his brother!
Waves of anger slammed into him. Pain, so much pain! "You'll regret that!"
The barriers around him doubled, tripled in strength. But he didn't regret it, he didn't, he didn't, he didn't.
The dark kept coming and going. He hated the dark [too dark- too alone!] but when he did see... attacking, always him [my body, not me? It's not me, right?] attacking his brothers.
"Make it stop!" But only laughter.
...
Breathing! Really truly breathing! Looking up [up up up! Not through!] in time to see the cage door slam closed. He was breathing. He was seeing. But he was so tired. Needed sleep. Needed sleep. His eyes drifted shut- too dark, too dark, too dark!
Mocking laughter surrounded him. The taunts- "puny little green ninja." Venom. So much venom. "Who do you think you are? That gi doesn't belong to you."
Pain exploding. Never ending.. never ending... was this all there was?
...
Dizzy. Tired. So tired. So heavy. The weight crushed him. 'What?' Air! That was true air! In his own lungs. Voices close by. Too indistinct to make out the words but he knew those voices.
His brothers. Nearby.
A whimper escaped. [So weak, so weak, so weak] and cold laughter sounded above his ears. Nonononono! He knew that voice too- pressure against his throat [sharp owowowow].
Falling... falling... falling!
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Lloyd landed hard on the floor. The echoes of a cry rang in the room, or maybe that was just in his mind? He scrambled up on all fours and jerked his head from side to side. 'Where-?' The seconds stretched on before Lloyd could recognize his room in Yang's Temple.
Trembling Lloyd leaned back on his legs and lifted his hands, squeezing them into fists- just to prove to himself he could still move [in control, in control, in control]. He shuddered violently and felt his knees give out beneath him. Catching himself before smacking his head, Lloyd stayed half kneeling, half crouching on the ground.
Tears pricked at his eyes even as he tried to shove them down. ["The great green ninja crying. Oh you poor thing"- mocking, mocking, mocking!] He shouldn't be affected like this. Morro had just helped them figure out Yang's plan, helped them find Cole.
So why was he a jellied mess on his bedroom floor?
It had been over a year since Morro body-napped him. [Control, control, control. Need control!] He was stronger now. He was home-
He would never admit to his brothers that he'd asked Ronin to make buttons for his gi out of deepstone... that they also lined the inside of his hood. (It was his mind, his mind, his mind)
Lloyd scrubbed his face and shakily rose to his feet. The adrenaline (and terror) pumping through his veins wasn't going to dissipate any time soon. He had enough experience to know that.
Softly he crept down the hall. It had to still be very early because not even Sensei Wu's light was on yet.
He made his way to the main level and only then noticed the pattering noise on the roof. How out of it had he been to not even realize the rain falling outside? Walking to a window, Lloyd looked out into the night.
Rain fell steadily, a summer shower.
Lloyd was seized by a strong urge to go outside. [Water is safety!] And the temple did have a resident ghost...
He had to remain in control.
Without further hesitation Lloyd sprinted into the rain. Immediately the cool water seeped into his hair and pjs. Lloyd let out another shuddery sigh (that most certainly was not a sob) and tipped his head back. Fat raindrops ran down his face- that definitely had a salty taste to them, but this time Lloyd didn't care. [He was free, he was free, he was free]
"-inside your head
You got a voice that says
You won't get past this one
You won't win your freedom."
Lloyd jumped. He spun on his heel and scanned the dark courtyard for the source of the voice.
"It's like a constant war
And you wanna settle that score
But you're bruised and beaten
And you feel defeated."
Enough adrenaline faded for Lloyd to recognize Cole's (slightly off-key) tenor.
"This goes out to the heaviest hearts."
Lloyd finally made out Cole's silhouette seated near the edge of the temple's property, his own head raised to the heavens.
"Oh, to everyone who's hit their limit
It's not over yet
It's not over yet
And even when you think you're finished
It's not over yet
It's not over yet."
He didn't want to disturb Cole, but Lloyd was also struck with the desire not to be alone [too dark!]. So Lloyd cautiously edged closer.
"Keep on fighting
Out of the dark
Into the light
It's not over
Hope is rising
Never give in
Never give up
It's not over yet-"
Cole broke off upon seeing Lloyd. He patted the ground beside him. Lloyd sank into the soggy grass next to Cole. In the predawn darkness Cole's scar emitted an eerie green light. The same sickly green that Morro gave off.
Lloyd shuddered and quickly looked away. If Cole noticed he didn't comment.
"You're up early."
Lloyd shrugged, keeping his gaze down. "I could say the same about you."
"Touché."
They lapsed into silence. Eventually the rain began to lighten and turned to a soft drizzle.
"I wanted to make sure it wasn't a dream." Cole softly broke the silence. He shifted and the glow of his scar faded for a moment. "That I really am human again..."
