I don't own OUAT, if I did, Robin wouldn't have died. Hope you enjoy!
Regina woke up with the sunlight rays shining in through the window. It hadn't been the most peaceful sleep she had, but she had tried to keep the tossing and turning to a minimum with Henry in the bed. Her dreams had been flooded with images of Robin, Henry, and Roland leading the masses, screaming how she was a monster and how she needed to pay for her crimes. She woke several times throughout the night, unable to erase the hatred on Robin's face. The echoes of his words haunted her mind whenever she laid back down to try and fall back to sleep. I never loved you. Who could ever love an Evil Queen! She looked over at the sleeping figure of her son, thankful at least that she never woke him up with her pleas for forgiveness and desperate apologies.
She stood up and headed downstairs, deciding to make Henry's favorite breakfast, hoping it would take her mind off of her dreams and away from the bitter reality of the morning. She had missed Robin's warm body next to her. missed his kisses as she blearily opened her eyes to meet his warm blue ones. Shaking her head, she focused on making the blueberry pancakes and sausage.
Henry's nose twitched as the smell of blueberry pancakes flooded his senses. Opening his eyes ever so slightly, his gaze fixed on the empty space in front of him. His mom must already be up, making his favorite breakfast. A grin spread across Henry's face. He hadn't realized how much he actually missed his mom until he was in Neverland. But if he was being honest with himself, he had missed her the day he moved in with Emma and his grandparents. He had missed her hugs, how she had read to him every night before bed, the blueberry waffles and sausage they had every Sunday morning, he had missed everything about her. Even the things he never would've expected like how she would always check on him to make sure he was doing his homework, her reprimands to sit up straight, he had missed it all.
He walked out the room and down the stairs, suddenly feeling nerves flood his body as he remembered how his mother shifted last night and how he had woken up to hear her pleading with him. It had made his blood run cold, the things she had said. Henry, please! I have always loved you, I promise! It made him wonder what the dream-version of him had said to make her sound so desperate. He entered the kitchen as his mom turned around, her face lighting up as she grinned at him.
"Good morning, sweetie."
"Morning, Mom." He hugged her, enjoying the familiar feel of her arms around him. Knowing that he would always be safe, loved, and protected in them. He looked up, resting his chin on her chest, "How did you sleep?"
"I slept fine." She said nonchalantly, but he fixed her with a look,
"You were tossing and turning." He said pointedly. A concerned looked flashed over her face,
"Henry, I'm so sorry, did I wake you up?"
He shook his head, "Only once." He trailed off, unsure if he should bring up what she had said in her dreams. She caught the uncertainty in his tone,
"What is it?"
He looked up at her, guilt flooding his body. What if all the mean things he had said to his mom when Emma first came and after the curse broke had prompted his part in her dream? She was pleading with him, begging him to understand that she did love him. He could hear his own voice answer. No you don't. He had said so many cruel things and he remembered the small sense of satisfaction as he watched the hurt cross over her face. Back when he was certain she would always be the Evil Queen, incapable of love, incapable of loving him. He knew deep down that it wasn't true, that she had always loved him, but he had tried to cover up the hurt he had felt at all her lies and how she had made him think he was crazy. Saying those things were his way to striking back the only way he knew how. He never actually meant any of it, but what if she thought he did all that time?
"Mom," He said, his eyes watering slightly as he peered up at her. She looked shocked and concerned at his reaction, "I'm so sorry."
"Henry? Wha-"
He interrupted her, "I heard you last night, pleading with me, telling me that you always loved me. I know back when Emma came back, I said so many mean things, but I never meant any of them! I thought you never loved me because you were the Evil Queen and you were a villain so you couldn't love and you certainly couldn't love me."
Tears were making their way down his cheeks, "I said that you weren't my mom and that I never wanted to see you again. I told you to change and you did and I still left you! And I ignored you, even when I missed you because I kept telling myself that you never cared, but I knew you did. You kept showing me over and over again how much you loved me and I ignored it. I'm so sorry!" He bowed his head, his body shaking with sobs.
Regina cupped his chin and lifted his face to hers and he could see the tears in her eyes, but her voice was firm and steady, "Henry, none of that was your fault. I treated you horribly. Making you think you were crazy, putting my own interests before your well-being. Yes, I always loved you, from the moment I saw you, I loved you. But that doesn't erase all the awful things I did to you." His mom's eyes welled up with tears, "You died because of me. Because I couldn't let go of my hatred and my need for revenge. I know Emma woke you up with True Love's Kiss but that doesn't erase the fact that my actions were what put you in that position in the first place." She broke off and he could feel her chest moving, as if she was trying to calm herself down, but streaks of tears were still on her cheeks, "Henry, you never have to apologize for that. You were a kid."
He hugged her tightly, "But you had a bad dream because of me. Because of the things I said. I didn't mean any of it," He said desperately, "I always thought of you as my mom!"
"I know honey, I know." She stroked her fingers through his hair, comforting him, "I know." They stayed like that, wrapped in each other's embrace.
