Carolina in my mind

Chapter 24

The sun was just starting to peek over the horizon line. But despite the early morning hour, the only person still asleep inside the prison was Lori's baby. The tiny baby girl who, as far as Carolina knew, still had not been officially named. The air outside was damp. And it felt cool against her skin compared to the stuffy interior of the prison.

Carolina covered her mouth to hide a yawn. She rolled her shoulders and tugged at the legs of the orange prison jumpsuit she slept in, trying to keep the material from riding up her thighs. She spent the night tossing and turning on the thin lumpy prison mattress. Merle took watch for the first half of the night. And Carolina wasn't able to sleep at all until he slid onto the small cot and tucked his body in behind hers. But his reassuring presence did nothing to help with how uncomfortable the prison bunk was. Her back and neck hurt. And Carolina was still trying to decide if she was totally pissed off that she wasn't being allowed to attend the hostage exchange, or relieved that she was staying behind at the prison where it was safe.

"Can't you stay here with me?," Carolina whispered, wrapping her arms around Merle. Her fingers fisted into the back of his shirt. "Why does it have to be you that goes?"

Merle's only answer to her question was to pull her tighter against his chest. But to be fair, she wasn't really expecting an actual answer. They'd already had this discussion at least three times. Carolina knew that if she wasn't able to convince him that this was a bad idea while her naked thighs were wrapped around his waist, she had absolutely no chance of convincing him now. Merle knew the risk he was taking, meeting the governor at the location where he was meant to die. And he was going anyway.

"If I don't come back," he whispered, "...you know what to do?" HIs voice was raspy and his breath was hot against the skin behind her ear.

Merle pulled his head back, locking his darker blue eyes with her lighter ones as he waited for an answer. Carolina nodded without hesitation. But she wasn't actually sure if she planned to follow his instructions. If the governor ambushed them at the meet, Merle was convinced the prison would fall shortly after. If he didn't come back, he wanted her to run and hide out at their cabin. He said he was going to meet her there. Later. Carolina promised him she would. But really, she didn't think she could even find the cabin again without his help.

Merle's stubble was rough against her cheek when she leaned in for one more kiss. Carolina's emotions were swirling wildly inside her. But she still seemed to be faring far better than Lori. The woman was a total mess. She was crying so hard there was actual snot dripping from her nose. And Caorlina guessed that in addition to the unresolved issues between her and Rick, the amount of pain she must be in, and the ongoing conflict with the governor, she also appeared to be suffering from what had to be an intense bout of postpartum depression. Rick had to physically pry her hands loose from the front of his shirt before he could join Merle, Daryl, and Michonne by the truck. Their three hostages were already cuffed and secured in the backseat of the vehicle.

"It's okay," Carolina offered. Nothing was actually okay. But it still felt like the right thing to say. She moved in, taking hold of Lori and forcing the injured back towards the door as gently as she could. Carol moved in on Lori's other side and Carolina gave the woman a grateful smile. Together they managed to corral Lori back inside without too much of a fight.

Once Lori was seated at the closest table, she buried her face in her hands and really let go. Her entire body was shaking with the force of her sobs. Hershel lowered himself into the chair next to her and pulled her against his chest. He rubbed his hands over Lori's back, offering some quiet soothing words of comfort.

"The shed Tyreese and Sasha cleared was half full of pharmacy shit, wasn't it?," Carolina asked. Carol nodded. She didn't say anything. But Carolina could tell her question set the wheels in the shrewd woman's head turning. "Has anyone gone through it yet?"

"Just your boyfriend," Carol huffed, rolling her eyes. She saw Merle rooting around in the bags and boxes of pharmaceuticals like a deranged squirrel while Carolina was outside smoking. But since he stomped off in a huff with a loud flurry of profanity, Carol guessed he didn't find whatever it was that he was looking for.

"What a dumbass," Carolina said, shaking her head. "Merle needs to get high like he needs a hole in the fucking head." Looking at Carol, Carolina realized the woman must have been expecting her to defend Merle's honor or make up some excuse for his behavior. But she didn't. Carol's expression of shock quickly gave way to a shy smile.

"Let's go see if we can find something for Lori," Carol suggested.

Carolina nodded and followed her into the cell where the medical supplies were being stored. About half an hour later they were sitting on the floor surrounded by piles of pill bottles and small cardboard packages. There was a lot they set aside for Hershel to look through. Mostly things that neither of them knew the uses for. And they did manage to find a sizable array of antidepressants and anxiety medication for Lori. Carolina wasn't sure which ones were safe for a nursing mother. But she hoped Hershel might be able to help with that too.

"Don't tell but I'm going to take these for myself," Carolina said, lowering her voice to just above a whisper as she shook a bottle of small yellow pills around in front of her. "I'm about to get me some sleep tonight," she added. Carol reached for the bottle, scanning her eyes over the bottle curiously.

"Valium?," Carol read. "These will help you sleep?" Carolina giggled, shaking one of the scored pills out into her palm before she tucked the rest of the bottle between her ample breasts.

"Not only will it help you sleep," Carolina said, using her thumbs to crack the small pill down the middle. "...but if we get attacked in the night, you won't even care."

Carolina tossed half the pill into her mouth, extending her hand out so Carol could take the other half. She reached for the tiny half circle, eyeing it with great suspicion. Finally Carol shrugged her shoulders and tossed the pill into her mouth, chasing it down with a sip of water before she started gathering up the pills they found for Lori.

