Carolina in my mind

Chapter 20

Despite her desire to stay awake until the rest of the group arrived, Carolina passed out on a musty prison bunk sometime after midnight. She crashed hard and slept the kind of sleep that left her wondering what year it was when Michonne finally shook her awake in the early hours of the morning.

"They're here," the woman whispered.

Carl was passed out on the bunk above her, snoring softly with his arm dangling down from the mattress. Carolina rubbed the sleep from her eyes as she ducked under Carl's hand and followed Michonne out of the cell block.

Carolina squinted as she stepped out into the morning sun. Lifting her hand to shade her eyes, she got her first look at the group that was ducking between the poorly secured prison gates. Merle and Daryl were there, followed closely by Rick, Maggie, and Glenn. Carolina ticked them off in her mind like a mother counting ducklings. The two remaining prisoners they freed from the cafeteria didn't make it back. Carolina wasn't too worried about them. And the other members of Tyreese's original group must have chosen to stay in Woodbury. She couldn't remember their names. But Carolina felt like there was someone else she was forgetting. Someone more important.

"Who's missing," she pondered, not really meaning to say the words aloud. Carol was next to her. And she must have been doing the same thing as Carolina. Because she answered her question with a sad sigh.

"Beth," Carol whispered. "She's not with them."

Carolina felt the same sinking feeling in her stomach that she got when she watched Morgan fly head over heels off the top of that roof. They weren't supposed to lose Beth. At least not now. She was supposed to die later. After Terminus fell. Though Beth wasn't responsible for saving Daryl and Aaron's lives later, the way Morgan was, Carolina was still worried that her premature absence might have some sort of weird butterfly effect on the group. If Beth didn't end up at Grady memorial with Dawn and her brigade of creepy rapist rent-a-cops, would that part of the story just cease to exist? Or would someone else have to take Beth's place? The thought of that made the flesh on Carolina's arms prickle up.

Forgetting her worries for the moment, Carolina took off towards the gate that led into their section of the prison yard. T-Dog was locking the fence up behind the group, smiling as Glenn leaned in and gave him an awkward half hug.

"Carl and Lori are inside with the baby," Carolina told Rick, barely getting the words out before Merle crushed her against his chest. The metal sleeve on his arm was digging into her back. But Carolina didn't even mind. He might not be perfect. But Merle was still something solid for her to hold onto in the swirling chaos of this world. The stubble on his jawline felt like sandpaper against her cheek. And he smelled like sweat and dirty socks. But when he kissed her, Carolina kissed him back. The only time anyone was ever this happy to see her was the time she bailed her brother out of jail. And this was so much better. That reunion didn't come with any kissing.

"My daddy and Beth?," Maggie asked. "...Are they here?"

Carolina released her grip on Merle and turned, relieved that T-Dog was the one to tell Maggie that only her father was here. Maggie took off running into the prison with Glenn trailing behind her.

"Beth?," Carol asked, leaning into Daryl's side. He had his arm wrapped around her shoulders. And he squeezed her a little tighter as he shook his head.

"She didn't make it. I saw 'er go down. In the arena, she got caught in the crossfire and then the dead were on her. Rick didn't wanna say anything to Maggie until we were somewhere safe," Daryl explained.

Carol and T-Dog both murmured their sadness about what happened to the girl. Beth was young. She was a gentle person. She didn't deserve to die like that. No one did.

"I think I'll go put something together for breakfast," Carol said, clearly eager to feel like she was helping in some way.

After a brief discussion about what might be left in the prison cafeteria and how long they would be able to feed everyone, Merle became intent on doing some sort of inventory count. T-Dog offered to help. And after a slightly uncomfortable stare down between the two of them, they both followed Carol into the prison.

Carolina patted her pockets until she found her half smashed pack of cigarettes. Opening the pack, she fished out two only partially crumbled Morleys. Daryl lit his first, extending his hand and flicking the wheel on her yellow bic for her. Carolina cupped his hand with hers, leaning forward and inhaling once the end of her cigarette made contact with the flame.

"I'm sorry about Beth," she said. Carolina lifted her hand with the intention to reach for him. But she quickly lowered it back down to her side, unsure if Daryl would want her touching him. "Are you okay?," she asked.

Daryl probably wasn't as close to Beth by this point in the timeline as he was after he was alone with her after the prison fell. But it didn't take a genius to guess that he was probably still upset about her death. Daryl measured his own worth to the group by how many of them he was able to save. Carolina knew he had to be berating himself, feeling like it was his fault that Beth died.

"Naw," Daryl finally admitted. "Not really."

Carolina watched Daryl take a long drag off his smoke. When he exhaled the wind picked up, swirling the smoke as it disappeared into the air around them. Carolina puffed on her own smoke, searching her mind for the right thing to say. She could tell Daryl was hurting. And she just wished there was something she could do to help.

"Do you want a hug?," Carolina finally asked, immediately feeling like the lamest person on earth. And that was before Daryl turned and looked at her like she was a few bricks shy of a full load. There was a slight smile playing at the corners of his mouth.

"Uh… sure?," he said, not really sounding so sure himself.