Lloyd hated the slight tremor he heard in Cole's voice. Cole was the rock of their team. He didn't get scared. But this... this whole mess was unprecedented. "And this is the first time it's rained since the Day of the Departed."
"Kinda cements the fact I'm not a ghost anymore. That water burned it- it wasn't right. Water is life. When I couldn't touch it, it felt like another nail in the coffin so to speak." Lloyd snorted at Cole's turn of phrase. "Yeah, that might have been too accurate a description."
"But we got you back."
"Barely." Cole leaned back on his arms, looking up at something only he could see. "I keep seeing the Rift close before I get to it." He laughed, a rather bitter sound. "Then I keep forgetting I'm solid and can no longer walk through walls. Part of me misses it, the strength I had, the molding objects into what I wanted. But," he wrapped a wet arm around Lloyd's shoulders, "this is so much better."
Lloyd leaned against Cole. He knew Cole wouldn't push him, but since Cole had said what was on his mind Lloyd felt he owed him that much. "I-I- seeing Morro again it- I was back there. His prisoner. My body no longer mine. I can't- nothing I've gone through can compare to being shoved into a tiny corner of my own mind. Sure Yang siced Pythor after me but facing him... it was just one more villain in a long line. Yeah Pythor betrayed me and held me captive with the threat of death hanging over my head, but he didn't have Skales hypnotize me. With Morro there's so much I wish I could forget. How I attacked people-"
"It wasn't you." Cole cut in, his voice back to firm reassurance. "You stopped Morro from hurting Kai. Anything else that happened in that time is on him, not you."
Lloyd grunted but knew Cole wasn't about to let him continue saying those types of things. "Fine. But I- it hurt so bad. To be shoved away from who you are? I- I can only describe it as violating- humiliating. I wasn't strong enough. Morro made sure to remind me constantly. He- he didn't make it a secret what he wanted to do to you all, to Ninjago, and me..." Lloyd swallowed hard. "What he planned to do because 'I stole the mantle'... just the images Morro would force into my consciousness..." He trailed off, shaking.
Cole drew Lloyd closer to him and started carding a hand through Lloyd's hair like he would when Lloyd was younger. "I'm sorry, Lloyd."
More tears began to trickle down Lloyd's cheeks. "I hate the memories. I hate feeling afraid."
Instead of responding, Cole began to sing softly,
"Oh, game set match
Time to put it in your past, oh
I feel the winter leavin'
It's redemption season
Long live the young at heart
Cheers to a brand new start
We're revived and breathing
To live a life for freedom
"Oh, to everyone who's hit their limit
It's not over yet
It's not over yet
And even when you think you're finished
It's not over yet
It's not over yet
"Keep on fighting
Out in the dark
Into the light
It's not over
Hope is rising
Never give in
Never give up
It's not over
Yet, woah
Yet
"And life is a race we run
So run 'til the race is won
Don't you ever give up
Oh, no, never give up
Life is a race we run
So run 'til the race is won
Don't you ever give up
We will never give up
Oh, to everyone who's hit their limit
And even when you think you're finished
It's not over yet"
"Our lives do suck a lot of the time, but Lloyd you're still here. You're still fighting. When you get knocked down you've got all of us around you to help you back up."
Lloyd let out a choked laugh. "I didn't mean to make this all about me."
"Nah," A rumble came from Cole's chest that might have been his own laugh. "I'm telling myself the same thing I'm telling you."
"But- but you're Cole. You don't get so- so broken."
"Kid I ain't perfect. I fail, and," Cole's tone took on a slightly lighter note, "though I will deny it if you tell the others, I do get scared. The last week definitely restated that. There's a lot that knocks me down, but since being a part of this family I've learned to lean on others. And I've learned how to hope. If you try to do everything for and by yourself you'll only last so long under that kind of pressure."
"I- I keep forgetting."
"That's another reason you got me- and the others- around, to keep reminding you. I know a thing or two about having to overcome 'childhood programing'."
From what he knew of Cole's upbringing, Lloyd had to agree. "Thank you... I- you all mean more to me than you probably know."
"Love you too, kiddo."
Something warm flared in Lloyd's chest. He pressed tighter against Cole, overwhelmed by the reminder that yes, he did have family that loved him. Even after several years it still sometimes came as a surprise. He had his own 'childhood programming' to thank for that.
They both fell quiet again. Gradually the rain stopped and clouds began to turn gray, then pink.
"We should probably go change before we catch a cold from being out in the rain most of the night."
Why must Cole ruin the moment with logic? But Lloyd reluctantly pulled himself to his feet. "Cole, I'm glad you're my brother, crazy life and all."
Cole stood and squeezed Lloyd's shoulder. "Right back atcha Lloyd. Right back atcha."
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The song Cole sings is "It's Not Over Yet" by For King and Country.