Hershel managed to get Lori back to her bed. But she was still weeping inconsolably. When they approached, Hershel was sitting on the bed, holding Lori's baby and letting Lori rest her head on his lap. Carl was hovering nervously in the doorway. But he was quick to move, allowing Carol and Carolina room to enter.

"We found some antidepressants," Carolina offered, holding up a handful of bottles. "I wasn't sure which ones were safe for her to take while she's nursing but…"

Hershel smiled, shifting the baby so she was resting her head on his shoulder. The two women moved in, dumping the bottles in a pile next to him. He poked through the stash, deciding on what he thought was best for Lori. Carol gathered the rest up and scurried away to return them to the storage area.

"Would you take the baby while I get Lori some water?," Hershel asked.

Carolina cringed back slightly. She would be happy to get Lori some water. Especially if it meant not having to hold a human so tiny that its own head wasn't securely attached yet. But she guessed that this was Hershel's polite way of letting her know he needed a break. And Carolina didn't have the heart to refuse him. So she sat down and allowed Hershel to tuck what felt to her like a tiny nuclear bomb into her arms. He slid Lori off his lap, his face growing dark with concern when she broke out into a fresh bout of sobbing tears.

"It's uh..," Carolina stuttered. "It's gonna be okay. We found you some medicine that should help." She thought she ought to pat Lori's back or something. But she was afraid to take even one finger off the baby. She was so nervous she might drop the baby but also terrified that she was going to squeeze it too tight. If her valium wasn't already kicking in, her arms would probably be shaking slightly from the tension.

"Medicine won't help," Lori sobbed. "My husband hates me. He won't even look at me. He won't touch me. He doesn't want to pick out a name for the baby. Rick knows she's not his."

"What do you mean she's not his?," Carl asked, his voice cracking slightly. "Dad's not the dad of this baby? I'm still her brother? Right?"

"Oh shit," Carolina mumbled under her breath.

Lori sat up. It was clear from the look on her face that she had no idea Carl was standing in the doorway of her cell, let alone in earshot. And he definitely just got the earful of the century. But on the plus side, Lori was wiping at her face and finally making an attempt to pull herself together. She held her arms out, wrapping them around Carl as he practically dove onto the bed with her. She stroked her hands over him, smoothing his hair back from his face.

"I thought your dad died at the hospital," Lori whispered. "And Shane…" Lori swallowed hard. Her voice was thick with emotion. And it wasn't hard to guess that in addition to everything else, Lori was never able to grieve for the man she fell in love with while the world burnt down around them. "Shane took good care of us," she finally said, clearly struggling to find the right words. It took Carl a minute to process what she said. But when he did, his head popped up.

"This is Shane's baby?," he confirmed with a tinge of excitement in his voice. Lori nodded. "And she's still my sister, right?"

"She's still your sister," Lori promised.

"She sure is," Carolina added. "...and I bet you'd really like to hold her." Carolina wasted no time in awkwardly handing the baby over to Carl.

"You don't have any kids do you?," Lori asked, showing the first sign of anything besides misery across her features since they brought her in from the courtyard. Carolina was brushing herself off aggressively, like she was afraid she'd become infected with baby cooties. And while Lori wasn't ready to laugh, she did find the woman's antics amusing.

"God no. My students were enough," Carolina said. Those horrid gremlins were bad enough. There was no way she wanted to come home from work to more of them. She liked her apartment clean. And she liked her vagina in one piece and not ripped to shreds from squeezing out some horrible big headed baby.

"You were a teacher?," Carl asked. Carolina giggled as she nodded her head. Carl was looking her up and down with the expression she often got. The one that said, none of my teachers ever looked like you. "My favorite teacher was my third grade teacher, Ms. Mueller." Carl looked down at the tiny bundle in his arms. "Hey! What if we name her Judith, after my teacher?" Carl looked at his mother, gauging her reaction to his idea.

"I think that's a lovely name," Lori said, wrapping her arms around Carl and snuggling both her children close to her.

Since they seemed to be having a sweet family moment, Carolina decided it was a good time to make her exit. Preferably before they tried to make her hold baby Judith again. She eased her way off the bunk and headed for the open area of the prison. Since they spent the wee hours of the morning getting ready for the hostage exchange, no one had stopped to fix breakfast yet. And she figured it might as well be her because her stomach was starting to grumble. Carolina was pulling a box of oatmeal down from a shelf when she heard Carol hollering through the prison.

"They're back!"

Carolina ran for the door, slipping on a wet spot on the floor and nearly falling on her ass in her hurry to see who was back and who might not have made it back. The truck was in the courtyard. And the first person she spotted was Rick. He was helping Glenn down out of the truck. Carolina's eyes darted nervously. Michonne was standing next to the passenger side, with T-Dog. And Daryl climbed out of the truck behind Glenn with Maggie cradled securely in his arms. It wasn't until she failed to spot Merle that Carolina realized how emotionally invested she was in whether or not he made it back alive. She might not be as head over heels in love with him as he was with her. But at some point he'd obviously become more than just a prime piece of ass to her. And when she saw him hop down out of the bed of the truck, her heart felt like it was about to jump out of her chest.

Carolina didn't feel the pavement under her feet as she rushed across the courtyard, plowing into Merle with such force that it knocked him back against the side of the truck. He swore at her. But he was also hugging her fiercely against his chest.

"I told ya I'd be back sugar," he drawled. "No one can kill me but me."

** There was a little nod to 28 Days Later hidden in there. You probably only caught it if you've seen the movie a millions times like I have. **