Carolina took one last drag off her smoke before she flicked it to the ground and stomped it out. Then she moved closer to Daryl. She giggled at the awkward shuffle of their arms. But finally she was able to wrap hers around him. Daryl's body was stiff when she pressed her body against it. But after a moment, he relaxed into her embrace and hugged her back. Carolina wasn't sure exactly when the hug turned from comforting and friendly into something else. She guessed the change in atmosphere was mostly due to the way she was pressing her breasts and hips flush against his body. But no matter the reason, the next thing she knew there was a lot more of Daryl to hug. And all of it was in his pants. It took every ounce of willpower in her body for Carolina to force herself back and away from him. She tucked her hair behind her ear, pretending she didn't see Daryl adjust his pants.

"Feel better?," she asked, trying her best not to start laughing. She wasn't sure how Daryl was feeling. But at least he looked halfway amused with her instead of totally miserable.

"Carolina!" Hershel hollered, cupping his hands and calling to her from just outside the cell block door. "Can you come help me with Lori?"

Carolina was quick to nod her head. And she took off towards the building and away from Daryl at a brisk pace. She stopped Hershel before he could head inside, telling him she was sorry about Beth and giving him a hug that thankfully did not come with an extra poke in the belly like the last one. Carolina hurried inside, relieved to find out that the issue was a minor one. Lori needed to pee. And she didn't want any of the guys coming outside with her while she relieved herself.

"I'm sorry to be a bother," Lori said.

"You're not a bother at all," Carolina assured her. "I was just about to take a trip to the ladies room myself."

Lori smiled as Rick helped her up off the bunk. Carolina took over from there. Hershel said it was fine for Lori to walk as long as she took it slow. But Carolina kept her arm around the woman's waist anyway, just in case she started looking shaky. They headed outside and around the corner of the building to a slightly more secluded section of the courtyard. Carolina had to help Lori, supporting most of her weight as the woman squatted to pee. Lori was beyond embarrassed. Not that she had any reason to be. She was doing the best she could given the hell her body had been put through for the last nine months.

"Wait here just a sec," Carolina said, leaving Lori near the corner of the building. "Let me pee and then I'll walk you back inside." She lowered her pants and squatted down, thinking that the last time she peed on the side of a building she was a lot less sober than she was now.

"I think I've got some wet wipes in my bag," Carolina mentioned. "I'm about to go in there and take a serious whorebath."

"A whorebath?," Lori repeated, giving her a questioning look. Carolina laughed.

"You know," she joked, "...after some raunch sex when you're too tired to shower so you just wash your crotch and ass real quick." Like what you probably did after you plowed Shane, Carolina thought but did not add.

Lori gripped her stomach, laughing even though it hurt. "I can't," Lori gasped through the giggles. "You're killing me."

Lori bent forward slightly as she held her laughter in, causing the bullet that was meant to blow her brain out to graze the side of her head instead. She shrieked at the sudden pain, her hand lifting to her head as she tried to figure out what the hell was happening. Carolina grabbed her, pulling Lori back around the edge of the building. More bullets hit the corner of the building, ricocheting off and sending bits of brick flying in every direction. Lori's head was bleeding. But it was more of a trickle than a gush. So Carolina knew she wasn't hurt too badly. Carolina wrapped her arm around Lori, supporting the woman's slight weight as she led her further into the courtyard and up a set of cement stairs. There was a door that led into the prison. But of course it was locked. Carolina started pounding on the door as hard as she could.

"Let us in!," she hollered.

The loud whine of a delivery van engine could be heard over the shooting. And while Lori might not have any idea what that meant, Carolina knew. The governor was about to drop a giant walker bomb on their front lawn. Carolina pounded harder on the door, screaming at the top of her lungs.

"OPEN UP YOU ASSSHOLES! MERLE! DARYL! SOMEONE! OPEN THIS FUCKING DOOR!"

Carolina knew the louder she screamed and banged on the door, the better her chances were of someone inside the prison hearing her. But unfortunately the loud racket she was making was also attracting the dead.

"Oh my god," Lori gasped, her fingers digging into Carolina's arm. There was fresh blood dripping down on the side of her face where the bullet grazed her.

Carolina followed her gaze, almost freaking out herself when she saw the large group of walkers that was shuffling towards them. She left her gun and knife inside when she came out to greet Merle, leaving her without any way to defend herself or Lori. And the only way out of the small courtyard they were in was back the way they came. Which was now blocked by walkers and the threat of being shot by the governor's sniper.

"Keep knocking on the door," Carolina urged, releasing her grip on Lori and looking around for anything she could use as a weapon.

When she pictured herself on the show, Carolina pretty much just imagined a lot of hot outdoor sex with a certain well muscled redneck. Not this walker fighting bullshit. She wasn't cut out for this crap. Especially when she didn't even have a proper weapon. The only thing around was a stack of wooden pallets. Carolina grabbed the stack and drug it over, tossing the pallets onto the stairs. It wasn't the best barricade ever. But she hoped it might at least slow the dead down a little. One of the slats broke off and Carolina grabbed it, breaking it over her knee to leave herself with a sharpened piece of wood.