"I think," Regina said after several minutes, "That it's time for blueberry pancakes and sausage."
"I agree!" Henry said enthusiastically. She grinned and pulled out plates, putting some pancakes and sausage links on the plate for him. They sat down and started eating, a comforting silence between them.
"I missed this." Henry said after he had finished his third pancake. Looking up at his mom, "I missed you."
"I missed you too Henry."
Regina glanced at her reflection, smoothing out imaginary wrinkles from her gray dress. She had carefully picked out an outfit, wanting to draw some strength from her appearance even if it was the direct opposite of how she felt. She would not cry any more, not over him. She had exhausted all her tears last night. Henry was off at school for the day and she planned to stop by her office and finish some of her work, hopefully that would distract her enough while Henry was away. Her makeup was immaculate, hiding any remaining evidence that she had been crying. As she walked down the stairs, getting ready to leave, she heard a knock on the door. Quickly striding over, she pulled it open to reveal Tinkerbell. As soon as the door opened, Tink opened her mouth,
"Regina, I'm so sorry." She said it so quickly, Regina assumed that the fairy was expecting her to slam the door in her face.
"Why are you sorry?" Regina opened the door wider and stepped aside, allowing Tinkerbell to come in. As soon as she made it over the threshold and Regina closed the door, Tink turned to face her,
"I shouldn't have pushed you so hard toward Robin. I just wanted you to be happy and now look at what happened. The pain I caused you."
"Tink," Regina murmured, "It's not your fault."
Tink stared at her with wide eyes, "Regina, if I hadn't-"
Regina cut her off, "You let me have a chance, however brief, at love again. I don't regret what happened between Robin and I." Regina stopped abruptly, pressing her lips together in order to suppress the familiar tingle of tears. She would not cry.
Tink seemed to understand what was going through her mind because she approached her, giving her a brief hug, "I am here for you."
Regina smiled sadly at the fairy, "Thank you."
"I will be over at some point with a movie and ice cream." Tink said firmly.
"Tink, you don't have to-"
"I know, I want to. You're my friend Regina," Tink eyed her tentatively, "We are friends right?"
A smile spread across Regina's face as she nodded, "We're friends." The two smiled at each other and after Tink promised to call Regina later to set a date, they said goodbye. As the door shut behind the green fairy, a contented feeling settled over her. Robin may be gone, but she at least still had her son and Tinkerbell.
She poofed herself to her office, not wanting to be seen by anybody quite yet. Sitting at her desk, she had just pulled the stack of papers toward her when there was a knock on the door. Letting out a huff, she walked over, ready to see what idiot thought it was a good idea to come here today. She opened the door and stared in shock at Robin's figure.
"Hello, Regina." His voice. Oh, she had missed his voice. As she thought about it, she couldn't help but feel how pathetic she was. It hadn't even been a full day since the last time she had seen him, but here she stood, drinking in the sight of him and relishing in the sound of his voice like it had been years since they had last seen or spoken to each other.
"Robin?" She said, puzzled, wondering why he was here.
"Can I have a moment? I want to talk."
She let him in and walked over to the couch. She sat as far away from him as possible, hoping that the space between them could act as some kind of protection because she had a feeling about what he was going to say.
"I'm sorry."
She blinked, "Why are you sorry? Everything Marian said was true, I am a monster." Especially if she had killed Marian in the first place. It seemed that fate loved irony.
"The woman I know is the furthest thing from a monster."
Regina could've scoffed at that. "Maybe you don't know me as well as you think." She replied softly.
"I know you better," Robin said, meeting her eyes, "Cause you're like me. I was once, long ago, quite different, but I changed. And I left my past in the past, where it belongs, as you have." Regina's heart stopped, was he saying that Marian was in his past?
"So, what went on between us.." She trailed off.
"Was real."
Regina could've lept up and danced around the room willingly with Charming at his words. Maybe there was still a chance for them. Maybe hope wasn't such a bad thing after all.
Robin was still talking, "My feelings for you were... are real," He corrected, and she could sense the but before he said it, could feel the hope that has risen in her chest die, " But Marian is my wife. I loved her, and I made a vow... "Until death do us part", and it did. And then it didn't. But my vow remains."
Of course.
She was a villain, she was and would always be the Evil Queen. There was no redemption for her, not really. She would never be a hero, never get a happy ending.
"So," She said softly, trying to keep the bitterness from her voice, "You made your choice."
Robin met her gaze, his eyes were wide, pleading for her understanding, "I may be a thief, but I have a code, and I have to live by that code. Otherwise, what kind of life am I living? I hope you can look into your heart and understand."
A tear made its way down her cheek but she didn't notice. The air was suffocating her, she couldn't breath.
It was really over.
He had made his choice and it wasn't her. She watched him stand up and walk toward the door as she sat there thinking she had never felt so helpless. With Daniel, she had accepted that there was nothing that she could do to bring him back. But with Robin, he hadn't died, he had made a choice and it felt like there should be something she could do or say to make him stay. He walked out of the door and shut it behind him.