Lori continued to pound on the door as Carolina kept an eye on the dead. The haphazard pile of pallets did slow them down. But as they started to pile up they were climbing on top of each other, creating a weird unhuman ladder. The first one that managed to clamber to its feet at the top of the stairs got her piece of broken wood to the face. Carolina knocked it backwards, kicking the next closest one in the face. But her efforts were of little use. There were too many. Even if she had a gun she wasn't sure if it would help.

Just when Carolina was considering jumping the rail and making a run for it, the door Lori was pounding on finally swung open. Michonne caught Lori as she stumbled forward.

"Get in here quick," Carl urged, staring at the incoming herd of walkers with concern. Carolina darted inside the door, holding it shut as Carl locked it. They got the door bolted just in time. The sounds of the dead rubbing and slapping their bodies against it were audible even over the chaos outside.

"Fuck every bit of this bullshit," Carolina cursed.

"MOM!," Carl cried out, his voice cracking when he saw the blood on Lori's face.

"She's okay," Carolina promised. "It just grazed her." Michonne ticked her head towards the sound of gunfire, gesturing for Carolina to come with her. Carolina nodded. "Carl," she ordered, "...take your mom back to the cell where your sister is and stay there."

Carolina waited just long enough to hear Carl agree before she tore off down the darkened hallways after Michonne. They passed by a locked cell that still had a live walker inside. It pressed its rotted body against the bars, groaning as it reached for them. Carolina kept moving, trying not to think about what a horrible death the man must have had stuck in a cell with no food or water.

"We've got to take out that sniper," Michonne said, leaning into the open doorway just long enough to get another look at what was happening in the courtyard.

Most of the group had taken up position behind the cars that were parked near their cellblock. Sasha and Merle were positioned towards the front. But they were still too far away. They couldn't advance on the governor because there was a sniper positioned in one of the guard towers. And they couldn't get a good shot in on him because he was lying on the platform outside the tower, protected by the metal safety bars and the cement under his body.

"No shit," Carolina huffed. She shook her head, realizing that Michonne wasn't even next to her anymore. She was digging through the weapons stash they took from Morgan's bunker.

"There's riot gear in here," Michonne exclaimed, pulling a giant gun out of a bag and holding it up for Carolina's inspection. It wasn't until Michonne handed her a box full of smoke grenades that Carolina realized what the woman was planning to do.

"No fucking way Michonne," Carolina said, shaking her head. "You're not running across that yard."

"They won't be able to get a clear shot if we fire off the smoke grenades first," Michonne argued.

"We've got swat gear," Tyreese offered, holding up one of the bullet proof vests they took off the prison guard walkers. Michonne grabbed the vest, wrinkling her nose up at the gore it was covered in. She'd be able to run faster without it on. But putting it on seemed like the smart thing to do. Even if it was about to make her stink like rotten death.

Once Michonne was reluctantly fastened into her filthy vest, Carolina followed behind her towards the door, adjusting her grip on the large gun in her hands. The moment the current round of gunfire ceased, they darted out the door together. Carolina kept as low to the ground as she could, which wasn't very low since she was the one lugging the giant gun and the smoke grenades.

Carolina overshot and slammed against the side of the car Merle was using for cover. She slunk to the ground, shoving the giant gun in Merle's general direction.

"The hell!," he barked. "Get your ass back inside! Right fuckin' now!"

"Shut the hell up and take this," Carolina spit back. Merle pulled the large weapon from her hands. It only took him one look at the smoke grenades and the vest Michonne was wearing to figure out what the woman planned to do.

"We'll cover ya," Merle said, peeking out over the hood of the car. "Don't run at the tower dead on." He gestured with his metal sleeve to show her which way she ought to take. "If you curve a little to the right, those fuckers outside won't be able to get a clean shot." Once Michonne nodded her agreement to his suggestion, Merle turned his attention back to Carolina. "You sit right there," he said, pointing to the spot he wanted her in. "...behind the tire! And stay there. And keep your fuckin' head down."

Carolina sighed, adjusting her body into the spot Merle indicated. She felt like she ought to object. Michonne was about to run across a war zone. And she was being made to hide behind a tire so she wouldn't get hurt. But Carolina quickly decided she'd already had her share of excitement for the day. She bent her knees up close to her body. And when Merle lifted the large gun that he was about to use to fire off the smoke grenades, Carolina clamped her hands down over her ears and kept them there. The rest of the fight sounded like it was happening under water. She could smell the smoke. And then lots of gunfire. After what felt like forever, but in reality was probably only a minute or two, Merle pulled her up off the ground so she could watch the governor and his men retreat.

Carolina glanced at Rick and Glenn. They were yelling at Michonne, telling her not to kill the man that was firing down at them from the guard tower before. She'd already kicked the literal crap out of the guy. And once she ran off the governor she pulled out her sword, intending to finish the job and kill the sniper. Michonne stopped mid-motion. Tucking her sword away, she leaned down and punched the man in the face instead. Carolina watched as Rick and a few of the others took off down to the tower. And a few minutes later they drug Martinez's unconscious body into the prison and locked him in a cell.