The sound caused Regina to stand up and take several paces toward the door as if she could somehow make him come back. This could not be hopeless. Oh but it was. She would forever be the villain, and villains don't get happy endings. The emotions swell up inside of her and she let herself be swept away by a crashing wave of sadness. Crumpling to the ground, she let out a huge sob.
She had lost him.
She had been unable to do any paperwork since Robin's visit. After sobbing for what seemed like hours, she had wiped away her tears and stood up, trembling, and sat down at her desk. She had been staring blankly at the pile of papers ever since. There was nothing left inside of her anymore. She had cried out the last bit of emotion she had. The afternoon sun shone dimly through the window as she mechanically picked up one of her pens and dragged the papers half-heartedly toward her. Her mind wouldn't stop spinning, wouldn't stop replaying every single word passed between them, every glance, touch, and kiss.
Have…have we met before?
I doubt I'd ever forget meeting you.
Snow's words played in her mind as she met Robin's gaze, "I know you, and you feel things deeply. With or without it, you feel things with your whole soul. Don't let anything hold you back." A surge of confidence had crashed through her body as she grabbed Robin's shirt, pulling him toward her, pressing their lips together. It was magic. There was no way to describe how she had felt, her lips against him. It was as if the whole world fell away and it was just the two of them. She had felt the sparks travel across her body, felt every hair on her arms stand up. He had pulled away, his eyes filled with disbelief and she knew it was the same as hers. There was no way that one kiss could hold so much, but it did, and now that she had experienced it, she needed more. He grabbed her this time, pulling her back toward her and kissed her again.
What do you see in me?
Hopefully the same thing you see in me… a second chance. And you're quite a good kisser.
Use mine for the both of us.
I would have walked through hell to be with my Marian again.
Tinker Bell told me it was possible. I could love again. She led me to this tavern, to a man who she said I was destined to be with. I never saw his face. But... I did see his tattoo.
It was me?
What a cruel twist of fate, Regina thought bitterly, scrawling her name fiercely on some permit. Turns out he never needed to walk through hell to be with Marian again. Emma had reunited them and Regina was in hell because of it. She had gotten halfway through the stack of papers when she heard a knock on the door, looking up, she smiled as her son walked in.
"Hey honey, how was school?" She asked, standing up as he approached her, throwing his arms around her. She stroked his hair softly, relishing in the embrace.
"It was good. I got my math test back and I did pretty good!"
"Henry!" She gasped as he showed her the bright red A on the paper, "That's amazing! I'm so proud of you!"
He grinned, "Thanks. Do you have more work to do?"
Regina shook her head, "No, I can be done for the day. I didn't get much done anyway." Henry furrowed his eyebrows at the tone of her voice,
"Mom? Did something happen?"
She let out a weak chuckle, her son knew her too well sometimes, "Not really, Robin just stopped by to talk."
"And?" Henry pressed.
"And nothing," She scoffed, "He has his wife back and he's honoring his vows to her. I can't fault him for that." She tried to smile at Henry but all she could think about was that small moment after Robin had said that his feelings for her were real, that moment that a small seed of hope had sprouted, that maybe they weren't over. But then he had finished his sentence and he had made his choice.
"I'm so sorry Mom. You deserve to be happy."
She cupped his chin and lifted it up, "I have you. That's all I need." She said it so convincingly that she almost believed it. Her son was her everything and he made her so happy but it was nice having someone again. Someone who could understand her, who would kiss her pain, sorrow, and insecurities away. While she and Robin hadn't been together long, the connection was there and she knew that she would've grown to love him. They were soulmates, it was literally written in the stars.
But no matter what the stars spelled, it couldn't erase her actions, couldn't erase the fact that when she had stood in front of that tavern door all those years ago, choosing anger over love, she had let go of the last chance she had to love like that again. She remembered the eerie silence that had followed in the wake of Tinkerbell's departure. Remembered that all that was in the room was echoes of her heartbeat losing its love.
And she had lost it. Lost it to darkness and promises of revenge that Rumpelstiltskin had whispered in her ear. But she was just a pawn to him. He had crafted her into the Evil Queen and she knew that while she did choose to follow that path, there was no doubt that he had shoved her down it. She had been lost for such a long time. Until she got Henry, her light amidst all her darkness. The only thing that she had managed to get right.
"Can we get dinner from Grammy's?" Henry's voice drew her out of her thoughts.
"Sure honey." She wrapped an arm around his shoulders, not liking the fact that her arm wasn't as low as usual.
"Mom?" Henry's questioning gaze searched her face. Her dislike of his growth spurt must've showed on her face.
"Nothing," She said, scrunching her face a little as she adjusted her arm, "You've just gotten so much taller." Henry let out a mischievous laugh,
"I'm not even going to apologize for that."
Regina chuckled as she pushed open the door, leading them outside before stopping abruptly, taking in the odd site before her. She blinked a couple times to make sure she wasn't hallucinating.
"Mom…" Henry stammered, "Why is there snow? It's the middle of summer."
"I have no clue."